Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1079

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AT LAST, IT’S HERE!SPRING FORWARD

by Marcy Stephens

Spring is finally in the air… or at least it’s coming up on the calendar. Join us as we shake off those winter cobwebs and present some tips, trivia and Tidbits for the blooming season!

In many areas • of the U.S., spring weath-er means ho-m e o w n e r s returning out-doors to tend to their lawns and gardens. If you haven’t used your lawn mow-er since last fall, make sure you clean the spark plugs before firing it up. While you’re at it, check all the nuts and bolts and make sure they’re tight. The vibration of the mower tends to loosen them just a bit with each use. And as you can imag-ine, you don’t want a mower to come fly-ing apart during use.Last year, more than 15,000 children were • treated for lawn-mower-related injuries in emergency rooms. Never let a child accompany you on a riding mower; it’s built for one adult occupant. It’s safest to keep kids completely out of the area when you’re mowing. Items hidden in the grass can be as devastating as bullets when flung by a mower’s powerful blades. Fi-nally, wear enclosed shoes when operat-ing a mower. Flip-flops and sandals leave your feet vulnerable, and tend to slip and slide on freshly-mown grass.In many states, spring is also known as • flood season. Floods are vicious, unpre-dictable events, and your only defense is to be prepared. Experts recommend that anyone living in a flood plain have some form of flood insurance. And don’t wait too long; such policies take an average of 30 days to go into effect. Most standard ho-meowner policies do not cover flood dam-age. Since your home holds much of your personal and financial security, it’s vital to protect the investment.

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Issue #1079March 16, 2009

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Page 2 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area March 16, 2009

was I thinking when I bought this?” Both the Salvation Army and Goodwill Indus-tries are always on the lookout for items of clothing – notably school wear for young-sters, professional style business clothes that adults can wear to job interviews, and shoes (particularly in children’s sizes). Please consider making a tax-deductible clothing donation while you’re purging items from your closet!Daylight Saving Time began on March 9. • Have you already moved all your clocks forward an hour? And replaced the batter-ies in your home’s smoke alarms and car-bon monoxide alarms? And turned and/or rotated the mattresses on your home’s beds? These are three tasks that many choose to tackle on the day DST begins, so if you “missed the boat,” it’s not too late to get on board.April 15th is looming, so if you’ve yet to • file your taxes, why not beat the rush by assembling your receipts and necessary papers now? If you’re throwing away old financial records, ensure your privacy by shredding these papers. The IRS recom-mends keeping at least three years of documentation handy, should any ques-tions arise down the line.

SPRING FORWARD (continued)

If you use winter-specific tires on your • vehicle during the colder months, now is a good time to switch back to all-season tires. Snow tires are crafted from a soft-er rubber compound than normal tires, so they’re ill-suited for warmer weather. They’ll become noisy, they’ll wear out more quickly, and they’ll reduce your au-tomobile’s fuel efficiency. It’s best to store snow tires in a cool, dark, dry place, such as the basement.In most areas of the U.S., the underbody • of an automobile driven over the winter tends to accumulate some combination of dirt, grime, dead vegetation, and road salt. Now that the weather has gotten a bit warmer, it’s time to give your car or truck a thorough bath. If you don’t have the time or energy to do it yourself, ask a car wash professional to give it a good bumper-to-bumper and top-to-bottom scrubbing. Washing away the winter irri-tants will help not only to preserve your car’s paint job, but its overall resale val-ue.This is • the sea-son when f e l i n e s b e g i n to shed their win-ter coats. Use a comb to brush your cat daily, both to pre-vent hairballs and to reduce the amount of stray fur that ends up on floors and furniture. If you’re into “natural recycling,” take the fur that you remove from your pet comb and set it outside for wild birds to pick up and use as nesting material.Designate the beginning of spring as the • one time each year that you pull your re-frigerator away from the wall. Don’t do it just for the exercise, of course. Take ad-vantage of the situation by vacuuming the coils and sweeping out from under the fridge. This is crucial if you own a dog or cat, as the fur they shed tends to accu-mulate there. It can force your refrigera-tor to work overtime, which reduces the appliance’s life while increasing its use of electricity (and, hence, your power bill).Gutters tend to collect debris over the au-• tumn and winter. Before those April show-ers arrive, it’s a good idea to clear them out. Plant a good, steady ladder on level ground, and use a long-handled rake

