Looking Out/Looking In Thirteenth Edition 8 COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS CHAPTER TOPICS Why We Form Relationships Relational Development and Maintenance

Looking Out/Looking InLooking Out/Looking InThirteenth EditionThirteenth Edition

88COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATIONAND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSAND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

CHAPTER TOPICSCHAPTER TOPICS

• Why We Form Relationships• Relational Development and Maintenance• Communicating about Relationships

22COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

Why We Form RelationshipsWhy We Form Relationships

• Appearance• Is especially important in the early stages• Partners create “positive illusions,” viewing

another as more attractive over time

• Similarity• We like people who are similar to us• Friendships are more likely to last when

friends are similar to one another



• Complementarily• Differences strengthen relationships when

they are complementary• Each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s

needs

• Reciprocal Attraction• We like people who like us – usually• People who approve of us, bolster our self-

esteem



• Competence• We like to be around talented people• If a person is too talented it can be difficult to

be around them because they make us look bad

• Disclosure• Revealing information about yourself can help

to build liking• Not all disclosure leads to liking



• Proximity• We are likely to develop relationships with

people we interact with frequently• Familiarity can also breed contempt

• Most aggravated assaults occur within the family

• Rewards• Social Exchange Theory

• Relationships that give us rewards greater than or equal to the costs of the relationship


Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance

• Models of Relational Development

Figure 8.1 Page 276



• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Initiating

• Communication during this stage is usually brief• Simplistic communication is a way of signaling you

may want to begin a relationship

• Experimenting• After initial contact we decide if we with to pursue

the relationship further• Uncertainty reduction

• Getting to know others by gaining more information



• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Intensifying

• The interpersonal relationship begins to develop• The expression of feeling becomes more common• Giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting

• Integrating• Parties begin to take on identity as a social unit• Partners begin to take on each other’s

commitments• Close friends may begin to speak alike



• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Bonding

• Parties make symbolic public gestures• Commitment is increased during this stage• Being together comes to be relied on

• Differentiating• The “We” orientation shifts back to “I”• The stage is likely to occur when the relationship

experiences its first feelings of stress



• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Circumscribing

• Partners behave towards each other in old, familiar ways

• Communication decreases in quantity and quality• Shrinking of interest and commitment

• Stagnating• No growth occurs• The relationship is a hollow shell of its former self



• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Avoiding

• Parties begin to create physical distance between each other

• Unsuccessful couples deal with their problems by avoidance, indirectness and less involvement

• Terminating• Includes summary dialogue• Depending on each person’s feelings, this stage

can be quite short or drawn out over time



• Models of Relational Development• Alternate patters of relational development

Figure 8.3 Page 282



• Models of Relational Development• Dialectical Perspectives

• Communicators seek important but inherently incompatible goals through their relationship

• Dialectical Tensions• Conflicts that arise when two opposing or

incompatible forces exist simultaneously• Managing dialectical tensions can create the most

powerful dynamic in relational communication



• Models for Relational Development• Dialectical Tensions

• Connection versus Autonomy• We seek out involvement with others• We are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity to even

the most satisfying relationship• One of the most common reasons for relational breakups

involve failure of partners to satisfy each other’s needs for connection

• “We barely spent any time together.”• “I was feeling trapped.”



• Models for Relational Development• Dialectical Tensions

• Openness versus Privacy• Along with the need to disclose, we have an equally

important drive to maintain space• Even the strongest relationships require some distance

• Predictability versus Novelty• Too much predictability can lead to feelings of staleness• The challenge is to juggle the desire for predictability

with the desire for novelty that keeps a relationship fresh



• Models for Relational Development• Managing Dialectical Tensions

• In one study married couples reported:• Connection-autonomy was the most frequent (30.8%)• Predictability –novelty was second (21.7%)• Openness-privacy was least (12.7%)



• Models for Relational Development• Managing Dialectical Tensions• Other Strategies

• Denial• Reporting to one end of the dialectical spectrum and

ignoring the other

• Disorientation• Communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless they

are unable to confront their problems

• Alternation• Alternating between extremes on the spectrum




• Segmentation• Partners use this tactic to compartmentalize different

areas of their relationship

• Balance• Communicators try to balance dialectical tensions

• Integration• Simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to

diminish them




• Recalibration• Responding to dialectical challenges by reframing them

so that apparent contradictions disappear

• Reaffirmation• This strategy acknowledges that dialectical tensions will

never disappear



• Characteristics of Relationships• Relationships:

• Are constantly changing• Are affected by culture• Require Maintenance• Require Commitment

• Relation commitment involves a promise – sometimes implied and sometimes explicit – to remain in the relationship and make it successful



• Repairing Damaged Relationships• Types of relational transgressions

• Minor versus Significant• Recognize problems for what they are

• Social versus Relational• Some transgression violate social, not relational norms

• Deliberate versus Unintentional• Transgressions are not always intentional

• One-time versus Incremental• Accidents do happen



• Repairing Damaged Relationships• An apology requires three elements:

• An acknowledgment that the transgression was wrong: “I acted like a jerk.”

• A sincere apology: “I’m really sorry. I feel awful for letting you down.”

• Some type of compensation: “If I act that way again, you can call me on it.”


Communicating about Communicating about RelationshipsRelationships

• Content and Relational Messages• Content Messages

• The subject being discussed

• Relational Messages• How the parties feel toward one another

• Types of Relational Messages• Affinity• Immediacy• Respect• Control


Communicating about Communicating about RelationshipsRelationships

• Metacommunication• Messages that people exchange, verbally or

nonverbally, about their relationship• Communication about communication• Can be used as a way to reinforce the

satisfying aspects of a relationship• “I really appreciate it when you complement me

about my work in front of the boss.”


Chapter ReviewChapter Review

• Why We Form Relationships

• Relational Development and Maintenance

• Communicating about Relationships

Documents

Looking Out/Looking In Thirteenth Edition 8 COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS CHAPTER TOPICS Why We Form Relationships Relational Development and Maintenance