Thatcham septoct14 web

Issue 47: September-October 2014

Local Services forYou

TechFocus

TheBetter Life

Beer ofthe month

www.thatchamconnections.co.uk

Please mention Thatcham Connections when responding to advertisements2

19-21stFebruary

2015

by Victoria Wood

Kennet School, ThatchamTickets £10, from www.kats.org.ukBy arrangement with Phil Macintyre Entertainments,Original West End Musical Supervision & Dance Arrangements by Gareth Valentine

“A TIGHT TONGUE INCHEEK STORYLINE,CATCHY TUNES AND

CORKINGLY RUDELYRICS . A HIT!”

Independent on Sunday

19-21stby Victoria Woodby Victoria Wood

Kennet School, ThatchamTickets £10, from www.kats.org.uk

by Victoria Wood

If you’d like to bepart of the show, visitwww.kats.org.uk

[email protected] 0118 9886070 www.thatchamconnections.co.uk 3

‘Our aim is totry and connectlocal businessesto local people.’

Distribution

Thatcham Connections

Is a local independent magazine.We aim to think Local, BuyLocal and live Local.

It is delivered free to 8,300 homesand businesses in AshmoreGreen, Cold Ash, Curridge,Hermitage, Midgham,Thatcham,Woolhampton and Yattendon.

HowWeWork

We understand that the needs of asmall business are quite differentfrom those of a big company, andour advertising service is verymuch targeted at independentand local businesses. Fromadvert design to general advicewe are here to help you grow.

Technical & Legal Matters

Whilst every care has been taken toensure that the data in this magazineis accurate, the Publisher cannotaccept, and hereby disclaims,any liability to any party for lossor damage caused by errors oromissions resulting from negligence,accident or any other cause.

No part of this magazine may bereproduced, sorted in any retrievalsystem, or transmitted in any form- electronic, mechanical, recording,photocopying, or otherwise - withoutprior permission of the Publisher.

All in-house artwork and editorialpresented in this magazine remainsthe copyright of Ursula Aitken.

Contact Details

Ursula AitkenPublisher and Editor

Tel: 0118 [email protected]

www.thatcamconnections.co.uk

Welcome!

Dear Readers,

This issue comes to you as mysmall team celebrate producing yourMagazine in my absence in hospital!I have, however, kept a close eye onproceedings – and any errors andomissions are, of course, mine!

I know that you, like me, cannoteven begin to get the mind aroundthe fact that our next issue will coverChristmas!The reason I mention itat all is to remind you that, followingthe huge success of last year’sSamaritan’s Purse Shoebox Appeal(for overseas disadvantaged children)if you feel that once again you cansupport this wonderful project, perhaps,from now on empty shoeboxesmight be kept rather than binned!

And for businesses everywhere, thesemonths in the run-up to Christmas areoften the most active and demandingof the year, when so much can dependon the planning and preparationduring those four months. It can be atime when ‘getting things done’ candisplace ‘making plans for the future’– My OH often takes me to task fornot putting aside a few momentseach day to write down what needsto be done for NEXT year; who willbe the new customers who helpthe business to grow, what can beoffered to existing satisfied customersto remind them howmuch they arevalued - and to keep them in the fold.

Finally, please could you see page 63.We need one/two new distributorsfor the ColdAsh area and one alsoin theThatcham area.As I hope toincrease the distribution for ournext issue, I need your help!

A few months ahead - butsomething to which to note andlook forward - see page 2!

Codeword 16

TheBetterLife 18

Recipe 24

Book Review 26

ShortStory 28

TheLifeList 29

TechFocus 32-34

TeaandCoffee 36

GardeningFeature 38

The IslandofElba 44

Lifebegins 48

Quiz 49

Beerof theMonth 50

Trivia 51

Windfalls 52

CrypticCrossword 52

Childrens’Challenge 54

Poet’sCorner 55

Answers 56

HandyNumbers 60

Answers 61

Index 62

NEXT ISSUE - COVERING November, December and January 2015Copy - ready for print - deadline: Friday 17 October 2014 at the very latest.

Ursula Aitken



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Are you part of what is commonlyreferred to as the ‘traditional’ family unit -parents together bringing up thechildren? If so, you might be familiar withthe endless stream of minor and majordecisions you and your partner makeabout your children such as what schoolto send them to or who can get to theschool sports day? Some of these aremade on a daily basis whilst others willhave long term implications.

You probably work through any areas ofdifference and reach a mutuallyagreeable conclusion that is in the bestinterests of the children.

But what happens if parents separate? Inthe past decisions had to be made aboutwho would have ‘custody’ of the children.This meant that the parent who hadcustody effectively made all importantdecisions and the other parent largelybecame a visiting absent parent. The lawhas been evolving over time to bringabout change for separated parents, totry and bring greater equality in parenting

even after separation. In 1989 the law changedand the Children Act came into force. This putthe children at the centre of everything, theparamount consideration was the welfare of thechild.

The Children Act 1989 introduced the conceptsof residence orders, contact orders andparental responsibility. If at any time between1989 and April of this year, you had visited asolicitor to ask about the arrangements for yourchildren and asked about custody and accessyou would have been told that custody andaccess was no longer applicable and it wasnow about residence, contact and parentalresponsibility.

But on 22 April of this year there has beenanother huge change, The Children andFamilies Act 2014 came into force whichintroduced Child Arrangement Orders toreplace residence and contact orders, althoughparental responsibility lives on.

So if you are a separated parent what does thismean? Without being too technical, it puts evenmore emphasis on you as parents to makearrangements for your children yourselves. Tocreate parenting plans, to be creative aboutyour arrangements, and to do this betweenyourselves, or by going to mediation and/orgetting help from a solicitor, but avoiding,where possible, having to go to court. Whenyou reach an agreement you can turn it into aparenting plan, this can have a lot of detailsabout now and the future.

Ultimately, you need to be like the parentsdescribed in the first paragraph - keeping eachother informed, making minor and majordecisions together which are in the bestinterests of the children.

By Seona Myerscough, Partner in the FamilyTeam, Gardner Leaders solicitors. Contact01635 508080 or visit gardner-leader.co.uk

Gardner LeaderGardner LeaderGardner LeaderGardner LeaderWhat arrangements do you make for your children?

