BOOSTYOURSELF-CONFIDENCE:

A21-DAYCHALLENGETOHELPYOUACHIEVEYOURGOALSANDLIVEWELL

JUSTINALBERT

Copyright©2014byJustinAlbert

WHYYOUSHOULDREADTHISBOOK

Thisbookwillhelpyourenewyourself-confidenceandachieveyourpotential.Itunderstandsthestressorsofyourpastandyourpresent.Memoriesofyourpastforce you to doubt your sense of self and your abilities in the crowdedworldaroundyou.Youareunabletoformulateyourownopinions,andyouareunabletomakenewfriends.Thisbook’s21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallengeprescribesasinglethingtofocusoneverydayfor21days.Asyoufocusonyourinteriorlife,yourexterior lifewillbegin tobubblewithpositivity.Asyou renewyourmind’s strength, you’ll see the world with a fresh zeal. You’ll want to burstforth,achieveyourgoals,andreachself-fulfillment.Allowthisbooktohelpyoutakethefirststepstoridyourselfofpasttraumasandtrulyliveinthemoment.

TABLEOFCONTENTS.WhyYouShouldReadThisBookTableofContentsChapter1.Self-Confdience:AJumpingOffPointfortheRestofYourLifeChapter2.LackofSelf-Confidence:WhyIt’sNotYourFaultChapter3.TakingaSelf-Inventory:UnderstandingYourselfonaMoreIntimateLevelChapter4.Days1-4ofYour21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallenge:AStep-by-StepPlantoGainSelf-ConfidenceandFeelEmpowered:AUtilizationofNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingChapter5.Days5-8ofYour21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallenge:ConfidencetoStrengthenYourSocialInteractionsChapter6.Days9-12ofYour21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallenge:ConfidenceinYourRomanticLifeChapter7.Days13-16ofYour21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallenge:ConfidencetoFindSuccessatWorkorSchoolChapter8.Days17-20ofYour21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallenge:ConfidencetoDeepenYourGoalAchievementsinAllLifeAreasChapter9.Day21ofYour21-DaySelf-ConfidenceChallenge:MovingForwardAboutTheAuthorOtherBooksBy:JustinAlbert

CHAPTER1.SELF-CONFIDENCE:AJUMPINGOFF

POINTFORTHERESTOFYOURLIFE

Self-confidenceisthemostimportantattributeyoucanhave.Itgivesyoutheaffirmationtomoveforward,toreachtowardyourgoalsandattainself-actualization.Yourpotentialemployersandteachershopetoworkwithself-confidentindividualsinordertomaintainproductionintightschedules.Theyaspiretoworkwithsomeonewhobelievesinawholesome,completeproduct.Allparentshopetocreatechildrenwithcompleteself-confidenceinordertoallowthemanextraboostintheworkandeducationculture.Withself-confidence,youcanfindyourselflivingfluidlywithfriendsbyyourside,withemployersspeakingtoyoulikeanequalratherthananemployee.Youcanoperatewithnewideas,areunafraidofthefuture,andacceptyourselfthewayyouare.

WHATISSELFCONFIDENCE?Self-confidenceisanoverarchingattitude.Itisafeelingaboutyourselfthatallowsyoutoholdultimatepositivitywithanassuredsenseofreality.Inotherwords:itallowsyoutoseetheverybestofeverysituationinthepropercontext.Forexample,youtrustyourownabilitiesandfeelincontrolofyourlife—toapoint.Youunderstandthatyoucannotdoeverything;yourabilitieslimityoufromcertainactions.Youmayhavetheabilitytoplaybasketballbecauseyouhaveexcellentreflexes,haveanappropriateheight,andcandribblebetweenyourlegs.Theseareyourabilities.However,theseabilitiesdonottransfertootherrealms.Forexample,justbecauseyoucandribblebetweenyourlegsandhaveincredibleheightdoesn’tmeanyou’llhavetheabilitytoswimamileinapool.Yourabilitiestransferonlytospecificareasofyourlife,and,ifyouhaveself-confidence,youunderstandtherealityofthat.However,yourlackofabilityinoneareadoesnotaffectyouroverall“mission”intheworld.Youunderstandyourpurpose,yourgoals,andyouhavetheabilitiestoreachthem.Youexpecttofeelrespectfromyourpeersforyourabilitiesandgoals,andyouthereforelendyourownrespecttoyourpeersfortheirgoals.Furthermore,youmaintainasenseofhumor.Youdon’tfeeltheweightoftheworld;rather,youattainyourgoalswithouttheunduestressthatafflictsthemajorityofpeople.Evenwithyourlackofstress,youarehardworkinganddependable.Youdon’thavenegativestresspushingyoutosucceed;yousimplyhaveadrivetosucceedforyourself,forthebettermentofyourpersonalgoals.

WHENDOYOUHONEYOURSELF-CONFIDENCE?Yourself-confidence,orgeneralself-esteem,stemsfromyourveryearlydevelopment:yourchildhoodexperiencesandthewaysyourememberthem.You’llunderstandthewaysinwhichthesechildhoodexperiencescreatepoorself-confidenceinthenextchapter.Fortunately,youcandriveforwardfromthesepastexperiencestoformulatenewideasofself-confidence,ofself-worth.Inordertofuelnewself-confidence,youmustadoptnewbehaviors.Thesebehaviorsmustaffirmyourbeliefinyourself;theymustbeaction-oriented,readytochargesignalstoyourbrainthatyouhaveworth,thatyouhavevalue.Self-confidenceisallaboutassuringyourinteriorselfthatyourexteriorselfhas

value.

CREATINGABONDBETWEENACTIONANDBELIEFYourcurrentperceptionofyourselfisyourbelief-structure.Therefore,ifyoubelievethatyou’renotstrong,ifyoumaintainthatyou’reincapable,youlackself-confidenceandwillthereforefindnoreasontomeetyourgoalsorsucceedinyourlife.Fortunately,youractionscanactuallyalteryourbeliefs.Ifyouactlikesomeonewhoisself-confident;ifyouradiateself-confidencethroughallyoudoandsay,youractionswillbegintofeedyourperceptionofyourself.Youcanalteryourinteriorbelief-systemandbegintofeellikeaself-confidentpersonontheinside.Thiswillallowyoutoreachtowardyourgoals,towardamorezealoussenseofself.Looktothebehaviorsofaself-confidentpersonandbegintomatchwhattheydo.Evenifyourinteriorselfisalittle“off”andlackinginself-confidence,youcanbegintocarryadifferentposture,adifferentmanner.Whenyourmanneralignswiththatofaself-confidentperson,youcanfeedabetterinteriorsenseofself.

6BEHAVIORSRADIATINGINASELF-CONFIDENTPERSONLookforself-confidentpeopleinyourlifeandtrytounderstandthemalittlebitbetter.Theyarenotnaturallyself-confidentandhappyeverysingleday.Everyonehasbaddays,justlikeyou.However,theyunderstandhowtoaltertheirunhappy,not-so-confidentdaysinordertofuelthemselvesthroughtheiractionswithsureenergy.Asyouspeakwiththemandmonitortheirbehaviors,trytofindallsevenofthesebehaviorsintheiractionsandwords.

1. THEYAREWILLINGTOACCEPTCOMPLIMENTS.

Whenwasthelasttimeyoudidn’tsidestepacompliment?Usually,acomplimentleavesyouspiralingoutofcontrol,refutingit.Theseself-confidentpeoplehearexpressionsofinterest,ofhonorfromtheirpeers,andtheydon’trefutethem.Instead,theyaregraciousandaccepting.Theyunderstandthejoysofgiving,andtheyallowtheirpeerstoreceivethatjoyofgivingbyacceptingthegiftofacompliment.Theself-confidentpeopleshowcompleteappreciation.

2. THEYRETAINPOSITIVITYINEVERYCONVERSATION.

Howoftendoyouslidefrominitialgreetingstocomplaintsaboutwhatyouhavetodolater,howmuchofadragyourlifeisrightnow,orhowcrappytheweatheris?Self-confidentpeopledonotslidefrompositivity.Instead,theydiscusstheirliveswithjoyandengagementwhileaskingpositive-orientedquestionsoftheirconversationpartner.

3. THEYVIEWLIMITLESSPOTENTIALANDOPPORTUNITY.

Howoftendoyouviewalife-setbackasanopportunity?Probablynever.It’sdifficulttoseebeyondtheinitialfailuretoanewopportunity.Self-confidentpeople,ontheotherhand,ratchetforwardfromthisinitialsetbackwithpositivityandasenseofoptimism.Theyviewthisinitialfailureasacleanslate,aperfectjumping-offpoint.Theydon’tallowthefailuretorattletheirsenseofself.

4. THEYFALLAWAYFROMSELF-PROMOTION.

Doyoufindyourselfbragginginordertofeelapprovalfromothers?Self-confidentpeopledon’tfeeltheneedtoshoutouttheiraccomplishments.Theyholdcompletemodestyanddonotfeeltheintensedesiretobringattentiontothemselves.Ifyoufindyourselfbraggingoften,youprobablyfeelthatyoudon’tdeserverespectwithoutcallingoutforit.

5. THEYPROJECTINTERNALCONFIDENCE.

Yourecognizeaself-confidentpersonwhenyoumeethimonthestreet.Hegreetsyouwitheyecontactandamodestsmile.Hispostureistall,hisgesturesareconfident.Hisbodylanguageisscreaminghisself-confidence.Howdoyoutalkandwalk?Doyouwalkslowly,slouching?Doyougreetpeoplewithasmileorafrown?Everythingyoudoeithertranslatesyourself-confidenceorlackofesteem.

6. THEYACTAGAINSTTHEIRDOUBTSWITHPOSITIVEACTION.

Above,youlearnedaboutaligningyourbeliefswithyouractions.Self-confidentpeopledonotlingeronbeliefsthatfuelthemwithdoubt.Instead,theytakeactionandboosttheirproduction,thusaffirminganybeliefsthattheycandowhateveritwastheywereabitdoubtfulabout.Theybusytheirmindswithsolutionsratherthantheirbeliefsintheproblems.

