BW Abbrev Workbook V9 Oct06 - brainpowertraining.com.au · Business Writing © Brainpower Training Pty Ltd 5 Hemingway’s rules • Use short sentences • Use short first paragraphs

Business Writing

© Bra inpower Train ing Pty L td

www.bra inpowertra in ing.com .au

1

Welcome

to

Effective Business Writing

Your Facilitator: ___Nina Sunday___

BA, Dip Ed, Dip Arts (AFTRS)

V.9

http://www.brainpowertraining.com.au

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Outline

Module 1 Goals: economy, clarity, empathy

Module 2 Readability: Fog index

Module 3 Economy: sentence and word length

Module 4 Economy: omit needless words, avoid qualifiers

Module 5 Economy: avoid repetition

Module 6 Economy: avoid redundancy

Module 7 Economy: active voice

Module 8 Clarity: write the way you speak

Module 9 Clarity: be positive

Module 10 Clarity: avoid nominalisation

Module 11 Clarity: bullets

Module 12 Empathy: tone, You vs. I, first person

Module 13 Empathy: courtesy

Module 14 Punctuation: commas

Module 15 Punctuation: apostrophe

Module 16 Content: Getting started

Module 17 E-mail

Module 18 Review

Goals

• Brevity• Clarity• Empathy


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Readability Index Module 2

1. Number of words in your writing sample: ____ words (1) 2. Number of sentences in your writing sample: ____ sentences (2) 3. Average sentence length: ____ Words ÷ ____ Sentences _____ (3) 4. Number of long words with three or more syllables _____ (4) 5. Percentage of long words

[ _____ (4) long words ÷ ____ total words (1) ] x 100 = _____ %(5) 6. Fog Readability Index formula is: Average sentence length + % long words X 0.4 = Readability index.

[ _____ (3) + _____ (5) ] x 0.4 = _____ (6) Readability index

Results

7–8: Crystal clear 10–11: Average – clear and

understandable.Over 13: Becoming foggy

Final judge

• your ‘ear’

• commonsense


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Makeover checklist

1. Any sentences too long? Max. 22 words.

2. Eliminate unnecessary words qualifiers - very, quite, rather, some,

almost, extremely, pretty, a little bit

that / which, the

3. Avoid repetition notable words repeated

first word each sentence

4. Avoid redundancy At a later date = later

In order to = to 5. Any passive voice? Change to active voice. Who is doing the action?

6. Write the way you speak - if you read it aloud does it sound natural? in the interim, whilst, etc

7. Ideas stated in the positive?

8. Any verbs expressed as nouns? ion, tion, ment. Change to verbs. made a decision – decided

reached an agreement - agreed 9. If there’s a list, have you created bullets?

10. Change ‘I’ to ‘you’.

11. Any request, included ‘please and ‘thank you’. Consider starting document with

‘thank you for . . . ‘.

12. Commas need to add any commas?

should any commas be deleted?

13. Apostrophes, contractions It’s vs. it is

14. All necessary information there? Any idea gaps or blind spots? plan with an overview

15. Revised after time? Ran it through spell and grammar checkers?

16. Language non-sexist?

17. E-mail subject headers, no uppercase

Makeover

• Your writing sample


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Hemingway’s rules

• Use short sentences• Use short first paragraphs• Use vigorous English

Be concise Module 3

Hemingway’s style: In search of the crisp, clear sentence.

When he joined the staff of the Toronto Star Weekly in January, 1920,

Hemingway was given a style sheet by his boss, C. G. ‘Pete’ Wellington.

Among the extensive list of dos and don’ts were instructions to:

Hemingway later praised these precepts as ‘the best rules I ever learned for the business of writing.’

• Delete unnecessary words (that / which)

• Use a shorter word over a longer one

• Use active voice

• Print it out and edit it - be ruthless


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Less is more Module 4

Brevity is good

WORDY CONCISE at a later date later

in order to to

at the present time now

for the purpose of for

in addition to as well as, also

on a regular basis regularly

have no alternative to must

take into consideration

consider

implement a solution

fix the problem

newsletter to be sent once a quarter

quarterly newsletter

please do not hesitate to feel free to

Omit needless words 1

• at a later date• in order to• small in size• in the event that . . . if


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2 Avoid qualifiers

• very • quite • rather• almost • some

. . . weaken

Avoid qualifiers

Qualifiers:

very, quite, kind of, sort of, rather, somewhat, almost, a bit, a little, actually, really,

Qualifiers weaken

statements; indicate a

lack of confidence.

