Get A Head Start On Your College Application Essays:

Impact and Initiative

Rebecca Joseph, PhD

getmetocollege@gmail.com

@getmetocollege

Website/App: getmetocollegeAll College ApplicationEssays

How Important Are Personal Statements?

What do American colleges look for?1. Grades2. Rigor of Coursework, School3. Test Scores4. Essays/Personal Statements*5. Recommendations-Teacher and/or Counselor6. Activities-Consistency, development,

leadership, and initiative7. Special skills, culture, connections, talents,

and passions

The Power and Danger of Essays

1. Give me two reasons why admissions officers value college application essays.

2. Give me two reasons why they often dread reading the majority of them.

Essays=Opportunity

ShareReflectStand Out

Do College Admissions Essays Matter?

Essays are “not a substitute for a rigorous curriculum, good grades and evidence that you're going to do well,”

Still, the essay can make a difference.

The first challenge for the writer: picking a topic.

Any topic can work — or fail.

The biggest problem for students is starting with too wide a focus. "By the time they get to the details, they run out of space. I'm all for cutting to the chase."

So….Tip 1

Tip 1. College essays are fourth in importance behind grades, test scores, and the rigor of completed coursework in many admissions office decisions. Don’t waste this powerful opportunity to share your voice and express what you really offer to a college campus. Great life stories make you jump off the page and into your match colleges.

A New Paradigm

Tip 2. Develop an overall strategic essay writing plan. College essays should work together to help you communicate key qualities and stories not available anywhere else in your application.

Remember: The package of essays counts…not just one.It’s the message that you communicate along with the power of your

stories and your writingIt’s your ability to take the reader into, through, and beyond your

stories quickly and memorablyTell stories that belong just to you. That’s why a narrow and powerfully,

personal focus is key.

Essays = Opportunity

Take control over the highest ranked non-academic aspect of the application

Realize the package of essays counts…not just one Share their voice Empower students to take ownership of their stories Express who they really are Show (not tell) stories that belong only to them and

help them jump off the page Challenge stereotypes Reflect on their growth and development, including

accomplishments and service Seek to understand what the admission officer is

looking for

What DO Admissions Officers Seek?

ContextValuesIntellectual curiosity, a playful mind, or a sense of

humorCommitment/Depth of InterestsInteraction with and/or perception by othersSpecial talents and qualities Realistic self-appraisal

Ultimately…admissions officers want to know your…

Impact Initiative

Four Major Application Types: 1. The Common Application

Many private and some public American use the centralized Common Application with their own Writing supplements

It will go live August 1. More than 600 colleges use it. www.commonapp.org Don’t start writing any essays until you see all the essays

required for your top schools. My app-All College Application Essays has the requirements.

1. Common Application Essays

One Long/ 250-650 words –Paste in. 1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they

believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

2. The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

3. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea.  What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again. 

4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution. 

5. Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.  

Activities: The Common Application leaves room for 10 activitiesAdditional Information: The Common Application allows you to add additional information.

Accepts up to 650 words.Supplemental EssaysThey range from one line to 500 words. Some schools have one, while other have three. They

can overlap. If it says optional, view it as mandatory.

Common Application Writing Supplements

Some long– U Penn, U Chicago (300-650 words)

Some medium—Stanford Some small— Columbia, Brown

Four Major Application Types: 2. Large Public Universities

Many large and most prominent public universities have their own applications. Universities of Arizona, California, Indiana, Maryland,

Oregon, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin—to name just some

They each have different essay requirements. They each have your report activities in a different way. But there are ways to use your other essays here as well. They have their own essays. You should gather their topics

and look for ways to use your common application essay as one of your essays for the public colleges, and visa-versa.

UC California

Two essays Respond to both prompts, using a maximum of 1,000 words total. You may allocate the word count as you wish. If you choose to respond to

one prompt at greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)-[Outside-In]Describe the world you come from – for example, your

family, community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt #2 (all applicants) [Inside-Out]Tell us about a personal quality, talent,

accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are.

