THEME: Love, Sex and Marriage - Summit Church...SLIDE A Love that Lasts a Lifetime Tami and I have been married for 21 years and I love to listen to couples like this because I hope

THEME: Love, Sex and Marriage “A Love That Lasts a Lifetime”

Sermon preached by Jeff Huber – based on a sermon series by Adam Hamilton

February 9-10, 2013 at First United Methodist Church - Durango

Colossians 3:12-15

12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

VIDEO Sermon Starter – A Love That Lasts a Lifetime

SLIDE A Love That Lasts a Lifetime

Today we come to our last sermon in a series we been doing on love, sex and marriage. I want to invite you to take out of your bulletin your Message Notes and your Meditation Moments. There is a place for you to take notes and there are pens and pencils in the pew pockets in front of you and I hope you will take some time to write anything down that you want to remember from today's message. If you are watching at home or online I invite you to take out a piece of paper and something to write with and then you can download this resource off our website later. You also will find daily Scripture readings and questions to think about throughout the week, as well as a great family activity to do at some point during the week together.

A husband who had been married for 40 years took a careful look at his wife and said, "You know, 40 years ago we were living in a cheap house. We had a junk car. Slept on the sofa bed, and watched a 10 inch black-and-white TV. But at least I got to go to bed every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now I have a $500,000 home, a $35,000 car, a nice big bed and a large flat-screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you got the better end of the deal."

Jeff Huber’s Sermon –February 9-10, 2013 Page 2

His wife was a very reasonable woman and responded, "Why don't you go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl, and I will make sure that you are once again living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10 inch black-and-white TV."

Today we are going to talk about how to avoid that and make our love last a lifetime. We will learn from some folks who have been married more than 50 years and they will share with us what it takes to be married for a lifetime. We also will look at some of the challenging spots in almost every marriage, places where marital satisfaction goes down and discord goes up. We are going to try to figure out some of the things that somebody should have taught us before we got married so that we are ready for those times. Finally, we are going to turn to the Scripture passage today to try and understand what Paul's words have to say to us that might help us in living out this relationship of love for lifetime.

Let's begin by hearing from these three couples who have been married for more than 50 years. They're going to tell you how they met and then they will share with you some hints about what it has taken for them to make their love last a lifetime.

VIDEO Interview with Couples 1

SLIDE A Love that Lasts a Lifetime

Tami and I have been married for 21 years and I love to listen to couples like this because I hope we are like that 30 years from now. I hope we have a love like that. When I meet a couple that has been married for 50 years or more I always ask them a question like this, "What does it take to stay married as long?"

Almost always, the first answer I hear is, "perseverance—commitment." Then they go on to say, "You know, it hasn't always been easy. We had times that were tough and we thought about giving up at certain moments, but we hung in there and we stayed together and how glad we are that we now have each other."

The reason it takes perseverance and commitment is because marriage is hard. We fall in love and it is exciting. We get married and for some reason we think it is going to be easy, but you don't make marriage work for a lifetime without perseverance and commitment and a lot of hard work. We had almost 400 of you do a survey online before Christmas and we asked this question of the married couples.


SLIDE How happy are you in your marriage right now?

The highest you could answer was, "happy and fulfilled," then it was, "mostly happy," and then it was, "neutral." Going down the other side you could answer, "not so happy," and, "unhappy."

We found in the survey that over time our marital happiness declines and then goes back up. Let's look at the chart on the video screen.

GRAPH Marital Happiness chart.

Along the bottom we begin on the left we begin with the length of marriage starting at less than two years. Then we have 2-5 years, 6-10 years, 11-20 years, 21-30, 31-40, 41-50 and married more than 50 years at the end of the right. You will notice that there is a downward trend as we move from year 2 to 20 we see marital happiness plunging. Notice that at year 20 we see a rise in marital happiness that continues until we have those who have the highest level of marital satisfaction are those who are married more than 50 years. Their level of satisfaction is even higher than those married for just two years.