CHAPTER2.LACKOFSELF-CONFIDENCE:WHYIT’SNOTYOURFAULT

Lowself-confidenceandlackofself-respectcanstemfrommanyplaces.Becausethislowself-confidencebecomessimplyapartofyou,it’ssometimesdifficulttoseeitassomethingindependentofyourself.Itwas,atonetime,simplysomethingseparatethatassimilatedintoabetter,happieryou.Thislowself-confidenceformulateditselfinyouatperhapsanearlyage,andyourbehaviorbegantoaffirmyourbeliefthatyouwerenotgoodenough,thatyoudidn’tdeserverespectfromyoupeers.

10HIDDENREASONSFORYOURLOWSELF-CONFIDENCE

Understandthewaysinwhichlowself-confidencebecamethebubblingmonsterinsideyou,inhibitingyoufromyourtrueaspirationsandfromfruitfulhumanrelationships.Ofcourse,lowself-confidencecanstemfrommany,manypersonalevents.Thesetenaregenerallyinclusive.Theyarethemostcommonreasonsforadultlowself-confidencetoday.

1. YOUHADANUNINVOLVEDPARENTORCAREGIVER.

Duringyourfirstyears,youwereparticularlysusceptibletoyourparentorcaregiver’sthoughts.Youwereawarewhenyoudidsomethingtopleasethemorwhenyoudidsomethingentirelydispleasing,likemakingamessofthekitchen.However,ifyourparentwaspreoccupiedoruninvolvedwithyouasachild,youfeltnodesireorneedtopushyourselftoachieve.Whenyoudidachievesomething,yourparentorcaregivergavenopraiseornonotice.Therefore,yourachievementbecameunimportanttoyoubecauseitheldnolightinyourparent’seye.Thisinitialfeelingthateverythingyoudodoesn’tmattercanleaveyouradultselfwiththefeelingthatyouarenotaccountableandthatnoonecaresaboutyou.Youcanfeelunrecognized,disrespected.Oftentimes,ifyouhavethesecarryoverfeelingsfromyourpast,youapologizeforeverythingyoudo,evenifthatthingisgood.

2. YOUHADADISAPPROVINGPARENTORCAREGIVER.

Yourfirstyearswerespenthearingthatwhateveryoudidwasn’tgoodenough.Theachievementsyouproducedatschoolorinyourpersonallifewerealwaysmetwithparentcriticism.Thisexcessivecriticismleavesyoufeelingunconfidentinyourbody;itleavesyouwiththeshameofconstantfailure.

3. YOUHADPARENTSINCONSTANTCONFLICT.

Ifyourparentsoftenfoughtwhenyouwereachild,youmayhaveabsorbedthenegativeemotionsofyourhousehold.Oftentimes,childrenfeeloverwhelmed,liketheycausedtheconflictandthe

disturbancebetweentheirparents.Ifthishappenedtoyou,youmaycarrythefeelingofbeingtainted,likeeverythingyoutouch,everythingyouinvolveyourselfinbecomesscarred.

4. YOUWEREBULLIEDANDYOUHADOVER-SUPPORTIVEPARENTS.

Itseemsbizarretolinkalackofself-confidenceandover-supportiveparents.However,ifyouwerebulliedinschoolandyouweremetwithparentswhotriedtohideyoufromtheterrorsoftheworld,youmaybeunpreparedtohandlethegreaterworldasanadult.Youwereunabletodevelopanouterlayerofprotection.Therefore,whenyoutrytoembarkintotheworld,youfeelill-prepared.Furthermore,yourfeelingoflackofpreparationisshamefultoyou,leavingyoutoretreatbacktofamiliarityinyourparent’shome.Youfeelyourparent’shighopinionofyou;however,youunderstandthatyoujustdon’tfitintheexteriorworld.Therefore,youfeelaninteriorconflictbetweenthesetwoviewpoints.Youfeelthatyouaren’tgoodenoughtofaceanythingthatyoudon’talreadyunderstand.

5. YOUWEREBULLIEDANDYOUHADUNSUPPORTIVEPARENTS.

Tocounterbullyingwithover-supportiveparents,ifyouwerebulliedandyouhadunsupportiveparents,youareplaguedwithalackofself-confidence.Youfeltunsafeoutsideofyourhomeenvironmentonlytoreturntoahomewithoutsupport,withoutlove.Youfelthopelessinyoureverydaylife,andyoubroughtthesefeelingsintoyouradultlife.Yousensepredatorsinallthepeopleyoumeet,andyoutendtofeelthatanyonewhobefriendsyouisdoingyouafavor.

6. YOUWEREBULLIEDANDYOUHADUNINVOLVEDPARENTS.

Ifyouwerebulliedonlytoreturntoahomewithoutattention,withoutnoticeofyourexteriorproblems,youfeltshortchanged.Youfeltunsafeinyourexteriorworldandunnoticedinyourhomelife.Thisformedideasofisolationinyou,leavingyoutofeelthatnoonewantedtolistentoyourproblems.Noonewantedtogiveyouadvice.Yourisolationmaylingerwithyouinyouradultlife,leavingyouunabletotalkoutyourproblemsbecauseyoudon’tfeellikethey’reimportantto

otherpeople.

7. YOUWEREAVICTIMOFACERTAINTRAUMA.

Drasticphysical,emotional,orsexualabusebringsadeepsenseoflowself-confidenceandlackoftrustinyouradultlife.Youwereforcedintoastrangeemotionalorphysicalpositionasachild,andyouradultselfhasdifficultytrustinganyoneelse.Youmayblameyourselfforyourpasttraumainordertotrytounderstandthetraumabetter,inordertomakeityourown.Youmayviewyourselfasashamefulperson,apersonwhodeservedwhatyouwentthroughwhenyouwereyounger.Inyouradultlife,youmaynotfeelworthyenoughtoreachtowardyourgoalsorhavemeaningfulrelationshipswithpeople.

8. YOUWEREMETWITHACADEMICCHALLENGESWITHOUTPARENTSUPPORT.

Yourschooldayswerefilledwithultimateconfusion.Youslippedfurtherandfurtherbehindinyourstudiesandfeltthatnoonesteppedintoaccommodateyou,toassistyouwithyouracademicendeavors.Therefore,yougrewupfeelingstupidor“lessthan.”Asanadult,youdoubtyourselfandyourabilities.Youdon’tshareyourownopinionsbecauseyoufeelthattheyaresomehowdefectiveorundefined.Youfeelultimateshameinyourintelligenceabilities.

9. YOUWERENEGATIVELYAFFECTEDBYTHEMEDIA.

Asachild,youfeltyoucouldn’tmeasureupagainsttheimagesonmagazines,onbillboards.Youwereneverasthinorasbeautifulasthosepeople.Unfortunately,thoseimageswereairbrushed,altered.Thepeopledisplayedlackedrealisticqualities.Unfortunately,thisfeelingofinadequacymeetsyouaroundeveryturneveninyouradultlifeastheairbrushingepidemicworsens.Evenifyourultimatelackofself-confidencestemsfromadifferentchildhooddilemma,thisfeelingofinadequacyinthemediastrengthensyournegativefeelings.

10. YOUWEREAPARTOFAPARTICULARBELIEFSYSTEM.

Manybeliefsystemspegyouintoaplaceofperpetualsin.Asachild,youfeltlikeyouwerecontinuallydoingwrong,thatyounevermeasuredup.Youfelteternalguiltandshameduringworship,andthispassedontoyoureverydaylife.Youcontinuallyfeeldisappointmentatyourinabilitytoreachperfection.

Theseunfortunatecircumstancesleadtolowself-confidence.However,theseexperiencesdonotmonitoryourentirelifeifyoutakeimmediateaction.Youcanalterthesenseofyourselfthatyoucurrentlyhold.Youcanlookatyourhistoryinadifferentcontextandunderstandthatthefaultwasoftennotyours.Youcanunderstandthatthepeoplewhoaffectedyourperceptionoftheworldasayoungchildhadgreat,lowself-confidence,justlikeyoudonow.Youcanrectifyyourcurrentfeelingsinordertostopthecycle.Youdon’thavetopassonthelowself-confidencetoyourchildren,toyourfriends.Everyoneholdshisownpathtofeelsafe,tofeelself-confidenceinhiseverydaylife.Yourpathtofindjoyandforgivenessforbothyourselfandyourpastisdifferentthananyoneelse’s.However,youmusttryasbestasyoucantoridyourselfofyourlifediscomfortinordertofindinfiniteself-confidenceandself-affirmation.

CHAPTER3.TAKINGASELF-INVENTORY:UNDERSTANDINGYOURSELFONAMOREINTIMATE

LEVEL

Yourlowself-confidenceisforcingyouawayfromyourgoalsandyourtruedesiresinlife.Youunderstandthatyourpastprobablyhadagreatdealtodowithyoucurrentfeeling,andyouunderstandthatyoumustbegintoactmoreconfidentinordertochangeyourbeliefsinyourself.However,there’smoretoachievingcompleteinteriorsuccessthanallthat.Inordertomoveforwardfromyourcurrentdisdainforyourself,yourcurrentlowself-esteem,youmustcreateaself-inventory.Youmusttreatyourselflikeamanagerwouldtreathisstore,forexample.Amanagerwouldtakeinventoryinordertoavoidexcessandmakeroomfornewthingsinhissupply.Currently,onagenerallevel,youunderstandthatyouhavefartoomuchlowself-esteeminyourinventory.Youneedtoclearitouttomakeroomforinteriorgrowth.Ifyoudon’ttakeself-inventoryofyourself,youwillcarrythedeadweightfromyourpastalongwithyoufortherestofyourlife.Itwillpushyouawayfromyourgoals;itwillhurtyourchancesofsuccess.Furthermore,youneedtocreateabetterenvironmentforyourself.Yourcurrentenvironmentisoneinwhichyoufeelalackofself-confidence.Isthislackofself-confidencepurelyinternal,ordoesitstematallfromanegativeenvironment?Aselfinventorywillallowyoutoassessyourpersonalsituation.

QUESTIONSTOTAKESELFINVENTORYAskyourselfthefollowingquestionsinordertoassessyourlifeonaverypersonallevel.Answerthequestionswithcompletetruth.Remember,youcanonlymoveforwardtoself-confidencewithagoodperceptionofyourreality,withoutthebadthingsyou’vebeencarryingaroundwithyou,andinagoodenvironment.