9


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What’s TheAlternative:ReflexologyOrigins and PrinciplesReflexology was practised inseveral ancient cultures, but it wasdeveloped into its modern form byan American, Eunice Ingham, whobased her method on Dr. WilliamFitzgerald’s ‘zone therapy’.Reflexology is based on the belief that variouspoints on the feet, lower leg, hands, face orears correspond with different areas of thebody, forming a ‘body map’ that can be used totreat the whole body; points corresponding toproblem areas will feel tender when massaged.Most practitioners work on the feet with theright foot corresponding to the right side of thebody and the left foot corresponding to the leftside. Reflexology is often used to treat stress,insomnia, headaches and hormonal or digestiveproblems’.

Having a ReflexologyTreatmentA treatment lasts around 45minutes. On the first visit, thereflexologist will discuss thepatient’s medical history. Patientsusually sit in a reclining chair fortreatment, and the reflexologistmay apply cream or powder beforemassaging their feet with firm,precise motions using the side andend of the thumb and sometimesthe fingers. It may feel a littleuncomfortable but should not cause

pain. Hand reflexology is equally effectivebut rarely used in the UK. Reflexologistsusually work on one foot or hand at a time, butmassage both hands/feet during the treatment.Efficacy and EvidenceReflexology is used to complement, not replace,conventional medicine but there is growingevidence that it may help with stress, pain,fatigue and depression. Research is not yetconclusive but these apparent benefits makereflexology a popular treatment for cancersymptoms.

By Alison RunhamSee page 31 - Happy Bean

We can be found on the A4, Just outside Thatcham, in the heart of the beautiful Berkshire countryside.

Extensive International Menu • Real Ales / Fine Wine

The Coach and HorsesBath Road, Midgham, Berkshire, RG7 5UX Tel: 01189 713384www.coachandhorsesmidgham.co.uk

Coach & HorsesGood food 6 days a week

The

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Air Conditioning


Each letter in this puzzle isrepresented by a numberbetween 1 and 26. Thecodes for three letters areshown. As you find theletters enter them in the boxbelow.

CODEWORD 15 19 10 23 13 25 20 19 15 18 25 24

19 22 20 17 2 25 15

11 5 21 2 2 9 2 18 2 20 8 11

21 6 16 2 15 10

L24 25 8

O23 20 25 2

O23 20 15 2 11

10 15 2 10 10 3

2 19 12 7 20 25 4 22 26 23 21

12 2 2 13 2 7

23 18 2 20 1 22 2 24 6 15 19 7

21 2 25 2 20 24

11 4 24 15 10 12 15 11 24 15 14 2

2 23 23 21 11 11 20

12 2 4 25 20 10 2 12 10 22 15 11

All Dogs Walked DailyAll Dogs Walked DailyAll Dogs Walked DailyProfessional Care andProfessional Care andProfessional Care andAttention at all timesAttention at all timesAttention at all times

Thornford RoadCrookham CommonNewbury RG19 8EL

Viewing welcome byappointment. For further

details please ring:

See page 56 for Answers


ComputerTroubleshooter• Internet and Email problems• Virus removal and clean up• Hardware/Software problems• Advice on updating• Broadband set up• Data recovery• Digital Photography• Jargon free lesson!

Whether you’re starting from scratch, justneeding a few pointers or your computer hasgot a mind of its own, I’m here to help.

Contact:Sarah Sladen 079793 [email protected]


Life Cycleby Derek Thompson

The BetterLife

When it was time to look intogreener modes of transportAnne was already two wheelsahead of me.”These wouldbe good,” she glanced overfrom the local paper, whichwould soon find its way intothe woodburner. I immediatelyfelt a sense of foreboding, as ifa new batch of chickens werealready winging their way tous. But no, it was somethingelse.

“Pedelecs,” she said. “That’sthe way to go.” I couldn’t seewhy we needed to cross aboating lake, but I was keento find out why. Pedelecs,she swiftly educated me, areelectrically assisted bicycles- perfect for those short tomedium journeys that do notmerit the car, and which mightotherwise tire me out. Evenbetter, these were used bikes- i.e. recycled - so they camewith doubly green credentials.Although why someone wouldwant to recycle an eco bikewas beyond me.

As is our way, once we’d beeninspired action swiftly followed.All it took was a fair chunkof money and a man with atrailer to deliver the goods,and we were soon the proud

owners of a pair of barely usedLafree Giant Twists. Asidefrom the fact that both bikeslook identical (although minedoesn’t have a wicker basketon the front), the Twists soonbecame a talking point in thevillage.

The downhill journey outis a little like a funfair ride,only with chaffinches andwoodpigeons instead ofskeletons and ghosts. It’s adifferent story coming backin, though, and it almostfeels like the birds gather inthe hedgerows to watch mepuffing up the 1 in 4 incline.The neighbours gather too,sometimes, with a now familiarlitany of questions.

1. No, the motor doesn’t do allthe work for you - only halfof it. Less, if you use it oneco mode.

2. Yes, our hill is very steep.That would be why I’msweating.

3. Yes, the bike is keeping mefit. That’s why my face isred and my legs ache.

4. No, I’d rather not fetchany shopping for you inmy dapper and roomypanniers, but thanks for

noticing them.

For the technically minded,the bike’s NiMH battery hasa range of about 20 miles, aslong as there aren’t too manyhills like ours. I commuteby bike now and I’m stillsurprised by how quickly Ican pull away at the lights,to the consternation of othercyclists. Motorists, pedestriansand horses are surprisedtoo, but that’s usually when Imeet them at the bend in thelane on the way home. It’s awonder I haven’t worn my bellout.

I only work in town threedays a week, so the batterygets a recharge at the sametime as my legs, unless wehead out for a jaunt along thecoast. Cycling is an instanttime machine. Suddenly I’m11 again, a bottle filled withsquash clipped to the frame,racing along for the joy of it.A child at a crossing recentlybroke this nostalgic reverie.She stared for a momentand asked, “Mummy, why isthat man riding a girl’s bike?”Despite all the bike’s greencredentials, my 11 year-oldself cringed. Well, until thelights changed anyway.

Bradley Wiggins I’m not.

THE BETTER LIFE


Quiet • Personal • Caring • Tailored

Your dog comes first!

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©Puzzlepress.co.uk

Word LadderChange one letter at a time (but not the position ofany letter) to make a new word - and move from theword at the top of the ladder to the word at the bottom,using the exact number of rungs provided.

W A R M

S E A SSee page 56 for Answers

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SPECIALISINGIN LIVE-IN CARE& CLEANINGSERVICES

Also operatingin the

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Care @ Home provides a range of social supportservices in the local area for adults living withintheir own homes and sheltered housing.Our service users require practical, domesticand personal care tasks,which are essentialto allow them to live with independenceand dignity in their own homes.