We see this trend or pattern happen in every survey across the country on marriage and happiness. Something happened between year two and year 20 in marriage until finally things begin to turn around. Unfortunately, we get to the middle of this time period and we are discouraged with our relationship and we start looking around thinking, "Maybe there is somebody else out there who could make me feel the way I felt in year one of this marriage."

Nobody took the time to tell us upfront that it is natural and normal to struggle during this period of marriage and that we should hang in there because you will come out the other side and be stronger. Many marriages fail during this period of time which is what we found when we asked those who were divorced in the survey, “When you divorced in your first marriage?"

GRAPH When people got divorced chart.

I want you notice that the largest number of divorces are between years two and 10. What happens between years two and 10 which causes people to experience less marital satisfaction and more conflict and finally see their marriages come apart? I would suggest to you three things.

SLIDE We stop doing the things that we did when we first fell in love.


Maybe you remember that old Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand song, "You don't bring me flowers, you don't see me love songs, anymore." All of the things that led us to feel in love with each other we stopped doing and we find that the relationship grows cold. That is easily rectified by going back and doing the things we did at first.

This actually happens in all of our relationships, not just in our relationship with our mates but also in our relationship with God. We find in the book of Revelation that Jesus says through the writer of revelation to one of the churches:

SLIDE “You have lost your first love. Go back and do the things you did at first."

When we do this we find our love restored and this happens not just in our relationship with God but in our relationships with each other. That's one small part of what can happen during that first 10 year period of marriage. But there is a second major issue happening for most of us during those years of marriage.

SLIDE What's happening in our careers?

Today most people are getting married in their mid-to-late 20s and so by your mid-to-late 30s your career can be really hopping. You might be working late to get that promotion or just to make ends meet. You might even get a second job to support your family. I can tell you that when I was in my 30s I was just beginning a career as a full-time youth pastor. I would be at meetings four or five times a week and away on many weekends with youth mission trips and retreats. I hadn't figured out a good balance between work and life and I never took a regular day off. I was a workaholic in many ways and I was proud of the fact that I put in 60 or 70 or 80 hours some weeks.

The worst part was I had a terrible habit of never telling my wife my schedule and so she never knew when I was coming home for dinner and when I wasn't. We still have communication issues but they aren’t near as bad as they were in those years. I knew that things weren’t going well when I came home late one night from something that was so important at the church and all the lights in the house were off. I stumbled up to our bedroom door in the darkness and the door was locked. I think my pillow was even out in front of the door. It was a very clear sign from my wife that I was overdrawn in the love bank and the love tank the meter was below empty. I was going 1,000,000 miles an hour and not thinking about anybody else around me, especially my wife, and it was taking a toll on my


relationship. I think that happens for many people in their 30s, especially those of us who think we need to earn our way of life and aren’t sure we are really love unless we are working really hard.

The main thing that seems to cause marital discord and difficulty during that first decade of marriage is actually something else. We've talked about it several weeks in this series. What is it?

SLIDE Children

When we start having children we find that our lives are suddenly consumed by this little person or maybe two or three or even four of them. It's awesome in terms of having a chance to be a parent and is deadly when it comes to your relationship if you are not intentional about putting your married life as a priority. Nobody told me that before we had kids and I wish they had.

My wife and I adopted our kids at the same time seven years ago. We went from just the two of us and our dogs to four of us. We doubled our schedules and doubled the amount of time needed for relationships. While becoming parents was one of the best things to ever happen to us, it also is a lot of hard work. It becomes even more challenging when you recognize that parenting adopted children is different than parenting biological children in many ways. There are different issues and different tactics that need to be used. Just to give you one example, when we first adopted our kids we took a Love and Logic parenting class at the elementary school. It all sounded great and we couldn't figure out why none of those things were working with our kids. Our kids are not bad kids but they need a different kind of parenting we discovered and it takes a whole different level of energy to learn those parenting skills.

What I discovered is that parenting in today's world is different for all of us because we are all dealing with different issues then we dealt with as kids growing up. As many of you know we have been dealing with a former staff person who was sending inappropriate text messages to young persons that he had met while he was a counselor at a summer camp. While I am saddened that this situation happened, I also recognize that it is a good teaching moment for us as parents and so we gathered all of the youth and their families here in the sanctuary during a youth group session 2 weeks ago.