They imply the word

you have chosen is not

adequate.

Pick better adjectives.

Qualifier Better adjective Very tall towering Rather small diminutive

Don't be kind of bold. Be bold.


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Avoid redundancy Module 6

Eliminate redundant phrases and useless words.

Redundant Concise

repeat again repeat

a total of 14 trucks 14 trucks

due to the fact that because

in the event that if

at this point in time now

end result result

close proximity proximity

new innovations innovations

summarise briefly summarise

small / large in size small / large

12 midnight midnight

personal opinion opinion

one and the same the same

period of four days four days

in the field of economics in economics

each and every each

consensus of opinion consensus

final completion completion

6 Avoid redundancy

• repeat again• reason why• final completion• end result• close proximity


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Active voice Module 7

Exercise Change the following sentences from passive to active:

1. The shops were closed by all the dealers.

___________________________________________________________.

2. The roof of the house was blown off by the wind.

___________________________________________________________.

3. The ripening wheat was destroyed by a hailstorm.

___________________________________________________________.

4. The messengers were ordered to go away by the ambassador.

___________________________________________________________.

5. A brochure can be ordered by email.

________________________________________________________________________________

6. The contract was signed by the chairperson.

___________________________________________________________.

7. The experiment was conducted so the relationship between the two theories could be examined.

___________________________________________________________.

Active voice

• fewer words• to the point• more direct• injects vigour• sounds better• reads better


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Be active

Reducing wordiness using Active Voice: How to use up to 30% less words.

Business readers prefer direct and concise writing, using as few words as possible.

Did you know you can reduce the number of words used overall by as much as 30%

by using active voice? Try it and see.

Here's a simple example:

'John hit the ball.' (4 words) - Active voice takes the form of 'A does B'. 'The ball was hit by John.' (6 words) - Passive voice takes the form of 'B is done by A'.

How to spot them

Telltale compound verbs like 'were ordered', 'was written' are clues to passive voice.

Often there is an extra preposition 'by', for example, 'The house was built by Smith

Brothers.'

Use your computer's 'Find' function

You can quickly search for every occurrence of a specific word or phrase using your

computer's 'Find' function.

1. On the Edit menu, click Find. 2. In the Find what box, enter text to search for - 'was', 'were', 'be' or 'by' words.

Reread the sentences one of these words appears and if it is in passive voice, recast

the sentence in active voice. You will reduce the number of words and make the tone

more confident, direct and energetic.


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Tip: do a word count before and after this process to determine how many words

you were able to delete, simply by switching from passive to active voice.

Why be active?

§ fewer words § to the point

§ more direct

§ sounds better

§ reads better

1. Spot the passive:

Active Voice: The subject performs the action. Subject Verb Object

He writes the letter.

Passive Voice: The subject is acted on.

The letter was written by him.

7 Active vs. passive voice

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me, he loves me not

I am loved by him, I am not loved by him.

I am loved by him, I am not loved by him.


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Plain English Module 8

Rule: Write the way you speak.

• use simple words rather than complex ones. • use short, familiar words.

Q. Which is easier to read?

COMPLEX PLAIN ENGLISH

commence start endeavour try facilitate help purchase buy sufficient enough additional extra subsequently next, later or consequently indicate show preceding previous parameters limits utilise use proliferate spread initiate start

Large words often make writing sound impersonal and the writer

‘stuffy’.

Many writers have difficulty keeping their message simple and clear.

Instead of using everyday words, they use complex or unfamiliar

words. Simple, everyday words will help you get your message

across.

Technical writers often use words such as initiate and proliferate

instead of the simpler show, start and spread.


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Register

Register (Style) is the level of formality used when speaking or writing. An individual may switch register in different situations. Formal Register:

• Public or religious ceremonies • Written language rather than spoken • Professional, legal, legislation • Company reports e.g. ‘The company lost a lot of money this

year’ is too informal. • Can be obfuscatory / cloudy

Standard Register: • Meetings or business discussions • Training manuals, business correspondence

Informal Register: • Talking with family and friends • Casual conversation • Slang, contractions, non-standard English, colloquialisms • Journalism e.g. ‘pollies’ for ‘politicians’; ‘Number four red’ for

‘the fourth highest official in the Chinese Communist Party’. • Advertising, brochures, personal letters • Shortening questions e.g. ‘You running the marathon?’ instead

of ‘Are you running in the marathon?’ Jargon:

• Words specific to an industry, occupation or activity e.g. modem, IT, byte, RAM.