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Specialists in plumbing and heating. Weare registered to install and

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We offer many other maintenanceservices, including:

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We always offer free quotes for ourservices and free call outs.Call us now on 01635 826770

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24 7


Martin Newman is a mature50 plus tradesman withmany years experience in thebuilding and flooring trades.

He aims to providea reliable andprofessional propertymaintenance servicefor people of all ages.He covers Thatcham,Newbury andsurrounding areas.He offers a ‘pay as yougo’ service based on veryreasonable half hourlyrates, or fixed pricequotes for jobs of 8 hoursor more duration.

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THE MATUREHANDYMAN


6

Courgette QuicheServes 6 Ready in 1 hour 20 minutes, plus chilling

There’s an abundance of home grown

courgettes in the shops at the moment

– or you may have some growing

in your garden. Make the

most of them with

this tasty quiche

which can be

served warm

or cold.

Pastry:• 225g plain flour• 100g lightly salted butter,

chilled and cubed• 1 medium egg yolk

beaten

Filling:• 1 tbsp olive oil• 3 courgettes, 1 sliced

and 2 chopped• 2 shallots, peeled and

finely chopped• 75g mushrooms, thinly

sliced• 1 garlic clove, peeled and

crushed• 3 medium eggs• 150ml milk• 100ml crème fraiche• 50g mature Cheddar

cheese, finely grated• 1 tomato, thinly sliced• 2 tsp dried Italian mixed

herbs

TIP: Add a handful ofpine nuts when frying theshallots and mushroomsif liked or scatter somechopped walnuts over thefilling before baking.

To make the pastry, sift the flour into a large bowl. Add apinch of salt and the cubed butter and rub the butter intothe flour until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs.Add the egg yolk and 2-3 tbsp ice cold water and mixwith a round bladed knife until the mixture begins to sticktogether, adding a little more water, if needed. Gather themixture together with your hands and knead for just afew seconds on a lightly floured surface until just smooth.Wrap in cling film and chill in the fridge for 30 minutes.Preheat the oven to 200°C/180°C fan/gas 6. Place abaking sheet in the oven to heat up.Roll out the chilled pastry and use to line a 20cm roundmetal flan tin. Prick the pastry base all over with a forkand chill the in the fridge for 15 minutes. Line the pastrycase with baking paper and fill with baking beans thenbake blind on the hot baking sheet for 10-15 minutes.Remove the paper and beans and cook for a further 5minutes until the pastry is pale golden. Reduce the oventemperature to 180°C/160°C fan/gas 4.Meanwhile, prepare the filling. Heat half the oil in a largefrying pan and fry the courgette slices for 1-2 minutesuntil just beginning to soften. Remove with a slottedspoon and set aside on kitchen paper.Add the rest of the oil to the pan and fry the shallots,mushrooms and garlic for 5 minutes then add thechopped courgettes and fry for a further 1-2 minutes,stirring until just softened.Spoon the courgette and mushroom mixture into thepastry case. Beat together the eggs, milk, crème fraicheand Cheddar and season with salt and freshly groundblack pepper. Slowly pour into the pastry case over thecourgette mixture.Arrange the fried courgette slices and tomato slices ontop of the filling and sprinkle with the Italian mixed herbs.Bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes until the filling is setand golden. Serve warm or cold with salad.

7

RECIPE


Air Conditioning

Crookham SawmillsFencing Panels

preSSure treated

15 year guarantee againSt rot

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Bonkers: My Life in Laughs -Jennifer SaundersWe couldn’t talk about DawnFrench and then not includeJennifer Saunders’ memoir,Bonkers. A self-confessedprocrastinator, Saunders seemsto be under the impression it’s abit of a miracle she’s achievedanything. There’s never been alife plan she says, more a sort ofstumbling from one thing to thenext, but it seems to be workingfor her. The book follows herhaphazard working life alongsidefellow ‘bluffer’ French and is fullof their adventures together aswell as those had whilst workingon her own series such asAbsolutely Fabulous. Then ofcourse, there is her battle withcancer; again, not somethingshe had planned for. She doesn’tshy away from talking about thetough times and it seems thatlaughter really could be the bestmedicine.How to be a Woman - CaitlinMoranMoran’s definitive guide tobeing female will tell every Miss,Mrs and Ms everything we’resupposed to be doing as wetotter through life in toe-crushingheels , as well as raising all thequestions we’re not supposed toask, such as ‘do we really needto wax?’ and ‘should a senseof broodiness be in-built?’ It’sa laugh out loud book that willmake you feel better about yourold lady chin whiskers and yourinability to get on a trampolinepost kids. Billed as being ‘partmemoir, part rant’ this is a laugh-out-loud-funny book that willreassure the ‘fairer sex’ and

educate the male population,provided the blokes can get pastthe chapters on puberty.Bossypants - Tina FeyHollywood star Tina Fey has aunique ability to make us feellike she could be our best friend.In fact, she wouldn’t look out ofplace sat at your kitchen table,looking frazzled, glass of whitewine in hand, telling you abouther adventures into planning herdaughter’s Peter Pan-themedbirthday party. Bossypantsfollows Tina’s rise to fame fromjobbing stand-up comic, to writingsketches for Saturday NightLive. The woman whose SarahPalin impersonation is more well-known than, well, Sarah Palin isfunny, often painfully candid andincredibly self-deprecating, andyou can’t help but love her forthat. She gives the impressionof being a woman on the edge;juggling an amazing career withher family life, and dropping afew balls along the way.Dear Fatty - Dawn FrenchNational treasure Dawn Frenchhas had an amazing career asa funny girl and this memoir iswritten as a series of letters topeople who have influencedher life. Dear Fatty is a fantasticblend of honesty, poignancyand controversy, just like thecomedy actress herself. As onehalf of the nation’s best-lovedfemale comedy duo, French andSaunders, she and her partnerin crime redefined the roles ofwomen in entertainment. Withtheir sideways look at life thatstarted with performances inComic Strip they’ve sent up

pretty much everyone in theirhugely successful TV series.French tackles everything, fromher career to her father’s death,and not forgetting a nation’sobsession with her size. Abrilliant read.I Hate Everyone…Starting WithMe - Joan RiversThe queen of controversy andthe heeled assassin of the redcarpet, no one is safe fromthe acid-tongued Joan Rivers,including it seems, herself. TheNew York Times bestseller isa no holds barred rant abouteverything that gets on Joan’snerves; nothing is sacred,especially not ugly children.Rivers has made a career out ofmaking fun of people and this isa pretty hilarious rant. You mightwant to read it in small dosesthough, or face seeing the worldthrough very jaded glassesThat’s Another Story: TheAutobiography - Julie WaltersBeloved British star of both stageand screen, Julie Walters is aswell remembered for belting outAbba’s classics as she is forher turn as Mrs Overall in AcornAntiques. In her autobiographyshe chronicles her Irish Catholicupbringing in 1950s Birmingham,to her convent school, and hershort-lived career as a nurse,before she turned to acting.West End performances, Oscarnominations and those HarryPotter films then followed overthe next few decades. The bookreads just as you would expectit be like to have a chat anda cuppa with Walters: open,friendly, entertaining and moving.

