FWM 2011 03 and 04

� March & April �011 familyworks.org

March & April, 2011

APPLE FamilyWorks® 4 Joseph Court, San Rafael, CA 94903 email: [email protected]

Sponsorship Information: Doug Silberstein Phone: (415) 492-1022 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: [email protected]

Editorial Information: Lew Tremaine Phone: (415) 492-0720 x231 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: [email protected]

Circulation: This major family magazine is published bi-monthly and widely distributed FREE throughout Marin and Sonoma Coun-ties: through home deliveries, distribution to over 200 community locations - stores, public and private schools, medical offices, hospitals, and family-related businesses – and direct mail to thousands of active participants and sponsors of FamilyWorks®. © 2010 APPLE FamilyWorks®, All rights reserved. APPLE FamilyWorks is a nonprofit agency serving families in the Bay Area. No portion of FamilyWorks Magazine may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher. Appearance of articles, editorials, author’s point of view, advertisements or announcements for products and services in FamilyWorks Magazine does not necessarily constitute an endorsement by FamilyWorks® and FamilyWorks® is not responsible for its content or the reactions of readers to its content. FamilyWorks Magazine reserves the right to refuse advertising for any reason. Unsolicited manuscripts and photographs are welcome and should e-mailed to: [email protected]

Executive Director: Mary Jane DeWolf-SmithEditor: Lew TremaineMarketing: Doug SilbersteinArt Director/Website: Christine M. AstinWeb Publisher: Art SeverePrinted by: S.F. Offset

FamilyWorks® Board of Directors:Anjana Berde, PresidentPaul Ricken, Vice PresidentMark Clark, SecretaryMaria Villani, TreasurerVicky SmirnoffLaura SchifrinRita TrumboBlake Pennington

3 Easily Green ByDonaldJaycox

4 Keeping Love Alive ByMaryJaneDeWolf-SmithMA,RN,MFT

6 Spring Cleaning ByPatriciaSaunders,MA,MFT

9 Sarcasm and Verbal Abuse ByGaryDirenfeld,LCSW

APPLE FamilyWorks 11 Parenting Programs

12Counseling Programs

13 Family Interactive Therapy

14 Support for Individuals

This seal of approval is a service mark of Independent Charities of America and is used under license.

Content is the responsibility of FamilyWorks.

awarded to

FamilyWorks Magazine is published by APPLE FamilyWorks®

15 Cool Parent/Teen Communication ByLewTremaine

18 Camp Spotlight: Marin Shakespeare Company

20 Save Money on Summer Camp

21 2011 Camp Guide

Read on-line at www.familyworks.org

March & April �011 �familyworks.org

Lemon JuiceRemoves odors and bacteria from surfaces and leaves a nice scent. Its uses include:

Dissolving soap scum and removing grease and stains from hard water.

Polishing and shining copper and brass.

Removing various stains, including those in clothing.

Scrubbing and leaving a sweet scent: Use a lemon half, with the open half dipped in salt or baking soda to scrub dishes and remove bad odors from wooden cutting boards.

VinegarLike lemon juice, vinegar works as a deodorizer and sanitizer. Contrary to popular belief, it will not give your home a harsh odor. The smell actually is there for a brief time. Its uses include:

Cleaning glass: Mixed 50%-50% with water, it prevents streaks (use a crumpled newspaper to wipe the surface afterwards).

Clearing your drains: Put about two tablespoons of baking soda down a clogged drain, followed by vinegar. Follow up with boiling or hot water.

Removing water stains from leather: 50%-50%, solution.

Preventing dandruff: rinse your hair with vinegar.

Baking SodaBaking soda is an all-purpose cleaner & deodorizer. It’s worth buying it in bulk. Its uses are:

Removing odors: Sprinkle some onto a carpet and leave for 15 minutes, then vacuum it up.

Cleaning ovens: Make a paste of baking soda & water to remove baked-on grime.

Deodorizing the refrigerator, closets, storage, etc.: Open a box of soda and place where needed.

Insect RepellentsTypical bug sprays on the market usually contain highly toxic chemi-cals, which are unsafe for your health. They get into the soil and water supply and hurt us all. Some natural repellants include:

Lavender oil, rosemary, thyme, and cloves: repels moths and flies.

Citronella, which can be found in candle form: repels mosqui-toes.

Well, that’s all for now! Thanks for reading.

By Donald JaycoxSophomore at

San Marin High School

With the growing concern of leaving a smaller footprint on the environment, we are all feeling the pressure to go green. But, it isn’t as hard as it sounds. You don’t have to change your whole life just to become green. Here are some relatively sim-ple and inexpensive ways to help the environment, without having to change much.

Cleaning ProductsHarsh chemicals can be unsafe for children, pets and animals, and you. Below are some natural cleansers and their purpose.


The honeymoon is over. Perhaps you’ve been together a few months, a few years or even lots of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will fade and you’ll start looking for ways to spark the passion. Here are a few ideas.

Keeping Love Alive

Have Fun Together! Humor can be very

intoxicating.Remember the fun times you had when you first

started dating? You laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company. There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Share jokes and cartoons - watch comedy - just laugh more!

Think about some of these options:

Collect cartoons or jokes that your partner will enjoy.

Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon.

