The Pulse 12.18 » April 30, 2015

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVEApRIL 30, 2015

arts

latin lovecultural fun

MusIc

video starfull Metal MedIa

stage

lewis blackthe IntervIew

from stand-up to theater to improvisation, the city has a long history of bringing the funny

laugh riot(ing)

comedy inchattanooga

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THE FINE PRINT: The pulse is published weekly by Brewer media and is distributed throughout the city of chattanooga and surrounding communities. The pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. no person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. contents copyright © 2015 by Brewer media. all rights reserved.

Features4 BEGiNNiNGS: Lewis Black is back at the Memorial Auditorium May 2.

9 SUSHi & BiSCUiTS: An old favorite is still a delicious ingredient: buttermilk.

12 ArTS CAlENDAr

16 MUSiC CAlENDAr

18 rEViEWS: Shipp Chamber Ensemble adventures, Inamoud entrances.

19 SpiriTS WiTHiN: Tito’s Vodka is smooth, tasty—and Texan.

20 SCrEEN: “Woman in Gold” paints a very moving portrait.

22 JONESiN’ CrOSSWOrD

22 FrEE Will ASTrOlOGY

23 ON THE BEAT: Officer Alex remembers another violent time in Baltimore—and what it didn’t solve.

EDITORIALManaging Editor gary Poole

Contributing Editor Janis hashe

Music Editor marc T. michael

Film Editor John DeVore

Contributorschristopher armstrong • Rob Brezsny

steven W. Disbrow • matt Jones Whitni mcDonald • mike mcJunkin

Beth miller • ernie PaikRick Pimental-habib • alex Teach

Editorial internsgavin gaither • Kristina Kelly

shaun Webster

Cartoonists & illustratorsRick Baldwin • max cannon

Jen sorenson • Tom Tomorrow

Founded 2003 by Zachary cooper & Michael Kull

ADVERTISINGDirector of Sales mike Baskin

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BREWER MEDIA GROUPpublisher & president Jim Brewer II

april 30, 2015volume 12, Issue 18

6 A Brief History Of ComedyIf you say the word, “comedy” ’round here, chances are the

assumption will be you’re talking about The Comedy Catch. That’s understandable, because, as of this year, the ’Catch has

been putting comics on stage for 30 years.

10 A Little Slice of Latin AmericaPupusas, empanadas, tamales, live music, folk dancing, a soccer

tournament: Next Saturday, May 2, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., a long-awaited dream will come true.

14 Song Stories Back In The SpotlightMusic videos were a thing long before the advent of MTV.

Most of the time it was concert footage, but the “story format” video existed as well (think “Bat Out of Hell,” “Paradise

Garage,” or “Space Oddity”).

ContentsCHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

The Scenic City Art Car Tailgate Party & Parade

Majestic 12 Parking Lot across from The Creative Discovery Museum Takin’ it to the

Streets in just one week,

Saturday, May 9th, 9am-1pm

Free Family Fun for Everyone!

Parade to Main Rolls at 1pm

Map & Details @art120.org


NEWS • VIEWS • RANTS • RAVESUPDATES » chaTTanoogaPulse.com FACEBOOk/chaTTanoogaPulse

EMAil loVe leTTeRs, aDVIce & TRash TalK To [email protected]

Rant ’Em If You Got ’EmLewis Black is back at the Memorial Auditorium May 2

How does anyone end up in any form of legislature without having read the Constitution to know that you can’t make the Bible your state book?”

“Editor’s Note: This is an excerpt from a much longer interview. Read the full interview with more questions and sur-prising answers at chattanoogapulse.com

Most Chattanoogans know Lewis Black as the quick-to-agitate comic wildly pointing his fingers as he rants about the latest cultural or political lunacy during his regular appearanc-es on “The Daily Show.” He’s seem-ingly always on the verge of a ner-vous breakdown. Since those “Daily Show” segments, Black has contin-ued a prolific career as author, actor and comic with two Grammy Award-

winning comedy albums, starring in several specials on HBO and EPIX and voicing the character Anger in the upcoming Pixar film “Inside Out.”

Black will return to the Tivoli Theater on Saturday, May 2, bringing “The Rant Is Due: Part Deux” tour to town. We recently had a chance to speak with him about religion, poli-tics and his love for Southern food.

The pulse: Was there a point in your personal life that unleashed the anger, or did

your colicky childhood provide the perfect setup and you just went with it?

lewis Black: Well, it started when I was a kid. I was 9 and they would tell me to get under a wooden desk in case of a nuclear at-tack. I mean, seriously? There was this tre-mendous documentary about migrant work-ers called “Harvest of Shame.” I was about 11 or 12 and I would see this and think “Really? These people pick our food, and we treat them like shit?” It made me angry.

Then there was the mid ’60s and I watched the civil rights movement on TV and again I’m thinking, “What are you doing? You don’t treat people like this.”

Tp: I know you’re familiar with how far right Southern politics can lean. Are the au-diences here as receptive as in other parts of the country?

lB: The audiences in the South have been terrific to me. But there are people there who are still living through the past. It’s like

watching dinosaurs die; you’re hearing their final moans. I mean, how does anyone end up in any form of legislature without having read the Con-stitution to know that you can’t make the Bible your state book?

Tp: Going a completely dif-ferent direction, I have to ask: Are you a fan of Southern food?

lB: I love Southern food. In fact, if I lived down there I would weigh 500 pounds. Bis-cuits and gravy, fried green to-matoes and now we can have fried green tomatoes with bacon and a fried egg, I mean…well, sure. Why not?

Tp: Last year you did a tour in Europe. Since so much of your material is based around culture and politics, how do au-diences outside the US react to your show?

lB: I was in Sweden, Nor-way, Holland, Belgium and Ire-land. They get it. They watch us as if we’re some sort of really f***ed-up reality show.

• • • •For tour information, visit

therantisdue.com. Become a part of the Frustrated Union of Cynical Kindreds Universal fan club, watch videos of shows live shows and suggest rants for Lewis (as if he needs help).

Ravemike mcjunkin

BEG

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Sleek vessels with the heads of mythical flying beasts will again be stalking a near-by waterway…because this Sat-urday, May 2, the TVA Park at the Chickamauga Dam will be full of dragon boats, ready to row in the Ninth Annual Children’s Hospital Dragon Boat Festival. Sin-ews will be straining, drums will be pounding, and supporters will be yell-ing, as the rowers push their boats to

become this year’s Gold winner.

For the past few years, Children’s Hospital at Er-langer has been holding this all-day event to raise

money, allowing children to have the medical care they need. During the festival, community and corporate teams race in Hong Kong-style boats, all 46 feet long, causing great exhilara-tion for both paddlers and onlookers. The event involves, as the Children’s

Hospital Foundation says, “excite-ment, friendly competition, and com-munity spirit surrounding the sport.”

Participants must be at least 15 years old, but any person fitting the age requirements can enter, regard-less of physique and natural talent. The goal is to raise $200,000 and each team has set a goal of $4,000, so if you want to help a good cause, pick your dragon and put your money down!

For more information, please check out the official website at paddlefor-childrenshospital.org

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EdiToonby Rick Baldwin

Here Will Be Dragons—For A Good Cause

Steven W. Dis-brow is a computer program-mer by profes-sion who

specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems develop-ment. But wait, there’s more. Much more. He’s also an entrepreneur, comic-book nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personal-

ity and parent of two human children. He’s anxiously awaiting the results of the experiment that will prove whether or not the universe is a massive simulation. If it is, he’d like to have a chat with the idiot that coded the bits where we kill each other for no damn good reason. Along with various cover stories, his “Just A Theory” column on all things science runs month-ly here in The Pulse. Watch out, Neil deGrasse Tyson!

Steven W. DisbrowLong-time crossword creator Matt Jones' first crossword

appeared in the New York Times two decades ago, all the way back in 1994, mak-ing him one of the first teens published by legendary edi-tor Will Shortz. Since then, his puzzles have appeared

in print and online, and he has created almost 700 crosswords for the weekly syndicate Jonesin' Crossword. He's most recently finish-ing up a crowdfunded book of freestyle crosswords with barred grids instead of black squares. He's published two other compilations, "Jonesin' Crosswirds" in 2004 and "Jonesin' for Crosswords" in 2009, which holds a perfect five-star rating on Amazon. He lives in Portland, Oregon.

Matt Jones

— Gavin Gaither

Thu, Apr. 30 • 7:15 PMvs. JacksonvilleThirsty Thursday

Fri, May 1 • 7:15 PMvs. Jacksonville

Fireworks • Star Wars NightSat, May 2 • 7:15 PM

vs. JacksonvilleHarmon Killebrew BobbleheadSun, May 3 • 2:15 PM

vs. JacksonvilleBike to the Park

Mon, May 4 • 7:15 PMvs. Jacksonville

Halfway to Halloween

HOME GAMES


With that anniversary in mind, as well as the upcoming relocation of the Com-edy Catch from Brainerd to downtown, we decided to take a look at the last 30 years of comedy here in Chattanooga.

Honestly, before The Comedy Catch opened in 1985, there weren’t many places to see comedy in town. Of course, there was the occasional comedy at The Little Theater or the Backstage Dinner Theater, and I suppose Harry Thorn-ton’s talk show with Judy Corn was funny if you were a shut-in. But if you wanted stand-up comedy, you were basi-cally out of luck. Sure, there was the oc-casional show in a bar around, but there was no place to go for a regular stand-up comedy show.