Barbara Streisand may have been the ‘Funny Girl’ of thesilver screen, but some of these ladieshave been making audiences laughtheir Bridget Jones-style big pantsoff for years. We’ve put together aselection of books by funny women,for funny women, or just women ingeneral…or men who want to talkabout problems with hair in unwantedplaces, and how to walk in high heels.

Funny GirlsBOOK REVIEW


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I am getting married. This year.To a woman. Things are beingset in motion, heads of steamare building, snowballs arerolling, rabbits are running. Youget the picture. Sarah and I(or is it me and Sarah? I neverknow) met when we were oldenough to know better, and fellin love anyway.But what started as a “bitof a do” has morphed intosomething much, much bigger.Where to start? Shoes, let’sstart with the shoes. What isit about shoes and women?I have a pair of black shinyloafers for work. In fact I havethree pairs. I also have a pairof brown slip-ons that I stepinto to go for the milk andthe paper. The back of themare squashed down becausesometimes I can’t be botheredputting them on properly ifI’m say, just putting the binsout. The trainers I wear to gothe gym are so tatty I thinkeven the tramp in the precinctwould turn his nose up atthem. What I’m saying is thatthe look I strive for daily isshabby chic. Ok, just shabbythen.But as I recently discovered,shoes for women are acompletely different kettle of

battered cod altogether.If weddings send womenfunny, then wedding shoessend them to planet GigglyGirly. Because I wantedSarah’s day to be special,I needed to make sure thateverything was perfect fromthe ground up.So we toddle off intoManchester. Ok, so howdifficult can it be? You can’tbloomin’ move for shoeshops. We wouldn’t be longsurely? Sarah had a springin her step as we marcheddeterminedly past Clarks,Footlocker and all the othershoe wear emporiums that Ihave never seen the insideof. Then we stopped outsidea posh looking outlet calledSelfridges. After dodgingthe scary looking perfumesprayers prowling the make-updepartment, we arrived at theshoe concession, where wewere suddenly surrounded bygorgeousness.Casually, I turned over one ofthe stilettoes. Oh, I thoughtto myself, that must be aEuropean size….495. I put myglasses on – 495 quid!? Theroom started to spin. I lookedup to see Sarah deep in

conversation with a handsomeyoung man who was holdingup a pair of sparkly shoes sodelicate and strappy that theywere almost invisible to thenaked eye. Usually, if I seeSarah giggling and smilingwith a good looking guy I getjealous. But when he stood upand did a little twirl of delight, Ibegan to relax.I sat down next to a misty eyedSarah who held up a shinypink box and said, “Darling,these are the ones.”Do you remember the scene atthe end of Pulp Fiction whenTim Roth opens the briefcaseand a golden light shines out?A similar thing happened inSelfridges. The lid fell awayand there they were, layingtogether like two perfectsparkly poodles.“Hello Tom, we are the Choo

twins. My name is Jimmy andthis is my brother - he’s calledJimmy Choo!”Sarah tried them on. Shewalked up and down, they didlook amazing on her.“Can I have them, please?”“If it’s what you want darling,you can have them.”Sarah hugged me tight. She

AndAnotherThing

by Tom Hughes

FEATURE


broke away, I saw tears inher eyes. The handsome guywho sold them to her lookedlike he was about to sob withjoy. They were wrapped andtaken to the till where I handedover my card. And then, as thepretty girl keyed in the price, Istarted crying too.Ok, that was that. The painwas just about bearable. I hadsurvived. Or had I?Imagine a boxer against theropes, his gum shield is outand the towel is on the canvas.Do the punches stop landing?Not a bit of it.“Tom darling, this is the bagthat goes with the shoes, isn’tit lovely?”“Where? Where is this bag?”“Here, here in my hand.”“Where in your hand?”“Over here, next to my thumb.”

“Oh that? And how –““Three hundred quid.”“A bargain, I’ll take two.”“Don’t be funny.”My squashed down slip onsdidn’t come with a matchingflat cap. There isn’t a matchingpair of gloves to go with mycorduroy trousers. But maybeit’s just because I don’t do co-ordination. Not really what yourbride wants to hear when sheis planning a wedding, is it?To be honest, I always thoughtthat me and fashion werestrangers. That is until we

left the shoe concession andwent to choose my outfit. Thefabulous gentleman in themenswear department couldjust see me in a slim fittingHugo Boss. He picked outmy suit, stood me in front ofa full length mirror, turned toSarah and went ‘ooh’. Sarahjoined in,

“Ooh Tom, that looksabsolutely lovely on you, don’tyou think?”

“Do you know somethingSarah? I think I could get usedto this twirling business….”

Tom Hughes is a writer from the North ofEngland. Befuddled and bemused by themodern world, Tom, when he has nothingbetter to do (which is most of the time) likesto commit his musings to paper. Follow Tomand Sarah’s wedding at groomsdaybook.com

The Life ListNewTherapiesExperts generallyagree that lifelonglearning, as well asbeing the beginningof a tongue twister, helps keep the brainactive and the mind healthy. The only problem isthat not everyone wants to take up watercoloursor learn about archaeology. Alternative therapiesare proving popular, so maybe it’s time for somenew common-sense therapies?

Home-eopathy - Small amounts of decorating.New-trition - Food fads and so-called superfoods (ask a hungry person and they’ll tell youthat any food is super, even soup!).Councilling - Ringing to let the council knowthey’ve forgotten to empty your wheelie binagain.Sigh-cotherapy - Perfect for couples who need

to express disappointment one another.Jack-u-puncture - Changing a tyre. One of thefew car repairs you can do for yourself and whichdoesn’t require a computer diagnostic.Hip-no-therapy - Accepting that your joints aren’t

as flexible these days as they once were.Fill-osophy - The opposite of New-trition,where you eat what you want when you

want..Tie-Chi - Learning to tie a tie in under15 minutes. The advanced classes cover

bow ties and cummerbunds.Rakey Therapy - Tidying the leaves from thelawn and pottering around the garden.Coaching - Ferrying around family members andfriends. Also known as the designated driver.Yo-yoga - The opposite of Hip-no-therapy. Beingable to stretch, bend down and get back up againwithout the use of pulleys.