if necessary to clear the obstructions. You can also place a tarp on the ground to catch all the leaves, twigs, and birds’ nests that you scoop out.If your dog is not on a year-round heart-• worm preventative medication, take him to the vet this spring for a quick blood test. If he’s healthy, your veterinarian will pre-scribe a monthly dose of heartworm pills to keep him that way. Also, if your dog has not been spayed or neutered, now is the time to keep him on a leash anytime he’s outdoors. Humans aren’t the only ones seeking romance in the spring, and we all want to do our part to control the pet population.Don’t wait until the first day the thermom-• eter hits 90 degrees to clean your air con-ditioners. Disconnect the power to the outdoor condenser of your unit, and clear away any leaves or other debris with a power blower or vacuum cleaner. Believe it or not, one of the most common mis-takes folks make with their window air conditioners is forgetting to remove the protective winter cover before turning it on. This can completely burn out an AC unit, resulting in expensive repairs.The ritual of “spring cleaning” dates • back to the days when homes were lit with candles and kerosene lamps, and heated with burning wood or oil. By the time spring arrived, the smoke and ash accumulated during the winter necessi-tated a complete scrubbing of the house, as well as its draperies and linens. Once most homes were updated with modern heating systems, spring cleaning contin-ued on as a seasonal ritual. The chore list grew to include packing away one’s winter wardrobe.While you’re hanging up your warm • weather wardrobe, you might find a few garments that no longer fit. You may also see an item or two and wonder, “What

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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area Page 3March 16, 2009

On • March 16, 1802, the United States Military Academy -- the first military school in the United States -- is founded by Congress for the purpose of educating and training young men in the theory and practice of military science. Located at West Point, N.Y., the U.S. Military Academy is often known simply as West Point.

On • March 20, 1852, Harriet Beecher Stowe’s anti-slavery novel, “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” is published. It sells 300,000 copies within three months. While living in Cincinnati, Stowe encountered fugitive slaves and the Underground Railroad. Later, she wrote “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” in reaction to recently tightened fugitive slave laws.

On • March 22, 1908, Louis L’Amour, the prolific author of scores of bestselling Western novels, is born in Jamestown, N.D. His big break came when a novel he wrote at the age of 46 became the basis for the popular John Wayne movie “Hondo.”

On • March 18, 1925, the worst tornado in U.S. history passes through eastern Missouri, southern Illinois and southern Indiana, killing 695 people, injuring some 13,000 people and causing $17 million in property damage. Known as the “Tri-State Tornado,” the deadly twister spent more than three hours on the ground and traveled at speeds in excess of 70 mph -- unsurpassed in U.S. history.

On • March 17, 1931, radio star Kate Smith debuts her first program. The show launched performers like Abbott and Costello and introduced songs like Irving Berlin’s “God Bless America,” which she sang on Armistice Day in 1938.

On • March 19, 1971, the Italian American Civil Rights League announces a truce with the producers of “The Godfather.” Upset at the portrayal of Italian Americans as gangsters, the League persuaded the producers not to use the words “Mafia” or “Cosa Nostra.”

On • March 21, 1980, President Jimmy Carter informs a group of U.S. athletes that, in response to the December 1979 Soviet incursion into Afghanistan, the United States will boycott the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. It marked the first and only time that the United States has boycotted the Olympics.

(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

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5. Indian Ocean6. Tennessee7. Arachibutyrophobia8. A saltless, hard biscuit9. Half zebra, half horse10. Baking soda

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Break Down: When communication goes south

