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Week One: Video NotesHOSTS: Everyone in your group should have received a link today to take a pre-series survey. Please make sure everyone completed it, and forward them your link if they did not receive it.
In Matthew 22:34-39, Jesus summarized all of the law and prophets in just
two relationships: your relationship with _____________ and your relationship
with your _____________________.
By definition, a relationship is just a _______________________.
There are three laws of relationships:
Law #1: _________________________________________
Law #2: _________________________________________
Law #3: _________________________________________
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Discuss as a group:
1. Go around the circle and share what you hope to
gain out of this series.
2. John and Morgan shared that a common
misunderstanding is that relationships should just run
themselves. Why do you think so many people have
this misconception about marriage?
3. We want you to become comfortable interacting
with the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model) chart,
so take it out and adjust how you think each bond
would be affected by the following life events. Hold it
up for the group to see after the host reads each one
out loud:
a. You get married and head off on your
honeymoon
b. You have your first baby
c. Your kids are all at home and busy with many
activities, while job demands keep increasing
d. You become empty nesters as your youngest
goes off to college
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4. What are some other normal things that happen in the course of a
marriage that will create fluctuations/imbalances? Depict those on the
RAM.
5. Now, use your RAM chart to portray the fluctuations/imbalances that
are the most challenging for your current stage of life. Why?
6. How do you keep your marriage from getting stuck in a relationship
imbalance?
7. What will help you to regularly talk about any fluctuations or
imbalances in your relationship, and positively move toward
strengthening those areas in the immediate future?
Add some sparkWrite him/her a love letter. Send it
via snail-mail. #NVgoals
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Week Two: Video Notes
In order to keep staying in the know, you need to have open
__________________________ and ______________________________ conflict
resolution.
To capture the real meaning, I Peter 3:7 (Phillips) states: “… you husbands
should try to understand the wives you live with ...” What this verse literally
means is that a husband is responsible for creating a sense of understanding
in his relationship with his wife. In other words, a husband should be
thoughtful, considerate and make his wife feel understood.
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OPEN communication has four depths:
Observations and ___________________________________
Perspectives and ____________________________________
Experiences and ____________________________________
Needs and __________________________________________
There are six essential skills for building open
communication and for working through any
misunderstandings or conflicts.
Skill # 1: Genuine _________________________
Skill # 2: Respectful _______________________
Skill # 3: Active _______________________________
Skill # 4: Mutual __________________________
Skill # 5: Meaningful ______________________
Skill # 6: Forgiving ________________________
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Discuss as a group:
1. What did you learn about communication and
conflict resolution when you were growing up?
2. Assertiveness is defined as asking for what you
want and need in a relationship. Why do you think
respectful assertiveness is a challenge for many
people?
3. Take out your RAM chart and use it to help explain
a time in your relationship when your “KNOW” got
out of balance, how it affected your other relationship
bonds represented in the RAM, and what you did
about it.
4. Within your schedule and pace of life, when would
be the best times to have huddles with your spouse?
5. How does a person learn to share at an emotional
level if they really don’t know what they are feeling
most of the time?
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6. When you consider the four levels of OPEN conversation in marriage,
what level is the most challenging for you and why?
1. Observations/facts: “What is going on”
2. Perspectives/opinions: “What I think about what is going on”
3. Experiences and emotions: “What I feel about what is going on”
4. Needs/relationship responses:“What I feel and need from you
about what is going on”
7. Read the following passage out loud from Psalm 139 (NIV):
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when
I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You
discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with
all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it
completely.
What does it mean to you that God knows you so personally and
intimately?
8. Some conversations are more difficult than others, so which skill
would most help you improve your communication with your spouse
and why?
1. Genuine humility
2. Respectful assertiveness
3. Active listening
4. Mutual affirmation
5. Meaningful apologies
6. Forgiving closure
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Week Three: Video Notes
Trust is a feeling of ______________________ that comes from what you
________________ of your spouse.
Your trust-picture can prompt a bad attitude toward your spouse when you
focus on the ________________________.
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Unchecked bad attitudes can ripen into ______________________.
You can say that you live with two spouses … the spouse who
lives in the ___________________, and the spouse who lives in
your ____________________________.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) that we should keep
no record of __________________.
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Discuss as a group:
1. What is something you do that triggers a pet peeve
your spouse has?
2. Trust is a feeling of confidence that comes from
what you think of your spouse … your attitude toward
your partner. Take out your RAM chart and use it to
help explain the ways your relationship is affected
over time if TRUST stays out of balance.
3. The words “always” and “never” often amplify the
negative and creates a caricature out of the other
person. In what situations do you tend to escalate to
“always” and “never” thinking?
