Upload
ashley-holt
View
219
Download
2
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
The College Disease GuideCreated by Scott Teigland
Resident Assistant at Carroll University
The College Disease GuideI have assembled a list of the most common
diseases I have noticed that are affecting college kids across the country. I have put together this list in hopes of helping to cure all of these diseases. My expertise as an RA has helped me to establish a list of the diseases, their symptoms, prevention, and treatment for all of the diseases mentioned. If you have any questions regarding these diseases please seek immediate assistance for clarification. I promise if your follow the prevention and treatment steps any symptoms you have will be cured!!!
Broke-Assness Symptoms
You can sit on your wallet and not know its there
Someone could steal your wallet and your only worry is losing a condom and picture of your grandma
Prevention Don’t exceed credit limits Always tell your mom you
love her Keep and eye on who is in
your room Treatment
Get you a J.O.B. so you can be I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.
Cut up you credit cards
The MunchiesSymptoms
Extreme fiscal loss to the nearest vending machine
Extreme hunger for weird foods EX: 3 bags of cheetos,
47 pizza rolls, 3 liters of soda
PreventionDon’t smoke illegal
substancesTreatment
Same as above
WFD (Wet Floor Disorder)Symptoms
All electronic devices no longer work
Dry bed is now water bed
Books are no longer readable
PreventionDon’t hang things from
the water pipesDon’t smoke in the room
TreatmentOne really LARGE bill
from housing departmentAll new personal
property paid for by YOU
Burglaritis Symptoms
Your stuff is no longer yours You see someone listening to
what used to be your IPOD Prevention
Lock your doors Don’t show off expensive
items Don’t lend out your keys Report lost keys
IMEDIATELY Treatment
Cry to your parents Call insurance agent Buy new stuff (expensive) Report to Public Safety(542-
7300)
“Stuck-Butt”Symptoms
Wet buttYou find yourself sitting
at a peculiar, lower position on the toilet
Public embarrassmentPrevention
Check to make sure the toilet seat is down
Put the seat back down if you are scared to pee at a urinal
TreatmentDry off your bottom
HangoverSymptoms
Memory lossHead acheDehydrationAwkward morningsVomit Loss of teeth
PreventionDON’T GET DRUNK
TreatmentSee above prevention
Drunkensia Symptoms
Slurred speech, stupid decisions, vomiting, incoherent speech, vomiting, not so stable balance, vomiting, puking, blow chunks, and random narcolepsy (see picture)
PreventionDON’T GET DRUNK
TreatmentSame as above
Sexually Transmitted DiseasesSymptoms
Burning urination, red bumps, green puss, warts in the wrong places
PreventionIf she looks nasty…
she’s nastyWear a condomJust say no to unsafe sexDon’t have intoxicated
sexTreatment
Seek medical assistance, some are curable by antibiotics
Anti-Academia Symptoms
Papers with and “F” at the top and your name isn’t Frank
Missing 8:00 classes Upset parents Academic probation Repeating classes
Prevention Don’t party more than you
study Treatment
Study a little each day, but take breaks
Get a tutor, go to the learning commons, seek the Walter Young Center
Study with friends in a group
Reverse Attentiveness Symptoms
Falling asleep in class Late night video game
sessions You know every song on
every Rock Band game You dream about C.O.D,
W.O.W, DDR or any other acronymed video game
Prevention Play video games as a
break from studying, don’t study as a break from video games
Treatment Destroy all video games
systems
“Bumpty”Symptoms
You look like what you did at 3 am when you were sleeping
PJs in the class room Unbrushed hair or teeth
Prevention Have friends who care
about you Care about yourself
Treatment Pay close attention to the 3
S’s- s***, shower, and shave
Buy and tooth brush and use it
Wake up 15 minutes earlier
Cluelessness Symptoms
The only news anchors you know are Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
Your computer homepage is facebook
Your parents can know what you have done for the last 24 hours and they haven’t talked to you in 3 weeks
You have no classes before 8 am or after 2 pm or on Wednesday or Friday
You believe no one else in the world can text while driving better than you. Also, that no one else should be allowed to talk on the phone while driving, but you
Prevention There is none
Treatment Grow up and be boring