Communicating Forgiveness

What does it mean to forgive?

Is forgiveness an emotion or a behavior?

Both:Behavior = “I forgive you”Emotion = Moving from anger to

acceptance

Why should we forgive?

Correlates of Forgiveness

• Cognitive Complexity (+)

• Positive Affect (+)• Rumination (-)• Vengeance (-)• Hostility

Other Correlates:

Anger, Depression, Anxiety, & Satisfaction

Are some people more forgiving than

others?

State vs. Trait

State vs. Trait

How we get to Forgiveness

State vs. Trait

Our disposition to forgive across all

situations

Heartland Forgiveness Scale

• 3 Domains of Forgiveness–Self–Others–Situation

Predicts about 22-44% of the variance

Stages To Forgivenes

s

Three areas of Forgiveness

Cognitive

Emotional

Behavioral

Stage 1 – Impact of the Event

Stage 1

Cognitive – Our relationship is out of balanceEmotional – OverwhelmedBehavioral – I want my partner to pay

Stage 2 Meaning Construction

Stage 2

Cognitive – Why did he do this to me?Emotional – I am in touch with my emotionsBehavioral – I begin to collect information on the transgression

Stage 3 - Moving On

Stage 3

Cognitive – I can see beyond the transgressionEmotional – I am no longer angryBehavioral – I know where the relationship is going

Four Factors to Predict Forgiveness

• Personality• Characteristics of the relationship• Characteristics of the transgression• Socio-cognitive determinates of

forgiveness

Features of the transgression

What are your Unforgivable

Transgressions?

How should we apologize?

How would you want to find out about the

transgression?

Disclosing the TransgressionUnsolicited 3rd Party (friend told you)Red-Handed (caught him in the act)Interrogation (grill him till he confesses)Unsolicited Confession (he tells you)

The Best Predictor of ForgivenessYet…43% reported that the

discovery led to the termination of the relationship (higher for the opther three

(Afifi, Falato, & Weiner, 2001)

Relational

Quality

Negative Responsib

ility Attributio

ns

Empathy for

Transgressor

-

+

-

Forgiveness

+

(Fincham et al., 2002)

Social-Cognitive Model

The Dark Side of Forgiveness

Why might the act of forgiving be detrimental to

a relationship?

The Dark Side of Forgiveness

Apology = humiliationForgiveness = weakness

Next Class

• Chapter 15• Final Exam– May 5 12:30– Pick up a Blue Book from the book store– Open Notes, not Open Book– Essay style.– For preparation:

• Know three or four theories that we have discussed in class really well.

• Organize your class notes. You can also refer to the slides and lectures posted.

• Think application!