Core slide –it is recommended that you include in presentation€¦ · Slide Type: Core slide –it is recommended that you include in presentation Slide Objective: This is an introductory

Slide Type: Core slide – it is recommended that you include in presentation

Slide Objective: This is an introductory slide to introduce the topic of Effective Communication Skills for Couples

Talking Points: Introduce the topic of communication among couples

Notes to Facilitator on How to Use this Presentation:

• Within the speaker’s notes for each slide, you will find relevant information for the slide’s content, including suggested background information, talking points, questions to ask the group and additional resources for reference. You may consider reviewing one of the following books for additional information on couples communication: Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work by McKay, Fanning & Paleg or Couples in Treatment by Weeks & Fife. (full citations are included in the bibliography)

• In the speaker’s notes, the text is formatted in the following manner:

• Bolded text – Key talking points to include for each slide

• Additional text – Background information and additional points of clarification or examples

• Italicized text – Background information that you may want to read aloud or paraphrase to the group members

• Please note several slides have been labeled as supplementary because they contain additional information that may be useful to present but the slide is not critical to the

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module. Please use these additional slides as time permits to provide additional screening questions or practice new skills

• Ideally, each training session should last 30‐45 minutes with a group of 4‐8 people

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Slide Type: Core slide – it is recommended that you include in presentation of this module

Slide Objective: This slide acknowledges DHA

Talking Points: This presentation is a DHA resource

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Slide Type: Supplemental slide – it is optional

Slide Objective: This is an introductory slide to introduce the learning modules within the Effective Communication Skills for Couples presentation

Talking Points: Learning objectives for the entire course

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Slide Objective: This is an introductory slide to introduce the course modules

Talking Points: List the topics of each module within the course

IMAGE: Tech. Sgt. Todd Kabalan

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Slide Objective: Transition slide to the topic of Negotiation in Communication

Talking Points: Introduce the topic of Negotiation in Communication

IMAGE: Thinkstockphotos

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Slide Objective: Explain a strategy for negotiation

Talking Points:

Know what it is that you want

• What do you want in specific, behavioral terms

• “I would like to go away for the weekend”

State what you want in behavioral terms

• Specifically state what you want or do not want

• “ I would like to go away for a long weekend, preferably to the beach”

Listen to the other person’s point of view

• The point is to better understand the other person’s perspective and gather information, not to argue

• Perhaps your SO will say “ I have a deadline coming up and I am worried that I do not have enough time to get away for the weekend”

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Make a proposal

• Make a proposal that considers the other person’s perspective

• “ Let’s go to Virginia Beach, it is only 90 minutes away and I will drive so that you can work in the car”

Ask for a counterproposal

• If they do not like your proposal, encourage them to come up with an alternative

• “ We can go to Virginia Beach but I need 4 hours of uninterrupted time on Saturday to work in the hotel room”

Achieve a compromise

• This is the most important step

• You might say “ I really need to get away for a day or two. What would it take for you to go away this weekend?” The final compromise might mean that you drive both ways to the beach, bring takeout food to the hotel room for your SO and give them 5 hours of quiet time to work

Citation: McKay, M., & Rogers, P. (2000). The Anger Control Workbook: Simple, innovative techniques for managing anger and developing healthier ways of relating. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

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Slide Objective: Practice a strategy for negotiation

Talking Points:

Have group members practice negotiation using the following situations or allow group members to create their own examples

• Where to go on the next vacation

• Where to have dinner

• What movie to see this week

• What to do on Saturday

IMAGE: Thinkstockphotos

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Talking Points:

There are many negotiation strategies, here is another one to try. Introduce preparation for a major negotiation.

When using this strategy is it wise to prepare for the conversation by determining:

• What you want ideally

• What you could live with

• What is unacceptable

In practice, you may need to return to this conversation several times (especially for significant issues like moving or buying a car).