That changed in 1985 when comedi-ans Ken Sons and Les McCurdy (a.k.a. “The Bermuda Mavericks” comedy duo) opened up The Comedy Catch inside “Dr. Sage’s Lounge,” high atop the Holiday Inn in the Golden Gateway. If you remember the ’80s, you’ll remem-ber that a nationwide stand-up com-edy boom was happening during that decade. As a result, the original ’Catch location quickly became too small for the crowds it was drawing. So, Les and Ken moved the location from downtown through the Brainerd tunnels to the cur-rent location.

Right about this time, a young DJ from New Jersey, Michael Alfano, and his wife Cheryl, were looking to start

their own business. It’s a story that sounds very familiar in Chattanooga these days; during one of many trips around the country (going from one radio gig to another), the Alfanos passed through Chattanooga, liked what they saw, and made an effort to move here. A short while after settling in town, they found out that Ken and Les were looking to take on some partners in the ’Catch.

It was at this point that Michael’s mother, Dolly, gave him some advice that would change his life: “The worst thing you could do is have a business partner.” She also loaned the young cou-ple the money needed to buy out The Mavericks, and the Alfanos became sole owners of The Comedy Catch. (Dolly would also join her son here in Chatta-nooga and became a fixture behind the bar at the ’Catch over the years. Speak with any comic that worked there during her tenure and they’ll have at least one great story to tell you. Sadly, she passed away not too long ago.)

Of course, any economic boom can be a double-edged sword. It was just a few years later, in 1989, that Chattanooga got its second full-time comedy club, The Funny Pages. Located further away from downtown, near Eastgate, The Funny Pages began to compete with the ’Catch for Chattanooga’s comedy dollar, and it nearly killed them.

Remember, this was the late ’80s.

There was no Facebook or Twitter or even an Internet that could be used to spread the word for free. The Funny Pages ate into the ’Catch’s business so much that, at one point, the Alfanos had to hand out free tickets at Hamilton Place just to fill the room. According to Michael, “[The Funny Pages] knocked us down. We were just gettin’ the ball rolling…We went out to Hamilton Place and just stood there and handed out free tickets.”

But all those free tickets paid off. The Funny Pages closed relatively quickly, and when no other venue opened to take its place, The Comedy Catch quickly became the local 800-pound gorilla of comedy. And things stayed this way pretty much all the way through the ’90s. That’s not a bad thing, however, as it gave a stable comedy “home” to lots of local comics (including yours truly) looking to get into the business and hone their craft via “Open Mic Night.”

As the new millennium rolled around, the comedy landscape shifted again with the opening of The Vaudeville Cafe on the North Shore. When it first opened, the Vaudeville wasn’t focused solely on comedy, though: They had singing waiters, a piano bar and, just one night a week, a “Murder Mystery.”

If you’ve never been to a murder mystery, the concept is pretty simple: While you enjoy a nice meal, a group of actors play out a comedic whodunit in

CO

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A brief history of comedy in ChattanoogaBy Steven W. Disbrow

i

Cha Ha Ha!f you say the word, “comedy” ’round here, chances are the assump-

tion will be you’re talking about The Comedy Catch. That’s under-standable, because, as of this year, the ’Catch has been putting comics on stage for 30 years.

“The Comedy Catch gave a stable home to lots of local comics looking to get into the business and hone their craft via ‘Open Mic Night.’”


“Over the past decade or so, improv comedy has become very popular, and Chattanooga is no slouch in that department.”

the room with you. While some shows of this type take place entirely on stage, re-moved from the audience, the Vaudeville folks do things a little differently. The characters will come into the crowd and interact with the audience, even going so far as to sit and eat with them, or bring them on stage to be in the show. It’s a pretty unique combination of scripted (skit), stand-up and improvisation that proved to be a huge hit.

In fact, it was such a hit that soon the singing waiters and other things were being phased out in favor of putting on multiple murder mysteries every week. Nowadays, The Vaudeville Cafe is exclu-sively murder mysteries and the shows were so successful that they moved from the North Shore to the corner of 2nd and Market Streets. (The Vaudeville had stand-up comedy for a couple of years, but, according to owner Chris Hampton, it wasn’t a good fit. So they went back to just doing murder mysteries.)

Fast-forward to 2009, and 22-year-old Joel Ruiz and some friends begin putting on their own comedy shows in various (very) small venues around town. Ac-cording to Ruiz, the “alt room comedy” shows started as a bit of a lark. “I had some friends [who were stand-up comics] come visit from L.A. and they wanted to do a comedy show in town but couldn’t find anywhere to do it. So they got set up by a friend at the Chattanooga Billiards Club downtown’s side room and ended

up selling the place out.” After this initial success, these alt-com-

edy shows began to take place in smaller rooms all over the city: The Office, Bark-ing Legs, Ziggy’s, Rhapsody Cafe and JJ's Bohemia have all seen their share. While these shows still pop up at other venus from time to time, JJ's Bohemia is now the place where you’re most likely to find one.

While the main goal of these shows is to give local comics much-needed stage time to work on their material, they’ve also managed to bring some big names to town, including Doug Stanhope and Kyle Kinane. Ruiz has recently moved to Atlanta, and handed the production of the shows over to Ryan Darling.

Which brings us up to today, more or less.

There were other comedy-type events happening while all of the above was going on. The Chattanooga Theatre Center, for example, has been producing terrific comedies for its 90-plus years of existence.

The Backstage Dinner Theater put on tons of shows during its time, includ-ing several comedies that my mother dragged me to in my youth. After it shut down, and became the Encore Theater, it was home to even more funny shows. In its current incarnation as the Ripple Theater, its very first show was one of the most famous comedies ever written, Shakespeare’s “ A Midsummer Night’s

Dream.”Over the past decade or so, improv

comedy (like you would see on TV’s “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”) has be-come very popular, and Chattanooga is no slouch in that department either. We’ve got a bunch of great improv troupes here in town (several of which I happen to be in) and you can catch at least one great improv show in town every week. The Mellow Mushroom downtown has a show every Tuesday, and the Ensemble Theater of Chattanooga has one on the second Saturday of each month.

Heck, there’s even a talented young man named Dakota Brown that’s been writing and producing his very own old-time comedy radio show/podcast for the last few years. It’s called “Horace Kentucky’s Chronal Detective Agency” and you can find it on iTunes if you want to give it a listen. (It’s funny!)

So, what does the future hold for com-edy in Chattanooga? Well, the Vaudeville Cafe just recently completed a move to a brand-new location. And, as mentioned at the beginning of this article, The Comedy Catch is going to be moving to a new location inside the renovated Choo Choo early this summer.

The very heart of comedy is surprise. So there’s no telling what the future holds for us here in Chattanooga. But I’m willing to bet our town’s punchline is go-ing to be even better, and funnier, than the last 30 years.


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Growing up, I would always watch with a bit of mild fasci-nation as my father crumbled leftover cornbread into a bowl of ice-cold buttermilk. De-spite how knee-bucklingly good my mother’s two-inch-thick, cast-iron skillet corn-bread was, there were always left-overs, and these left-overs would inevitably be-come part of this odd Appalachian Captain Crunch before day’s end.

I was never really bewil-dered by the taste of corn-bread and buttermilk—it is surprisingly delicious and a genetically determined com-fort food for a native South-erner. What puzzled my young brain were the ingredi-ents themselves, specifically the buttermilk. If you’ve ever taken a swig of this enigmatic dairy decoction, you know it is definitely not just a combi-nation of butter and milk. So, what in the name of St. Mar-tha’s apron is buttermilk?

Buttermilk has been around as long as people have been making butter. Originally, buttermilk was simply the liq-uid left over when cream was churned into butter. Since al-most all of the milk and cream we currently buy is pasteur-ized, the bacteria that used to ferment the resulting butter-milk and give it its signature sourness gets killed off. This means the buttermilk we buy at the grocery store has been cultured by adding live lactic acid bacteria to low-fat milk.

Prior to refrigeration, milk

would curdle and sour quick-ly, so most butter ended up being made from slightly soured milk. This resulted in some people using the word “buttermilk” to describe this byproduct of butter-making. Others would use the word to

describe the most com-mon, main i n g r e d i e n t in butter-making at the time: soured milk.

Still others would start the butter-making process with fresh cream and end up with a byproduct they called but-termilk as well.

This meant that prior to the 20th century, “buttermilk” could refer to either soured old milk, or a sour or sweet by-product of the butter-making process.

The only people in West-ern Europe and America who drank any of these forms of buttermilk were poor farmers and slaves who couldn’t af-ford to waste anything, while everyone else fed this butter-byproduct to farm animals.

Around the 1800s, cook-books started including the sour version of buttermilk in baking recipes that called for baking soda. The acid in the buttermilk was perfect for neutralizing the newly introduced baking soda be-ing marketed as a faster and more reliable substitute for yeast. About the same time, Ashkenazi Jews from Central and Eastern Europe began immigrating to the country in large numbers and brought with them an appreciation of

soured milk. In part because of mod-

ern refrigeration, naturally soured milk became rare. This prompted commercial dairy producers to start mak-ing it themselves by injecting live lactic acid bacteria into low-fat milk (because it was cheaper). By the 1920s, but-termilk much like what we find in supermarkets today was being sold in stores all over the US.

Between a new generation of bakers and a large Euro-pean immigrant population, cultured buttermilk sales rose to over 1,100 million pounds annually by the ’60s. Sadly, buttermilk sales have since plummeted to the point that yogurt has instead become the cultured-milk product de jour.