When communication between a married cou-ple breaks down, it’s often because the com-munication team has committed what can be called a “foul.” A foul occurs when two people go from speaking and listening respectfully into trading put downs, blaming, and some-times, attempting to punish their partner with silence. When this happens, the whole team loses, because the course of communication becomes about winning an argument instead of fi nding a mutually favorable resolution. As you practice your communication skills, be careful to not commit these common mis-takes:Foul #1: Criticism Criticism is not always a negative thing. When it is not constructive however, it can lead to partners verbally attacking each other. Using criticism in communication implies that a prob-lem or issue is the other person’s fault which may in fact be the case. Assigning blame to the other person through criticizing remarks though, places the listener on the defensive. Foul #2: Sarcasm and Cynicism Sarcasm and cynicism in communication go beyond criticism by adding put downs or de-meaning sentiments that are directed to the listener. Together, they convey what appears to be dislike or contempt for the other person. This is likely the worst foul to commit because it can lead to a poisonous cycle of increased, hurtful confl ict. Foul #3: The Counter Attack It’s natural to want to either fi ght or try to es-cape when feeling threatened or attacked. Scientists call it the fi ght or fl ight response. When on a communication team, the counter attack further fuels an already burning fi re. It can prolong a confl ict by preventing the real issue from being discussedFoul #4: The Silent Treatment You are likely familiar with this negative tac-tic. The silent treatment describes when one person makes a conscious decision to stop talking to their partner. In confl ict, this is often done out of spite. As the saying goes, silence can be deafening! Because communication is a team sport, when one person stops talking or listening, no communication can happen. Sometimes the silent treatment can signal that one person has had enough of the conversa-tion or that they’ve reached their limit. This can be a signal that its time to take a break from the discussion. Like learning any new skill, practicing and in-corporating these “rules” may seem silly, or unnatural at fi rst. The key is to keep trying to incorporate the techniques into your com-munication, particularly when things are go-ing well. Fine tune your skills by attending a Healthy Marriage Project Workshop or by vis-iting www.marry-well.org.

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EventsMicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metro-wide will receive free microchips! Visit www.ChipYourCat.com for details.

35th Annual Denver March PowWow: March 20 - March 22, 2009: The Denver Coliseum, Denver. Doors open Friday - Sunday 10:00 am. The Denver March Pow Wow Committee, on behalf of the Denver Indian community, invites all dancers, singers, traders, spectators and powwow fans to their 25th annual powwow. Enjoy dancing, singing, crafts, artisans, frybread and more. $7 per day or $18 for a three day pass. Seniors ages 60+ and children under 6 years of age are FREE! www.DenverMarchPowWow.org

6th Annual Weekend of Jazz: March 26 - March 28, 2009: The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs. Grammy Award winning guitarist, Earl Klugh, annually invites jazz and music enthusiasts to a unique, luxurious getaway at the Five Star, Five Diamond Broadmoor Resort. Patti Austin, Spyro Gyra, Jesse, J, Bob James, R ‘n’ R (Rick Braun and Richard Elliot), and more. Tickets now on sale! www.WeekendOfJazz.com

3rd Annual RootsFest - Formerly Known as the Denver Folk and Roots Music Festival: March 28, 2009; Ellie Caulkins Opera House, 1477 Columbine St, Denver. $55 - $125. Saturday 6:00 pm. Headlining - Bluegrass legends Hot Rize, multi-Grammy winner singer/songwriter Shawn Colvin, and acclaimed guitar virtuoso Leo Kottke. www.SwallowHillMusic.org

Bikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger (includes Lunch) Benefits Children’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www.EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 695-0673.

Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 - June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am - 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www.ParkerOnLine.org

Jazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass Village Resort, Snowmass Colorado. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.com

Coolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! Proceeds benefit the Estes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com

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Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum - Free admission first Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgColorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Road, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to Colo residents, 10am - 5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens - Free day: First Friday of each month, 9am - 5pm 1005 York Street, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Wed Mar 18, Sun Apr 19, Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots- Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsColorado Avalanche - NHLWild host Avalanche: Tue Mar 17, 6:00 pmAvalanche hosts Oilers: Thu Mar 19, 7:00 pmSharks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pmAvalanche hosts Ducks: Wed Mar 25, 7:00 pmAvalanche hosts Canucks: Fri Mar 27, 7:00 pmDucks host Avalanche: Sun Mar 29, 6:00 pmDenver Nuggets - NBANuggets host New Jersey: Mon Mar 16, 7:00 pmMemphis hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 18, 6:00 pmNuggets host Washington: Fri Mar 20, 7:00 pmPhoenix hosts Nuggets: Mon Mar 23, 8:00 pmNew Orleans hosts Nuggets: Wed Mar 25, 6 pmDallas hosts Nuggets: Fri Mar 27, 6:30 pmNuggets host Golden State: Sat Mar 28, 7 pmNuggets host New York: Tue Mar 31, 7:00 pmColorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse LeagueCalgary hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 21, 7:30 pmMammoth hosts Minnesota: Sun Mar 22, 6:00 pmPhiladelphia hosts Mammoth: Sat Mar 28, 5:30pmColorado Rockies - Major League Baseball

