SENTENCES

From Robert Papper’s Broadcast News and Writing Stylebook (pg.49- 56)

Keep it short• 2 principles

• There’s only so much information that the audience can absorb into the brain through the ear at one time. It shows our ability to assimilate information orally. Break down the material into small bits of information.

• An announcer can read only so many words without gasping for air. No one reads well, using proper life and emphasis, with lungs starved for oxygen. Announcers can read well no more than about two dozen syllables at a stretch.

One important idea

• A sentence should contain one important thought or idea. It could contain many bits of information but it still should contain no more than one important thought or idea

Sentence: Robbers shot a man this morning during a hold-up at the First National Bank.Important idea: man shotSmaller ideas: robbers did the shooting; this morning; during a holdup; at the First National Bank

Put people first

• Lead with people and/or what the story means to people.

• People are always more important than things. Also, the dead should be mentioned before the injured.

• Sentence: Two people are dead and three hospitalized after a house fire on the west side today.

• Important idea: two dead and three hospitalized

• Smaller ideas: house fire; on the west side; today

Take note:

• The use of are dead rather than died. It happened recently, it’s technically accurate, and it’s more current sounding. However, some prefer the present perfect have died, finding that construction more conversational.

• It’s not and three other hospitalized. That would be wordy and unnecessary.

If no one had been killed or injured in the fire, the sentence would be:

• Sentence: Firefighters spent most of the afternoon…

OrFire investigators are sifting

through…

Keep it simple: Subject-Verb-Object• Make your sentences understandable. • The most common grammatical

sentence in English goes subject-verb-object.

• Not ALL your sentences have to be constructed that way, but if you deviate too much or too often from that basic form, your copy will be harder to follow.

• Keep it simple, short, and straight forward

• Complex: The family of a two-year-old local girl killed by a pit bull last year will have to wait to hear from the State Supreme Court before the case can be resolved.

• Simpler: Contradictory rulings in the case of a two-year-old that was killed by a pit bull. Last year…

*Information on the case itself will come in line two. It will most likely be matched with available video.

Use some variety for Interest

• Avoid sounding choppy and tedious by varying sentence lengths and structure just enough so it is understandable and also interesting to hear.

About 24-thosand people here will find themselves homeless– for at least a while– this year. That’s two thousand more than last year….which was two thousand more than the year before. Next year, it’ll be worse, still.

The wind chill is 15 degrees, but it feels colder when it comes off the river. It’s a tough place to call home.

This is not the economic fringe of society. This is beyond it.

The basic form is simple, and most sentences are short, but the variety of phrasing and sentence length helps to keep the story moving and gives the audience a feel for the subject.

Split up complex sentences

• Simplify complex sentences by dividing the material into shorter sentences.

• Complex: Two local men, John Doe and David Glass, charged in a series of crimes ranging from armed robbery and drug dealing to extortion, today were sentenced to 20 years to life by Judge Jane Smith of the City Municipal Court.

• Simpler: Two local men will spend 20 years to life in the state prison. John Doe and David Glass were sentenced today after their convictions in a series of crimes including armed robbery and drug dealing.

Make it clean, clear and concise

Avoid sentences that are weak and/or wordy. These would take up available time.

• Weak/ Wordy: Adverse weather conditions have cause quite a bit of school closings.

• Better: Bad weather has closed a lot of school areas.

• Unclear: People who woke up this morning saw the ice, hear all the school closings, and wished you were back in school with the day off.

That sentence must have left the audience wondering about the people who didn’t wake up this morning and exactly who wished to be back in school with the day off.

• Better: The crystal landscape left from last night’s storm reminded me of carefree days as a kid when we were lucky enough to have school canceled.

Make every sentence count

• A sentence that doesn’t contain critical information about the story is a waste of words and the listener’s or viewer’s time. Change it or drop it.

• Robbers shot a man this morning during a holdup at the First National Bank. The First National Bank is located at the intersection of Main and Green streets.

• The lead is okay, but the second sentence has no meat to it. Even if the location of the bank is needed, it doesn’t contain critical information. It also interrupts the logical flow of the story

• Better: Robbers shot a man this morning during a holdup at the First National Bank. It’s the third robbery this month at First National’s branch at Main and Green

Avoid repetition

• Construct sentences so you don’t have to immediately repeat the same names or information.

• Repetitive: Both Hudson’s and the United Auto Workers Union are declaring victory after a weekend of U-A-W pickets at Hudson’s Department Stores.

• Better: Both sides are declaring victory after a weekend of picketing at Hudson’s Department stores by the United Auto Workers Union.

Stay positive

• The issue isn’t good news versus bad news. Positive statements are always simpler, shorter and easier to understand.

• Negative: The governor today denied charges that he has no effective drug program. The criticism came from a special legislative panel that released its findings this morning

• In this kind of story, you want to lead with the newest information (governor’s denial), but it won’t work unless the audience is aware of what he’s denying.

• Better: The governor is defending his drug program today…

Make sense

• Remember that the audience can judge only what it hears, not what you know or meant to say.

• Puzzling: Well, we’ve got a warning for you that you may not like. Breathing Ohio air may be hazardous to your health

• Why would the writer suppose that the audience might not like that? Who we suppose would like it? And how many good news warnings do we give?

The next example is a story about a defendant who pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity:

• Puzzling: Smith claimed he was on a mission from God. Apparently the jury agreed.

The jury may well have agreed that the defendant was insane, but it’s unlikely they agreed that the defendant was on a mission from God.

End Strong• Use the end of a sentence to bring

home an important point because the audience just gets a moment to digest what has just been said.

• Wherever possible, avoid ending sentences with weak words or phrases.

• Watch out, especially, for weak prepositional phrases at the end of the sentences.

• Weak: Several homes and businesses had to be evacuated this afternoon when a natural gas line was ruptured by a construction worker.

• Stronger: Several homes and businesses had to be evacuated this afternoon when a construction worker ruptured a natural gas line.

Note:Make your point directly in every sentence. Don’t dance around the idea, spilling words around a page. Just as you should be able to defend every word you use, you should be able to defend every sentence those words form. If you can’t defend it, rework it or drop it.