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Speaking Your Mind without Being Hurtful-Speak

your mind even if your voice shakes.

By Mahboob ali khan ,MHA,CPHQ,HQM Harvard.

“If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” ~Buddha

Many of us allow other people’s opinions to dictate what we believe, value, or perceive. It’s not

always easy to stand up for our beliefs and opinions when others, particularly those we care

about, constantly bombard us with their views.

You might be thinking, “No, not me! This never happens to me. I’m strong in voicing my

beliefs.”

At one point or another, we all conform our opinions, either to avoid confrontation or

judgment or because we’re losing faith in what we feel is right.

Ask yourself, “Do I often justify what I believe after engaging in conversations with others? Am

I continuously second guessing myself?” If so, you may be losing yourself.

1. People aren’t mind readers

If you don’t say what is on your mind, how is anyone else to know what you’re thinking? It may

seem obvious to you where you stand on a particular subject but that isn’t always the case.

People can interpret things very differently, so those around you may be reading you all wrong.

This is primarily true in close relationships. It’s easy to think that your partner or family should

be able to read you like a book. We believe that they should know by our mannerisms what

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we’re thinking or how we’re feeling. However, all too often they’re not quite as astute as we give

them credit for.

They can’t read your mind any more than you can read theirs. So, why make them try to figure

out what your thoughts are (at the risk of being wrong) when you can just tell them and lay all

your cards on the table, leaving no room for misinterpretation? You’ll likely save yourself a lot

of grief and frustration in the long run.

2. It may relieve some stress

When you have words that are left unsaid, it can create a great deal of anxiety for you. You go

over them and over them time and time again, reliving the situation continuously and playing out

different outcomes in your mind.

And, each time you think about it, you get more stressed because you wish you would have

handled things differently. You turn it into this monstrous situation that eats at you from the

inside out, all because you didn’t say what you should’ve said while you had the opportunity.

3. You won’t get taken advantage of

There are people in this world who will try to take advantage of you simply because they’re

banking on the fact that you’re too nice to tell them no. They will ask you to overextend yourself

with no clear conscious as to what consequences you may face if you say yes.

Or, they’re willing to play their odds that you won’t say a word against them if they do you

wrong; and, unfortunately, most of the time they’re going to be right. No one likes to admit when

they’ve been duped or taken advantage of.

You feel like an idiot for letting someone else get the upper hand so the last thing you want to do

is declare your ignorance to the rest of the world. So, instead, you don’t say a word about what

happened and continue about your business.

Neither of these scenarios helps you and they don’t help anyone else either. If someone isn’t

exposed for the scams that they create, they can’t easily be stopped. And, if you say yes when

you should have said no, the only one that suffers is you.

4. Others will respect you

People may not always like what you have to say, but don’t you just have to respect someone

that tells you like it is – even if it’s something you don’t want to hear? At least you always know

where you stand with them and don’t have to worry that they’re saying one thing and thinking

another.

Of course, this requires saying what is on your mind in a respectful and tactful manner.

You can (and should) share your thoughts, feelings and concerns in a way that isn’t demeaning

or degrading to others. When you’re known for your honesty even when it’s difficult to provide

it, others will likely appreciate your willingness to do what is right versus doing what is easy.

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5. You may inspire others to do the same

If you are willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, it may inspire those around you

to do the same. They will see you as an icon or a mentor and try to follow your footsteps by

being more vocal when the situation calls for it.

How many times have you seen someone say something and thought, “Wow. I wish I could have

said that. That was great!”? Well, if you become the person who speaks up when you need to,

then certainly there are others who will think that very same thing when they look at you. In

essence, you could help them create the change that they want for themselves in this area.

6. It will eliminate those “I wish I would have said…” moments

It can feel really bad when you look back on something in your past and think, “I wish I would

have said (insert words here).” You replay the event or situation over and over and kick yourself

for keeping your mouth shut when you had every right (if not an outright obligation) to say

exactly what was on your mind in that very moment.

Like in John Mayer’s song titled Say What You Need To Say, “You better know that in the end,

it’s better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again. Even if your hands are

shaking and your faith is broken; even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open. Say

what you need to say.”

Don’t put yourself in this position and create a scenario in which you regret down the road. No

matter how difficult it may be, it’s worth it to say whatever is on your mind. You owe it to

yourself and others around you.

7. Because it’s the right thing to do

It may not be easy to share what you think, but it is always right. Again, as long as you do it in a

way that is respectful and courteous, you can speak what is on your mind. No one has to agree

with you or like it, but your opinion is your opinion – good, bad or indifferent.

You’re not doing any favors by sitting quietly and watching the world engage around you. Be

willing to stick up for the things that you believe in. Be open enough to share your thoughts and

encourage others to do the same. That’s the great thing about this society we live in; none of us

are the same. So let others learn from you and you can learn from them.

Now, don’t take this as a license to run around blurting whatever comes to mind regardless of

who it will offend. That’s not what this is about. It’s about saying things with integrity and

character. It’s about being willing to disagree and possibly even changing the world by not being

conforming.

Make it a point to be true to yourself and others by engaging yourself in life verbally. You will

feel less confined and more open to those around you. Who knows? Maybe you’ll say something

so profound that it will be your quotes we see all over social media?