The Love IssueFeb./March 2009

HEADBANGERSRelationships reMixed

FOR MARRIED MOMMA’SWHEN..The Supawoman JuiceIs Not Enough

SINGLE LIFE IN THE 21ST CENTURYstarring Al B, UrbanInsite’s SexiestMan Alive 2006 & supa phenomWellness coach Tiffanydenise

tobeconscious.com

because mediocrity is overrated

Love Is...Out of the Mouths of Babies

+

Are You My Husband?and more!

Call 212.330.7906 or visitwww.tobeconscious.com for more details.

In This IssueFEATURESAre You My Husband?by Karen McMullen

For Married-Momma-ProfessionalsWho’ve Considered Giving Up WhenThe Supawoman Juice Is Not Enoughby Aiesha Turman

Love Is...Out Of The Mouths Of Babiesby k. Neycha Herford

The Dynamics Of Loveby Emelia Sam

PlusSpecial Invitation:Headbangers: Relationships reMixed

IN EVERY ISSUEMusings From The Editor

Two CentsOn-air Radio Personality Albert Butler

and Wellness & Lifestyle Coach Tiffanydenise

Real TalkThe Hazards Of Dating

Feb./March 2009. Love

tobeconscious.com magazinea division of Neycha, Inc. 212.330.7906

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Personal Growth Is A Choice.What Are You Choosing?

tt oott oo bb eebb ee cc oo nn ss cc ii oo uu ss cc oo nn ss cc ii oo uu ss .. cc oo mm.. cc oo mm

Specializing In:Specializing In:Self-inquiry � Self-cultivation � Life Purpose

Personal Transformation � Organic Career Path Creativity � Grief & Loss � Crisis � Transitions

Holistic Self-care � Relationshipsand so much more!

Packages, Programs, Special OffersPackages, Programs, Special OffersDiscovery Package

The Art Of Becoming Conscious TeleseminarSymbolic Personal AnalysisInterior Transformations

Workbooks Workbooks The Art Of Becoming Conscious

White Noise: The Underbelly Of Traumatic Loss

Free ConsultationFree Consultation212.330.7906

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Workshops & Teleseminars

Hello lovely people. We’re back with the second ad-dition of the tobeconscious.com mag. Straight up,no chaser sentiments about personal growth. If youmissed the hoopla, refer to the launch issue. I’mworn of repeating myself lately.

Thanks a mill to all of you who took the time to shootme a note congratulating this work, and for those ofyou who were discerning and reprimanding enough to call me out on adding yet anotherthing to my plate. Ah, to live and continue the process of evolving. Ya gotta love it! Idid enlist more people this time! And I’d like to express my gratitude to each and everyone of you who contributed your time and energy to help complete this month’s mag.

This issue, the love issue, takes a look at the thing we all desire most – from the per-spective of children between the ages of two and ten in Love Is* (p. 13) to the grownchildren types in The Dynamics Of Love (p. 26) by regular contributor Emelia Sam. It’salmost impossible to have a conversation about love without exploring that other thingso many grown children types hate – dating. From Are You My Husband? (p. 19) byKaren McMullen to The Hazards Of Dating in Real Talk (p. 27) penned by moi, weaimed to cover just that, some of the hazards of dating.

We also feature, in this issue’s Two Cents (p. 22), on-air personality Al B! along with well-ness and lifestyle coach Tiffanydenise talking about being single and dating in the 21stcentury. Both physically gorgeous people (I've seen them both in person!) and stackedwith lots to offer, you may wonder how is it possible that they are single?! Shiiiittt (asmy mom would draw the word out) I can vouch there’s a lot of us wondering the samething (including two of the other single beauties who contributed this month) about our-selves (clears throat – grins slyly. I couldn’t resist, LOL!)

Then, because we all get tired of complaining and hearing others complain, we offeryou For Married-Momma-Professionals Who’ve Considered Giving Up When The Su-pawoman Juice Is Not Enough (p. 9) and 4 Tips For Rocking Healthy Marriages (p. 10),both by Aiesha Turman.

