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Our heiress grows up and defines her dreams; futile and not so futile quests; toys.
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Whoops.IknowElainewantedtogetstraightbacktoHER,butinsteadwe’rebacktotheLegacyHouse.
PenelopegottheicecreamstoretoLevelTen,butwesBllhavetogetthetoystorethere.Becausewhiletheheiresshastohaveabusiness,thetoystoreistradiBonalforourLegacy,sowe’restuckwithit.FlorenceDelarosamakesagoodcustomer.IkeephopingKillickwillgetherasadatedrop,butheneverdoes.
Aprimeexampleof“whenyoudon’tplaythegame,thegameplaysyou”:theAlmightyRobinolihasn’tupdatedIt’saLegacyDarling!sincelongbeforetherebuild,andIhaven’tevenheardfromherinages,butshe’ssBllmarriedtomysciencenerdspareMorBmer.
Becausewithouther,myneighborhoodwouldbesad.
Killick:Whichyouisgonnabuysomethin’acosI*&*(&in’wantstogohomean’hosedownthescuppers,see?Sophia:Fine.I’llbehappytobuyanythingaslongasyoustopbeingcolorful.(DidyouknowKillickisactuallySophia’sgrandmother’ssecondhusband?Strangebuttrue!)
See?Elaine’ssBllinbed.Shedoesn’tevenknowweleU.
Herbedroomreallyisinaturretwithpinkfairiesonthewalls.It’sjusthardtogetpicturesofit.
Gawaine:See,Princess?Evenyourdollhousehasaturretonit!
Elaine:“Iwuvyou!”“No,Iwuvyou!”“Mwah!”“Mwah!”Gawaine:Herecomesthebraveknightonhishorsie!Oh,look!He’ssaying“CUTTHATOUT.”
Palomides:Idon’tmindbabysi\ngyouandhelpingyoulearnLogic.I’mmean,beingLegacyHeiressisabigresponsibility.It’slikebeingthemostimportantpersoninourli]leworld.Buthey,nopressure.
Palomides:MayIhaveanicedate,please?BecauseI’vereallyearnedit.
PalomidesgotAileenFuta,whoreallyismuchcuterasagirl.
Palomideswasalsowaytoosneakytoletmegetapictureoftheswirlyhearts,buthegothisfirstkissonthefirstdate,plusahugeloadofAspiraBonPoints.
HealsohidunderneaththeceilingfixturesoIcouldn’tgetapictureofthecrushhearts,either,butAileen’salmostcuteenoughwithhimtosendhertoUniversity.
IthinkAchillesreallyregretsthatthisSimisMerlinFancey,insteadofMelissaFancey,here,butthat’swhathappenswithgender‐reversing.
Telemachus:So,Daddy,doesbeingSqueakyCleanmeanyounevergoondates?
Nausicaa:Idon’tthinkyoushouldaskDaddyquesBonslikethatatdinner.Telemachus:‘CauseUncleAchillesalwayshasgirlsovertothehouseandhetellsmetogoplayandthere’shonkingnoisesandI’mwonderinghowcomehedoesandyouneverdoandyouhaveusandhedoesn’t.
Nausicaa:TELEMACHUS!
Clearly,somethingmustbedone.
Ulysses:Somaybeyou’dliketogoonanofficialdatesomeBmebeforemykidsarebothinhighschool?Becauseyoucansayno.I’dreallyunderstandthat,thatwouldbeok...What?
Gulp.
Ulysseshasneveraskedanyoneonadatebefore.Theonlydatehe’severhadwasCarmilla’sidea,sohereallywantedtobeallromanBcandsuavewithDocNerd.Andeverythingwasgoingverywell.YounoBcehowyoucan’tseeCountBlahbackthere?
Well,nowyoucan.
CountBlah:BLEH!!!
Ulysses:Youreallygiveothervampiresabadname,youknowthat?
Yeah,talkaboutruiningthemood.DidyouknowthatifavampireBLEHsyourdateandtheylosebladdercontrol,thedateinstantlygoesinthetank?