Although these days, but-termilk is increasingly hard to find north of the Mason-Dix-

on Line, here in the South it is still hanging on. Some people still drink it straight, but more often cooks will add it to reci-pes in place of milk or sour cream in pancake, bread and other baked recipes—includ-ing, of course, our beloved Southern buttermilk biscuits.

If you’re a do-it-yourselfer like me, a tangy version of buttermilk can be made by adding a teaspoon of vinegar or lemon juice to regular milk, then letting the mixture sit for 10 minutes to curdle. It won’t contain any live bacterial cul-tures, but it may save you a trip to the grocery store if you open your fridge and realize someone made buttermilk and cornbread with the last of your stash.

As a bonus, here is my sec-ond favorite thing (right after biscuits) to do with buttermilk (without an ice cream maker):

Basics of ButtermilkAn old favorite is still a delicious ingredient

Longtime food writer and professional chef Mike McJunkin is a native Chattanoogan who has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants, and singlehandedly increased Chattanooga’s meat consumption statistics for three consecutive years. Join him on Facebook at facebook.com/SushiAndBiscuits

Sushi &Biscuits

mike mcjunkin

“I was never really bewildered by the taste of cornbread and buttermilk—it is surprisingly delicious and a genetically determined comfort food for a native Southerner.

lemon-Buttermilk Sorbet • 2 cups sugar• 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice• 1 tablespoon grated lemon zest• 4 cups buttermilkStir sugar, lemon juice and zest in a medium-size, freezer-

safe bowl. Add buttermilk and stir until the sugar dissolves. Place in the freezer. After an hour, remove the container from the freezer and stir vigorously, mixing the frozen parts around the sides in with the rest. Return to the freezer. Repeat every hour until you have delicious sorbet!


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fri5.1qUICk THEATER

“An Evening of Ten-Minute Plays”The first-year students in the Professional Actor Training Program take the stage. Adults only.7:30 p.m.Chattanooga State Humanities Theater4501 Amnicola Hwy.(423) 697-3246chattanoogastate.edu

sat5.2ANGER ISSUES

Lewis Black: The Rant is Due: Part DeuxRead the full interview with Lewis Black on our website and then catch the show and find out why he's so popular.8 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St.(423) 757-5156chattanoogaonstage.com

thu4.30ART + ISSUES

“Ending The Clash By Bringing Backgrounds Together”come explore the real meaning of diversity in chattanooga through the work of Gajin Fujita.6 p.m.Hunter Museum of Art10 Bluff View(423) 267-0968huntermuseum.org

Check Your Expectations At The DoorThe Floor Is YOURS bends genres at Barking Legs Theater

There’s one time and one place in this town where you’ll always be en-tertained, maybe moved, possibly surprised—or even outraged. But you won’t be bored. And that time is the first Friday evening of the month and the place is Barking Legs The-ater.

BLT’s long-running “Wide Open Floor” night, which featured ev-erything from short films, dance, improv, way-out-there music, and in-your-face spoken word, got a re-boot, and continues under the new moniker “The Floor is YOuRS.”

Artists of all ilk sign up for that evening’s show and audiences nev-er know just what they’re going to see and hear. Which is why it’s fun.

This Friday, may 2, the night is hosted by self-described “poetry-spewing black woman” erika Black-mon, whose association with both Wide Open Floor and other BLT performances has always been ar-tistically explosive.

is “The Floor is Yours” the per-fect date night? That so depends on you—and your date.

— Janis Hashe

The Floor Is YOURSFriday, 8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.(423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org facebook.com/TFIYBLT

Neighbors will join in a block-party style Latin Festival enlivening the Highland Park Commons all day with the flavors and sounds of Latin American culture.”

“

A Little Slice of Latin AmericaFestival also draws attention to ESOL/ABE classes at St. Andrews Center

PUPUSAS, EMPANADAS, TAMALES, LIVE MUSIC, FOLK dancing, a soccer tournament: Next Saturday, May 2, from 11

a.m. to 4 p.m., a long-awaited dream will come true. Neighbors will join in a block-party style Latin Festival enlivening the Highland Park Commons all day with the flavors and sounds of Latin Ameri-can culture.

ArtsWhiTni mcDOnALD

Gladys Pineda-Loher’s vision has caught fire and spread among the dedi-cated staff and students of weekly Eng-lish language (ESOL) and Adult Basic Education (ABE) courses in the St. An-drews Center near the corner of Union and Willow. It is the first time the pro-ceeds from a neighborhood event will directly benefit the St. Andrews campus of the Chattanooga State Adult Educa-tion program.

For the last 16 years, adult education courses have been offered at St. Andrews as a free service to Chattanooga’s immi-grant population; however, many Chat-tanoogans remain unaware that St. An-drews is a site for Chatt State’s Adult Ed. The building’s proximity to neighbor-hoods like Highland Park, where many of the Guatemalan and other Latino language students live and work makes it a more workable facility for the ESOL courses than the alternative commute to the East Campus.

Recently, I began teaching an ESOL course two evenings per week at St. An-drews, and I know most of my students have children and full-time jobs, making the classes a challenge on multiple lev-els. If they had to drive out to the Bonny Oaks area for classroom space, it would certainly limit many students’ ability to participate. They are a highly committed group, and have taught me just as much about their experiences and culture as I have taught them in English language


coursework. In preparation for the Latin Festival, we’ve been discussing the plans in class.

At the ground level, Pineda-Loher has been pushing for a Latin cultural celebration in Chattanooga ever since she relocated from Knoxville in 2009, after successfully establishing a Latin Festival tradition there. As a first step toward raising awareness and partner-ships for diversity among the business community, she launched the Interna-tional Business Council for the Cham-ber of Commerce.

Her passion is to assist the immigrant population of Chattanooga in integrat-ing fully with our city’s cultural life, as well as demonstrating to long-time residents the richness of diversity our Latino neighbors bring. At Chattanoo-ga State, she’s helped to grow the Cul-tural Ambassadors and International Achievers program, a locus for much of the energy behind the upcoming Latin Festival.

Pineda-Loher told me her driving motive for the festival was the simple question: “What’s being done to con-nect everybody?” She recognized that nothing large and cohesive was really happening. The Global Culture Fest that took place last fall was a start, but the larger goal has always been to host grassroots events in the very neighbor-hoods they benefit.

As Pineda-Loher puts it, “It was im-portant for the Latin Festival to have a meaningful mission behind it. This is not just about a party. We’re helping to create pathways for education and integration. It’s about educating the community at large about diversity.” She is grateful for a host of support-

ive foundations making the festival possible, but especially the Benwood Foundation, which caught the vision for Latin Fest early on, and has been the festival’s most vigorous backer.

The energy behind the festival is contagious. For her part, Chattanooga State Adult Education Director Su-zanne Elston is thrilled. The spotlight Latin Fest will shine on the dedicated teachers in the St. Andrews ESOL and ABE programs already feels like a boost. She explained further, “Over the years we’ve been working to de-velop a long-term way of assisting funding for adult education. We have an expanding program with increasing need, and we hope this will be the first annual and something we’ll continue for years to come.”

From my own limited experience teaching alongside dedicated ESOL instructors, I agree that it is heartening to have a celebration where our stu-dents’ cultures will take center stage. It’s amazing to me how eager these busy students are to learn all they can about the American language and cul-ture. They are constantly fascinated and curious when I share about the parks, music, history, and customs I love and sometimes take for granted. The real magic of a healthy city shines through when that curiosity flows in both directions, and we take the time to learn from one another.

The Latin Festival features ongo-ing music, dance, cuisine, and kid-friendly events throughout the Satur-day. The full event schedule and list of sponsors can be found on the Latin Fest Facebook page, facebook.com/events/194999177340284/

Flashlight Shows Benefit concert @Barking LegsFeaturing Sales and Special Guest, The Mailboxes.Doors Open 8pm, $10

Art Car Tailgate Party & Paradein the Majestic 12 Parking Lot. Tailgate starts 9am, Parade to Main rolls @ 1pm

Get Ready...

Set..

GO!

ThursdayApril

30

SaturdayMay

9

SaturdayMay

9The Art Car Fire Ballin the Craftworks Lot220 W. Main Street. Gate Opens @ 8pm with Special guest Chattanooga Fire Cabaret. 18 & up

Like ART120 on FB & Follow @art120org on

Twitter for more details

Wear your best

fire inspired

attire or fun

outfits!

Art Car Weekend is

Going to be a Blast!Art Car Weekend is

Going to be a Blast!


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tHursday4.30 “Ease into Yoga: Bring the Joy Back to Paddling”5:30 p.m.Outdoor chattanooga200 River St.(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.com Art + Issues: “Ending The Clash By Bringing Backgrounds Together”6 p.m.hunter museum of Art10 Bluff View(423) 267-0968huntermuseum.orgArgentinian Wine Makers Dinner6:30 p.m.Porter’s Steakhouse827 Broad St.(423) 643-1240panoramimports.comChattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

friday5.1 Armed Forces Day Parade10:30 a.m.Downtown chattanoogamarket St.(423) 762-1816chattareaveterans.comOpening Reception: “Change is Good”

5 p.m.in-Town Gallery26A Frazier Ave.(423) 267-9214intowngallery.comOpen Studio Night5:30 p.m.chattanooga Workspace302 W. 6th St.(423) 822-5750chattanoogaworkspace.com“Night at the Museum”6 p.m.museum center at Five Points200 inman St.(423) 339-5745museumcenter.orgChattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

“Miss Nelson Is Missing”7:30 p.m.chattanooga Theatre centre400 River St.(423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com“An Evening of Ten-Minute Plays”7:30 p.m.chattanooga State humanities Theater4501 Amnicola hwy.(423) 697-3246chattanoogastate.eduMike Speenburg7:30, 9:45 p.m.The comedy catch3224 Brainerd Rd.(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com"The Floor Is YOURS"8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.