University of Texas Essay Tips

Don’t tell us what you think we want to hear. The university’s essay readers don’t have a perfect essay in mind – as a matter of fact essays that sound like all the rest of them – the essay that is expected – is more likely to be overlooked.

Be yourself. Show us what makes you unique, how you’ve dealt with issues and problems, what you think about the topic at hand. Good writing teachers tell their students to write about what they know. That’s good advice for college essays, too.

Use a natural voice and style. Although it’s always important to use proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, diction, etc., don’t write to try to impress anyone. Use words and a style that are appropriate for the topic you’re writing about, for someone your age, and for someone who’s trying to communicate clearly and logically.

Don’t be overly informal either. Your essay will be read by an adult professional. In almost all cases, you should avoid using words or phrases that you might use when texting someone or on a social networking site.

Develop your ideas. Although the length of your essay alone technically doesn’t matter, developing your ideas completely does matter. If you can do that in a single page of text, that’s good; but if it takes you three pages or so, that’s alright, too (as long as you’re not just adding words to make your essay longer). It’s not realistic to assume that you can clearly communicate your unique perspective about anything in a short paragraph or two.

Organize your thoughts. All good writing has a beginning, a middle, and an end. That doesn’t mean you should be formulaic in your writing (this isn’t a high school exit exam), but you should introduce your idea, provide interesting examples and details in support of your idea, and come to some sort of conclusion at the end.

Don’t respond to the prompt as though you’re answering a question. Again, we don’t have a perfect essay in mind. The prompt is supposed to get your mind churning, to make you want to tell us what you think about something that’s important to you. Your essay is your opportunity to do that.

Four Major Application Types: 3. Private college specific applications

Fewer and fewer major private universities are not on the common application

But there are still holdouts.Georgetown and MIT to name a view.

Make sure you don’t write unnecessary essays as Georgetown essays are like The Common Application.

Four Major Application Types:4. Other systems

Some large public systems have their own applications which do not require long, if any essays. Yet their applications for financial aid or academic support programs add in those requirements. Washington State, for example, several short essays which they share with other state systems.

The Universal Application is another system. It has fewer colleges on it than The Common Application.

Develop A Master Chart

Tip 3. Keep a chart of all essays required by each college, including short responses and optional essays. View each essay or short response as a chance to tell a new story and to share your core qualities.

I recommend three sheets. 1. Major deadlines and needs. Break it down by the four

application types 2. Core essays-Color code all the similar or overlapping essays. 3. Supplemental essays. Each college has extra requirements

on the common application. Again color code similar types: Why are you a good match for us? How will you add to the diversity of our campus?

Write the Fewest Yet Most Effective Essays…

Tip 4. Find patterns

between colleges essay requirements.

Use essays more than once.

UC 1 or 2=Common App =Scholarship Essay

Where to Begin: Brainstorm

Brainstorm

Tip 5. Share positive messages and powerful

outcomes. Focus on impact, leadership, and initiative.If you want to include challenges, lead quickly

to who you are now.Some states can use only socio-economic

status, but not race, in admissions, but in your essays, your voice and background can emerge.

 

 

Brainstorming Tips

1. Starting by writing three short activity statements2. Reading model essays from actual college

websites3. Looking at other college’s essay prompts-U

Chicago, Tufts4. Writing a “Where I’m From” piece5. Creating a letter to future roommate or an

amazing list of what makes you you.6. Looking at 5 top FB and Instagram Pictures7. Reading models from other students

What Did You Do Last Summer?

