Basic Listening SkillsBasic Listening Skills

S.A. TrainingS.A. Trainingbyby

University Counseling ServicesUniversity Counseling ServicesTruman State UniversityTruman State University

Focus on ListeningFocus on Listening Listen to yourself!Listen to yourself!

Before you can be an effective listener you have to Before you can be an effective listener you have to ensure you are ready to listen.ensure you are ready to listen.

Assess your mental, physical and emotional states.Assess your mental, physical and emotional states.

Remember you are there to listen! Remember you are there to listen! Many times people in crisis need to talk through their Many times people in crisis need to talk through their

problems, not get advice on how to solve their problems, not get advice on how to solve their problems.problems.

If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just” If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just” listen or give advice ASK them!listen or give advice ASK them!

Focus on Focus on Their ConcernsTheir Concerns

Focus on the person’s train of thought.Focus on the person’s train of thought. Avoid thinking about your response or other non-Avoid thinking about your response or other non-

related things until the person is finished speaking.related things until the person is finished speaking.

Remove distractions.Remove distractions. If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in

the room) remove the distraction if possible so you the room) remove the distraction if possible so you can focus.can focus.

If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time when you can focus on their concerns.when you can focus on their concerns.

Silence & Body LanguageSilence & Body Language

Silence isn’t bad!Silence isn’t bad! Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation. Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation.

These gaps can be important for the individual to These gaps can be important for the individual to gather their thoughts or express themselves gather their thoughts or express themselves emotionally.emotionally.

Listen with your eyes!Listen with your eyes! People communicate information through behaviors in People communicate information through behaviors in

addition to what they say.addition to what they say. Pay attention to body language to help understand Pay attention to body language to help understand

their feelings.their feelings.

EmpathyEmpathy

Refrain from being judgmental.Refrain from being judgmental. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person, Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person,

just that you have identified and understand how they just that you have identified and understand how they are feeling.are feeling.

Uncomfortable conversations.Uncomfortable conversations. If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from

interfering with your ability to listen, let the person interfering with your ability to listen, let the person know the topic is too sensitive for you.know the topic is too sensitive for you.

Find someone else that can listen.Find someone else that can listen.

Convey You Are ListeningConvey You Are Listening Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.

Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and “I see” to communicate you are paying attention.“I see” to communicate you are paying attention.

Paraphrase what the person has said to you and Paraphrase what the person has said to you and ask questions to fill in gaps.ask questions to fill in gaps. This will not only help you understand, but help the This will not only help you understand, but help the

person think through their concerns and express their person think through their concerns and express their emotions more effectively.emotions more effectively.

Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as well as their feelings.well as their feelings.

Problems with CommunicationProblems with Communication Identify problems you have understanding the Identify problems you have understanding the

person.person.

If something is preventing you from If something is preventing you from understanding their concerns, don’t be afraid to understanding their concerns, don’t be afraid to bring it out in the open.bring it out in the open. Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell

me more”me more”

If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge the difficulty to get past the impasse. the difficulty to get past the impasse.

Personal BoundariesPersonal Boundaries Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA.Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA.

Be aware of your own need for boundaries.Be aware of your own need for boundaries. Pay attention to situations when you lose energy, feel Pay attention to situations when you lose energy, feel

a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry.a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry.

These signals are ways your mind and body tell These signals are ways your mind and body tell you your personal boundaries have been you your personal boundaries have been crossed.crossed.

Boundary Bill of RightsBoundary Bill of RightsYou have the Right :You have the Right :

1.1. to be treated with respectto be treated with respect2.2. to say NO without feeling guiltyto say NO without feeling guilty3.3. to make a mistaketo make a mistake4.4. to ask for what you want and needto ask for what you want and need5.5. to express your feelings and opinionsto express your feelings and opinions6.6. to change your mindto change your mind7.7. to feel good about yourself no matter what to feel good about yourself no matter what

others sayothers say8.8. to act in your own best interest as long as you to act in your own best interest as long as you

do not violate others in the process do not violate others in the process

Boundary Bill of RightsBoundary Bill of RightsYou have the Right :You have the Right :

1.1. to be treated with respectto be treated with respect2.2. to say NO without feeling guiltyto say NO without feeling guilty3.3. to make a mistaketo make a mistake4.4. to ask for what you want and needto ask for what you want and need5.5. to express your feelings and opinionsto express your feelings and opinions6.6. to change your mindto change your mind7.7. to feel good about yourself no matter what to feel good about yourself no matter what

others sayothers say8.8. to act in your own best interest as long as you to act in your own best interest as long as you

do not violate others in the process do not violate others in the process