(423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org

saturday5.2 “Waking Up with the Birds”7:30 a.m.chattanooga Arboretum and nature center400 Garden Rd.(423) 821-1160reflectionriding.orgBreakfast on the Bridge8 a.m.Walnut Street Bridge1 Walnut St.(423) 756-2787artsbuild.comChildren’s Hospital Dragon Boat Festival8 a.m.TVA Park at chickamauga Dam3001 kings Rd.(423) 778-3989paddleforchildrenshospital.orgDay Out With Thomas 8:30 a.m.Tn Valley Railroad museum4119 cromwell Rd.(423) 894-8028tvrail.comChattanooga River Market10 a.m.Tennessee Aquarium Plaza1 Broad St.(423) 648-2496chattanoogarivermarket.comLatino Family Festival 10 a.m.chattanooga Zoo301 n. holtzclaw Ave.(423) 697-1319

Pulse PiCk: Mike sPeenburgHe’s been called "The Inner Voice of His Generation" aand has been featured on everything from The Paul Harvey Radio Show to The Weather Channel.

Mike SpeenburgThe comedy catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233thecomedycathc.om

May 9 & 10

Gardening Workshops,Tours & Demonstrations

Make-N-TakeGardening Projects

Live music, kid’s activitiesand fun for thewhole family!

Memorial Daythrough Labor day

With the 7 States View as your backdrop,tickle your ears with toe-tapping old-time,

bluegrass, country, and folk music.Unbeatable when combined with delectable

food from Café 7! Be sure to see the Rock City Raptors soar above the Critter Classroom!

For more info call:1.800.854.0675


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8th Annual Chocolate Fling

chattzoo.org“The M Play”10:30 a.m.chattanooga Theatre centre400 River St.(423) 267-8534theatrecentre.comWater Quality Cruise12:30 p.m.River Gorge explorer201 Riverfront Pkwy.(423) 785-4135tnaqua.orgEastgate Saturday Cinema: “Big Hero 6”2:30 p.m.eastgate Public Library5705 marlin Rd.(423) 855-2689chattlibrary.org“Miss Nelson Is Missing”2:30 p.m.chattanooga Theatre centre400 River St.(423) 267-8534theatrecentre.comFred Astaire Fables Performance7 p.m.uTc Fine Arts centerVine & Palmetto Sts.(423) 425-4371utc.edu “Requiem for the Living” Premiere7 p.m.First Baptist church of chattanooga506 e. 8th St.(706) 419-1416choralartsofchattanooga.orgChattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns7:15 p.m.

AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com“An Evening of Ten-Minute Plays”7:30 p.m.chattanooga State humanities Theater4501 Amnicola hwy.(423) 697-3246chattanoogastate.eduMike Speenburg7:30, 9:45 p.m.The comedy catch3224 Brainerd Rd.(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.comLewis Black: The Rant is Due: Part Deux8 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St.(423) 757-5156chattanoogaonstage.com

sunday5.3 Day Out With Thomas8:30 a.m.Tn Valley Railroad museum4119 cromwell Rd.(423) 894-8028tvrail.comChattanooga Market11 a.m.First Tennessee Pavilion1826 Reggie White Blvd.(423) 648-2496chattanoogamarket.com8th Annual Chocolate Fling & VIP Brunch Fundraiser11:30 a.m.

The chattanoogan1201 S. Broad St.(423) 838-0113epilepsy-setn.orgChattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns2:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com“Miss Nelson Is Missing”2:30 p.m.chattanooga Theatre centre400 River St.(423) 267-8534theatrecentre.comMike Speenburg7:30 p.m.The comedy catch3224 Brainerd Rd.(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

Monday5.4 Acrylic Class4 p.m.Reflections Gallery6922 Lee hwy.(423) 892-3072reflectionsgallerytn.comMonday Night Vintage Swing Dance7 p.m.clear Spring Yoga17 n. market St.(931) 982-1678Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley

(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

tuesday5.5 Cinco de Mayo & National Teacher Appreciation Day10 a.m.chattanooga Zoo301 n. holtzclaw Ave.(423) 697-1319chattzoo.org

wednesday5.6 Main Street Farmers Market4 p.m.325 e. main St.mainstfarmersmarket.comChattanooga Lookouts vs. Jackson Generals7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comWednesday Night Jazz8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.(423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org“Rifftrax Live: The Room”8 p.m.east Ridge 185080 S. Terrace, east Ridge(423) 855-9652carmike.com

Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]

RubyFalls.com423.821.2544

Named“One of the

Ten Most Incredible

CaveWaterfallson Earth”World Reviewer

RubyFallsZip.com423.821.2544

OpenSaturdaysand Sundays!


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Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver

fri5.1ALBUM ROCk

Black Jacket SymphonySuper popular and super talented group presents two complete albums live: The Who's "Who's next" and The Beatles' "Abbey Road" in a show for fans of all ages.8 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St.chattanoogaonstage.com

sat5.2UNDERGROUND

Scenic, The Empress, Nosecone Prophets, SeizerAnother Saturday night, and chance to rock out till your ears ache with a great lineup of in-your-face rock and roll.8 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia 231 E MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

thu4.30MELODIC CHILL

Flashlight Shows presents SALESAn electronic pop duo from Orlando who write really chill, melodically delicious tracks. Prepare to be blessed and impressed. 8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.org

Fiddle-De-Doo-DahBoxcar Pinion Bluegrass Festival rocks Raccoon Mt.

She’ll be comin’ round the moun-tain… for this year’s Boxcar Pinion memorial Bluegrass Festival. The three-day festival is Thursday, April 30 through Saturday, may 2. Get ready for some world-class fiddlin’ and pickin’.

The stage show times start at noon each day, ending at 10 p.m. on Thursday and 11 p.m. on Friday and Saturday. But the fun doesn’t have to stop then. The festival happens at Raccoon mountain campground. Bring your tent or RV and camp out with fellow bluegrass lovers.

The three days will be filled with major musical talent, including nor-man Blake, Doyle Lawson & Quick-silver, crowe Brothers, Fletcher

Bright & The Dismembered Tennes-seans, Russell moore & iiird Tyme Out, Sideline, Lone mountain Band, eddie Rose & highway 40, The Fritts Family, kevin Prater Band and The hamilton county Ramblers.

Ticket price for the whole festival is $85. But if you can only make it to one day, Thursday is $20, Friday is $30, and Saturday is $35. And with this full line-up, you’ll be sure to get your bluegrass fix.

For a full list of bands and the stage schedule, check out boxcar-foreverbluegrass.com.

Boxcar Pinion memorial Bluegrass Festival, Raccoon mountain camp-ground & RV Park, 319 W. hills Dr.

— Kristina Kelly

Music videos were a thing long before the advent of MTV. Most of the time it was concert footage, but the “story for-mat” video existed as well (think “Bat Out of Hell,” “Paradise Garage,” or “Space Oddity”). They were promotional tools, but to a large degree they were novelties; there simply weren’t enough good outlets for them (not in America, anyway).

Then came 1981 and the advent of Mu-sic Television which played music videos twenty-four hours a day. Yes, kids, I know, but that’s how it was in the beginning. This led to a lot of really terrible videos, of course. Billy Squier absolutely wrecked a promising career with one (watch the video for “Rock Me Tonite” and you’ll understand). There was some genius too, though, and a video could have just as much artistic punch as the music it was meant to sell. Suddenly bands that had been receiving virtually no radio play were selling records like gangbusters. Men at Work, for instance.

Yet even as the money spent on produc-tion went up, quality and interest waned. Videos never faded away completely, but the golden age was over. This is a new age, however, a digital age, in which the rise of the internet and social media has brought about a resurgence of the music video. Moreover, advances in technology have driven down the cost of production, until even local and regional acts can af-

This is a new age, a digital age, in which the rise of the internet and social media has brought about a resurgence of the music video.”

“

MusicmARc T. michAeL

Song Stories Back In The SpotlightFull Metal Media works hard to give local bands their killer video moments

AS A GENERAL RULE THIS SPACE IS RESERVED FOR me to talk about local musicians; their music, their upcoming

gigs, their new releases, and so on. In a larger sense though, my rai-son d’etre is to promote the Chattanooga music scene as a whole—which is why this week I have elected to tell you about a couple of fellows whose business specifically caters to and supports that scene. More on them in a bit. First, some history is in order.


ford to put out a profes-sional piece of work. And that brings us to Chris Campbell and Nate Peck-inpaugh, owners and oper-ators of Full Metal Media.

Already familiar names from their band, The Av-erage, the duo has been working behind the scenes in an altogether different capacity for some time. Nate explains, “We started working with video out of necessity, a way of getting our music out there. At the time there really wasn’t anyone doing a lot of music-related video work in the area and the ones that would do it were way out of our [price] range, so we just decided to buy our own cameras and change our majors in col-lege.”

