Speaking your mind without being hurtful speak your mind even if your voice shakes

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  1. 1. 1 Speaking Your Mind without Being Hurtful-Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. By Mahboob ali khan ,MHA,CPHQ,HQM Harvard. If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind. ~Buddha Many of us allow other peoples opinions to dictate what we believe, value, or perceive. Its not always easy to stand up for our beliefs and opinions when others, particularly those we care about, constantly bombard us with their views. You might be thinking, No, not me! This never happens to me. Im strong in voicing my beliefs. At one point or another, we all conform our opinions, either to avoid confrontation or judgment or because were losing faith in what we feel is right. Ask yourself, Do I often justify what I believe after engaging in conversations with others? Am I continuously second guessing myself? If so, you may be losing yourself. 1. People arent mind readers If you dont say what is on your mind, how is anyone else to know what youre thinking? It may seem obvious to you where you stand on a particular subject but that isnt always the case. People can interpret things very differently, so those around you may be reading you all wrong. This is primarily true in close relationships. Its easy to think that your partner or family should be able to read you like a book. We believe that they should know by our mannerisms what
  2. 2. 2 were thinking or how were feeling. However, all too often theyre not quite as astute as we give them credit for. They cant read your mind any more than you can read theirs. So, why make them try to figure out what your thoughts are (at the risk of being wrong) when you can just tell them and lay all your cards on the table, leaving no room for misinterpretation? Youll likely save yourself a lot of grief and frustration in the long run. 2. It may relieve some stress When you have words that are left unsaid, it can create a great deal of anxiety for you. You go over them and over them time and time again, reliving the situation continuously and playing out different outcomes in your mind. And, each time you think about it, you get more stressed because you wish you would have handled things differently. You turn it into this monstrous situation that eats at you from the inside out, all because you didnt say what you shouldve said while you had the opportunity. 3. You wont get taken advantage of There are people in this world who will try to take advantage of you simply because theyre banking on the fact that youre too nice to tell them no. They will ask you to overextend yourself with no clear conscious as to what consequences you may face if you say yes. Or, theyre willing to play their odds that you wont say a word against them if they do you wrong; and, unfortunately, most of the time theyre going to be right. No one likes to admit when theyve been duped or taken advantage of. You feel like an idiot for letting someone else get the upper hand so the last thing you want to do is declare your ignorance to the rest of the world. So, instead, you dont say a word about what happened and continue about your business. Neither of these scenarios helps you and they dont help anyone else either. If someone isnt exposed for the scams that they create, they cant easily be stopped. And, if you say yes when you should have said no, the only one that suffers is you. 4. Others will respect you People may not always like what you have to say, but dont you just have to respect someone that tells you like it is even if its something you dont want to hear? At least you always know where you stand with them and dont have to worry that theyre saying one thing and thinking another. Of course, this requires saying what is on your mind in a respectful and tactful manner. You can (and should) share your thoughts, feelings and concerns in a way that isnt demeaning or degrading to others. When youre known for your honesty even when its difficult to provide it, others will likely appreciate your willingness to do what is right versus doing what is easy.
  3. 3. 3 5. You may inspire others to do the same If you are willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, it may inspire those around you to do the same. They will see you as an icon or a mentor and try to follow your footsteps by being more vocal when the situation calls for it. How many times have you seen someone say something and thought, Wow. I wish I could have said that. That was great!? Well, if you become the person who speaks up when you need to, then certainly there are others who will think that very same thing when they look at you. In essence, you could help them create the change that they want for themselves in this area. 6. It will eliminate those I wish I would have said moments It can feel really bad when you look back on something in your past and think, I wish I would have said (insert words here). You replay the event or situation over and over and kick yourself for keeping your mouth shut when you had every right (if not an outright obligation) to say exactly what was on your mind in that very moment. Like in John Mayers song titled Say What You Need To Say, You better know that in the end, its better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again. Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken; even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say. Dont put yourself in this position and create a scenario in which you regret down the road. No matter how difficult it may be, its worth it to say whatever is on your mind. You owe it to yourself and others around you. 7. Because its the right thing to do It may not be easy to share what you think, but it is always right. Again, as long as you do it in a way that is respectful and courteous, you can speak what is on your mind. No one has to agree with you or like it, but your opinion is your opinion good, bad or indifferent. Youre not doing any favors by sitting quietly and watching the world engage around you. Be willing to stick up for the things that you believe in. Be open enough to share your thoughts and encourage others to do the same. Thats the great thing about this society we live in; none of us are the same. So let others learn from you and you can learn from them. Now, dont take this as a license to run around blurting whatever comes to mind regardless of who it will offend. Thats not what this is about. Its about saying things with integrity and character. Its about being willing to disagree and possibly even changing the world by not being conforming. Make it a point to be true to yourself and others by engaging yourself in life verbally. You will feel less confined and more open to those around you. Who knows? Maybe youll say something so profound that it will be your quotes we see all over social media?


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