Finally, in the event that you’re one of our single readers out there wondering what inthe world you’re doing wrong and why you can’t keep a relationship, I personally inviteyou to participate in my upcoming tele-seminar series – Headbangers: RelationshipsreMixed (p. 2 & p. 21). There’s no real good reason to let the potential of your futurerelationships be snagged by the untruths and catastrophes of your challenged relation-ships of the past. Reframe that shit – momma, daddy, first love, last love, stank friend.Instantly. I look forward to working wit’ cha!nn

6Rock on,

Greetings,

*Special thanks to my homie Stacey StoneBennett for the use of the photo of her

stunning children, (p. 13)

blur the lines. be other. neycha.com

MUSIC APPAREL BOOKS

Well-being requires an everyday commitment to balance. As a wife, mother of ayoung child, and social entrepreneur with big dreams, I know first hand just how diffi-cult it can be to hold it down on multiple fronts. Sometimes I just want to sit in a cornerand drool rather than deal with the numerous demands on my time; demands thathave at times overwhelmed me and taken a toll on my marriage.

At one point, my relationship with my partner was a series of "good morning's" and"good night's" with a little bit of conversation about our child thrown in for good meas-ure. There was little intimacy. Moments that had once been filled with passion were re-placed with me falling asleep at my laptop way past the midnight hour. I had put myrelationship on autopilot and it was headed for a crash. I had to make a decision – tocontinue an unconscious course or move in another direction. I had to consider the im-pact my stressed marriage had on every area of my life. Did it really matter? Was myrelationship important?

Of course it was. I thought back to when my husband and I were first married and thelife we talked about having with one another. Then I sat down with him and we hadan extremely thoughtful discussion about where we were and where we wanted tobe. Neither one of us liked where our relationship was, but hadn't really brought it up tothe other for fear of opening up a can of worms. Luckily, we were on the exact samepage, and together we began to craft a plan for our lives - a plan that took into ac-count our individual and family goals.

Now, we make it a point to have weekly family meetings to talk about what's workingand what needs improvement. The essence of our relationship is communication. Wetalk all the time and about everything, making sure to clearly communicate our needsand wants. We also make time for one another without our child. Sometimes it's goingto a movie, other times it is a quick walk around the block. The point is we spend timealone, which has been important for re-cultivating intimacy.

The minute I made the decision to work on our relationship, everything changed. Ac-tively engaging with my husband has made the other areas of my life run moresmoothly. Projects move forward and are completed; the quality and quantity of timespent with our daughter has increased, and our home is now filled with comfort andease.

I am not perfect, nor do I try to be. However, I am committed to building the relation-ship I deserve without sacrificing my individuality, goals or dreams.�

For Married-Momma-Professionals Who’ve Considered Giving Up

When The Supawoman Juice Is Not EnoughBy Aiesha Turman

9

TipsTips4444for Rocking Healthy

Marriages

Communicate

Take Time For Yourself

Spend Time With Your Partner

Don’t Aim For Perfection

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By Aiesha Turman

Communicate. Serious communication isn't about mun-dane conversation, it's about really knowing who your part-ner is and how you can work together to build a life thatyou will both enjoy. Take time and evaluate your relation-ship and set goals and then set aside time to re-evaluatewhere you are headed. This can be weekly, monthly, quar-terly, or whatever floats your boat. Regardless of the timeframe, do it.

Take time for yourself. You need and deserve time alone.Use this time to refresh your mind and spirit. If it meansgetting up half an hour before your home begins stirring,then so be it. Use this time to reflect on who you are andwhat your needs are. Doing this will make communicatingwith your partner all the more easy.

Spend time with your partner. Hang out with each other likewhen you were dating. Participate in mutually enriching ac-tivities. If he's a sports fan, go to a game. If you're a mu-seum buff, head to a local gallery. People change and growand spending time with one another will keep you in tunewith your partner.

Don't aim for perfection. Focus on what's really important inyour life and don't sweat the rest of it. Aiming for perfectiononly sets you up for failure and will cause stress. Every-thing will eventually fall into place.�

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Love Is...The old saying “out the mouths of babies” has longstood as a reminder that children are wise beyondtheir years. Often innocent and hard to edit, theyspeak their minds – freely without regard for what oth-ers might think.

I have often found in my darkest times, that openingmyself to the presence and unconditional love of achild was all the medicine I needed. Without theheavy-handed influence of a biased parent, childrenare by definition full of curiosity, slow to judgment andvery quick to love.

They are unburdened by the influence of failed ro-mantic relationships, and hard years spent yearningfor a parent’s approval or a best friend’s validation.Children simply love without hesitation because it is inthem to do – the distinct nature of being human.