Sherlyn-Common Application

When I graduated pre-K, I sternly declared I was not going to attend kindergarten. “Why not?” my mom asked in Spanish, mildly amused. “My teacher says I am going to fail because I don’t know English,” I replied (in Spanish, of course). “That’s why you need to go to kindergarten: to learn English” she said, explaining that she too was in the process of learning English, a difficult task without proper schooling. And thus was born my optimistic approach towards both pessimistic individuals and trying learning. But more than that, I began to understand the frustration that a language barrier brought upon my mom.As a child, I viewed my lack of understanding of the English language as temporaryobstacle; as an adult, my mom’s grasp of the English language was a limitation—impaired communication was knowing what you wanted to say but being unable to articulate it. As my grasp of the English language grew to surpass my mom’s, I would often receive phone calls from her at work in which she would ask me the meaning of an English word or ask me to translate a word from Spanish to English so she could use it. My mom taught me not only to appreciate and take advantage of every opportunity presented, but also to use my skills to help others. At the time a seemingly insignificant moment, when a non-English-speaking man at Barnes and Noble wanted to put a book on hold but did not know how to tell the cashier, I translated for him; it is because of my mom that I discovered the joy of helping others.“By the time I was six, I cooked and cleaned for my ten siblings and your grandparents without being asked,” my mom reminds me when I neglect to do my chores. I am merely the oldest of four children and my duties pale in comparison to my mom’s who was one of three girls in her populous family. Because my mom is a single parent who works late nights three days a week, my sixteen year old sister and I take care of our two younger siblings, an 11 year old brother and an 8 year-old sister, as we have since I was 12 years old and she was 11. 

“By the time I was six, I cooked and cleaned for my ten siblings and your grandparents without being asked,” my mom reminds me when I neglect to do my chores. I am merely the oldest of four children and my duties pale in comparison to my mom’s who was one of three girls in her populous family. Because my mom is a single parent who works late nights three days a week, my sixteen year old sister and I take care of our two younger siblings, an 11 year old brother and an 8 year-old sister, as we have since I was 12 years old and she was 11. Having received a scholarship and attended a private high school, I have experiencedmore significant external opportunities than my siblings. For that reason, my mom encourages me to impart my knowledge onto my siblings while behaving as a role model for them, especially when the topic is academics. After school, I spend one to two hours helping my siblings with any homework or questions they may have. My mom’s childhood experiences a caregiver at an age when she should have been taken care of constantly inspire me. Although my work load is heavy, I choose to set it aside, at least for a little while, in order to enjoy and fulfill the role of oldest sister—a role infused with the power to positively influence my siblings’ mindset and daily choices.

Having grown up in near-poverty, my mom did not attend college in Mexico, choosing to come to the United States in search for work. Without a college degree and moderate English mastery, my mom has had to work long work days with minimal pay as a both a Sous-Chef and a cook without a title, as well as a housekeeper. Sometimes when my mom wakes up at 4:30 am to go to work, she finds me at the dinner table working on homework or studying; I go get ready and leave with her, sleeping in the car until 7:00 am when she drives me to school. My mom has shown me that achievement requires the will-power to make sacrifices on the way to a better life.

 

Our sacrifices reflect the value that we place on family and education. I see my mom’s love and wisdom everyday through her actions. Womanhood, she’s shown me, is not easy; but that doesn’t mean we should stop dreaming.

My mom is a woman of vision. Using her talents, she initiated a project to cook and selllunch after church services in order to raise money. Thanks to the success of her idea, she later became the president of the women’s group at church. Not coincidentally, I decided to become avidly involved in church, choosing to run for president of my youth group on the same day she did. Once elected to the position, I often coordinated fundraisers with mom, offering her the manpower of teenagers with boundless energy—cooperation at its best. Just as my mom used her leadership skills, I was able to develop mine own in a similar environment.

As my high school years near an end, I look forward to taking more risks with the skillsI’ve developed thanks to my mom. Everyday is an opportunity to propel myself forward without forgetting those who’ve helped me get there—all the while remaining conscious of helping others along the way.

Sherlyn Second Essay

Guacamole is my love child—the product of my unlikely union with St. John’s School. Tomatoes, jalapeño peppers, onions, cilantro, avocados, salt, and limes (not lemons) meticulously chopped, mashed, squeezed or pinched into life with the stir of a metal spoon, and combined in a distinctive ratio that can only be tasted, not measured. Utopia can exist in a bowl.

