WELCOME to Seminar 7: Drafting Its SHOWTIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to Seminar #7: How is everyone today? How was your week? For better grades, follow the directions! The biggest mistake that I usually see is people not following the assignment directions, such as sending informative essays that are fewer than three pages in length. Each essay assignment requires a reference page and a title page. Each one has a specified essay length. It is imperative that you read, re-read, and re-read the assignment directions. I can not stress this enough. Lets talk aboutDRAFTING. To Build Credibility Be thoroughly honest. Demonstrate integrity toward the topic. Do not falsify data, spin evidence, or ignore facts. Document your sources and cite them wherever appropriate. Make realistic claims, projections, and promises. Avoid emotionally charged statements, pie-in-the-sky forecasts, and undeliverable deals. Develop and maintain trust. From your first word to your last, develop trust. You do this by your attitude toward the topic, treatment of readers, and respect for viewpoints. Responsibilities of the Author The first responsibility of the author is to make a reasonable, valid, supportable claim (thesis, assertion). The second responsibility of the author is to support his or her claim with quality information. Use evidence that readers can understand and appreciate. If readers find your thinking too complex, too simple, or too strange, you have lost them. Make sure you have said enough. Take the time to present your support in full. Your essay depends on the quality of your reasons and evidence. Keep your emotions out of your essay. Do not rant. Do not rave. Do not scream at your reader. Do not make unsupported assertions. Instead, provide your reader with well thought out, reasoned information supported by research. You are much more likely to convince your reader by doing this. [You will also get a better grade. LOL] People turn off and tune out when they read or hear ranting, raving, or yelling. Youve probably all done that when your parents or others yelled at you. LOL In order to inform your readers, you are going to have to present evidence that your thesis is correct. What are some of the ways you can use to prove or support your thesis? Ways to Show Your Point: Facts Facts: Objective details gathered by research or investigation Facts are objective, observable, and verifiable. Facts can provide independent support for a writer's thesis because they can generally be verified by readers. Facts can be used to add credibility to personal observations. Facts, however, sometimes require background explanation. Informing readers that last year five hundred cars were stolen in your city means little unless you compare this number to other year's figures or figures from comparable cities. Ways to Show Your Point: Statistics (Facts Expressed in Numbers) Statistics can distill a complex topic into a dramatic statement readers can quickly understand. Example: "One of three students has a full-time job." Example: "Twenty five percent of this year's graduates are minorities. ****Notice that when the statistic began the sentence, I wrote it as a word, not a number. Statistics are easy for readers to recall and repeat to others. Statistics must be explained. Because statistics can be misleading, readers often demand clarification before accepting them as being accurate. It is up to the writer to explain when and how the statistics were collected and to stress the reliability of their source. Some sources speak for themselves such as FBI crime statistics. "Figures never lie, but liars figure," so be careful where you get your numbers from. LOL Ways to Show Your Point: Personal Observations or Experiences This is the only time that you can use the words "I" or "we." You must use an observation or an experience that supports what you are trying to prove. For example, if you were writing about the dangers of children being online, you might say: Most parents think that their children are using only appropriate sites. In my case however, I started noticing that my twelve year old daughter switched screens whenever I entered the room. At first, I didnt think anything of it, but as time went on and I read more about the dangers the Internet posed for children, I watched more carefully. Finally, I decided to confront her. To my surprise, she had been in a chat room designed for college students. Using a personal experience can be a powerful way to support your thesis, but it should be only one of your many proofs. Because personal observations and experience are subjective, you will need additional factual support to support an argument. Ways to Show Your Point: Testimony Statements or quotations from experts or witnesses This is the type of "proof" that most students use. It is generally used in the form of quotations, paraphrases, or summaries from books, magazines, newspapers, or web sites. However, it could also be taken from a personal interview or TV show. The comments of other people can support a thesis by adding evidence and providing voices other than the writer's. Testimony by experts, no matter how famous, can be biased and may require additional support. Be careful not to take comments out of context or assume that someone who is an expert in one field is an authority in another. Ways to Prove Your Point: Examples Specific events, situations, persons, or issues that represent a general trend, problem, or condition. Describing the plight of a single homeless person can dramatize a social problem more effectively than a list of statistics. Examples allow you to introduce a human element into your writing. Examples, often called case studies, can offer a microcosm view of a larger and complex issue. You will find examples in your research. Make sure the examples you use prove your thesis and do not distort the issue. Do not let your examples overwhelm your essay. You still need other types of proof. Examples (continued) The theory with using an example is that a part is used to represent the whole. Examples are a good form of proof because readers can identify with them. Look at the following example of an example: Hazing is a dangerous and humiliating ritual. For example, a friend at another university told me about a pledge who was hospitalized with broken ribs after being beaten during hazing. The example helps to prove that hazing is dangerous. Ways to Show Your Point: Reason or Logic When using common sense, good judgment, clear thinking, and logic, you're expecting people to agree with you. These often start with words like "It makes sense" OR "Logically" OR "Everyone would agree" OR "Any reasonable person would realize." Example: It makes sense that the death penalty is an effective mean of reducing recidivism. If a person is dead, that person can not go out and again commit a crime. A writer using that argument expects the readers to agree. After, all dead people can not commit crimes. However, there is more to the death penalty debate than can be covered in a common sense argument, so the argument is somewhat deceptive. Ways to Show Your Point: Analogies/Comparisons These show how one thing is much like