Do something unexpected to surprise your partner.

Do a puzzle together.

Make popcorn and watch a favorite

movie.

Be a Fun and Happy Romantic

What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other? Jump-start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities that generated warm feelings.

Maybe you used to:

Eat dinner by candlelight.

Hide a love note in your partner’s lunch.

Build a fire and relax in front of it.

Take a walk in the moonlight.

Read poetry to each other in the park on a blanket.


Keeping Love Alive

Relationships don’t have to get stale – being thoughtful and creative will give you and your partner the spice you need to grow and thrive together.

Remember:

Build your relationship on trust

Know that spontaneity adds to the excitement

Believe that we each deserve to be in a healthy relationship

by Mary JaneDeWolf-Smith, RN, PHN, MA, Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistMary Jane DeWolf-Smith is a licensed Marriage &

Family Therapist specializing in couples, parenting and co-parenting concerns. She is a renowned family educator. Learn more great parenting skills in her Positive & Peaceful Parenting class. Call (415) 492-0720 to sign up or make an appointment for counseling services.

Go Back to DatingOne way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. It is always important to have regular dates that are a priority on your calendar. If you have children, this will send the message that parents have fun together and make each other a priority.

You could:

Add to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking then plans the date.

Make it more challenging -- set a budget limit for the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan a date for $40 or less.

Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first getting acquainted. Open the car door for your partner. Put on that special outfit and flirt with each other.

Do the Little ThingsThe day-to-day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times, paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important than ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that your partner will really appreciate.

You could:

Make a point to give your partner a hug and a kiss each morning before you leave and each evening when you get home.

Remember to say “please” and “thank you” on a regular basis.

Pick the chore your partner dislikes the most, and do it for him or her without being asked. Wow! What a unique idea!

Say, “I love you” often, not ust when you think it’s expected.

Be PhysicalBeing physical is an important part of relationships and takes many forms. Touch tells your partner that you care and that you enjoy being close. While sex is also an important part of closeness, it requires a level of comfort and trust that exists between sexual encounters.

Intimacy also requires spontaneity and variety so things say “lively”. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing the same way every time gets boring. Spice things up a bit and you’ll be amazed at what happens.You could:

Gently touch your partner’s arm as a way of connecting.

Give a spontaneous foot or scalp massage if you know your partner likes it.

Make a habit of holding hands when you are together.

Offer a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day.

When the two of you do move towards having sex, seduce each other a bit. Light some candles and/or take a bubble bath together.


It is springtime and, after months of rain and gloomy skies, we often become inspired to do some

organizing and cleaning. This can be an overwhelming and unpleasant endeavor – when you are doing the

work – all alone.

So here is a process APPLE FamilyWorks teaches in our Positive and Peaceful Parent Program . We call our process

“The 10 Ps” and below we will show how these can be applied to guide your children in being great helpers.

Proactive: Get Organized

Design, and/or purchase charts, stickers, marbles, spinner wheels, tickets, and coupons, to use to track task completion and as positive consequences (rewards).

Create a family task chart so everyone is involved in helping.

Identify which tasks you need completed.

Consult with the other parent on their willingness to share tasks and reinforce positive behavior.

Patient:Factor In Time

Allow plenty of time for other activities – rest, sports, homework, etc.

Expect the child to take longer to do a task than you would.

Know that there is a learning curve to doing the task well.

Possible: Set Reasonable Expectations

Research what chores your child may be capable of handling.

Modify tasks to match the child’s ability.

Break long chores into smaller pieces so kids experience success.

Label the drawers or shelves so things can be put away easily.

Praise your children when they get the task “approximately right”. They will get better with time and practice.

Principled: Be a Model

Name the key principle you are modeling when you work

with your children, e.g., it is important that we

are responsible, take care of property, share tasks,

keep our agreements.

Complete your chores with good humor.

Be kind and respectful of the child’s efforts.

Patricia Saunders, MA, MFT is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in families, parenting, and co-parenting. She is the Director of Therapeutic Programs at APPLE FamilyWorks. Call (415) 492-0720 to make an appointment for counseling services.


Playful: Keep it Interesting,

Flexible and FunChange the routine, the visuals, or possibly the rewards to add interest.

Use fun tools: a feather duster, gloves with faces on them, lively music, etc.

Surprise kids by including fun activities on their chore charts.

Make a game out of the chore. Who can do it fastest? Who can pick up more toys?

Positive: Choose Positive

Logical ConsequencesShow joy, delight, and warmth for their cooperation.

Link completion of tasks with feel-good activities, e.g., “When the dog is walked, we will play a game together.”

Age-Appropriate Responsibilities

Two - Three Four - Fivecan also:

Six - Eightcan also

Preteens can also:

Teens can also:

Help make the bed

Pick up toys and books

Take laundry to laundry room

Help feed pets

Help wipe up messes

Dust with socks on their hands

Set the table

Dust

Help out in cooking and

preparing food

Carry and put away groceries

Sort dark and light clothes

Feed pets

Vacuum and mop

Take out trash

Fold and put away laundry

Load the dish washer

Water plants

Weed garden

Wash the car

Wash dishes

Prepare simple meals

Clean the bathroom

Rake leaves

Wash clothes

Mow the lawn

Walk the dog

Replace light bulbs and vacuum

cleaner bags

Wash windows

Clean out refrigerator and other kitchen

appliances

Prepare meals

Prepare grocery lists

Baby-sit

continued on page 8


Practice: Repeat Modeling

and Explanations:Do chores along with your children and demonstrate how they are done.