1. DOESYOURLIFEAFFECTOTHER,SURROUNDINGPEOPLEINANEGATIVEORPOSITIVEWAY?

Doyoufindthatyouractionsorwordsnegativelyaffectotherpeople?Doyoufindthatyouractions—eveniftheycomefromaverydeep,resentfulplaceoflowself-confidence—hurtyourfriendsorfamily?Alternately,doyoufindthatyouractionspromoteothersaroundyou?Doyoufindthatyouareoftenbuildingotherpeopleupwithyourwords?Dopeoplefeelinspirationfromyou?

2. WHATAREYOURMORNING,AFTERNOON,ANDEVENINGROUTINES?

Thinkaboutyourdailyroutine.Thinkabouthowyouwakeupinthemorning,whatyouusuallyhaveforbreakfast,towhomyouspeak,howyougettowork,andhowyougethome.Thinkabouteveryactionyoumakethroughoutthedayandthinkaboutitsdirectresult.Areyouseeingtheresultsyouwantoutofyoureverydaylife,ordoyoufeelthatyourdaysarelackingsomething?Trytoalterafewofyourroutinesinordertoproducedifferentresults.Forexample,ifyoufeellikeyou’reoverweight,youcouldbeginwakingupalittlebitearlyandgoingforawalkorajog.Justthissimpleactofchangingabitofyourroutinecouldaltertherestofyourday’sactions.

3. WHAT,DOYOUTHINK,ISGOODABOUTYOU?

Sooftenyou’retoldnottospoutyourownpraises.Thisisbothtrueandfalse.Asmentionedinchapterone,youshouldn’tspoutyourownpraisesinordertoreceivepraisefromotherpeople.Thisshowsalackofbeliefinyourownabilities.However,understandingwhatyou’re

goodatonapersonallevelisincrediblyimportant.Askyourself:whatisgoodaboutyou?Whatwouldyousayareyourbest,mostpersonalstrengths?Doyoufindyourselfmotivatedbybeautifulthings?Areyoucreative?Doyouhavealoveofmathematics?Ifyouunderstandwhatyourstrengthsare,youcanpushyourselfdowntheseparticularareasinordertoachieveyourutmostsuccess.Youcanpaintabetterpictureofthepersonyouarerightnow,ratherthanthepersonyouwereinthepast.Ifyoudon’tunderstandyourstrengthsandonlyknowyourweaknesses,youwillgiveyourselfnorealroomtogrow.

4. WHATGIVESYOUSTRENGTHORMAKESYOUFEELINSPIRED?

Thinkaboutyourlife.Whatinyourlifegivesyouthestrengthtogetupeverymorning?Whathashelpedyoucomeasfarasyou’vecome?What,forexample,inspiredyoutoreadthisbookandworkforbetterself-confidence?Whenyouunderstandthat,youcanbegintonourishyourinspirationandbecomeevenstronger.

5. WHOMDOYOUADMIREINYOURLIFE?

Thinkingaboutwhomyouadmireinyourlifeallowsyoutounderstandthequalitiesheorshehasandhow,exactly,heorsheutilizesthosequalities.Now,thinkabouthowthatpersonmightthinkaboutyou.Whatqualitieswouldheorshesaytheyadmireinyou?Listthem.

6. WHENANDWHEREDOYOUFEELMOSTTRULYYOURSELF?

It’simportanttoknowwhenyoufeelmostlikeyourself.Thinkabouttheenvironmentyou’reinwhenyoufeelthatway,andtrytoreplicatethescenarios.Inordertofeelcompletelyself-confident,you’llwanttofeellikeyou’rerepresentingyourverybestself.Therefore,aknowledgeofhowtobeyourbestselfallthetimeisincrediblyimportant.Whatkindofpeopleareyouaround?Aretheythesortofpeoplethatbuildyouuportearyoudown?Istheenvironmentaplaceknowntoyouorunknown?

7. WHATMAKESYOURPEERSCOMETOYOU?WHATISYOURPARTICULARGIFTTHATATTRACTSTHEMTOYOU?

Thinkaboutyourselfinthecontextofyourpeers.Everyonehassomethinghe’sgoodat.Everyoneisseparatefromeveryoneelseinveryspecificways.There’ssomethingthatyouhavethatisspecial,thatbringspeopletoyouaskingforassistanceoradvice.Thinkaboutit.Areyouespeciallygoodatcooking?Areyouagoodwriter?Doyouhaveathleticskills?There’ssomethingthatmakesyoucompletelyyou.

CREATEYOUROWNSELF-PORTRAITFROMTHISSELF-INVENTORYRememberhowyouansweredeachquestionandbegintowritedownthingsyoulikeaboutyourself.Next,writedownthingsthatmakeyoudifferentfromeveryoneelse.Ifyouseethewaysyouaredifferentfromeveryoneelse—innewandvibrantways—you’llbegintounderstandyouruniquepersonalityandyouruniqueplaceintheworld.Makeasortofscrapbookutilizingpersonalphotos,magazineclippingsofthingsyouliketodo,orpicturesofpeopleyouadmire.Lookatthescrapbookanytimeyouwanttotakeaself-inventoryandimagineyourverybestself.Ifyou’rehavingabadday,pullouttheself-inventoryquestionsandremindyourselfallthethingsyou’regoodatandallthethingspeopleappreciateaboutyou.Youdon’thavetothinknegativelyaboutaspecificeventthatyoucouldn’tcontrol;youdon’twantsomethingyoucouldhavecontrolledtohavenegativeeffectsonyourprogresstowardself-confidence.Therefore,whensomethingbadhappens,focusonallthepositivityinyourlife.Bringyourmindtoadifferentrealmofthought.Updateyourself-inventoryeveryfewmonths.Alteryourwrittennotesaboutyourbestselfandreassignpicturestoyourscrapbook.Becauseyou’realwayschangingandworkingtowardabetterself-confidence,abetterfeelingaboutyourself,yourself-inventorywillhavechanged.Watchyourscrapbookchangeoveraperiodofyearsandfeelyourconfidencegrowing.

CHAPTER4.DAYS1-4OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:ASTEP-BY-STEPPLANTOGAINSELF-CONFIDENCEANDFEELEMPOWERED:AUTILIZATIONOFNEURO-LINGUISTICPROGRAMMING

Takejusttwenty-onedaystorenewyourself,tofuelyourselfwithself-confidenceandaboostofself-esteem.Taketwenty-onedaystorevyourenginesandtakeofffromthestandstillinwhichyoufindyourself.You’rebattlingbackagainstyourpast:thepastthatforcedyoudownthisroadoflowself-confidence.You’rebattlingbackagainstyourinteriorvoice:thevoicethattellsyouthatyouareinvalid,thatyoucan’tdoanything.You’regrabbingyoursenseofworthandtakingsmallsteps,everysingleday,tofeelarenewedsenseofpower.Duringthischapter,you’lltakejustoneelementofNeuro-LinguisticProgramming’stechnologyeverydayinordertofuelyourselfandprepareyourselffortheremainingdaysofthe21-DayProgram.

NEURO-LINGUISTICPROGRAMMINGANDSELF-CONFIDENCE

Neuro-LinguisticProgrammingisthescienceofsuccess,ofexcellence.Itanalyzesthetoppeopleineachfieldinordertoprescribehowthosepeoplethink,feel,andact.Itsthoughtisthatanyonecanlearnhowtofeel,think,andactlikethesepeople,thusreachingtheirownpersonalsuccessheights.Essentially,Neuro-LinguisticProgrammingprovidesalinkbetweenhowyouthinkyourinteriorthoughts,howyoucommunicateonbothaverbalandnon-verballandscape,andhowyoubehaveorworkthroughyouremotions.Becauseyouholdwithinyouawealthofneurology,youareconstantlyconveyinginteriorthoughtswithinformationfromyourenvironment.Becauseyouareacommunicativeanimal,youimmediatelybringthatinformationtolightutilizinglinguisticsounds.Youtransferperceptionsandbeliefsintowords,intocommunication.Thegeneral,overallanalysisofyourgrowthintoahumanbeingwithpatterns,withbothinternalandexternalbehaviors,describesyourprogramming.Therefore,howyouthinkillustratestheNeuropathways;howyoucommunicateillustratesthelinguisticpathways;howyoubehaveillustratesyourinteriorprogramming.Neuro-LinguisticProgrammingbelievesthatifyoucanoutlinehowthesedifferentpathwaysconnect,youcanunderstandpreciselyhowyouoperateinyourexterior,socialinteractions.Youcananalyzehowself-confidentpeopleoperatetheirparticularmechanisms,andyoucanlearntomatchtheiroperations.Whenyoumatchtheseself-confidentpeople’smannerisms,youarepracticingacorebeliefofNeuro-LinguisticProgramming.Youaremodeling.WhenyoupracticeNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingtechniques,you’llbegintoobservehumansinanentirelydifferentway.You’llseedifferentlinguisticandbehavioralpatternsthatalertyoutopeople’sinherentself-confidenceorlackthereof.Understandingthewaysinwhichthesepeoplecommunicate,however,willallowyoutocommunicatemorefruitfullywiththem.Asyoubegintodiagnosehowthesepeoplecommunicate,you’llhavetheabilitytoturntheconversationwhereyouwantittogo.Forexample,iftheconversationislingeringonthenegativeside,you’llhavetheabilitytoeasetheconversationtowardamorepositivelight.Asmentionedinpreviouschapters,self-confidentindividualsthriveonpositivity;positivewordsshedmorelightonthesefeelings,thusrejuvenatingthemonaninteriorlevel.Youractionsspeaktoyourbeliefs

andstrengthenthem.