He continued, “We are hoping to encourage the Chattanooga music scene to take music videos and live performance videos more seriously, as we have seen the benefits within our own band. We have seen how much more our attention our music gets when it is paired with video, and the artists that we have worked with say the same. One of the videos we did

for Ryan Oyer was included in a Fuse TV segment they did on him.”

It would seem the fellows are al-ready making a name for themselves, boasting such clients as Endelouz, Nick Lutsko, SOCRO, Scenic, and Strung Like a Horse, to name a few. Their website is currently under con-struction, so the fellows are asking people to find them on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube (where some great examples of their work are al-ready on display).

Their work is quality, their rates are extremely competitive. Given those factors and the rise in popularity of the music video, every band should be adding this to their arsenal of promo-tional tools. Otherwise, kids, you’re just leaving money on the table.

Music Sharp Enough To Wake The Dead

German-American BrewPub224 Frazier Ave • brewhausbar.com

Featured: Spaetzle entrée with vinegar slaw and brussels sprouts w/bacon marmalade

Monday, May 4 @ 7pm:Finch’s Pint Night

Tuesday, May 5 @ 7pm:Will Heaven Pint Night and Trivia

Wednesday, May 6 Duck Rabbit Pint Night

Live Music with Danimal @ 6:30pm Running for Brews @ 7pm

Local well known artist singing Patsy Cline, Etta James, Jo Stafford, Keely Smith and many others.

Shani hedden Palmer & Sweet lowdownThursday, May 7th 7pm at the MACC

FREEMountain Arts Community Center • 809 Kentucky Ave, Signal Mountain, TN

For more information visit our website at signalmacc.org

Nashville supergroup The Dead Deads return to Chattanooga May 8 at Rhythm & Brews, marking their first appearance at that venue. The show is of special significance to two of the band members, Chattanooga’s own Wolf sisters, Leticia and Mandy.

“That place is always home to me. I’ve written songs about it! Now I’m gonna land my spaceship in it and all my friends are gonna jump out and melt the walls,” said Leticia.

The Dead Deads, who completed their first national tour last Decem-ber, have garnered critical acclaim and serious industry attention for their music/stage show that, frankly speaking, can’t be compared to any-thing else happening today. Chuck Garric, bass player for Alice Cooper, had this to say of their act:

“I don’t care where you live, you

must go see this band The Dead Deads. I felt like I walked into CBGB 1979 the way rock used to be! The Dead Deads are the real deal.” Punk, metal, grunge and alternative collide to form the basis of the band’s sound, while their high-energy stage presence is full of dark humor and joyful weirdness. It seems likely that Bootsy Collins, The Breeders and David Johansen (along with many others) have contributed something to the razor-sharp lovechild that is The Dead Deads.

The Dead Deads are headlining the upcoming show, the featured art-ist is sElf and the enigmatic Danimal Pinson will be opening that evening. Collectively, this promises to be one of the most incredible collections of talent under one roof, anywhere.

— MTM


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RVoodoo Visionary

tHursday4.30 Boxcar Pinion Memorial Bluegrass Festival noonRaccoon mountain campground319 W. hills Dr.boxcarforeverbluegrass.comLarry Fleet5:30 p.m.Sugar’s Downtown507 Broad St.sugarschattanooga.comFeel It Thursday Open Mic7 p.m.mocha Restaurant & music Lounge511 Broad St.mochajazz.netJesse James & Tim Neal7 p.m.mexi Wings Vii5773 Brainerd Rd.(423) 296-1073CSO: “Rachmaninoff’s 2nd”7:30 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St.chattanoogaonstage.comFlashlight Shows presents SALES8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.orgShabti, Voodoo Visionary, Freejam8 p.m.jj’s Bohemia 231 e. mLk Blvd.jjsbohemia.comOpen Mic with Hap

Henninger9 p.m.The Office @ city cafe901 carter St.citycafemenu.com

friday5.1

United States Navy Band10 a.m.Downtown chattanooga503 market St.facebook.com/chattatparadeBoxcar Pinion Memorial Bluegrass Festival noonRaccoon mountain campground319 W. hills Dr.boxcarforeverbluegrass.comJason Thomas and the Mean-Eyed Cats5 p.m.

chattanooga choo choo1400 market St.choochoo.com Eddie Pontiac5:30 p.m.el meson2204 hamilton Place Blvd.elmesonrestaurant.comAmerican Dream Concert: Corey Smith, Remembering January6:45 p.m.engel Stadium1130 e. 3rd St.engelfoundation.comChattanooga Acoustic Showcase7 p.m.charles & myrtle’s coffeehouse105 mcBrien Rd.christunity.orgDead 27’s7 p.m.

clyde’s on main122 W. main St.clydesonmain.comNick Lutsko, John & Jacob7 p.m.nightfall concert Seriesmiller Plaza850 market St.nightfallchattanooga.comBlack Jacket Symphony: “Who’s Next” and “Abbey Road” 8 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St.chattanoogaonstage.comFMLYBND, Nim Nims8 p.m.jj’s Bohemia 231 e. mLk Blvd.jjsbohemia.comThe Floor is YOURS8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.orgRoughwork8:30 p.m.The Foundry1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comJohn Lathim9 p.m.The Office @ city cafe901 carter St.citycafemenu.comSomething Else 9 p.m.Long haul Saloon2536 cummings hwy.(423) 822-9775Slippery When Wet: A Tribute to Bon Jovi10 p.m.

Pulse PiCk: dana rogersDana Rogers’ musical style is an American mosaic of acoustic finger-style jazz, folk and blues. A fan once told Dana that her voice “…is like steel-reinforced velvet. Smooth and strong.”

Dana Rogers12:30 p.m.Tennessee Aquarium Plaza1 Broad St.(423) 648-2496chattanoogarivermarket.com

LIVE MUSIC

CHATTANOOGA

MAY

5.16 RUBIKS GROOVE 5.20 CAROLINE ROSE5.22 SMOOTH DIALECTS

1FRI9pSLIPPERY WHEN WET

A TRIBUTE TO BON JOVI

MICHAEL RAYwith THE TEN BARTRAM GIRLS

5TUE8pUPTOWN BIG BAND

BIG TIME CINCO DE MAYO PARTY!

8FRI10pTHE DEAD DEADS

with sElf and DANIMAL PLANET

BACKUP PLANET with HIGHER LEARNING

14THU9p

WRENNPOP ATHENS, GA’S “QUEEN OF POP”

15FRI10pSAME AS IT EVER WAS

A TRIBUTE TO THE TALKING HEADS

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREETHOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

COMING SOON

COMMUNICATORS PRESENT: THAT 90'S SHOW

MATT STEPHENS PARTY FROM BEGINNING TO END!

THE

9SAT9:30P

2SAT9P

SAT9p

FREESHOW

23

FRI9p 30


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Michael Ray

Rhythm & Brews221 market St.rhythm-brews.com

saturday5.2 Boxcar Pinion Memorial Bluegrass Festival noonRaccoon mountain campground319 W. hills Dr.boxcarforeverbluegrass.comDana Rogers12:30 p.m.Tennessee Aquarium Plaza1 Broad St.(423) 648-2496chattanoogarivermarket.comJason Thomas and the Mean-Eyed Cats5 p.m.chattanooga choo choo1400 market St.choochoo.comEddie Pontiac5:30 p.m.el meson2204 hamilton Place Blvd.elmesonrestaurant.comSomething Else6 p.m.Las margaritas 4604 Skyview Dr.(423) 892-3065SBI Records Artist Competition7 p.m.The camp house149 e. mLk Blvd.thecamphouse.comNo Big Deal

8 p.m.Waterhouse Pavilion850 market St.chattanoogaroomintheinn.comScenic, The Empress, Nosecone Prophets, Seizer8 p.m.jj’s Bohemia 231 e. mLk Blvd.jjsbohemia.comRoughwork8:30 p.m.The Foundry1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comMichael Ray, The Ten Bartram Girls9 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 market St.rhythm-brews.comChris Ryan & Marty Adams9 p.m.The Office @ city cafe901 carter St.citycafemenu.comUptown Big Band10 p.m.St. Paul’s episcopal church 305 W. 7th St.stpaulschatt.org

sunday5.3 Play Along With The CSO 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion1826 Reggie White Blvd.(423) 648-2496chattanoogamarket.comFunction: with a “C” 11:30 a.m.chattanoogan hotel

1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comOpen Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m.Long haul Saloon2536 cummings hwy.(423) 822-9775

Monday5.4 CSO: Youth Orchestra’s Spring Concert7 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St.chattanoogaonstage.comMonday Nite Big Band7 p.m.The coconut Room6925 Shallowford Rd.thepalmsathamilton.comOpen Mic7 p.m.magoo’s Restaurant3658 Ringgold Rd.facebook.com/magoosTn

tuesday5.5 Something Else6 p.m.Las margaritas 4604 Skyview Dr.(423) 892-3065Bill McCallie, In Cahoots6:30 p.m.Southern Belle Riverboat201 Riverfront Pkwy.chattanoogariverboat.comNashvile Star Karaoke Competition7 p.m.

