Living the Life of a Miracle

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Living the Life

of a MiracleFinding God’s grace

during a deep trial

JAMES MEAD



Living the Life of a Miracle. Copyright © 2011 by James Mead. All rights

reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner

whatsoever without written permission from the author, except in the case

of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

ISBN: 978-0-9831961-1-2

Published and printed in the United States of America by

The Write Place. Cover and interior design by Alexis Thomas,

The Write Place. For more information, please contact:

The Write Place709 Main Street, Suite 2

Pella, Iowa 50219

www.thewriteplace.biz

Copies of this book may be ordered from The Write Place online atwww.thewriteplace.biz/bookplace

Article on page 64 used with the permission of the editor of the

Knoxville Journal-Express.



James Mead

iii

Dedication

There are so many people that have encouraged me during this process.

The doctors and nurses at the VA hospital and at Iowa Methodist Hos-pital that, in truth, saved my life, cannot be thanked enough. The neurosur-

geon who operated, even though he had never seen such a case and did not

know how exactly to proceed, the neurologist who was able to recognize my

stroke in time to save my life, the intensive care nurses who took good care

of me (and my family), and the physical therapists who guided me through

the process all need to be recognized for their dedication and care.

My church family; words cannot express how grateful I am to be asso-ciated with such a generous church. During the time when I was in the hos-

pital, the church communicated very clearly to my family that they would

be cared for. They were not to worry about my salary, my vacation, or other

problems; their job at this time was to worry about me, not my paycheck.

Thank you!!! However, not only in Knoxville but throughout the country,

various churches prayed for my recovery, visited the hospital, and cared for

my family in a way that can never be repaid. I am absolutely humbled when

I think of the numbers of people that directly impacted my family during

this time.

To my colleagues who visited me with regularity during my hospital

stay (to the extent that the nurses began wondering about me because so

many pastors stopped in): your care and concern for my well-being means

the world to me. Skip Hansen and Sue Shaw, who took special interest

in my condition and updated other churches around the state and the

nation: thanks.

And to my family: God only knows how this impacted your lives and

the internal struggles that you have been faced with from day to day. My



Living the Life of a Miracle

iv

parents and brothers drove several hundred miles to be with someone who

would only vaguely remember it later; I cannot say enough what it means

to me that you were there when I needed you. My children never stoppedbelieving that God would not take their Daddy away from them; they chal-

lenged me to keep trying even when it was hard. Even now, my children

constantly remind me to stop what I am doing, to slow down; they can see

when I am physically tired.

And to my wife, Laura, who never stopped loving me, even though

there were days when I was very unlovable. Throughout the depression, the

mood problems, the physical limitations, and the emotional volatility, shewas always there when I needed her. Without her help and support I do not

believe I would have been able to do what I did.

There has never been a moment when she visibly lost her faith in a

loving God; even if things did not work out the way she wanted, she always

trusted God. I love you and appreciate you more than you know.

But most of all, I want to dedicate this work to my Lord and Savior

Jesus Christ, without whom this book would be unnecessary. Not only wasI able to survive a surgery and overcome overwhelming odds, but I was able

to overcome the most debilitating illness of all: the separation from God

that I triumphed over simply by trusting in Jesus Christ and putting all my

faith in Him and believing that He is all-sufficient for me and for my needs.

I am grateful for my life that was spared; but I am eternally grateful for the

salvation that has been offered through His shed blood.



Contents

Dedication _____________________________________________ iii

Contents________________________________________________v

Foreword ______________________________________________vii

Preace ________________________________________________ ix

PART I: This is Me _______________________________________13

CHAPTER 1: A little background _________________________15

CHAPTER 2: An interesting series o events ________________21

CHAPTER 3: A surprising change ________________________25

CHAPTER 4: Uh oh ___________________________________29

CHAPTER 5: A miraculous recovery ______________________35CHAPTER 6: Some things to ponder ______________________39

PART II: What is it Like? ___________________________________57

CHAPTER 7: I’m sorry, this can’t really be happening ________59

CHAPTER 8: Starting to adjust to my new lie ______________73

CHAPTER 9: A minor setback ___________________________79

Chapter 10: Moving on ________________________________85

CHAPTER 11: My new lie _____________________________91

APPENDIX 1: Doctor notes _________________________________99

APPENDIX 2: The diagnoses rom various doctor visits __________ 103

APPENDIX 3: “I am in the middle o a crisis, what now?” _________105

APPENDIX 4: Laura’s thoughts ____________________________107

APPENDIX 5: Requests or prayers _________________________115





James Mead

vii

Foreword

“There is no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities for

God to do something. It depends on how you look at it.” If I had adime for every time I have sat with someone swimming in the depths of

defeat, overcome by fathoms of despair, and treading in what seems to be

the last few seconds of their very breath—I would be a very rich man. And

yet, the difference at these times between great gain and great loss is not

what happens physically. The greatest indicator sometimes on the telling

dial of our life is what we carry away from these tough times. Life hits ev-

eryone hard sooner or later. The question is, “Will I go to God and tell himhow big my problems are?” Or, “Will I look at my problems and tell them

how BIG my God is?” Jim and his family have chosen the latter.

Be prepared to walk through the real life processes of a family struck

by an unexpected blow at a seemingly “out of season” time. But then again,

that’s when hardships always strike. Their timing usually makes no sense.

Yet, delivered through the permissive hands of One much wiser, our greatest

pains can become our greatest triumphs. Someone said, “God never wastes a

hurt if we’ll let Him write His story with it.” Someone else said, “God never

uses a man greatly until he hurts him deeply.” God, in His wisdom, has done

His part and now Jim is having the privilege of living out his.

As you read this storyline, try to put yourself in their shoes. Learn

what you can from their struggles, their challenges, and their laughter and

tears. For in the end, we will all write our own story. I trust God will use

their example to help us all be better penmen.

Sincerely,

Pastor Rick Groover





James Mead

ix

Preface

U nfortunately, the word “miracle” is thrown around very loosely: it was a

miracle that the New York Giants won the Super Bowl in 2008, it wasa miracle the University of Northern Iowa beat Kansas University during

March Madness in 2010, and it was a miracle that the Texas Rangers beat

the New York Yankees in the American League Championship Series in

2010. When the American hockey team defeated the Soviet hockey team

in the 1980 Winter Olympics, it was called the “Miracle on Ice.” Miracles,

apparently, happen on a daily basis in insignificant arenas; so, when some-

one experiences a bona fide touch from God, it is no wonder that the word“miracle” seems shallow.

However, I believe that I experienced a true miracle from God. On

December 8, 2008, I suffered a massive stroke. Surgery was not performed

until December 10, some forty hours after my initial stroke, revealing severe

damage to my cerebellum and brain stem. I underwent a decompressive cer-

ebellar evacuation and craniotomy; the MRI after the surgery revealed that

a large portion of my cerebellum had been removed and two strokes were

visible in my brain stem.

When I suffered my stroke in December 2008, there was little hope

given for any recovery. According to the surgeon, there was a small chance

of surviving the surgery; if I survived the surgery, less than a thirty per-

cent chance existed of waking up, and a zero percent chance of experienc-

ing a meaningful recovery. Dr. Piper, the neurosurgeon who performed my

surgery, told my family that surgery was merely an attempt to save my life;

it would not reverse the impact of the stroke.

They were told to anticipate a long recovery involving no less than

one year of inpatient physical therapy and rehabilitation just to relearn how




x

to walk; and they were given the prognosis that I could be in outpatient

physical therapy and rehabilitation for up to two years as I tried to learn

to walk normally. The neurologist suggested that I may never walk again,never feed myself, never communicate. In short, I might live life like an

infant—able to take in information and process the information, but not able

to use the information or to communicate my needs. In other words, it was

a dark, hopeless prognosis.

When I was asked what I believed about my future, I simply responded

that it did not matter what happened to me: God was still good. Regardless

of whether I ever regained the ability to write or walk, my circumstancesdid not impact God’s good nature. He was still good, even if my outlook was

bleak. With that in mind, I began physical therapy on December 29, 2008.

What followed was nothing short of miraculous; after a mere three days of

inpatient physical therapy, I was released from the hospital. I required no

outpatient physical therapy, and less than one month after my stroke, I was

back at work.

What is contained in the pages of this book is a chronicle of my life

prior to my stroke, the stroke and subsequent surgery, and a snippet of my

blog over the last few years. My prayer is that you will be enlightened, a

little more, to the mysterious ways in which God works in our lives, and get

a snapshot into the mind of a stroke survivor.



Living the Lifeof a Miracle

Finding God’s grace

during a deep trial





PART I

This Is Me





When I sat down to write this book about one event in my life, I realized

it was necessary, though hard, to give some background and some

of the circumstances that led up to my crisis. Why was this situation such

a shock? The miracle of life is the center of attention; but many times the

history is forgotten.

As I look at my history, there is nothing that would point to an im-

pending stroke: I was not physically abused, I was not overweight, I did

not have out-of-control blood pressure, my cholesterol was well within safe

limits, and I was very healthy. I had spent five years in the army doing

physical training every day—push-ups, sit-ups, running two to five miles,

and doing physical fitness training. Really, I had always been an exercise

nut. When I was a kid my parents always knew where to look for me: I was

usually at the playground at my school playing basketball. More recently,

I had spent most of my mornings at the local recreation center playing

basketball, lifting weights, and running on the treadmill. That is not to say

CHAPTER 1

A little background

“History must be written of, by and for the survivors.”

ANONYMOUS




16

that I was the poster-boy for good nutrition, but I

was not unhealthy. I had done everything possible

to stay in good shape.Let me back up a little bit to give a more com-

plete picture of where I was and the reason this

event was such a shock to so many people. My dad

had been a pastor from the time I was eight years

old; I did not spend my childhood moving around

like some people do. We had only lived in two places (that I can remember):

we lived in Montevideo, Minnesota, where my dad was involved in evange-lism and led music for Calvary Baptist Church, and then, in 1979 when I

was eight years old, we moved to Gering, Nebraska, where my dad served

as the pastor of Gering Baptist Church. I can remember going to Gering

Valley Country School, McKinley Elementary, Gering Junior High School,

and then graduating from Gering High School in 1989. It was, really, a very

stable and enjoyable life.

I have three brothers, all of who did their best to make sure I remem-

bered that I was the youngest. (At one point my dad just stopped fixing the

holes from where we would wrestle and bust through the wall.) When we

gather for holidays or family reunions now, well, it is just a brotherly love-

fest, but I thought for a long time that they thought of me more as a bother

than as a brother. Other than that, I really had, for all intents and pur-

poses, a relatively boring upbringing. There were Christmas plays, church

choir concerts, speech team contests, and high school musicals; I worked

at Schwann’s, Country Kitchen, and Bonanza (and for a little while at the

Platte Valley Truck Wash cleaning out cattle trailers…THAT was a dirty

job); but there was nothing that really stood out about my early life. I was,

basically, a loner. I had some good friends and I had a good time in high

school, but I did not do anything that would leave an impression on future

generations.

In 1989, after I graduated from high school, I entered the army and

was trained as a Russian linguist and signals intelligence analyst. I had donebasic training at Fort Dix, New Jersey, and then spent the next forty-seven

weeks immersed in Russian culture at the Defense Language Institute in

“That is not to

say that I was

the poster-boy orgood nutrition,

but I was not

unhealthy.”



James Mead

17

Monterey, California; I learned the language, I studied the habits of the

Russian people, and I learned as much as I could about their military. (At

one point I spoke Russian so well that a new instructor who heard me talk-ing mistook me for another instructor.) After language school I went to the

Goodfellow Air Force Base in San Angelo, Texas, to study to be a signals

intelligence analyst. I arrived in Texas in August of 1990 and graduated in

April of 1991.

In 1991, while I was in the military between assignments, I married

my high school sweetheart. I met Laura when I was in 9th grade; we began

dating when I was a junior in high school and married four years later whenshe was a senior in high school and I was on

my way to Germany in the military. We had

planned our wedding date for October 1992

(eighteen months after Laura’s graduation); but

things took an interesting twist. I was originally

scheduled to graduate from intelligence school

on February 7, 1991, with my first duty station

at Fort Drum, New York; that would keep me

close enough to Laura to allow a 1992 wedding.

However, I was medically unable to continue with my training class (they

thought I was having some problem with my appendix so they had me sit

out class in case it happened to flare up; it never did, but I was still unable

to complete school with my original class) and I actually graduated on April

4, 1991. By then I had new orders, orders sending me to Augsburg, Ger-

many. So, we had a decision to make: we could get married before I left for

Germany, or we could wait until I returned in 1993. (I have told people that

Laura begged me to marry her before I left because she could not stand the

separation; truthfully it was the other way around.) So, on March 13, 1991,

we planned the marriage for a month later. We had been married for exactly

six days when I left on April 19 for my duty station in Augsburg; Laura

did not arrive until June 26, after she had graduated high school and I had

secured a place to live in Germany.On June 30, 1992, my son was born in Germany. (That is a story in

itself, but suffice it to say that he was born on German soil, in a German

“In 1991, while

I was in the

military between

assignments, I

married my high

school sweetheart.”




18

hospital, because the military hospital had closed. Therefore he is a German

citizen and an American citizen…I know, it is pretty stupid since I was in

the military, but, oh well.) My wife was struggling with preeclampsia, soBrendan was born five weeks premature via Cesarean section and had to

be in the hospital for several days after birth. Due to his early birth and

other factors, his lungs were not very strong and he struggled with asthma

for the first few years of his life. As a result of those health problems, and

there being no military hospital in Germany, my young family went back,

in December 1992, to Gering, Nebraska, to live with my parents and to be

nearer military hospitals. It was not until April 1993 that I was granted acompassionate reassignment to Fort Carson, Colorado.

In April 1993, we moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado, where I

served at Fort Carson. Although I had done my training in strategic intel-

ligence, I was placed in a field unit as a field intelligence analyst with the 2nd

battalion, 12th infantry regiment S-2. Though I was never in a combat zone,

I served during a stressful time in our country. I was in Texas when Opera-

tion Desert Storm began (and ended); I was in Germany when the Soviet

Union began its breakup; and I was witness to the fighting in the Balkans,

the war in Yugoslavia, and the strife in the Czech Republic. I guess it is more

than a coincidence, then, that I was flagged for high blood pressure several

times during my service in the military. However, even though it was a little

elevated, it was not out of control.

I started my ministry life at First Baptist Church of Peaceful Valley in

April 1993, while still in the army. I worked with the pastor, led the youth

group, worked with the choir, preached when the pastor was gone; pretty

much anything I could do to gain as much experience as possible. I ended

my enlistment in 1994 and had considered buying a home, starting a new

church, and settling in Colorado Springs, but in April 1995, we felt the Lord

calling us to leave our home in Colorado to enroll in Bible College at Trinity

Baptist College in Jacksonville, Florida.

We really enjoyed our time in Florida; Bible College was hard and I

had to attend college full time as well as work nearly full time (though it

was part time I was expected to work until the job was done—sometimes

six or seven hours a day at UPS). But, I was afforded the opportunity to see



James Mead

19

poverty first hand as I worked in the bus minis-

try and at the Trinity Rescue Mission, a place

for the homeless to find temporary shelter, ininner-city Jacksonville. It was very difficult, but

a valuable experience in ministry.

It was during this time that my oldest

daughter was born. Once again, my wife had

struggled with preeclampsia and had found

herself in the hospital. This time, however, the

condition worsened and Shaylee was born twoand one-half months premature and also had

to be born by Cesarean section. After her birth,

Shaylee had to spend twenty-five days in the hospital. She, too, struggled

with asthma as a result of her early birth. (No one would guess it today,

though; she is active in softball, volleyball, band, and other school activities.)

During that time, however, I was able to continue my ministry life; I

was asked to be associate pastor of Central Baptist Church in Orange Park,

Florida. I really learned a lot during those early times of service and can

trace my current life experiences all the way back to that little church in

Orange Park. That experience led to a life-changing moment for me; I had

been in ministry part time as well as working part time at UPS. While I was

gaining experience at Central Baptist Church, God was preparing me to

begin serving the church full time.

I graduated from Trinity Baptist College with a BA in church min-

istries in May 1999, and later that month was contacted by Grace Baptist

Church in Zachary, Louisiana, to consider coming to their church as a full-

time minister of youth, music, and education. My family and I visited the

church in Louisiana and decided, after much prayer and discussion, that if

the church wanted us to come, we would be willing to move to Zachary.