EmergencyacBonmustbetakenorDocNerdwillbebackwithaflamingbagofpoo.
RomanBcfirstkiss,foronething,andI’msurenoonewillevennoBcethemysteriouspuddlebackthere,whichwasprobablycausedbyaPrank.
ButthatsBllisn’tenoughtosavethedate,andUlyssesisforcedtotakedrasBcmeasures.
DocNerd:I’vealwaysthoughtyourcousinTituswaswaaaaycute.
1. Ulyssesisoutofthehousenow,and2. WhileI’msurehewouldhavewaitedunBlhewasmarried,he’snot
goingtogetmarriedifhedoesn’t.
3. Doesn’twhat?Nevermind.
Aw,goon,Doc.Makeanhonestvampireofhim.
Becausehereallywouldlikeyouto.
Doc:Oooooo!CanIbeawerewolfnow?
Toldyouso.He’shadthatwantcementedinhisWantPanelforages.
Ulysses:AnditturnedouttobeaperfectdateaUerall!Hey,what’sthatsound?
Somebodyhavingafightinside?
CassiusandKennedyCox.Don’taskme,Idon’tknow.IwasbusytendingUlyssesandDocNerdandtherewasacutawaytoafight,butIdidn’thaveBmetolook.
DGwasbusytalkingtoEddieLegacyaboutsmoochesandDocNerd—
DocNerd:‘Scuseme,boys.
Um—youdon’twanttogohomeandtakeashower,maybechangeyourjeans?
AUerthat,itwasclearlyBmeforacelebratoryjamsession.
NottoomuchgoesonatUlysses’andAchilles’house.Ulyssessleepsduringtheday,Achillesdatesandgoestoworkatnight‐‐
‐‐andthekidsskill.Sothere’snotalottoshowexceptforhowcutetheyare.
That’snotstrictlytrue.WhenUlyssesisawake,heenjoysplayingchesswithTelemachusandhelpinghimtobuildLogic.
TheLegacykidsareinvitedoveralot,andElainemakesfriendswitheveryone.
Nausicaa:AndIboughtacellphone!HowexciBng!AndeverythingyousayisinteresBng!Clappyclap!
NausicaaalsoFallsInLovewithLeo,butI’msBllnotsoldontheideaofhisgoingtocollege.Sorry.
ThoughIwasimpressedbyhisleavinganicetelescope‐‐
Whichismuchbe]erthanwhatoneofAchilles’datesleU;aMr.Bearlybu]s,whichhastobethestrangestdategiUI’veeverseen.
Telemachusalsohadalargebirthdayparty,withplentyofguests.Not,ofcourse,otherchildren;hisdaddyUlyssescan’tbeupbeforesevenandkidsgohomeatsix.
Telemachus:Yayyayyay!IGrewUpWell!
JustGrowUpInteresBng.
InteresBngenough?
HerolledFamily,EducaBonMinister.Incidentally,IerroneouslyreportedthatPalomideswantedtobeEducaBonMinister.Hedoesn’t.HewantstoGraduateThreeChildrenFromCollege,butthen,DinadanwantsSixGrandchildren,sonoproblemthere.Whatdoyouthink,DocNerd?InteresBngstepson?
DocNerd:Iguess.IthoughtI’daskMaxhowhisresearchiscomingalong.
Achilles:Imissedtheparty?
Onlysomeoftheparty,andyoumadeyoursecondLTW,soitwasworthit,Ihope.
Nausicaa:SoyourolledFamily?You’resure?
Telemachus:Yes,I’msure.AreyousureaboutPleasure?Becauseyoudon’tseemlikethetype.
With10NicePointsandZeroOutgoing,no,shedoesn’t.SheshouldhavebeenKnowledge.“Butyoudowantdiversity,right?”Sigh.Right.Andbesides,youcanhavedifferentsortsofpersonaliBeswiththesameAspiraBon.