For me, guacamole making is a rare ritual which takes place two to three times a year. The ritual began October 23rd, 2008, a day commemorating Avagadro’s number, 6.022 X 1023, commonly referred to as a “mole” in chemistry. Avagadro, Avocado; mole, GuacaMOLE. With puns foreshadowing my destiny, my lively chemistry teacher invited the class to bring food for the Mole Day lunch time celebration. As the only Hispanic student in my class, I felt obliged to deliver authentic Mexican guacamole. Naturally, I asked my mom, a chef by profession, for a recipe. I modified it slightly, making it my own as I progressed, accommodating the recipe to my conception of my classmates’ palettes, ensuring that their tongues would remain well and intact despite the abundance of jalapeño peppers.

Sometimes, while chopping plum tomatoes into bite-sized squares, I recall life before this ritual began. Originating from a public middle school whose main architectural feature was “temporary” trailer-like buildings, I enrolled in the affluent K-12 St. John’s School as a high school freshman. I was dismayed to discover that I would undertake the adventure of private schooling in a place paradoxically plagued with scarcity—scarcity of Hispanic students. My classmates were plum tomatoes and I was a Roma tomato—a tomato nonetheless, as tasty and good as the rest, yet starkly out of place. I was convinced I belonged in a different recipe.

I move on to dice onions, using a blade to disrupt the onion’s abutting but distinct compartments. Though vital to my recipe, I am nonetheless annoyed when the onion generates volatile vapors that stimulate involuntary tears from my unsuspecting eyes. I understand the chemistry behind these tears, but am startled by the tears that come after my first week at my new school. Like a blade through an onion, the force of a scholarship had torn apart the barrier between this new world of intellectual opportunity and me. However, instead of reveling in the opportunity, I cried.

I was cilantro, not parsley—a main ingredient in Mexican, not Italian dishes; I was the less “refined” of the two. Simply put, I wasn’t rich. Who would have thought that tailoring my school uniform skirt would cost more than the skirt itself? Before I came to St. John’s School, I had never given money significant consideration—never realized the immensity of my mother’s Herculean task of supporting four children on her own. Momentarily angry after my mom decided I would not have my uniform tailored, I was later overcome with guilt.

In the midst of what seemed never ending agony, my English teacher, the only African-American teacher in the Upper School, suggested I join FACETS, a diversity club, soon after I had joined the Hispanic Affinity Group. I was now a jalapeño pepper almost ready to be diced. Almost.

Before I dice the jalapeño peppers, I first cut them open to remove most of the seeds inside—the source of the overwhelming spice. Through a FACETS sponsored Student Diversity Leadership Conference, I dispelled my self-imposed label as an “outsider” like I did the useless jalapeño pepper seeds by examining myself and my beliefs. I learned that culture and socioeconomic status were layers of diversity, much like religion, age, and gender, which make a community both alike and different. I was like salt adding another layer of “taste” to its environment.

As I mash the avocados into a pasty and gooey consistency, I take pride in avocado’s health benefits—before adding lime juice. Like avocados’ good fatty acids, the experience of attending St. John’s School provided me with so many benefits. What I initially thought impossible became possible: I learned to value my heritage, to celebrate diversity, and most importantly, to share both with others.

I share my creation with my classmates, who devour it instantly with salty restaurant style Tostitos chips; they do so twice a year since my first mole day, demanding more each time. Before I created my guacamole fiestas, many of my classmates were unaware of the importance I placed on my heritage. “So wait, what are you?” a perplexed classmate once asked, attempting to determine my ethnicity. I believe that their oblivion was partially due to the fact I hadn’t yet discovered how crucial my ethnicity was to my identity. But now I know. Guacamole is utopia in a bowl— its components each making a unique contribution to create a more perfect whole. These components—my experiences—have shaped the person I am today; they have impacted my view of the person I want become. As an individual more open to change and new experiences, who knows? Maybe I’ll be a quesadilla next.