Spring TrainingArizona hosts Rockies: Mon Mar 16, 2:05 pmRockies host Kansas City: Tue Mar 17, 2:10 pmDodgers host Rockies: Thu Mar 19, 2:05 pmRockies host Texas: Fri Mar 20, 2:10 pmTexas hosts Rockies: Sat Mar 21, 2:05 pmRockies host Cleveland: Sun Mar 22, 2:10 pmRockies host Milwaukee: Mon Mar 23, 2:10 pmCubs host Rockies: Tue Mar 24, 2:05 pmAngels host Rockies: Wed Mar 25, 2:05 pmRockies host Dodgers: Thu Mar 26, 2:10 pmSeattle hosts Rockies: Fri Mar 27, 2:05 pmRockies host Cubs: Sat Mar 28, 2:10 pmOakland hosts Rockies: Sun Mar 29, 2:05 pmRockies host Arizona: Mon Mar 30, 2:10 pmWhite Socks host Rockies: Tue Mar 31, 2:05 pmKansaas City hosts Rockies: Wed Apr 1, 2:05 pmArizona hosts Rockies: Thu Apr 2, 1:05 pmSeattle hosts Rockies: Fri Apr 3, 8:05 pmRockies host Seattle: Sat Apr 4, 1:10 pm

SEASON OPENERArizona hosts Rockies Mon Apr 6, 1:40 pm, Tue Apr 7, 7:40 pm and Wed Apr 8 1:40 pmColorado Rapids - Major League SoccerDenver Outlaws - Major League LacrosseDenver Broncos - National Football League

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Renting and leasing homes is now more popular than ever. If you’ve thought about leasing your home but don’t like the idea of dealing with some of the issues that arise, there is a solution for you.Aaron Tucker, Owner of American Advantage Real Estate Services, offers a word of advice for would-be land lords. “Know your rights and the rights of your tenants. One of the headaches of renting property can be not knowing what the law says about a particular aspect of your situation.” Mr. Tucker suggests that unless you are secure with your knowledge of Colorado and Federal law regarding renting and tenants’ rights, that you consult or hire a management service.Mr. Tucker also advises to pay only for services you require. “American Advantage is an ala carte management agency. We do as little or as much management service as you require. This helps keep your costs low and provides you with only the services you need.”Some management companies require that they provide all maintenance and service to the property. This means that if the carpet needs cleaning, the service company takes care of it

– it also means they will charge you for it with a marked up price tag. If you are comfortable with cleaning and prepping your property for new tenants, or can handle small repairs on your own, a management company such as American Advantage is for you. “We can provide cleaning and maintenance on your property,” says Mr. Tucker, “but we don’t require our clients to use those services. It’s YOUR property – YOU decide.”Another factor to look into when choosing a management company is flexibility and services provided. Some management services will only handle the on-site management of the property itself; driving by once a month to make sure the lawn is mowed or painting and cleaning between clients. Other companies will provide services only to people with 4 properties or more, HOAs or houses and not condos or townhomes.American Advantage provides multi-leveled services for all types of owners. “We provide services for all types of homes,” says Mr. Tucker. “Houses, condos, town homes, multi-units – whether you own one property or an apartment complex; we can handle as little or as much of the management needs you require.”Do you prefer to be an “Absent” land

lord? American Advantage can be your full service management company from marketing your property, screening applicants, initiating back ground checks, collecting rent, cleaning, maintaining, and repairing the property. “You buy the property, we do all the work.” states Mr. Tucker. If you prefer to be more hands on, American Advantage is there to help with legal questions and assistance, mortgage options and other minor issues that arise. As little or as much as you need – American Advantage Real Estate Services is YOUR Award Winning Residential Management Specialists. Mr. Aaron Tucker can be reached directly by calling (303) 766-7620 or by emailing [email protected]. Call or email today, or visit their web site www.AmericanAdvatageCo.com. Mr. Tucker will provide you with the optimal solution for your rental property.

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A U T O PA R T SDear Tidbits Readers: Tidbits - Denver Metro Area can now place your display or classified ad in over 300 papers across the country! Papers such as: American Classifieds; Penny Saver; Thrifty Nickel; and other Tidbit publications throughout the USA. There is no need to contact each paper individually to place an ad.

PRIVATE PARTY ADS - start at $12.00 per week for the first 20 words and 35 cents for each additional word.