And so it is our natural predisposition, even as gun-shyadults with hearts that have been battlefields morethan we desired, to still love without caution. It is myhope that you hitch a quick ride on the words of thebabies that follow on the next few pages. Ride themback to a time when you too were innocent andopen to all that love could possibly be in your life.Courageously own those possibilities again and makethem a reality in your life today.

Pony up people!�

“Love is sufficientunto love.”

Kahlil Gibran

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by K. Neycha Herford

"You. Why? (My friend Neycha asked me to ask you.) Oh. (Silence) Love is you Mom."Idea Viola Reid, (age 5)New York

“Bananas...and God."Zoe Toomer, (age 3)Fayetteville, NC

"I don't know what love is!"Maceo Crump, (age 3 1/2)Brooklyn, NY

"Uncle D and Aunt Lois kissing...eeeelllllll!"Tamiya, (age 5)VA

"Hearts."David Toomer, (age 7)Fayetteville, NC

“Love is, um, um, I don’t know. I forgot.”Nina McCollum, (age 5)

Atlanta, GA

“Love is the way I feel about you, and when you give a person lots ofhugs and kisses."

Amanda Kaitlyn, (age 7)Washington, DC

"Love means you love your mom and dad and that means that youtake care of your kids forever and ever. That's what

love means Mama.”Maya Malaika, (age 4)

Albuquerque, NM

“Love is Jesus."Mya Hale, (age 3)

Largo, MD

Love Is...

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“Momma, you are love. Momma is love.”Olivia McNebb, (age 3)

Martinsville, VA

“Umm, I don't know Mommy. Where is it?"Jordan Riddick, (age 3)

Newark, NJ

“Love is something that you feel.”Lauren Carter, (age 9)

High Point, North Carolina

"It means that you kiss someone and they like it" Caleb Brisbon, (age 5)

Charlotte, NC

“Something that means, love means that, I don’t know Kim.”(cracking up in laughter)Adina Prillaman, (age 6)

Collinsville, VA

“Love is a relationship and someone that you really care about.”Nia Ryan, (age 7)Brooklyn, NY

"Love is when people get around each other and kiss and all thatstuff and get married." Griggs Moody, (age 9)South Carolina

"Kindness."Jonathan Toomer, (age 10)Fayetteville, NC

“Love means that you care about someone very very much.”Hunter Fly, (age 6)Brooklyn, NY

“Love is caring.”Taryn Edgar, (age 3)Brooklyn, NY

Love Is...

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“Love is when people think you are special to them or special to herand that you're glad that they're alive.”Rachel Ryan, (age 10)Brooklyn, NY

“Love is sharing my toys with Maywin my brother because I love him.”Morgan Young, (age 4)Weschester, NY

“When you really have strong feelings for somebody.”Lydia Prillaman, (age 10)Collinsville, VA

“Love? Um, I love you mommy this much!” (arms open wide)Zenzele, (age 4)Brooklyn, NY

“Love is when you love your family.”Milla Setbon, (age 6)New York, NY

“Love means you are for someone very much and you try to do your best to make them happy.”

Jadun Fly, (age 9)Brooklyn, NY

“Love is kisses and hugs. I love to kiss and hug my mom, oh and mom, I love hot wheel cars.”

Joseph Levy, (age 4) Kannapolis, NC

"Love is being kind to another and giving each other Valentine cards and like.....you can hug your friends."

Ann Elise Moody, (age 6)South Carolina

“Aviah loves you mommy."Aviah Menefee, (age 2)

Bassett, VA

“Love is when you love somebody.”Loane Setbon, (age 5)

New York, NY

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“To love a person is to learn the song that is

in their heart and sing it to them

when they have forgotten.”Thomas Chandler

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A r e Y o u M y H u s b a n d ?

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Words: Karen McMullen

Do you remember the classic chil-dren’s story “Are You My Mother”? Ifyou’re a parent, a very involved auntie orhave a great memory from you ownchildhood, perhaps you do. If not, here itis quick: A baby bird wakes up one day tofind himself alone in his nest, and beginsa search to find his mother. Along theway, he encounters all sorts of creatures;a cow, a boat, a kitten, etc, and inquiresof each of them, “Are you my mother?”And of course the answer is “No”. As thestory progresses, poor baby bird getsmore and more distressed and more andmore panicked about finding his mother.Will he ever find her? Or will he end upalone in his nest forever and ever?