SUBMODALITIESANDCHANGINGTHEMEANINGOFTHEPASTAnotheruniqueconceptofNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingistheideaof“mapping”orsubmodalities.Youhaveamapofyourrealitythatiscompletelyunique.Thisisbecausethewayyouperceivetheworldiscompletelydifferentthanthewaysotherpeopleperceivethissameworld.Youarecomplexinthatthethingsthathappenedtoyouasachildalteredyouandformedyouintowhoyouaretoday,andthesesamethingsdidnothappeninthesame,particularwaytootherpeople.Youstoredeverythingthateverhappenedtoyouwiththeuseofyourfivesenses.Whenyoubringthesamepatternofsensesbackintoyourmind,youcanactuallyrelivetheexperience.Youcanseethesamevisualpatternsandcolors;youcanhearthesamemusic;youcanfeelthesametextureorsmellthesamesmell.Inordertoalteryourrealityandpushbackagainstthingsinyourpastthatarebreakingyoudownandforminglowself-confidenceinyourpresentlife,youcanactuallyadjustthememoryofthesesenses.Youcanchangethemeaningofthepastbybringingnewideasdownyourneuralpathways.Whenyouofferyourbrainabetterwaytorememberapastevent,yourbrainwillgraspatit.Thisalignswellwiththeideaofevolution:anorganismwillevolveforthebettermentofitself,justasyourneuralpathwayswillreorganizetheirmemoriesforabetter,morefruitfulinteriorlife.Withenoughpractice,youcantrainyourbraintorememberonlythemade-upunderstandingofaneventratherthanthepast,actualevent.Youneedtodropapastfeelingofsomethinginordertorejuvenateyourselfandfuelyourselfintoanewbeginning.Inturn,thisreducesyourinteriorsensesofstress,thereforegivingyourneuralpathwaysamuch-neededbreak.Stressfromyourpastlingeringinyourneuralpathwaysdoesnothingforyouonapersonalleveloronamolecularlevel.Yourbrainwillbehappytoleteverythinggo.

NEURO-LINGUISTICPROGRAMMINGANDANCHORINGDoyouknowthestoryofPavlov’sdogs?AsresearcherPavlovwenttofeedhisdogs,henoticedthathisdogsalreadyhadspitandslimecomingfromtheirmouthsinpreparationforthemealtheywereabouttoingest.Therefore,hisdogs’digestivesystemswereanticipatingthecomingoffood.

Pavlovwasinterestedinthisconditionedideathatthedogs’interiordigestivesystemscouldbegintoprepareforfoodwithoutfirsteating.Inordertoexplorethisideamorereadily,hebeganringingabelleverytimehegavethedogstheireveningmeal.Thedogsbegantoassociatethebellwiththemeal.Afterseveraldays,Pavlovrangthebellbutdidnotdeliverthefood.Hesaw,however,thatthedogsweresoconditionedtothebellringingthattheirdigestivesystemshadalreadybeguntooperate.Slobberwasslidingfromtheirmouths.Anchoringisclassicalconditioning.Whenyouanchorsomething,youassociateone,completelydifferentthing,withaspecificexperience.InPavlov’sdogs’case,theyassociatedtheringingbellwiththeexperienceofeatingandfeelingnourished.TheutilizationofanchoringinNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingisthis:whenyouanchoranexperienceorafeelingwithanitem,youcanbringthefeelingorexperiencebacktoyourmindreadilywhenyouhaveaphysicalrepresentationoftheanchor.Youcanutilizeananchor,forexample,tomakeyourselffeelhowhappyyouwerewhenyousawsomeoneyouhadn’tseenforaverylongtime.Youcansqueezeyourearandthinkabouthowhappyyouwereoverandover.Afterawhile,whenyousqueezeyourear,you’llfeelthathappinessonceagainwithouteventrying.Youcanactuallyalteryourcurrentmoodbytraveling,viayouranchor,toadifferentstateofmind.

DAYS1-4OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:ASTEP-BY-STEPPLANTOGAINSELF-CONFIDENCEANDFEELEMPOWERED

Thedaysleadinguptoyour21-daySelf-ConfidenceChallenge,youmustprepareyourselftobeinagoodmentalstate.Thismentalstateallowsyoutotryyourabsolutebesttoassimilateintotheroutineyou’reattemptingtoinstate.Youareattemptingtofeelvalidenoughtomeetnewpeople,toreachtowardyourgoals,andfeelasenseofvitality.Rememberthatgoingintothis,youmustsetrealisticexpectationsforyourself.Attheendofthis21-daychallenge,forexample,youwillstillhavenegativethoughts.Youwillstillexistinthesamestrainofyourenvironment.Yourparentswillstillcriticizeyou;yourjobwillstillirritateyou.However,afterthisprogram,thewayyouactandreceivetheinformationfromyourenvironmentwillbecompletelydifferent.Youwillnolongerfeellowself-confidencemovingforward.Instead,you’llhandleeachindividualproblemasapersonwithself-confidence.You’llseeyourselfasavalidpartofsociety,worthyofeveryone’srespect.Youwillnotreachperfection.Perfectioniscompletelyunattainable.However,ifyouremembertoutilizethese21DaysofTips,yourself-confidencewillbeginitsblossom.Rememberthatthischallengeisnotaget-confident-quickscheme.Instead,itisarenewedwayoflife.Youmustre-dressthewayyoulive,alterthewayyouthinkinordertomaintaintruechange.

DAY1:ENGAGEINAPOWERFULVISUALEXERCISEYourfirstdayofthe21-Daychallengefindsyoure-evaluatingyoursenseofyourfutureself.Thetechniqueutilizesyourmostpowerfulsense:yourvisualsense.Theexercisecreatesadifferentneuralpathwayandadifferentwaytocommunicateyournewneuralunderstandingtoyourselfandtoothers.Therefore,itbringsaconnectionbetweenyourneuralandlinguisticpathways,alteringyourultimatebehavior.ItisaNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingtechniqueatitsfinest.Findyourselfaquiet,semi-darkarea.Makesureyou’recompletelyalone.Beginbyassimilatingyourselfinapeacefulstate.Inhaleandexhaleveryslowly.Bringyourheartbeattoalull.Feeleverypartofyourbody.Whenyoufeelpeaceful,openyoureyesandimagineamirrorsittinginfrontofyou.Insidethemirror,youseeyourself.However,thatimageisalittlebitdifferent.Thatimageisaself-confident,successfulyou.Imaginethe“you”inthiscontext.Imaginehowthispersonwalks,talks,andbehavesinyourusualsettings.Arethesebehaviorsdifferentthanyourusualbehaviors?Next,placeyourselfintheimmediateshoesofthispersoninthemirror.Imagineyourselfasthisconfident“other”self.Feelyourselfwalkingandtalkingjustlikethisconfidentperson.Whenyoufeelthisconfidencechurninginsideofyou,crossyourmiddleandringfingertogetherandsayaparticularword.Saysomethinglike:“Strength,”or“Confidence.”Thewordcanbeanything.Thewordshouldalignwiththisfeelingofconfidence,anditshouldpairwiththecrossofyourfingers.Repeatthisprocessseveraltimes.Asoutlinedabove,youareanchoringthisfeelingofconfidence.Throughoutthisfirstday,remindyourselfofthistriggerseveraltimes.Imagineyourselfasthis“newandconfident”personbycrossingyourfingersandsayingyourcodeword.Dothisinvarious,safelocationsfirst.Tryitatthegrocerystorebeforeyoutalktothecashier,ortryitbeforeyoutalktoyourspouse.It’sonlyyourfirstdaywithyouranchor,butyoucanstrengthenitinthedaystocome.

DAY2:ANCHORCONFIDENCEINASONGMusicischargedwithinfinitefeeling.Youprobablyhaveasongthatpumpsyouup:asongthatmakesyoufeellikeyou’reontopoftheworld.Themusiccanbefromanygenre,inanylanguage.Thissongisalreadyasortofanchorinyourlifeinthatitallowsyoutofeelbetterthanyounormallyfeel.However,youmuststrengthenthisanchor.Examplesofexcellentconfidence-boostingsongsare:1.EyeoftheTigerbySurvivor2.StrongerbyKanyeWestfeat.DaftPunk3.SexyandIKnowItbyLMFAO4.LevelsbyAvicii5.AnotherOneBitestheDustbyQueen6.LoseYourselfbyEminemForday2’schallenge,youmustbeginyourdaybylisteningtotheconfidence-boostingsongofyourchoice.Note:ifyoudon’thaveoneofyourown,youcanchooseoneoftheaboveforyourpump-upanthem.Asyoupreparefortheday,listentothesongandimagineyourselfasamoreconfidentindividual.Listentoittwice.Listentoitthreetimes.Later,whenyou’reatwork,whenyoufeeluneasy,oryoubegintofeelalackofself-confidence,popthissongontoyourportablemusicplayer.Feelthegoodvibesyouheldinthemorningpulsethroughyouasyoulistentothesong.Rememberhowyouvisualizedyourself,andbegintofeellikethatconfidentpersonyoupictured.Asyoumoveforwardthroughthisprogram,youcanutilizethissongtoboostyourstrengthinanymoment.Itwillbeyourconstantcompanion,pushingyoutomovetothenextday’schallenge.

DAY3:TRANSFERYOURLEASTFAVORITEMEMORYINTOAPOSITIVEENCOUNTERBadmemoriestendtohauntpeopleandaltertheirfutures.Yourbadmemories,forexample,inhibityoufromlivingtoyourfullpotential.Youremembersomethingterriblethathappenedlasttimeyoutriedaparticularthing,andnowyouarewaryoftryingthatthingagain.Thisformsintoanegativecycle.Forexample,let’ssaythatthelasttimeyoumetnewpeople,youwereunabletoopenupandcreateanysortofrelationship.Youwereembarrassed.Therefore,inthewakeofthatincident,youareafraidtomeetnewpeoplebecauseyoufeelthatyouwilllooksilly,willbeunabletoformrelationships,andwillgenerallyexperiencedispleasurewithyourself.Ultimately,thispatternleavesyounoroomtomeetanynewpeopleorgrowinnewenvironments.Inordertobreakthiscycle,youmustchangehowyouthinkaboutyourpastmemory.ThisisoutlinedwithNeuro-LinguisticProgramming.Youcanrelivetheexactevent,justasitwas,withallofyoursensorymemoriesintact.Ifyouwanttoalterthememory,youcandothisbyalteringyoursensememory.Bringadifferentlighttothescene;allowittohaveadifferentscent.Picturethememoryofyoumeetingnewpeopleandbeingunabletopresentyourselfwellinadifferentway.Pictureyourselfactingjustasyourself,interactingwithpeoplewhoalsofeltbizarre.Imaginethatthepeoplewhoyoutriedtomakeaconnectionwithwerealsolackinginself-confidence.Imaginethattheydidn’tthinkyouwerestrangeorwithoutvalue.Youweresimplypeopletryingtolearnthebestwaystocommunicatewithoutthepropertools.Beginbyvisualizingtherealmemory.Rememberitforeverythingitwas.Then,senditfarback,awayfromyourvision.Closeyoureyesandwatchthememoryfallawayfromyoulikeaboomerang.Whenitcomesback,thememoryisthenewmemorywiththedifferentmeaning.Thememoryfindstwopeoplesimplytryingtocreateaconversationandlearningfromthemeeting.Youunderstandthatyouweremeanttomeetthatpersoninordertostepupandfuelyourconversationalskills.Picturetheoriginalmemoryagainandthenswishitbacktothe“new”memory.