B U S I N E S S /COMMERCIAL ADS - start at $18.00 per week for the first 20 words and 35 cents for each additional word.Email us at [email protected] or call us at (303) 688-1987 to place your ad today

STEEL BUILDINGS: 4

Only 25x38, 30x48, 40x62, 45x84. Must Move Now! Will Sell for Balance Owed.

Free Delivery! 1-800-411-5869 x84

COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS

FUN TRAVEL JOB

Hiring 18-23 individuals to travel USA. Two weeks

paid training, transportation,

and lodging furnished. Toll free

866-234-3225.

4BD, 2BA Foreclosure. Only

$238/mo! 5% Down, 15yrs @ 8%! For Listings

1-800-576-6921, ext H357

A NEW COMPUTER NOW!!!!Brand

Name laptops & desktops Bad or NO Credit - No

Problem Smallest weekly payments

avail. Its yours NOW- Call

800-840-5439

AFFORDABLE FORECLOSURE!

3BD/2BA, $201/mo! 5BD/2BA, $378/mo! (5% down, 30yrs. @ 8%) For Listing 1-800-576-6921,

ext. T770

A PA R T M E N T S F O R R E N T

$213/MO! 4BD, 2BA HUD! Must Sell! 5% Down, 30yrs

@ 8%. For Listings 1-800-576-6921,

ext. D044

Garage Door Problems?

Commercial - Residential. 1st Time Customers

15% OFF. All Access Overhead

Doors (303) 726-3120

TIRED OF BEING OVERWEIGHT

WITH NO ENERGY?

I can show you how to Lose Weight have More Energy

and Keep it Off!!! Guaranteed

and Dr. Recommended.

Call 888-373-8308.

MISCELLANEOUS

WANT TO Purchase minerals and other oil/gas interests. Send details to: P.O.Box 13557,

Denver, CO 80201

MANUFACTUREDHOUSING

THE LUCK of the Irish is with YOU! RECENTLY RE-

DUCED 2 and 3 bed homes from $750/mo

NO DEPOSIT. Call 303.343.1414 or Ru-ben at 303.258.6116

for more info.

SPECTACULAR WOODED LOTS – Mountain views, wildlife and well-planned open space

make these 3-5 acre lots starting at $185,000 very exclusive. The Preserve At Deerfield in

Franktown, CO provides the rural living condi-tions, but still conveniently located to all major

business areas. Call 303-688-1987 to schedule a time to view your next home site.

LAND/LOTS FOR SALE

MISCELLANEOUS


Need a new best friend?

Madigan - a 2-year-old spayed female domestic short hair mix. ID #A0509108

Cat Of The Week

Dumb Friends League2080 South Quebec St.

Denver, CO 80231 (303) 751-5772

www.ddfl .org

Call to adopt one of these or any of the other wonderful pets available

for $55 - $115.

Dog Of The WeekPenelope - a 10-month-old female Chihuahua mix. ID #A0510769

It was Scott Adams, best known as the • creator of the “Dilbert” comic strip, who made the following observation: “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.”Many people believe that 24-karat gold • is pure, but that’s not true -- it has a small amount of copper blended with the gold. The reason is practical: Pure gold is so soft that if you were to find an absolutely pure sample, you would be able to mold it with your bare hands.You may be surprised to learn that the • third president of the United States, Thomas Jefferson, was more than a revolutionary leader and politician -- he was also an inventor. One of his cre-ations was the dumbwaiter.Do you suffer from misoneism? Quite a • few people these days seem to. It’s a hatred or fear of change or innovation.If you’ve got extra money on your hands • -- a lot of extra money! -- the next time you’re updating your wardrobe, you might take a look at Escada’s couture line of jeans, which, with prices starting at $7,500, is the most expensive in the world.During the Revolutionary War, the Brit-• ish hired mercenary Hessian soldiers to fight for them against the colonists. The reward for putting life and limb at risk for a cause not theirs? A grand total of 25 cents per day.Attention fisherfolk: If you happen to • catch and gut the species known as the garfish, you’ll find green bones inside it.

Thought for the Day: “The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”

-- Jean Kerr

WEEKLY ANSWERS

CHANGE A LIFESeeking adults to provide love,

supervision, patience and attention for children 2 - 17 in your home.