Sing it or Wing it410 market St.(423) 757-WinGRick’s Blues Jam7 p.m.Folk School of chattanooga1200 mountain creek Rd.chattanoogafolk.comUptown Big Band8 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 market St.rhythm-brews.com

wednesday5.6 Eddie Pontiac5:30 p.m.el meson248 northgate Parkelmesonrestaurant.comNo Big Deal6 p.m.Springhill Suites chattanooga Downtown495 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 834-9300Wednesday Night Jazz8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.orgBlues Night8 p.m.The Office @ city cafe901 carter St.citycafemenu.com

Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]

Locally & Sustainably Raised Foods

325 East Main Street on Chattanooga’s Southsidemainstfarmersmarket.com

Every Wednesday 4pm-6pm

Nashville star KaraoKe CompetitioN everytuesday iN may!

call & book a monday night private party!

daily lunch & drink specials!

410 market • (423) 757-wingsingitorwingit-chattanooga.com

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm$1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts,

$2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

901 Carter St. Inside City Cafe (423) 634-9191

Thursday, April 30: 9pmOpen Mic with Hap Henninger

Friday, May 1: 9pmJohn Lathim

Saturday, May 2: 10pmChris Ryan & Marty Adams

Tuesday, May 5: 7pmServer/Hotel Appreciation Night$5 Pitchers ● $2 Wells ● $1.50 Domestics

Wednesday, May 6: 8pmBlues Night feat. Yatti Westfiel

citycafemenu.com/the-office


Record ReviewsERNIE PAIk

Spontaneous Scampering, Beautiful HypnosisShipp Chamber Ensemble adventures, Inamoud entrances

The title and group name of the latest Matthew

Shipp release may be mislead-ing—although Shipp’s trio is billed as a chamber ensem-ble, it’s not playing classical pieces as one might expect, and there’s little evidence of any gospel or markedly spiri-tual influences, despite being called The Gospel According to Matthew & Michael.

The album is 15 chapters of fascinating free-form improvi-sations in the realm of adven-turous jazz, rocketing away from the routine head / solo / head / solo / lather / rinse / repeat formula. While some moments are far removed from any traditional notion of jazz, beyond free jazz into the nebulous free improv stratosphere, the playing is informed by the musicians’ formidable technical chops and building blocks that are crucial for creating nuanced, articulated and complicated excursions.

Simply being a great, cre-

ative player isn’t enough in ensemble settings, where a weak link can easily drag down the proceedings; that’s why it’s a crucial decision for a bandleader to carefully pick his sidemen, and Shipp has assembled an outstanding trio. Bassist Michael Bisio has been a longtime collaborator with Shipp, with effortlessly captivating dialogues with Shipp’s idiosyncratic piano style, and violist Mat Maneri (son of acclaimed reedist Joe Maneri) is a great fit here, with boundless energy, cu-riosity and inventive string playing.

From a performance stand-point, it’s an album with di-verse moments, from driving, fierce bass solos to methodi-cally wandering piano-string plucks to violent col legno wood-on-string notes to sauntering bass lines and dexterous piano scampering; however, that’s only half the picture, and the many moods it evokes—excitement, con-

fusion, measured delicate sensitivity, shared warmth—tells more of the story.

The players seem to have an innate sense of balance, constantly listening to each other, adjusting and adding in constructive ways; it’s an or-ganic energy pulled from thin air, like the musical equiva-lent of spontaneous genera-tion.

The most beautifully hyp-notic album heard by

this writer in recent memory is from a West African ensem-ble in the Azawad territory, performing the music heard in nomad camps in the Sahara that goes by the generic term “isswat.”

The lead singer—a woman named Fadimoutou Wallet Inamoud—is accompanied by clapping, stomping and drum-ming on an upturned bowl, while male singers provide a low vocal drone and occasion-ally let out a piercing yell of excitement. While Inamoud is clearly an untrained vocal-ist, her delivery is entrancing, passionate and fluid, singing songs about burning hearts, SUVs and “devil’s love”—which is non-platonic but not necessarily sinister—pep-pered with metaphors that will certainly sound odd to Western audiences.

Isswat is one of two albums issued by Sahelsounds and Mississippi Records that were originally recorded in 2008, being some of the only known studio recordings of this kind

of music. Some of the tracks are songs repeated from per-son to person, while others are improvised and are free to ramble in compelling and un-usual ways.

It might be a surprise that these acoustic songs are not centuries-old tales but are squarely set in the modern day, among modern concerns and inventions, and the trans-lations of the Tuareg language are fascinating to read.

In “Wana L’Ancien,” possi-bly the most captivating mo-ment of the album, a woman is described as having a cute smile and “better than a 4x4 Toyota.” “Adyamina” men-tions revolutionaries with as-sault rifles, among tanks and missiles, but it also offers po-etic lines like, “Love is a dry tree from which shade can be created.”

A strong theme throughout Isswat is yearning for a possi-bly unobtainable, handsome man; Inamoud sings “I love him more than his mother does,” in “Ahaylalou,” and another man is described as looking “sharp when he is hunting gazelles with a Toy-ota truck.”

The frustration of being in love with someone who is tak-en is conveyed as “like drink-ing boiled water when you are thirsty.” While we have become accustomed to the clichés of songwriting in the western world, Isswat is a re-freshing, animated glimpse of tumultuous Saharan romance with a spellbinding flow.

Matthew Shipp Chamber EnsembleThe Gospel According to Matthew & Michael(Relative Pitch)

Fadimoutou Wallet InamoudIsswat(Sahelsounds / Mississippi)

DON’T CHANCE IT

YOUR NEXT DRINKCOULD BE YOUR LAST

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In 1997, a Texan geologist with a thirst for liquor and a vision for pure vodka fought the law—and won. It’s hard to believe, but there once was a time when liquor distilleries in America weren’t as common as they are today. Bert Beveridge (yes, that’s his real name) not only created the first legal distillery in the United States of America since Prohibition, but he also obliterated Texas’s rulebook, and achieved access by creating the first distillery ever in the Lone Star State.

According to legend, Bev-eridge financed his company with 19 separate credit cards and started his distillery with two Dr. Pepper kegs and a turkey-frying machine. He must have glanced into the future and witnessed the rise in popularity of the gluten-free lifestyle, because he used corn instead of wheat, and, with careful consideration, he distilled the spirit six times. He thought that five wasn’t enough, and seven would be

too excessive. After success-fully turning the corn into al-cohol, Beveridge, nicknamed “Bertito” by his friends and family, called his vodka “Ti-to’s,” and began mass produc-tion.

Tito’s Vodka caught fire around the turn of the current cen-tury. In 2001, at the heavily contested San

Francisco World Spirits Com-petition, the liquor took home the double gold medal for “Best Vodka,” with a unani-mous victory. Tito’s won out against 72 other brands and established itself as the new kid on the block with the cool accent who steals everyone’s girlfriends.

The company’s reputation grew through word of mouth and, soon enough, the busi-ness that started with the ideal tools for Thanksgiving Day and recycled soft drink kegs, grew into a 26-acre operation producing 850,000 bottles per day. With coveted awards and fresh ingredients usu-

ally reserved for bank account-bouncing, high-end bottles of spirits, Beveridge slashed his prices in half and took on the competition. In 2012 alone, the company raked in nearly $85 million in profit. And yet, to this day, Beveridge insists his now-famous concoction be cooked in an old-fashioned pot still.

Along with risking every-thing for one great idea, and building up a company from scratch, Tito’s Vodka also prides itself on yet another true American value: dogs. The company loves it when their employees bring their ca-nine companions with them to work, and encourages every-one to adopt rescue dogs.

For those with no knowl-edge of quality vodka, the idea of drinking vodka straight may be a bit intimidating. But Bev-eridge created a spirit with a smooth taste and a clean finish

that doesn’t require a mixer. Sip, savor and enjoy.

As the spring days turn into summer nights, celebrate Ber-tito Beveridge’s success with a Texas Sipper. They say every-thing is bigger in Texas, and that has to include their mixed drinks, right?

Pick up a bottle of Tito’s Vodka from your favorite local liquor store, mix it with your favorite elderflower liqueur, and add some grapefruit juice to this tasty and refreshing cocktail.

Top the drink off with club soda and decorate it with a mint sprig for aesthetic plea-sure and toast the United States of America, where a man by the name of Beveridge can fulfill the huge burden created by his last name, and go forth to create a wholly orig-inal and affordable vodka that America can truly appreciate as its own.

Christopher Armstrong was born in Knoxville, Tennessee on a brisk morning in November when the stars aligned and Jupiter was visible with the naked eye. He enjoys the changing of seasons, vinyl records, books with lots of pages and beer that is too expensive for him to ever buy.

“Tito’s won out against 72 other brands and established itself as the new kid on the block with the cool accent who steals everyone’s girlfriends.”

Spirits Within

chRiSTOPheRARmSTROnG

Vodka American StyleTito’s Handmade Vodka is smooth, tasty—and Texan

ATHENS DISTRIBUTING COMPANYWINE AND SPIRIT WHOLESALERS

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TitosVodkaTito’s Handmade Vodka is microdistilled in Texas by Tito Beveridge in an old-fashioned pot still, just like fine single malt scotches and French cognacs.

Athens Distributing recommends these fine spirits...Ketel OneVodkaUsing carefully selected European wheat and superior distillation to produce an exceptional product that is both crisp to the taste and soft on the finish.

BelvedereVodkaBelvedere is the world’s original luxury vodka, defined by their Polish heritage and select premium ingredients, a symbol of luxury and craftsmanship.

CirocVodkaCiroc Ultra-Premium Vodka is gluten-free and crafted from fine French grapes, distilled a fifth time at the Distillerie de Chevanceaux in Southern France.


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With all the talk about the marvel cinematic universe and this week’s release of the oh-so-eagerly-awaited new “Avengers” movie, it’s the per-fect time to look back at a marvel-based comic book film that went in an unexpected—and delightful—di-rection.