Dothismanytimes.Afteratleasttentimesofvisualizingthismemoryrunningawayfromyou,trytoremembertheeventinyourhead.Yourneuralpassagewayshaveassimilatedanewformation.Youwillbegintorememberonlythepleasant,educationalevent.

DAY4:MAKEEARLY-MORNING,DAILYAFFIRMATIONS

Onthemorningofdayfour,wakeahalfhourbeforeyounormallydo.Gotoacool,quietplaceawayfromeveryoneelseinyourhouse.Closeyoureyesandfocusonyourbreathing.Descendintoameditativestate.Asyoulingerinthemeditativestate,feelingyourentirebodyworkingasone,feelingyourneuralpassagewayscommunicatingthestanceofyourbodyinitsenvironment,begintellingyourselfaffirmations.Tellyourself:

1. Youholdthepowertogreatness.2. Youare,andhavealwaysbeen,aself-confidentperson.

Repeatthesemantrastoyourself,andaddanythatarespecifictothisday.Forexample,ifyouhaveabigpresentationatwork,tellyourselfyouarewell-preparedandconfidentenoughforthetask.Repeatthesemantrasuntiltheybecomeengrainedinyourbrain,readyforactivationonyourwaytowork.Note:Remembertocontinuelisteningtoyourpump-upsong,meditating,andkeepingtrackofyourneuralpassagewaysinordertomaintainallyou’velearnedinyourinitialfourdays.

CHAPTER5.DAYS5-8OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:CONFIDENCETOSTRENGTHENYOURSOCIALINTERACTIONS

Nowthatyouunderstandsomeverypersonaltechniquestohoneyourinteriorthoughtsaboutyourself,youcanmoveontothegreaterenvironment.Youcanbegintoworkonyourcommunication,bringingyourinternalthoughtstotheexterior,relationshipsphere.Friendshipscanbetricky.Attheircore,they’reessentiallytwoseparateworldscollidingtogetheranddeciding,despitealldifferences,they’dliketocoincidewithoneanotherandlearnmoreabouttheother.Itseemscrazy,especiallywiththeself-doubtcreepingatyouaroundeverycorner.Howcanyouimproveyourabilitytocreateasociallife,andhowcanyouholdtheconfidencetomaintainstrongsocialinteractions?Thefollowingfourdayswillallowyoutofocusontheseideas.Whenyousucceedincreatinghumanfriendships,however,you’lllearnthatfriendshipsarekeybooststoyourself-esteemincountlessways.Theyhelpyoumakebetterdecisionsbygivingyoukeyadviceforyourtrickychoices;theywalkalongsideyouandseethingsfromyourperspective.Theycheeryouonwhenyousucceed,andtheycomfortyouwhenyoufail.Youdon’thavetogoitalonewhenyouhavegoodfriendsbyyourside.Buthow,exactly,doyouformtheseinitial,fruitfulrelationships?

DAY5:STRIKEUPACONVERSATIONANDSPEAKSLOWLY

Remember,inorderforpeopletotakeyouseriously,youmustillustrateyourconfidentsenseofself.Sure,youhaven’tgottentoday21yet;youhaven’trenewedyourcompletesenseofself-confidence.However,youcanfakeit.And,asmentionedbefore,fakingconfidencerenewsyourbeliefinyourselfonaninternallevel.Everylittlethingaddsup.Strikeupaconversationwithsomeoneyou’vehardlyspokentobefore.Ifyouhaveto,playyourpump-upsongfromapreviousdaytoprepareyoutostretchyourself.Speakslowly,illustratingyourauthority.Apersonwithauthorityshowstheirsenseofconfidence,showsthefactthattheyareworthytospeakto.Don’toverdoit;however,slowingyourregular,quickvoiceafewnotcheswillboostyourassurednesswhiletalkingtothisnewperson.Thisnewpersonwillperceiveyouassomeoneheshouldcontinuetalkingto.

DAY6:SEEKSOMEONEWHOCANEMPOWERYOUWITH

KNOWLEDGE

Knowledgeispower.You’vehearditamilliontimes.However,fuelingyourselfwithknowledgeisoneofthequickeststrategiestobeginfeelingthosewavesofself-confidence.Whenyouunderstandanewconceptorlearnanewfact,youareimmediatelyboostedintoadifferentworld.Yourenvironmentalters.Ofcourse,youcanempoweryourselfwiththisknowledgeviatheInternet.However,receivingknowledgefromsomeoneyouseekoutismuchbetter.Callanacquaintanceonthephone—someoneyouknowhasknowledgeaboutsomethingyoudon’t.Approachsomeoneatlunch.Rememberthathisperspectiveonlifeiscompletelydifferentthanyours;therefore,yourlife-knowledgeiscompletelydifferentthanhis.Swapknowledgeandgiveeachotherpiecesofeachother’sworlds.Thepersonyouapproachwilllovediscussingtheknowledgehealreadyhas;he’lllovespeakingabouthimselfandhisworld.Becauseyousoughthimout,he’llhaveadeepinterestinwhatyouhavetosay,aswell.Openyoureyestothepossibilitiesofknowledge.

DAY7:FINDANEXERCISEBUDDY

Exercisingfuelsempowerment,andempowermentcreatesboundlessself-confidence.Askanexercise-affluentpersontogoforarunorawalkwithyou.You’reincludinghiminsomethinghealreadyenjoys:exercise.Askhisexerciseadviceandtellhim—inanincrediblypositivemanner—thatyou’rehopingtogetbetterinshape.Otherpeoplefeelthejoyemanatingoffofyouwhenyoumakeadecisiontobetteryourself.Simplyincludingthemonyourexercisejourneywillformabondbetweenyou.

DAY8:ELIMINATETOXICFRIENDSFROMYOURLIFEThisisaheavyone.Asyoufurtheryourjourneytowardself-fulfillmentandself-confidence,youmustanalyzeyourenvironmentandreconsiderpreciselywhereyourlowself-esteemiscomingfrom.Oftentimes,peoplefindthemselvesintoxicrelationshipswithnegativefriends,withfriendswhoworktoonlybringthemdowninsteadofbuildthemup.Therefore,forday8,askyourselfwhoyourtruefriendsare.Gothroughyourcontactlistonyourcellphoneandanalyzeeachnameandyourpasthistory.Ifyoufindanamethatmakesyoufeelalackofself-confidence,youmustimmediatelydeletethatnamefromyourcontactinformation.Deletingthemdoesn’tmeanthatpersoniscutfromyourlifeforever.Itsimplymeansyou’retakingaconsciousactiontoeliminateatoxicenvironmentwhileyouheal.

CHAPTER6.DAYS9-12OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:CONFIDENCEINYOUR

ROMANTICLIFE

Thefirst8daysofthe21-DayChallengefoundyoufocusingonyourinternalself,alteringthewayyouthinkaboutyourpast,andlearninghowtoapproachnewpeopletobeginforminghuman-to-humaninteractions.Thefollowingfourdayswilllendyouinsightonhowtobecomemorepresentinyourromanticrelationships.Eachdayisdependentonyourcurrentstatus:ifyou’remarriedorsingle.Ifyou’resingle,thefollowingfourdayswillgiveyoutheconfidencetoapproachpeopleyoualreadyfeelromantictowardor,perhaps,simplypeopleyoumeetatrandominyoureverydaylife.Eveniftheseapproachesleadtoabsolutelynowhere,it’stimeyoubeginmakingacommitmenttoyourselfandunderstandthatyouaregoodenough,wellenoughtohavearomanticrelationship.Ifyou’remarriedorinarelationship,yourrelationshipmayhaveseriousproblemsduetoyourlackofself-confidence.Yourpastdaysmayhavefoundyouleaningheavilyonthisrelationshipasanunfairsourceofacceptance.Youmayhavebroughtyourinsecuritiesintotherelationship,bringingideasthatyouaren’tgoodenoughforanythingoutsidetherelationship.Thesefeelingsmaytranslateintotherelationship.Forexample,ifsomethingnegativehappensatworkoratschool,youmayexpectyourpartnertoseeyoudifferently,toactivelyseeyourvaluedeclining.Afterawhile,youmaybegintodevalueyourpartner.Youmaybegintocontaminatehimorherinyoureyes,tellingyourselfthatyoudon’trequireapartneranyway.

Youmustbegintorestorethisveryrealhumanrelationshipthathasthepotentialstrengthtoworkyouthrougheveryroughday—toworkyouthroughyourlowself-confidencetoabetterfuture.Yourromanticrelationshipshavetruevaluewhenyouenlistyourenergytogivethempower.

DAY9:MEDITATEABOUTAPASTORCURRENT

RELATIONSHIP

Whenyouwakeupinthemorning,gotoyourquiet,meditativegroundandaskyourselfsomepersonalquestions.Ifyou’reinarelationship,askyourself:Howhaveyouallowedthecurrentrelationshipyou’reintofalterandfizzle?Canyouseeactualinstancesinyourmindthatformedthisnegativebloodbetweenthetwoofyou?Doyoufeelyourvoiceofself-doubtandlowself-esteemworkinginsideofyou,alteringthewayyoufeelaboutyourrelationshipwithoutmerit?Ifyou’renotcurrentlyinarelationship,askyourselfifthesenegative,lowself-confidencethoughtshavekilledpastrelationshipsorarealteringyourabilitytomeetanyonenew.Youmustacknowledgetheactualreasonbehindyourfalteringrelationshipsorlackofrelationshipsonaninteriorlevel.Onlywhenyouacknowledgetheselowbeliefsinyourselfcanyouridyourselfofthem.AsoutlinedaboveintheNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingsection,youmustpictureyourselfasahappier,morecommunicativepersoninacommittedrelationship.Spinyourcurrentthoughtsofyourselfintothisthoughtandfeelthewaythathappy,committedpersonfeels.Thiscommittedfeelingisyourultimategoal.

