8/3/2019 New Cads Report NOV 2011v4
2/3
CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense
about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
CADS NO-SHOWS BOWL OVER MEMBERS
CADS members are still bowled over with
deep square leg shock at the revelation that
three CADS members conspired together
and plotted deliberate no-shows at the
CADS October lunch. It was part of a
scam where the hotel Wyndham could
make no money from their no-shows, but
was cunningly uncovered by the editor of
this magazine (who accidentally overhead
the plot after inadvertently tapping into
their phones).
Simply isnt cricket
The judge at the trail showed no mercy and
sentenced all three to serve long sentences
washing up at the Wyndham Hotel kitchen.
COW KILLS FARMER IN COLD BLOOD
The Dutch farmer was tending to his cows
in a field when he was attacked. A passer-by
saw the man lying on the ground and called
an ambulance. He was taken to hospital
where he died of internal injuries. What
exactly happened is still unknown, but a
hospital spokesman said the man was
butted by the cow after using freezing cold
fingers on her udder.
OCCUPY CADS
It seems the Occupy Wall St Movement is
spreading. Oddly. The car park outside
Amsterdams Hotel Wyndham is absolutely
full after having been taken over by
protesters from the Occupy CADSm o v e m e n t l a s t w e e k e
n d . T h e
demonstrators are now camping out inmore than 100 tents in the
Wyndham car
park. An Occupy CADS spokesperson said
the Occupy groups goal is unclear as they
cant work out what CADS do. But one
spokesperson did mention that is was unfair
that 99% of CADS members could afford
to buy each other a drink before lunch.
GREEK COIN DEPICTS RAPE OF EUROPA
Ive always found it strangely odd that the
Greeks feel comfortable carrying a picture
of rape jingling around amongst their small
change. At the centre of the Greek two-
euro coin is Zeus, the king of the gods,
depicted as a bull to fool Princess Europa.
Then, as soon as she climbed on his back,
off he flew (literally - for gods can fly), and
took her - terrified - to his love-nest in
Crete.
Ghanaian king
orders 10,000pairs of clogs as
part of electioncampaign.
Friday November 4one of the warmestNovember days on
record.
Beating up burglar isattempted murder, says
Dutch prosecutiondepartment.
Three CADS members receive long sentences fortheir part in the
October CADS lunch No-Show scam
WICKI-LEAKS
SIMPLY ISNT CRICKET SCREAMS JUDGE.CADS members that dont show
for the Nov lunch will treated
equally harshly shouts Judge.
8/3/2019 New Cads Report NOV 2011v4
3/3
CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense
about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
NOVEMBER 2011
CHAIRMANS CORNER
I missed our October lunch due
to our brief holiday in Egypt.
Mike Carn was kind enough to
step in as chair, John Bright gave
a good introduction to the work
of the British Legion and Poppy Fund, and we raised 200
Euros for the fund from a rather sparse attendance. Well
done all! This was followed up by John Richardson and
me attending the wreath laying last weekend in
Amsterdam. It was a moving service, with many countries
represented, and a touching rendering of The Lords My
Shepherd by the Amsterdam British School Choir. John
Cowie officiated, and we were accompanied by guitar,
bagpipes and trumpet at various points. There was a
record attendance of about 150 people, who all enjoyed
cof fee and cake s af te rwar ds in the Nieuwe
Oosterbegraafplaats building, courtesy of the graveyard
management. A few CADS members were in attendance
on behalf of other organisations, which made it most
companionable.
This month, Tim Cooke will come to advise us of his
recent work with micro-finance projects in Kenya and
Uganda. CADS has donated to help start these
enterprises, so it will be of personal interest to us all.
The
project is sponsored by Rowan Williams, Archbishop of
Canterbury, and this self-funded activity was in
partnership with Major General Tim Cross, formerly
head of our armed forces in Iraq. Tim Cooke has led anumber of
start-ups to considerable success in the UK,
and we wish him equal success in Africa. The lunch is on
Friday 25th November at 1230 at the Apollo.
We also wish a warm welcome to two new members
this month. Louise Hunter and Monty Kraayeveld.
The week after the lunch, we are off to Naarden for
dinner and wine sampling with the Millins, at their bar in
the village. The date is Tuesday 29th November, and we
will meet at 1930 in Marktstraat at De Samaritaan. Look
forward to seeing you there!
Business remains difficult when was it ever
different? This time, it is sovereign debt that has laid low
the confidence levels and created a new crisis. And as the
baby boomer bulge passes into retirement, current
legislation forces them to convert pension savings into
annuities. Combined with a thin market in both equities
and fixed income this has created significant downwards
pressure on equity prices, and historic low yields on fixed
income. Wake up, UK and NL treasury ministers; this is
in your own hands to rectify. Abolish the current annuity
purchase requirements.
BLEEDING TAXPAYERS TO BAIL OUT OVERPAID AND
INCOMPETENT INVESTMENT BANKS?
The Eurozone is trying to find another trillion Euros
to give to the banks to shore up their sovereign debt paper.
But the American investment banks have created a
shortfall of several tens of trillions, and are currently
betting against Europe resolving the issue, so we need to
think again. Either kick the weak sovereigns out of the
Euro, and let them default on their debt after conversion
to lira, drachma, punts, etc., and kiss goodbye to the pan-
European project. Or devalue the Euro debt in a
controlled way, e.g. by cutting outstanding Eurobond
values by 30% across the board, regardless of the
sovereign issuing them, by introducing a Europeanredemption tax
on the principal.
The former approach is the preferred one, as it allows
a multi-speed European market. But if the politicians win,
it can only be by some variant of the second approach,
which will share the pain more equally by taxing the
thrifty to pay the indigent. Germany, Holland and the
UK, pass the plate please!