Imean,hey,lookatZaneandLenore.He’smuchtooNiceandshe’smuchtooMeanandthey’rebothFamilyand...
...Hey.Cutthatout.
Itmusthavebeenthesmellofthegarbage.
Lenore:Hey,Zane,youfellinlovewithmewithoutge\ngpermission!Congrats!
Lenore:NofearofretribuBon?NoovercompensaBon,maybe?
Zane:Um...what?
Theydefinitelydidnotaskmypermissiontodothis,andIwasverycrosswithZaneforgoinginforaRomanBcHugthesecondhewasonthelot.
Thisnextbitwasn’ttomakeZanehappy.ItwastomakeLenorehappy....
‐‐whichitdid,asyoucansee.
Idon’tthinkI’veletanySimsgosteadysinceQuinandGiselle,andthatwasGeneraBonFour.
BrodyLegacina:Youdon’timportLegacySimsandgivethemmoreorlessexactlywhattheywant.Uh‐huh.Youkeeptellingyourselfthat,Prof.
Brody:Hi.IwasjuststrollingbyandIthoughtI’dbargeinandaskwhatit’sliketobeawerewolf.
Jane:Whatit’slike?
Jane:Moreorlesslikethis.
Brody:ThatmayhavebeentoomuchinformaBon.
...Ok,whatdoesitfeelliketobeawerewolf?
Jane:Moreorlesslikethis.
Jane:How’sthat?
Brody:Huh.Notbad.I’mreallyannoyedwithyounow,butIthinkI’llinvitemyselftodinnerfirst.
Zane,haveyoutakenagoodlookatthishouse?Imeanagood,hardlook?
Zane:Um...Um....GOSH,Mrs.Midlock,thissureisgoodturkey.
Somepeopleareglu]onsforpunishment.
Max:Hello,grandpapa.YouandMamaarrivedsafely?
Cecil:Naturally.
Max:And Mama? Is she well? You know I thought this journey very unwise.
Cecil:She is extremely well and fully aware of her surroundings.
Max:Hm.IgraduatedwithamedicaldegreeSummaCumLaude,andyet,Grandpapa,Ihavenoideawhatitmeanswhenyousaythat.
Cecil:IalwayssaypreciselywhatImean,Maximilian.Youhaveneverheardmeu]eradeliberateuntruth.
Max:No doubt that’s true. Where was it this Bme, Grandpapa? Back to the volca—
Cecil:Donotspeakofthat.
Cecil:Infact,ItookyourmotherforamedicalconsultaBon.
Max:Really. I’m sure that went swimmingly.
Cecil:AdmiJedly, Cecilia was slightly disconcerted by the doctor’s iniBal appearance.
Cecil:IhaveeveryconfidencethatyouwillbeabletoprovideacompleterecoveryformydaughterCecilia.
Indigenousphysician:Oh,really.Isthatbecauseyouhaveconfidenceinme,orinmyculture’smedicalsystem,orinyourabilitytobuyanythingyouwant,orinyourownimperialarrogancetoarrangetheuniversetoyourliking?
Cecil:Iwouldprefertheterms“self‐disciplineandclarityofobjecBve,”butonthewhole,mostlythela]er.
IndigenousPhysician:Iamsorry.Perhapstheclimateandourdietoffruitsandvegetablesmaybeofsomeslighthelp,butthereisnothingIcandoforher.AndIwould,inspiteofyou,forhersake,butIcannot.
IndigenousPhysician:If it is any consolaBon to you, she seldom feels pain. She is both a child and an old, old woman. It is very sad.
Cecil:This is, no doubt, why you were juggling during your consultaBon.
IndigenousPhysician:Iamsorry.ThereisnothingIcandoforherhere.YouwillhavetoseekmybrotherofTakemizu.
IndigenousPhysician.Ican,however,sendyouonyourwaywiththis.
Cecil:Ah.ThiswouldbeaformofherbalmedicaBon,wouldit?
IndigenousPhysician:No.It’sadoll.