This, again, would prove to be a life-changing experience for me.

After two pregnancies that had ended with preeclampsia and Cesarean

sections, it was only natural to be a little nervous about future pregnan-cies; but in July of 2000, my wife announced that she was, again, expecting.

Madelyn was born March 8, 2001 by, you guessed it, Cesarean section. This

“We really

enjoyed our time

in Florida…I was aorded the

opportunity to see

poverty frst hand

as I worked in the

bus ministry and at

the Trinity Rescue

Mission.”




20

time, though, my wife did not struggle with pre-

eclampsia and Madelyn was our first full-term child.

This proved to be a pivotal time in our life because,although Laura did not struggle with preeclampsia

and Madelyn was not born premature, we had talked

things over with our doctors and had come to the

conclusion that Madelyn would need to be our “ca-

boose.” Our family complete, we began to change our focus to long-term

plans. With that in mind, I began contemplating the possibility of changing

my focus from associate pastor to senior pastor of a church. More stabilityand more reliability.

Although we loved the Christian school and the work with the youth

in Louisiana, in June 2002, we again moved, this time to Iowa. I had ac-

cepted the position of senior pastor at First Baptist Church in Stratford,

Iowa. Stratford is a very little town that has, as its own moniker, “a tiny little

village.” However, we found that this tiny little village had great possibilities

for ministry and we did our best to find those possibilities. I truly believed

that I would retire from this church; my family loved the area, the people of

the town (I mean village) were great, and the church was friendly and very

receptive to the idea of new ministries. We had seen so many great things

happen in this small community of 700 or so. We were able to witness the

growth of that church from an average Sunday attendance of about 65 to

about 150 in less than 5 years; we saw a Wednesday night program go from

a dream to a reality, ministering to over 60 children each week; and we saw

the church expand its outreach by hiring a youth pastor. These were very

exciting times in our family, in our church, and in our faith. But, as often

happens in life, things would take an unexpected course.

“Our amily

complete, we

began to changeour ocus to long-

term plans.”



CHAPTER 2

An interesting series of events

So, we found ourselves in Stratford, Iowa, a quaint little village with a rich

history and strong family ties. We absolutely loved our life there. Living

as a pastor in small-town Iowa carries with it the connotation of being

a community leader. (In 2003 I was told I received the largest number of

write-in votes for mayor in Stratford; though I never agreed to be a candi-

date, did not campaign, and did not actively seek any public position, people

voted for me anyway.)

Though life was good, things would take

an interesting twist in 2005. As difficult as the

situation would be, we would later learn that it ap-

peared to be in the Lord’s plan, but that did not

make it any easier to endure. On November 12,

2005, Stratford experienced something that would

forever change the landscape of the village, and

would forever change the landscape of our lives.

“I am so glad that nothing in our lives ever takes God by surprise.”

DR. GENE WOODS

“On November 12,

2005, Stratord

experienced

something that would

orever change thelandscape o

our lives.”




22

It was just a normal Saturday; we ran into town (over a thirty-mile

drive), spent the day in some of the stores in Fort Dodge, and returned in

the early afternoon. We noticed that the temperature was very warm for No-vember, and there were storm clouds in the distance. It did not appear to be

anything out of the ordinary, so, we ignored it. When we arrived home, we

did our normal activities: we unloaded our groceries, we checked our phone

messages, and we had our son take the dog outside. He came inside and told

us that Carly (our dog) was acting a little strange. We did what any sensible

parent would do: we said that Brendan was imagining things and he should

take the dog outside until she “did her business.”After that, things began to happen very quickly; we saw on the news

that we were under a tornado watch (in November, sure, we ignored it). But

we agreed that our younger kids should go to the basement. We continued

watching the weather reports and decided, at some point, we, too, needed to

go to the basement to ride out the storm. My wife

and I had to go upstairs because the Schwann’s

salesman was at our door; we invited him to wait

inside until the storm passed, but he said that he

had one more stop to make just up the road and

he would stay at that house. Then we noticed

something strange: the leaves were moving in one

direction, but they were not blowing around on the

ground; they were several feet in the air! So we

hurried to the basement again and waited for what

we knew was coming. When I looked out one of

the windows, I remember telling my wife, “Come

look at this.” A tornado was passing less than one

hundred feet from our house. We were able to see it pass through the city

park and continue on its path.

When the house stopped shaking, we looked out our window and

saw what can only be described as total destruction: our neighbor’s house

was completely destroyed, there were several trees on top of our friends’house across the street, the tornado had torn the roofs off of several homes

around us, and one lady had lost her life. Several people in our church had

“A tornado was

passing less thanone hundred eet

rom our house.

We were able

to see it pass

through the city

park and continue

on its path.”



James Mead

23

experienced severe damage to their homes and lives. Visiting missionaries

had windows completely blown out in their van, and most of their belong-

ings were destroyed. In short, it was a complete disaster area; yet our housewas completely intact and nearly untouched. (There were a few shingles that

needed to be replaced, but that was all!)

The church spent the next few weeks cleaning up property and help-

ing friends rebuild and restart lives. Other churches, charitable groups, and

mission agencies gathered from all over the state of Iowa to assist the re-

building projects. The devastation caused by the tornado really made my

family wonder if, perhaps, we should look into some life insurance. Twoweeks later, we would make up our minds for certain.

We had spent the Thanksgiving holiday with

my parents and family in western Nebraska. We had

been home for a few days and were wavering between

leaving Saturday or Sunday. If we stayed for Sunday

morning, we would want to spend the morning in

church, reconnecting with old friends and enjoying

the quiet time; after our experience just a few weeks

before, we felt a little peace and quiet was badly

needed.

We decided to watch the news to see if bad weather was predicted for

either Saturday or Sunday; that would be a deciding factor in our decision.

The latest weather reports indicated that there was a chance of rain on

Sunday and it would be spotty, but it would be relatively warm. Because no

bad weather was predicted, we decided to stay for church on Sunday and

then leave after church.

We had pretty good roads and fair conditions for the first one hun-

dred miles or so of the trip; but when we neared North Platte, Nebraska,

the snow started to fly. At first, there were just flurries, so we pressed on,

hoping to make it to Kearney, where we could spend the night. As we left

North Platte, the snow began to intensify. It continued to worsen and at

some point, we were experiencing blizzard, white-out conditions. Trafficon Interstate 80 was reduced to ten to fifteen mph. At one point, we were

following a semi-truck and could not see his tail-lights…from less than ten

“Ater our

experience just

a ew weeks

beore, we elt a

little peace and

quiet was badlyneeded.”




24

feet! So, we were forced to leave the interstate and found ourselves in Cozad,

Nebraska. (I have often joked, since then, that in the dictionary, under “no-

where,” it displays a picture of the Cozad water tower.)For the next few days and nights we were huddled with a few hundred

other travelers in an emergency shelter at the United Methodist Church in

Cozad. How in the world the weather went from “a chance of spotty show-

ers and warm temperatures” to one of the worst November blizzards in the

last forty years in that part of Nebraska, I will never know. But that was the

case, and we again found ourselves in less-than-desirable circumstances. We

were known as the emergency family: we survived a tornado on November12, and then we found ourselves in an emergency shelter during a blizzard

on November 27.

Needless to say, when we got back to Strat-

ford, we set up some appointments with our insur-

ance agent to arrange to get life insurance. What we

did not know then was that I would have a stroke

three years later, rendering me uninsurable; so even

though the tornado and the blizzard were bad situa-

tions, they actually wound up being used for good!

“What we did

not know then

was that I would

have a stroke

three years later,

rendering me

uninsurable.”



CHAPTER 3

A surprising change

April 29, 2007

Dear First Baptist Church family:

Many times in our lives God allows situations to begin preparing us for a change

in ministry. Such was the case in July of 2001 when I received a call from Berean

Bible Church of Fort Scott, Kansas, asking if I would consider coming to can-

didate to be their pastor. Though I ultimately turned down their offer, it began

preparing me to receive a call in October of 2001 from Tim Anderlik asking if I

would consider moving my family from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to this place called

Stratford, Iowa, to assume the senior pastorate of First Baptist Church. We all

know how that turned out.

My time at First Baptist is cherished. We have many successes. There have

been many souls that have come to Christ and expressed their faith through baptism.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all

men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

JAMES 1:5




26

The AWANA program is a beacon of Christ’s love to children throughout this area.

Prayer and Bible study is a mainstay of this ministry because God is its guiding

force. I believe that First Baptist’s best days remain ahead of her, as God’s people remain faithful to their calling.

My family and I have a wonderful life in Stratford; but in June of 2006, the

Lord began again to prepare my heart for a transition in ministry. With the first

contact from Trinity Baptist Church of Santa Barbara, California, and over the

past ten months, several opportunities have presented themselves, and yet, the peace

of God was not present in my heart with any of them. I ultimately ended conversa-

tions with each church that had contacted me.However, in December of 2006, I received a letter from New Covenant

Church in Knoxville, Iowa, asking me to consider a transition in ministry. When

this opportunity presented itself, I struggled with a range of emotions; yet, I found

peace within my heart. I received this counsel from my dad, who has faced this kind

of decision many times. He said, “Jim, you cannot allow your emotions to make this

decision for you. You have to make this decision based upon what you believe the

Lord is leading you to do, and then trust that it is right.” So, I am following God’s

leading, even though it is not an easy transition to make.

I wish I could convey to you the difficulty my family has had in making this

decision. I appreciate this church for the love they have demonstrated and the support

they have given these past five years. Please know that I had not been in an active

search process; rather, circumstances presented themselves in a way that indicated

that our Lord may be preparing my family for a ministry elsewhere. The reason

for pursuing this possibility was motivated by a desire to follow God’s leading, even

if that leading may result in a change for my family; it would not be motivated by

anything that the members of this church did or failed to do.

And so, it is with a heavy heart that I announce my resignation as senior

pastor of this great church to assume the senior pastorate of New Covenant Church

in Knoxville. I will assume the pastorate at New Covenant on July 1 of this year.

My last service here will be June 10, allowing my family two weeks to move and get

established in our new home before we begin serving there.

We have had a great journey with you as we have served the Lord together for the last five years. I want you to remember that we made this journey together; I did

not build this church, we built it together as the Lord has led. Never lose faith, never



James Mead

27

forget His leading in the past, and never abandon the desire to do more than ever

before. God’s timing is always perfect, His ways are always perfect, and His leading

is always perfect. Psalm 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Trust God, not just to illuminate your steps, but to illuminate

the path. Together with your new pastor, you will continue to build this church as

you continue your journey of faith. My prayer is that the Lord will allow me to

experience the same types of ministry successes in Knoxville that I have experienced

in Stratford.

Let me close by relaying to you the sentiments of the Search Committee at

New Covenant. After our meeting there, the chairman of the committee said to me,“Though we are excited about the prospect of you coming here, at the same time we

feel sorry for your church in Stratford. We have just completed the process they are

going to begin and we will be praying with them and for them as they begin their

search process.”

Please know that this church will always hold a special place in our hearts.

You have become very dear to us, and we will always consider you as part of our

family. May the peace of God guide you as you now begin this new phase of your

faith journey.

With that, our family made a change; we

followed the Lord on a new adventure as we began

a ministry in Knoxville, Iowa. It was different; we

were used to life in a village and now had to adjust

to life in a bigger town. Knoxville is, by no means,

a metropolis, but it is larger than Stratford. Some

say that the population of Knoxville is 8,000;

others say that it is closer to 10,000. Either way, it is significantly larger

than 700!

I cannot say that we, as a family or as a church, fully understood the

reasons for moving to Knoxville; I was not moving closer to my family, I

was not moving closer to my wife’s family, and the church in Knoxville was

not much larger than the church in Stratford. (In fact, per capita, it was sig-nificantly smaller…) To make a long story short, it did not make sense. As I

said earlier, I felt as though I could have retired from First Baptist Church;

“We ollowed the

Lord on a new

adventure as we

began a ministry in

Knoxville, Iowa.”




28

they loved us, we loved them, and we really loved the town. But, when God

begins doing a work in your heart, you follow, even if it does not make sense.

In Knoxville we began enjoying a full life: Brendan was doing verywell in school (he was active in band, jazz band, choir, chamber choir, and

the school musical), Shaylee and Madelyn were both en-

joying school and were both involved each summer in

softball. We were preparing to introduce new events to

the church: a Family Fun Night at the recreation center

during the winter, a church camping weekend and service

in the park in the summer, and a Fall Festival, completewith chili cook-off, pumpkin decorating, and bonfire in autumn. Life was,

really, very good for our family.

“Lie was,

really, very

good or our

amily.”



CHAPTER 4

Uh oh

During the next chapter of my life, the timetable begins to get fuzzy for

me and I have to rely on what I have been told by others. The events

of the next few weeks would change the course of my life and the lives of

everyone in my family and the churches I have served.

I can remember the date: December 8, 2008. It was my day off, so I

spent the day just goofing around; I think I played the Wii for awhile, I took

my wife to lunch, and I went to get a massage…stuff I would do on any

other day off. When I went to my wife’s workplace later in the day, I told

her that my muscles were really aching, almost like I had the flu; perhaps, I

surmised, the massage had really gone deep into my muscles, making me a

little sore. We just chalked it up to stress, a cold, and general sleepiness.

That day was my dad’s birthday, as well, so I called him that evening

to wish him a happy birthday. He was not home, so I talked to my brother,

Dennis, for some time. I remember telling him that I did not feel too hot and

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength

is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory

in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 CORINTHIANS 12:9




30

that I was just going to go home and go right to bed. I asked him if he would

wish our dad a happy birthday for me, in case I could not get in touch with

him later.I don’t remember coming home and I don’t remember going into my

bedroom to lie down. A few hours later (it could have been a few minutes

later, I am not really sure), my wife says she came in to have me remove my

contacts before I was too far gone. When I got up to go into our bathroom,

she noticed that I stumbled a few times, so she asked me what was going on.

She says I told her that I must just be tired.

I woke up at 4 a.m. on December 9 with a throbbing headache, prob-ably the worst headache that I can remember. (I had been suffering with

severe headaches for the last several weeks, so

I was not alarmed; I know now that those were

some of the signs of an impending stroke. Glad

I know it now…) I remember feeling as though

the room was spinning. I told my wife that it

seemed to get a little better if I closed my eyes,

but the sensation didn’t go away completely.

I really did not feel that I needed to go to the

emergency room; but I called the 24-hour nurse

to ask what she would recommend. After I talked with her for awhile, she

told me to go to our local hospital, just in case something was really wrong.

When I got out of bed, things really went from bad to worse. I could

not keep my balance because of the spinning sensation; I was nauseous,

I could not seem to make my legs work to walk, and I started vomiting.

Finally my wife alerted our son (who was sixteen at the time) to help her

get me to the car and to watch his sisters while we went to the hospital. We

successfully made it to the car and drove to the local ER, which was just

across the street from our house.

I struggled, but with my wife’s help I made it into the ER and they

took me to one of the trauma rooms to wait for the on-call doctor. We were

experiencing a pretty severe ice storm, so the doctor was delayed a shorttime in getting to the hospital. In the mean time, I was given some medicine

for pain and blood pressure and slept until the doctor arrived.

“I woke up at 4 a.m.

on December 9 with a

throbbing headache,

probably the worst

headache that I canremember.”



James Mead

31

At some point (I really do not know

what time) it was suggested that a spinal

tap be performed to rule out spinal menin-gitis. A CT scan had not revealed any obvi-

ous swelling in my brain; but the spinal tap

would decide if they needed to be worried

about a worsening condition. The spinal

tap did not show any meningitis, so the

mystery continued: why would a thirty-

eight-year-old man with no obvious swelling and no sign of meningitisbe so lethargic and complain of severe headaches and dizziness?

Because I did not have private insurance but was going to the VA

hospital for care, I was transferred to the VA Central Iowa Health Care

Hospital in Des Moines, and they, too, were baffled by my situation. My

blood pressure was elevated, so it was suggested that perhaps I was suf-

fering from some intestinal disorder and hypertensive hydrocephaly. My

wife was told that perhaps I would be able to go home on Wednesday,

after my blood pressure was under control and they were able to address

my dizziness.