All these and more are available from theUniversity of Life. Class starts first thing tomorrowmorning - don’t be late!

© Derek Thompsonwww.alongthewritelines.blogspot.com


Nicola GibbsBSc Lic Ac MBAcC

T: 07887 991716E: [email protected]

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Winter’s double whammy of darkness and bad weather is enough to bringanybody down, so why not brighten the mood - and everything else- with some high-tech lighting? From lights that make your gadgets workin the dark to remote controlled candles and lights designed to cheer youup, there’s no shortage of gadget firms with very bright ideas.

TECH

SPEC

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Let there be lightThe arrival of LED(Light Emitting Diode)bulbs has transformedlighting. LEDs can bemade impossibly small,they use tiny amountsof energy comparedto their incandescentpredecessors and theylast for an extremely longtime - and because ofthat they’re absolutelyeverywhere. Fancy readingyour Amazon Kindle in thedark? Amazon will happilysell you a (pricey) case witha pop-out LED light thatdraws its power from youre-reader. Prefer a fan thatcreates concentric colouredrings as it spins? Search for“Mini LED Fan” and you’llfind lots. Require a torchthat doubles as a SwissArmy Knife and fits in yourpurse or wallet?Allow us tointroduce theVictorinox REDSwiss Card Lite(pictured here),although youshould probablyleave that one at homeif you’re planning to gothrough airport security.

LEDs can deliver seriousbenefits too. If you havedown-lighters in yourhome, replacing the bulbswith LEDs will slash yourelectricity bills - althoughyou’ll notice a dramaticdifference in the wayyour room looks, becauseLEDs tend to give out avery white light compared

to the yellowish glow ofincandescent or halogenbulbs; if you have abike, accessoriessuch as the Nite IzeSpokelit bike lightmakes you easierto see by turningyour wheel intoa glowing greencircle. You’ll find LEDgadgets in all kinds of bikeaccessories: not just bikelights, but also helmet lightsand task lights for urgentrepair jobs.

Some LED gadgets are juststrange. The DrivemocionLED car sign enables youto broadcast messages toother drivers, with a choiceof smiling and winkingfaces, THANKS, BACKOFF or SORRY. You can’t

customise it to displayyour own messages,although that’sprobably for thebest. You can alsobuy LED-powered,

remote controlledcandles (pictured

below), which embeda flickering LED inside areal wax candle to deliver asurprisingly lifelike glow.The remote controlenables you toadjust the LED’sbrightness, toswitch betweenflickering lightand a continuousglow, and to enablethe timer mode thatswitches the candles offafter four or eight hours.

If the winter months bringyou down, a SAD lamp

might help. Designedto address SeasonalAffective Disorder,LED SAD Lampsstart at around£50 and deliverbright summer-style light, which

numerous studiessuggest can lift the moodof people who are perfectlycheery in Spring andSummer but find theirmood changing with theseasons. Not all SAD lampsare created equal, however,so it may be worth readingreviews on sites such aslighttherapyreviews.co.ukto find out which lamp bestsuits your need.

LED bulbs are beginningto appear in reading lampstoo, with clip-on desklamps costing around £15and anglepoise-style onesranging from under £20 towell over £300 dependingon where you shop andwhether you want anexpensive designer oneor a cheap and cheerfulplastic job. Whether yougo for a little light that

attaches to your book oran enormous metalfree-standing lamp,you’ll find that LEDsare particularly goodfor reading: the crispwhite light from LED

bulbs delivers excellentcontrast, which is ideal

for reading black text on alight background.

Images: Top - Litebook Elite S.A.D. light ; Middle - Victorinox Swiss Card Lite;Bottom: Mooncandles LED candles

TECHNOLOGY FOCUS


With summer a rapidly fadingmemory it’s likely that you’vehad the central heating onfor weeks or even months.With energy prices constantlyincreasing, a few simple bits ofkit can make a huge differenceto your outgoings.One of the simplest changesyou can make is to replaceyour boiler’s old timer with amodern digital programmer,such as Siemens’ RWB29. This£45 device enables you to setdifferent times for weekdaysand weekends, and you can setthree different heating times perday. Installing it and any similarprogrammer isn’t a particularlydifficult job and the extra controlit offers can help reduce yourheating bills.Another option is to invest inthermostatic radiator valves,or TRVs for short. With pricesstarting at around £7, TRVs aresimple to fit and enable you toset different temperatures indifferent rooms, so for exampleyou might set the bedroomsto be several degrees coolerthan the living room. You caneven get digital ones such asthe Terrier i-temp i30, whichenables you to set up to 6different temperature settingsper day - handy if the room’stemperature is subject to

outside factors such as lateafternoon sunshine.For many of us our heatingsystems are fairly low tech, butthat’s changing with the arrivalof systems such as BritishGas’s Hive. Hive connects yourboiler to your broadband, andthat means you can control itwith a smartphone app. Youmight override the heatingsettings because you’re cominghome later than expected, keepan eye on your daily energyuse, or just show off by turningthe heating on and off whenyou’re at work. British Gasreckons that the £199 Hivewill pay for itself very quickly,offering savings of up to £150 ayear on your energy bills, andit’s compatible with 99% of theUK’s gas boilers.One of the most advancedhome energy gadgets is theNest learning thermostat, whichis now owned by Google.The £249 device isn’t just agood looking thermostat; it’sa computer that learns youreveryday activities and sets theheating to suit - and it knowswhen you’re out, lowering theheating accordingly. Onceagain the big selling point hereis reduced energy bills, andNest has proved so successfulat doing that in America that

some US energy companiesare giving them away freeto their customers to helpkeep their bills down (and thecustomers loyal).A thermostat is hardly the mostexciting sounding gadget, butNest has big ideas: Googlehas teamed up with the likesof Mercedes-Benz and fitnessgadget maker Jawbone, remotecontrol firm Logitech andgarage door firm Chamberlainto make Nest compatible withtheir products. A Mercedes carknows what time you’ll be homeand can alert the thermostataccordingly; a Jawbone fitnesstracker can tell when you’rewaking up and can turn theheating up automatically; all-in-one remotes can get all yourentertainment gadgets readyfor a movie while dropping thetemperature to make the thrillereven more chilling. It won’tbe long before Google addsvoice control to the mix, and it’sclear that it sees Nest as thecentre of a much wider homeautomation system. It’s hot stuffalready!

