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Build Your Confidence One
Step at a Time
Lynn Scott
Learning Objectives
At the end of the webinar you will:
▪ Know what confidence is and isn’t
▪ Recognise the limiting beliefs and mindsets that destroy
confidence (yours and those around you)
▪ Learn how to tame your inner critic
▪ Identify strategies to build and maintain confidence levels
Start with the end in mind…..
▪ Complete this sentence – if I had more confidence I would
stop………………and/or start…………………..
▪ Action leads to confidence, not the other way round.
▪ At the end of the webinar I will ask you – what is the first
action you are going to take? Start with one small step.
What is confidence?
My definition:
A belief or feeling that you can do something well and succeed
at something. Even if you don’t know how to do it YET you
trust that you can learn, make a start, experiment and grow.
(And no-one is 100% confident all the time).
Confidence combined with competence and caring is
a potent combination for building trust - particularly
for leaders
‘Confidence is being yourself. Arrogance is telling
others you’re better than they are. Confidence
inspires, arrogance destroys’.
Simon Sinek
Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks
Lack of confidence plays out in different ways.
▪ ‘I don’t have enough time’
▪ Silence
▪ People pleasing
▪ Creative avoidance
Lack of Confidence
▪ How does yours play out?
I’d like more confidence - Where do I
START?
Four Essentials of Confidence Building
1. Understand MINDSET
2. Recognise and change beliefs and stories
3. Make different choices
4. Decide on your first action
Fixed Mindset
Intelligence, ability, talent is fixed.
‘It’s just the way I am’
Downside: We stay stuck. We seek approval for who we are
because ‘this is all I have’
‘Upside’ This mindset keeps us ‘safe’. ‘If I don’t try, I won’t
fail’. Safe from rejection, ridicule, humiliation or whatever else
it is we fear.
Fear
Fight, flight, freeze,
appease
Stops us from accessing
our executive brain where
wisdom, judgement and
good decision making
reside.
Growth Mindset
Effort is valuable.
I have potential.
I know I can accomplish things if I put in the effort.
Mistakes are part of learning.
Mindset Examples (1)
Fixed: I hate networking. I’m no good at it and I’ll
never be any good at it as I’m shy. I’m going to stop
going to networking events
Vs:
Growth: I’m good at building relationships with one or
two people. I can do that at the next event.
Mindset Examples (2)
Fixed: I’m no good at presenting. I’ll get someone
else to do it.
Vs.
Growth: I’m not a great presenter YET. I’m going to
practise and get some feedback.
Mindset Strategies for you:
The word YET is helpful!
I haven’t got it figured out YET.
And my first step will be………..?.
Move towards what you want.
The ‘What if?’ mindset
What if I speak up and get shouted down?
What if I go for that promotion and don’t get it?
What if I give her some feedback and she cries?
The ‘What if?’ mindset
Stops us taking decisions or action.
Taps into our uncertainty.
We don’t KNOW what might happen and yet we FEAR
what might happen.
The brain hates uncertainty so we stay ‘frozen’.
What to do with ‘What if?’
Move towards what you want
Finish the What if? Sentence with a logical solution.
What if I speak up and get shouted down? (I want to
be heard)
If I speak up and get shouted down I will…
The Fixed Mindset and the Inner Critic
Welcome to your Inner
Critic (gremlin/chimp/self
saboteur/negative voice)
What is the purpose of our ‘inner critic’?
What does yours critic say? Some typical
‘inner critic’ scripts
I should/I ought/I must/I can’t
I’m not
I’m only……
Early ‘myths and legends’ swallowed whole!
‘They ‘f**k you up, your Mum and Dad.
They may not mean to, but they do
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you’.
Philip Larkin – This is the Verse
Beliefs or Truth?
Where’s the cold hard evidence for any of this?
Beliefs and stories are rarely ‘The Truth’
Beliefs are thoughts and thoughts can be changed or
‘reframed’
Reframing
▪ Question: How can I have confidence to push my
new service to people, I have no issue talking to
people but struggle with the slightly harder sell
▪ Better question……?
▪ Statement: ‘I hate networking’
▪ Better statement……?
What does your critic look like ?
Can you draw it?
Turn your critic into your best friend –
Meet my inner Amazonian
What beliefs are you noticing now
‘I won’t post a question on the chatbox because………’
‘That won’t work for me, because……’
Don’t judge, just notice.
Stop that thinking in its tracks
Press the Pause Button
Breathe out… and in.
Your ‘moment of choice’– default response or new
response?
This takes practice.
Final Question
What is the first action you are going to take?
For more information please contact
https://www.facebook.com/groups/effortlessleaders/
For access to my 20 minute masterclass (audio, video and
transcript plus more detailed ‘inner critic’ exercises), please get in
touch. It’s free for a limited time.
www.lynnscottcoaching.co.uk