I had been relatively alert (or so they tell me) to this point, talking

with visitors and communicating with nurses (although I do not remem-

ber having any conversations); but Tuesday night I began to sink deeper

into lethargy. Dr. Kumar, the attending physician at the VA hospital, sug-

gested that I might be lethargic due to heavy amounts of medicine and

painkillers, so he ordered a complete stop to the medicine to make sure

my state was not due to the drugs.

Wednesday morning, I was even more lethargic and sinking deeper

into an unresponsive state. The doctors tried several different tests and

medicines to attempt to diagnose my problem, but the mystery continued.

It was roughly noon when Dr. Benjamin, one of the VA neurologists, was

making rounds and was told by a nurse to pop into my room; I was not

responding to any medicine and my condition had the other staff baffled.Dr. Benjamin came to my bedside, noticed that I was in a semi-fetal

position and that I was unresponsive to any stimuli. She opened my eye-

“Why would a thirty-

eight-year-old man with

no obvious swelling andno sign o meningitis be

so lethargic and complain

o severe headaches

and dizziness?”




32

lids, examined my eye movements, and said, “Uh oh.”

(My wife told me later that she had a definite sinking

feeling; you never want to hear a doctor say “uh oh”when they look at you.) Dr. Benjamin ordered an im-

mediate CT scan. She was told that I was scheduled

for an MRI at 3:45 p.m. at another local hospital. Her

response was simple: he does not have until 3:45, he needs to go now.

A CT scan was done within the next few minutes and an MRI was

scheduled to follow shortly; Dr. Benjamin had seen the results of the CT

scan and asked my wife to join her in her office. While in the elevator, Dr.Benjamin asked my wife if I had suffered any trauma to the back of my

head recently. She said that she did not need to see the results of the MRI

to know what was happening: I was actively stroking in my cerebellum and

brain stem and would need surgery immediately to relieve the pressure in

my brain. I was having a bilateral cerebellar infarction, and the swelling had

caused at least two strokes in my brain stem.

The cerebellum is a region of the brain that plays an important role

in motor control. It is also involved in some cognitive functions such as

attention and language, and probably in some emotional functions such

as regulating fear and pleasure responses. Its movement-related functions

are the most clearly understood, however. The cerebellum does not initi-

ate movement, but it contributes to coordination, precision, and accurate

timing. It receives input from sensory systems and from other parts of the

brain and spinal cord, and integrates these inputs to fine-tune motor activ-

ity. Because of this fine-tuning function, damage to the cerebellum does

not cause paralysis, but instead produces disorders in fine movement, equi-

librium, posture, and motor learning. If I slipped into a coma, there would

be no chance for survival. The next, obvious question in Laura’s mind was

this: is there any hope? Dr. Benjamin suggested that, if I slipped into a coma

there would be nothing they could do, but they could do a procedure before

I became comatose that would, hopefully, relieve the swelling in my brain.

Normally neurology patients would be sent to Iowa City for surgery; butLaura was told that I would not survive the two-hour trip, so the surgery

would have to be performed at one of the local hospitals!

“She opened

my eyelids,

examined my eyemovements, and

said, ‘Uh oh.’”



James Mead

33

Dr. Benjamin asked if Laura would like her to contact her mom or dad;

she was horrified when Laura told her that her mom had passed away only a

month before. So the doctor contacted my parents to inform them that theirson was very ill and they needed to come as soon as possible. When asked

how serious it was, she simply told my parents that if they wanted to see

their son alive, they needed to leave immediately. I guess you could say that

things were pretty bad.

Within the hour, my parents left their home in Gering, Nebraska, to

make the ten-hour trip to Knoxville, Iowa. As they were traveling to the

hospital, the congregation from my church, as the news spread of my con-dition, began to assemble at Iowa Methodist Hospital. At one point, there

were no less than sixty-five people gathered in the waiting room to hear any

news about my condition. The news from the surgeon was not what they

wanted to hear.

Things had very rapidly gone downhill for me; the MRI revealed

severe swelling in my brain, causing compression of the brain stem result-

ing in several brain-stem strokes. The vertebral artery had dissected (in

other words, the artery had ruptured), resulting in a clot that impeded the

flow of blood to the right side of my cerebellum, while the diminished blood

flow from the dissected artery deprived the left side of my cerebellum of

oxygen. Those two factors led the doctors to predict a very bleak future.

My children were excused from school and escorted to the hospital by

Laura’s co-worker; my immediate family and my church family were huddled

together in the surgery waiting room of Iowa Methodist Hospital, wait-

ing for the doctor to give them some news about my prognosis. Just before

surgery began, my children and my wife were accompanied by a nurse into

a trauma room where I was being prepared for surgery. They were given

the opportunity to spend a few minutes with me before the emergency cra-

niotomy and cerebellar evacuation; a final few moments with their husband

and dad to say their goodbyes.

When Dr. Piper spoke to my family, he cautioned them about expect-

ing too much; surgery, he explained, was nothing more than an attemptto save my life. It would not reverse the impact of the stroke. If, he stated

flatly, I was unfortunate enough to live, I would be facing a life confined




34

to a wheelchair or hospital bed. I would be facing the

future existence of an infant: capable of absorbing in-

formation and processing it, but incapable of any typeof communication. I would never feed myself, never be

able to walk normally, never speak normally; in essence,

I would be totally different from the man that existed

before December 7! But, if Laura wanted him to pro-

ceed with the surgery, he would; if not, I would be gone in a matter of

hours.

“Surgery…

was nothing

more than anattempt to save

my lie.”



CHAPTER 5

A miraculous recovery

My family was told that I would probably be facing no less than one year

of inpatient physical therapy; after nearly seventy-five percent of my

cerebellum had been removed, walking was absolutely out of the question

in the immediate future. I was transferred to the VA Central Iowa Health

Care Hospital in Knoxville, Iowa, on December 23, 2008, for rehabilitation

and therapy. I spent several days adjusting

to the new environment as the therapist

made some initial observations concerning

my long-term outlook for therapy.

I started therapy after an evaluation on

December 26, 2008, with an understanding

that I would be facing at least one year of in-

patient rehabilitation. Those were very hard

days for me. I can remember struggling to

write my name; I struggled to walk just a few

“There is no such thing as a problem. There are only

opportunities for God to do something.”

PASTOR RICK GROOVER

“I started therapy

ater an evaluation on

December 26, 2008,

with an understanding

that I would be

acing at least one year o inpatient

rehabilitation.”




36

feet; it was hard to transfer myself from my bed to the wheelchair. When I

tried to walk, it was as if my legs were not responding to the promptings of

my brain; they just would not cooperate. I distinctly remember my first mealin the Knoxville Rehabilitation Center; I was wheeled into the dining hall and

offered a bib. I remember thinking, “I don’t need that; that is for people who

are really sick.” So, I refused and went to my meal without it. On the tray was

a scrumptious meal of pureed HOT DOG. (By the way, if you have never had

a meal of pureed hot dog, you just have not lived!) I lifted my plastic spoon to

my mouth, and watched with horror as the entire spoonful of hot dog ended

up in my lap; sure enough, I could not feed myself without help. It was atough existence.

Needless to say, the road ahead of me looked bleak; I did not even have

the strength to walk around the physical therapy room. It was a struggle

for me just to stand for a few minutes. I was tested for my dexterity and

found that I had basically none. My speech was slurred, my thoughts were

scattered, and my muscles were weak. In short, I was a mess!

I can still remember my first day of real physical therapy. It was De-

cember 29 and Liz, my physical therapist, had me try to walk on a treadmill.

After a few minutes (or seconds, I am not sure), she

asked me if I wanted to rest. I told her that I had

twenty-three hours to rest; I was only given one

hour of physical therapy a day and I was going to

use every minute of it. By the end of the first day of

sessions (physical therapy, occupational therapy, and

kinesiotherapy), I was able to stand, walk, and talk

more clearly. The second day, I was upgraded from

a wheelchair to a walker; a small step but quite an

accomplishment for me! I spent the majority of my time in therapy trying

to strengthen my muscles and gain more coordination.

By the end of my therapy on December 30, I was given the green

light to go from a walker to a cane. When I was cleared to try walking the

halls, I was nearly unstoppable; it felt so good to walk…even if I did notknow where I was going, I was going to keep walking! On December 31,

I did most of my occupational therapy standing up to strengthen my legs

“I was only given

one hour o

physical therapy

a day and I was

going to use everyminute o it.”



James Mead

37

and I worked on getting in and out of bed, cooking oatmeal, and mastering

getting into the shower. I could, quite literally, feel myself getting stronger.

Later on December 31, I had a meeting to discuss my progress and it wasdecided that I had made significant improvement and could go home on

pass…after only three days of therapy.

On January 1, 2009, I came home for four days on pass and was done

with therapy! I was officially discharged from the rehabilitation hospital on

January 6, and returned to work on January 7 (less than one month after

my stroke). I returned to full-time work as a pastor, including preaching

during the Sunday morning service, on January 25; it had only been one andone-half months since the emergency brain surgery that should have left

me incapable of any movement.

Since my recovery, I have had several follow-up appointments with

the neurology team. All of the doctors have had the exact same sentiment:

we have left the medical and entered the miraculous! There is absolutely no

medical explanation for my recovery. I have less

than thirty percent of my cerebellum working,

I have two visible strokes in my brain stem, and

the scan shows severe damage to the pons area

of my brain stem. The summary of all my doc-

tors is this: my recovery is not simply rare, it has

never happened before. It is not just that I have

recovered, it is that I have recovered so quickly

and have no visible signs of a stroke: I do not

have a noticeable limp, I rarely slur my words, my vision has been affected

but is highly functional, and my balance problems are hidden to most. (That

is not to say that those problems do not exist, just that they are not obvious.)

So now I live; but, my life is changed. Now I live the life of a miracle!

“All o the doctors

have had the exact

same sentiment: we

have let the medical

and entered the

miraculous!”





CHAPTER 6

Some things to ponder

Coincidence: according to Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, it means

“a group of concurrent events or circumstances remarkable for lack of

apparent causal connections.” So that plants a question in my mind: were

the events that surrounded my stroke remarkable for their lack of apparent

causal connections? There are several events that happened in a relatively

short period of time, which taken together suggest

that they were not coincidental at all, but were or-

chestrated in such a way that each event, combined

with other events, created a perfect scenario for a

miracle. Did God orchestrate the events of my life

in such a way that it created this scenario? If He

did, could that also mean that He wishes to do the

same for others? It gives me great comfort to know

that the circumstances of my life did not take God

by surprise; rather, He divinely orchestrated the

“The foolishness of God is wiser than men;

and the weakness of God is stronger than men.”

1 CORINTHIANS 1:25

“It gives me

great comort to

know that the

circumstances

o my lie didnot take God by

surprise.”




40

events of my life for His purposes.

Taken independently, all the things that happened in the last few years

before I suffered my stroke would be quite simply random, but when theyare interpreted as a whole the question of whether it is coincidence or not

is valid. Is it mere coincidence that I moved from a church and home thirty

plus miles from a decent hospital to a church and home that has one right

across the street? Is it mere coincidence, also, that I was convinced to secure

life insurance less than three years before a stroke that would render me

uninsurable? Surely a few events could be coincidental, but a more extensive

look reveals things that appear to be much more.There are several things that seemed inconsequential at the time but

now appear to have been done for a purpose. Sometime in 2003 I was taking

my oldest daughter to the doctor; while I was there I asked him to take

my blood pressure just so I could see how I was doing. It was a little high,

but not really elevated, so I did not worry about

it. About six months or so later, I was taking

my son to the same doctor and asked, again, for

him to take my blood pressure. Again it was a

little elevated, but not so high that it concerned

me. In the summer of 2004, my wife and I were

going to change health insurance companies to

one that allowed more health savings account

contributions. I received a phone call from the

Health Insurance Underwriting Service, and

they informed me that they were going to raise my premium by twenty-five

percent and they would waive me from any coverage for heart problems.

Why? The doctor had written on my chart that I had chronic high blood

pressure; that caused the insurance company to place me in the “high risk”

category for heart disease. So, I submitted an application to the VA for cov-

erage under the Department of Veterans Affairs; I was accepted, so I no

longer needed supplemental insurance. Had I kept private insurance, my

stroke would not have been covered.As I had mentioned before, I had no life insurance before the events of

2005 led me to apply for it. Had I not done that, I would not have been able

“Had I kept private

insurance, my

stroke would

not have been

covered.”



James Mead

41

to secure life insurance because I was a high risk. As tragic as those circum-

stances were, they convinced me that I needed to pursue life insurance and

seek coverage for my family. Had those events not happened, there is a verygood possibility that I would not have sought out coverage for my family.

Less than one year before I came to Knoxville, the church had made a

decision to purchase a new parsonage for the pastor. The old parsonage was

a two-story home, and the only bathroom in the house was on the second

story; the master bedroom was on the top floor, the garage was detached

from house. The new parsonage was one level; two bathrooms with a master

bedroom on the main floor and a master bathroom. The garage was attachedto the house. Had the house still had two floors, I would not have been

able to live there immediately following my stroke; at that time, I could not

maneuver stairs so I would have had to stay in the hospital until I could

adequately manage steps.

I have said earlier that the doctors could not identify my problems

during the early stages of my illness. They tested me for spinal meningitis,

they thought I had some sort of intestinal infection, and it was assumed

that my high blood pressure was caused, mainly, by the extreme pain and

dizziness. It was not until Wednesday mid-morning that a stroke was iden-

tified. Because of the swelling and the massive damage to my brain stem,

transporting me to Iowa City, and the VA neurosurgeons, was out of the

question. Surgery had to be performed at a local Des Moines hospital. That

allowed for the congregation from my current church and my former church

to gather with my family at the hospital. Had I been transported to Iowa

City, the likelihood of my family enduring that situation alone would have

been much more likely. School for my children was still a possibility because

Dad was in a Des Moines hospital rather than an Iowa City hospital; my

son could still be involved with the school musical, my girls were able to go

to their school with their friends rather than being placed in an unfamiliar

situation.

I mentioned earlier that I felt as though I could have retired from the

church in Stratford; it was really a perfect situation for my family. So whenwe moved to Knoxville it did not make any sense to me, to my family, to my

church, or to people who were giving me advice. But I felt that God wanted




42

me in Knoxville, perhaps because He knew what was in my future, though

I did not. As early as 1995, plans were made to close the Knoxville campus

of the VA Central Iowa Health System; one roadblock after another wasencountered so that the hospital was still available for me in December of

2008. The Knoxville campus did eventually close—in December of 2009.

And last, but certainly not least, was the surgeon; Dr. John Piper was

the neurosurgeon who performed the craniectomy and cerebellum retrac-

tion. As it happens, Dr. Piper is perhaps the single greatest neurosurgeon in

the state of Iowa; he is well-respected by the neurologists in Des Moines,

Iowa City, and Cedar Rapids. Several of the doctors who have talked withme concerning my surgery have all said the same thing: if I could handpick

anyone to perform that surgery, Dr. Piper would be that person. Is it just

a coincidence that he was available for surgery that day? Is it mere coinci-

dence that, though he normally does not accept VA patients, he agreed to do

my surgery? Is it mere coincidence that Dr. Benjamin, my neurologist, was

not supposed to see me but decided to just “pop in?” Are all of these happen-

ings merely coincidental or did God divinely orchestrate things for His pur-

pose? Perhaps someone reading this is saying that it is in fact coincidental; but

I choose to believe that it was all the work of a loving God who knows

all things.

So, what if things had not worked out so well for me? What if I was

not able to walk again, or talk again, or feed myself ? What if all that was

true? That is a good question, but the answer is still the

same: God is still righteous, He is still good, and His

love is always the same. My circumstances do not influ-

ence how good God is to man. My wife asked me one

time what I would do if everything they said would

happen to me were actually true? My response was

that I would just have to do what I have always done:

adapt and overcome. I can remember, though, telling her and my kids to

remember this one thing: no matter what happens to me, God is still good.

Perhaps there is someone reading this that has experienced a tragedy in life;what can I say to them? God is still good. Fortunately, God is not bound

by my circumstances and He is never surprised by anything that happens.

“God is God,

and I am

not.”



James Mead

43

This may not be proper English, but I really believe it is true: God is God,

and I am not; therefore, I do not have the right to decide what happens in

life and I do not have the authority to question what occurs. Two thingsthat I NEVER do anymore: I never start a sentence with “God can’t,” and

I never start a sentence with “God has to.” He is God, He can do whatever

He chooses to do; but also, He is God, He can NOT do whatever He chooses

NOT to do.