Cecil:Adoll.
Howminimallyhelpful.
Cecil:Adoll.Wouldyoucreditit?Heabsolutelyrefusedtobeofanyassistancewhatsoever.
Max:Orisitpossiblethatthereisnothinghecoulddo?Nothingthatanyonecando,perhaps,includingyou?
Max:OrisitpossiblethatI,asatrainedmedicalprofessional,wouldhavebeenabletoaskhimaboutremediesthatwouldhavebeenofsomeusetosomeoneotherthanMama,perhaps?Perhapsevenofusetoher?‐‐butyoudidnotknowwhatquesBonstoputtohim?
Cecil:Hm.
No,thatisnotpossible.Idonot,however,knowwhomhemeantby“mybrotherofTakemizu.”
Max:HemusthavemeanttheWiseOldManofTakemizuVillage.Thatistheonlyequalhewouldhavethere:inthatsense,hewouldbea“brother.”
Max:ButyouwillnottakeMamathere?Notdirectlyfromtheisland,surely?Surelyyouwouldnotrecklesslyendangerherandyourselfto‐‐
Cecil:Thankyou,Maximilian.Youhavebeenmosthelpful.Iregrettotellyouthatmycellphoneisbreakingup.
Cecil:Come,child.
Max:TheWiseOldManofTakemizu?WhatcouldhedoforMama?Thereisnothinganyonecando.
‐‐isthere?
AttheLegacyHouse,lifeisproceedingmuchmorenormally,withKillicktrainingthecats.
Killick:WhichyewillRollOver,Taffy,an’doitrightsharp‐likeorI’llkeel‐haulye.
Taffy:PRRrrrrrrr.Catsknowanemptythreatwhentheyhearone.
Palomides:Hithere,Mrs.OrikesMarius.I’mhelpingDadoutandwe’retryingtogetthestoretoLevel10,sowouldyoubuysomethingandgiveussomeloyaltystars?Orikes:Ofcourse.
Palomides:Great!Andcanyourecommendustosomefriendsofyours?
Ian:Hmmm.Maybeapinballmachine.
Palomides:Oh.Wedon’thaveone.Ian:Idon’tbuyjustanything.I’mpicky.Palomides:Oh,geez.Howaboutanornamentalreindeer?Ian:Well....Allright.
Dinadan:RubyBlue,wouldyoupleasebuyateddybear?
Dinadan:Justone?Anddecidetolikeit?JustonemoreloyaltystarandIcangetbacktomywifeandfamily,whichI’mreallygladtohavebecauseyounevergotaroundtogivingmeone,notthatI’mcomplaining.
RubyBlue:Well,howcanIsaynotothat?Youreallyareoneofmyfavorites,Dinadan.
Dinadan:Thanks;you’reapal!
AndRubyBluedoesindeedgiveusthemagiclaststar—Ibelieveit’sthe122nd—whichbringsTyke’sTowerToystoLevelTen.DinadanquicklymadeMorrisBende]themanagerandhehasn’tbeenbacksince.
Gawaine:Andthegoodthingaboutthat,Palomides,isthatyouearnedaSilverSalesBadge,whichwiththemodsinthisgame,givesyouanaddiBonalscholarship.
Palomides:Really?Wow!
Gawaine:Thatwillcomeinhandy,sincewe’regoingtocollegeinafewdays.
Elaine:Havelotsofthingsbeenhappeningwithoutme?
Yes,butweweren’tgoingtotakeyoutothebusinessesjustyet.
Elaine:Whynot?Iwouldhavegiventhecustomersanicesmile.See?
Elaine:AndIwouldhaveworkedhard.I’mnottooprincessytomakemyownbed;look!
OK.Maybewe’lltakeyoutotheicecreamstorewhenyou’reolder.
Elaine:AndIcouldhaveearnedallmypointstheold‐fashionedway,too!I’mnotspoiled!I’mnot!
OK,wegetit.There’snothingwrongwithdrinkingeggplantjuice.That’showyourUncleUlyssesearnedskillpoints.