Expect to repeat some chores as youngsters refine their skills.

Continue to follow the 10 “P’s” and cycle back to an earlier “P” when necessary.

Hang in there! Things will improve with time and you will become more relaxed and calm when you see how cooperatively your family works together.

Persistent: Supervise Consistently

and Calmly

Keep an eye out for what is and isn’t getting done.

Support each incremental improvement.

Expect to repeat yourself.

Do what you can to improve the chore chart system or make the tasks more doable.

Monitor the attitude of those completing activities.

Privilege: Involve the Kids in the Process

of Determining the Rewards

Involve children in making decisions. This increases self-esteem and motivates them to be responsible and accept consequences if they do not follow through.

Include the child in determining some of the positive consequences of helping.

Design rewards appropriate to the degree of difficulty of the tasks.

Choose rewards specific to and valued by each individual child.

Picture Perfect: Address the Senses

Use visual props to help children understand new ideas.

Make a chore chart or design a points system showing progress and helping them stay focused.

Use pictures or words to list the steps you expect your child to take in completing a task.

Allow hands-on manipulation of the chart – stickers, spinners, etc. (tactile and kinetic learners will enjoy this.).


Sarcasm and Verbal Abuse By Gary Direnfeld, LCSW

Verbal abuse refers to the use of language as a means to control or subordinate another person for either self-gratification or to impose one’s view or will on another or to gain an unfair advantage in resolving a dispute.

While both parties subject to a dispute may use inappropriate language with the other, verbal abuse has the distinc-tion of one party typically causing more distress to the other party, and causing insecurities in that party typically for the purpose of exploitation. In other words, the person wielding the verbal abuse does so to gain an advantage over the abused typically to his or her own desire.

Verbal abuse takes several forms including threats, foul or demeaning language, hostile tone or volume, intensity of delivery whether loud or quiet and sarcasm.

Threats are meant to scare or intimidate a person into submission. Threats can be of bodily harm to a person or other family, friends or pets of the person. Threats can also include divulging secrets or

continued on page 10

10 March & April �011 familyworks.org

making outright lies about a person such to either embarrass or cause to look bad in the eyes of others. Threats can also be to property as in telling a person they will destroy something and threats can be financial, thus seeking to hold a person hostage by intimating economic hardship. Even the legal system can be used against another and thus threats include telling another person they will unjustly use the legal system to gain an unfair advantage.

Foul or demeaning language refers to using swear words or words like stupid or idiot to cause a person to feel less about her or himself. Thus language is used to put the other person down and gain a psychological advantage where the abuser thus presents him or herself as superior. Here, one person belittles the other through the use of language.

Hostile tone, volume or intensity of delivery may appear as shouting, yelling or screaming or alternately, talking quietly yet intensely, so as to instill fear. Typically this form of verbal abuse causes the victim to acquiesce for fear of self-harm, particularly scaring the person that matters might escalate to include physical abuse.

Sarcasm refers to the use of humor to mask belittling or threatening language. Thus the information is delivered in such a way so as to provide two distinct messages. The su-perficial message is that the intention is humor or levity while the deeper message is one that belittles, demeans or threatens. Because the deliverer uses humor to mask the message, the

deliverer will try to deny the deeper message if confront-ed, thus leaving the receiver somewhat disarmed and unable to defend against the deeper message.

Typically the per-son using sarcasm denies the deeper message so as to ab-solve him or herself from any wrong-doing and more in-sidiously try to infer there is something wrong with the re-ceiver for their mis-interpretation. This obfuscation of the receiver’s reality in this scenario is also a form of psycho-logical abuse.

When the receiver gets angry enough at

the sarcasm, the person who is sarcastic typically then uses the receiver’s display of anger as their evidence that any problem in the relationship originates with the receiver’s anger. Thus sarcasm as verbal abuse is a potent form of gaining an advantage in a dispute and is a potent means to control another to one’s gain.

Underneath all forms of verbal abuse are issues of power and control. Gaining an advantage to the detriment of the other by abusive means is inherently wrong and can cause significant emotional and psychological distress.

If you are in a lop-sided relationship where your partner uses verbal abuse in any form to consistently assert their will over your own, then you may require counselling and other forms of support to end the abuse and either estab-lish an appropriate equilibrium to the relationship or else provide you an opportunity to leave safely and heal from the wounds of the abuse.

Verbal abuse is real and is destructive to relationships and one’s well-being. Support and relief can be obtained through local counselling centers. If you think you are the victim of verbal abuse, contact the Marin Center for Domestic Peace at 415-457-2464.

Gary Direnfeld, LCSW is a licensed social worker spe-cializing in marriage, family, divorce and child custody. Visit mysocialworker.com for more articles and info.

(Infant - 4.5 years)

®

Mill Valley Corte Madera San Anselmo

San Rafael

415.456.6630

March & April �011 11familyworks.org

Child-Centered Co-ParentingParents who are living apart learn to raise their children harmoniously, keep children “out of the middle” and safely in each of their lives.