Citation: McKay, M., Fanning, P., & Paleg, K. (2006). Couple Skills: Making your relationship work. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

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Talking Points:

Introduce Ground Rules phase of Negotiation. To help ensure that the conversation is productive, it’s helpful to establish ground rules such as the following:

• I accept conflict calmly

• Everyone has disagreements

• It is normal to disagree, it is not a disaster

• Conflicts give us a chance to practice problem solving

• I want a fair and mutually agreeable outcome

• I want an outcome which will be good for both of us

• I will not try to win, get revenge or punish my partner

• I’m Flexible

• I am open to creative and unexpected resolutions

Citation: McKay, M., Fanning, P., & Paleg, K. (2006). Couple Skills: Making your relationship

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work. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

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Talking Points:

Introduce Situation phase of Negotiation

• Describe the situation which requires negotiation

• The description should be simple and clear and objective

• It is really important that both partners are discussing the same issue

• For example, don’t confuse the conversation about whether to get a new job with the conversation about moving


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Talking Points:

Introduce the Interests and Needs phase of Negotiation

This is an easy way to consider interests and needs for both partners

• In the first column, list what you ideally want in the situation

• In the middle column, list what you think your partner wants that is opposed to what you want

• In the last column, list your shared interests

Now review the situation again

• Reconsider your ideal solution

• What could you live with?

• What outcomes are unacceptable?

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Talking Points:

Example of Interests and Needs phase of Negotiation

• Marion wants to go visit her mother for Thanksgiving but Ken wants to stay home this year. See example above for details

• Walk the group through the example above to illustrate how to list interests and needs for both partners


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Talking Points:

Introduce ways to compromise with examples

• Take turns

• I will stay home with the kids on Saturday so you can take your class and you can stay home with the kids on Sunday so I can go golfing

• Do both

• Let’s get up an hour early so we have time to exercise and have a big breakfast on Sunday

• Tit for tat

• If you clean the bathrooms every week, I will do the laundry every week

• Part of what I want, part of what you want

• We will go away for a long weekend instead of a full week and we put the rest of the money into savings

• Split the difference

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• You want to buy a new bedroom set for $3000, but I am happy with what we have. Let’s split the difference and get a new set bed and dresser for $1500

• My way when I do it, your way when you do it

• When you drive you can take the highway, but when I drive I will take the back roads

Continue to make proposals and counterproposals until you are both satisfied with the outcome.

For some topics, this may take time but this is a normal part of the process.


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Talking Points:

Once a solution has been determined, make a step by step plan to implement the solution.

Check in later to review progress so far and make adjustments as needed.


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Talking Points:

Have group members practice negotiation using the following situations or allow group members to create their own examples

• Where to go on the next vacation

• Where to have dinner

• What movie to see this week

• What to do on Saturday

• Eat at home or take‐out

• Rent a movie or go to the movies

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Slide Type: Do not show this slide – it is for reference only

Slide Objective: Bibliography

Facilitator Note: This slide provides citations for the most important references for the entire presentation.

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Slide Type: Do not show this slide – it is for reference only

Slide Objective: Bibliography

Facilitator Note: This slide provides citations for the most important references for the entire presentation.

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Slide Type: Supplemental Slide – it is optional

Slide Objective: Transition to Appendix A

Talking Point:

The following slides list a number of behavioral health resources which are likely to be useful for those who want to seek help for effective communication.

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Website dedicated to supporting service members, veterans, families and health care providers serving the military community; the site is intended to provide information, assessments, self‐management tools and videos for common behavioral health problems in the military community

Web‐based, self‐care solutions targeting mental health problems commonly faced following a deployment

Provides research and best practices for delivering online mental health resources to service members, their families and veterans

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A voluntary program to provide behavioral health care support to service members and veterans as they move between health care systems or providers

Personal coaches, along with resources and tools, assist service members during the transition period, empowering them to make healthy life choices, and are available 24/7 via toll‐free call

Coaches help referring providers ensure service members continue their treatment

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Ways Military OneSource serves and supports the military community:

• A single source of information and assistance for service members and military families alike – because families are critical to readiness.

• Military OneSource offers private, discreet, individualized support through non‐medicalcounseling and consultations.

• Military OneSource services are no cost and tailored to the situation.

• Information and resources are trustworthy, because they come from the Department of Defense.

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Documents

Core slide –it is recommended that you include in presentation€¦ · Slide Type: Core slide –it is recommended that you include in presentation Slide Objective: This is an introductory