Under Pressure: Peace for the Driven Homeschool ParentBy Jeanie Fulbright“Hurry!” How many times did I say that in those early years of homeschooling? Hurry and finish that math page. Hurry and get in the car. Hurry and eat. Hurry, hurry, hurry! Now that my children are graduating and leaving the house, I want to scream, “Slow down!” What drove me to spend so many of our early years in a hurry?

Recently, I sent a text to each of my homeschool friends that has graduated at least one child. I asked them what they wish they had done differently in homeschooling. I expected a great variety of answers. What I did not expect was a variation of the exact same answer. They all—every one of them—wish they would have slowed down. They admitted they were performance oriented, accomplishment driven, and highly pressured to do, do, do. These moms regret the time they spent pursuing success.

Why do we get so caught up in our children’s academic performance? I surmise it’s because of an underlying lie—the deception that our self worth is tied to our children’s achievements. We’re afraid for them to fail. With this fear as a motivator, we prioritize completing every assignment, finishing every course, and practicing to perfection. Our time is focused on outside classes, extracurricular activities, and competitions. Deep inside is a need to prove our worth as homeschooling moms—to reveal our competence and show those naysayers how wrong they are. Could it be that we’ve homeschooled with the fear of man as our guide?

Is there anything wrong with finishing the course, pursuing extracurricular activities, or competing with excellence? No. Definitely not. However there is something wrong when the motivation for doing these things is anything other than the peaceful guidance of the Holy Spirit. And so we must ask ourselves: Am I driven by faith or fear?

Honestly, fear is a powerful driving force. It motivates us to action. If we fear what others think, we’ll jump through hoops to make sure we maintain their high opinion. We’ll go against our natural inclinations to gain their approval. But God has not given us a spirit of fear. The Scriptures tell us: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT1). More than 300 times He commands us not to fear. That includes not making decisions rooted in fear.

Pressure, stress, worry, anxiety and panic. These are synonyms for fear. Call it what you will, but in the end it’s all fear—plain and simple. When we experience fear, we often end up making choices that add more pressure to our lives. Let’s look at how fear based decisions can affect our homeschooling.

Academic AchievementDon’t get me wrong; I am for—very much for—giving your child a great education. However I also believe the mere fact that you are homeschooling is ninety percent of the battle won. Your child does not need to be under pressure to do every assignment, finish every lesson, complete every course, and master every subject to receive an excellent education.

My oldest child is currently on scholarship and is making top grades at the very rigorous University of Georgia. Rarely, if ever, did she finish an entire course in our homeschool. However, that which she did study and learn, she learned well. Most importantly, she developed a love for learning that undergirds her college success. We were relaxed homeschoolers out of necessity; my situation demanded it. I now believe that was a blessing in disguise.

I’ve met fear driven parents that wield an iron scepter when it comes to their child’s academics. Even if they know the child has a full understanding of the subject, they will not allow any leniency on the completion of assignments. Some require much more than what is even asked. They want mastery—total mastery. If their nine year old cannot repeat and explain everything learned, it isn’t good enough. Though they truly believe they are helping their child acquire an excellent education by being strict and stringent, they are really only undermining the greater work of the Holy Spirit in their homeschool.

AccomplishmentWe’ve all stood in awe as a dear friend described her child’s latest achievement. Whether it’s gymnastics, a science fair, or simply a mastery of math, we often walk away feeling less than adequate and fearful. Sadly, it’s not only the successes of others that launch us into despair and anxiety; it’s our own fear of failure.

We jump on the track and start running our race, enjoying our children and their successes along the way. Then we look over and see other families running a different race. They’re jumping hurdles! And look how accomplished their children are at jumping those hurdles! We need to get some hurdles on our track. So we start adding hurdles, training our children to work hard to successfully jump those hurdles. We add activities to our schedule that put our children and ourselves in the pressure cooker. Stress is added to our journey and we eventually realize we’re failing at hurdling. We get tired and grumpy. We start yelling at our children and fussing at our husband. Life is hard and homeschooling is not working. We’re weary and heavy laden. Why? Because we’re not running the race marked out for our children. We’re attempting to do things God never called us to do in our homeschool.

You see, God created our children individually. He has specific plans for them. He has a unique course for each of us to follow to fulfill those plans. If we stay on that course, we’ll have everything we need to accomplish His will. Hebrews 13:20, 21 tells us: “Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good thing for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” (NIV)2

Let’s be still and know that He is God. Let’s rest in the truth that He has plans for our children and will fulfill His purposes for them. There is no need to push them forward by our own efforts—no need to be driven by a spirit of fear. God longs for us to be led by faith, by His gentle Holy Spirit who would not have us weary and exhausted. So slow down and relish the ride. Take your peace and enjoy the little ones He’s given you with faith in His tender care, knowing He will fulfill his purposes for your children.

Jeannie Fulbright is the author of Apologia’s Young Explorer science courses for elementary students. Please visit her website www.jeanniefulbright.com for more encouragement and information about her science courses.

Endnotes:1. Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright

©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

2. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Copyright 2014, used with permission. All rights reserved by author. Originally appeared in the Annual Print 2014 issue of The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, the family education magazine. Read the magazine free at www.TOSMagazine.com or read it on the go and download the free apps at www.TOSApps.com to read the magazine on your mobile devices.