Parents attend separate classes and learn to:

• Deal with each other respectfully

• Increase cooperation

• Make co-parenting decisions calmly

• Divide child-rearing tasks equitably

• Manage constantly shifting schedules

• Stop tantrums and dawdling

• Design consequences that work

• End rudeness & backtalk

Seven Tuesday evenings: March 15 - April 26, 2011Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.

P o s i t i v e& P e a c e f u l ParentingLearn Keys to Increasing:• Cooperation • Self-esteem • Responsibilty• Communication • Respect • Discipline

Viewing Life Today• Being a Proactive Parent • Identifying Your Universal Principles

Listening and Talking• Listening Effectively• Decreasing Impulsive Behavior• Anger Management

Feeling More Confident• Being Positive and Persistent• Sharing Successes• Setting Positive Consequences

Growing Great Kids• Understanding How Kids Work • Ensuring Goodness of Fit• Making Work Fun

Problem Solving that Gets Results• Using the Magical “When...Then”• Designing Charts that Get Results• Revamping “Time Out”

Four Tuesday evenings:March 15 - April 5, 2011Earn a certificate of completion at graduation.

Parenting Programs

familyworks.org 415-492-0720

Therapy and Life Skills Center

Mindfulness for Parents & Teachers*

Reduce Stress and AnxietyIncrease Well-BeingStrengthen Relationships

Learn a powerful technique that reduces stress and promotes well- being. Each week explore and practice effective ways to apply mindfulness to everyday life.Benefit from your take-home workbook to help develop your mindfulness in the home and at work.

Facilitator: Gary Buck, PhD., Psych. Assistant # PSB30265, supervised by Brian Lukas, Ph.D. Psy. 9835.

Dates: Wednesdays, April 27, May 4, 11, 18, 25 and June1.

Time: 7:00 - 9:00 PM

Course Fee: $120 for the six-session series, includes workbook.

Location: APPLE FamilyWorks(see familyworks.org - for directions).

Register: Online at familyworks.org or by phone at (415) 492-0720.

Questions: Contact Gary Buck, PhD, (415) 456-7724, ext 2.

See page 17 for more information

Jointly sponsored by: APPLE FamilyWorks and The Child Therapy Institute

*Curriculum and materials are developed by Mindful Schools, an Oakland non-profit which teaches mindfulness to school children and adults.

1� March & April �011 familyworks.org


Family Therapy and CouplesCounseling Concerns, hopes and dreams, as well as practical and effective relationship tools are explored. The result is increased understanding and empathy, more cooperation and more fun in family life through:

• Managing Child Behavior• Resolving Hurts and Conflicts• Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Addictions• Sharing Child Rearing • Planning for Play• Managing Anger• Creating Cooperative Responsible Children

AssessmentUsing temperament profiles and developmental assessments, parents and children will learn positive skills and design behavior plans that maximize each child’s potential. Therapists consult with teachers and parents, developing behavioral interventions that work at home, play and school. Therapists are available to make home-visits, school observations and attend IEP meetings. Mental health screenings for anxiety, depression, AD/HD, etc. are available.

IndividualUtilizing a variety of theoretical approaches, APPLE FamilyWorks’ therapists help individuals to develop healthy life skills and increase their social-emotional well being. We are skilled in helping with a broad range of relationship and psychological issues, including:• Life Stage Transitions• Anxiety• Abuse• Depression• Anger & Conflict• Improved Self-Esteem• Grief & Loss• Stress

Therapy with ChildrenWith a wide variety of child-centered expressive arts, includingspecialized sand-tray materials, children bring their thoughts and emotions to the surface allowing the child to build self-esteem and enhance emotional regulation.

Therapy with TeensAPPLE FamilyWorks’ skilled therapists work with adolescents to support their journey to adulthood. Using various forms of expressive arts therapy, interactive play/exercises and outdoor activities, teens find new ways to resolve problems, build greater self-esteem and enhance their social skills in ways that support their healthy growth and development.

familyworks.org 415-492-0720Adjustable Fees

Therapy Programs

March & April �011 1�familyworks.org


Therapy and Life Skills CenterFamily Interactive Therapy

F. I.T Services:When Family members want to improve communication and learn problem solving skills, Family Interactive Therapy at FamilyWorks, offers a unique program.

Family Meeting

Individual Counseling

Initially the parents share concerns with their therapist, followed by an opportunity for the entire family to set and meet their goals. Then, individual family members may be interviewed. An action plan is designed to meet the needs of each individual and the entire family.

Families may choose to benefit from the one way mirror option, in which child development assessments are made and family members can practice the skills they are learning with the assistance of an APPLE FamilyWorks therapist. Parents may receive guidance through an ear bud as the therapist observes interactions through the one-way mirror. One-way Mirror Option


Support for Individuals with Developmental Disabilities

Independent Living Skills

Parenting Support Services



CPR & First Aid Classes

• Parenting and Co-Parenting

• Childbirth Education

• Child Development and Family Planning

• Behavior Management and Stress Reduction

• Early Intervention in Postpartum Depression

• Positive and Peaceful Discipline

• Family Health Promotion and Hygiene

• Injury Prevention, Nutrition, and Exercise

• Household Management, and Transportation

• Financial Management and Budgeting

• Development of Social Support Systems

• Linkage with Others Services

• Academic Growth

• Behavior Management

• Stress Reduction Skills

• Injury Prevention

• Nutrition

• Health Promotion and Exercise

• Hygiene and Self-care

• Housekeeping

• Transportation Skills

• Community Access

• Employment Readiness

• Financial Management and Budgeting

• Development of Social Support Systems

Saturday, March 26, 2011CPR - 9:30 AM to 1:00 PMFirst Aid - 1:15 to 4 PM

Learn infant, child and adult choke-saving and CPR and how to apply these skills in emergencies. You will have

hands-on practice, receive a CPR skill book and a National Safety Council Certification upon completion.