Some of the young people from my youth group in Louisiana.

A good old-fashioned Louisiana crawfish boil for the youth group.

My first church—First Baptist church in Stratford, Iowa.




46

Celebrating the 150 th anniversary of the church.

The view from our doorstep on November 12, 2005, after a tornado

passed 100 feet from our house.



James Mead

47

Across the street, you can still see the tornado clouds in the distance.

My wife and my girls in our front yard preparing to cross the street.




48

At our house, the sand was still in the sandbox and the trampoline was

not touched!

Less than one block from our house.



James Mead

49

Fifteen days after the tornado, we are in another emergency

shelter.

Taking refuge in the United Methodist Church.




50

Notice the date: November 29. We had been forced into the

shelter on November 27!

New Covenant Church

in Knoxville, Iowa.



James Mead

51

Left: December 21, 2008;

only thirteen days removed

from my stroke.

Below: My mom and dad

came and spent nearly a

full month in Iowa; we cel-

ebrated Christmas in the VA

hospital.

My brothers,

David (left)and Dennis

(right), came

to visit me in

the hospital.




52

Left: Me and my girls

in the hospital.

Right: Less than three months from

my stroke, I was able to ride my bike,

run, play basketball, preach…all

things that I was given no hope of

doing ever again.

Christmas party with the youth in Louisiana.



James Mead

53

Skyler Dillon and Jeffrey

Garza; Jeffrey went on

to establish Life’s Jour-

ney Church in Zachary,

Louisiana.

First Baptist Church in Stratford, Iowa.




54

My kids: Shaylee (left), Brendan, (middle), and Madelyn (right).

Christmas 2004

A little light in an otherwise dark tunnel.



James Mead

55

The large white

spaces are areas

of my cerebellum that have been re-

moved by surgery. A

normal cerebellum

scan shows no white

(caused by dye that is

used to identify empty

spaces).

The larger and

smaller areas are

strokes in the brain

stem due to swelling.

A normal brain stem

scan would show no

white. Barely vis-

ible are darker areas

in the brain stem,

indicating areas of

lesions on the brain

stem.





PART II

What Is It Like?

What is my life like now? For a glimpse into the mind of a stroke

survivor, I will include portions of my blog: misspellings, bad gram- mar, and everything. At times it seems like mindless rambling, but

these are my real thoughts, my real feelings, and my real emotions.

My blog can be accessed at: astrokestory.blogspot.com.





CHAPTER 7

I’m sorry, this can’t really be happening

MONDAY, JANUARY 12, 2009

This will be my first post…You know what’s funny about a stroke...I know,

I know, there’s nothing funny...but the funny thing is that I heard my wifetalking about this peron who had a stroke and I thought to myself, “Hmm,

who had a stroke that I don’t know about...” Then I looked around and found

that I was the only person in a hospital bed and figured she must be talking

about me.

The interesting thing is that I remember everything up to the str0ke,

but I don’t remember the stroke itself. I can remember things I would rather

forget (like this season’s primaries and presidential election) but of that 2

weeks I have no recollection.

I’ll have to take my wife’s account of that 2 weeks as gospel because

I don’t remember it. (I do remember talking to a lady from the first church

I pastored and she said that she tried to come see me when I was in the

hospital. I said that she should have just said that she was there, because I

would not have known it!)

Speaking of my wife, I have to give her quite a bit of praise because

she was in my hospital rooms from the time I had my stroke until I was

released to the Knoxville VA. The only reason she wasn’t in my room then

was because we live only 6 blocks from the VA center in Knoxville - not to




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mention the other men I was sharing a room with. :-)

Anyway, I was talking about my stroke. My wife says that I had a CT

scan, but I don’t remember getting that from Knoxville Hospital & Clinics.They initially tested me for spinal meningitis because that was they thought

I had. Then she says I was transported to the Des Moines VA, but I don’t

remember that. You want to know what else is funny, I have phone calls

on my cell phone that I know I made because my wife remembers talking

to me, but I don’t remember making those calls. Anyway, then my blood

pressure came down and they told my wife to go home because the CT scans

were clear. Then my blood pressure went really high and they did anotherCT scan. THAT scan showed something different from the other scans. Dr.

Benjamin asked my wife if I had any trauma to my head recently. My wife

answered that I had a massage the day before. Dr. Benjamin said that I would

not survive a trip to Iowa City and for that purpose she recommnded that I

be transferred to Iowa Methodist to have surgery by Dr. Piper.

The type of stoke I had is called an Intracerebral Hemorrhage. I had

one major stroke in my cerebellum and 2 or 3 minor strokes in my brain

stem. I was not supposed to survive the surgery. If I survived, I had a 50/50

chance of waking up. If I woke up, the doctors said that I would never be

the same and I should just be in a wheelchair drooling.

I said that for this purpose, as I sit here, it has been less than 5 weeks

post surgery! God has been good to me. I realize that not everyone gets

a gift like this from God, but the Drs. are astounded by my recovery. The

nurse that gave me my final medicine at the rehab center said, I’ve never seen

a faster recovery!’”

Every day I live now I live for the One who gave life to me. There is no

scientific reason why I am sitting at my computer writing this now; there is

only one reason and it is because God has been looking out for me. You may

not believe in Him, but all I can tell you is that I was released 3 weeks and

1 day after having surgery on my brain. THAT is a mystery to the Drs. But

it is no mystery to me, because I know the One that says there is a balm in

Gilead. I know the One Who is the Great Physician. I don’t know a doctor,but I know The Doctor.

When I Woke up…I had a bunch of stitches in my head. My wife said



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I also had a shunt in to relieve the pressure is my head. Dr. Bejamin said (to

my wife) that I only had 2 or 3 hours before I passed away from the pressure

on my brain and in my head. My head (5 weeks removed from surgery) stillitches but I have had all the stitches removed completely.

I woke up in CCU at Iowa Methodist hospital. I vaguely remember

people coming to see me. I don’t remember anything they said, I just re-

member that they were there. I had surgery on December 10th and I woke

up on I think December 13 or 14. I was moved onto the 5th floor of Iowa

Methodist and was then given the option (at the bargain rate of $2,000 -

$6,000 a DAY) to move to Younker Recovery and Rehab. I served in theArmy from 1989 unil 1994 so I qualified for VA treatment at the VA rehab

center in Knoxville.

I don’t remember being at the Des Moines VA the first time, but I

remember this trip to the Des Moines VA center. I was there from Decem-

ber 20 thru December 22. Then I was transferred on December 22 to the

Knoxville VA rehab center. I stayed in Knoxville Rehab until January 1st.

After that I was on pass and then I was released completely from Physical

Therapy and Occupational Therapy. I still have to see the Speech therapist,

but I will only have to go to see in 2 weeks and then I will see what happens

from there.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 13, 2009

I guess I should back up…My wife first suspected I was having the

stroke on December 9th pretty early. At first she didn’t know what to think

because I was just stumbling around. I don’t remember much of that morn-

ing, but my wife says that I was hitting my head against the wall trying to

get to the bathroom and such. That was when she called the local hospital

911 because it was only 4 a.m. and she did not want to wait until 8 a.m. when

all the Dr. offices opened. She wound up calling the nurse at Mercy 911

and she said that I should go to the local emergency room to get treatment

ASAP.I can only guess that I was having symptoms of the stoke 3 or 4 weeks

before my actual stroke because I wa having sudden intense headaches.




62

Looking back, I can see that was a sign of a stroke, but I attributed it to

using a new bathroom cleaner. Now the Drs. think I had a “perfect storm”

sort of speak that all came together. I had borderline high blood pressure, Iwas taking over the counter cold midication that raised my blood pressure,

I was taking herbal remedies which only raised my already high bl00d pres-

sure, and I had a massage the morning of the 8th of December. None of

those things are dangerous independently, but together they think it was

what caused my stroke.

The Drs. are also trying to figure out what would casue a 38 year old

man in pretty good shape (I was going to the Rec. Center everyday and hadlowere my Cholesterol by 68 points in a year) to have a stroke. They think it

may be a genetic problem that casued weakness in the muscle that surrounds

the blood vessel that allowed blood to leak into the brain. That, combined

with all the aforementioned things, may have caused the stroke. They are

not certain, but that is what the think.

The rest of the next 2 weeks are just a blur to me. My wife says that I

was actually at 2 hospitals in Des Moines, but I can only remember waking

up at CCU in Iowa Methodist. My wife says that abotu 30 - 50 people from

my church were there on during my surgery and for the first few days. I

don’t remember them, but I will take her word for it. She also said that my

brain swelling was so severe before the surgery that my kids had to come in

and spend a few minutes to tell me goodbye if I didn’t make it through the

surgery. My associate Pastor, Ethan Book, was in my room or at the hospital

constantly throughout my hospital stay. He was tremendous to me and my

wife during this difficult time for me.

I also had visitors from the first church I pastored in Stratford, Iowa.

I don’t remember what they said, I just remember them being there.

Laura (my wife) said that my surgery lasted 4 or 41/2 hours. They

Drs. had to repair the muscle and the vein and then suction out the bleedign

and then they put a shunt in to relieve the pressure that was building in my

head. Dr. piper said to my wife to expect 6 months of intense therapy. But

I have fooled the Drs. and today is my 5 week anniversary of my surgery. Ihave been bck to work for about a week and Laura has been back to work for

a week too. God is good



James Mead

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14, 2009

It is taking awhile…It is taking awhile to get used to everything inmy body being different than it used to be, but I am slowly getting used to

it. My hands are the worst of it. I can’t seem to get my hands to do what I

want them to do. I can’t write, I can’t type. I guess I can a little, but I am not

like I used to be. I used to type and write without thinking, but now I have

to think about everyting I write and type.

I can’t clap like I used to. I clap different from the way I did the rest of

my life. I know, I know it is a little thing, but I can’t do anything like I usedto. It is a big thing when you realize that everything in your life will be dif-

ferent. Whenever I have a headache, I have to ask myself if this is a normal

headache, or am I having another stroke. Whenenver I have a simple cold I

will never again be able to take over the counter medicine. I will have to go

to a Dr. It is a small price to pay, but it is different from the first 38+ years.

I might talk normal again, but I might not talk normal. It is going to take

awhile, but I will get used to this, too.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 15, 2009

I had my follow up from Iowa Methodist…I had a good follow up. The

Dr. said that I was doing well. He was actually astounded by my progress.

He had me walk heel to foot, touch his finger, touch my nose and many other

things. He did reccomend that I go to Iowa City to follow up with a stroke

specialist. But, he was very pleased with everything I told him. His only area

of concern was with my INR because it was a little low. He wants it at be-

tween 2 and 3. It was only 1.48. So, he wants to keep me on the Warfarin as

long as my INR is low. The VA wants me off the Warfarin in about 2 more

months. Then they want me on low dose Aspirin for pobably the rest of my

life. But the Dr. at Iowa Methodist wants to see me on Warfarin longer. But

he was just offering his suggestion.

He also said that the reason I have problems at night is because I havehad both sides of my cerebellum removed. Apparently there are 5 parts of

your body that are necessary for balance. If any one is gone, then when




64

another is taken away, it makes balance worse. He said, before I had a chance

to tell him, that I was stumbling around at night. That is because the eyes

are another part of your body that is necessary for balance. Because mycerebellum is gone, that makes my eyes much more important. If my eyes

are gone, then my cerebellum becomes more important. If my cerebellum is

gone, then my balance will be shot.

Overall it was a good visit and he was genuinely astouned when he

saw me. The last time he saw me, I was in a hospital bed and I could not even

do anything on my own. Now I am able to do everything on my own, even

walking!!!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 17, 2009

I will try to post the newspaper article about me here.

Knoxville rallies behind minister

Article used with the permission of the editor of the Knoxville Journal-Express.

It may be next to impossible to prove the existence of miracles, but an ordeal for one

Knoxville family may make a strong case in favor of it.

“I shouldn’t be having this conversation with you,” Pastor Jim Mead of the

New Covenant Church said last week. Jim suffered an intra cranial hemorrhage

and several mini strokes in his brain stem on Dec. 9. He was told that most people

who suffer these attacks on the brain either find themselves confined to a wheelchair

or dead.

Around 4 a.m. Dec. 9, Jim told his wife, Laura, that he felt funny. He was

stumbling around and vomiting. They believed he had meningitis, so they went to

the Knoxville hospital and clinics. He was transferred to the Knoxville VA Medical

Center, then to the Des Moines VA. Jim underwent three CT scans and an MRI.

A VA neurologist asked Laura if Jim had suffered any head trauma. Jim

was stroking and his brain was beginning to swell.

“I remember asking, ‘Is there any hope?’” Laura said. “It was just an awful prognosis.” Laura called Jim’s parents to let them know what was going on.

Jim, who served five years with the Unites States Army needed emergency



James Mead

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brain surgery. The VA typically has its patients receive that kind of treatment in

Iowa City.

“I didn’t have time,” Jim said. He was transferred to Iowa Methodist Medi- cal Center.

The stroke had affected both sides of his brain, a condition his doctors had

never experienced before. If, after the operation, he slipped into a coma, there would

have been no hope.

The Mead children, Brendan, Shaylee and Madelyn, had been left in the care

of New Covenant’s Associate Pastor, Ethan Book. Laura called them to let them

know what had happened.“We just prayed and gathered arouund Jim in the trauma room,” Laura said.

The doctors were not giving her a lot of hope. “I felt like, basically, we were saying

goodbye.”

As the family told Jim how much they love him, a surgical nurse looked on.

Laura said the nurse was crying and asked permission to offer Jim up for prayer.

Laura obliged.

“We were just surrounded by people who love God,” Laura said. The emotion

turned to laughter momentarily when young Madelyn said that she didn’t want

Daddy to die, “because he’s the fun one.”

Meanwhile, the community was rallying behind the Mead family. Word had

spread about Jim’s condition. As Book remembers it, the crowd in the waiting room

grew to approximately 50 visitors.

“It was just unbelievable,” Book said. “The were so many people there.”

People offered money, food, whatever the family needed. Book credits his church

with having many leaders, willing to step up in times of crises, but those who

showed support went beyond New Covenant’s congregation

“It made you thankful for the community,” Book said. The Mead’s have an

extensive list of people they want to thank for their assistance during the ordeal.

Among those specifically mentioned were KHC, the Knoxville VA, Jason and Lily

Maasdam, Ross Leeper, Jacke Duffy and Doug Wilson. Overall, they want the

community to know how grateful they are for everyone who helped their family.

“I don’t know how everything circulated,” Laura said. “I was just over- whelmed.”

During and after the surgery, Laura said they begged God for a miracle. She




66

believes He delivered.

“When medicine ends, God is only getting started I think,” Laura said. Jim

never lost his faith, nor did he become angry with God. He and Laura live by the philosophy that God is good, even when one’s circumstances are not.

“We’re just full of gratitude,” Laura said.

Laura never left Jim’s side. She had been told that even though Jim survived,

he would face months of therapy and he may never again be the man he was.

Jim believes God looked down upon him and showed mercy. Weeks after sur-

gery, the only effect still noticeable is slurred speech.

“Given time, I think my speech will come back, too,” Jim said. Laura said Jim was determined to adapt and overcome this challenge. He amazed physical

therapists at the Knoxville VA with his progress. Not only have his physical abilities

come back, but Laura says his memory and personality are there as well. She joked

that when she asks him, “Have you lost your mind?” he can reply, “Yes, I have.”

Jokes aside, Jim says the support Laura has given him has been tremendous.

As a result of the stroke, Jim is on medication. He believes it is a small price

to pay. The scientific reason behind Jim’s stroke is not known for sure. Doctors have

told the Mead’s the likely cause is a “perfect storm” of conditions unique to Jim.

Jim was on blood pressure medication, then went off it. Around the same time,

he got a cold, took medicine to treat it, which raised his blood pressure again. There

is also a chance Jim has a congenital weakness in the muscle. On top of that he had

a massage the day before. All of these things may have combined to cause the stroke.

Jim’s ordeal did impact the message New Covenant’s congregation received.

Book said he did not have time to think about taking over the leadership of the church.

“We just have each other’s backs’” Book said. He learned a lot about faith,

watching in amazement at the faith Jim and Laura displayed as they faced this

challenge.