Cut to me, another single chick ofsorts, a few months back, having coffeewith a newly de-married gal pal. She,back off the bench after two kids and 7years of marriage, was looking forward tore-entering the game. Having crossedmarriage and children off of her life’s to-do list, she stamps each blind/set-up-/eharmonized date and dusted offex-boyfriend “For Entertainment Use Only”and proceeds to have quite simply agood time. No ulterior motive. No imagin-ing what her new hyphenated last namewill sound like. No wondering whose eyestheir unborn child will have. Just a date fordate’s sake. What a concept.

cont’d

A r e Y o u M y H u s b a n d ?

I, a 10-year veteran of the post-marriage dating scene, am less cava-lier about dating. Seriously exhausted by the endless stream of could be’sand maybes I’ve endured over coffee and cocktails, I’m ready to cut rightto the chase on date one: You’re kinda cute (check), have all or most ofyour original teeth (check), and have some semblance of a job (check).You appear heterosexual, bathed and possess a high school degree or itsequivalent. Check, check, check.

So….Are you my husband?

Wow! You say. THAT was fast! I know! I agree! But I just can’t help it. Nomatter how cool and nonchalant I may appear to my dates, deep down I,like our little bird friend, harbor a seed of dread that I too might end up alonein my nest, forever and ever.

Now, it’s not that I haven’t been married before. I have. Had theshowers, the flowers, the dress, the stress. Had the ring, the pictures. Hadand still have the baby, now 12 years old. The wedding was one helluvaparty, starring me, looking fab, if I do say so myself. The marriage howeverwas a little less fun. Dramatic and traumatic with pain that lingered longafter it was over. Kinda like a two and a half year root canal. A week does-n’t go by that I don’t thank the gods for divorce court. It was damn unpretty.

Yet and still, I want another husband. A new, improved model, HubbyVersion 2.0. I don’t know if I’m eternally optimistic or chronically masochistic,but I don’t care. I want one. And anyone with XY chromosomes is a candi-date. Like baby bird, I ask each of them (in my head, of course - I’m not thatcrazy) “Are you my husband?” And like baby bird, the ‘no’s’ and “oh HELLno’s” have come fast and furious.

Early on the journey I met Andy. He was cute and playful and liked tofetch…um, bring me things. But he also couldn’t help sniffing after every fe-male walking by, and he had an incurable inclination to hump things. Any-thing that moved, in fact.

“Are you my husband?” said I. “No, you’re not my husband. You are adog!”.

Then along came Larry, a big, masculine, strong fella who ate any-thing I cooked for him with reckless abandon. But his apartment was so vileit should have been condemned by the board of health. And he was a lit-tle too casually bathed for my tastes.

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Seriously, arenʼt you sick and tired of swimming in the bullshit story lines of

your past loves?

Somethingʼs got to give!Donʼt you think itʼs time toshift, remix and evolve?

In this 5-week series led byNeycha, you will:

• identify your limitingthoughts and beliefs and

learn to shift them

• discover the hidden mes-sages of past loves

• reframe the BS

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21

“Are you my husband?” No, you’re not myhusband. You are a pig!” And so on. Over the pastdecade I’ve dated most of Old Macdonald’s farmand a good part of the Bronx zoo. I’ve met snakes,a couple of monkeys, a weasel and a team of jack-asses. Melvin the Millionaire, the world traveled in-vestment banker would sell his own mother to makea buck. He was a shark. Anthony, the Adonnis-bod-ied personal trainer morphed into an unshavenrage-a-holic not unlike a grizzly bear. To be fair, therehave also been several really lovely men, withwhom, sadly, there was simply no chemistry. Andwhat can a girl do about that?

My quest for hubby-nouveau has been timeconsuming, yet rather entertaining. Frustrating attimes, but educational. My heart’s been brokentwice and bruised a few times as well, but I’m stillstanding. All this dating has also given me the op-portunity to figure out exactly what I want in a part-ner, as well as – equally importantly- what I don’treally need. Money is nice, but integrity is nicer. Play-ful is fun, but responsibility is essential. Muscles aresexy, but….but nothin: muscles are just sexy! Throughit all, I’ve kept hope alive that one of these fellaswould prove to be not a prince disguised as a frog,but just a regular, good, solid guy.

