LISTENING SKILLS

SANDEEP

Introduction

There is a reason God gave us two ears but only one mouth. By listening actively we can

better understand what is expected of us, build rapport with our coworkers, family and friends, resolve problems, grasp underlying meanings.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Most relationships are destroyed because people do not listen to each other. We are too focused on ourselves that we miss what the other person is saying. When we pray, we assume that God is listening to our prayers but do we pause to listen to Him? To keep a relationship healthy there has to be good communication. It doesn't matter if the relationship is in an intimate, casual or business context. The best way to be a great communicator is to be a really good listener. This makes people feel respected as well as understood.

It is difficult to find good listeners these days. Everyone seems to be in a hurry to make his point and talk about himself. May be this is an age when one has to advertise himself in a strong way. You have to be vocal to be heard. Good listening is an art which can be developed by constant practice. It needs a lot of patience. Encouraging others to speak while remaining silent is indeed difficult. However, if this habit is developed, one can definitely enter into meningful relationships which can be a good learning experience. One can then have a fair idea of which relationship gives utmost mental satisfaction. Judging the wavelengths of these relationships, one can devise effective strategies to cope to handle these relationships. One can attain peace of mind and find true happiness. Good listening does not mean that you should be a poor listener. You can utilize the advantages of good listening by being assertive according to the demands of situation. You should never miss the opportunity to come up with your own argument. In this way you can win the respect of others. When you are not a good listener, you generally become aggressive always ready to take the cudgels. This attitude generally does not pay off as you create more enemies than friends.

Types of listening

Discriminative listening

Discriminative listening is the most basic type of listening, whereby the difference between difference sounds is identified. If you cannot hear differences, then you cannot make sense of the meaning that is expressed by such differences.

Comprehension listening

The next step beyond discriminating between different sound and sights is to make sense of them. To comprehend the meaning requires first having a lexicon of words at our fingertips and also all rules of grammar and syntax by which we can understand what others are saying.

Critical listening

Critical listening is listening in order to evaluate and judge, forming opinion about what is being said. Judgment includes assessing strengths and weaknesses, agreement and approval.

Biased listening

Biased listening happens when the person hears only what they want to hear, typically misinterpreting what the other person says based on the stereotypes and other biases that they have. Such biased listening is often very evaluative in nature.

Evaluative listening

In evaluative listening, or critical listening, we make judgments about what the other person is saying. We seek to assess the truth of what is being said. We also judge what they say against our values, assessing them as good or bad, worthy or unworthy.

Appreciative listening

In appreciative listening, we seek certain information which will appreciate, for example that which helps meet our needs and goals. We use appreciative listening when we are listening to good music, poetry or maybe even the stirring words of a great leader.

Sympathetic listening

In sympathetic listening we care about the other person and show this concern in the way we pay close attention and express our sorrow for their ills and happiness at their joys.

Empathetic listening

When we listen empathetically, we go beyond sympathy to seek a truer understand how others are feeling. This requires excellent discrimination and close attention to the nuances of emotional signals. When we are being truly empathetic, we actually feel what they are feeling.

Relationship listening

Sometimes the most important factor in listening is in order to develop or sustain a relationship. This is why lovers talk for hours and attend closely to what each other has to say when the same words from someone else would seem to be rather boring.

Relationship listening is also important in areas such as negotiation and sales, where it is helpful if the other person likes you and trusts you.

GANESH

The Importance of Good Listening Skills

No matter if you know a child or an adult who needs help with listening skills, the problem can seem overwhelming. Not only is it frustrating when you have to repeat yourself, but at times it might feel like there is no communication.

At work, communication skills are essential not only with your supervisor, but also with your peers, clients or customers. If a person is not listening intently, communication is lost. Often people do not listen completely and are thinking about something else while someone is talking. This behavior creates conflicts, misinterpretation or overlooked information.

Listening skills are a learned behavior. And for good communication, everyone needs good listening skills. According to the University of Michigan's Human Resource Development department, listening is an active process and a skill that is learned.

There are many ways to develop good listening skills. With practice and diligence, most anyone can become a good listener. Although many researchers say good listening skills are developed the first few years of life, you are never too old to develop better listening skills. Reflecting back what we hear each other say helps give each a chance to become aware of the different levels that are going on below the surface. This helps to bring things into the open where they can be more readily resolved.If we accurately understand the other person’s view, we can be more effective in helping the person see the flaws in his/her position. If we listen so we can accurately understand the other’s view, we can also be more effective in discovering the flaws in our own position.