By Gary Marshall

Some Like It HotTechnology taking the expense out of heating your home

Images left to right:British GasHive smart thermostat; HoneywellHomexpert replacement heatingprogrammer; Nest learningthermostat; Thermostatic radiatorvalve


Apple is due to launch thelatest, greatest iPhonethis September along withiOS 8, the latest version ofits smartphone and tabletsoftware. The phone will havea bigger screen and a bettercamera, but one thing won’tchange: like all Apple gadgets,it won’t be cheap.Apple isn’t the only gamein town, though. Google’sAndroid system has beenupdated too, and Androidphones and tablets from thelikes of Samsung, HTC, LGand Sony are often just aspretty and just as powerful asanything Apple makes - andin many cases they’re a goodbit cheaper too. Android isn’tquite as simple or as elegantas Apple’s iOS, but there’snot much in it - and whereApple only makes a handful ofdevices, with Android there aredozens of phones and tabletsto choose from.Unless you’re a big Apple fanthen, is Android the smarterchoice? Unfortunately it’s a bitmore complicated than that.Apple and Google don’t justwant to be your friend whenyou buy a phone or a tablet.They want to be part of yourentire life. They want to be the

companies you from whomyou buy your music, movies,TV programmes and books,the companies who provideyour in-car entertainmentand navigation systems, thecompanies who handle all yourmessages, voice and videocalls, the companies whoconnect all of the appliances inyour home and who track yourhealth and fitness.By the end of this year bothfirms will have smart watchesor wristbands that monitoryour vital signs, set-top boxesthat stream music and videoto your TV, software thatconnects to cars from the likesof Volvo, Nissan, Audi andMercedes, music and moviestreaming services and homeautomation systems - andthat’s just the stuff we knowabout.This means you need toconsider the bigger picture. It’snot just about the particularphone or tablet you want tobuy, but what techy types callthe ecosystem: the variousthings that the phone or tabletconnects to and gets contentfrom. For example, if youfancy Apple’s clever Apple TVsystem, you won’t get the bestfrom it unless you also have anApple phone or tablet; if you

want to use an Android smartwatch, it’ll work best with anAndroid phone; if you’re a fanof iTunes Match you can’t useit on Android, and so on.Consider what your friends,family and colleagues use.Apple’s iMessage offers freeSMS and MMS messages (andsoon, voice messages too), butonly to other iMessage users- and iMessage isn’t availableon Android. FaceTimeoffers free video calling, butit can’t call Android users(although Google’s alternative,Hangouts, does work on Appledevices. As a rule of thumbGoogle services work on Applekit but not vice-versa.Increasingly, then, choosinga phone or tablet is morelike picking a football team tosupport or voting for a politicalparty: the available choices alldo essentially the same thing,but they do it in very differentways - and your choice mightcolour your life for many yearsto come.

Pick A Side: Apple or Android?Is Apple where it’s at, or are Android gadgets better buys?

Images left to right: Apple familysharing only works on Apple devices,Both Apple (pictured) and Googlehave TV set-top boxes, Car firmsare embracing smartphone tech:this is Apple CarPlay, Fancy a smartwatch? Android ones work best withAndroid phones.


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Tea and Coffee:The Good andthe Bad

By Alison Runhamwww.alison.runham.co.uk

We meet up for coffee; invitefriends for a cuppa. But arethese drinks friends or foes?CaffeineThe good: Caffeine increasesour alertness, and maytemporarily sharpen ourcognitive abilities. Substantialresearch suggests that coffeeand tea drinkers are less likelyto develop Parkinson’s disease,most likely due to caffeine, whichmay also help with symptoms.The bad: Caffeine can raiseblood pressure and adrenalinelevels. It can also relax pelvicmuscles, making you urinatemore frequently. High levels maybe linked to low birth weight ormiscarriage.The truth: Maximum protectionagainst Parkinson’s diseaseseems to come from just threecups of tea or coffee daily. Whilelab results seem promising,there’s no definitive evidencelinking tea and coffee drinkingwith reduced Alzheimer’s risk.Our bodies can becomeaccustomed to caffeine. Withoutit we can become tired, irritable,headachy and even shaky andnauseous. So how much is toomuch? Recommended limitsaverage at 400-600mg perday and just 200mg if you’repregnant.• cup of green tea: 40mg• cup of normal tea: 70mg• mug of instant coffee: 100mg• filter coffee: 150mg• average latte: 150mg• large Americano: 200mg

Don’t forget other caffeinesources too: energy drinks,chocolate and some painkillersand fizzy drinks.AntioxidantsThe good: Antioxidants mop upfree radicals which can damageour cells. We all know green teacontains antioxidants, but sodo black tea and coffee - just atlower levels.The bad: It’s unclear howmuch we benefit from theseantioxidants once our bodyhas processed our cuppa. Butactive compounds in greentea are being used in researchwith nanotherapeutics – thedevelopment of microscopiccompounds that escapeprocessing to find and targetdiseases, including cancer.The truth: Many foods containantioxidants, often at higherlevels than tea and coffee, sothere are better sources.Diabetes prevention andmanagementThe good: Some evidencesuggests that moderate amountsof coffee or tea, drunk black orwith a little milk, may slightlyreduce your risk of DiabetesType 2.The bad: There’s also researchshowing that high coffee intakemay impair insulin resistance,making it harder to stabiliseblood sugar levels.The truth: You’re likely to seeboth theories in the media, butmore research that eliminatesother influential factors is needed.

Reducing stroke, coronaryheart disease risk andcholesterol levelsThe good: Some studiessuggest that drinking teaand coffee reduces stroke,coronary heart disease risk andcholesterol levels.The bad: Contradictoryevidence. One study foundhigh tea consumption, and lowand high coffee consumptionreduced stroke risk most,–moderate consumption made nodifference. Reported reductionsin cholesterol levels were small.The truth: Once again, moreresearch is needed to excludeother factors and study long-term effects.Liver healthThe good: Research suggestsmoderate consumers of coffeeand green tea are less likely tosuffer from NALD (non-alcoholicliver disease).The bad: High intake of greentea supplements has been linkedto liver damage, although it’s notclear whether green tea extractor another ingredient is guilty.The truth: Tea or coffee can’tprevent or reverse liver damageif you drink or smoke heavily.So moderation seems best.Three or four cups of tea orcoffee daily appear to givemaximum health benefits andminimum risk, and without milkor sugar they’ll be calorie free- but practically nutrition-free too,so drink fruit juices and dairy-based drinks as well.

