Lesson 2Writing Strong Sentences

Drafting

Objectives:1.To practice writing concise sentences2.To draft sentences that have variety

• Creating Concise Sentences By:– Avoiding Redundancy– Using Active Verbs

Concise

“ There mustn’t be one single word out of place or one word that can be taken out”

-Katherine Mansfield

Avoid Redundancy

• Redundant—repetitive; repeating the same idea.

Redundant The slowly moving train crawled up the mountain range.

Concise The train crawled up the mountain range.

Avoiding Redundancy

Redundant She grew four inches in height in one year, though the doctor’s medical opinion was that she was done growing.

Concise

Avoiding Redundancy

Redundant She grew four inches in height in one year, though the doctor’s medical opinion was that she was done growing.

Concise She grew four inches in one year, though her doctor had thought she was done growing.

Use Active Voice

Passive It was declared by the principal that we would not be allowed to eat lunch off campus.

Active The principal declared she would not allow us to eat lunch off campus

Active Voice: Putting the person or thing that is doing the action BEFORE the action.

Active v. Passive Voice

Active: I hit the ball. Passive: The ball was hit by me.

• Exercise | Identify the following as active or passive...

1. We love this class. 2. The class was loved by us. 3. A pint of cream is added next. 4. Add a pint of cream. 5. The game was lost by you. 6. You lost the game. 7. Yesterday, I was stung by a bee. 8. Maggie yelled, "A mean bee stung me!" 9. You did not pass! 10.The class was not passed by you.

Wordy Sentence and Passive Voice WorksheetStrengthen these sentences by removing the fillers it and there, and rewrite the sentences to emphasize the logical subjects and

verbs.

1. Many mechanics own their own tools.

2. The pilot noticed that the air speed indicator was malfunctioning.

3. Two screws fasten the cover to the wall box.

4. Several different types of needles can be used.

Eliminate the unnecessary words in these sentences.

1. At 8:00 am the prisoners were transferred to the facility.

2. It is necessary that the scalpels be sharp-edged to bisect the specimens.

3. Remove all foreign objects from the sensor machine.

4. In my opinion the city and county agencies are now cooperating together.

5. Either of the timetables is acceptable.6. I found it interesting.7. I chose to attend Purdue.

Rewrite the verbs in these sentences to make them active voice. Be sure to keep the same verb

tense.1. The representative requested the appeals board

review the case.2. Dr. Hancock’s research has painted a better picture in

my head.3. Mike discovered what he liked about engineering

through his research.4. I was overwhelmed with a decision my senior year.5. I investigated the type of companies I could work for.6. When one decides what field of work they are going

into many things should be considered .

QuickTime™ and aTIFF (Uncompressed) decompressor

are needed to see this picture.

QuickTime™ and aTIFF (Uncompressed) decompressor

are needed to see this picture.

QuickTime™ and aTIFF (Uncompressed) decompressor

are needed to see this picture.