A common complaint that parents of teens voice is that every conversation with their child seems to turn into a fight. What many parents don’t realize is that they are fully capable and have total power to change the tone of communication in their home.

It takes two to have a conflict. Teens, who are strug-gling with conflicting desires for parental direction and independence (and coping with a host of hormonal changes), are all too eager to take up a fight. It is the parent (the adult) who controls the tone of discussion.

Consider the following scenario and relate it back to your last argument with your teen. What can you do dif-ferently?

John sits in his chair in the living room, feeling his anger grow with every change of the digital clock on the DVD player – 10:45, 10:46, 10:47 and Megan is supposed to be home at 10 p.m. on school nights and, before she left for pizza and studying with her friends, John made a point of telling her he wanted to get to bed early because he has an important early-morning business meeting.

As the clock changes to 11:00, he hears the front door open and Megan walks into the livingroom. “Hi Daddy, I

thought you’d be in bed by now,” she says, spotting him in the chair. “Don’t you have to get up early?”

How should John handle the coming confrontation with his 15 year-old daughter? He’s been stewing about her tardiness and (in his view) flagrant disregard for his rules for an hour. The lower functioning part of his brain wants to explode in an angry outburst. His higher reasoning brain realizes that she’s home safe, she shows no signs of drug or alcohol use and Megan had never come home nearly this late before.

John (after briefly considering his options.): “What kept you so late?”

CoolingParentTeen

Conflict

by LewTremaine, Editor, FamilyWorks Magazine

continued on page 16


Megan: (beginning to get defensive and annoyed) “I figured you were sleeping. You said you have to get up early. (Sarcastically) Excuse me for being considerate.”

Realizing that his own annoyance and questioning is heating up the conflict, and knowing that he is too tired and angry to logically resolve it right now, John decides to postpone the conversa-tion.John: “If we get into an argument, neither of us will get enough sleep and I need to be sharp tomorrow. We’ll talk about this tomorrow before dinner. I expect you to come right home after school.”

In spite of Megan’s protests, John calmly leaves the room and goes to bed. Under the circumstances he made the best choice. His initial interrogation put his daughter on the defensive and an unproductive argument was brewing.

In our example, John chose not to fight. Giving himself time to think and a chance to cool his own emotions, he kept the conversation to clarifying and reiterating established rules.

John doesn’t give the incident much thought until his drive home from work. The morning meeting went well and he’s in a good mood. John calls home to make sure Megan has followed his instructions and finds out she’s study-ing in her room with a girlfriend. He reminds his daughter of their appoint-ment and suggests that her friend go

home before they talk.On the drive home, it occurs to John

that he should not have assumed that Megan would equate the information about his morning schedule with an im-perative to be home on time. He didn’t actually say as much. In fact, he might very well have confused her by not saying exactly what he meant. And, because Megan has never come home more than 10 or 15 minutes late before, he realizes they had never discussed, or written down, what the consequences might be for such a transgression.

When he gets home, John pulls out his laptop and writes up the following agreement...

“When Megan returns home by 10 p.m on school nights, then she may stay out until 11:00 on Friday and Saturday nights.

“When Megan continues to maintain her current 3.0 GPA, then she will be allowed a bonus of 30 minutes on weekend nights, extending her Friday and Saturday curfew to 11:30 p.m..

“If Megan comes home late on any night, then she will stay home on the very next weekend night. Additional late arrivals will result in the loss of additional weekend night privileges.

He includes lines for his signature and Megan’s and prints

out the document. Now he is ready for their meeting and he takes the document up to Megan’s room.

John begins with positive statements to keep Megan from getting defen-sive:John: “Thanks for sending your friend home so promptly, I appreci-ate that.”

Megan: “I’m sorry I came home late.”

John: “I don’t think you did it on purpose and I appreciate your not wanting to wake me up by calling. But in the future, know that I can’t sleep when you are out, so you should always call.”

Megan: “OK, I didn’t know that.”

John: “No, it’s never happened be-fore, so you wouldn’t have. I’ve typed up an agreement about your curfew. I want you to read it and sign it.”

John T. Smith, DDS915 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo

(Across from Red Hill Shopping Center)

415-453-1666

Family Dental Care

March & April 2011 17familyworks.org

Megan: “You’re kidding right? Why do we need to sign something?”

John: “This will help us both be clear and stick to our agreement.”

Megan: (taking the agreement and begining to read) “Wow! Your gonna let me stay out ‘til 11:30 now?”

John: “When you keep your grades up, then you get more privlidges.”

Megan: “Does this mean that If I’m late twice I lose two weekend nights?”