FEATURE



Now you may have madeyour mind up to cut backon or even cut out some ofthose money consuminghobbies or pastimes, and youmay well be looking for waysto make your whole lifestylethat bit less expensive. Butbefore you even start toconsider giving the garden amiss, check-out my top tipsfor Credit-Crunch Gardening.• Apply for an allotment.

In some areas you mayhave to join a waiting list,in others you might beable to get started straightaway. An allotmentopens up a whole newopportunity to grow almostunlimited food at very littlecost, get exercise withoutpaying for the gym, andlearn a lot from yourneighbouring plot holders.

• Save seed from favouritegarden flowers andvegetables. If there aresome runner-beans thathave turned to cricket-bats, or your prettysummer border plantshave gone over, ratherthan just confining themto the bin, save the seed.Collect it when it hasn’tbeen raining, allow it todry completely away fromartificial heat, then storein old envelopes, labelledclearly.

• Gardeners are a verygenerous bunch, so don’tfeel embarrassed to ask,friends, neighbours, orfellow allotmenteers forcuttings or seedlingsof plants that you haveadmired. It is part of whatgardening is all about.

• Leafmould is free soilimprover. Choose softish,deciduous leaves for thebest leafmould, avoidleathery and tough leavesor those with very chunkymid-veins as they won’t rotdown so well. Just makea ‘cage’ from galvanisedwire with posts at thecorners or cram the leavesinto bin liners, puncture afew holes and you’ll makegreat leafmould.

• Make the most of everybit of fruit and veg thatyour garden or allotmentproduces. Make jams,chutnies, jellies and ofcourse bottle or freeze justabout anything else.

• Make your own wasp trap.Use a jam jar part filledwith stale jam, mixed withwater and topped withtin foil with a few holesin it made using a pencil.They’ll trap the wasps atvirtually no cost.

• Many local councilsoffer really good value

composters and compostbins so give them a calland see what they haveon offer. Better still, ifyou’re at all handy with thehammer and nails, createyour own from old palletsor floor boards.

• Fill a flowerbed with colourby sowing it with hardyannual seeds – some canbe collected from existingplants, others from packetseed, often at under £1per packet. Hardy annualflower seed is best sowneither in the autumn or inspring.

• Make your own plantsupports. Tree and shruband even large hedgeprunings can be reallyuseful as ‘pea-sticks’ tosupport not only gardenpeas, but also manyherbaceous perennialswhich otherwise do tend toflop over if left to their owndevices.

• Ask your local pub to giveyou any stale beer fromthe driptrays and use itas slug bait. Use an oldplastic beaker part filledwith beer and placed sothat the rim is about 1cmabove soil level in a slugand snail prone area.You’ll be amazed at howmany you catch.

Credit CrunchGardening

by Pippa Greenwood

See page 40

GARDENING FEATURE


before

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Before…muchpreparationis needed.

After…The photo’ssay it all!

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• Enjoy some wild food.Many garden plantsare edible, and so aremany of the weeds suchas dandelion. Blanchthem first to reduce thebitterness and they makea good addition to asalad. And don’t forgetthe old favourites such ashedgerow blackberries- great for crumble, stewedwith some apple or formaking into the breakfastdelight, bramble jelly.

• Many fruits sold in thesupermarket come insmart, clear-plastic trays,help the planet and saveyourself some money byusing these as miniatureseed trays. Some alreadyhave holes in the base fordrainage, other may needyou to make the holes.....and most even come witha clear plastic top, the

perfect mini propagatorlid to help to keep thecompost moist and allowthe seedlings that bit ofextra warmth.

• Growing your ownvegetables really can saveyou a packet. Right nowyou can order in seedfor crops, and onion setsand garlic for crops earlynext summer. Then earlyin the year start plantingpotatoes and sowing seed.

• Look after your gardentools. Store them in a dryshed or garage, wipe overany metal parts with anoily rag to keep rust atbay and they’ll last yearslonger.

• Invest in a few raspberrycanes. This has to be thebest money saving crop,as they are expensivein the shops. Once

established autumn fruitingvarieties yield heavy cropsand can give you ‘posh’fruit....for just pennies.

• The garden furniture isprobably the most costlyitem in your garden andstatistics show it’s whatgardeners spend mostmoney on replacing.Remove washable seat-pads and cushions first,wash and dry these andthen cover the furniture upor move it into a shed orgarage if possible.

Visit Pippa’s website www.pippagreenwood.com fora great range of gardeningproducts including Pippa’sfavourite weeder, Nemaslug,Nemasys caterpillar, slug,ant and other biologicalcontrols, Enviromesh &Envirofleece and lots morebesides.

Continued from page 38



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Barely an hour on the ferryacross the Piombino Channel,the Isle of Elba greets you withrugged mountains, range afterrange rising towards the bluesky, and a deeply indentedcoast laced with tingling sands,rocky coves and near-tropicalturquoise waters. The Romanscalled it ‘Ilva’, hence ‘Elba’,after the Ilvates, also knownas Ligurians, who had livedthere since ancient times andlong exploited the rich mineralseams.This is the largest island in theTuscan archipelago nationalpark but it’s just about sixteenmiles long and only twomiles across at its narrowestpoint, a secluded holidayhaven blessed by stunninglandscapes, popular withItalians in summer but peacefulin mid-season, whether youcome for the beach or preferto ramble in the hills. Thewest coast is wild, covered infragrant Mediterranean scrub,the north is lush and green,dotted with vineyards andchestnut groves, while the aridsun-baked south is the domainof cacti and palms. Over90% of the land is hills andmountains, largely forested,where wild orchids andlavender splash myriad coloursalongside spring cyclamens,

rock roses and strawberrytrees. Here and there, thesweet fragrance of honeysucklefills the air and fallow deer andmouflons bounce on the slopesat dusk.Elba’s highest point, MountCapanne can be reached on asteep trail or by cable car, wellworth the effort either way. Upthere at over 3000 feet, thepanorama stretches from thetiny string of Tuscan islands tothe mainland and from Corsicain clear weather to the whole ofElba where red-roofed villagesnestle in the greenery andmere ribbons of road meanderaround heavenly beaches andprecipitous cliffs.Far below on the northernshore, the lovely little resort ofMarciana is lined with umbrellapines and oleander while on thesouth coast, Marina di Campois all yachts and golden sandsglowing below the wooded hills.But Elba has a beach for everyday of the week and more, fromthe white sands of ProcchioBay to the luminous Rio Marinaon the east coast or the superbPorto Azzurro with its bustlingPiazza, flower-draped lanesand sulphur-rich lagoon lookingacross the deep blue inlet ofthe sea.Portoferraio, the capital, is onthe north coast, crouching lion-

