Destressing Pres2 Pdf

Presented 8/26/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 1

De-Stressing

Your Job Search


What We’ll Share Today

■  A bit on the physiology behind stress

■  What ‘causes’ stress

■  A new way of looking at the situation…

■  Tools & techniques


The Learning Grid 1

Unconscious Incompetence

2

Conscious Incompetence

4

Unconscious

Competence

3

Conscious Competence


Physiology of Stress

■  What would happen if…

■  You were at the zoo and an escaped lion charged you?

■  You were in the road and an out of control driver came up on the sidewalk toward you?


Physiology of Stress

■  What happens when:

■  You have to fill out an online application that takes you 5 hours?

■  You get stuck in traffic on the way to an interview?

■  You get a rejection letter after several interviews you felt went extremely well?

Presented 8/26/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 6 JobCamp 2 - 7/9/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 6 Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


Central Nervous System Threat

(Sympathetic NS)

“Excited mobilization”

■  Fight, Flight or Freeze

cardiovascular activity

respiration

neurohormones:

i.e. CORTISOL

immunity

digestion

restoration/sleep cycle

Thrive/Secure (Parasympathetic NS)

“Homeostasis”

■  Bio-rhythm stability

■  Circadian

■  Infradian

■  Ultradian

Endorphins

Repair and restoration

Maintains survival of the organism Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


Safety is the Goal

■  Our brain reacts to keep us safe

■  We need to let our brain know what we’re doing to keep us safe, so the Central Nervous System doesn’t go into over-drive

^

Brain’s


Introductions & What in your job search do

you stress about? Notice – I did not say – what in your job

search stresses you out…

Let’s talk about that next


What’s Your Search Like? ■  More secure or more threat?

■  More sleep or less sleep?

■  More relaxed or more tense?

■  What have you done so far to reduce the stress in your job search?


What’s the action/reaction?

Self X

Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


is our self…

All We Ever Get to See…

Nationality Gender

Family of Origin Siblings

Area of the Country

Our History

X

Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


Practical Tools for De-Stressing


Tools For De-Stressing

■  Having a plan, working the plan

■  Mindfulness

■  Journaling

■  Understanding how we use language

■  Cultivating Positive Emotions

■  Understanding yourself better


Having and Working a Plan


Having & Working a Plan ■  Amount of time you want to spend:

■  Reading: keep up on your industry, field

■  Networking: email; phone; in-person

■  Email: checking & sending

■  Social networking sites: LinkedIn; Twitter; Industry; Facebook

■  Searching job boards: Leverage RSS and aggregator sites

■  Applying for roles

■  Work your plan

■  Track your progress (11th commandment – thou shalt not kid thyself)

■  Don’t beat yourself up if you get off track


Mindfulness


Where are You in Stress? ■  Past? Present? Future?

■  How common are thoughts like…

■  I shouldn’t have answered the interview question that way.

■  Will the interview go well?

■  Will they make me an offer?

■  Will they respond at all?

■  Why didn’t they call?

■  Where are these thoughts… past, present or future?


Where is Your Attention Most Productive?

■  Past?

■  Present?

■  Future?


Mindfulness Defined

■  Mindfulness is the ability to pay attention to an experience from moment to moment —without drifting into thoughts of the past or concerns about the future, or getting caught up in opinions about what's going on.

■  One of the more popular ways to practice mindfulness is through meditation, which involves sitting or lying down quietly for 20 or 30 minutes, once or twice a day. Focus on your breath. When you get distracted, return your attention to everything about your breath


Let’s try it out…


Scientific Evidence ■  Several studies have been conducted measuring the effects of

mindfulness. See the February issue of Harvard Health Publications where they translate findings to inform readers about how they can benefit the most from practicing mindfulness.

■  A UW-Madison research team has found, for the first time, that a short program in "mindfulness meditation" produced lasting positive changes in both the brain and the function of the immune system.

■  Compuware has seen 5 fold productivity gains for teams after work done in the area of Loving Kindness Meditation.

■  Jon Kabat-Zinn - Professor of Medicine Emeritus and Founding director of the Stress Reduction Clinic & the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

■  He teaches mindfulness meditation as a technique to help people cope with stress, anxiety, pain and illness.


Mindfulness in Everyday Life ■  Pay attention to your breathing or your environment when you stop at red

lights.

■  Instead of listening to the radio or making phone calls during your drive, spend time checking in with yourself

■  Before you go to sleep, and when you awaken, take some “mindful” breaths.

■  Instead of allowing your mind to wander over the day's concerns, direct your attention to your breathing.

■  Find a task that you do impatiently or unconsciously (standing in line or brushing your teeth, for example) and concentrate on the experience.

■  Make something that occurs several times during a day, such as answering the phone or buckling your seatbelt, a reminder to return to the present — that is, think about what you're doing and observe yourself doing it.

Adapted from Harvard Health Publications online



Journaling

■  Journaling is an easy and effective way to reduce stress.

■  “By getting your thoughts out of your head and putting them down in writing, you gain insights you’d otherwise never see.” blog by Steve Pavlina July 9th, 2007

■  Venting on paper, first neutralizes the emotional charge. Then, re-reading what you’ve written can help you learn from the emotions, clarify the situation and begin to outline options ■  Adapted from “Reduce stress through Journaling” Reader’s Digest online


Suggested Processes ■  Morning Pages: Three pages of longhand, stream of

consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages. They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind-- and they are for your eyes only. ■  From The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

■  T-Chart

■  Write out all of the negative emotions and frustrations on one side of the paper

■  Write out 3 positive emotions, options, thoughts, or ideas for each negative thought.