John: “Yes, but, I’m hoping we won’t have to go there.”

Megan: “I’m pretty sure we won’t, I can definitely live with this. Hey! Does this mean I’m grounded Friday night?”

John: “No, you get a one time pass on last night. But not again.”

Megan: (cheerfully signing the agreement) “Whew!!! Thanks Dad. Love you.

Any parent of a teenager can easily imagine the fight that would ensue if John doesn’t keep his wits. Throughout the solution he ultimately employs, John is careful to keep Megan’s point of view in mind. He does not take her tardi-ness personally and he remembers to consider something she does that he appreciates (good grades) and for which she deserves recognition.

He crafts a reasonable agreement, puts it in writings and discusses the provisions with Megan, so she can more eas-ily buy into them.

Keeping the heat out of conflicts with teens requires pa-tience and time. But a dictatorial approach that puts your teen on the defensive and invites ongoing arguments always takes more time. Plus, recent studies of the brain show that none of us can easily remember rules or information delivered in the heat of an argument.

When conflicts are kept at a low intensity, a pattern of reasonable communication and problem-solving develops and home stops feeling like a battlefield.

APPLE FamilyWorks offers a seminar to local middle and high schools called “Cooling Teen/Parent Conflict”. Led by renowned parenting educator Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, MA, PHN, MFT and FamilyWorks Magazine Editor Lew Tremaine, this fun and interactive seminar provides tools you can use immediately to change the relationship you have with your teen. If you are interested in bringing this seminar to your school, call APPLE FamilyWorks at 415-492-0720 for information.

Recent studies of the brain show that none of us can easily remember rules or information delivered in the heat of an argument.

Mindfulnessfor

Teachers and Parents*Reduce Stress and Anxiety• Learn skillful responses to challenging life situations• Incorporate natural conflict resolution • Benefit from physiological and cognitive relaxationIncrease Well-Being• Cultivate gratitude• Increase patience• Improve concentration• Adapt to change

Strengthen Relationships• Deepen communication skills• Practice effective tools for managing relationship dynamics• Gain increased empathy for oneself and others

Facilitator: Gary Buck, PhD., post-doctoral intern therapist at The Child Therapy Institute Psych. Assistant # PSB30265, has been a practitioner of mindfulness for over 30 years and is trained by Mindful Schools. Dr. Buck is supervised by Brian Lukas, Ph.D. Psy. 9835.

Dates: Wednesdays, April 27, May 4, 11, 18, 25 and June1.

Time: 7:00 - 9:00 PM

Course Fee: $120 for the six-session series, includes workbook.

Location: APPLE FamilyWorks.

Directions: familyworks.org

Register: Online at familyworks.org, Or by phone - Call APPLE FamilyWorks

(415) 492-0720Jointly sponsored by APPLE FamilyWorks and the Child Therapy Institute

*Curriculum and materials are developed by Mindful Schools, an Oakland non-profit that teaches mindfulness to school children and adults.


www.

When young people develop an interest in Shakespeare at an early age, they gain a lifelong intellectual curiosity about literature, psycholo-gy, and history, in addition to a love of the performing arts. It’s a sneaky way to increase vocabularies, teach the power of poetic devices (like alliteration), and introduce the his-tory of the Renaissance. And since every camp culminates in a perfor-mance or showcase, campers learn artistic discipline, teamwork, and performance skills, all while being

It’s like the old cereal com-mercial: “Tastes great and it’s good for you, too!” Students who participate in a two or three-week Shakespeare camp learn while having fun.

MarinShakespeare Company

Dominican UniversityTerra Linda Rec. Center Hamilton Amphitheater Marin Art & Garden Center

June 20-August 12

www.marinShakespeare.org

Camp Spotlightencouraged to use their creativity and imaginations to the fullest.

On a typical day at a Marin Shakespeare Summer Camps, Young Company students ages 8 to 12 play theatre games and practice improvisation exercises to expand their imaginations; they learn to work together as an ensemble where every member helps and supports the others; they rehearse a 40 to 60-minute version of a Shake-speare play – all Shakespeare’s words, but edited for length; and prepare for the final performance on the last day of camp, which will have simple costumes and props. Our teachers focus on the students’ vocal projection and help build self-confidence in public speak-ing and performance. We never forget that the best way to teach is to make it fun.

This summer’s Young Company camps will include sessions on “Macbeth”, “The Tempest”, and “As You Like It”. Campers will be casting witchy spells, practicing sword-fighting, creating Prospero’s magic, and debating the merits of the civilized court versus the idyllic Forest of Arden.

Our two-week Shakespeare’s Stories camps for 5 to 7-year-olds introduce Shakespeare to students using a curriculum we’ve devel-oped specifically for very young children. In this very active camp, we use creative dramatics to give students many opportunities for structured imaginative play, learn-ing teamwork, and practicing artis-tic discipline.