Sometimes a person just needs to be heard and acknowledged before the person is willing to consider an alternative or soften his /her position.It is often easier for a person to listen to and consider the other’s position when that person knows the other is listening and considering his/her position. It helps people to spot the flaws in their reasoning when they hear it played back without criticism.

It also helps identify areas of agreement so the areas of disagreement are put in perspective and are diminished rather than magnified listening tipsDo not respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the feelings or intent beyond the words. The dictionary or surface meaning of the words or code used by the sender is not the message. Once you accurately understand the sender’s message, it may be appropriate to respond with your own message. If you are confused and know you do not understand, either tell the person you do not understand and ask him/her to say it another way, or use your best guess. Ifyou are incorrect, the person will realize it and will likely attempt to correct your misunderstanding. Avoid looking at your watch or at other people or activities around the room. Face and lean toward the speaker and nod your head, as it is appropriate.

Identification

Listening skills are essential in the workplace, the family and in the community at large. Careers in communications, management, planning, sales, and fund raising, to name a few, rely on good listening skills. Listening, however, is more than just being able to hear and understand what someone else says. Listening skills involve etiquette, asking for clarification, showing empathy and providing an appropriate response.

Body Language

Good listening skills include using body language that empowers the speaker. You should make eye contact with the speaker. In a large auditorium or in a classroom, this means keeping your eyes looking at the speaker, not down or gazing at some daydream. Keep your hands down, not folded across your chest. Sit up and look alert.

Respect

People who have good listening skills show respect to the speaker by not interrupting him while he is talking. Even if the speaker stutters or is slow to speak or select his words, patience and restraining yourself from finishing his sentences is a mark of a good listener.

Comprehension

Good listening skills depend on good comprehension. Demonstrate that you understand by restating what you think you have heard. Then ask if you, in fact, did hear correctly. Ask questions that request specific clarification on points that you are unsure about. Be cognizant of the length of time that you speak, making sure not to dominate or usurp the conversation.

Response

Good listening skills are measured by the response of the listener. First, the response should validate the speaker with etiquette and empathy. Next, it should show that the listener understands the message. When the message has been adequately delivered and received, the result should be an action or statement that demonstrates that there has been a transaction between the speaker and the listener.

KIRAN

Keys to Become a Better Listener

Use your DISC drive •Desire :a desire to listen comes commitment.

•Interest: there is no such thing as an uninteresting topic; there are uninterestedpeople. Develop an interest.

•Self discipline: To eliminate distraction, understand speakers key point, overcomeboredom, interpret voice inflection & tone,understand non-verbal cues.•Concentration: concentration require greater efforts than does paying attention

The first step in becoming a better listener is to start by not letting your mind wander as the speaker is talking. If you catch your mind drifting, then gently remind yourself to focus on the words being said. It helps if you repeat in your mind what the speaker is saying; that way, you know you are actually hearing what is being said.

The next step is identifying what is being said. If you are not listening, then it is hard to know what the speaker is trying to convey. You can comprehend the speaker's words by relating the words to something you understand. If you do not understand what the speaker is saying, ask questions without interrupting.

It is good to give feedback when the speaker is done talking. When you provide feedback, you have the opportunity to see if you understood what was being said . Feedback also forms good communication and shows the speaker that you care about what he is saying.

Another helpful hint on being a good listener is to not criticize what is being said but to be active in the conversation. A good listener will be sympathetic to a speaker's view as opposed to challenging what is being said.

A point to remember is to never assume what the speaker is going to say next. Often when you assume, you are missing the main point of what the person is trying to say. Even if you do know what the speaker is going to say, just remember that a good listener will be courteous and let the speaker finish talking.

Why You Need Good Listening Skills?

Good listening skills make workers more productive. The ability to listen carefully will allow you to:

better understand assignments and what is expected of you; build rapport with co-workers, bosses, and clients; show support; work better in a team-based environment; resolve problems with customers, co-workers, and bosses; answer questions; and find underlying meanings in what others say.

Advantages of listening

1. Listening protects you from trouble- a good listener receives instructions,

suggestions and warnings (tell this to your teenager).

2. Listening lets you know what is going on- If we believe that life is about learning experiences,

the more you listen and understand, the more you learn from your experiences.