______________________________________________________________

Clarity

• Plain English• standard register• write the way you

speak


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Be positive Module 9

Compare: Do not turn off your computer without saving your work.

With:

Save your work, then turn off your computer.

Compare: Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

With:

Feel free to call if you have any questions.

Action: Restate a negative statement in the positive. Describe what you want your reader to do, not what you want them to avoid.

Be positive

• Don’t double stack thin-grade cardboard boxes

vs.• Single stack allthin-grade cardboard boxes


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Avoid nominalisation Module 10

Avoid changing verbs into nouns. Use the verb; it’s more dynamic.

If you cannot: • see it • hear it • feel it • count it

then the noun is probably abstract.

Q. Which is easier to read?

ABSTRACT CONCRETE

They conducted an investigation They investigated. We made a decision. We decided. We reached an agreement. We agreed. The introduction of . . . By introducing . . . Submit an application. Apply for . . . Conduct an assessment. Assess . . .

Exercise:

Please locate any abstract nouns in your writing and turn them back into verbs. Clues to look for? Words ending in ‘ion’, ‘tion’, or ‘ment’.

Avoid nominalisation

• verbs into nouns

• concrete vs. abstract

• ‘decided’ vs. ‘made a decision’• ‘agreed’ vs. ‘reached an agreement’


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Bullets

• focus attention• emphasise• aid memory• organise• improve comprehension• summarise.

Bullet rules

• bullets and numbers should never be seen together

• save numbers for priority or date order

• use a simple dot or

square (not flowery icons or shapes)

• first word in lower

case

• no punctuation at end of each dot point

• show list is

complete by adding full stop at end of last dot point

• use parallel

construction

• be grammatically consistent

• If each dot point is a full sentence, start with a capital letter, end with a full stop.

• use only one bulleted list per page

• use maximum six dot points

• d o n o t j u s t i f y t e x t

• ragged right is preferred.


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Purpose

• give information• ask for information• request action• persuade, recommend or suggest

• create relationships, build goodwill

Write to your audience Module 12

Questions to ask yourself before writing:

Q. Who is your audience? Q. What content will capture their attention? Q. How much background knowledge can we assume they have?

WIIFM Principle - What’s in it for them?

Why would they want to read what you are writing?

Tone

§ ego-check: start with ‘you’ not ‘i’

§ empathy

§ neutrality

§ saving face


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Commas made simple - 1 Module 14

Remember the FANBOYS rule: F - For A - And N - Nor B - But O - Or Y - Yet S - So

Short, isolated sentences can make your writing sound ‘choppy’. Jane's car broke down. She bought a new one. She is very happy with it. One goal of good writing is to connect two short sentences into one complex sentence, correctly punctuated. Jane's car broke down, so she bought a new one. She is very happy with it. Joiner words allow writers to join sentences to eliminate choppiness. 'FANBOYS' is a handy mnemonic device (memory aid) to help you remember a way to splice two sentences together using a comma and a joiner word. 'And' and 'But' are most common of the seven joiner words. COMMON ERROR 1: RUN-ON SENTENCE I love chocolate ice cream she likes vanilla. We are going out to dinner I booked a babysitter. COMMON ERROR 2: COMMA-SPLICE I love chocolate ice cream, she likes vanilla.


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Commas made simple – 2 Module 14

We are going out to dinner, I booked a babysitter. A comma alone cannot join two complete sentences. 3 ways to fix: - keep comma and add a 'fanboys' - replace comma with a semi-colon - replace comma with a full stop and make two sentences. What is the FANBOYS rule? Use a comma with a 'fanboys' word when there’s a complete sentence (subject + verb) before and after. Example: I enjoyed the movie, and I want to see it again. The storm raged, but it didn’t spoil our fun. No comma If the sentence fragment coming after the ‘fanboys’ joiner word is NOT a sentence, do not use a comma. I enjoyed the movie and want to see it again. The storm raged but didn’t spoil our fun. Action: Watch for complete sentences within sentences and make sure you have a comma and a FANBOYS to join them.


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Memory Mapping

Memory Mapping is a diagramming technique for notes . . .

. . . using:

§ Branches

§ Keywords

§ Colour

-------‘Looping your ideas out onto paper enables you to perform re-organisation on ideas you can’t perform in imagination.’ ------- Andy Clark, Professor of Philosophy, Cognitive Science Program, Indiana University. Author of ‘Natural Born Cyborg: Minds, Technologies, and the Future of Human Intelligence’.


