Alternative Relationship Forms Reeshma Haji October 10, 2007

Alternative Relationship Alternative Relationship FormsForms

Reeshma HajiReeshma Haji

October 10, 2007October 10, 2007

OutlineOutline

SinglehoodSinglehood Same-Sex MarriagesSame-Sex Marriages Break Break CohabitationCohabitation Interethnic & Interfaith RelationshipsInterethnic & Interfaith Relationships

SinglehoodSinglehood

Discussion: Stereotypes of single Discussion: Stereotypes of single men and single womenmen and single women

New York Times Article: Americans New York Times Article: Americans Love Marriage. But Why? Love Marriage. But Why? – By John Cloud (February 8, 2007)By John Cloud (February 8, 2007)


Singlehood and life satisfactionSinglehood and life satisfaction– Issue with broad definition of singleIssue with broad definition of single– Problem: single = not married (vs. never Problem: single = not married (vs. never

married)married)– When divorcees and widows taken out When divorcees and widows taken out

of “singles”, little difference in life of “singles”, little difference in life satisfactionsatisfaction

– No benefit of unhappy relationshipsNo benefit of unhappy relationships


Importance of strong social networksImportance of strong social networks ““We propose that people who are We propose that people who are

single – particularly women who have single – particularly women who have always been single- fare better than always been single- fare better than ideology would predict because they ideology would predict because they do have positive, enduring, and do have positive, enduring, and important interpersonal important interpersonal relationshipsrelationships””– (DePaulo & Morris, 2005, p. 57)(DePaulo & Morris, 2005, p. 57)


Ideology of Marriage and FamilyIdeology of Marriage and Family– DePaulo & Morris (2005)DePaulo & Morris (2005)– Glamorizes marriage and holds the Glamorizes marriage and holds the

sexual partnership as the only important sexual partnership as the only important peer relationshippeer relationship

– Presumes superior worth of those with Presumes superior worth of those with sexual partnerssexual partners

– Assumes everyone wants to marryAssumes everyone wants to marry SinglismSinglism

– Thought experimentThought experiment


See See www.belladepaulo.comwww.belladepaulo.com for more for more infoinfo

Childfree (Single?) WomenChildfree (Single?) Women

American women who choose to be American women who choose to be childfree tend to be White, well-educated, childfree tend to be White, well-educated, and have non-traditional beliefs about and have non-traditional beliefs about gender rolesgender roles

These women give high ratings of These women give high ratings of satisfaction with their choice, and do not satisfaction with their choice, and do not differ from mothers in their reports of differ from mothers in their reports of subjective well-beingsubjective well-being

Single MothersSingle Mothers

Some women choose single motherhood, Some women choose single motherhood, but many have become single mothers but many have become single mothers through divorce, abandonment or through divorce, abandonment or widowhoodwidowhood

More likely than other families to live in More likely than other families to live in povertypoverty

Forced choice between working to provide Forced choice between working to provide resources for children and spending time resources for children and spending time with themwith them

Same-Sex MarriageSame-Sex Marriage

Review of legal historyReview of legal history– Netherlands (April, 2001)Netherlands (April, 2001)– Belgium (January, 2003)Belgium (January, 2003)– Ontario, Canada (July, 2003)Ontario, Canada (July, 2003)– MB, NS, QC, SK, NL, YT (2004)MB, NS, QC, SK, NL, YT (2004)– MT, U.S.A. (2005)MT, U.S.A. (2005)– NB, Canada (2005)NB, Canada (2005)

What happened in Massachusetts?What happened in Massachusetts?

Same-Sex MarriageSame-Sex Marriage

Why? (Herek, 2006)Why? (Herek, 2006)– Same-sex and heterosexual Same-sex and heterosexual

relationships have the same relationships have the same psychosocial dimensions (e.g., psychosocial dimensions (e.g., emotional attachment, satisfaction)emotional attachment, satisfaction)

– Parent’s sexual orientation is unrelated Parent’s sexual orientation is unrelated to providing a nurturing hometo providing a nurturing home

– Marriage offers social, psychological, Marriage offers social, psychological, and health benefitsand health benefits

CohabitationCohabitation

Cohabitation – living together without Cohabitation – living together without being legally marriedbeing legally married

Common law marriage – after a Common law marriage – after a certain number of years, can be certain number of years, can be treated as legally marriedtreated as legally married


Why is it increasing?Why is it increasing?– Increased acceptance of nonmarital sexIncreased acceptance of nonmarital sex– Higher education and presence in the Higher education and presence in the

workforce make marriage less necessary workforce make marriage less necessary for women’s economic survivalfor women’s economic survival

– Increased anonymity associated with Increased anonymity associated with living in large cities (fewer restrictions living in large cities (fewer restrictions on behaviour)on behaviour)

– Fear of marriage due to divorce statsFear of marriage due to divorce stats


Discuss in small groups (10 mins)Discuss in small groups (10 mins)1)1) Do many of your friends cohabit? What Do many of your friends cohabit? What

kinds of problems do they experience? kinds of problems do they experience? What kinds of advantages to they What kinds of advantages to they report?report?

2)2) Who seems more committed to the Who seems more committed to the cohabitation in heterosexual cohabitation in heterosexual relationships (the man or the woman)?relationships (the man or the woman)?

3)3) Who benefits more from the Who benefits more from the cohabitation in heterosexual cohabitation in heterosexual relationships (the man or the woman)?relationships (the man or the woman)?

Cohabitation Cohabitation

TypesTypes– Short-lived sexual relationships Short-lived sexual relationships

(“flings”)(“flings”)– Practical (saving money)Practical (saving money)– Trial marriageTrial marriage– Permanent alternative to marriagePermanent alternative to marriage– Fear of repeating “marriage mistake” Fear of repeating “marriage mistake”

(divorcees)(divorcees)

Cohabitation Cohabitation

Canadian Data (Bourdais & Lapierre-Canadian Data (Bourdais & Lapierre-Adamcyk, 2004)Adamcyk, 2004)– Most prominent in QC, where often a Most prominent in QC, where often a

basis for starting a familybasis for starting a family– Other Cdn provinces, “childless prelude Other Cdn provinces, “childless prelude

to marriage” (p. 929)to marriage” (p. 929)


Considerations for Couples Considerations for Couples Contemplating Living TogetherContemplating Living Together

Nonmarital BirthsNonmarital Births

32%37% 41%

46%

64%

20%

30%

40%

50%

60%

70%

% of Births to unmarried women

Lipps, 2005

Interethnic RelationshipsInterethnic Relationships

Heterogamy vs. Homogamy?Heterogamy vs. Homogamy?– Interethnic daters seem to be similar in:Interethnic daters seem to be similar in:

AgeAge EducationEducation AttractivenessAttractiveness

Influential factorsInfluential factors– Social network diversitySocial network diversity– Availability of ingroup matesAvailability of ingroup mates– Own group status (minority vs. majority)Own group status (minority vs. majority)– EducationEducation

Interethnic RelationshipsInterethnic Relationships

Interfaith RelationshipsInterfaith Relationships

Canadian Census DataCanadian Census Data– 1 in 5 Cdn unions1 in 5 Cdn unions– Interfaith unions within same broad Interfaith unions within same broad

religious group more common (e.g., religious group more common (e.g., Catholics & Protestants)Catholics & Protestants)

Promoting Acceptance of Promoting Acceptance of Intergroup RelationshipsIntergroup Relationships

DiscussionDiscussion Findings from interfaith dating Findings from interfaith dating

research (Lalonde & Haji, 2006)research (Lalonde & Haji, 2006)

Documents

Alternative Relationship Forms Reeshma Haji October 10, 2007