3. Listening makes you more competent- Regardless of what your position is,

the more information you have about the position (and that includes being a parent) the more successful you will be.

4. Listening makes you look intelligent- This is a double edge sword in that the better you

listen the more knowledge you acquire but it also makes you look intelligent.

5. Listening increases your power- There is a saying that “knowledge is power, use it”.

the power of knowledge gained through listening enables you to have more data at your disposal than others.

RUCHITA

6. Listening helps you understand others- The only way to understand others and make them meet your needs and you meet theirs is by listening to them.

7. Listening help you negotiate better- To get what you want you must start at the point of knowing what the other person is willing to give.

8. Listening defuses anger in others- The best initial response to emotions is made with your ears.

By listening to an angry person, you understand the cause of their anger and you can then demonstrate proper empathy.

9. Listening builds self esteem- When you listen to another person, you are in effect saying “I value you and what you have to say”.

This applies to spouse, your children, employee and friends.

10. Listening makes love real- listening is one of the most convincing expression of love and caring.

By taking time to listen, you affirm the other person and show them that they are important to you.

DISADVANTAGES

Despite the advantages of listening people don’t listen to others in various circumstances for a great variety of reasons. They are called barriers or deterrents to listening. However, one of the disadvantages of listening exercises is that students are not able to see extra linguistic features such as facial expressions, gestures and body language in order to be able to tell how the speaker feels and infer further meaning from what is said. Italian and Greek are examples of two languages that make good use of such extra linguistic features, as people "speak" with their hands and eyes, as well as with their mouth. That is why students from these countries may find it difficult to make sense of what they hear, as they are used to the visual delivery of language, as well as the spoken word. But a change in tone or pitch can help students to guess at the meaning of what is being said.

Another difficulty that students may have is the speed of the speech that they hear. Natural spoken English is fast, rather than slow and easy to grasp. Students not only have to work out what is being said during therecording, but they also need to

apply this information to the context. Does the speech have a literal meaning or are there other ways to interpret what is being said? A recording can also be unclear and muffled, or appear so to students who cannot put a face to the speech.

One way that teachers can help to overcome the problem of listening exercises is to play the recording twice. The first time can be to help students look out for the gist of the overall meaning of the recording. Taking down brief notes can help students to decode what is being said. When it is played back a second time, they can then listen out for any other relevant information that was missed the first time around.

Teachers need to thoroughly prepare students for listening exercises. They can do this by going over some new vocabulary that will be coming up in the recording, explaining its meaning and any other ways in which the same words can have different meanings and the different functions of phrases. For example, "You could have told me!" is an accusatory statement intended to let another person know of their displeasure in having information withheld from them. Therefore, it is not just what is said, but the overall context that is also important in helping students to work out the actual meaning of what they hear.

Teachers will need to tailor their lesson plan according to their students' level of understanding in order to have the most success during listening exercises. If not, the information will not benefit them as much and they will fail to get the gist of the listening exercise.

Communication is the process by which individuals and businesses transfer messages between or among each other. While many communication forms exist, verbal communication is quite common because it simply requires one individual to verbalize words to convey a message. However, verbal communication does have some disadvantages, much like any other communication method. Individuals and businesses must be aware of these disadvantages or limitations so they can overcome them prior to communicating messages.

Cultural

A common disadvantage to verbal communication is the cultural differences between the sender and the receiver. These differences can arise from the individuals speaking different languages, inability to understand the other person's

colloquial phrases or a difference in understanding basic terms. Businesses often face these problems when they have multiple international locations. Business owners, directors and executive managers must learn and understand various cultural differences prior to using verbal communication.

Audience

The audience size is a disadvantage to verbal communication because individuals can only speak to a limited number of people at a given time. While the size can change through the location of the speech or amplification systems, audience size constraints still exist. While basic or individual instructions are common uses of verbal communication, attempting to send a large volume of information through a lengthy speech may only reach a few individuals.

Listening

Verbal communication is a two-way street; when one party talks, the other needs to listen. However, listening is often a disadvantage to verbal communication. Individuals may not be active listeners. They may decide to focus on their response or not listen at all to the spoken message. When this occurs, the effectiveness of verbal communication becomes weaker. While speakers may be unable to control the listening actions or their audience, framing verbal communication through the use of certain words or phrases can help transfer the message.