Tax FREE Reimbursement, training and support - Call

Sarah (303) 302-3263Denver Area Youth Services

A piece of pavement walked into a bar. It gruffly ordered a beer, drank it down in one gulp, slammed his money on the counter, and then left. “Whew!” sighed the bartend-er. “That was a close one!” “Why?” asked another customer. “That guy that was just here? He’s a cycle path.” My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t operate my Game Boy?” “I’d love to drive a big rig,” I told my uncle, a truck driver, “but I’d worry about driving down the road some late night and falling asleep at the wheel.” “Here’s a tip to stay awake,” he offered. “Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window.” My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run. After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see several surprised customers staring at him. “Everything’s fine,” he reassured. “This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items.” “You just go ahead,” the man in the shop-ping mall said to his wife. “While you’re shop-ping, I’ll just browse in the hardware store.” An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ring-ing up the last of a basket full of tools and supplies. “Are you buying all this?” his wife asked incredulously. “Well, yes,” he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store, he added, “But look at all the stuff I’m leaving behind.”One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, “Mommy, to-day in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl re-plied, “My homework.” A college student at a recent football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a dif-ferent world,” the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has

walked on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh....” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the old geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are YOU doing for the next generation?” A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old estab-lished hair cutters’ place. They put up a big bold sign which read: “We give seven dollar hair cuts!” Not to be outdone, the old master barber put up his own sign: “We fix seven dollar hair cuts!” A passenger jet was suffering through a se-vere thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?” To which he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not manage-ment.”

By Samantha Weaver


WEEKLY FUNNIES

You Do NOT have to do

Let us help you! Cleaning (one-time, maintenance, moving)Concierge ServicesEven Handyman Services!

What can we do for you?

Call NOW for your FREE in-home estimate!

(303) 816-6500www.DomesticDivasInc.com

EVERYTHING!


Some Short Truths About Life...

The trouble with bucket seats is that • not everybody has the same size bucketDo you realize that in about 40 years • we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?The nicest thing about the future is • that it always starts tomorrow.Money will buy a fine dog but only •

kindness will make him wag his tail.

If you • don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all

Seat • belts are not as confining as

wheelchairs.A good time to keep your mouth shut • is when you’re in deep water.I’ve reached the age where the happy • hour is a nap.

“The World Through A Child’s Eyes”

Can be YOURS!

This acclaimed book written by Michael Brasier is perfect for children and adults alike who enjoy reading about different

countries and adventures through the eyes of a child.

The perfect book to

read with your child.

As Seen on Amazon.comBuy direct and save 20%!!!!

Call now for your personal copy.(303) 688-1987

[email protected]

“Most refreshing reading... This is an opportunity that many children do not get,

but can now experience by reading this very interesting

and delightful book.”Mrs. W. Craigg - Governor of The Central Bank of The

Bahamas

Laugh Lines!

100’s of bank-owned homes now available at unbelievable • prices. I know where they are and will show you how to find them. with the Home Buyers Scouting Report!You want to be sure the price is fair, I know the market and • will advise you at no out of pocket expense to you.You want the best terms you can get. I have the experience • of over 200 transactions to aggressively represent you.New home builders are also making deals and I’m not afraid • to ask for deep discounts for my qualified buyers.You have a home to sell? First explore all the options. There • is more than one approach that could make you some real

money.If you qualify to rent, chances are you qualify to purchase a • home for less than you pay now! Find out in less than thirty minutes.I will always be available to you if you want information or • advice. I’m never more than a “click” or a phone call away from giving you the full service you deserve from an experi-enced real estate agent.First time home buyers can get up to $8000 tax credit - with • no repayment. Own your first home today. Email me for the link giving you all the info you need!

“Own your first home PLUS receive an $8,000 check in the mail from the IRS.”

Don’t Miss Out On Your $8000 Tax Credit

John R. Martin - Associate of Brokers Guild Cherry Creek LTD - 720.366.3532 - [email protected]

With Prices And Interest Rates This Low, This is A Once In A Life Time Chance To Own Your First Home

Be careful reading the fine print. • There’s no way you’re going to like it.Business conventions are important • because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.Why is it that at class reunions you • feel younger than everyone else looks?Scratch a dog and you’ll find a • permanent job.No one has more driving ambition • than a boy who wants to buy a car.There are no new sins....the old ones • just get more publicity.There are worse things than getting • a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.Think about this. No one ever says, • “It’s only a game” when his team is winning.After a certain age, if you don’t wake • up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.How come it takes so little time for • a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?Money can’t buy happiness but some • how, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.Change is inevitable, except from a • vending machine.

Documents

Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1079