DAY10:MAKECONTINUEDEYECONTACT

Duringday10,youmustfocusonmakingcontinuedeyecontactwhenyouarespeakingwitheitheryourromanticpartnerorapotentialpartner.Youmustmakeyourselfseemopenandpositive,readytolistentoanythingthatpersonhastosay.Nowthatyouunderstandthatyourlackofself-confidenceisputtingagapbetweenthetwoofyou,youcan“act”yourwayoutoflowself-esteem.Rememberthatyourexterioractionsalteryourinteriorbeliefs.Furthermore,ifyouactconfident,yourromanticpartnerwillfeelthatyouareuptothechallengeofbeinginaromantic,committedrelationship.Youwillseemsureofyourselfandreadytotakeonafuturewiththatperson,regardlessofeitherofyourfaults.

DAY11:APPRECIATETHEVALUEOFTOUCHAffectioncangoalongway.Justfeelingasmalltouchonyourhand,onyourelbowcanbringendorphinstoyourbrain,thusannihilatingsignsofstress.Unfortunately,youcannotactuallyaskforatouchonthisroadtoself-confidence.Instead,youmustbetheproviderofthistouch.Youmustbetheaction-orientedpersoninthisscenariotoillustrateyourdepthofself-confidence.Ifyouhaveaspouseorapartner,remembertokeepthistouchinmind.Yourrelationshipmaybeontherocksduetoyourlowself-confidenceandlackofabilitytoloveyourself.Ifyoufeelthatyou’reunworthyoflove,youmayhavebeencurlingawayfromyourpartner,skippingoutonthisonebigcategory.Whenyouseeyourpartnerinthemorning,touchthemontheshoulder.Kissthemonthecheekoronthemouth.Letthemknow,throughpurephysicalactions,thatyouappreciatetheirexistence.They’llbegintoreturnthisgestureoftouch,showingsignsofappreciationaswell.Ifyoudon’thaveapartner,this“touch”conceptisstillinclusive.InEurope,whenpeoplemeetoneanother,theygiveeachothertwokisses:oneoneachcheek.Youdon’tneedtogothisfar.However,nexttimeyoumeetsomeoneyoumighthavefeelingsfor,reachacrossandshakehishand.Dophysicalthingslikeopeningthedoorforhim,takinghiscoat.Youdon’thavetophysicallytouchhimtogivehimtheideathatyou’rephysically“there”forthem.However,youmuststopclosingyourselfoff.

DAY12:CLAIMANOUTSIDEINTERESTOnday12,youshouldfocusonsomethingthatisuniquelyforyourself—somethingoutsideofyourrelationshiporyourpotentialrelationship.Thisthingcouldbeahobby,anexerciseroutine,oranythingthatputsyourmindinadifferentzone.Ifyoubegintohoneyourlifeoutsideofyourrelationship,youwillbegintofeelthatyouhavemoretoofferinyourrelationshiplife.Forexample:ifyoutakeupbasketballasahobbyoutsideofyourrelationship,you’llhaveinterestingstoriestotellyourpartnerorpotentialpartneraboutlastnight’sgame.You’llseeminterestingandmorevibrantintherelationshipbecauseyouhaveaninterestingexteriorlife.Youarewell-roundedandabletoexistoutsideoftherealmsofyourromanticinteractions.Therefore,onthisday12,takestockofyouroldhobbiesoranythingnewyoumightwanttotry.Signupforanexerciseclass,headovertothecraftshop,orenrollinapaintingcourse.

CHAPTER7.DAYS13-16OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:CONFIDENCETOFINDSUCCESSATWORKORSCHOOL

Lowself-confidenceatworkorschoolcanleaveyoufeelinganxiousandunabletotrulysucceed.Althoughyoumadeitthere:toyourdesireduniversityoryourworkplaceafterextensiveinterviewsandapplications,yousuddenlyfeelasifyoudon’tbelongthere.Yourschooloryourworkplaceis,onsomanylevels,youridentity.Youmustreaffirmyourself-confidenceintheseenvironmentsinordertotakeatruestanceinyourlife.Yourworkplaceisyourlivelihood;itisthesourceofmanyofyourrelationshipsandapproximatelyfortyhoursofyourweek.Yourschoollifeisthestepping-stonetoyourlivelihood.Itis,furthermore,thesourceofyourrelationshipsandsomuchofyourtime.Therefore,inordertomaximizeyourlife,youmustmaximizeyourtimespentattheseplaces.

DAY13:OUTLINETHEREASONSYOU’REATTHISWORKORSCHOOLWhenyouwakeupbeforeworkorschoolonday13,assemblealistofthereasonsyouwerechosentoattendthisschoolorbeanemployeeatthisworkplace.Thislistmustbespecific.Forexample,inordertoattendthisuniversity,youachievedallA’sinhighschool.Inordertobehiredasanemployeeatyourcompany,youhadtorocktheinterviewprocessandgraduatefromauniversity.Listyouraccomplishmentsandyourskills—theskillspeopleseeinyouatworkorschooleverysingleday.Bylistingyourskills,you’llstrayyourmindfromyourcurrentpanic-stanceatyourworkorschoolplace.You’llreaffirmyourworkorschoolidentity.

DAY14:REMEMBERTHATNOASSIGNMENTISOVERLY

THREATENINGOnday14,youmustbeproactiveaboutyourthinking.Lookaheadonyourcalendarandseeyournext“scary”dayatworkorschool.Maybeyouhavetogiveacertainpresentation,writealongpaper,orgiveaspeech.Thelowself-confidentpersoninsideofyoumaybescreamingatthesefuturedayswithcompletefear.Duringthisday14,however,youmustrememberthatyourperceptionofthesituationisalmost100%ofyourtruthofthesituation.Therefore,youmustalteryourperceptionofthecomingdarkday.Insteadofthinkingofthepresentationasascary,terriblething,thinkofitinsteadasadaythatyoucandemonstrateallthehardworkyou’vebeendoing.TrytoworkthroughthisthoughtwithyourNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingtechniques.Rememberyourlastpresentation.Isitforcingyoutolooktothefuturepresentationwithfear?Trytorememberthelast,badpresentationasitwas,andthenflipitonitshead.Rememberitdifferently.Rememberit,instead,asalearningexperience.Whenyoudropthebadmemoryofpresentationsortests,youcanmoveforwardtothenextoneswitharenewedsenseofself.

DAY15:TRYTOMAINTAINACTIVITYALLDAY

Asalowself-confidentindividual,youmayfindyourselfhurtingyourchancesofsuccess.Youthinkyou’llfail,andtherefore,youdecidetofailtoridyourselfofdisappointment.Thisistheideaofself-sabotage.Thisself-sabotageideatranslatesintotheworkorschoolplaceoftenintheformofprocrastination.Becauseyouhavefearoffailure,yousimplyputthingsoffuntilthelastminuteuntilyoucouldn’tpossiblysubmitavalidpieceofwork.Inordertoboostyourself-confidence,youmustpracticetheartofcontinuallydoingsomething.Doingsomethingormakingsomethingevokespositivity.Evenifyourresultisn’tpreciselywhatitneedstobe,youstillhavetheworkethicbehindit.Ifyouworktowardsomething,youwillultimatelyfeelbetterthanifyousatthere,feelingfearful.Therefore,onday15,arriveatworkandtakeonlyonebreak:forlunch.Workfrommorningtilleveningwithoutgivingyourbrainasinglemomenttothinkaboutself-doubt.You’llfindyourselfutilizingyourtimemuchbetter;you’llstoplingeringonthingsyoucan’tchange.

DAY16:ADDACHALLENGETOSOMETHINGYOU’VEMASTERED

Atworkorschool,youprobablyhavesomethingthatyoudoverywellwithoutthinkingaboutit.Sure:thisparticularactivitymakesyoufeelgoodwhenyoudoit.However,youcannotallowthisactivitytoremainstagnant.Forexample,ifyou’rereallygoodatpresentations,youmightbegintosloughoffonthembecauseyouthinkthey’reasurething.Inordertobuildyourself-confidence,youmustbewillingtoacceptnewchallenges.Ifyouaddnewelementstoyourpresentationgame,forexample,you’llfindyourself-confidencegrowingexponentially.Notonlyareyougoodatpresentations;you’reabletoinnovateyourpresentationsandmakethemmorecomplex.Yourbosswillbeincrediblyimpressed.Therefore,onday16,analyzewhatyou’regoodatandupyourgamealittlebit.Don’tleaveanythingstagnant.

CHAPTER8.DAYS17-20OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:CONFIDENCETODEEPEN

YOURGOALACHIEVEMENTSINALLLIFEAREAS

Thepast16dayshavebroughtyouaffirmation.Youunderstandthedeep,engrainedreasonsforyourlowself-confidence,andyou’rebeginningtoworkthroughthemonapersonallevel.Youhaveyourpump-upsongreadyforanytimeyou’refeelingdown,andyouunderstandthebenefitsofNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingtorefutebadmemoriesandformulatethemintosomethingyoucanutilizeforgrowth.Thefollowingfourdaysallowyoutoreachtowardyourgoalsindifferentareasofyourlife.Youcanworktowardbeingahealthier,happierindividual.

DAY17:DRESSYOURSELFWELL

Whenyoulookthepartofasuccessfulperson,you’llfeelmorelikeasuccessfulperson.Ifyourefusetowashyourhairorwearniceclothes,you’llfeellikeyoudon’tcareaboutyourself.You’llgiveamessagetotheworldthatyoudon’tcarewhattheythinkaboutyou,either.Therefore,onthisday17morningbeforeyouleaveyourhouse,dosomethingextraspecialtoimproveyourlook.Tryanewhairstyle;wearadifferenttie.Spruceyourselfupinauniqueway.Anyalterationgivesassurancetotheworldthatyoudocareaboutyourself,thatyouarelookingforimprovement.You’llfurtherassuretheworldthatyou’reunafraidoftryingnewthings.Thisconfidencewillaffirmyourinteriorbeliefs.