Longevity

Verbal communication also has a disadvantage of having a short period of longevity. Receivers may quickly forget the message and have difficulty attempting to recall the message. Speakers may need to find a way to make their message more memorable; this may involve the use of a secondary communication method. Using a second communication can require more time to send the message and ensure that the receiving audience understands the message

Fear

the biggest deterrent to the listening process is the element of fear. It alienates the listener from the sender. Even before the communication is commenced the mind of the listener is blocked. Should he or should he not posit his own point of view? What is going to be the general outcome? Would he be viewed in a positive light?

All these flood his mind. When the actual process of communication begins he is still trying to find a solution to his problems. By the time that he can actually focus on the message, almost half of the communication is over and again he has missed crucial elements.

Conducive Body Postures The body language at the time of listening should be conducive to communication process. Leaning back or sitting slumped in the chair are gestures through which the listener distances himself from the speaker. If an upright position or a slight lean in the chair can be sported automatically, the listener would be lessening the distance between the sender and himself. Chances are high that there would be an improvement in his listening.

FeedbackCommunication is a two-way process. Receivers don’t just absorb the

message like sponges; they respond to them. The discernible response of the listeners to sender’s messages is called feedback. Unless and until there is a feedback- be it in verbal or non- verbal form- we can not say that effective communication has taken place. This is the most important part of communication that completes the entire lop. A good strategy of giving feedback is to follow this three-tier process.

PRIYANKA

EXAMPLES

1. our Alumni MR. Ramaswami 2. Dr. Gerry Bell from bell Leadership Institute gives light on listening on June

17, 2010 on Entrepreneurial Masters Program gives laws of Listening :

You can’t listen and work at the same time.

You can’t listen and think at the same time.

There is no such thing as multitasking.

Everyone knows exactly when you stopped listening.

You can’t fake listening. You can’t pretend to listen. You can’t fool people.

People only tell you the truth when they think you’re capable of hearing it.

Conclusion

Main conclusion from the above discussion is that whether we are in an

organization or not we have to be a good listener because without having good

listening skills a person cannot succeed in life at every stage or step we concern

with listening. Listening is important not only in a workplace but also in our

common life. Listening helps us a lot in many aspects of life.

listening cannot be defined while variable attributes are those, which vary person

to person. Critical attributes include receiving, attending and understanding while

variable attributes include responding and remembering.

Listening is very important in our common life as well as in professional life. To

be a good employee one has to be a good listener first, because at every step an

employee has to listen to many things like instructions from his or her supervisor

or boss. Teamwork is more effective if the members of the team are good listeners.

When we talk about listening in non-verbal communication then we come to know

that effective listening is only possible when a listener understands verbal language

as well as understands the body language of the speaker. Otherwise listening

cannot be effective. There are many barriers in effective listening like physical

distraction, mental disturbance of the listener, language or cultural differences,

prejudice and emotions etc. Hence, for a good listener it is essential to overcome

all these barriers. A good listener pays full attention to the speaker and also uses

non-verbal cues to ensure that the speaker is being listened carefully. Key to success:Become a more effective listener. Practice the active listening technique andmake it one of your communication skills

L = Level-off. Through leveling-off with the speakers situation, it will set you to effectively listen to your conversation. It will give you the same the direction as the speaker in terms of the level of intensity on the things that you are talking to.

I = Interact. To effectively listen, try to interact with the speakers by asking an open question. Restatement is another way to interact to your speaker in which you can show to him/her that you understood the information.

S = Single Mindedness. Focus is the key to effective listening. It is important to screen out distractions and focus mentally. Dont be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or assumptions.

T = Take their thoughts. Collect their thoughts when the speaker became silent as it gives you the impression that you were attentively listening to them.

E = Empathy. Another critical factor in developing effective listening skill is to have empathy for the speaker. Put yourself on the speakers shoes. Listen with your heart and not with your head.

N = Never interrupt while the speaker speaks. Wait for the speaker to get silent before you will share your opinion. Wait for your time to speak after listening.

W = Withdraw judgment. Suspend judgment and avoid making any conclusions until the speaker is done.

E = Eye Contact. One of the keys to effective listening is to pay attention to the speaker. Maintain eye contact and acknowledge what they are saying. This will keep both you and the speaker on track and focused on the conversation.

L = Less Talk. Majority of the people listen with impatience. Just listen and give your full attention to the speaker.

L = Learn. When you listen actively. You will be able to learn various things from the speakers personal knowledge and opinions of a certain topic and gaining some useful information.