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Freewriting

‘Freewriting allows you to get something down on paper. It can be done whenever you want to write, or just to free up the writing self. The idea is to put anything on paper... Its point is to keep going,,and that is the only point.’

Janey Burroway, ‘Writing Fiction’.

4 Rules of brainstorming:

§ Quantity § Random § Suspend judgement § Springboard.

Applied to Freewriting:

Quantity - Write as fast as you can for a specific amount of time. Have a

time limit. Pen never leaves paper, fingers never leave keyboard. Do not

stop writing. Just keep writing.

Random – Write whatever comes to mind in the order it comes to you.

Suspend Judgement - about form, structure, grammar, spelling, etc. No

changes.

Springboard - If stuck, write about how stuck you are, or describe an

item near you or narrate the process of sharpening a pencil, anything.

Tip: Start with a prompt. Open a book and rewrite a sentence. As soon

as you think of words that would change or improve the piece, let that

take over and ignore the original.


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E-mail - 1 Module 17 Our world is now e-mailcentric. We can assume any e-mail message we send may be competing with 20 to 100 or more other e-mails for attention. Here are some tips for better writing of e-mails to guarantee your recipient reads and replies to your message. Entice with a meaningful subject header

Q. How do you feel when an e-mail arrives without a subject header?

Q. How do you feel when an e-mail arrives with a subject header from a topic long finished with?

First impressions count. Invest a little time to invent a subject-header arousing a ‘read me’ response. It also helps to categorise a message; the recipient can prioritise based on importance and urgency.

Meaningless: Information Also meaningless: New product launch Meaningful: Launch of downloadable parking vouchers Also meaningful: Revised schedule 13 Mar – 24 Aug Virus protection Be aware many viruses contain general, non-specific subject headers. Your recipient may decide to automatically delete a message to be safe.

Formatting - Font Be aware your recipient may not be able to read special fonts. Until technology changes again, best to use a common sans serif script such as Arial.

Times New Roman = Serif Arial = Sans Serif


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E-mail – 2

Plain Text Even if your e-mail program allows certain ‘rich text’ options (bold, italic, underlining), do not use them unless you are absolutely certain your reader’s system can reproduce these effects. A common way to emphasise as if a phrase is bold is to use *** asterisks *** before and after the word you wish to *** emphasise ***. All caps should be avoided unless it’s for one or two words for emphasis:

Compare: I want to emphasise e-mail is NOT PRIVATE! Failure to recognise this is dangerous!

With: I WANT TO EMPHASISE E-MAIL IS NOT PRIVATE! FAILURE TO RECOGNISE THIS IS DANGEROUS!

Q. How does it feel to be yelled at?

Avoid Underlining If you underline, your recipient might mistake it for a hyperlink and try unsuccessfully

to click through to a web page.

Keep it Short People find it harder to read words on-screen than on paper, so please keep it brief.

Use bullet points. Consider sending separate e-mails for separate topics, to

encourage fast, tit-for-tat communications.

2 Minute Rule: Aim to complete each e-mail within 2 minutes – both replies and new

messages. This is excellent Time Management and keeps the message concise.

Avoid the ‘cc:’ bottleneck – copy only those who absolutely must know about this

info


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‘explain’- not ‘provide an explanation’, ‘apply’- not ‘make an application’

Review

§ Write the way you speak

§ Use familiar, everyday words

§ Avoid unnecessary words

§ Just enough words for clarity

§ Average 22 words per sentence

§ Vary sentence length

§ Use active voice by using verbs, (not the nouns

derived from verbs)

§ Use ‘we’ and ‘you’ to engage the reader (except in

formal situation)

§ Break up dense strings of words

§ Avoid euphemisms, clichés, overused or trendy

words

§ Avoid double negatives

§ Not about eliminating niceties, courtesy.

‘the outline development plan land package release conditions’ ‘It’s a

no-brainer.’

‘not unlikely’


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Appendix


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Reports

Reports have a beginning, middle and end. Introduction:

• executive summary • objectives – state intention • background • reader’s perspective • gain attention • headlining – this report demonstrates how the organisation can cut costs by

10% without sacrificing quality. (think ‘how to’ . . . ) • your goal – earn a reading by creating a positive first impression. • get to the point

Middle:

• logical structure 1. past – present – future 2. global – local – specific 3. situation – problem - implication – options – recommendations

• maintain interest • visual devices – tables, graphs, bar charts, pie charts • bullet points • layout – headings, white space, • font style and size

End:

• summary • conclusion • end on a positive note or sense of authority • short

Appendix • add an appendix for detail (only 25% of readers want significant detail) • keeps the middle manageable


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Numbers

Sir Isaac Pitman who invented shorthand discovered just 700 words and their

derivatives make up 80 per cent of our conversation.