When Disney bought the rights to the marvel comics, their animation division sifted through dozens of titles to find something that clicked with them and found "Big hero 6".

The story of a young boy and his ut-terly non-threatening bulbous medi-cally-minded robot Baymax struck

an immediate chord with audiences, both young and just young-at-heart.

Add to that a gorgeous look at a Bay Area that never was and strong lessons about teamwork and over-coming self-doubt, what better way to spend a Saturday at the library than by revisiting San Fransokyo?

Eastgate Saturday Cinema: “Big Hero 6”2:30 p.m., freeEastgate Public Library5705 Marlin Rd.(423) 855-2689chattlibrary.org

✴ ✴ ✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴ ✴ ✴

Avengers: Age of Ultron When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and it is up to the Avengers to stop the villainous ultron from enacting his terrible plans.Director: joss WhedonStars: Robert Downey jr., chris evans, mark Ruffalo, chris hemsworth

Far from the Madding Crowd in Victorian england, the indepen-dent and headstrong Bathsheba everdene attracts three very different suitors: a sheep farmer, a reckless ser-geant, and a prosperous bachelor.Director: Thomas VinterbergStars: carey mulligan, Tom Sturridge, matthias Schoenaerts, juno Temple

Everyone Wants A BaymaxDisney creates a superhero classic with heart and style

While trying to take Reynolds seriously in the role of Randol is at first difficult and seemingly unnatural, he is a good contrast to Mirren’s Maria.”

“

Recovering A Stolen Past“Woman in Gold” paints a moving portrait

SCHINDLER’S LIST” WAS RELEASED IN 1993, TELL-ing the story of Oskar Schindler, a greedy and selfish Ger-

man businessman who ultimately does what is right by turning his factory into a safe house for Jews during World War II. Steven Spielberg’s masterpiece won several Academy Awards, including Best Picture.

While those things are important, they are not what we, the viewers, will remem-ber. What will be remembered is how we felt during and after the movie. It is safe to say that “Schindler’s List” left an in-delible impression.

Another emotionally heavy Holocaust film, “The Pianist,” garnered rave re-views in 2002 for its story of a Jewish Pol-ish pianist who managed to survive the chaos and demise of the Warsaw ghetto during the war. Directed by Roman Po-lanski, himself a Krakow ghetto survivor, “The Pianist” took a selfless approach in not presenting tales of heroes or revenge-seekers but rather of someone who does what is needed to survive.

Enter “Woman in Gold.”Maria Altmann (Helen Mirren), an Aus-

trian emigrant living in California who was forced to leave her homeland and her family during World War II, opens the story with the humorously tinged eulogy for her sister, Luise, of whom she says, “If life was a race, then Luise won. If life was a boxing match, then I’m the last one standing.” Maria is left to handle the legal matters and stumbles across some paperwork revealing the details of her family’s stolen artwork.

Among this artwork is a portrait of her aunt, Adele Bloch-Bauer. She employs Randol Schoenberg (Ryan Reynolds), grandson to the famous Austrian com-poser Arnold Schoenberg, as her attorney. The two quickly find themselves in the midst of a Holmes-and-Watson-like ad-venture, taking on the Austrian govern-

ScreenBeTh miLLeR

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ment for the rights to Adele’s portrait along with several other paintings.

The story behind the “Woman in Gold,” now known as “Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I,” is that the art-ist, Gustav Klimpt, used a gold-en-crusting technique in his portrait of a captivating woman, creating what came to be considered the “Mona Lisa” of Austria. Adele’s portrait was stolen in 1938, along with many other personal items belonging to the fam-ily, during the Anschluss, the union of Austria and Germany. The picture landed in Vienna’s Belvedere Gallery, where it remained until Maria began her fight to reclaim it.

Maria and Randol wage a battle on two fronts: Maria seeks reconciliation for her past and the wrongful death of her family, while Randol is a flounder-ing lawyer attempting to start a family and a career. Randol initially sees her as his potential cash cow, ignoring his own Austrian legacy, but quickly real-izes through the many connections to his composer grandfather and through Maria’s telling of Jewish suppression and her own family’s struggle that her battle is also his battle.

Director Simon Curtis and first-time screenwriter Alexi Kaye Campbell rely heavily on the same emotional responses experienced by viewers in the aforementioned Holocaust films, using flashbacks Maria undergoes re-vealing her traumatic past. Juxtapos-ing the compelling, historical imag-ery of the past with the cultureless, identity-searching present (in this in-stance, 1998), Curtis mimics the same tension between Mirren’s and Reyn-

old’s characters. While trying to take Reynolds seri-

ously in the role of Randol is at first difficult and seemingly unnatural, he is a good contrast to Mirren’s Maria. Reynolds has moments where his trademark humor shines through and is at times matched by Mirren’s quick wit.

Ultimately, Mirren’s sophistica-tion and acting gravitas steamroll Reynolds, who tries desperately to convince the audience of his deeper ability as an actor. He only manages to keep his head above water—until the end, in which he persuasively deliv-ers a speech to the tribunal deciding the portrait’s fate that is worthy of an audience ovation.

Katie Holmes makes an effort to breathe life into her dead career as Reynolds’ wife, Pam. But Holmes’ character only serves to be a doormat and her performance is forgettable. Conversely, Daniel Brühl’s stellar per-formance as Austrian journalist Hu-bertus Czernin, who aids Maria and Randol during their visits to Vienna, places him a few notches above Reyn-olds, who admits toward the end of the movie, “We could not have done this without you.” Indeed.

Watching both Maria and Randol evolve over the course of the legal battle to locate the thing that drives both of them to justice is an emo-tional journey worth taking.“Woman in Gold” will not go down in history alongside movies such “Schindler’s List” or “The Pianist,” but it is cer-tainly noteworthy as another remind-er of why we must never forget.

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Copyright © 2015 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0725

ACROSS1 Coin flip5 Nuremberg number9 Agent Emanuel12 ___ Chris Steak House14 “They went this way” sign15 Pops16 Farm refrain17 Novelist Pier ___ Pasolini18 Bother19 Opening of “Anna Kareni...” (TL;DR)22 “Kate & ___” (‘80s sitcom)23 Toxic condition24 Sports car protector25 Daybreak28 Prominent stretch29 Opening of “A Tale of Two Cit...” (TL;DR)35 Gravy dish36 They have a flower logo37 “Come right ___!”38 Opening of

“The Catcher in the R...” (TL;DR)43 Evergreen State sch.44 “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” character45 Bro’s sib46 Remove, like a rind49 Gp. that awards the Oscars51 Opening of “Moby-D...” (TL;D... wait, I think I got the whole thing!)55 Keats offering56 Concern57 Was told60 Vardalos or Long61 Students take them62 Impressive lineup63 DC ballplayer64 Sitcom starring Sonny Shroyer65 “Auld Lang ___”

DOWN1 Three, in Turin2 Arles agreement

3 Take off slyly4 Shameless salesperson5 Get ___ on the knuckles6 Trim the borders of7 Francis I’s jurisdiction8 Some sweet deals9 #2 of 4410 Spokes11 Winners of a certain show13 Pool side14 Shrink’s org.20 Spiciness21 “This Is 40” director Judd22 Trump’s “The ___ the Deal”24 Netanyahu nickname26 “This is an awesome ride!”27 Country hit by a recent earthquake30 “Don’t forget to bring ___!” (“South Park” catchphrase)

31 “American Hustle” actor32 Paid periodically33 Last word of some films34 Explosive materials39 Offer from a sharing friend40 Makes a decision about, in court41 “Kinsey” star Neeson42 Company that makes motorcycles, guitars, and snowmobiles46 Home of the Huskies47 Gymnastics great Comaneci48 Crease50 Jury members52 What a colon may mean53 Takes to court54 Guys58 Operated, as machinery59 Turn purple, perhaps

Jonesin’ Crossword MATT jONES Free Will Astrology ROB BREzSNy

AriES (March 21-April 19): Chris Moneymaker was employed as an accountant in Tennessee. On a whim, he paid $39 to enter an on-line poker tournament. Although he knew a lot about the game, he had never competed professional-ly. Nevertheless, he won the tour-nament. As his award, he received no money, but rather an invitation to participate in the annual World Series of Poker in Las Vegas. Can you guess the storybook ending? The rookie triumphed over 838 pros, taking home $2.5 million. I don’t foresee anything quite as spectacular for you, Aries, but there may be similar elements in your saga. For example, a mod-est investment on your part could make you eligible for a chance to earn much more. Here’s another possible pot twist: You could gen-erate luck for yourself by ramping up a skill that has until now been a hobby.

TAUrUS (April 20-May 20): eBay is a multi-billion-dollar e-commerce business that has been around for almost 20 years. But it had an inauspicious beginning. The first item ever sold on the service was a broken laser pointer. Even though the laser pointer didn’t work, and the seller in-formed the buyer it didn’t work, it brought in $14.83. This story might be a useful metaphor for your imminent future, Taurus. While I have faith in the vigor of the long-term trends you are or will soon be setting in motion, your initial steps may be a bit iffy.

GEMiNi (May 21-June 20): Po-etically speaking, it’s time to pu-rify your world of all insanities, profanities, and inanities. It’s a perfect moment for that once-in-a-blue-moon Scour-a-Thon, when you have a mandate to purge all clunkiness, junkiness, and gunki-ness from your midst. And as you flush away the unease of your hy-pocrisies and discrepancies, as you dispense with any tendency you might have to make way too much sense, remember that evil is aller-gic to laughter. Humor is one of the most effective psychospiritual cleansers ever.

