Copyright © Pelican Ltd, Published by Pelican Ltd

ISBN 978-0-9563907-4-5 (e-Book), Second Edition

Pictures by Ian White.

ChangeChange is part of life, but some changes can leave us feeling lost and

uncertain. We start a process of grieving for what we had.

To deal effectively with the change that is happening we must acknowledge

and accept what we are experiencing.

This will help us to cope, learn and grow.

Pretending that nothing affects us tends to be a foolhardy strategy and

usually prolongs our discomfort and uncertainty, preventing us from

functioning at our best.

This book will give you simple ideas to help you acknowledge your own

change journey. It will support your recovery and reassure you that

‘time heals’, however difficult things seem.

All the changes we experience in our lives give us new insight and

understanding, making us stronger and wiser.

Helen Chapman

This book is dedicated to Jill

There are some events in our lives that knock us off balance, no matter

how prepared we think we are. The world as we know it changes and we find

ourselves in uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory.

Whether we realise it or not, we start to grieve for what we have lost.

You may associate grief only with the death of a loved one, and this type

of loss usually causes the most intense grief, but any loss can cause the

emotions of grief. These losses may include events or changes such as

losing or moving jobs, a relationship break-up, loss of health, moving house,

retiring, a miscarriage, death of a pet, loss of a dream or ambition, the

illness of a loved one or the loss of a friendship.

Although the way we deal with these challenges is a very personal thing and

we all experience change differently, the emotions of change tend to follow a

similar pattern. We tend to move from a wish to hold on to the past, through

a period of letting go, towards a desire to move forward and focus on the

future. Think of this as a journey of change.

Introduction

The picture above gives a representation of this journey. Imagine the

transition between emotions as an ebb and flow, rather than a neat

progression. We don’t all experience every emotion along the way, some

emotions may be revisited and we feel different emotions for different

lengths of time.

The pictures and suggestions throughout this book aim to help you get a

sense of where you are along your own personal journey and support you

with your process of letting go.

Denial

Shock

Self Doubt

Guilt

SadnessDespair

Understanding

Accepting

Learning

New Insight

Focusing on the Past Moving ForwardLetting Go

Anger

Searching

ReconnectingAnger

Searching

Reconnecting

Accept your feelings

The biggest step you can take on your change journey is to accept how you

feel. All feelings are valid and completely normal.

Tell yourself quietly ‘it is OK for me to feel this way’.

Expressing your feelings will help ease any physical discomfort you feel.

Bottling up your feelings is likely to make you feel worse, for longer, as your

body has a habit of speaking it’s mind!

You don’t need to try and change what you feel but describing your feelings

will help you move along in your journey. Writing is a wonderful way of giving

your feelings a voice, as are creative activities like painting or gardening.

Talking to people you trust will also help.

Try writing down what you are feeling right now – scribble if you want to –

you can be as honest as you wish as these are your own private thoughts.

Express your feelings

The emotions of change can make us feel lost and detached. The best way

to alleviate these feelings is to find ways of reconnecting with yourself.

Find a special place where you feel comfortable to take time out.

Notice the colours, the sounds, the tastes, the smells and the feel of your

surroundings.

Try sitting still in this place and feel your feet on the floor and your bottom

on the seat.

Take deep, slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth

and say to yourself ‘I am here’.

Reconnect with yourself

It is important to support and care for yourself as you progress along your

journey.

Regular exercise, even just walking, will relieve stress, tension and improve

your overall mood. Eat a balanced, healthy diet, drink plenty of water and

allow yourself to get enough sleep.

Spend time with people that energise you and avoid those who don’t.

You are the most important person at the moment.

Do things that make you feel good

During tough times we often feel that we are expected to ‘Keep Calm and

Carry On’. This can be a heavy burden to carry

Give yourself permission to let go regularly and notice how much better you

feel. Crying, shouting and even screaming will allow your body to release

tension.

Lighten your load

When things change there are often things that we wished we’ve said or

done. It is never too late to put this right.

Write a letter saying all the things you wanted to say and do. Imagine the

person listening and understanding as you read the letter out loud to them.

Say what you need to say

Feel free to laugh

Laughter has an amazing ability to heal us. The process of laughter releases

our stress and produces endorphins that make us feel good.

It is important to make time for guilt-free laughter and smiles.

Give yourself the time to progress slowly. Taking even a tiny step forward will

make you feel so much better.

Keep noticing the progress you are making. Don’t judge it, just notice it.

Take one step at a time

Change often hurts but, as you start to heal, the pain becomes more

bearable and you become stronger and wiser. Take some time to think about

the strength you have already developed and how this may help you from

now on.

Remember your strength

This is Helen’s third book. Further information on her previous books,

postcards and posters can be found on the Pelican website

www.pelicancoaching.com

Helen can be contacted at Helen.Chapman@PelicanCoaching.com

Helen Chapman has a passion for finding creative ways to help people deal

with the challenges they encounter in life and business. She believes that

through the process of coaching, people learn to become more resilient,

more effective and more healthy.

Helen is an Accredited NLP Coach and works with the Association for

Coaching as an assessor for new coaches to the Association. She is

Managing Director of Pelican Coaching and Development, a company with

offices in Yorkshire and Hertfordshire, specialising in coaching, team

development and inspirational workshops for private and corporate clients

based in the UK, Europe and the United States.

Helen and her partner live near Ilkley in North Yorkshire with their dog

Wellington.

www.pelicancoaching.com