“He’s just a present example of want God can do,” Book said.

Jim will return to the pulpit on Jan. 25. He has already resumed his work

with the AWANA group. The first time he walked into an AWANA meeting after

the surgery, the children were ecstatic. A similar reaction came when he made it to

a church service earlier this month. Getting back to his old routine has helped his recovery, Jim believes.

Jim says God was testing him. Satan saw the positive impact he was having



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on the community and tried to strike him down.

“I think that God just said, ‘You’re going to be back’,” Jim said. “if one more

person comes to church, if one more person is saved, it’s worth it.”

SUNDAY, JANUARY 18, 2009

Today I led the service at church...The morning started with a meet-

ing (informal, of course) with the deacons. It was decided that I would do a

“dry run” for next week by doing the opening prayer, the announcements,

the pastoral prayer and the pastoral song. It was a re3ally good feeling tobe able to do all that and not be tired. It felt good to be back in the pulpit.

Swann Juline preached, so I didn’t have to. Ethan was at winter retreat for

the Senior High so he was unavailable. I often joke with him about having “a

vacation” but I know that it is a lot of work taking the Sr. High to retreat.


Tonight I should practice driving…This may be a big night for me.

I should practice driving in a parking lot tonight. This should be a great

night. I am a little bit nervous getting behind the wheel again, but I think

I am ready. I don’t know yet what will be expected of me from the VA on

Wednesday. I have to call tomorrow and find out if the VA needs me to

bring my own vehicle, or if they will provide it.

I will also be practicing tonight for Sunday. Overall this should be a

big night for me. I know it has not even been 6 weeks yet, but it seems like it

has been an eternity. My dad has been struggling with this for over 7 years.

I know that it can be done, but it has been hard. I don’t know what is harder,

knowing I can and am not allowed, or not being allowed. If I simply wasn’t

allowed, then that would be all of it. I simply would not do it. BUT since I

can, but am not allowed, it is harder because I know it is something I used

to do, but will have to work into it.

Speaking of things I used to be able to do, I used to be able to do jumping jacks easily and now I have a hard time doing them. I think that it

is because I do not have a good cerebellum the rest of my body wants to take




68

over. Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that when I jump it feels weird.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 20, 2009

Today I really thought about things...This morning I really thought

about things from my wife’s perspective, in fact from everyone else’s per-

fpective and I thought, “How selfish have I become.” I have given little

thought to how the other person feels toward me. I have only thought how

they must affect ME. I never thought about the woman who graduated from

William Penn and I was not there to congratulate her. I never thought aboutthe kids in the band and how they must feel doing a benefit for someone

most of them have never met. I never thought about my kids, how they

must have felt the first few days watching me in a hospital bed not knowing

what would happen to me. Most of all, I never thought of how my wife

feels. She has had to do all of the driving, all of the ice-scraping, all of the

bill paying, all the running to the bank, all the running to the store, all the

picking up the kids from their activities. I could say, “Yeah, but she did not

have a stroke.” The question comes when I ask myself the question, “Would

I do the same for her?” I think, in fact I know, the answer, “Yes.” Is it because

I feel obligated? No. It is because I love her and want her to be as at ease as

possible. So, does she baby me a little? Yes. Only because she does not EVER

want anything like this to happen to me again. So, for the rest of the time, I

will keep my mouth shut and only do what I am allowed. IF I do more that

I should, I NEED to get fussed at. I need to understand that what happened

to me did not only affect me; it has affected everyone that comes in contact

with me and my situation. I need to understand that the people that have

been most effected by what happened to me are the ones who love me the

most. If they look at me differently, then so be it. The responsibility really

falls on me. It is about time I stop expecting everyone else to change their

response to me. They did not have the stroke; I did. It is my responsibility

then to change my response to them as well. It is time, as John McCarthur

would say, for me to be gentle in my response to every person. They don’tknow what it is like to have a stroke, but it is WRONG for me to expect

them to know what it is like. The things I cannot control, I won’t try to; the



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things I can control I will and nothing more.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 21, 2009

Last night my wife really opened up about the ordeal…I don’t know, I

guess I never thought about how it was for her to see my ice glass, or to see

me laying on a hospital bed unresponsive. I know that the stroke affected me

in a tremendous way, but I have never stopped to think about how it affected

my wife and kids. She told me the kids were crying when they got to the

hospital because they did not know if they would ever see daddy again. Thatis pretty terrifying for children 7 and 10, not to mention a 16 year old that

is just about ready to finish his first year driving.

It was a pretty traumatic experience for everyone involved, which

makes me appreciate them more that I am home. Yeah, it irritates me when

my 16 year old does not get his jeans into the laundry room and then com-

plains that he does not have any jeans. Or when my 7 and 10 year old fight

over a littlest pet shop toy. But, the alternative is having them bury their

father, and that makes me enjoy the little things. I may not like all them, but

I enjoy seeing them.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 23, 2009

Today was another big day...First, it is the last working day before my

big day. I go back to preaching this Sunday. My mom says that I am like a

cat on a hot tin roof. I cannot sit still. I pace all over and I am fidgety. I can

only guess that it is because of this Sunday. The church (which, I am gateful

for) is really making a big deal over this Sunday. This will be my first Sunday

back, so, yeah, I’m a little nervous.

Second, I got my license. If you have been following my blog, you

know what a big deal this is. I feel now that I have a level of independence

that I did not have before. I drove to my wife’s business while she was at

work by myself. It felt great to be behind the wheel again. I DID have alaughing fit at her office (I don’t know if I said anything that funny or if it

was a part of what the Dr. told me to expect.) But, anyway, I drove alone




70

for the first time since December 8th. Boy, did it feel good.

Third, I ran across the street. Now, normally I am not supposed to run

and I am not supposed to now, but I was experimenting. It felt weird. I haveabsolutely NO coordination. I was not able to run like I could before. (as a

side note, it will be funny when I am allowed to play basketball again to see

if I am able to run then). The running was not bad, like I did not feel bad

afterward, but I just do not have any coordination at all.

Next, I went out to Kin Folks to celebrate the fact that I got my li-

cense back. It was really good. I have not been to Kin Folks for about 3 or 4

months. Tonight I went out with my wife, my 2 girls and my parents. (Myson was at a basketball game). I had a hard time, in fact I could not, finish it

all. Whatever the night, I had a big day.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 25, 2009

Last Night I had a good time at the Rec. Center…

Now, I have to be honest. (Why is it that preacher’s always tell you

that they are being honest now...). I was a little apprehensive before because

I did not know how much I would be able to do. Would my limitations get in

the way of once I got on the floor? When I arrived, I found out that I did not

have to worry about the weight room and the exercise room because we did

not have that reserved. I did not venture into the pool (even though I could

have as long as I stayed in the shallow end). That only left the gymnasium.

When I arrived, I could do very little, so, I was worried.

After everyone else started to arrive, I loosened up a bit. I had a good

time fellowshipping with the people there. I guess we had 75 - 85 there.

Considering how cold it was (about 8 degrees) I thought it was a good

turnout. Over the night, I found myself doing more in the gym. At the

beginning, as I said, I could do next to nothing. By the end of the night, I

was running across the gym floor and shooting 3-pointers (I even made a

few!!!) Overall, it was a good night.

I told my wife, “One night down, one more day to go.” Today will bemy first attempt at preaching since my stroke. I have preached some where

in the vicinity of 600 sermons...this is the first one I am genuinely nervous



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about. Will I forget; will I fall; will I be able to preach like I did before?

All these questions and more are running through my mind. I will update

everyone after I preach today.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 31, 2009

I realize that this is a post most people won’t understand...But you will

never know what it feels like to have every decision, and every word scruti-

nized for its accuracy. Now, before I go on I want to say that I know that the

people who say something have only my best interests in mind, but it stillgive a stroke victim (or anyone else who has a problem communicating) a

sense that everyone is just waiting for you next mistake. It really gives you

a sense that every word you say is checked for it accuracy.

Some people don’t know what I am talking about, but when it happens,

you will know it. For intstance, the other day I needed to go to the post

office and I said the bank on accident. Could it have been the stroke? Maybe.

The truth is I probably would say that wrong word before I had anything

wrong with me. The truth is that people are more in tune to it now. Before, I

might say something wrong and people would just overlook it...now if I say

something wrong people are more attune and they bring it to my attention.

Now, as I said before, it is something that I just have to get used to because

the people who say something have my best interests in mind. (I guess you

could say it this way...am I asking them to STOP saying something to me

when I get it wrong, no. I just want people to be aware that I am aware of it

and it bothers me about me, not about them).

It will be something I have to carry for (presumably) for the rest of

my life. I will probably always have a slight speech problem. If I don’t, fine.

But I am planning on it. So, for the next who-knows-how-many-years I will

have to plan on my speech being scrutinized. (Just a side note, I think I pay

more attention to my speech problem than anyone else. For instance, I was

just talking with someone the other day and they said that if I did not tell

them I had a stroke, they would not have guessed.) So, I just have to get usedto keeping my feelings to myself about my speech. This will probably be the

only post about this on this blog.





CHAPTER 8

Starting to adjust to my new life

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2009

Yesterday was the first day doing everything for me...Yesterday was a big

day. Not as big as last Sunday, for sure, but it was a big day nonetheless.

For the first time since my stroke, I was able to teach my Sunday school

class, preach the Sunday morning message, visit the hospital, and do a small

group at Westridge nursing home. I had one person tell me (after I told

them I had a stroke) that if I hadn’t told them, they would not have guessed

that anything was different about me.

I have to say that it was the first time that I felt “normal” for a whole

day. I was able (I think) to convey all the messages I wanted; I was able to

preach and think on my feet a little; I was able at the nursing home to take

some of the people’s thoughts and tell what I wanted them to know. For the

first time (I know I have said it before) I really had to reach back and feel the

scar from my surgery to know that something had happened.

Now, I am still having issues with my typing, but that is to be ex-

pected. The Dr. said that since I had part of my cerebellum removed, that isresponsible for coordination and typing takes an incredible amount of coor-

dination to do really well. So that has not come back completely. Tonight my




74

wife asked me what percentage I think I am now. I think overall I am about

90% of what I was on December 7th. My typing, though, is maybe 75-80%

of what it was before. I have several misspellings; several times I have tobackspace because I hit the wrong key, and many times I write ahead of

myself. I can only think it is because my mind operates so much faster than

my hands that I get ahead of myself and type a letter that comes in 3 more

words. For instance, I may type a “c” because I know it is coming rather than

typing an “m” even though it is the next letter. All I can say is it is WEIRD.

Other than that, I am almost back to normal (those of you who know

me may feel bad for my wife right now). I still stumble from time to time andI have to force my right leg not to cross my left leg. But most of the time I

do really well.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2009

Well, today I saw my VA neurologist...To sum up a long conversation

with Dr. Benjamin, she could not believe that I could sit up, walk, touch her

finger or really anything because it requires some coordination. Since I no

longer have a cerebellum (or very little of one) that SHOULD be IMPOS-

SIBLE. Not just difficult, but not possible. I guess I could sum it up by

saying that I had a great visit with her.

There was a surgical resident in the room with us. She knew nothing

about me, but she also said that I should not be able to do anything. (Not

that Dr. Benjamin did not know what she was talking about, but the resident

did not have any reason to think anything out of the ordinary about me.)

Dr. Benjamin also let the resident (and me) see the CT scans from before my

surgery. She showed me where the cerebellum was infarcting (stroking). Ba-

sically, I would have to agree with her assessment that I no longer have an

operating cerebellum left. She also showed me where the CT scan showed

my brain swelling, putting pressure on my brain stem.

As a side note, I also found out that I should NOT have had a spinal

tap while I was having a stroke. Apparently the local hospital thought I washaving spinal meningitis (which was a logical assumption) but they never

explored the option of a stroke. They assumed I was having spinal menin-



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gitis from the first second I walked into the ER.

Dr. Benjamin was AMAZED that I could walk anywhere without a

cerebellum. Now, if I was being transparent for a minute, it is a humblingthing to hear a Dr. say that it should be IMPOSSIBLE for me to do what

I am doing without a cerebellum. It can be a very humbling experience to

hear them talk about you like you are some sort of FREAK. Now, it may be

difficult to hear, but I will take it over the alternative any time.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2009

Today, I’m having a little bit of a pity party...Now, fundamentally I un-

derstand that I should not be able to do able to do what I am doing. I get that

part, and for that I am grateful. But until you have had a stroke, you really

are not able to sympathize with me. It has given me a new appreciation for

people that chastise me when I say that I know what they are going through.

I cannot explain everything, but I have problems controlling my emotions.

Saying that I shouldn’t have the problem does not take away the fact that I

do. I have some problems with my speech. Really, it does not matter what

area I should struggle with, the fact is I do.

Yesterday, I went on facebook and saw a page for classmates of mine

that are no longer with us (I will celebrate, if you want to call it that, my

20th graduation anniversary this summer). The truth is, I almost made that

list. I nearly died. Until it has happened to you, it is really an insult to say

that you know what I am going through. The truth is, no one knows what

it is like to wake up and find out you had conversations of which you have

no recollection; no one knows what it is like to find out what all the Drs are

saying about me; no one knows what it was like to see the scans and find that

I did not have a minor stroke, but I had a major stroke in my cerebellum and

minor strokes in my brain stem. To see the scans before and after, I really

did not have a grasp of what the situation was...now I know and it scares

me. The truth is, people do not know what it is like. That is not to say that

some people do not know what it is like to have agony. People struggle withagony, I know, but saying that I should react like I would for a bad cold is

wrong, too. Simply put, I had a stroke...I nearly died...I should be, according




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to medicine, a vegetable for the rest of my life...I ought to be in a hospital

bed for the rest of my life...how do YOU think you would react to that?

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2009

There are little things that some people take for granted...Today I had

a nice relaxing lunch with my wife. This may seem like a normal day out to

most people, but it meant something bigger to me: it meant that I was still

here to take her to lunch; it meant that I was able to sit with her; it meant

that I did not have to communicate with a board, and it meant that for themost part I was not on a special diet because of my stroke. I just had a won-

derful time with her. I cannot express how much it means to be able to spend

quality time with her. Each time my kids throw themselves on me, it means

a lot to me. My youngest, who has a hard time putting everything together,

sometimes says that I cannot do things because I was sick. She is right...I

have limitations; life as I once knew it is over. But what I gave up is nothing

compared to what I still have with my wife and children. I have been more

than just blessed to watch my kids grow up or just have a relaxing time with

my wife out for a simple lunch.

While I am on the subject, this is about as close as I have come to a

“normal” night out. I went to the hospital to visit a churchgoer, and while

we were mulling over where to go for dinner, some people from our church

invited us out. So, we had a nice night at Applebee’s and really had a nice

conversation. It really felt good. I even told my wife that I noticed (which

means I was paying attention) that I did not slur my words as much when

I was in a restaurant as when I was just riding somewhere. Maybe it is

because I try harder when I am in mixed company than when I am nearly or

totally alone. It is something to think about.

Now I am waiting for my son to get back from his job. He had to drop

off some tax stuff and get his check. These are great days...I get to wait up

for my son and 10:30 p.m. Considering the alternative, I will take staying up

anytime.



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SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2009

Today I found out something very important...I can still ride a bike!!! Wewent down to the North Overlook of Lake Red Rock and walked the trails.

We had a picnic and I had a good day withe the family. We took our bikes out

and rode around. We watched people fishing and just had a good day.

As a side note, according to the State of Iowa, I am permanently dis-

abled! I get a permanent fishing license effective the day of my stroke. From

now on, I will never have to buy a fishing license again. Now, I am not saying

that I am permanently disabled, but the state of Iowa does and so they gaveme my license.

Slowly I am getting back to normal...I made a visit to a recent visitor

to the church and made a trip to Wal-Mart. I know that people are sick of

me saying it, but I have to reach up every now and then to remind myself

that anything significant happened to me. At night I am reminded all the

time because I tend to slur my words when I am tired. But, I plan to go to

church tomorrow and do everything (my associate is out of town, so I will

have to do the announcements in addition to preaching). Basically, I am get-

ting back to normal.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2009

I had a great day today...Let me start by saying that most people say

that they would never know I had a stroke if I did not tell them. I know that;

I understand that. I only tell them in case I make a mistake then maybe they

will be more likely to overlook it. Anyway, today I was at the hospital to visit

someone from the church and in came the Dr. We struck up a conversation,

and then my stroke came up (because I was given the choice of doing rehab

in that institution). the Dr. asked which person (me or my wife) had the

stroke. Now, this was not a normal person...this was a neurologist, someone

who deals with stroke patients every day. Now, on the surface someone may

say that this is a small deal. But, if you are the one who had a stroke and aDr. who deals with strokes does not know that you are the one who had a

stroke, that is a big deal.




