Week 7 Class 2Ewrt 211 February 23

Agenda

Common Writing Errors: 10. Incorrect spacing 11. Missing Words.

You should have one copy of your draft.

In-class writing: Eliminating passive voice; draft writing

Review; MLA review; Open to all past topics--bring your questions.

Discussion: Peer Review Preparation; Rhetorical Strategies

Common Writing Errors:

Incorrect spacing

This error can be corrected by careful reading. Turn on your grammar checker.

e.g. Several qualities will mark the successful candidate:confidence, trustworthiness, competence-- and desire.

Missing Words.

This error too can be corrected by careful reading, especially reading aloud.

e.g. Her efforts to prepare were as much and more than sufficient.

Eliminating Passive Voice

A passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action into the subject of a sentence. That is, whoever or whatever is performing the action is not the grammatical subject of the sentence. Take a look at this passive rephrasing of a familiar joke:

Why was the road crossed by the chicken?

Who is doing the action in this sentence? The chicken is the one doing the action in this sentence, but the chicken is not in the spot where you would expect the grammatical subject to be. Instead, the road is the grammatical subject. The more familiar phrasing (why did the chicken cross the road?) puts the actor in the subject position, the position of doing something—the chicken (the actor/doer) crosses the road (the object). We use active verbs to represent that "doing," whether it be crossing roads, proposing ideas, making arguments, or invading houses (more on that shortly).

Once you know what to look for, passive constructions are easy to spot. Look for a form of "to be" (is, are, am , was, were, has been, have been, had been, will be, will have been, being) followed by a past participle. (The past participle is a form of the verb that typically, but not always, ends in "-ed." Some exceptions to the "-ed" rule are words like "paid" (not "payed") and "driven." (not "drived"). Here's a sure-fire formula for identifying the passive voice:

form of "to be" + past participle = passive voice

For example:

The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon's fiery breath.

When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

Let's briefly look at how to change passive constructions into active ones. You can usually just switch the word order, making the actor and subject one by putting the actor up front:

The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon's fiery breath.

becomes

The dragon scorched the metropolis with his fiery breath.

When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

becomes

After suitors invaded her house, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

Practice It was located in the typical, newly built high school

that favored its athletic department due to all the banners that were hung up on the walls.

There were eight blue tables, which were always dirty, lined up in the patio.

The air was filled with the competitive spirit as our rival school had come to our town to play basketball.

The San Marino High School Gym was filled with incessant cheering, and the bleachers were filled from side to side.

There were posters and banners across every wall, and they made the gym look like an art gallery made of paper.

The newly built high school, which housed the event, favored its athletic department; colorful banners decorated virtually every wall of the gym.

Eight perpetually-dirty, blue tables lined the patio.

The sounds of competitive spirit floated in the air as our rival school had come to our town to play basketball.

Incessant cheering filled the San Marino High School Gym; students crowded into the bleachers.

Posters and banners hung from every wall, making the gym look like an art gallery made of paper.

4. I was so happy to be part of my aunt Sara’s wedding even though the dress was ugly.  5. The cruise ship was gorgeous, huge, and luxurious. It had everything to keep us entertained.  6. Although this office was quite small, it was full of people working in it. It was just a branch office of the head quarter’s office. The atmosphere in this office was lively.  .

4. I was so happy to be part of my aunt Sara’s wedding even though the dress was ugly. The thought of participating in my Aunt Sara’s wedding thrilled me even though I had to wear the ugly dress. 5. The cruise ship was gorgeous, huge, and luxurious. It had everything to keep us entertained. The cruise ship, gorgeous, huge, and luxurious, had everything to keep us entertained. 6. Although this office was quite small, it was full of people working in it. It was just a branch office of the head quarter’s office. The atmosphere in this office was lively.  This small branch office boasted a lively atmosphere full of enthusiastic working people.

Get out a copy of your draft

Eliminate passive voice in your essay by finding and changing “to be” verbs into more active verbs.

Review MLA

Last name and page number in header, on right side, .5 inches from the top.

Heading double-spaced and correct

Title is original, centered, not bolded or underlined.

Margins are 1” all around

Quotations, summaries, and paraphrases are cited correctly.

A Works Cited page contains a complete list of sources used in the preparation of the essay.

Homework Revise your draft. Prepare three copies for the

revision process:

Highlight sections in the following colors: Thesis (yellow); Concept Definitions (green); Classification (blue); Comparison and Contrast, Process Narration, Cause

and Effect (pink); Quotations and in-text citations(gray)

Prepare for Peer Review "If You Are the Writer" p179