Cut to me today. I met someone a couple ofmonths back who is not a dog. He is not a snake ora weasel or a jackass. In fact, he’s a real man, af-fectionate and loyal, hardworking, smart and sweet.We’re three months in and I must say, so far so good.Amazingly, I find myself simply enjoying the relation-ship as it unfolds; no expectations, no pressure, nodoodling my first name with his last name. Of courseI’ve wondered “Are you my husband”, and perhapsmaybe he is. I think I’ll keep him around for a whileand see. And hope like hell he doesn’t show histail.�

HeadbangersRelationships reMix

A special invitation

to

transform therelationship dramas

of your past.

Two CENTSHIS

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Thoughts about 21st century dating?Dating in general just sucks, no matter the century. At one point a few years ago I was going on so many1st dates, I was getting bored OF MYSELF! If I told one more person what I did, or where I went to schoolI was gonna lose it! So I just stopped dating for almost a year! But I have to say, the biggest thing aboutdating in the 21st century is the impact of technology. It opens way more doors to possibilities than everbefore i.e. social/networking websites. But it has also made us lazy (getting to talk on the phone is damnnear impossible!). So I think how we navigate and utilize technology will be the biggest part of successof dating now and for the not-so-distant future.

Single and dating multiple partners, do you tell each potential mate about the others? Just a general mention of "I’m dating". Names are not necessary, no invites are being sent out, no dinnerparties. LOL

When it's clear a romantic connection isnot going to jump off, how do you transi-tion to "just friends"? Or do you justdead it? Not sure I ever thought about it. I guess Ijust begin to treat them like I would any otherplatonic association.

What are your top three must haves in apotential partner? Attraction, intelligence, sense of humor.

How important is physical chemistry? VERY. I'm all about the passion. That can’tbe manufactured.

A deal breaker you can spot on date one? Besides smoking, um, wild materialism.

Why are you single? The universe and I have yet to agree onthings.

How do you feel about single life?It’s cool. I miss some of the intimate thingsyou get to share sometimes. But right nowit's ok. cont’d

Two CENTS HER

Thoughts about 21st century dating?Very difficult. Everyone is closed up, afraid of getting hurt. So if you're really serious about being in a

meaningful relationship you have to be patient.

Single and dating multiple partners, do you tell each potential mate about the others?I don’t date multiple partners at one time. It just doesn’t work for me.

When it's clear a romantic connection is not going to jump off, how doyou transition to "just friends"? Or do you just dead it?

I just send the friend vibes. They either get it or stick around for me toverbally tell them that over and over again.

What are your top three must haves in apotential partner?Friendship. Mutual respect. Similar sense ofvalues.

How important is physical chemistry?Very. But it must be coupled with mental,spiritual, intellectual as well.

A deal breaker you can spot on date one?A guy who is mad picky way more than I amas a woman.

Why are you single?Kinda dating (haven't sealed the deal yet--hopefully soon). But, it’s hard…they are farand few in between.

How do you feel about single life?I have lived it for soooo long I think its one ofthe best things that could have happened tome. I have learned so much about myself.I know what I want, what I don’t want. Iknow how to take care of myself ya know. Ipay my own bills, yada yada yada.

cont’d 23

What's necessary for your status to change? For two parties to agree! But right now I feel like Obama datingrepublicans!

In lieu of our feature story, (ARE YOU MY HUSBAND?) whatdo you think about women who scope out dudes for hubbymaterial as early as date one?I think it’s fine to assess the potential in a mate from day/dateone. The problem comes when they decide on date ONE thathe IS the ONE and begin to treat him as such. That's a quickway to ensure the only aisle he'll be walking down leads to theexit!

What do you think is the deal with men who stay in long-term relationships without popping the question?Well, having been that guy, it was fear. I knew, in my heart ofhearts, that we were not meant to be and I was afraid to breakup, afraid to destroy the image of what we projected, afraid thatI wouldn't find someone to love me in the same way, afraid thatI would disappoint those wanting us to make it, afraid that if wedid get married, it would fail anyway.

Not sure why other guys do it. Maybe they are afraid the rela-tionship will change. Maybe they think the relationship has lesspressure without the commitment of marriage. Maybe they feelthey have to get to a certain position in life before they can han-dle the responsibility of marriage. Maybe they have their womanhooked and can do whatever and don’t feel a need to marry.�

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Al ButlerMr. Midday

On-air personality

www.900wurdam.comwww.myspace.com/al

bertbutler

What's necessary for your status to change?Well I’m ready. So the guy just gotta be ready too and the rightone of course!