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After that, we went to Sam’s Club. I could have had a field day in there.

It seems like everything I saw was something the kids would really like.

Sometime I want to spend an entire day just getting whatever I want (I wishI had that kind of money). Anyway, it was a good day. Just spending the day

leisurely with my wife was great...having the Dr. not know which one had

the stroke was only icing. The real joy came in spending some time alone

with my wife. We didn’t have an agenda, we didn’t have a Dr. appointment,

we did not have to get home at a certain time for the kids (because they were

being picked up by someone else). It was a really great time.



CHAPTER 9

A minor setback

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2009

I know it has been a long time since I posted...I have been in the hospital for

the last week. It all started when I went to the ER Monday and they did a

scan to see if I had a blood clot. Once it was determined that I did not have a

clot, they gave me a muscle relaxant, told me that I just had a pulled muscle,

and sent me home.

The next morning I was taking my daily medicine, when I passed out.

I guess I was out for about 2 or 3 minutes. My wife said that she thought

I was dead because my eyes were open, but I was not responsive. She im-

mediately called 911 and they brought me to Knoxville hospital. Initially

the ER thought I passed out because my heart rate dropped, but then they

determined after many tests that I passed out from the pain in my leg. After

many tests and a cardiologist that wanted to put in a pacemaker, they said

that I was bleeding in my leg, which caused my heart rate to drop, resulting

in my passing out.

I spent 5 days in the hospital, not knowing if I would need surgery ornot. The problem was that I was on coumadin, which allowed me to bleed




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in my leg, but would complicate a surgery. First, they had to reverse the ef-

fects of coumadin to stop the bleeding in my leg, then they had to raise my

hemoglobin, making sure that the bleeding had stopped. After several daysof observation, they finally let me go home today, but I have to monitor my

leg at home and I have to see my Dr. on Monday.

Other than that, I had a great week. I told my wife it may be the only

time I leave the hospital weighing more than I did when I went in, because

I could not eat on Monday until 5 p.m. and I did not eat on Tuesday until 5

p.m. So the rest of the week I ate BIG meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Ethan, again, filled in great for me. He did a funeral (at the time I didnot know it would be his first funeral), visited several people in the hospital

and visited me. I know that he tends to downplay how much he does for me,

but it really is a comfort to know that I can go to the hospital and things will

be taken care of in my absence.

My wife, who has been through a lot, really did a great job this time

again. Unlike the first time in the hospital (which was life threatening) she

saw me pass out and thought me to be dead. I appreciate all she does and

maintaining things when I am in the hospital. My kids, too, have been a

source of great pleasure, not grief. They have been through a lot the last

couple of months, but continue to do things like any other kids. I have really

come to appreciate my family, as if not before, in the last few months.

Tomorrow I should go back to church. I will have to go easy for a

couple months. But, we’ll see what develops over the weeks. I guess that is

all that I have to write now. But I will write more later.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2009

I didn’t get any good news today...well, sorta…I went to the VA for a

follow up today. After they took my blood, I just did normal things around

the house. But, when I went back the Dr. said that he did not buy the fact that

I just had borderline high blood pressure, was on over-the-counter medicine,

went for a massage and had a stroke. Basically he said what people have beensaying for a long time: people my age just don’t have strokes. What he said



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is that people have those conditions every day, but they don’t have strokes.

So, now I just have to wait to find out what the stroke specialist says. He is

concerned that they don’t know what caused my stroke yet.I am going through a time that I am unfamiliar with. I cannot do cer-

tain things that I used to be able to do, and I don’t like it. The truth is that I

need help doing almost everything. As much as I appreciate people who are

willing to do things for me, I hate the fact that I cannot do them. I struggle

with everything, and what I don’t struggle with, I have problems doing. I

need help going downstairs, walking from room to room, going to work...

everything. I know it is only a temporary setback while my leg heals, but Ihave often said that I HATE this new reality.

I spent last night thinking that I wish I could just rewind to before my

stroke. The fact is that everything HAS to be linked to my stroke. I can only

hope that life gets back to normal pretty soon.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2009

I am in an emotional whirlwind…I am still having some problems with

my emotions. I tend to laugh a lot when I laugh, cry a lot when I cry and

I get really angry when I get angry. Every Dr. tells me it is a side effect of

my stroke, but I have to learn to get control of it. For instance, when I laugh

at work or with my wife, I laugh until I can hardly breathe. When I cry, I

cry over simple things like movies that never used to make me cry (like Elf

and the Princess Bride). When I deal with the kids, I catch myself getting

short (it usually takes me by surprise...I think I am controlling things and

my family will tell me to calm down when I think I am). It is just something

I will have to get used to, and try to recognize the signs of its oncoming and

overcome it.

On a side note, I go to the Dr. on Tuesday to see a stroke specialist.

There is a part of me that wants the Dr. to find nothing out of the ordinary

and that she is as baffled as me. On the other hand there is a part of me that

wants the Dr. to find something and tell me what the treatment is. That wasI will no longer have to wonder what is wrong with me.




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I did a little reminiscing today...Just a little bit ago I finished lookingat pictures of my when I was in the hospital. Some of the pictures I admit-

tedly cannot remember vividly. I remember that it was taken, but I cannot

remember the whole situation. It brought back a lot of memories. Some of

them I would rather forget, like being in the hospital. Others I remember

fondly, like my parents and brothers, David and Dennis, visiting me.

More than anything else, it makes me aware of where I am and where

God has brought me. I know that I have said it many times, but the truthis that I nearly died, I have had many doctors tell me that I cannot do the

things I am doing, and no doctor so far can figure out what happened to get

me in my situation. I realize how much my wife, children and the rest of

my family had to go through. I also know that my church family had to go

through a lot.

For right now, I am just rejoicing to be alive and enjoying my daugh-

ter’s 11th birthday. Soon, my other daughter will celebrate her 8th birthday

and I will be here to see that, too. My son will celebrate his 17th birthday in

less than 5 months. The truth is that I am here for it, and I almost was not

alive to enjoy their birthdays. I am just resting in God everyday.

MONDAY, MARCH 2, 2009

I had an interesting day yesterday...Ok, by now most of the regular

followers of my blog know that I try, unsuccessfully at times, but I try to

keep most of the posts pretty positive. I write about what I did, what I tried,

and sucess I had, a Dr. visit that went extremely well (as all my Dr. visits

so far have done). But, this will not be one of those posts. Yesterday was

a really interesting day. I would say that as long as I stayed busy, I had a

normal day. But, when I was at home, just sitting, I was really down. I can’t

explain it, I was just a Negative Nelly all day at home. That is not like me. I

am usually an Ollie Optimist.When everyone else is down, I can usually find a reason to be encour-

aged. But, yesterday I was in the dumps all day at home. I can only guess



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why: it is because I saw pictures from before my stroke, and I was missing

that life. The truth is, my current existence stinks. Oh, I am getting used to

it and I am not going to go Postal on someone, but truthfully it stinks. I haveto learn almost everything over again. Not how to do it, but what I can or

cannot do. Since I have had my “setback” it is worse. My leg hurts when I

try to do something as simple as put my shoes on. If my leg does not hurt,

then it is my chest where I fell. My entire left side hurts. My wife and I can

only guess that when I passed out, I must have hit the doorway first before I

hit the ground. So, I have to try everything a new way. Even yesterday while

preaching, I had to preach from a chair. I know I should be rejoicing that Iwas able to perform my job, and I am thankful for that, but it was different,

and it was all due to my stroke and the after-effects of that one event.

Now, I am feeling better today. Maybe I was just tired and needed

to sleep; maybe I have to be busy and I am facing a new week; maybe my

appointment tomorrow is coming quickly and I am excited about it...regard-

less, I feel better today. I will feel best when I am DONE with Drs. and I can

finally get back to feeling better.





CHAPTER 10

Moving on

TUESDAY, MARCH 3, 2009

Today is my appointment in Iowa City…Well, today is the day that I have

been waiting for a month. I hope (of couse, it depends on what she says)

that after today I will be done seeing doctors. The only nice thing is that you

have to be accepted to Dr. Davis, but my understanding is that SHE wants

to see ME. It is nice to see a Dr. that wants to see you instead of vice versa.

Anway, I should know more after today than I have ever known before. The

Dr. today is a stroke specialist. I have seen neurologists before, but each of

my neurologists want me to see THIS Dr. apparently she is the best in Iowa

dealing with strokes. If I stump her, then I don’t know what I will do next.

A part of me wants her to say that she cannot see anything wrong with

me, she is baffled, so I just have to go home. At the same time, another part

of me wants her to find something wrong with me, tell me what causes it,

what the prevention is and to have a nice day. I cannot have both, but either

would be nice.




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WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4, 2009

I had my appointment with the stroke specialist yesterday…All I cansay is that I don’t think I could have had a better appointment. First, I need to

say that she was surprised, not at the fact I am walking because she thinks I

would have gotten there soon anyway, but she was surprised that I was walk-

ing as soon as I am. When she came to get me, she said that she expected to

see me in another state, but not walking. Then, once I was in her office, she

revealed the “smoking gun” that no one else has been able to find, yet. Before

my appointment yesterday I had an MRA of my upper chest, neck, and head.In the hospital, they only did an MRI, MRA and CT of my head and neck.

What she said is that I have an artery, the left ventricular artery, to my brain

that is completely blocked. Now, I know that sounds bad, but she said that in

my case it is good because it will not allow further clots to go to my brain, but

I am getting ahead of myself. Basically what happened is that sometime in the

past, when is unimportant, but somteime in the past my artery became totally

occluded. Something happened, it could be a fall, a strain, a cough or anything

that created a tear in that artery. (BTW, my headaches were caused by the tear

in the artery,not by anything else). The tear allowed blood to leave the artery

and form a clot. Something happened (it could or could not have been the mas-

sage) that allowed the clot to move into my brain and caused the stroke. The

good news is that there is less than a 10% chance of recurrence in 10 years.

The other good news is that she took me off (I will go off it over time) all the

meds from the VA. She took me off Simvastatin (Zocor) because my stroke

was not caused by a buildup of cholesterol. She also is taking me off of all the

blood pressure medications because my blood pressure was only 108/54 at the

appointment and she said it was too low. (Incidentally, she thinks that I passed

out more from low blood pressure than anything else because I was bleeding

in my leg and I only have one ventricular artery to feed my brain with blood).

Basically she wants my blood pressure top number to stay between 120 and

130 because I only have one artery feeding my brain and she wants my heart

to pump hard enough to feed my brain constantly. (Right now it stays between115 and 120). Overall, it was a GREAT appointment, she does not think I

have to worry about a reoccurence of my stroke, she took me off all the VA



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meds (I am on 81mg of aspirin and Folic acid as a preventive, but that is over-

the -counter). The ONLY restriction I have (it is more precautionary than

anything else) is that I cannot do anymore “Thrill Rides” at an amusementpark, I cannot do any slides at a waterpark, I cannot ride horseback...basically

I cannot do anything that might manipulate my neck. Of course, how often

do I do those things...maybe once a year! So, unless somethin else happens, IF

(and I do not want one) I hae another stroke, she waid that it will not likely be

related to this one...it sounds like this is one and done.

THURSDAY, MARCH 12, 2009

I have not posted in a few days...Ok, so I know that I have not posted

in a few days. It has not been an oversight, I have just not had anything

to write. However, tomorrow is another big day. I have an interview with

KCWN in Pella about my stroke. I have spent the last few days just looking

over the emails and the prayer requests for me. I have also looked at the sur-

geon’s report. I guess the best thing to say is that my situation was pretty

grave. The surgeon that did my surgery said in his notes that surgery would

MAYBE save my life, but it would not erase the deficiencies from the stroke.

He told my wife that I might not ever be the same. Truthfully, he told my

wife that I might not survive the surgery, but without the surgery I would

certainly die from the swelling.

All I know for sure is that no one, no Dr. has anticipated me being

this far this soon. They said that I MIGHT get back some of my capacity

back over time, but NOT NOW. That is one thing I have a perfect score on:

EVERY Dr. said that I should have a recovery time of 6 months or more.

I know it is overused, but only God knows why I was back in the pulpit in

less than 2 months. I give all the credit first to God for every step I take,

and second to the surgeon that did the surgery, because he had never done

a surgery like mine before. I can only guess how he felt doing a surgery for

the first time, and it was on ME.

I may not have all the answers, but I know the person that has all theanswers and one day I will get to see him face to face and ask Him why He

spared my life.




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WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18, 2009

One thing that will probably not go away for a long time...I don’t knowwhat to write this morning. In truth, my situation has changed, and because

of that everything has to change. But, at the same time, I HATE being

treated like I am a stroke survivor. By this, I mean that every time I have

borderline blood pressure, every time I have shortness of breath, every time

I have some sort of pain, and every time I don’t feel “right” people think

I might be having another stroke, or worse. Never mind that the stroke

specialist has already told me that this will probably “never happen again”.Never mind the fact that I can do other things generally well. It seems

as though everything is being filtered by that one event. Now, I can deal

with it. I am not going into a depression, I am not feeling worthless, it just

annoys me. Maybe it shouldn’t. Maybe I should just be grateful that people

really care about me. OK, I do and I am. But it still annoys me. What I

wonder is this: do people not trust me? I feel like EVERY situation MUST

be worse than I think, EVERY situation MUST be something more than

I am making it. No matter what I am experiencing, it is not a “normal”

experience. Interesting, if I had a cold on December 8th, no one would

think anything of a little coughing or a slight raise in blood pressure. BUT

now my blood pressure has to STAY between 120 and 139 over 70 and 89.

Regardless of whether I have a cold or not; regardless of if I feel bad or

not. It is a little frustrating. I know, I know...it is only because people don’t

want a repeat of what happened. Granted. But, what happened to me is, by

every Dr. estimate, a fluke. It was not caused by anything I did or did not do.

It was caused by a collapsed artery in my chest, a tear, and a clot that went

to my brain. My BP had NOTHING to do with my first stroke...Sorry, I just

had to vent a little frustation.

SUNDAY, APRIL 5, 2009

I have had many occurrences of this...I guess it was the first time Ihad been “caught” this week at my office. I was in my Office Administra-

tors office when I simply wiped my mouth. She said, quite astonished, “Are

you drooling?” I answered, a little sheepishly “Yes”. The truth is I have



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had about one or two times a week of drooling. The nearest I can tell, it is

because my muscles in my mouth are not fully recovered and strengthened

from the stroke and sometimes it allows drool to leak out. I have gotten usedto it, but, like I said, I got caught the other day. It is something I will have

to live with until my mouth is strengthened, maybe for the rest of my life.

It is not a big deal...it is just a little bit and I simply wipe my mouth. What

brought it to my attention today is that I had to wipe my mouth while I

was preaching today. I told my wife that I might have to start carrying a

handkerchief with me...

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15, 2009

Okay, today was a good day for me...I know that when you are writing

a blog about all the struggles and/or triumphs of recovering froma stroke,

you are supposed to write about big stuff: Dr. appointments, handicapped

parking, fishing licenses, riding bikes, etc. You know, big stuff. Today was

big, but for a little reason. I mowed the grass today. Now, on the surface that

seems like a small thing, and it probably is. But, when you realize all that

I have been through, it was a real boost to my morale to be able to mow

the grass without having to stop, without being REALLY tired afterward,

basically, I mowed the grass like I did before. When I think about all the

obstacles that I could be facing and all the roadblocks that many people

face, being able to do anything is big, but mowing the grass, because it is

a relatively menial task, takes on a bigger sense to me. I really feel normal:

not that mowing the grass made me normal again, because I cannot erase

what happened to me, but it made me FEEL normal again, and for that I am

thankful and I really had a good day.





CHAPTER 11

My new life

At this point, having gained some insight into the ways in which the stroke

has affected me personally and having glimpsed some of the changes that my

family has had to make, I will change my focus to my new life. I will only include

those blog posts which pertain to my new life.

THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2009

I am getting used to my new lifestyle...I met with my deacons the other

night, as well as the Administrative Board of my church. I have to say that

they were very supportive. They are advocating me taking the morning off

on Monday’s and then every afternoon off for awhile. They are also in favor

of me having my Associate Pastor preach for me once a month if I need him

to. It is still hard to adjust. I started my new schedule this week, and I do

admit that I feel better, but the emotional is still hard to come to grips with,

even though the physical is better. Tomorrow I will go to my first Iowa

Baptist Conference meeting since my stroke. I am going on Friday night be-

cause the conference recorded a video of my testimony and they will showit Friday night. I am excited about that. I will be excited to get back to

“normal”. I am really trying hard to be “normal”, maybe “normal” will just




92

come naturally if I just relax a little. It is just hard to relax, knowing what I

have been through and what lies ahead. I will just try to take every day, and

if I struggle, then I struggle. I will try not to allow each struggle to effectthe next day so much.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27, 2009

I am struggling with my BP...Well, they are adjusting my BP medicine

again. I appreciate the fact they want to minimize how many I take, but it is

a little irritating to have a normal BP (130/80 is normal), and now I haveBP readings that are all over the board. In the morning it is normal, and

then it ranges from normal, to really high (165/105) at night. I have another

appointment on Friday to follow up with the Dr. to try to give me a more

normal BP. For the time, I am only on 20 mg of Lisinopril. I used to be on

20 mg of Lisinopril and 5 mg of Amlodipine. Since they took away the

Amlodipine, my BP has been crazy. I don’t know if the BP is normal while

I adjust to the medications, or if I need to be on Amlodipine. The problem

is that I want to self-medicate and just take the Amlodipine. The problem is

that it may not be the best for me. I guess that I will have to wait until Friday

to find out what I will be taking. I know, patience, patience, patience!

FRIDAY, JUNE 12, 2009

I am having a new problem...You know, I told my wife last night that

for the last 6 months I have been one big ball of pain. For the last 10 days or

so, my back has been hurting. Not like I pulled a muscle or worked too hard,

but I feel like my actual bones hurt. So, I am going to VA again today. The

good thing is that this will be the first visit to the VA for a non-stroke visit

in 5 1/2 months. The bad thing is, my back is really bothering me. It does

not always hurt, but I fell it is more an aggravation. I hope it is just from

working too hard and not the sign of another problem. I have had all the

problems I can take for awhile.My cold seems to be subsiding a little, finally. I told some people in my

church that I used to get a cold, be run-down for 3 or 4 days, and then be



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back, somewhat, to normal. But, now I have had this cold since the 31st of

May. I just cannot seem to get better. I feel some better, then at night I get

all congested and cough-y. This is unusual for me...I usually get better in afew days, not a few weeks.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, 2009

I got the results of my scans...Before I begin, I think it is important to

remind people that sometimes even the Dr. make mistakes. When I went for

my MRA yesterday, they were going to do 2 tests: one MRI on my head, andan MRA on the vessels in my head. Dr. Davis had ordered an MRA of the

vessels in my chest, too, to make sure the artery in my chest is not making

its own bypass. Well, when I told them about the MRA of my chest, they

said they would have to call because they did not have paperwork on it. Sure

enough, they were supposed to be doing a chest MRA, so they wound up

doing 3 tests instead of 2.

And the results are..................I am doing very well. Dr. Benjamin said

my MRI looked GREAT; no changes, which is good. My MRA’s show that

the artery in my chest is NOT forming its own bypass, meaning that the

artery is totally occluded - that is, if a blood clot goes to my brain again, it

won’t be through that artery.

Really, I don’t know that I could have had better test results. The

strokes are still there, obviously, but there is nothing new to report. Overall,

it was a really good visit.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2009

I had another follow up with Physical Therapy today…I have been

having some problems with weakness in my left leg lately. It bothered me,

a little, and I decided to go to the Dr. He gave me a consult to Physical

Therapy. They told me a couple things; one I already knew, but feared and

the second I anticipated but did not know for sure. The thing I already knewwas that the muscles in my legs are strong and fine. There is no deficiency

in the strength of my legs. What I feared was that the problem is really a




94

neurological problem, balance issue and not a strength issue. Where this

can be a problem is that this “problem” probably will not get better but will,

over time, get worse. That was no surprise; what was a surprise was thatthere are exercises I can do that can “hopefully” teach me to regain balance.

In other words, the nerves probably will not get better, I can just relearn

how to do certain things. The weakness is not, in truth, weakness; it is a

balance issue. So, I have some more exercises to do over time that will hope-

fully re-teach myself how to do some things. I will keep you posted on how

things go.


This is getting repetitively redundant...I know that it has been awhile

since I last posted...in fact, it was quite awhile before Christmas. Several

significant events have transpired since my last post...I celebrated the one

year anniversary of the day I was released from the ICU, I celebrated the 1

year anniversary of the day I was released from Methodist Medical Center,

I celebrated the 1 year anniversary of my release from the VA, and I cel-

ebrated the 1 year anniversary of my return to the church; in short (I know,

too late), this has been a busy time.

Perhaps most significant has been my MRI in Des Moines. This MRI

was done off the VA campus and it was the first MRI conducted by someone

other than the VA. When the MRI tech finished the first set of pictures, she

came on the intercom and asked how long ago my stroke was. When I an-

swered it was 12 months ago, she just said, “Huh...” and that was all she said.

I worried for the next 2 weeks about what that “Huh” meant. On January

22, I had another follow up with my neurologist and she said that probably

it was because of what my scans showed...at leas 75% of my cerebellum is

either gone, dead or not functioning. In addition, there are 2 relatively large

infarctions in my brain stem. In short, the MRI tech probably cannot believe

that someone with that scan is walking into the office. What it says to me

is that my recovery is truly miraculous...not just that the VA neurologistshave never seen a recovery like this, but no one has ever seen a recovery like

this. It is very humbling to think that the Lord has seen fit to bestow this



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recovery on me...He has allowed me to share my experiences with my fellow

classmates on Liberty. edu, He has allowed me to share my experiences with

my church; He has allowed me to share my experiences with my fellow pas-tors and their churches.

So, what does this mean for me? I really don’t know. I still worry each

day that my ability to overcome my situation will come to a screeching halt;

that does not seem very likely but it is a constant concern. I would be lying

if I said that I did not worry every time I walk on the ice, or get up in the

middle of the night. But, for right now, I am simply trusting the Lord to

give me the abilities to follow Him every day.


Someone reminded me of something very important today...After

reading my blog post from yesterday (i.e. me complaining about my wait at

the VA), someone made a very simple and yet profound statement to another

person about me. The comment was, “Listen to the dead guy complaining

about the wait at the VA”. I do have to remember that the worst wait is

just an inconvenience; it is small in comparison to the alternative - DEAD.

Thanks for putting up with me whining about my wait and please don’t

hesitate to remind me to be thankful for all the blessings that I have...this

winter, although it is seemingly endless, is just a nuisance; the car-line at

school, even though some people don’t know how to drive, are just irrita-

tions. In truth, anything above ground is very good. Thank you, God, for

every day that I am alive.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2010

Heading to my TBI appointment today…I have been referred to the

TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) appointment today. I have had some problems

lately with “jumpiness” in my left eye and have had balance issues (more

than usual) lately. Last week (either Tuesday or Wednesday) I stood up andthen fell back into my chair. This is not the first time it has happened, but I

have just learned how to deal with it. Also, last weekend (October 2) I lost




96

my balance carrying groceries in from the truck. I wound up on the ground

for a second. I did not hurt myself at all, but I did lose my balance. I do not

have balance problems on a regular basis, but it is foolishness on my part tobelieve that the balance issues do not exist. The other day, perhaps 3 months

ago, I lost my balance in church while I was preaching and had to steady

myself on one of the edges of the staircase. Apparently I did a good job of

disguising it, because no one seemed to notice; but that does happen from

time to time. Again, these are just things that I deal with and most people do

not seem to notice.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2010

After a short visit to the ER, here is what I found...I found out some-

thing that I had already known; that is, that the jumpiness in my eyes and the

uncontrolled blood pressure is in reality a side effect of the initial stroke. Be-

cause my stroke affected my brain stem, as I get tired my brain no longer has

the ability to compensate for my weakness. Although the Dr. did say that it

is theoretically possible that I am having a new round of TIAs, it not really

a viable possibility because I do not have any other symptoms: headache,

dizziness and nausea. The only “symptom” I have of a TIA is blood pressure

that goes relatively quickly from normal (130/85) to very low (115/65) to

very high (176/104). (By quickly, I mean in a matter of days, not hours). So,

he told me what I already know: the best treatment is to get more rest, relax

and give my body time to completely relax when I have “down time”.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2010

Sometimes I forget how others are effected...Today I ran into my

daughter’s 4th grade teacher. As we were chatting, she told me that she was

grading a recent test and one of the answers made her cry. In Social Studies,

they are talking about planning events and how it might not happen exactly

as was planned. On the test, the question asked was “Name a time that youplanned something that did not happen the way you expected.” My daughter

wrote that she had been planning a birthday party, but then her daddy had



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a stroke so it did not happen. I almost fell apart at the school; I have spent

so much time focusing on my own difficulties that I did not take the time

to think how others are still dealing with the situation. Yes, it was nearly 2years ago, but that does not erase the difficulties that some have had dealing

with the result of that event. So, thanks Mrs. Kamp for reminding me that,

even though I sometimes do not hear about those difficulties, it does not

mean they do not exist.

***I continue to struggle, but I am doing better all the time. My Blood

Pressure continues to be a work in progress, but the TBI clinic just thinks

that, since the stroke effected my brain stem and the PONS area of mybrain, it will be very difficult to keep in regulated all the time. As has been

the story for the last 2+ years, I am simply thankful for the time the Lord

has given me with my kids, with the church and with my wife. For those of

you that have been regularly praying for me, thank you. I really do appreci-

ate it.***





APPENDIX 1

Doctor notes

ADMISSION DATE: 12/10/2008

CHIEF COMPLAINT: Bilateral cerebellar infarction

HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: The patient was sent over emergently

from the VA by the neurologist. He apparently a couple weeks ago had a cold

and was treating himself with cold symptom medications. There is also one

report that he had undergone chiropractic manipulation but apparently talk-

ing with family it was not a chiropractor it was just a massage therapist and

there was really no substantial manipulation of his neck. Regardless, two

nights ago he said he really did not feel well at all and went to bed. He woke

up at 4:00 in the morning and had significant vertigo, headache and nausea

and vomiting so they did ultimately take him into the emergency room. A

head computerized axial tomography scan at that time was negative. They

did do a lumbar puncture to make sure he did not have any signs or symptoms

of infection given he history of cold symptoms which apparently by report

was negative. He was sent to the VA for further evaluation. Subsequentlyhe has been diagnosed with cerebellar infarctions based on computerized

axial tomography scans and magnetic resonance imaging scans that were




100

performed and fortunately these are bilateral and they appear to involve the

pica distribution. However the concerning things is apparently the patient

yesterday was wide awake and lucid and today progressively over the dayhas become significantly more lethargic and developed bilateral extraocular

motility defects. Because of this, they obtained a scan which shows early

hydrocephalus as well as significant posterior fossa swelling.

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION

GENERAL: He is a very lethargic patient that will arouse with stimulation.He will answer a few questions with simple yes and no answers but it sounds

like he has significantly gone downhill even over the last several hours.

NEUROLOGIC: He has extraocular motility that is very hard to charac-

terize but I do think it looks like interocular ophthalmoplegia or perhaps

polycranial nerve involvement but clearly abnormal. His pupils are small

and remain perhaps minimally reactive. He does seem to have diminished

gag response. He does move his extremities but it is hard to get a detailedexamination but Babinski is present bilaterally on exam. Gait and station

were not tested.

CARDIOVASCULAR: Regular rate and rhythm.

LUNGS: Appear to be clear but the breath sound are somewhat diminished

IMPRESSION: This gentleman has the above mentioned problems. I havehad a chance to look at the films. I have reviewed them with our radiologist.

Initially the films were not available but they did finally show up from the

VA. In the interim, since we really did not know exactly what was going

on we did get a computerized axial tomography scan so we have been able

to compare this. It looks like he has got fairly extensive pica infarcts of the

bilateral cerebellar hemispheres. Because of this, I think we will plan doing

a midline decompression in light of his deterioration where we will try to

do stroke resection bilaterally and patch the dura as best we can to give it

room for swelling. The patient also probably would benefit from an external



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ventricular drain at least in the short-term given the significant problem

that he has. I was fairly frank with the family that obviously surgery is not

going to change his overall course with respect to the stroke. He will stillhave deficits from this even if he does survive. What surgery is is an attempt

at saving his life because of the progressive swelling that he has developed

and an the anticipation that this is heading downhill fast enough that he will

die from the brain stem compression. They do understand that the stroke

still may progress and he may be significantly disabled or even die despite

doing surgery that surgery does have risks of infection, cerebrospinal fluid

leakage that might require pseudomeningocele repair at a later date particu-larly since we may not be able to get watertight dura closure if there is sig-

nificant swelling. We also did discuss the risk of intracranial hemorrhage,

infection and they wished to proceed with surgical intervention.

John G. Piper, M.D.

CT HEAD WO CONTRAST

INDICATION: History of bilateral cerebellar infarcts

COMPARISON: There is no previous imaging for comparison

TECHNIQUE: 5 mm images of the brain were performed without intrave-

nous contrast administration

FINDINGS: There are areas of decreased attenuation identified in the cer-

ebellar hemispheres bilaterally. This may represent bilateral PICA infarcts.

Other etiologies for vasogenic edema cannot be excluded. The previous

imagining on this patient is not available for comparison. There is compro-

mise of the fourth ventricle. Mild hydrocephalus is consistent with mass

effect.

IMPRESSION: There are areas of decreased attenuation within the cer-ebellar hemispheres bilaterally. By history, these represent areas of infarc-




102

tions on the previous MRI examination. That examination is not available

for comparison.

CT HEAD WO CONTRAST: CRANIOTOMY FOLLOW-UP

FINDINGS: Head CT without contrast: a ventricular shunt catheter enters

the right frontal region. Its tip projects near the midline in the right lateral

ventricle. The ventricles are within normal limits in size. There is no evi-

dence of focal cerebral abnormality or hemorrhage. Postoperative changes

present in the posterior fossa. Regions of increased density and air bubbles

are present centrally within both cerebellar hemispheres. The occipital cra-

niectomy has been performed.

IMPRESSION: Postoperative Change. Apparent bilateral cerebellar resec-

tion sites are present. Air bubbles are present at both sites.



APPENDIX 2

The diagnoses from

various doctor visits

12/12/08 MRI of the brain and skull reported craniectomy changes of the

posterior fossa; extensive areas of infarction of the cerebellar hemispheres

in the PICA distribution as well as the pons and middle cerebellar pend-

uncles.

4/23/09 VA neurology note: noted to have mild nystagmus on lateral gaze

and mild 6th cranial nerve palsy with slight left facial droop.

1/6/11 DIAGNOSES: Stroke, affecting the bilateral cerebellum and pons,

due to dissected vertebral artery, with the residuals of: fatiguing, mild dys-

phagia, mild aphasia, left hemiparesis with mild weakness and fatiguing and

lack of endurance of left extremities, episodic tremors, episodic dizziness,

headache from occipital muscle tension headaches, intermittent tinnitus. Al-

though there is no evidence of damage to cranial nerve VI nor VII per se;

the veteran has had damage to the pons, the area where the cranial nerves

originate, the dizziness and tinnitus are consistent with inappropriate pro-

cessing of signal coming from the labyrinth and cochlea along CN VIII to

the areas of the brain damaged in the strokes.





APPENDIX 3

“I am in the middle of a crisis, what now?”

M

any times tragedies come into the lives of people who don’t know

how to respond properly. Questions swirl in their minds: Why me?

Why now? Why this? What do I do? Where can I go? Who can I talk to?

Please understand, first, that these questions are perfectly normal. It seems

popular to say that those questions are not helpful; although it might be true

that they are not, they are natural. There are just a few suggestions that I

can give, based upon my experiences.

First, know that our circumstances do not change God’s character. He

is still good, regardless of what might be happening to us. The one thing I

tried to communicate to my family was this: even if things do not work out

well for me, God is still good; regardless of what happens to me it does not

change God’s character.