DAY18:SETASMALL,ACHIEVABLEGOALFORYOURSELF

Ifyouroverarchinggoalsareincrediblylarge,theycanfeeloverwhelming.Forexample,manypeoplehavealargegoaltoloseahumongousamountofweight.Whentheypledgetheirgoaltolosethisamountofweight,theysoonfeelpushedagainstawall.Theycan’tpossiblylosethatmuchweightatonce;therefore,theysoongiveupontheirgoalandgobacktobadhabits.Onthisday18,setasmallgoalforyourself:somethingthatalignsonthepathtoyourgreatergoal.Ifyousetsmallgoals,youcanbreakyourbiggoalupintomoremanageablepieces.Forexample,ifyourgoalistolosefortypounds,setasmallgoalforyourselftohaveasaladfordinnerandgoforawalkimmediatelyafter.Ifyouachievethisgoal,you’llshowyourselfthateverydaycountsonthewaytoyourbiggoal.You’llshowyourselfthebeginningofapossibility.

DAY19:PAYCLOSEATTENTIONTOYOURINTERIORDIALOGUE

Yourinteriordialogueisthevoiceinyourhead,constantlytalkingtoyourself.Youmayhaveavoiceinyourheadthatcontinuallytellsyouthatyou’renotgoodenough,thatyoucan’tpossiblysucceed.Inordertoreachtowardyourgoals,youmusttakechargeofthatinteriordialogue.Onday19,traceyourthoughtsverycarefully.Wheneveryoufeelyourselfthinkingsomethingnegativeaboutyourfutureorpastself,takeoutanotebookandwritethreethingsyoulikeaboutyourself.Remember:youwon’tshowanyonethislist.Thesesentencesaren’tproclamationstotheworld.Instead,theyareaffirmationsthatallowyoutobeatbackagainstthenegativevoiceinyourhead.Alwayswritethreepowerful,positivethingsforeverynegativethought.Soon,you’llfindyourselfrevelinginpositivity.

DAY20:BEGINPRACTICINGTHESKILLSYOUREQUIRETOACHIEVEYOURGOAL

Whenyouunderstandthegoalsforwhichyoureach,youmustbeginhoningtheknowledgeyourequiretomeetthosegoals.Forexample,ifyourgoalistogotograduateschoolafterundergraduateschool,youmustbeginamplifyingyourknowledgeaboutyourparticularsubject.Afterall,you’relookingtochargeforwardwiththisknowledgeandbecomeamasterofyourfield.This“knowledge”appliestosomanydifferentdisciplinesandgoals.Ifyourgoalistoloseweight,begintoeducateyourselfaboutcaloriccontentsandthefoodsyoumusteatinordertoloseweight.Understandhowmanycaloriesyouneedtoeateverydayinordertomaintainyourweight,andlearnwhatyourdeficitshouldbe.Workingtowardanygoalrequiresmuchresearchandorganization.Ifyouhavethetoolstoproceed,youmustbeginbackingupyouractionswitheducation.

CHAPTER9.DAY21OFYOUR21-DAYSELF-CONFIDENCECHALLENGE:MOVINGFORWARD

DAY21:KEEPSTRETCHINGThepast20dayshaveallowedyoutobuildafirmgroundofself-confidence.Younowunderstandthewaysyourbrainoperatesandhowitreactstocertainsituations.Youunderstandhowtonegatesomeofthosenegativethoughtsandgearthemtowardamorepowerfulpositivity.Rememberday18.Youachievedasmallgoalonagreaterpathtoanultimategoal.Keepthisdayinmindasyoumoveforward,andsetsmallgoalsforyourselfeachdayinordertobuildyourself-confidence.Continuetostretchyourself,likeday16’sassignment,andboostyourskills.Doalittlesomethingeverysingledaytopushyourself.Ifyoucontinuetheworktowardself-confidence,you’llactuallyearnthepositivefeelingsyou’llhold.You’llearnthesefeelingsandthereforefindnoreasonstorefutethem.Theyareyours.Theyarepaymentforyourdaysofhardwork.Movingforward,it’simportanttoremembertoalwaysactlikeapositive,self-confidentperson.Evenwhenyourlifebeginstocrumblearoundtheedges,youcanchargetowardyourgoalsandbypassfallbackswiththesehonedtechniques.Remembernottogiveuponyourself.Rememberthateventhemostself-confidentindividualshavelow-confidencedays.However,ifyourememberyourgoals,ifyourememberyourpowerfulpositivity,you’llhavetheabilitytochangeeverything.

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

Mymissionwiththisistobeabletohelpinspireandchangetheworld,onereaderatatime.

Iwanttoprovidethemostamazinglifetoolsthatanyonecanapplyintotheirlives.Itdoesn'tmatterwhetheryouhavehitrockbottominyourlifeoryourlifeisamazingandyouwanttokeeptakingittoanotherlevel.Ifyouarelikeme,thenyouareprobablylookingtobecomethebestversionofyourself.Youarelikelynottosettleforanokaylife.Youwanttoliveanextraordinarylife.Notonlytobefilledwithinbutalsotocontributetosociety.

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MOTIVATION:GETTINGMOTIVATED,FEELINGMOTIVATED,STAYING

MOTIVATED

JUSTINALBERT

Copyright©2014byJustinAlbert

WHYYOUSHOULDREADTHISBOOK

Motivationprovidesultimatelifefulfillment.Itisthedrivingforcebehindeveryprofession,everyphysicalaction. It fuels thecreationof toweringskyscrapers,five-starrestaurant,andstellarpaintings—

Andyet:why ismotivation sodifficult to attain andmaintain?Another thing:whyisitsodifficulttogetoutofbed?Whendidlifegetsooutofhand?

Thisbookanalyzes thesequestionsonbotha scientificandemotional level. Itlendsthepropertoolstobuildmotivationinthewakeofutterdifficulty.

Motivation is pumping in every blood vessel, through every neuron. Humanancestors struggling to survive in the wild were fueledwith this instinct: thismotivation to persevere. Present people still pulse with this very intrinsicmotivation. However, present-day people—because their needs are generallymet, their food is generally supplied—must work for their motivation. Theymustkeepeyesopen; theymust create theirownunderstandingof theirgoals.Theirgoalisnolonger:survive.Theirgoalistoprosper.

Procrastination.Stress.Thedogneedswalking,thecatneedsfed.Theworkpilesup, and motivation for desires and interests is simply out of reach. ThisMotivationE-book teaches the art of catchingdesires and interestsonce againandpersevering. Itoutlines thewaysonecanwork through theblocks inyourpathandattainthatpromotion,achievethatgreatlegacy.Onemustdothis:reachforreal,vibrantgoalsinordertoattainrealdestiny—toknowself-actualization.Onlywith self-actualization can one feel a renewed sense of prosperity, a fullsenseofself.

CHAPTER1.MOTIVATION:THEONLYROADTOGREATNESS

Humankind’sall-inclusivegoalis,effectively,onething:tosurvive.Thesurvivalconceptlurksbehindallthingsinaperson’slife:behindeverykitchenproduct,behindeveryhomeimprovementstore.Andyet,naturally,thissurvivalhaschangedovertheyears.Ithasdiminishedfromsomethingbroad,somethingthatmustmeetrequiredcaloricvaluesandrequiredhabitat-levelsintosomethingmuchmorerefined.

Whatis,then,man’sessential,present-daygoal?Tosimplylive.Andtolivewell.Tolivebetterthanmanhasbefore.Andthisgoalrequiresinnovation;itrequiresapushagainstthelimitssurroundingeachperson’slife.Withoutbreadthofmotivation,peoplewouldnotleavetheirbeds;theywouldn’tworktofindabetterlife.Withoutmotivation,peoplewouldhavenothing.

Motivationisthecalltoaction.Itisthethingthatpushesonefromone’sbedtogreettheworldandsqueezeeveryounceofenergyfromit.Itisthethingthatforcesonetotakeone’sproperstanceintheworld.

Doyoufeel,today,thatyouhavethedepthofmotivationtoreachyourgoals,topushyourselftothetopofyourcareerandbecomeaprimeperson—apersonwithbothphysicalandmentalstrength?Doyouhavethewilltosurviveandthemotivationtomakethemostofthatsurvival?

Understandmotivationandthecurrentfactorsblockingyoufromyourcompleteembraceofyourgoals.Understandthewaysinwhichyoucanbecomethebestversionofyourself.

WHATISMOTIVATION?Understandingthepreciseutilizationofmotivationisessentialinordertoprescribeeverydaylifegoals;prescribinglifegoalsviamotivationallowsforforward-motion.

DEFINITIONOFMOTIVATION

Motivation,essentially,isthatwhichinitiatesandmaintainsgoal-drivenmannerisms.Itisanunseenforce.Biological,cognitive,andsocialeffectsaltermotivation;theseforcesmoldit,formitintosomethingthateitherallowsgrowthorstagnation.

Biologicaleffectsonmotivationinvolvethevariousmechanismsrequiredataveryphysicallevel.Asaforementioned,onehaskitchenappliancesthatrevandwhirinordertomaintainaverybasebiologicalmotive:toboostone’scaloricintakeforfurthersurvival.OnereachesforaglassofCocaCola,essentially,outofmotivationtoquenchone’sthirst.Thesemotivesareincrediblybasicandbiological;theanimalsandplantsoftheearthhavesimilarbiologicalmotivations,aswell.Ahumansimplyhasrefinedhisreachtomaintainthesemotivations.

Cognitiveeffectsonmotivationareincrediblycomplicated.Hormonalimbalances,thethingsoneeatsandthethingsbywhichoneissurroundedcanaffectthebrain,thusalteringone’smotivationaloutput.Depression,stress,andlowself-esteemsaccumulateatthiscognitivelevelandimpairjudgment,thusalteringcontinuedrevformotivation.

Socialeffectsonmotivationgenerallyinvolveone’senvironmentandculturalinfluence.Whatisexpectedofoneinone’sculturegenerallycontributestoone’ssenseofmotivation;forexample,historyfindswomengenerallystayinghomewithchildren.Theirmotivationcouldnotgrowduetosocialinfluences.Furthermore,one’sparentsandone’sfriendsaltersocialmotivation.Ifonelivesinastagnantenvironment—anenvironmentfeaturingpeoplewithoutconsciouseffort,withoutconsciousforward-motion,onemightsimplyassimilateintothiswayoflife.However,ifone’sparentsexpectcertainsuccesses,socialmotivationmightbethefactorcontributingtoone’scollegegraduation,forexample.