4. What does it mean to be responsible for your
attitude? Why is your attitude in marriage so
important?
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5. How do you change the mental picture or attitude you have of your
spouse from negative to positive?
6. An important way to realign your attitude is to focus on the positive
ways you are blessed by your spouse. Share with your group one
strength of your partner and how that strength blesses your life. (Please,
be sure to stay positive and not say or even insinuate anything negative
about your spouse.)
7. What would it look like in your relationship if you consistently
amplified your spouse’s good traits in your mind?
Add some sparkAttend church regularly. Share what
you’re learning over lunch. #NVgoals
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Week Four: Video Notes
Rely is the feeling of _________________________ that comes from what you do
for your spouse, and what your spouse does for you.
This session focuses on two areas of reliability: the _________________ and the
__________________ of a reliable partner.
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The qualities of a spouse you can rely on include being
consistent, available, responsive and _________________.
When you apply the Golden Rule to marriage, it means that
you become the _______________________ of your spouse.
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Add some sparkWatch a chick flick with her. Really.
No sports on the phone! #NVgoals
Discuss as a group:
1. In many relationships, opposites attract. In what
ways is this true in your relationship?
2. As a group, brainstorm 10-15 needs and wants that
husbands and wives hope their spouse will fulfill.
3. Did you grow up in a home in which your needs
(i.e., attention, affirmation, affection) were validated?
How does that affect you today?
4. What is the best way to communicate to your
spouse if your needs are not being met? If you
wanted to represent this on the RAM chart, what
would the levels look like?
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5. In the CARE acronym (Consistent, Available, Engaged, Responsive),
which one is the most difficult for you and why?
6. What are some specific ways to be a student or a connoisseur of your
spouse’s unique needs?
7. Now for some good, old-fashioned accountability. Take out your
calendars and each couple will individually schedule a time to do a
couples huddle this week. (Take a few minutes to do this.) Go around the
circle and share the day and time you scheduled.
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Week Five: Video Notes
There are two major outcomes from a godly commitment in your
marriage: ___________________ and ____________________.
God loves us all, even if we have gone through a divorce. Yet God
__________ divorce and the ways that it causes so much pain and
brokenness.
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It takes this persevering power of commitment to pull you
through any difficulties you face in your relationship, as well
as the work of _________________________.
Reconciliation almost always requires both
___________________ and the rebuilding of ____________.
Becoming one flesh indicates that neither time nor space will
separate you from the ________________ of your partner.
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Discuss as a group:
1. As you think back on your wedding day, what is one
of your favorite memories?
2. Do you think people enter into marriage with a
lower level of commitment today than they did in
years past? Why?
3. Most people in our culture have been touched by
divorce in some way. How has divorce affected you
and/or your family?
4. What are some of the struggles that married couples
face that challenge their commitment to each other?
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5. How do you go about rebuilding trust in a relationship once it
has been broken? Use your RAM chart to explain what will help a
relationship to heal.
6. Why do you think couples are often reluctant to get help when they
are struggling in their relationship?
7. What has been a challenge that you and your spouse have overcome
together?
Add some sparkGive an unexpected back rub without
asking for one in return. #NVgoals
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Week Six: Video NotesHOSTS: Everyone in your group should have received a link today to take a post-series survey. Please make sure everyone completed it, and forward them your link if they did not receive it.
All touch, both sexual and affectionate, is _____________________.
The most common challenge married couples experience in their sexual
relationship is ____________________.
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The sex drive refers to the ___________________ of your desire for
sexual activity.
Sexual arousal refers to the ___________________ of your feelings of
sexual excitation.
It is important to learn how to step into the sexual act when not in
the ________________.
The Bible, in 1 Corinthians 7, emphasizes the importance of
__________________ fulfillment in the sexual relationship in
marriage.
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Discuss as a group:
1. What messages did you receive about sex when you
were growing up?
2. The Bible has a lot to say about sex. Why do you
think God cares about our sex life in the first place?
3. What expectations or misconceptions did you have
about married sex prior to tying the knot?
4. Use your RAM chart to explain how the quality of
the other four bonds affect the TOUCH bond, and how
the level of your TOUCH impacts the other four bonds
in your relationship.
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5. How do you think sex is similar to or different than the other needs
people have in their marriage?
6. How do you think the prevalence of sexual messages and internet
pornography has affected marriages today?
7. What emotions do you think people feel when they are not on the
same page with the TOUCH bond in their marriage?
8. Sometimes couples can have difficulty in their sexual relationship
that they just put up with. So what are some ways couples can resolve
struggles they have in this area of their marriage, e.g., struggles with
frequency, loss of desire, conflicting expectations, etc.?
Add some sparkRead the Bible together. Start with
something easy — not Leviticus.
#NVgoals
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