Into, Through, and Beyond Essay Approach

Tip 7. Follow Dr. Joseph’s Into, Through, and Beyond approach.

It is not just the story that counts.

It’s the choice of qualities a student wants the college to know about herself

Into, Through, and Beyond

Into

It’s the way the reader can lead the reader into the piece—images, examples, context. Always uses active language: power verbs, crisp adjectives, specific nouns.

Through

What happened…quickly…yet clearly with weaving of story and personal analysis Specific focus on the student Great summarizing, details, and images at same time

Beyond

Ending that evokes key characteristics Conveys moral Answers ending prompts of two UC essays

UC 1”and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.” UC 2 “What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to

the person you are”

Tip 8. Use active writing: avoid passive sentences and incorporate power verbs. Show when possible; tell when summarizing.

Tip 9. Have trusted inside and impartial outside readers read your essays. Make sure you have no spelling or grammatical errors.

Take the Time With These Essays

Free Write

Thinking of how Sherlyn started her essays. Think of a way to begin one with one of your activities or accomplishments.

Final Thoughts

Tip 10. Most importantly, make yourself come alive throughout this process. Write about yourself as passionately and powerfully as possible. Be proud of your life and accomplishments. Sell yourself!!!

Students often need weeks not days to write effective essays. You need to push beyond stereotypes.

Admissions officers can smell “enhanced” essays.

You can find many great websites and examples but each student is different.

A Personal FavoriteThe rain felt like needles pricking at my skin, causing me to wish I could have had an extra layer of clothing. But what could an extra layer of clothing have done? Not much since further ahead it would have been damped and heavy. I always wished for marathons to be on cloudy and rainy days so the heat wouldn’t cause the runs to be harder. A year ago during the LA Marathon, I got more than I wished for. It poured heavily.

But this time, I wasn’t running for myself; I was running with the five middle school students I had trained for the past eight months. I started off the race running alongside the coach and a student who wanted to be sure she would have a good pace to finish. Surprisingly, by the second mile, she had already started to speed up, and I asked her if she would like to run ahead. The enthusiastic look in her eyes shone through like a ray of light; she was hopeful that by running ahead she could beat the time people expected of her. As both of us continued on towards the fourth mile, the rain became heavier and the chilly wind grew fierce. The only way we could try to battle the cold and try to keep our bodies warm was to run faster and longer.

Little by little we managed to run the magnificent “From the Stadium to the Sea” course. It was my fourth time running the L.A. Marathon and second time running the course. To my benefit and disgrace knowing the path helped and hurt me--I knew how far we were from the finish line, the hills, streets, and places. That made the temptation to stop when I felt sleepy and exhausted great just like the temptation to run ahead when I had energy, but I was aware that my partner was going to need help and encouragement in those last and arduous miles. With her I was able to give back the support I received in my first marathon, and deep inside I was grateful for the opportunity.

As we headed to Rodeo Drive a sudden rush of energy came over me. The view of the stores and their elegance made me remember that the marathon represented my struggle to achieve a better life for myself and the people I love. I remembered that I had my immigrant family standing in the cold and harsh rain trying to stay dry under the umbrellas whose flaps were weak against that ocean wind.

Remembering all this carried me through when I hit the wall on mile 22. The energy I had felt before was leaving my grasp. I felt that that was as far as I could go. My partner had become exhausted and our walking pace had become slower. We had met three other students who were struggling to continue, one of them was starting to get the chills, while another had cramps; it was at that moment that my real fear began. I was scared that they might collapse and that I wouldn’t be able to help them. All I could think of was to accommodate the pace to their needs without letting them give up on running at least a little.

All five of us completed the 2011 Los Angeles Marathon on the rainiest and coldest day we ever experienced. My greatest accomplishment was to help students achieve the goals they thought impossible to complete. I learned that I have the strength and character to accomplish and succeed, and that though the road may not be easy, it is possible.

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