Mr. Taylor

Sample Play

The Long Distance Break-up/ The Lover’s Telephone Revenge

JANE: Packing up her belongings from ex-boyfriend’s apartment.

SUE: Jane’s friend.

Setting: Ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Items thrown around the room.

JANE

I can’t believe that jerk.

SUE

Well, I don’t want to say “I told you so....”

JANE

So don’t.

SUE

I’m just saying, he left his last girlfriend for you.

JANE

I know, I know. And now he left me for someone else.

SUE

But did you have to move in with him? I mean, it was just so fast.

JANE

Love works like that, I guess.

SUE

So do hormones.

JANE

What’s that supposed to mean?

SUE

Nothing.

JANE

Yeah, I’m sure. Are you going to help me pack this up or not?

SUE

Um, not.

JANE

Guess again.

SUE

Um, sure?

JANE

I knew I could count on you.

SUE

What are friends for, if not to help pack up their best friends belongings after foolishly rushing into living with a guy she barely knows.

JANE

I knew him. Or at least I thought I did.

SUE

Have you talked to your sister yet?

JANE

As far as I’m concerned she can rot.

SUE

Come on, she’s your sister.

JANE

And he was my boyfriend, but that didn’t seem to stop them.

SUE

If it’s any consolation, they said they were drunk.

JANE

That just the excuse they’re giving to justify being jerks.

SUE

You could take her to Jerry Springer.

JANE

But then she’d get a free trip to Chicago and stay at a nice hotel. And they pay for everything.

SUE

Really?

JANE

Tonya went on there last year. She partied all weekend, and they drove her around in a limo. My sister doesn’t deserve that.

SUE

A limo? Really? Man, they want to make their guests feel comfortable. I wonder if Oprah does that for her guests. It’s probably better than the

people who go on Divorce Court. Maybe the People’s Court or Judge Judy has better hotels.

JANE

Can we focus?!

SUE

Sorry, I just never thought that Jerry’s guests would be treated so nicely.

JANE

(sarcastically)

Yeah, it’s great. Now help me finish loading up this box.

SUE

Fine. You know how to ruin all the fun out of these things.

JANE

What things?

SUE

Break ups.

JANE

I didn’t think they were supposed to be fun.

SUE

They can be. With the right motivation.

JANE

What’s that supposed to mean?

SUE

We could break his TV?

JANE

No, I wouldn’t feel right. He loves that TV.

SUE

Like he loved your sister?

JANE

Still....

SUE

We could take a knife a cut up his mattress.

JANE

Wouldn’t that be illegal?

SUE

We could microwave a DVD. That would be fun. The sparks flying everywhere.

JANE

But that’s my microwave.

SUE

Oh.

JANE

Let’s not do anything. I just want to get out of here.

SUE

We could call China.

JANE

China?

SUE

Yeah, China.

JANE

Who’s in China?

SUE

Who cares? Someone, I’m sure.

JANE

I don’t know.

SUE

Think about it. Why not make him pay for every minute of his affair. You were hurt, it’s time to hurt him.

JANE

Maybe.

SUE

You know you want to. It’s better than Jerry Springer.

JANE

Okay, let’s do it.

Sue dials a number.

SUE

How long will he be gone?

JANE

Until tomorrow.

SUE

Perfect!

JANE

By the way, how do you know the number to China?

SUE

I have a sister, too.