For teenagers, we offer several different learning experiences. The two-week improvisation session im-merses teens in the “just say yes!” world of improvisational acting, where you have to think on your feet and let your imagination run wild. Our three-week play production camp will give students the chance to perform the romantic comedy, “As You Like It”, playing some of Shakespeare’s most intriguing characters and learning why “all the world’s a stage”. Our Techni-cal Intern Program introduces high school students to every aspect of production that goes into putting on our professional main stage plays at the Forest Meadows Amphitheatre. The Intern Program includes work-shops with directors, stage manag-ers, designers, and a lot of hands-on, on-the-job learning through doing. It’s a fabulous opportunity for the-atre-struck teenagers to spend the summer with the professional com-pany at Marin Shakespeare.

There’s also our popular Ten-nis/Drama camp. The only camp offered on the Forest Meadows stage at Dominican University of California in San Rafael, this camp combines morning drama classes with an afternoon of group tennis lessons and swimming across the street at the Marin Tennis Club. The final performance of Shakespeare

scenes lets young people feel what it’s really like to act on our big stage.

Other camp sessions take place at the Marin Art and Garden Center in Ross, Terra Linda Recreation Center in San Rafael, and the Ham-ilton Amphitheatre in Novato. All camps are taught by professional actors, often those you can see in the main stage productions at Forest Meadows throughout the summer.

Whichever camp your child enjoys, your camper will be proud of his or her performance. And you can feel proud that you found a great summer camp that combines academic learning with a whole lot of creative fun.

A complete schedule of sessions and additional information can be found on the Marin Shakespeare Company website at www.marin-Shakespeare.org.

The two-week improvisation session immerses teens in the “just say yes!” world of improvisational acting

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You may not have to cross camps off the summer agenda, however—there are ways to make it more affordable. All over the country, camps are making adjustments to meet the needs of families by lowering fees and costs. In addition, you might qualify for discounts or even be able to write camp off as a tax break!

Discover Your DiscountsSiblings: For families with multiple children, this is an easy way to save money. Although you may have sent your children to different camps in summers past, this is the year to look into a camp that you can send all your children to. Camps typically offer a discount based on the number of children you register, which could save you a few hundred dollars.

Pay Early (Book Now!)Many camps offer a discounted rate if you pay the entire amount early, as opposed to waiting until the last minute. You might save as much as $100, or more. The only caveat – Be sure your

Save Money on Summer CampBy Michelle Johnson

Summer camps are a tradition for many families. For parents, camp is a great way to keep kids occupied and active when school is out; kids view it as an opportunity for having fun and making new friends. However, with the country still reeling from the recession, summer camps are falling off the list of many family must-haves as other necessities take a higher priority, such as mortgage payments and groceries.

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family’s calendar is up to date when you register, because the fine print may include a no-refund policy.

Take Advantage of Tax BreaksDid you know that summer camps can qualify as a childcare tax break? If your child is 13 or younger, you can likely deduct the cost of camps from your taxable income. Consult with an accountant or look into this beforehand if it’s something you’re interested in.

Book Shorter SessionsYou may have always enrolled your child in full-day camp before, but to cut costs you can register kids for half-day camp. It’s just as much fun for kids, but at a significantly reduced cost. The camp you’re interested in may not advertise a half-day program, so ask about it if you’re unsure. Another option is limiting the number of days your child attends. Instead of five days a week, try three or four.

Camps for Lower BudgetsIf you’re looking to spend less than $600 per week on camp (private camps can cost around $700–$1200 per week), you do have options. Jill Levin, the West Coast Advisor of Tips on Trips and Camps, suggests that parents contact camps run by local county government or agencies, such as the Jewish Federation, the JCC, the Salvation Army, Campfire Boys and Girls, or the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. These camps offer a summer experience at a reduced cost because the sponsoring agency subsidizes the camp. Levin also suggests looking into financial aid, which is available at most camps. If you apply early, it is possible to get a 20–50% discount based on need.

Bar 717 Ranch – Camp TrinityFounded in 1930, the Bar 717 Ranch offers children ages 8-16 the opportunity to spend the summer on a beautiful mountain ranch. Campers choose freely from activities including horsemanship, backpacking, gardening, animal care, river swimming, arts and crafts, photography, music, drama, archery, blacksmithing and ceramics. 530-628-5992, www.bar717.com

Camp Tam at Homestead Valley A FUN, SAFE, traditional, diversely-programmed outdoor summer day camp for elementary school kids. A variety of outdoor activities, including our own swimming pool! Creative, small-group program; we promote respect for each other and the environment. Team-building exercises, games, projects, and nature education with walks through the host of trails that surround Homestead Valley. 415-388-0137. [email protected], www. homesteadvalley.org,

Camp WinnarainbowAges 7-14. A sleepaway camp specialized in the circus and performing arts. Activities include trapeze, clowning, tightrope, juggling, unicycling, stilt-walking, gymnastics, theater, hip hop, martial arts, magic, music, art, basketball court, nature walks, environmental and multi-cultural awareness. Beautiful lake with 350¹ waterslide, year-round stream and lodging in canvas tipis. 510-525-4304.

Camping Gear SavingsIf you do sign your kids up for camp, you may find yourself needing to buy some gear. Whether it’s sandals, tents, sunscreen, or sleeping bags, these items can all add up to a hefty price tag! Here are some websites that can help you pack your child up for camp, while leaving you some money for your own adventures.