I looked at each of our youth and I have to be honest with them that I have no idea what they are going through in terms of navigating today's world with a


smart phone which gives you access to the Internet and the ability to text and send instant messages through twitter and Facebook. When I was a kid I didn't have to deal with any of that. There was alcohol and drug use and pimples and girls, but today's young people have a whole different level and world to navigate. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 30 and it was as big as my head! I only had four television stations to choose from for goodness sake!

When I was a kid my parents would discipline me by spanking me with a ping-pong paddle or washing my mouth out with soap. In today's world we are asked not to do those things and I think that is appropriate, but what it means is that we need very different parenting skills that none of us were taught. And we certainly haven't been taught how to work with our spouse in developing those new parenting skills.

I am going to be brutally honest with you and tell you that the last seven years have been filled with amazing joy and a tremendous amount of work and stress and there have been days when Tami and I have looked at each other and had nothing left in our love tanks. We love our kids deeply but it is a lot of work and there are days when it is all you can do to hold it together. I have discovered that it is in those moments where my wife and I have to put our marriage first, and when we do that navigating the waters of life and parenting become much easier because you recognize you are doing it with a partner.

What I have discovered and seen as a pastor is this very important truth. I say this with love in my heart for your children because I see many of them as my own. We cannot allow our families to be centered on our children and their activities. It is not good for the family and it is not good for our marriages. Children were never meant to be the focus of a family. The reality is that they are not strong enough and it is up to the adults to provide the anchor. Our job as parents is not to be our kids’ friends or tour guides through life. Our job is to parent and to provide a safe place for them to grow and flourish and the best way that happens is when mom and dad are working it together and they're working hard on their marriage.

I recognize that we have many single parents in our church and if you find yourself in that place then you need to prioritize relationships with other adults and with God so you don't get consumed by your children. Just so you know I am not making this up, I would let you know that in our survey only 36% of those with children in the home said they were very happy in their marriage. Of those who


had no children in their home, 54% said they were very happy. That might convince you not to have children, but I don't want to scare you into not having kids. Having kids is one of the best things in my life and it has been awesome.

The University of Virginia did a study recently that found that couples with children in their home were less happy but they had a greater sense of meaning and purpose in their lives.

The reality is that when we are married we need to remember the mission of marriage. Nobody ever told me about the mission of marriage before I got married because in my family there were many divorces and no one really gave me any advice except for my grandfather whose advice amounted to, "Just remember Jeff that men think logically and women think emotionally. Let them always think they are right and getting their way and you will be just fine."

SLIDE Love is a choice

I love my grandfather and the legacy left me and there is probably some truth in that statement, but it certainly is not the mission of marriage. We learned in the first week in this series that the mission of marriage is about being a helper and a companion. It is about blessing and building up and ministering to one another. It is about encouraging the other person.

I also have learned that in marriage you sometimes have to do love until you feel it. I always thought that you would do loving things for people because you feel like doing that inside of you. But in reality, and what the Christian faith teaches, it that it is just the opposite which is true. Love is a choice and not just a feeling. When you choose to do loving and kind things for another person then you will find that the feelings will come back and they will follow. That is the covenant that you make with another person when you commit to love them for a lifetime. Part of the lesson is to hold on and persevere, even when you don't feel like loving.

If you have children in your home, or you have had them and our recently and empty-nester, let me share with you the next dangerous phase in married life and that is when your children leave the home. Very rarely do we talk about what happens in life and in our marriages when our children grow up and leave the nest and suddenly we find ourselves without that extra person to give our energy to. I can't tell you I know what it feels like because I haven't lived through it yet, but I know from being a pastor for more than 20 years that there is an intense


grief which sets it after your children leave the home. I realize that for some of you it might be easier when your children leave the home, especially if they have been difficult as a teenager.

