Resolving Conflict as a Small Group Leader

Mark Naylormark.naylor@twu.ca

Fellowship International Northwest Baptist Seminary

1. Ministers of Reconciliation2. What is a crucial conversation:

Opinions vary Stakes are high Emotions run strong

3. Flight or fight; silence or violence

Crucial conversations

1. Ministers of Reconciliation2. What is a crucial conversation:

Opinions vary Stakes are high Emotions run strong

3. Flight or fight; silence or violence4. Key skill: Dialogue

Crucial conversations

1. Who is responsible to hold a crucial conversation? I am

2. When should I hold a crucial conversation? Whenever possible. Instead of saying “That’s not that important,” get into the practice of looking for, welcoming and addressing any and all issues to practice.

3. Have crucial conversations about crucial conversations. Take ownership and encourage each other to hold crucial conversations.

Practices to Cultivate

Work on yourself first Be self-aware

Step Back (Mentally) Acknowledge the reality (Mentally) Focus on what you really want

Avoid the fool’s choice The elusive “AND”

Start with Heart

Style under stress

My Crucial Conversations Skills Score

GOAL: Keep in dialogue Learn to Look: Interpret conflict and tension

as lack of safety Tool 1: Step out of the conversation Decide Which Condition of Safety Is at Risk

Mutual Purpose. Mutual Respect

Apologize When Appropriate Tool 2: Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding

Creating Safety

Retrace Your Path Notice your behavior. Get in touch with your feelings. Analyze your stories

Tell the rest of the story Turn victims into actors. Turn villains into humans. Turn the helpless into the able.

Master your Stories

Share your facts Tell your story Ask for others' paths Talk tentatively Encourage testing

Tool 3: STATE your path

AMPP:

Ask Mirror Paraphrase Prime

Tool 4: Listening with AMPP

ABC: Agree, build, contrast1. Remember your goal

– which is what?2. Agree: Not with what you disagree with, but

find common ground.3. Build: Discuss the bigger issues that

encompass both the areas you agree and disagree.

4. Contrast: NOT disagree.

Tool 5: Listening with ABC

1. Who is responsible to hold a crucial conversation? I am

2. When should I hold a crucial conversation? Whenever possible. Instead of saying “That’s not that important,” get into the practice of looking for, welcoming and addressing any and all issues to practice.

3. Have crucial conversations about crucial conversations. Take ownership and encourage each other to hold crucial conversations.

Practices to Cultivate