81 Years 1930 - 2011

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Devil’s Gulch Ranch CampCamp at Devil’s Gulch Ranch is a camp like no other! Experience a real working ranch, take care of the animals, explore the surrounding wilderness, connect with nature, make new friends, meet new challenges and learn the skills of our ancestors. What you learn here will last you a lifetime. Our camp is accredited

TV/Film Acting Day CampAges 4-18

Award Winning • 30th Year Comedy, Voiceover, Film Acting, Improv

SAN RAFAEL, SAN FRANCISCO, EAST BAY June/July/Aug

415.440.4400www.kids-on-camera.com

by the American Camp Association (ACA). Contact: (415) 662-1099, [email protected]. www.dges.org

Kids On Camera TV/Film Acting Day CampAge 4-18. Lights, camera, fun! Weeklong camps. 30th year. Comedy, characters w/costumes, voiceover, film acting, improv, photo modeling. Build confidence. 9:30A-3P. Extended care 8A-6P. San Rafael, July/Aug, St. Raphael School, 1100 5th Ave. San Francisco: Jun 27-July 1. 495 9th Ave near Geary/19th. We trained Andy, Toy Story. Judy Berlin 415.440-4400 www.kids-on-camera.com, $200-375.

Marin Horizon School Summer CampFun for children 3-8 yrs! 9am – 3pm, extended care 8:30am – 5:30pm. 4 or 5-day/week program; half-day option for 3 and 4-year olds. State-licensed. All head teachers have California State or Montessori teaching credentials. Gymnastics, Swimming or Team Sports every day! 3 age groups: the Scouts, the Hawks, and the Explorers. 3 sessions between 6/27 – 8/5. www.marinhorizon.org. 415-388-8408 x263.

Marin Shakespeare CompanySummer Camps:We make Shakespeare fun! Ages 5 to 7, 8 to 12 and teenagers. Two and three week sessions June 20 - August 12 in Ross, San Rafael and Novato, including the popular Tennis/Drama camp. Each session culminates in a performance. www.marinshakespeare.org or call 415-499-4487.

Marin YMCAY Camp is going bananas this year! We are pulling out all the stops by keeping our traditional Y camp with sports, crafts, swimming, and fieldtrips, and adding special event days with guest speakers, nature hikes, Wii parties, theme days and more. Check out our web site for details: www.ymcasf.org/marin.

Summer Dance Camps at Terra Linda RecreationFun “Circus Dance Camp” for active children ages 6-11. Aug 1- 5. Ballet, tap, jazz, hip hop; learn how to create your own dance. No experience is required. “Princess Dance Camp”, ages 4-6, June 13 - 17. Ballet and creative dance; tiaras, wands, face painting and a Princess Ball! Go to http://eplay.livelifelocally.com for more information.

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Camp Tam at Homestead ValleyHomestead Valley Community Center offers a summer day

camp in a beautiful setting at the foot of Mt. Tamalpais.

Swimming, Hiking, Sports, Drama, Art, Outdoor Education,Gardening and more in a small-group atmosphere.

For children entering grades K through 5Nine 1-week sessions (each with its own theme)

June 20th – August 19th, Mon–Fri 9:00 – 4:00(Optional pre and post-camp 8-9 am and 4-5 pm)

(415) 388-0128315 Montford Ave, Mill Valley

[email protected]

Gymnastics Lessons • Swimming LessonsExciting Field Trips • Low Teacher:Student Ratio

Music • Arts and Crafts • SportsCapoeira classes • Nature Hikes

Extended Care until 5:30

June 27th-Aug 5thServing all kids aged 3-8

For a brochure or more info call 415.388.8408 x263 or visit marinhorizon.org

Questions? email [email protected]

305 Montford Avenue, Mill Valley, CA 94941

Marin Horizon Summer Camp

OPEN

EVERYDAY

9AM-9PM

2006-2010

Honored by your voting us into the Hall of Fame for Best Health Food Store

and three years running Best Business that

Promotes Going Green

2006-2010

Best Business thatPromotes Going Green

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2008 FAMILY FRIENDLYBuSINESS OF THE YEAR

Holiday MenuOur Kitchen is Offering Three

Thanksgiving Dinners and Four Yummy Pies!

From the Good Earth Kitchen

OPENEVERYDAY9AM-9PM

To place an order, stop by or call 454-0123Thanksgiving orders accepted through Monday, Nov. 22

Each 1.25 pound dinner is presented in a fully-recyclable and oven-heatable aluminum containerMarin’s largest selection of fine wines Made from Organic and Biodynamic Grapes

Organic Turkey DinnerHand-sliced Turkey Brest Garlic Green BeansTurkey Grravy Cranberry SauseSage Stuffing Single Dinner, $24Mashed Potatoes Dinner for 4, $92

Organic Pumpkin Lasagna DinnerVegeterian Pumpkin LasagnaGarlic Green BeansCranberry SauseSingle Dinner, $14 Dinner for 4, $52

Vegeterian Almond Loaf DinnerAlmond Loaf Garlic Green BeansWalnut Pecan Grravy Cranberry SauseSage Stuffing Single Dinner, $20Vegan Sashed Potatoes Dinner for 4, $76

Organic Homemade PiesPies Serve 6-8Wheat free Almand Crust is available for an additional $2Pumpkin Pie $21.98 Apple Pie $17.98Vegan Pumpkin Pie $15.98 Pecan Pie `$23.98

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