If you have been a stay-at-home parent this can be especially difficult because your identity is about staying home with the children. I realize that many times this is the role of the mother but more and more in today's world it has become the role of the father. There is a natural struggle that goes on when your primary identity has been around being a parent and now you no longer have that role. Who am I now?

The other parent doesn't fully understand and is going through their own grief. I met with a couple once was going through this and the husband kept trying to help "fix" the problem for his wife and even started proceedings to adopt another child without telling his wife! He was very relieved to learn that she didn't want to bring another child into the home, but simply wanted someone to listen to her grief and struggle. Their problems were fixed two years later when their oldest child moved back home, but that's all another sermon!

Those first few years after your children leave the home can be the most devastating. Many couples have shared with me how they have drifted apart during the parenting years and now they hardly even know each other when they are forced to deal with just each other in the home. I have had more than one empty-nester come to me and share their thinking about leaving their marriage because they aren't sure who they are as a couple without children. It is that hard and I want to warn you and prepare you for that period in your marriage if you have children. This is one more great reason to not have your family be focused on the children but instead for you as a couple to be sure and remember who you are and what your identity is all about as husband and wife.

I was visiting recently with a couple who just move through this phase in their life and they told me that the only thing that held them together was going to church and their faith and their perseverance. Through a common commitment to work it out they saw a counselor and they are more happy in their marriage now than they have been in 20 years because they rediscovered each other. They fell in love again literally and figured out how to dance again with just two people instead of having a square dance or a line dance.

GRAPH Marital Happiness Chart


The survey showed this because you can see that marital happiness bottomed out as couples got ready for children to move out of the home and this time period of 21-30 years of marriage. There are a large group of people who are struggling during this period of time and what I want to share with you is that it is going to get better, especially if you will recommit to the covenant you made to one another.

Look what's about to happen in this chart on marital happiness according to the survey. Every year after can get better if you can hang in there and learn to choose love again and again and realize that eventually the feelings will come back. I have a good friend who just moved through this phase in his life and his marriage didn’t make it. He and his wife decided to call it quits because after the children moved out he continued with his habit of golf and doing what he wanted and she continued her habit of going out with girlfriends and they never reconnected. I have come to know and love both of them and my heart was broken when I heard what happened.

I called another good friend of mine who is a pastor this last week and who is the same age as I am but they had their kids younger and their children have just begun moving away from the house. He told me that it has been an up-and-down and stormy few months, especially because his wife is also going through menopause. He told me that she looked at him the other day and said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I have these really strong feelings right now. I hate you right now! It would be really helpful if you would just go in the other room and be quiet and not say anything." What do you do with that? You go in the other room and you be quiet and eventually it will pass and you'll move through this moment and you'll be okay.

This is exactly what we found in the surveys. Eventually, those intense moments pass and you learn to dance together again. You fall in love once more and he can become better and better with each passing year. This can happen if you won't give up and those two key moments we just talked about as you find yourself drifting apart when it comes to your children.

This is something that people don't teach you before you get married and I want to be sure that you’ve heard this today before we finish this sermon series.

GRAPH People in Conflict Chart


There is one more period of time that can be difficult for couples to whether and we see it on this chart as it depicts for us the number of couples who have conflict each week. You see on the chart that it peaks here during the child bearing years and raising the children and then it drops off in the next block at 31-40 years but drops off even farther in the 41-50 years. What is happening around year 40 in most marriages when people reach the age of 60 to 65 years old? Retirement is what happens in this time period where there is a blip in conflict.

You will discover that many couples see a rise in conflict during their retirement years because they have learned to dance together at night or in the evening after work, but now they have to learn to dance together during the daytime as well! That conflict tends to pass relatively quickly, but it does happen for most couples.

There also is an identity crisis that happens during this time as people who have worked their entire lives try to figure out who they are after they retire. This happens mostly for men but it can happen for women as well. "Who am I now that I don't have my career?"

I was talking to a couple who was going through this phase right now in our church and the husband was driving his wife crazy and she finally told them to sign up for a mission trip or some other service project at the church just so he would get out of her hair! He was asking to go to her book club and even wanted to go with her to her hair appointment. She finally drew the line and then she began to help him discover meaningful ways to spend his newfound freedom. He has gotten involved in serving and volunteering and giving to others because now he has the time to do that.

