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Overcoming Laziness And Inertia

By Dr.Mahboob ali khan Phd The fresh thinking that led to a company’s initial success is often replaced by a rigid devotion to the status quo.

Some people know what to do in theory to improve their social skills, but find it

hard to get out of their comfortable rut and actually start making changes. If that

applies to you, here's my take on how to get yourself going.

Usually the hardest part is getting started

Establishing a new routine and pulling yourself out of a well-worn groove is

difficult. It's so easy to put off. However, once you take those first few steps it's

often rewarding and natural to keep going (e.g., when you've got some friends

to hang around with it becomes much easier to spend more time being social).

Like with taking up a new exercise program, the first few weeks are often the

roughest. Starting something new can be draining and discouraging at first, but

once you get over that initial hump it's not as hard to continue.

Think about what you actually want

Sometimes students have procrastination problems at university because deep

down they're not really into their program, but they can't admit that to

themselves yet. Maybe their parents pressured them into it. Maybe it's what they

thought they wanted to do, but are having doubts now that they know what the

field involves firsthand. Maybe they didn't want to go to college at all, but

everyone told them how important it was, so they just picked a major, any

major.

Someone may drag their feet with their social goals because they're honestly not

that enthusiastic about them. They could be reacting more to the expectations of

other people rather than what they really want for themselves. It can help to take

the time to think about this. What are your goals? Why do you have them? What

about them motivates you?

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Accept that you're going to be lazy some of the time

Anything that is both a) uncomfortable, and b) optional is inevitably going to

lead to bouts of procrastination. Improving your social situation often falls into

this category. It can suck to go to an event where you don't know many people,

or try to make friends, or start conversation with people who intimidate you.

But there's no law that says you have to do it. On the other hand, you pretty

much know you're going to have fun if you watch a new movie or try a new

video game.

So just realize up front that you're going to slack off some of the time, and that

this will make the process of improving yourself take longer than it could in

theory. Accept that some of your natural tendencies will slow you down. If you

read enough self-help material, you'll come across the same archetype over and

over again: It's the person who was in a low, low place in their life, and through

years of consistent, determined effort they turned themselves into a huge

success. It's awesome if you can be one of those people, but most of us aren't

cyborgs with a bottomless reservoir of willpower and discipline. We're going to

get there eventually, but we'll occasionally plod along, detour off the path, or

take a break. Sometimes you'll throw a week away by reading a new book or

binging on a TV series. That's fine and isn't going to make or break how your

life turns out. Sometimes you'll be happy with life the way it is, your problems

won't be weighing on your mind too heavily, and you won't feel any pressing

need to get to work on yourself at that moment.

Don't feel the process of getting better with people is always going to a

painful grind

Going back to that archetype of the self-improving cyborg, an implicit message

I read into a lot of self-help material is that changing yourself has to be a

painful, drawn-out process that requires a ton of willpower and a high tolerance

for hardship. While there are most certainly times where you'll have to deal with

anxiety, discomfort, and rejection, it's not always going to be one torturous

experience after another. A night of practicing your social skills may involve

going out to dinner with some fun new people and having an awesome night.

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One idea this site talks about is that you can sometimes do a lot to get better

with people through slow, easy, indirect methods. If you can't talk to other

people, you don't necessarily have to put hours into having discouraging,

unsuccessful practice conversations with them. You may just need to read more

widely or dabble in some new hobbies so you'll have more topics to bring up. If

you have trouble having fun with people maybe you just need to learn to get

into a more joking, less serious frame of mind, or get the hang of dancing and

pool so you can take part when your friends do those things at a bar, rather than

watching from the sidelines and feeling like you want to go home.

Break your goals down into manageable chunks

A vintage piece of advice for getting past procrastination is to break your task

down. If someone has to write a 20-page assignment, that can seem very huge

and overwhelming. They can't imagine where to begin, so they might not start at

all. If they divide that paper up into smaller pieces it won't seem as bad. Like all

they may have to do the first day is go to the library and take out some books.