another. For example: Rebuilding New Orleans will be much like building the Panama Canal. It will be more difficult and take much longer than people are expecting. That analogy compares rebuilding New Orleans with building the Panama Canal. The analogy could be carried out into greater detail to give the reader a picture of the difficulties involved. Ways to Show Your Point: Concrete Sensory Images This method involves painting a word picture so the reader can "see" what you're referring to. Readers are not likely to be impressed with generalized statements or observations. For example, simply stating, "The airplane trip was terrible" has little impact unless you SHOW readers how bad the flight was with supporting details. Look at the difference supporting details make The airplane trip was terrible. The flight was two hours late and overbooked. The cabin was unbearably hot. My seat was in the last row. I sat wedged between a snoring businessman and a restless ten-year-old who coughed non-stop. The meal consisted of a dry chicken sandwich and a rubbery stalk of celery. I put on the headphones in hopes of listening to some music, but the cord was frayed. We took off three hours behind schedule, encountered headwinds, and arrived in Denver after midnight. I missed my connections and slept in the terminal. Now the reader knows what you mean by TERRIBLE! Look at the following paragraph. What is wrong with it (if anything)? If you're unhappy, try taking a good hard look at your priorities. When we do that honestly, we can often see imbalances. You could be spending all your time working and not paying attention to the important people in your life. Is one's job really more important than your family? We say no, but then we accept the promotion that means working longer hours and on weekends. Think again about your priorities. Look at it again: The paragraph has inconsistent point of view. That means that the writer is jumping from YOU (YOUR) to WE to ONE to YOU to WE to YOU. If you're unhappy, [Hidden you] try taking a good hard look at your priorities. When we do that honestly, we can often see imbalances. You could be spending all your time working and not paying attention to the important people in your life. Is one's job really more important than your family? We say no, but then we accept the promotion that means working longer hours and on weekends. [Hidden you] Think again about your priorities. When you write, you must choose a point of view and stick with it. Look at the paragraph rewritten in the third person, without any use of YOU or WE. PEOPLE who are unhappy should try taking a good hard look at THEIR priorities. When THEY do that honestly, THEY can often see imbalances. THEY could be spending all THEIR time working and not paying attention to the important people in THEIR lives. Are THEIR jobs really more important than THEIR families? PEOPLE say no, but then THEY accept the promotion that means working longer hours and on weekends. THEY should think again about THEIR priorities. Now the paragraph is consistent in its point of view. The essay should be written in the third person (he, she, it, they, people, etc.). Do not use second person (you, your). Do not use first person (I, me, my, mine, we, our, us) unless giving a personal example. This is a formal essay. Do not use first person (I, me, my, we, us, our) unless your have conducted an experiment or are using a personal example. Do not use second person (you, your). If you have a specific question,me. Points to Keep in Mind What are metaphors & similes? Metaphors & Similes Comparisons help readers to understand better what something or someone is like. A metaphor or simile is a comparison, showing how one thing is like another thing. She was as beautiful as a flower. She is an angel. Using metaphors & similes is a good way of conveying a lot of information in few words Avoid Mixed Metaphors However, when you compare, be sure that your comparison makes sense. For example, when asked about the possible conflict of interest in his involvement in a real estate venture, a Cape Coral City Councilman said, Thats as transparent as apple pie. Whats wrong with that comparison? Use language your readers can understand. If you saw a road sign that read Spongy scapula what would you be looking for? Soft Shoulder If you were driving and saw that sign, youd probably have been saying, Huh? Would you have known that it meant soft shoulder and thus have avoided the edges of the road? While its nice to have a good vocabulary, be sure you know who your audience is so you can write at the appropriate level. Make sure that most of the paper is written in your own words. If you find that you have too many quotes, eliminate, paraphrase, or summarize. Remember what author Herman Melville said: "It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation." Make sure you've used quotation marks when you used someone else's exact words. Make sure you have in-text citations for quotes, paraphrases, and summaries. Cutting Out Words The Paramedic Method of Revision is a revision technique that eliminates wordiness, making writing clear and concise. This revision strategy targets the specific types of words your writing probably has too many of. Identifying those words and revising to eliminate them will make your writing clearer and more effective. It is not the only technique for making your writing more concise Example Here is some practice/examples making the following three sentences less wordy. (Answers on the next page) :) In the last decade, the world of personal computers and the Internet was brought into our living rooms. The first step in the police investigation is to interview the parents and children in the household to establish an idea of what happened. Even people who cannot agree on whether death by execution is the best form of punishment should be able to see that if there is even a slight chance of an innocent person losing his or her life, death should not even be an option. Sample Answers These are just samples. There are different ways to make the sentences shorter. Last decade, personal computers and the Internet were brought into our living rooms. To establish what happened, first the police interview the parents and children. Even people unsure about using the death penalty should agree that its use is not an option if there is the slightest chance that the defendant is innocent. Many people confuse plurals and possessives. Plural = more than one; Possessive = ownership. Plurals are usually indicated by merely adding an "s" (boys). Possessives are usually indicated by adding an apostrophe + "s" (boy's). The students are writing their drafts. (more than one student) The student's draft is very good. (one student "owns" the draft) The part that is most confusing is plural possessive, where more than one person owns things. To get this correct, you must first make the plural and then add the possessive. Example: The two boys' bikes [In this case both boys have or own bikes, so first you make the plural, "boys" and then you add ONLY an apostrophe.] The two boys' bikes were stolen. OR The bikes of the two boys were stolen. Questions? Concerns? Comments? Have a Great Week!