So if you're in one of those time periods then please know that it is normal to struggle in your relationship. The real question is, "How do you get through it?" This is where our Scripture passages for today comes in. It is a passage from Paul's letter to the church at Colossae. I read it at many weddings. We read part of this passage two weeks ago when we talked about the things that those of you who are divorced told us had caused your marriage is to end. The top three were abuse, addiction and adultery. Let's look at this passage again.

SLIDE 12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility,


gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Paul tells us to do three things in the last part of this passage that I want to make sure that we pull out and remember as we close this sermon series.

SLIDE Clothe yourselves in love = “agape”

We learned in the first sermon in this series that the word for love that Paul uses here is agape. Agape is not a feeling but it is a way of being or doing. Agape is when we seek the best for someone and when we were to bless them. It is about encouraging and doing good for someone even when you don't feel like it, and then expecting nothing in return. It is a selfless love.

This is the mission of marriage that we talked about in the first sermon in this series. The mission is to bless, buildup, encourage and help the other be what they couldn’t be without you by their side. We are commissioned do this and marriage and it is not about what I feel or what I get, but about what I can do for the other. When two people remember this mission then it is magic. If only one person does it then we have problems, but something beautiful can happen when both people are working towards this in their marriage.

Remember also that Jesus was asked what the most important thing was in terms of what God wants from us. His response was to, "Love God with all of your heart and love your neighbor as you love yourself." Your neighbor isn't just the person next door or in the next cubicle. Your neighbor is your spouse. When you are in conflict, remember that Jesus said to even love your enemy. Your spouse should never be your enemy, but there is always this call to give yourself to the other person and when you remember that mission you will find one of the most important keys to making love last a lifetime.

SLIDE Be thankful.

Paul tells us at the end of this passage to be thankful. This is a really big idea. What happens after we have been married for a while is that we start taking each other for granted. We just assumed that dinner is going to be on the table.


We just assume that the paycheck is going to be coming and our spouse is going to work for it. We just assume the other person is going to be there for us at certain times and in certain ways. We stop appreciating them and you told us this in the survey.

We asked you what the five biggest frustrations were for you when it came to your partner. Men and women included in their top five, "I feel unappreciated." I feel like she doesn't notice the things I do. I feel like he doesn't see those things that I do for him all the time. This idea of being unappreciated is rectified when we remember the words of the apostle Paul to be thankful.

Let me suggest to you that an attitude of gratitude begins with being thankful to God. It begins by remembering that your partner is a gift from the Lord and you begin today by giving thanks to God for him or her. Sometimes, in the process of giving thanks, you are reminded of the gift that person has been to you in your life.

I have taught you before that my favorite Bible verses Psalm 118:24.

SLIDE This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I try to pray that Psalm every morning when I get up and every day when I go to bed. It makes me stop and give thanks for my kids and for my wife. I pray for you and I commit my life to God and I ask God to use me in some way with that day that he is given me. I pray that God would make me a blessing to others and that I would be glad, even when I have tough stuff I have to deal with that day.

In the evening I often stop and ask God to forgive me because I probably didn't live up to the prayer I gave in the morning! I also try and pause and be quiet because I usually go to bed after my wife. I listen to her breathe and I give thanks for her life. I ask God to help me love and care for her in ways that she can receive.

Even if we had conflict during the day, I can't be in prayer for my wife without feeling grateful for her in some way. Paul encourages us to be thankful and in doing that we remember all the blessings that we have, especially our mate or partner.

Thursday is Valentine's Day and I'm guessing that most of you guys still haven't gone shopping for your cards or even thought about the flowers you're going to get! I have found that if I wait until the last day that I am frantically


searching through leftovers of the Valentine's Day cards with about 100 other guys in the greeting card section. Then you go somewhere to buy gift and you spend twice as much money as you are intending to because you feel guilty for not planning ahead. Often our spouses can tell that we haven't thought much about the gift and so then that thing that we just spent lots of money on doesn't really count as a deposit in the love bank! It doesn't end up having the impact we hope it would have.

