Attachment TheoryRelationships and Interpersonal Communication

Possible Movies… 500 Days of Summer (2009)

An offbeat romantic comedy about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her.

Must Love Dogs (2005) A movie about a pre-school teacher trying to meet a guy after a divorce.

High Fidelity (2000) A young music store owner goes through a break up and reviews the top

five relationships in his life (this one is rated R, drop the F Bomb a lot)

Singles (1992) A group of twenty-something friends, most of whom live in the same

apartment complex, search for love and success in grunge-era Seattle.

Secure Avoidant AnxiousAmbivalent

Free to explore the environment?

Anxious around strangers?

Reaction to separation?

Reaction to reunion?

Distinguishing Features of Children’s Attachment Styles

yes no yes and no

a little no a lotupset, then calm

little reaction

very anxious

happy little reaction

ambivalent(relief/anger)

Model Of Self: the degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation

Model Of Others: the degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting (rather than rejecting)

Working model continuum

Adult Attachment Styles

Positive Model of Others

Negative Model of Others

Positive

Model

Of Self

Negative

Model

of Self

Secure(I’m okay,

you’re okay)

Preoccupied(I’m not okay,

you’re okay)

Dismissive(I’m okay,

you’re not okay)

Fearful(I’m not okay,

you’re not okay)

SECURE: The Prosocial Style

High Self, High other self-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy compromise and problem-solving during conflict highest level of maintenance behavior tend to be pleasant, self-disclosive, and skilled

communicators

Reinforcement Effect: Because secures are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others

PREOCCUPIED: The Emotional Style

Low Self, High Other overly involved and dependent want excessive intimacy and worry that partners

do not care enough for them demanding, nagging conflict behavior express negative emotion with aggression or

passive aggression overly disclosive and overly sensitive

Reinforcement Effect: By clinging to their partners and escalating intimacy quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love

FEARFUL: The Hesitant Style

Low Self, Low otherfearful of intimacy (they have often been hurt in the past and/or fear rejection)communication is often passive, guarded, and anxioustrouble expressing emotions and self-disclosingrelatively low levels of maintenance and nonverbal pleasantness

Reinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they keep themselves from developing the kind of close, positive relationship that will help them feel better about themselves and others

DISMISSIVE: The Detached Style

High Self, Low othercounterdependent (self-sufficient to the point of pushing

others away) relationships seen as nonessential; personal goals are a

higher priority relatively low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure,

and emotional expressionwithdrawing conflict style with more interruptions

Reinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy

Are our attachment styles stable over time?

Explanations for Stability Interactions with caregivers have an especially strong effect on a

person’s social development. The reinforcement effect

Explanations for Change Significant life/relationship events The partner’s attachment style Variability across relationship types