CANCEr (June 21-July 22): I was in the checkout line at Whole Foods. The shopper ahead me had piled her groceries on the con-veyor belt, and it was her turn to be rung up. “How are you doing?” she said cheerfully to the cashier, a crabby-looking hipster whom I happened to know is a Cancerian poet and lead singer in a local rock band. “Oh, I am living my dream,” he replied. I guessed he was being sarcastic, although I didn’t know for sure. In any case, I had a flash of intuition that his answer should be your mantra in the coming weeks. It’s time to redouble your commit-ment to living your dream! Say it 20 times in a row right now: “I am living my dream.”

lEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As I awoke this morning, I remembered the dream I’d just had. In the dream, I had written a horoscope for you. Here’s what it said: “The Ken-tucky Derby is a famous horse race that takes place on the first Satur-day of every May. It’s called ‘The Run for the Roses’ because one of the prizes that goes to the winning horse and jockey is a garland of 554 roses. I suspect that your life may soon bring you an odd treasure like that, Leo. Will it be a good thing, or too much of a good thing? Will it be useful or just kind of weird? Beautiful or a bit ridiculous? The answers to those questions may depend in part on your willingness to adjust your expectations.”

VirGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t calm down. Don’t retreat into your sanctuary and relax into protec-tive comfort. If you have faith and remain committed to the messy experiment you have stirred up, the stress and agitation you’re dealing with will ripen into vital-ity and excitement. I’m not exag-gerating, my dear explorer. You’re on the verge of tapping into the catalytic beauty and rejuvenating truth that lurk beneath the frustra-tion. You’re close to unlocking the deeper ambitions that are trapped inside the surface-level wishes.

liBrA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Ameri-can author Stephen Crane wrote his celebrated Civil War novel The Red Badge of Courage in ten days. Composer George Frideric Handel polished off his famous oratorio Messiah in a mere 24 days, and Russian writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky produced his novel The Gambler in 16 days. On the other hand, Junot Díaz, who won a Pulitzer Prize for his novel The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, needed ten years to finish it. As for you, Libra, I think this is—and should be!—a phase more like Díaz’s than the other three cre-ators’. Go slowly. Be super extra thorough. What you’re working on can’t be rushed.

SCOrpiO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In her book A Natural History of the Senses, Diane Ackerman describes a medieval knight who asked his lady for a strand of her pubic hair: a symbol of her life force. The lady agreed. He placed the talisman in a locket that he wore around his neck, confident that it would protect him and con-secrate him in the course of the rough adventures ahead. I recom-mend that you consider a similar tack in the coming weeks, Scorpio. As you head toward your turning point, arm yourself with a per-sonal blessing from someone you love. Success is most likely if you tincture your fierce determination with magical tenderness.

SAGiTTAriUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “An escalator can never break,” mused comedian Mitch

Hedberg. “It can only become stairs. You should never see an ‘Es-calator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Is Temporarily Stairs.’” I think a similar principle applies to you, Sagittarius. If we were to try to evaluate your cur-rent situation with conventional wisdom, we might say that part of your usual array of capacities is not functioning at its usual level. But if we adopted a perspective like Hedberg’s, we could rightly say that this part of you is simply serv-ing its purpose in a different way.

CApriCOrN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I’ve got a tough assignment for you. It won’t be easy, but I think you’re ready to do a good job. Here it is: Learn to be totally at home with your body. Figure out what you need to do to feel un-conditional love for your physical form. To get started on this noble and sacred task, practice feeling compassion for your so-called imperfections. I also suggest you cast a love spell on yourself every night, using a red candle, a mirror, and your favorite creamy bever-age. It may also help to go down to the playground and swing on the swings, make loud animal sounds, or engage in unusually uninhibited sex. Do you have any other ideas?

AQUAriUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When Aquarian media mogul Oprah Winfrey was born, “Oprah” was not what she was called. Her birth certificate says she is “Or-pah,” a name her aunt borrowed from a character who appears in the biblical Book of Ruth. As Oprah grew up, her friends and relatives had trouble pronounc-ing “Orpah,” and often turned it into “Oprah.” The distorted form eventually stuck. But if I were her, I would consider revisiting that old twist sometime soon, maybe even restoring “Orpah.” For you Aquarians, it’s a favorable time to investigate original inten-tions or explore primal meanings or play around with the earliest archetypes.

piSCES (Feb. 19-March 20): What I propose is that you scan your memories and identify ev-eryone who has ever tried to limit your options or dampen your en-thusiasm or crush your freedom. Take a piece of paper and write down a list of the times someone insinuated that you will forever be stuck in a shrunken possibility, or made a prediction about what you will supposedly never be ca-pable of, or said you had a prob-lem that was permanently beyond your ability to solve. Once you’ve compiled all the constricting ideas about yourself that other people have tried to saddle you with, burn that piece of paper and de-clare yourself exempt from their curses. In the days after you do this ritual, all of life will conspire with you to expand your freedom.

“TL;DR”—I couldn’t get past the beginning.


When officer Alexander D. Teach is not pa-trolling our fair city on the heels of the crimi-nal element, he spends his spare time volun-teering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

“The Baltimore Riots.” The month of April: Three

hundred African-Americans gathered peacefully down-town around noon for a me-morial service, which lasted until 2 p.m. without inci-dent.

More and more people began to gather after the service, and soon a crowd formed in East Baltimore...and by 5 p.m., some windows began being smashed on Gay Street. Po-lice began to move in.

People began to report fires after 6 p.m.; soon after, the city declared an 11 p.m. cur-few and called in 6,000 troops from the National Guard. Sales of alcohol and firearms were immediately banned. The crowd by now had grown to at least a thousand people.

Around 8 p.m., Governor Spiro T. Agnew declared a state of emergency.

By the next morning, re-ports to the White House de-scribed five deaths, 300 fires, and 404 arrests and riot-ing had now spread to West Baltimore as well. And to make matters worse, a mob of white counter-rioters as-sembled near Baltimore’s Patterson Park; they dis-persed after National Guard troops prevented them from entering a black neighbor-hood.

Before it was over, 10,956 federal troops had been de-ployed, six were killed, 700 were injured, 1,200 fires were lit, 5,800 arrests were made

and 1,000 small businesses destroyed or robbed.

All of that was caused by anger over the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on April 4, 1968.

The riots of 2015? Ask s o m e b o d y. A n y b o d y . “ S o m e o n e died in police

custody” is as far as most get in their in-depth response, because they don’t really know what caused the death, only that they’re upset about it, and what more do you need? It’s Showtime.

Irrational acts, I get. Mob mentality? Same thing. But the people justifying it? Stat-ing that “the burning of a CVS is offensive, but the murder of black men at the hands of police is not somehow, so therefore they deserve to riot to prove a point”?

The small business owners and citizens should exempt these people from their oth-erwise-expected civic duty to not burn and pillage ev-erything in sight? And my fa-vorite: “These aren’t rioters, these are protesters”?

Please. Whether you like it or not, sometimes a protest is just a riot camouflaged in self-righteousness. It might not start that way, and the actors themselves might not think that it is…but in this case, a cigar is a freakin’ cigar, folks.

No matter how you want to paint it or promote it, ri-oting, burning and randomly assaulting people isn’t the

answer to anything except a brutal response by the ma-jority of people who have an expectation of not living in an impulse-dominated war zone.

None of the lawlessness taking place is part of some romantic notion of “anar-chy” being utilized to restore balance. No. It’s just burn-ing and hurting people. And that’s the key: No matter how “right” you think you are, people are getting hurt.

The credibility of those supporting these actions looks exactly like the remains of the burned-out cars of hardworking people and ru-ined small business owners’ smoldering storefronts. You sided with lawlessness, with hypocrisy, with madness. You’re wrong.

This isn’t the way to the change you’re looking for. This is the way to justify an even harder fist than the one you blamed initially as part of an agenda, or part of a lesson in extreme short-sightedness.

Property values in Fergu-son, Missouri have plummet-ed 47 percent since the “jus-tified” riots (naturally caused by “outside agitators”) over Michael Brown. You know,

the one who didn’t have his “hands up.” Still justified?

This is not the way, people. The traffic cone in the car window? The Red Bull table thrown through the local bar window? Robbing the report-er telling your story?

You’re doing it wrong. (Again.)

And would you look at that! As I’m writing this, I see that the National Guard is ar-riving on scene in Baltimore. (Again.)

Good luck making the riot-ers’ behavior their fault next.

This is not the way. Prior failures, “lack of a voice,” whatever your excuse (for that’s exactly what it is), this…is not the way. You know it, so stop covering for it.

For the cops out there? Hold the line, ladies and gen-tlemen. The public thinks that line is a wall of silence, but you and I know what it really is: It’s that line you’re drawing now between order and chaos.

That is the Thin Blue Line.

Hold it steady. The 99 per-cent that aren’t giving in to every carnal criminal impulse will thank you for it, trust me.

There’s A Riot Going On

On The Beat

ALeX TeAch

Officer Alex remembers another violent time in Baltimore—and what it didn’t solve

“The credibility of those supporting these actions looks exactly like the remains of the burned-out cars of hardworking people and ruined small business owners’ smoldering storefronts.”

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The Pulse 12.18 » April 30, 2015