Building Digital Communication Skills

About Alex Wills

I have worked for years trying to better understand people and their lives. I have volunteered in both Americorps and Peace Corps and have worked in a number of non-profit organizations and school systems.

I have a bachelor’s degree in journalism and a masters degree in sociology. For the past several years I have worked as an ethnographer, which means I have traveled the U.S. and the world to spend time with people and learn about their lives so that companies can learn more about the people who buy their products. I have been lucky enough to make a living learning about the world around me.

Thank you for having me.

What we will learn today

• How real-life transitions into digital spaces• Creating a positive digital footprint• Strategies and techniques for improving digital

communication, digital safety and digital responsibility

Some topics

• Girl Drama Online• Cyber Bullying• Online Predators• Helping/Supporting Friends Online• Your Online Reputation• Creating a Strong and Positive Social Network

What it’s really about

Our Commitment during this process

• Confidentiality– Pledge “I, _____, so solemnly swear that I will

keep confidential what we talk about in this workshop.”

• General “we”• Support is available

Some stats and information• 71% American teenagers own mobile phone (Pew Internet &

American Life Project)

• 58% teens have a social network site profile (Lenhart et al., 2008)

• 10-40% of youth report experiencing cyber bullying, and 10% admit to bullying at one time or another (Cyberbullying Research Center)

• 81% of parents and 79% teens agree children not as careful as they should be posting things on line; AND,

• 62% of parents with teens and 62% of online teens agree children do things online they wouldn’t want their parents to know about (Pew Internet and American Life Project)

Understanding the text generation

Activity• We are going to ask our daughters to help us

understand why their age group loves texting so much.

• Top 3 reasons we love to text.• Top 3 things we wish our parents would

understand about why we love to text.

Digital Footprint

Digital footprint as a cornerstone

Digital footprint = Online Reputation

• Content posted by you, about you• Can be posted by you or someone else• Includes pictures, posts, videos, documents

and more• Largely permanent

Consider this:

• Largely indifference or negligence, not malice

• Consequences, what consequences?

• The adolescent brain (Nurture Shock)

Consider this:

Creating a positive digital footprint:

Creating a positive digital footprint:

Periodically “review” yourself• Have you “Googled”/“Binged” yourself lately?• What do you see? What’s the “message”?– Don’t think about just the literal words, but think

about the overall meaning they convey– Analogy: Think about going to a store and seeing a

display of merchandise – what words, images and arrangements do you see?

Creating a positive digital footprint:

Periodically “review” yourself• Pretend you are someone else looking at your

comments, posts, photos, etc. What do they say about you?– Examples: Mean, two-faced, innocent, bashful,

sporty, musical, excited, loves to travel, etc?– Your message can be positive and negative at the

same time– Don’t rely on keyboard courage

Creating a positive digital footprint:

• A lot of experts recommend computer use occur in shared spaces at home

• A lot of experts recommend parents, with their kids, periodically review themselves online/on their phones

Creating a positive digital footprint:

Think before you click• Cognitive control: “But it isn’t just about managing

information; it’s also part of the process of squelching frustration and anger, and stifling an inappropriate or impulsive response.” (Nurture Shock, page 171)

• Don’t be an impulse junky!

Creating a positive digital footprint:

Think before you click• Anyone can copy and paste• Anyone can forward• Anyone can ‘quote’ you, correctly or

incorrectly

Creating a positive digital footprint:

• Do you suffer from FOMO?

Activity: One-minute brainstorm• What can you do before you click/press send?

Privacy

• Good use of privacy settings worth their weight in gold

• What social networks and digital programs are you using?

Activity • Let’s check out privacy settings using a popular social

networking site – Facebook!

Visit this video for more information (http://www.wiredsafety.org/fbprivacy/)

Communication

Communication

• Validate feelings• I statements – avoid the b-word• Critical feedback• Brainstorm solutions• Negotiate, compromise, agree

Bottoms up!

make informed conclusions

look for patterns

walk a mile in someone else’s flip flops

eyes and ears open

It’s not about proving what we think we know

Understanding the whole story

• Did you know a group of Roman Mathematicians developed an equation to describe how gossip travels on the internet?

• In a test it only took 17 hours to spread a rumor across the globe using digital communication.

Understanding the whole story

Activity – Can you guess what’s going on?• 2 volunteers have a conversation about a friend• Another volunteer overhears the conversation• She shares that information with a volunteer

outside the room • The volunteer outside the room then comes

back in and tells us what the conversation was about.

Digital drama

• “Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computer, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” (Cyberbullying Research Center)

Activity• What is harm?

What is Harm?

• Your best friend told Bryan you LOVED him after you told her it was a secret

• You didn’t get invited to the birthday party of the most popular girl in school

• Your friend forgot to wish you a happy birthday

• You see a boy get thrown into a locker at school and don’t do anything

What is Harm?

• Your friend forgot to tag you in a photo of the party

• You didn’t ask your friend how you should respond to a text from her boyfriend

• During an IM your friend says “You are so stupid”

• You have a chat scheduled with a friend but then have to do your chores and then she gets mad

The Unhealthy Friend

Makes you feel bad about yourself

Always makes decisions for you when you’re together

Threatens not to be your friend when you don’t do what she wants

Embarrasses you in public

Gets jealous when you spend time with others

Tells your secrets to others

Doesn’t listen to your ideas

Gives you the silent treatment

Fights a lot without trying to solve problems

Tries to control what you do, say or wear

Source: Understanding Girl Bullying and What to Do About It

Bullying: What do we do?

• http://socialtimes.com/bullied-teen-quietly-takes-a-stand-on-youtube_b43727

Activity: Think, Pair, Share• How would you support her if you knew her?• How would you support her if she was your

daughter?

What can we do about it?

• To intervene or not to intervene, that is the question?

• No one size fits all

What can we do about it?

Activity• Popcorn: handling drama – pair up • Each group reads a scenario of a digital drama

and comes up with a strategy to deal with it• Parents listen, then offer their solutions after

each group presents• What are the policies around bullying at your

school?

Just some things to think about

• We model behavior every single day• Life is full of teachable moments• Everyday we teach life skills• One day they will leave nest• It’s messy, hard and full of gray areas• We are in this together

Some books• Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman (Hachette

Book Group, 2009)• How to Talk so Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (HarperCollins, 2005)• Girl Bullying and What to Do About It by Julaine E. Field, Jered

B. Kolbert, Laura M. Crothers and Tammy L. Hughes (Corwin, 2009)