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Relational Maintenance
What is it, how should we do it, & when do we do it?
What is more important?
Turning Points• Major events• Holidays• Proposals• Major Conflicts
Everyday Talk• Day-to-day greetings
• Task Sharing• Relational speak
VS.
Relational Satisfaction
• What factors do you think lead to relational satisfaction?– Time?• Problem – do we love each other over time or do we
love each other so we stay together longer…
– Positivity?– Comfort?
Relational Maintenance
• 4 Definitions– Keeping relationships in existence (save it)– Keeping relationships in a specific state (status quo)– Keep relationship satisfactory (always improve)– Keep relationship in repair (scheduled maintenance)
Pro-Social
Trust, Closeness, & Liking
Anti-Social
Negative relational affect
Activity
• In groups, come up with two examples for each maintenance behavior.
• Discuss both the benefits and the problems with these specific behaviors.
Strategic vs. Routine Maintenance
Modality
Take out a sheet of paper….
• Write down the following:– Face-to-face– Phone– Text– Email– Facebook
Question 1
• For each medium, rank each on a scale of 1-10 (1=inappropriate, 10=appropriate) according to the following scenario.
• Announcing to your closest friends that you have just got engaged.
Question 2
• For each medium, rank each on a scale of 1-10 (1=inappropriate, 10=appropriate) according to the following scenario.
• You want to tell your significant other that you have just been offered a lucrative job in Germany.
Question 3
• For each medium, rank each on a scale of 1-10 (1=inappropriate, 10=appropriate) according to the following scenario.
• You want to let your co-workers know about a baby shower for another co-worker.
Question 4
• For each medium, rank each on a scale of 1-10 (1=inappropriate, 10=appropriate) according to the following scenario.
• You want to wish an old high school acquaintance a happy birthday.
Media Richness
Relational Maintenance
Day 2
Can we maintain relationships via ONLY Computer Mediated Communication?
Four types of Relationships
• Virtual online only• Pinocchio meet online 1st, but meet f2f later• Cyber-immigrant meet f2f 1st, but meet
online later• Real world only f2f
The Honeymoon Stage
AKA – The Vomit Stage
The Honeymoon Stage
• When does this happen?– Initial stages of a relationship.– After major turning points.• Weddings, first move in, first holiday
– After long periods of absence.• Military deployments
• When does it end?– First conflict.– Typically no more than 2 weeks.
Military Homecoming
What causes decreases to relational satisfaction?
What causes decreases to relational satisfaction?
1. Inefficient Communication2. Unbalanced decision making3. Sexual compatibility4. Uneven division of labor5. Time spent with spouse6. Time spent with friends
Same-Sex Relationships
What maintenance behaviors are important for maintaining same-sex friendships?
Just Friends…
What does it mean to be “just friends?”
What challenges do we experience when we are “just friends?
• Emotional Challenge– We struggle with the notion that these feelings of
love are not “romantic” love.• Sexual Challenge– Studies show that up to 50% of cross-sex friends
reported some sort of sexual attraction.• Public Presentation– People always assume that the two of you are
romantically involved.
RELATIONAL DIALECTICS Leslie Baxter’s
Three Major Types of TensionsIntegration Certainty Expression
Internal Manifestations
(Tensions expressed within the relationships)
Connection vs.
Autonomy
Predictability vs.
Novelty
Openness vs.
Closedness
External Manifestations
(Tensions expressed about external relationships)
Inclusion vs.
Seclusion
Conventionality vs.
Uniqueness
Revelation vs.
Concealment
Three Major Types of TensionsIntegration Certainty Expression
Internal Manifestations
(Tensions expressed within the relationships)
Connection vs.
Autonomy
Predictability vs.
Novelty
Openness vs.
Closedness
External Manifestations
(Tensions expressed about external relationships)
Inclusion vs.
Seclusion
Conventionality vs.
Uniqueness
Revelation vs.
Concealment
Three Major Types of TensionsIntegration Certainty Expression
Internal Manifestations
(Tensions expressed within the relationships)
Connection vs.
Autonomy
Predictability vs.
Novelty
Openness vs.
Closedness
External Manifestations
(Tensions expressed about external relationships)
Inclusion vs.
Seclusion
Conventionality vs.
Uniqueness
Revelation vs.
Concealment
Managing the Tensions
• Selection– We simply choose one side of the tension
• Separation– Favor each side depending on the situation
• Neutralization– Never fully favor either side
• Reframing– Discuss how the tensions compliment each other
Next time…