THREECOMPONENTSOFMOTIVATION

1)Activation2)Persistence3)Intensity

Activationistheprimarycomponent:thedecisiontobegin.Apersonmustmakethisconsciousdecision;itistherootofallmotivation.Itistheverythingthatallowsmaturemotivationtogrow.Forexample,activelyenrollinginanexerciseclassactivatesthemotivationtobecomehealthyandloseweight,thusimprovingone’slife.

Persistenceisthecontinuationofthisactivation.Itinvolvesone’spushthroughobstaclesaftertheinitialactivation.Itinvolvesintense,psychologicalstrength.Forexample,afteroneenrollsintheexerciseclasswiththeobviousintentionofbecominghealthyandthin,persistencemuststepintotrulyfuelmotivation.Aftertheexerciseclassbegins,onemustinvestendlesshours,limitlessconcentration,andphysicalitytothepointofexhaustion.Itisincreasinglydifficulttomaintaintheintensity.However,ifoneisfueledwiththepropermotivation,workingthroughtheexerciseclassuntilcompletiongarnerssignificantstrengthandbenefits.

Finally,intensitymeasuresone’slevelofvigorafterinitiallyactivatingandpersisting.Ifonepersiststhroughthevariousexerciseclasses,forexample,withoutasignificantlevelofconcentrationandexertion,oneisnottrulymotivated.Onecanpersist,certainly.Butonewillnotreachthefinalgoaloftruehealthandstrengthwithoutfull-throttleintensity.Findanotherexampleinuniversity-levelclasses.Onecanactivateone’senrollment;onecanattendeveryclass;butifonedoesnotfueleverydaywithstudyandpushone’sselfoutsideofclass,onewillprobablynotachievemaximumsuccess.

EXTRINSICMOTIVATIONVERSUSINTRINSICMOTIVATION

Motivationisfoundbothextrinsicallyandintrinsically.

Extrinsicmotivationexistsoutsidetheindividual.Usually,itinvolvesthemotivationtopursueexteriorrewardsortrophies—thingsresultingfromsuccessesinvolvingotherpeople.Therefore,extrinsicmotivationinvolvesmotivationfrompeers;itinvolvesimpressingothersviaone’ssuccess.One’scompetitivedesirecandrivethisextrinsicmotivationcompletely.

Intrinsicmotivation,ontheotherhand,existsinternally.Theinternal

gratificationofcompletingaverypersonalproject,forexample,fuelsthisintrinsicmotivation.Perhapsonewantstofinishcleaninganddecoratingone’sbedroomsimplytofeelthefresh,openunderstandingthatone’shabitatisforone’sself;one’shabitatreflectsone’slife,afterall.However,ifonesimplywantstodecorateone’sroominordertoimpressanotherperson,thiscoulddeemextrinsicmotivation.Essentially,ifoneisthesoleoperatorofone’smotivationwithoutexteriorbenefit,oneisfueledwithintrinsicmotivation.

ALIFEWITHOUTMOTIVATION:WHATHAPPENS?Whathappenswithoutthatpulsingdriveofmotivation?Wheredoesthislackofmotivationlead?Rememberthatmotivationisthebuildingblockforallsurvival,allstrengthinexistence.Furthermore,itistherealpushbehinddesireandinterest.Itistheverythingthatfuelsthebeautifulpaintingsinmuseums,thetoweringskyscrapers,andthecountlessfootballgames.Itishuman’sdrivingforcetowardthemeaningoflife.

FEELINGSOFFAILUREANDINADEQUACYWithoutmotivation,onecannotmoveforwardwithone’slife.Onemustremainstagnant.Essentially,one’shometownbecomesone’sonlytown.One’sfirstjobbecomesone’sonlyjob.Lackofmotivationleadsnowhere.

Butthislackofpushdoesnotleadtoalackoffeeling.Emotionisalwaysatplay.Infact,emotionisgenerallythepulsebehindlackofmotivation.Theseemotionscomeinformslikefearoffailure,fearoftheunknown,incrediblestresses,andlowself-esteem.Ifonecannotworkthroughtheseemotions,onecannotbuildasolidmotivationalground.Andwithoutthisgroundandgarneredgoals,failureandinadequacysweepintotheemotionalmix.Onecanfeelaloss:likethepastfewyearsofone’slifewenttowardnothing.Onecanfeeladesiretodoitalloveragain—withthatdriveofmotivationattheirbacks.Unfortunately,lostyearsdon’tcomebackaround.Andinadequacyandfeelingsoffailurelinger.

Fortunately,thesefeelingsofinadequacycanbetheveryreasontopushtowardmotivationandreachtowardsomethingelse.Properuseoffeelingsisalwaysimportant.Worktowardthepromotionyouhaven’tevendreamedabout;wonderwhyyouneverthoughttogotothegym.Understandthatthere’sawholeworldouttherewaitingforyou.Claimit.

CHAPTER2.THEORIESOFMOTIVATION

Psychologists’motivationanalysisinvolvesseveraltheories.Theyanalyzetheprecisereasonswhyoneisfueledwithmotivation—andwhyonemayhavedifficultyjumpingonthemotivationtrain.

DRIVETHEORYBehavioristClarkHullcreatedthedrivereductiontheoryofmotivationinthe1940sand1950s.Hewasoneofthefirstscientiststoattempttounderstandthebroaddepthofhumanmotivation.

HOMEOSTASIS:BALANCEANDEQUILIBRIUMHull’stheoriesattendtothefactsofhomeostasis.Homeostasisisthefactthatone’sbodyconstantlyworkstoachievebalance,equilibrium.Forexample,one’sbodyfindsaconsistent,approximatetemperatureof98.6degreesFahrenheit.Whenonedipsbeloworabovethisnumber,one’sbodyhustlestoachievebalanceoncemore.

Essentially,the“drive”ofdrivetheoryreferstothetensionarousedbytheimbalanceorlackofhomeostasisinone’sbody.Inthetemperaturecase,therefore,one’sinteriordriveisthefactthatone’stemperatureisoutofwhack.Furtherdrivesarehungerandthirst.Thesedrives,orstimuli,forceone’sbodyintoactiontoachievebalanceintheformofamealoraglassofwater.

Therefore,Hull’sdrivetheoryactsonasortofstimulus-responsemechanism.Histheoryisrootedinbiologyandthereforetakesnonoticeofinterior,lifegoals.However,hedoesprovideadecentunderstandingoftherootofmotivation.

INSTINCTTHEORYPsychologistWilliamMcDougallstudiedtheinstincttheoryinrelationtohumanmotivation.Hisessentialfindingsrootedtheinstincttheoryasawaythroughlife—awaythatassuredcontinuationoflifevianaturalselection.Ofcourse,thebehaviorshestudiedwerenotlimitedtobiologicalneeds.Hestudiedhumaninstinct;andhumaninstinctgarnersseveralshadesofgray.

WHATISANINSTINCT?Aninstinctinvolvesatendencytobehaveinaspecificmannerwithoutengaginginthought.Theactsarespontaneous,occurringinasortofmatterofcourseafteraparticularoccurrence.

Humaninstinctscoverabroadrangeofoccurrencesrootedinbothphysiologicalandpsychologicalneeds.Physiologicalmotivations,ofcourse,meethunger,thirst,andhabitationneeds.Psychologicalmotivations,however,claspsomethingabitmorehuman;thingslike:humor,curiosity,cleanliness,fear,anger,shame,andlove.

MASLOW’SHIERARCHYOFNEEDS

AbrahamMaslow’shumanistictheoryofmotivationanalyzesallthebasichumanelements—fromthesimplisticbiologicalneedstotheself-actualizationneeds.

Hebreakstheseneedsintofivestageswiththeideathatone’smotivationscanonlyescalatewhenone’sneedsaremetattheimmediatestages.

STAGE1:PHYSIOLOGICALNEEDSAsaforementioned,physiologicalneedsconsistofthebasic,survivalneedslikewater,food,andsleep.Onemustmeetthesephysiologicalneedspriortobuildingthemotivationtomovetothenextstep.

STAGE2:SAFETYNEEDS

Thesesafetyneedsinvolveprovidingone’sselfwithproperhealth,income,andanactual“home.”

STAGE3:LOVE/BELONGINGNEEDS

Afteronemeetsphysiologicalneedsandonehasaplacetolive,aplaceinwhichtofeelwhole,onecanbegintounderstandthebenefitsofsocialsurroundings.Thesebenefitscanfallfromfamilialties,friendship,workgroups—anythingthatformsasortofrelationshipinwhichonecanbeatbackagainstlonelinessandfindaplaceinsociety.

Stage4:Self-EsteemNeeds

Onejumpstotheselfesteemneedsstageintheconvenientstageafteronefeelsasenseofbelonging.Learningthatone“fits”inasocietyisagreatlinkinthechain.Self-esteemneedsallowonethemotivationtoachieveinone’sschoolorworkandtobuildone’sreputation.Itallowsonetotakeresponsibilityofotherthingsorotherpeople.Thisisessentialinthehierarchyofneeds:thatonedoesnot“need”anythinganymore—oneismotivated,instead,tohelpotherpeoplemeettheirneeds.Oneisfurthermotivatedtomeetone’swants.

Stage5:Self-ActualizationNeeds

Self-actualizationinvolvessomethingabitdeeperthantheself-esteemstage.Theself-esteemstagerequiresonetoachieveinsociety,totakechargeofone’sselfandone’slife.However,theself-actualizationstagemotivatesonetofindpersonalgrowth,itmotivatesonetofeelfulfilledbyone’scareer,one’srelationships.Itmightnotbeenough,forexample,foronetosimplyachieveatone’sjob.Thisstagemightrequireonetofeelasifone’scommitmenttoone’sjobisalsomakingtheworldabetterplace,forexample.Onemightdosomesoul-searchinginthisstagetotrulyunderstandone’splaceintheworld.Onecannotcommittothistruesoul-searching,ofcourse,withoutmeetingtheinitialfourstagesofthehierarchyofneeds.However,totrulyfindone’sselfandtrulymeetone’sgoals,onemustexistatthistopstage—withallotherneedscompleted.

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