Ah,andhere’sKai.Oneextraboy.
Penelope:He’snotextratome.Areyou,sweeBe?GiveMommyonelastsnuggle.
Kaiactuallyisn’ttreatedasanextra.HisuncleUlyssesgrewupinclothinglikethis,andhisfriendTelemachuscameoverforaniceparty.
Kai:Pssst!Wannaknowasecret?
Elaine:Yeah!What?Kai:Palomidessaidwewereoutofmedievalcustomcontent!AndhesaidI’dhavetowearthedragoncostume,butIfoundthisraggypeasantouqitinstead!Surefooledhim!*snerk*
Elaine:Yes—I’mgladthatmakesyouhappy.
Elaine:DearDiary:Todayismybirthday,andI’mhappy,butI’mali]lescared.EveryonesaysIhavetosucceed,andI’mnotsureIcan.WhatifIdisappointeverybody?
ButI’mgoingtobeateenagerandthatwillbeabigadventure.There’ssomethingI’vealwayswanted,andmaybenowI’llknowwhatitis.
Itisabigevent,withElaine’sgrandmathere,andalsoRegina,whoistheplaceholderatGoodygirls.
Elaine:Can I do it?
Elaine:Adventure. And everything I’ve ever wanted, whatever it is.
Elaine:And I love all of you so much.
Elaine:...Love.
Yourolled...Romance.You’rethefirstSqueakyCleanheiressevertorollRomance.
Elaine:It’snothingbad.Ijustwanttobeloveandbeloved.
Regina:Romance.
Elaine:Isthataproblem?Haven’tyouhadaRomanceSimatGoodygirlsbefore?
Regina:Well,yes—butnotaRomanceheiress. That’sali]lebitdifferent.
Elaine:Youmean....Youdon’tthinkwecanhaveparBes?Regina:Oh.OH.ParBes.WHEW.
Telemachus:OK,Igetit,youwanteveryonetoloveyou,butwhycouldn’tyouhaverolledFamily,likeme?Wewantlove.
Elaine:It’snotexactlythesame.IwantRomanBcLove.Telemachus:OrmaybePop?Theywanttobelikedbylotsandlotsofpeople.YoucouldtalktoGawaineaboutit.
‐‐onsecondthought,DON’TtalktoGawaineaboutit.He’llhittheceilingwhenhefindsout.
Gawaine,luckily,isoblivious.
Gawaine:Packyourbags,Percy!It’sBmetotakethequesttoUniversity!We’vedelayedthismuchtoolong.
Parsifal:Iwaswillingtoaccedetoyourrequestthatweremainforoursister’sbirthday.Ihavealreadypacked,thusdemonstraBngbothcourtesyandpromptness,thepolitenessofprinces.ButevenmynaturalsenseofcharityisstrainedandIwonderifyouwillconBnueyourbarbaricbehaviorwellintocollege.Gawaine:Probably.
Let’shaveonelastfamilyphoto,whichsadlydemonstratesmyinabilitytodothese.
Elaine:AndwithLove,Icandoit.Andwithoutit,whatamI?
Elaine the pure, Elaine the loveable,
Elaine, the lily maid of Astolat, High in her chamber up a tower to the east Guarded the sacred shield of Lancelot. . .
. . . Day by day, Leaving her household and good father, climb’d That eastern tower, and entering barr’d her door. . .
. . . So she lived. . .
. . . In fantasy.
(Elaine of Astolat—Louis Rhead.)ThankstoallthosewhoseSimsandSimselvesmadeappearances:RubyBlue,hersimself,DinadanLocks,Goldilocks and the Nine Heirs; PurpleBunny,hersimself,JackBuccaneer,PiraBcal Legacy; DocNerd,hersimself,VeBnari Dualegacy; Peasant007,Zane(Devereaux)Jacquet,Devereaux Legacy; Orikes,hersimself,IanandBrodyLegacina,Pseudo Legacy.
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