Second, I would make this suggestion: never give up, never let your

situation dictate what you do. When I was in therapy, Liz, my physical

therapist, asked me if I needed a break. My response was simple: I have

twenty-three hours to rest; I will not take a break now. I had to trust that

my therapist knew what she was doing and would not do anything to hurtme, but would do everything to help me. If I have learned any one thing

from my circumstance it would be this: my best is ALWAYS good enough,




106

regardless of how bad it might seem to me; LESS than my best is NEVER

good enough, regardless of how good it might seem to me.

Third, I would suggest this: learn to talk TO your shepherd. In Psalm23, the psalm is, really, divided into two sections. In the first three verses,

David, the psalmist, talks ABOUT his shepherd:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie

down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He

restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his

name’s sake.

He spent the majority of his time speaking ABOUT his shepherd. But,when he went through a great trial, he spoke TO his shepherd:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will

fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort

me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness

and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in

the house of the LORD for ever.Did you notice that he changed his focus? He spoke TO the shepherd.

When you are in the midst of a trial, please know that you can speak TO

your shepherd.

Finally, I would always remember the words from Psalm 3:5: “I laid

me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me.” Seldom did I

reflect upon those words and rely on them as sincerely as in the days follow-

ing my stroke and during my hospitalization. I had to know that it was the

Lord who sustained me; my own strength was not sufficient to provide any

miracle. Whatever happened to me was always perfect; not because it was

inherently good, but because God did it and that meant it was good, even if

it did not seem so to me and my family.



APPENDIX 4

Laura’s thoughts

I really thought it would be a nice addition for you to read what my wife was

thinking and what she was going through during this time. As I have said, those

days are quite fuzzy and I do not have a good assessment of what happened. For

instance, I do not remember having conversations with anyone from mid-afternoon

December 8, until about December 18, but my wife tells me that I did. So, here are

her thoughts, in her words, about that period of time.

“December 8, 2008, marks the beginning of life as I now know it…

that day started out as any other day…the kids went to school, my

husband had the day off and I went to work and the day progressed as usual.

When my husband picked me up for lunch, he told me he still wasn’t feeling

‘up to par.’ He’d been suffering from a cold for three weeks or so. We chatted

over lunch and went back to work.That evening I did not get off work until 6:30; Jim picked me up from

work and we went to Hardee’s for supper. We visited while we ate and then

we went to Wal-Mart. Jim had been talking to one of the ladies from our

church, but then we left and went to pick up our girls from dance class.

Jim called his dad to wish him a happy birthday; while speaking with

his brother I heard Jim say that he still wasn’t feeling very well. From there

we went home and Jim went to lie down on the bed. I cleaned up in thekitchen, got the girls ready for bed, and then I went in to check on Jim. I

had him get up and take out his contacts. On his way back to the bed he




108

stumbled some, but when he laid down and closed his eyes he said he felt

better. As long as he kept his eyes closed he wasn’t dizzy. I thought maybe

he had vertigo. We both fell asleep and I awoke again at 4 a.m. to the soundsof Jim stumbling and banging into the walls trying to get to the bathroom.

I got up and helped him in the bathroom and then helped him back to the

bed. He told me his head hurt and the room was spinning when he had his

eyes opened. I called our local emergency department. They recommended

we wait until 8:00 a.m. and contact Jim’s primary care doctor.

I got off the phone and told Jim what they had suggested. Now he was

shifting side to side holding each side of his head. I decided to call anotherarea emergency department. This time they had me call the 24-hour nurse

help line. I spoke with the nurse first and then she asked if Jim could speak

with her. He did talk with the nurse for what I believe was probably fifteen

minutes or more. He was lucid and his speech was not slurred. She recom-

mended we go to our local emergency room. When I helped Jim sit up to

get his sweatshirt on he began to vomit. I helped him to the bathroom and

got him cleaned up. I went downstairs to wake up our sixteen-year-old sonto help me get his dad into our vehicle.

When we arrived at the emergency room, Jim’s blood pressure was

167/109. He was nauseated and had a headache. They took some blood for

lab work and gave him medication for the nausea and pain. As the medi-

cations took effect Jim was relaxed and chatty. Several members of our

congregation came up and Jim visited with them all. The doctor ordered

a spinal tap because she believed Jim was suffering from spinal meningitis.

I signed the form to allow the procedure. (I later was to learn that when

you are stroking in that area of your brain performing a spinal tap creates

a sort of vacuum and can cause instantaneous death.) The spinal tap came

back negative. Because Jim is a veteran, arrangements were made to transfer

him to the VA hospital in Des Moines. When I reached the hospital Jim

was comfortably situated in the emergency room. He was coherent, joking

around, and feeling pretty well. The doctor said they would admit Jim for

hypertension and a stomach virus. He would most likely be discharged the

following day and sent home with blood pressure medications.

Friends from church and I went out to lunch after Jim was settled in



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his room. When I returned from lunch Jim was very sleepy. The nurse said

it was the effect of the medication. I plugged in his cell phone and told him I

was going home to get the kids and I would call him once I got there. I gavehim a kiss and went home. I picked up our kids from a friend’s house. We

had no school that day due to an ice storm so the kids had enjoyed a very fun

day with friends. I went to Wal-Mart, put gas in the vehicle, took the kids

to McDonald’s, and called Jim. He told me he was feeling better but now his

blood pressure was 200/50. I asked him to please call for a nurse right away.

We got off the phone. My daughter wanted to talk with her daddy so

I called him again. No answer. We tried several more times. No success. Igot home and looked up the VA phone number on the internet and was con-

nected with a nurse at the nursing station; she told me the doctor was trying

to reach me. I was beginning to get very anxious. The doctor called me back

a short time later. He told me Jim was experiencing left-sided numbness and

weakness and his blood pressure was spiking. They did another CT scan.

(The first CT scan had been done at our local ER and had been negative.)

The doctor told me this scan looked normal to him as well but he was send-

ing it off to an internet radiologist to confirm.

Our associate pastor picked me up and drove me to Des Moines for

which I will forever be grateful. He talked with me and kept my mind off of

fearing the worst. When we arrived Jim had been moved to a private room

because he had again vomited. He was very, very lethargic. He would answer

questions when we talked with him but he didn’t initiate conversation. His

blood pressure was normal at this point. Our associate pastor left around

2:30 a.m. I believe. Jim needed assistance to use the restroom so I called the

nurse. They ended up inserting a catheter.

By 8:00 the next morning Jim was again experiencing weakness and

numbness on the left side, double vision, and very slurred speech. The doctor

came in and said he was going to put in a consult with the neurologist.

Fortunately, the neurologist came in around 11:30, I believe. She opened one

of Jim’s eyes and said, “Oh no.” She opened his other eye and said that Jim

needed a scan right now. He was scheduled for a MRI at another hospital at3:45 that afternoon. She said he could not wait for that. They immediately

took Jim down for another CT scan and an MRI. After the CT scan the neu-




110

rologist, Dr. Benjamin, came to the waiting area and took me to her office.

On the way up to her office she asked me if Jim had suffered any trauma to

the back of his head. I told her he had not. She took me into her office alongwith another staff member and had me sit down. She told me that even

without waiting for the MRI results she knew exactly what was happening

with Jim. He was stroking on both sides of his cerebellum and his brain

stem. She said that the swelling would eventually compress the brain stem

to the point Jim would slip into a coma and die. I asked her, ‘Is there any

hope?’ She told me they could try to do a procedure to relieve the swelling.

She called it a ‘decompressive craniotomy.’ She told me that normally theprocess would be that they would send the patient to the VA hospital in

Iowa City where the neurosurgeons are located but in Jim’s case he wouldn’t

survive the trip. She asked what hospital in Des Moines I would like him to

go to and I left that to her discretion.

She then asked me if there was anyone she could call for me…my

mom, maybe? I shared with her that my mom had passed away five weeks

earlier. I did ask her if she would call Jim’s parents and explain the situation

to them. That’s another thing I’m forever grateful for. My heart was break-

ing and I just didn’t want to be the one to deliver that kind of news to his

parents. I left her office and remember going into a bathroom. I locked the

door and laid on the floor. I remember thinking of all the times in scripture

that God performed a miracle for His people. I remembered doing the Bible

study by Beth Moore, ‘Believing God.’ I called out to God and told him that

I KNOW He is the God of miracles and I know He can spare Jim’s life IF

He chooses to. I begged Him to save Jim’s life.

I then went to Jim’s room. I saw the cup of ice I had been using to wet

his parched lips. I remember crying and wondering if that would be the last

act of love I’d ever do for him. Our associate pastor arrived in the room with

me and hugged me while I asked him what on earth I would tell our kids.

He and the nursing staff helped me gather up our belongings and we went

down to wait with Jim for the ambulance that would take him to Methodist

Hospital. I was allowed to ride in the ambulance to the hospital with Jim.When we arrived, and when they took him out of the ambulance, he said his

head hurt. They took him into a trauma room and immediately he was given



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attention. They performed another CT and then the doctor came in to speak

with me.

By now quite a few people from church had arrived and two of myco-workers had picked up our children and were on their way up to the

hospital. The doctor told me that the damage from the strokes was very

extensive. The only hope of survival was to do the surgery the neurologist

recommended. He also told me that surgery was only an attempt to save

his life but it would not diminish the affects of the stroke. I don’t think I

understood exactly what he was telling me at that time. I didn’t realize then

that if Jim survived he would most likely be like an infant, able to take ininformation but unable to communicate, walk, talk, feed himself, etc. I know

Jim wouldn’t want to live like that. I told the doctor to go ahead with the

surgery.

Then our children arrived. I knelt down and drew them close to me.

I told them that God loves their daddy even more than we do. I told them

daddy had an injury in his head and he was bleeding internally. I told them

the doctor was going to do surgery but daddy might be going to Heaven

today. I told them that daddy would want us to remember that God is good

all the time. No matter what is going on in our life, God is still good. Bad

things that happen in our lives do not change God’s character. We all cried

together.

Then came the time to take Jim into surgery. The staff directed ev-

eryone else to the waiting area and the nurse who was transporting Jim had

the girls and me follow her. She took us into a room and pulled up a chair

so our youngest daughter, Madelyn, could stand on the chair to reach her

daddy’s face to tell him she loved him. Our oldest daughter, Shaylee, dripped

tears on her daddy’s face and gown as she told him how much she loved

him. I watched as our oldest child, Brendan, stroked his dad’s face and told

him how much he loved him. Then I got close to Jim and kissed him and

told him how much I loved him…how much we all loved and needed him.

I looked over then at the nurse and she had tears streaming down her face.

She asked what his profession was. I told her he was a pastor. She asked if she could quick contact her church and have him put on their prayer chain.

I absolutely agreed to that! I was thankful that God had provided men and




112

women of faith to surround Jim at this time.

We left that little room and the nurse took Jim one direction and we

went the other. I took our kids into the waiting area that was filled with somany of our friends from two different churches we had served. I was so

thankful because I knew all the prayers that were going up on Jim’s behalf.

We waited four and one-half hours and then the surgeon came out and told

us that things had gone very well. He said that when he began removing

as much dead/damaged tissue as he could Jim’s brain receded back into the

cavity and began to pulse normally. He said that was a very good sign. He

made it clear to me that we were on step 1 of 100 but if he could have chosenhow he wanted this first step to go it went perfectly.

Now you know how it all started from my perspective. Jim and I will be

celebrating our 20th anniversary this year. I am so thankful that God joined

us together in this crazy partnership called marriage and that He chose to

heal Jim and give us more time together here on this earth. At the time of

his stroke Jim was thirty-eight years old, I was thirty-five, Brendan was six-

teen, Shaylee was ten, and Madelyn was seven. This ‘event’ seemingly came

out of nowhere. Nothing could have prepared any of us for this. However, I

can say with certainty that God carried us through. All of us. Life now truly

is different. Nothing will ever be the same as it was before his stroke. I can

honestly say that some things are better. I have a greater appreciation for

life. I have a deeper understanding that life is fragile and fleeting. It is not to

be taken for granted. It is a most precious gift from God. Each time one of

my girls crawls up on my husband’s lap I feel myself ‘clouding up to rain.’

So full of gratitude that their daddy is still here to hold them when they are

happy, when they are sad, when they are hurting. Each time Brendan calls

and talks with his dad to get his advice and share an inside joke my heart just

melts. Each time Jim and I take a walk together or watch a movie or watch

our kids having fun I am reminded again of how much God has blessed us.

He is a great God. He is faithful. I would NEVER have chosen for Jim to go

through what he’s gone through but I believe God has a plan for each of us

and even though the path He takes us on is difficult He doesn’t leave us totravel it alone. My family and I were surrounded by God’s wonderful people

and we were the recipients of their generosity. They willingly gave of their



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time and their finances. They shared our grief and our joys. I thank God

for His faithfulness to us and the faithfulness of His people. I don’t know

why God spared Jim’s life and yet we’ve begged God to spare the lives of others in the past and His answer has been no. I am learning that God is

God and I am not. I don’t have to understand His decisions. I just need to

trust Him, to lean on Him. I believe that His plans for Jim, me, Brendan,

Shaylee and Maddy are good plans. I trust Him when He says He will work

all things together for good…however, not ALL THINGS are good. As we

move forward our prayer and hope is that God will use what He’s done in

Jim’s life to bring Him glory and to touch people who’ve been hurt, who’velost loved ones, who might be filled with bitterness and anger towards God.

Jim says on a regular basis from the pulpit, God is good no matter what your

circumstances are…and he believes it.”





APPENDIX 5

Requests for prayers

The following are a series of emails that were sent from the Iowa Baptist

Conference office to the churches in Iowa, recording their thoughts on my surgery

and recovery.

December 10, 2008

Dear IBC Pastors & Friends,

Pastor Jim Mead of Knoxville has been hospitalized at Methodist Hospital

in Des Moines and was rushed into emergency surgery Weds. 12-10-08 at

4 pm. Jim has had a series of strokes and is in serious condition. Surgeryif possible is 50/50. Please be in prayer for Jim and Laura and their family.

Please do not call Laura. She is in contact with the church family and close

friends are with her. We will update this as soon as we know anything.

Pastor Mike Fendley, Stratford FBC




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December 11, 2008, 9:30 am

To All Who Prayed!The effect of our prayers is so powerful. It is the God of all creation who

hears our prayers. He listens with compassion and mercy to the cries of

our hearts... and responds perfectly to the love He hears expressed by His

people for one another. Laura Mead told me last night that following the

insertion of the shunts, the surgeon reported, “We have a long way to go.

But if you could choose how each step were to go along the way, this first

step has gone as well as anyone would have wanted it to go!” This is notover. Jim will remain sedated and on a ventilator for several days... facing

“damage” unknown to us... but fully known to God... and within His deepest

healing touch. He is not finished yet. He still wants to hear from us. And

so we continue to cry out for mercy and grace. Keep praying. I will be

heading to Methodist hospital (Des Moines) this morning... and will report

what I learn.

Skip Hansen,

Director of Transition

December 12, 2008,11:30 am

To All Who are Praying!

...waiting day-by-day and hour-by-hour for those small improvements

which demonstrate the healing power of an awesome God... even hidden

deep within the individual cells of a human brain. Jim started running a

fever late yesterday... and perhaps seems weaker. And yet, He opens his eyes

when someone speaks... and he can grip the appropriate hand when asked to

do so. He even raised his hand in welcome to a friend! In prayer... let’s offer

up to the God the glory we can/will give HIM for what He mercifully does

with this young man’s life!

Skip Hansen




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December 15, 2008, morning report

To All Who are Praying!

You won’t believe it! He’s standing upright... but only for several seconds.

Talking... but a bit garbled to the listener. Eating... through a nasal tube?!

Yummy! Knows the right year... at least most of the time. “Spacey”... but

not all the time! Getting somewhat stronger... but too weak to notice the

difference. And weaker... because of all the effort! It is a mixed report of

wonder and awe at the good grace of God!A recent conversation between the doctor and Laura went something like

this: Laura... “How is Jim really doing? Is he on the normal track (time-

wise) for recovery?” The doctor responded... “We are way beyond all that.

We are into the miraculous.”

Medical Prognosis: The doctors are now saying the journey will be long,

but they see potential for a full recovery! Now THAT’s good news... or shall

I say God News! Yes, I shall!

Skip Hansen








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Living the Life of a Miracle