It's the same with social goals. 'Having a bunch of awesome friends' or

'Completely getting over my shyness' are huge, amorphous objectives. It would

be way better to pull that apart into more manageable sections. For example, if

someone wanted to make a group of friends and currently didn't have any they

could come up with tasks such as:

Think of places where they could meet people.

Some of those ideas are probably places where they're already

spend a lot of time (e.g., work, classes). For the other places they

come up with (sports teams, clubs), figure out which ones would

be feasible to join, and then sign up.

Think of ways to start more conversations with people at these

places, and then do it.

Think of people they're already on good terms with who they could

invite out.

Figure out some things they could do with people.

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Once they've got some prospective friends, invite them out.

Etc, etc, etc.

Don't look too many steps ahead

When people have a big, ambitious goal it's only natural for them to look to the

finish line. There are times when doing this can make the task of getting there

seem too daunting or discouraging. It can help to only focus on sub-goals that

are a few steps ahead, before worrying about the tougher challenges.

For example, if someone wants to make a ton of friends, but currently has none,

their goal may seem too complicated and out of reach. They may not be able to

imagine themselves as the kind of person with a bustling social life. However,

to make a ton of friends, first you only have to make one friend. Then you have

to do it again and again. Making one single friend is something anyone can do.

You could take this 'The longest journey begins with a single step' approach

even further. Maybe even making one friend could seem like a lot... Well, to

make one friend you have to start by talking to one person. They may not

become your buddy, but maybe the next one will. Chatting to that first person

may not seem hard at all.

Tell yourself you can stop at any time

This is another fairly well known piece of advice for getting started on things.

It's a way to trick yourself into beginning, and it works even when you know

you're trying to fool yourself. Again, a task may seem overwhelming if it's

framed as a sprawling, lengthy undertaking. If you tell yourself you don't have

to commit to it for life and can back out any time (which is technically true)

then starting it doesn't seem as intimidating. Of course, what usually happens is

that once you start you'll naturally want to keep going.This idea can apply

towards the whole idea of improving your social situation. Tell yourself you'll

commit to trying to get better with people for one month. If you don't like how

things are going you can always back out and take it up again another time. The

trick works with smaller tasks too. You can make a deal with yourself that you'll

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at least show up to a party and stay for half an hour. If you're not liking it after

that you have your own permission to leave at any time.

Ease into uncomfortable tasks gradually

When facing your fears it's much, much more effective to tackle them at a slow,

manageable pace. Often when we're reluctant to get started on something it's

because an element of fear is involved. We may not even be consciously aware

of it either. This article talks about how to face your fears in this way:

Alter your environment so it pushes you in a certain direction

This suggestion is a little more extreme, and not everyone will be into it. It's

also derived from anti-procrastination advice. It's a lot harder to get going on a

job when you've got a lot of other fun things surrounding you. That's why

students often go to the library when they want to study, rather than staying in

their distracting rooms.If you find you often choose to do things like stay in and

play video games when you really feel you should be socializing, it may help to

eliminate some of these distractions. You should hardly throw your PlayStation

out the window, but you can make little rules for yourself like, "During my

lunch break at work I can't go on the internet" (i.e., I have to chat to my co-

workers instead), or, "On Tuesday evening I can't read, play games, or use the

computer" (i.e., "Maybe that'll be the kick I need to check out that swing

dancing night I keep putting off").

You can marshal your natural interests in another way to motivate you. Make

doing them contingent on meeting your social goals first. So tell yourself you

can check your favorite websites, but only after you've hung out with your co-

workers over the lunch. This is yet another dose of procrastination advice.

When people tell themselves, "First I'll watch an episode of the new TV series

I'm going though, then I'll get started on my paper", they're getting it backwards

and essentially giving themselves a reward pellet for not working. They need to

put the reward after the task they want to complete, not before it.