Time to be confidentJuly 2015

Mal Harrison

Introductions – Take Us Into Your Confidence...

Think of a situation when you’ve found it hard to feel confident.

1.What made it so difficult to be positive and sure of yourself?

2.If you could change one thing about your confidence levels, what would it be?

What is self confidence?

What does self-confidence mean to you?

Think of someone you admire who you think oozes self-confidence.

Maybe it’s someone you know or someone famous?

What do they do that demonstrates the skills and qualities of a confident person?

What are the signs of self-confidence?

Thoughts? Feelings? Behaviour

You are crossing a road junction when a car turns in front of you without signalling. It may give you a shock.

What do you say to yourself?

Self-talk 1 “He shouldn’t be allowed on the road. No consideration for other road users. Just a stupid, selfish idiot.” This self-talk can cause you to become aggressive and self-righteous. You might feel like throwing a brick at him! Self-talk 2 “That gave me a fright. It was a dangerous thing to do. He could have indicated to give me a warning. I feel quite shaken up. Still, we all make mistakes. I’ve sometimes forgotten to indicate myself before, when my mind has been on something else..” Telling yourself this will result in much calmer thought process

Rational Thinking• Irrational thinking:

“I hate people making mistakes. Drivers shouldn’t forget to indicate.”

• Rationalising:“That was close but it didn’t bother me at all. I feel fine.”

• Thinking rationally: “Although I feel quite shaken up and I’d prefer drivers to be more careful, I accept that people make mistakes.”\

Counter irrational thinking with rational challenge

• Being ignored in the street

• A friend does something that annoys you

Reactions to experiences (Think, feel, do)

• Situation• Thoughts and images• Body / Physical sensations• Moods /Emotions• Behaviours (do or didn’t do)

Positive Self-Talk and Thinking Rationally So it is not what happens that causes us to lack confidence and feel non-assertive, or angry, sad, hurt, worried etc. It’s what we say to ourselves about what happens, e.g.: 

Thoughts create feelings

Feelings create

behaviour

Behaviour reenforces thoughts

THINK, FEEL, DO

These three actions and emotions are linked in a continuous cycle

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” 

This brilliant quote from the great Henry Ford sums it up

To increasing your confidence – change your thought pocess

Overcoming Barriers

When a situation makes you feel ineffective, there are three ways to deal with it:

• Change the situation

• Change the way you view the situation• Do nothing (and go on worrying about it)

Is it true? Can we change the way we look at things?

What could I have done differently?What would someone else have done in that situationHave there been times in the past when I would have done something else?If I had paused, taken a breath, what would I have done?

How would the situation have been different?How would it affect what I felt?How would it affect what I thought?Would it have been more helpful?What would the consequences have been?

Making changes

You can’t change other people or circumstances, but you can choose your response. acting confident makes you confident.

Yes we’d make mistakes, but we’d also have many more chances of success.  

‘Choose your attitude’

How we Communicate

• powerful messages• mostly unconscious• used by all of us every day• mainly face, posture, movement,

hands, arms and appearance

Coping with Anxiety

build confidence with careful preparation

practise voice exercises relaxation techniques familiarise with practicals visit the toilet first comfortable posture smile at someone warm up imagine they’re naked!

try to force yourself to relax take drugs, tranquillisers or

alcohol fiddle, twiddle, twist or jangle

anything be afraid of silence speak ’til you’re ready

Make your nerves work for you,

not against youRemember:– nervousness doesn’t look as bad as it feels– there is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to fixing the problem of

nerves; be open minded and keep trying new techniques until you find what works best for you

Think: Flight or Fight

versus

Discussion & Negotiation

Positive Thinking

• dare to be happy • be true to your values • accept others’ styles• accept mistakes• be ‘present moment’• learn new skills• cultivate ‘beginners mind’ • put yourself in others’ shoes

• keep your cool

• believe there’s a solution

• avoid psychic vampires

• make time for you

• pat yourself on the back

• maintain perspective

• reframe experiences in a positive manner

What Next?

What are you going to:

start doing?

stop doing?

continue doing?

Before you go…

evaluation

forms please!