Let me suggest to you that this Valentine's Day you might think ahead about a small thing you could do to bless your partner. If we get focused on letting that person know how grateful we are for them in very specific ways that are thoughtful, the new probably won't take a big and expensive gift to have an impact. It's the fact that you took the time to express how much you appreciate the other person. What you told us in the survey is that all of us are wanting more of that and so it can never hurt.

Two of the most important words that you can say every day in any relationship are very simple. You know what those words are?

SLIDE Thank You

That leads us to the last word that Paul says which is,

SLIDE And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.

We have spent six weeks talking about love, sex and marriage and this is the single most important thing that I can share with you. I know of no other more important lesson than this. If you were going to have the capacity to Love the Way, God wants you to love—if you are going to be in a relationship in which you see that love last a lifetime—then it starts with a prior relationship, and that relationship is with God.

When we decide that we want to follow God and follow Jesus Christ and say, "Lord, I trust that you are there. I trust that you love me. Please, help me to be the person that you want me to be." When you decide that you want to walk with God every day and you grow in your love with him, you will find that you grow in your capacity to love your lifelong partner.

You told us this in your survey when we discovered that almost everyone who attends worship regularly or every week said their marriage was very happy


or mostly happy. There is some correlation between worshiping together and fulfillment and happiness in life and in our relationships.

SLIDE 87% of those who attend worship weekly say they are Mostly Happy or Happy and Fulfilled in their marriage.

SLIDE 50% of those who never or rarely attend worship say they are Mostly Happy or Happy and Fulfilled in their marriage.

SLIDE 96% of those who pray together at least daily say they are Mostly Happy or Happy and Fulfilled in their marriage.

SLIDE 88% of those who say they are struggling or very unhappy in their marriage seldom or never pray together.

There is something about this relationship with each other and with God that changes things. Let me share something with you that I share with most couples when I meet with them before they get married.

SLIDE Marriage Diagram 1

When I met my wife almost 25 years ago we were two very different people and we have both changed a lot since then. Over the years we have changed and we are not the same people we were. Our politics are different. Our theology is different. We look different.


But there is one thing that is the same. When we met 25 years ago and today our primary desire is to follow God. We want to walk with God and know God in a deeper and meaningful way each and every day.


The more that Tami walks towards God and the more I walk towards God—the closer we become to one another. The closer we are following God the more in love with each other we become. This is a fundamental and bedrock idea when it comes to marriage.

The University of Virginia released a study last year in which they asked people to rate the happiness of their marriage from 0 to 100, with 100 being the highest. They found that people who rated God at the center of their marriage rated 25 points higher in the marital happiness index than those people who didn't say that.


You might be sitting here today and you might not be sure that you even believe in God. Maybe you came to this sermon series just because you felt like your marriage could use a little kick-start. Let me ask a simple question. Why don't you just try making this a holy habit in your life? Why don't you try worshiping together each week that you were in town or you're not sick? Maybe over time you might say something like, "I think I get the God thing." At some point you may come to know more about Jesus Christ and you decide to follow him. What you will find is that a bond happens which is profound.

I can almost guarantee you 100% that my wife and I would not be married today it wasn't for our faith. We would've drifted apart a long time ago. We may have fallen in love with other people. We would have done things we would have regretted. What kept us from doing that is that we have a common faith which is our primary drive.

That's what you find in these couples who have been married for all these years.

VIDEO Couples Interview 2

SLIDE A Love that Lasts a Lifetime

A longtime member wrote this note about how he and his wife, who is now deceased, stayed married for more than 60 years.

I believe that great marriages are divided into three phases. The honeymoon, when couples are madly in love and most of the attraction is physical. The next phase is the family stage, at this time both husband and wife are so busy with children and careers they don't have the time for each other like they previously had. They somewhat grow apart. But the final phase is the best phase of all. The family is raised and the children are developing their own lives and hopefully our out of the home. Husband and wife rediscover each other and are able to enjoy what they accomplished in their marriage. A short time before my wife passed away she looked at me and said, "Honey, this was the best time of all." When our kids grew up we were able to go back and be the young couple we once were more than 60 years ago.