Since the New Oxford Shorter English Dictionary lists half a million words, then less

than 1 per cent of common words are used 80 per cent of the time.

PER CENT AND PERCENTAGES The spaced 'per cent' is recommended by the Australian Style Guide and both

Macquarie and Australian Oxford Dictionaries (even though the US and UK

increasingly use 'percent').

'Per Cent' is closer to the original Latin term 'per centum' meaning 'by the hundred'.

Australian rules on percentages:

• '%' symbol only with numerals e.g. 15%

• 'per cent' with either numeral or word e.g. 15 per cent, fifteen per cent.

(Be consistent though; when documents are mainly using numerals to describe

numbers, show percentages in numerals with the symbol.)

o 'percentage' is one word

CLARITY Numbers for comparison – when two series of numbers are being presented, one

series can be in words, the other in numerals:

‘Of the mothers of the 30 sets of triplets registered during the year, 8 had no

previous children, 8 had one child, 7 had two, 4 had three, and 2 had five

previous children.’


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Numbers - 2

When to write a number as a word:

§ Beginning of a sentence § For numbers one to ten § When number can be expressed as one or two words - thirty-

eight § Million § When two numbers fall next to each other § Date on a formal invitation – twenty-ninth of August, two

thousand and four

When to write a number as a figure:

§ Informal business writing § When number cannot be expressed in one or two words –

478 § Beginning of a bullet point § Numbers over ten § Parts of a book – chapter 3, page 4 § Time, measurement or money – 4.00 pm, 7 metres, $66.00

When to write both the figure and in words:

§ Legal § Faxcover number of pages § cheques

Numbers are easier to process mentally – and remember – if they are in groups of 1 to 4 digits

§ Use commas or spaces in longer numbers § Round up or down to simplify


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+ + Works Cited BE WELL READ

Author

Title

Publ. / ISBN Essential Strunk, William Jr and White, Edward

‘The Elements of Style’ Longman, USA, 2000 ISBN: 0 321 24 861 9 International edition

‘Thesaurus’ Any version Macquarie or Oxford Dictionary Snooks & Co. ‘Style Manual:

for authors, editors and printers, Sixth Edition’ John Wiley & Sons, Australia Sixth edition (2002) ISBN: 0 7016 3648 3

Recommended Truss, Lynn ‘Eats, shoots and leaves’ Bell, Arthur H ‘Writing Effective Letters & Memos’ Barron’s Educational

Series, NY (1997) ISBN: 0 8120 9824 2

Eagleson, Robert ‘Writing in Plain English’ AGPS Press, Canberra (1990)

Feierman, Joanne ‘Action Grammar: Fast answers on everyday usage and punctuation’

Simon & Schuster, NY (1995) ISBN: 0 684 80780 7

Forsyth, Patrick ‘Powerful Reports and Proposals’ Kogan Page Australia (2003) ISBN: 0 9750569 4 8

Long, Kim ‘Writing in Bullets: The new rules for maximum business communication’

Running Press, USA (2003) ISBN: 0 7624 1597 5

Want, Robert S ‘E-mail Essentials: A basic guide to e-mail style and etiquette’

Want publishing, NY (2000) ISBN: 0 942008 93 6

Watson, Don ‘Death Sentence: The Decay of Public Language’

Random House, Aust. (2003) ISBN: 1 74051 206 5

Whelan, Jonathan ‘E-mail @ Work’ Pearson Education Limited, London (2000) ISBN: 0 273 64465 3

Websites: www.ling.mq.edu.au/style/ www.shlrc.mq.edu.au/langques - some fun usage tests to do! www.askoxford.com/asktheexperts/faq/aboutgrammar/ Works Cited: Hunt, Ellen, et al. "Register." All American: Literature, History, and Culture. 1999. http://www.uncp.edu/home/canada/work/allam/1914-/language/register.htm (*). Orwell, George, ‘Politics and the English Language’, 1946.


http://www.ling.mq.edu.au/style/

http://www.shlrc.mq.edu.au/langques

http://www.askoxford.com/asktheexperts/faq/aboutgrammar/

http://www.uncp.edu/home/canada/work/allam/1914-/language/register.htm

Documents

BW Abbrev Workbook V9 Oct06 - brainpowertraining.com.au · Business Writing © Brainpower Training Pty Ltd 5 Hemingway’s rules • Use short sentences • Use short first paragraphs