Understanding Language

Presented 8/26/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 28 JobCamp 2 - 7/9/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 28

5 Speech Acts

■  Assertions

■  Assessments

■  Grounded

■  Un-grounded

■  Declarations

■  Requests/Offers

■  Promises

From: ‘You Are What You Say” by Matthew Budd

Only human beings create concepts through language – linguistic phenomena


Assessments and Assertions ■  Assessments:

■  Purposeful and action oriented (For the sake of some purpose or action)

■  Reveals the observer, NOT the observed

■  Reveals standards and values of the observer

■  Grounded Assessments:

■  Never true or false

■  Based on evidence

■  Assessments such as “good” or “bad” are based on some shared understanding

■  Assertions:

■  Universal observer

■  Always true or false

■  Shared standards or measure

Adapted from Colasanti Associates, LLC


Requests/Offers ■  An action taken seeking the assistance of another in

satisfying an underlying concern. A request happens in the present and invites a future action by another.

■  A request also involves a commitment on the part of the requester to be satisfied if the conditions specified in the request are met.



Promises ■  A promise is what you speak to indicate your commitment to

fulfill what someone else has requested. It implies you understand the request and are competent and sincere about fulfilling the promise.

■  When promises are not fulfilled, the requester may feel resentful and distrust may develop.

■  Is an utterance by someone with the authority to do so, brings something into being that was not there before, through the power of language.

Declarations



Process for Effective Conversations

Request

Concern

Complaint

What is the reasoning behind the complaint?

Desire for Satisfaction

Desire to be Heard

What are you willing to ask for? Risk?

Does it sound like a protest, or accusation?

“You make me….” “You need to….” “You, You, You”

“I am concerned about….” “I would like to discuss….” “I have a problem with...”

Yes No Commit to Commit Counteroffer



Cultivating Positive Emotions

Adapted from the book: “Positivity” by Barbara Fredrickson PH.D.


Negative Emotions

■  Only three

■  Anger

■  Fear

■  Contempt

■  Occur naturally as a response to threat


10 Positive Emotions ■  Joy

■  Gratitude

■  Interest

■  Serenity

■  Hope

■  Amusement

■  Awe

■  Love

■  Inspiration

■  Pride


Positive Emotions ■  Don’t occur naturally

■  Must be cultivated

■  Are cumulative

■  Feel good

■  Broadens your capacity to think

■  Learn more – become more skilled

■  Undo effect (on negative emotions)


Cultivate a 3:1 Ratio ■  Build a positive emotion

portfolio – one for each of the 10 positive emotions

■  Practice gratitude

■  Cultivate Optimism

■  Avoid over-thinknig and social comparison

■  Practice acts of kindness

■  Nurture social relationships

■  Develop coping strategies

■  Learning to forgive

■  Living in the present; increasing flow experiences

■  Savor

■  Committing to your goals: committed goal pursuit

■  Practicing religion and spirituality

■  Taking care of body & soul


Understanding Yourself

better…


Knowing Your Core Self ■  Personality

■  DISC

■  Myers Briggs

■  Enneagram

■  Know your strengths

■  StrengthsFinder 2.0 (by Tom Rath)

■  Interaction Style

■  Temperament

■  These require support from a qualified practitioner to guide you to an understanding of your core self.

■  Taking only input from an assessment is not advisable – most have a 20 – 40% error rate.


Summary of Tools ■  Having a plan, working the plan

■  Mindfulness

■  Journaling

■  Understanding how we use language

■  Cultivating Positive Emotions

■  Understanding yourself better


Commitment to Action ■  What one tool will you commit to try tomorrow?

■  What tool will you commit to use next week?

■  Can you find an accountability partner to keep you focused, honest and successful?

■  Go forth & chill…


Contact Information ■  Dotty Posto

■  Leadership & Organizational Development Consultant

■  Speaker

■  Executive & Personal Coach

■  [email protected]

■  www.linkedin.com/in/dottyposto

■  414.305.8976


Resources

■  Follow: @StressReduction on Twitter

■  http://www.themindtolead.com/mindfulness.html

■  Google: Jon Kabat-Zinn – videos, books and CDs on mindfulness and Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction

■  www.positivity.org ■  www.positivityratio.com


Resources ■  http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/reduce-stress-

through-journaling/article16179.html

■  http://www.journalforyou.com

■  http://www.theartistsway.com/the-basic-tools

■  “You Are What You Say” by Dr. Matthew Budd

■  http://cs.gmu.edu/cne/pjd/TT/AssertAssess.pdf


Resources ■  “First Break All the Rules” – by Marcus Buckingham

■  “Now Discover Your Strengths” by Marcus Buckingham & Donald O. Clifton

■  “StrengthsFinder 2.0” by Tom Rath

■  “Go Put Your Strengths To Work” by Marcus Buckingham

■  “Strengths based Leadership” by Tom Rath

■  “How Full is Your Bucket” by Tom Rath & Donald O. Clifton

Documents

Destressing Pres2 Pdf