I remind you of the famous words from Browning's poem, Rabbi Ben Ezra.


Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, The last of life, for which the first was made: Our times are in His hand Who saith, 'A whole I planned, Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!'

That’s my encouragement to you. Trust God. Don't be afraid. The best is yet to be.

I would like to invite you to take hands with those around you. If that is your spouse or your partner then that is great, but whoever happens to be near you. Please feel free to slide over or move to another pew so you can hold someone's hand. We are here together as the body of Christ.

SLIDE Prayer

I would like to invite you to pray something like this, “Thank you God for loving me. I trust in your love…”

If you want to make a commitment today to follow Jesus Christ, or you want to recommit to following Jesus, you might say, “And Jesus Christ, I choose to follow you…”

Then simply ask God, “Please help me to be more loving in my life…”

You might pause now and simply thank God for the gift of your partner, “Lord, thank you for this person you have blessed me with…help me to be a blessing to them…”

Now I invite you to pray for the person on your right and on your left, even if you don’t know their name, “Lord, bless this person…” Then squeeze their hand gently to let them know you prayed for them.

Lord, we are grateful that you gave us the capacity to love one another, and we thank you for the love you have for us. Please help us to be people of love, people with grateful hearts, people who forgive. I pray that you would heal the broken relationships in our congregation. As their shepherd, I pray God that you would restore love to those who have lost it. I pray that you would help them to find perseverance and commitment, that we might discover a love that lasts a lifetime. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.


“A Love that Lasts a Lifetime” Theme: Love, Sex, and Marriage

Colossians 3:12-15 - Things I’d like to remember from today’s sermon:

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Meditation Moments for Monday, February 11 – Read 2 Peter 1:3-8 – John Wesley, Methodism’s founder, wrote of this passage in his Notes on the Bible: “In this most beautiful connection, each preceding grace leads to the following; each following, tempers and perfects the preceding.” Wesley urged Christ-followers to serve God with their heads, their hearts and their hands, so it makes sense that he loved this passage. Peter set forth how every part of our life grows as we open ourselves to let God’s power work in us. • We could see “moral excellence” as shaping our heart, “knowledge” our head, and “self-control” and

“endurance” as lived out by our hands, our actions. Peter said these qualities produce “affection for others” and “love.” How can a life based solidly in these principles equip you to give and receive love and affection in enduring ways?

• Wesley’s notes on these verses also said that “’sour godliness,’ so called, is of the devil.” Do you think of “moral excellence” more as “sour godliness,” or as giving life joy and beauty? What helps you trust that God wants your life to be sweet, not sour?

Tuesday, February 12 – Read Genesis 23:1-19 – Despite many challenges along the way, Abraham and Sarah were a couple who loved for a lifetime. The Hebrew historians described in detail the elaborately courteous Middle Eastern negotiations by which Abraham bought Sarah’s burial site. But the ancient language and customs do not hide Abraham’s love for Sarah, and his deep sense of loss at her passing. • The place where Abraham buried his beloved wife was so important to him and his descendants that

Jews, Muslims and Christians still honor the site today. A building known as Haram el-Khalil stands over the cave. You can see a photo of the cenotaph inside that marks Sarah’s burial spot at http://tinyurl.com/7wa9j8n. The large price Abraham paid for the burial cave was not just a matter of a wealthy man making a big show, but evidence of deep love, as verses 2-3 make plain. How can the honesty with which the Bible tells Abraham and Sarah’s story (warts and all) encourage you to persist in your own story toward the enduring kind of love they shared?