In lieu of our feature story, (ARE YOU MY HUSBAND?) whatdo you think about women who scope out dudes for hubbymaterial as early as date one?Well I think we have all been guilty of that at on point or another.I now look to a man that I am interested in to be my friend firstand foremost. For women who do that, I think it’s because wejust don't understand how meaningful relationships are built.We get stuck in the ideal of being married.

What do you think is the deal with men who stay in long-term relationships without popping the question?That's a tricky one. Having been married once myself, I don'tthink a marriage ceremony or piece of paper makes a marriage.(Laughter)….I have been there so I speak from my own expe-rience. So for guys who don't pop the question, I think most ofthe time they are just simply scared. Men on a deep level aremuch more sensitive than women. I think we scare them withthe clamp, clamp of the marriage ideal.�

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TiffanydeniseWellness & Lifestyle

Coach

Face Book: TiffanyDenise

Email: tiffany-denise74@yahoo.com

The Dynamics of Loveby Emelia Sam

“As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I

in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love,

even it if seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever

experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated

to continual becoming.” Leo Buscaglia

We all need to love and be loved. Aside from air and sustenance, love is the onething we know we can not thrive without. But when it comes to romantic love, howmany of us stop to think about approaching our relationships from a spiritual stand-point?

Like any other aspect of our lives, we must hold the thought before we can createthe circumstance. Unconscious romantic pursuits will manifest in shallow unions. Pri-marily focusing on superficial traits such as the physical reveals nothing that is rep-resentative of the other’s essence. We need to dig deep in order to discover thetraits we consider to be essential in our ideal partners. In determining these char-acteristics, it is inevitable that we unearth the ideals that we should strive to be. Afterall, should we ask for that which we are incapable of providing?

Having closely examined our essential desires, we must turn our attention to ourideas of what love is. Operating out of fear, we often reference the mindless scriptsthat have been handed to us; scripts that emphasize strife, deceit, possession, andpain as expected components of love. These hidden beliefs impede the true na-ture of genuine love which entails truth and growth.

Know that the process of self-discovery doesn’t end with a union. Just as spirit moveswithin and inspires us as individuals, it, too, will guide us in partnership. Allowing theinfusion of spirit maintains the process of self-revelation while we embrace the dis-covery of newness in our partners. By loving from spirit, we don’t fear growing apart.We only welcome growing together.

Is your love unconsciously scripted or is it one that leaves room for growth and ex-pansion? �

26

Fcuk all the bullshit.If “he’s just not that into you”, then dead it right away.

Not after yakkin’ with your girlfriends for the 100th time about how he said suchand such and how it may have meant such and such like you somebody whoneeds Jennifer Anniston on the big screen to point some shit out to you.

If he didn’t say it, verbatim, then you can’t assume he means anything. Stop that maddness.

Listen to what he says. If he tells you that he’s cool being single, girl he IS GOOD with being single. Youhave not been heaven sent to help him realize something he may have never realized were it not for you.We have to stop fooling ourselves.

If she tells you that she’s looking for “X” type of dude, then please take her at her word. If you are NOTalready “X” type of dude, or interested in becoming such, then you need to bounce ‘cause you’ll nevermake the grade. Trust - if you stick around, then you enter her remake-you-over-cause-she-knows-what’s-better-for-you-than-you-do-zone at your own risk, fool.

People tell us who they are in the very beginning. It is our job to listen.You must know yourself well enough to know what you can and can’t live without.

The flags you see in the beginning, and later check out on as you ride into la, la land seldom disappear.Either you’re down for attempting to be somebody’s savior, or you’re down for an equitable partnership.The two don’t go hand in hand – not at the same time anyway.

Keep it simple. Make a list of all the things that are important to you in a relationship.Prioritize this list according to what you value and desire most in a partner.

If “emotionally available and giving” is number 1 for you, but you find yourself intrigued because the per-son is a “genuine music lover” and that’s number 21 on your list, then you need to recast the shit that getsyou hot.

If the potential partner fails to meet any of your top 5 or 10 priorities, you will need to make sure you havean unlimited cell plan and friends who give a damn. Settling for those who are short on the top end isnot a great recipe for fulfillment or the basis for sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship.

Hold out. Really. Don’t be afraid to ask for and receive what you want from life. Trust that your vision ofpartnering exist somewhere out there in this great big ‘ol world.

Is there any other point?

The Hazards Of Dating

Rock On,27

REAL TALK

n

www.fsexperience.com