Wednesday, February 13 – Read Ruth 4:1-17 – It seems clear that once Ruth and Boaz found each other their love lasted a lifetime. We see this indirectly by the way their descendants are traced back to both of them. If you can, take time to read all four chapters of this ancient love story. The customs may be unfamiliar to us, but the story’s tale of early attraction and lifelong commitment match any that a modern author could tell. • The legal maneuverings by which Boaz became Ruth’s husband may seem confusing and not very

“romantic.” However, even without understanding all of the customs of his time we can see that Boaz took risks and worked skillfully to gain the right to marry Ruth (see Ruth 3:10). When have you seen a thoughtful decision to marry create the conditions for a lifelong love?

http://tinyurl.com/7wa9j8n


• Deuteronomy 23:3-4 said no Moabite could belong to the Lord’s assembly. Yet David, Israel’s greatest king, descended from a Moabite woman. How did Boaz and Ruth’s marriage give Israel insight into the far-reaching, barrier-breaking love of their God?

Thursday, February 14 – Read Luke 1:5-20, 57-79 – Childless couples today often deal with high levels of disappointment and pain. It may have been worse in Bible times. Lacking today’s medical knowledge of reasons for childlessness, people usually thought of it as God’s curse on a couple. Through all that, Zechariah and Elizabeth held onto their love and loyalty toward God and one another. • Luke left it to our imagination to picture the moments of amazement, tenderness, tears and joy that Zechariah and Elizabeth must have shared after he returned home from the Temple. In what ways

do you see and hear the elderly couple’s sober pride, as well as their sense of responsibility to God, in verses 57-79?

• We’ve read about Abraham and Sarah, Ruth and Boaz and Zechariah and Elizabeth. God worked through the life-long love of all three of these couples, separated by centuries, to sustain and nurture the human family into which Jesus was born. Are there people through whose lifelong love God has worked in a significant way to shape your life?

Friday, February 15 – Read Matthew 7:24-27 – Jesus wrapped up his Sermon on the Mount with this image of two builders. They both built their houses during the dry season, when the wadis of Palestine, like arroyos in the American Southwest, looked safe and harmless. When the storms came, the house built on sand fell. The wise man thought ahead, and built his house on a foundation that would endure. • Some marriages (or other relationships) look fine. Then something (illness, job loss, poor choices)

shakes the foundation and harms the relationship—at times beyond repair. Whether you’re married, courting or single, eventually it will rain in your life. What are you doing daily to grow the character you need to weather life’s storms?

• To build a love that lasts, we must build on a foundation of divine agape love. That’s not always easy. Sometimes, without wanting to, we treat those we love the most in the worst ways. What can you do today to show your mate and/or family members how much you love and care about them? (If you consistently can’t do what you mean to do, get help.)

Saturday, February 16 – Read Romans 12:16-21 – We often think these words from the apostle Paul speak only to our “spiritual life,” our journey with God. They can do that in ways that comfort and empower us. But they also offer us great wisdom for our human love commitments. To love for a lifetime takes hard work, active cooperation with our mate and wise choices. Our relationships can be much stronger when we build them on God’s love—a love from which nothing can separate us!

“In all these things …” (Verse 35 tells these are things like, “trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword.”) “We win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us.” We want our relationships to be so grace-filled that they win a sweeping victory over all life’s challenges! If you’re not in a relationship, ask God to grow you into the kind of person capable of such a relationship. If you are, pray (with your mate) and ask God to fill your lives with God’s unconquerable love.

Family Activity: Make a family ice cream sundae. You will need a large dish, favorite ice cream flavor(s), syrup, nuts, candy, whipped cream and sprinkles. You’ll also need a bowl and spoon for each person. Read Colossians 3:12-14 aloud. Discuss each virtue and give examples. Read the passage aloud again as you make the sundae, following this “recipe:” God’s holy people … dearly loved—one scoop of ice cream per person; Compassion—syrup; Kindness—syrup; Humility—nuts; Gentleness—candy; Patience—whipped cream; Love on all these virtues—colored sprinkles.

As you eat the sundae, ask God to help you fill your life with goodness.

Documents

THEME: Love, Sex and Marriage - Summit Church...SLIDE A Love that Lasts a Lifetime Tami and I have been married for 21 years and I love to listen to couples like this because I hope