like on a rocky peninsula juttingout to sea, its magnificentbay guarded by a forbiddingfortress. Sailing boats, yachtsand ferries mingle theirreflections in the harbourand the old town climbs upthe hill, green shutters andpink walls jostling along thealleyways among hibiscusand pomegranate trees. Thewalk along the ramparts isbreathtaking, cooled by thebreeze sweeping across thebay from the open sea.Portoferraio is a charmingplace, dotted with ice creamstalls, bakeries selling flatbread and honey cakes, alfresco restaurants for seafoodand fish and souvenir shopsbrimming with all things labelled‘Napoleon’, from T-shirts andmugs to the island’s springwater. There are quite a fewplaces connected to Napoleonbut most illustrious is the Villadi san Martino tucked in aleafy valley where the deposedemperor was ‘banished’,though allowed to live in regalstyle. He escaped less than ayear later and looking acrossthe landscaped gardens tothe blue waters of the Med.glistening in the distance, onewonders why he ever wanted toleave one of the most enticingislands in Tuscany.

The Islandof ElbaTuscany’s BestKept Secret

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Looking at my inbox, it’s awonder that I’m not in serioustrouble with a lot of people.“HM Revenue and Customs”emailed me several monthsago and asked me to gothrough my tax return- attached to the email - andreply immediately. I ignoredthem. Then I receivedtwo further emails, oneabout a tax rebate and oneconfessing to an “operationalerror” that meant I hadoverpaid my tax and was duea refund. I deleted them.It’s the same with my friends.They email me in crisis fromvarious holiday locationsin Fiji, Barcelona or Rio deJaneiro, but I turn my back ontheir desperate pleas for help:“We were mugged in an alleyby a gang of thugs on ourway back from shopping. Allour money, phones and credit

cards were stolen, including our jewellery. We’re financially strapped

and I’ll be grateful if I can get a loan of

£1,750.”“International bank

transactions take 7

working days

to be

effective and I can’t wait. Ineed you to help me with£2,550 to pay my hotel billsand get home.”All emails originate from myfriends’ actual addresses andare signed with heartbreakingmessages such as: “All hopeson you, Joanna” or “Our livesare in your hands, John.”After reading this, you’d bejustified in imagining meas an unscrupulous multi-millionaire – careless ofpersonal relationships andtoo rich to bother with a taxrebate. Let me put your mindat rest: all these emails havebeen sent by criminals tryingto get my money or steal myidentity (or both).It’s easy to laugh at the moreextreme examples – forinstance, when “the ChiefExecutive of Facebook”sends you an email thatincludes the immortal line:“You where picked by anAdvanced automated randomcomputer search from theFacebook in other to claimyour £1,000,000.00 GBP”, orwhen a strangely-colouredbank logo appears to havebeen pasted onto a standardemail document by a five-year-old.The generic term for theseattempts at online extortion is“phishing”, but if all fraudsters

were that easy to detect,there would be very littleinternet fraud. Unfortunatelymany internet “phishers” areconsiderably more skillful intheir approach.One recent scam uses a sign-in page that is identical to theone used by Google Driveto request your password.You’ll receive an innocent-looking email entitled“Documents” with a link thatwill take you to a page thatis identical in every way tothe one you use to accessyour Google Docs. Only themost eagle-eyed user wouldspot the fact that there aretell-tale typographical errorsin the drop-down menu inthe corner – a small mistakethe fraudsters failed to pickup and the only one thatsuggests something is wrongwith the page.We’re all so busy thesedays that it’s easy toassume the official-lookingcommunication that arrives inyour inbox is the real thing,but there are a few rules youcan follow to make sure thatyou don’t become a victim.1. Never respond to emails

requesting personalfinancial information.Reputable organisationsdon’t ask for passwordsor account details in an

Life BeginsToo Many Phish InThe Sea ...

by Kate McLelland

FEATURE


Creepy Crawlies1. What type of insects would you keep in a formicarium?2. The Colorado Beetle is particularly known for attacking which crop?3. Which insect has a two word name with the first word being named according

to the stance it typically adopts, and the second word being the Greek work for“fortune teller”?

4. The name of which insect comes from an old wives’ tale that it would burrowinto the brains of humans and lay eggs?

5. Insects have bodies that are split into three parts. The head and the abdomenare two of these, but what name is given to the third part that lies in betweenthese?

6. How many eyes do most spiders have?7. By what three word name is the crane fly commonly known in the UK?8. With a name derived from a Greek term meaning “stomach footed”, what is the

name given to the class of animals to which snails and slugs belong?9. What name is given to the fear of spiders?

10. Which traditonal Spanish song has a title that literally translates as“The Cockroach”?

Thatcham Connections Creepy Crawlies Quiz


email. Don’t be fooled bymessages such as “Urgent– your account details mayhave been stolen” or “Youraccount has been frozen”.

2. Always visit a bank’swebsite by typing thebank’s URL into theaddress barPhishers try to lure peopleto link to a fake site(“myonlinebank.co.uk”rather than the correctsite “myonlinebank.com”)by asking them to clickon a link in an email. It’salways safer to type in thebank’s address yourself.

3. Keep a regular check onyour online accounts.Make sure you check yourstatements frequently. Ifyou spot any suspicioustransactions, report themto the bank immediately.

4. Check that the website

you are visiting is asecure oneYou can tell that you aredealing with a secure siteif the start of the address“http://“ includes an “s” for“secure”, as in “https://“.You should also checkwhether a little lock iconappears on your browser’sstatus bar. These signsindicate that the site isusing encryption to hideyour data, but you shouldcontinue to exercisecaution - just becausea site uses encryption itdoesn’t guarantee that it’slegitimate.

5. Be careful with emailsand personal dataDon’t give away PINSor passwords or anypersonal information.Don’t ever write downyour passwords or usethe same password for

multiple accounts.6. Keep your computer

secure by setting up afirewall and installingand updating anti-virusprotection software.Don’t be tempted to opensuspicious-looking emails.

7. Report suspiciousactivityCrimestoppers has a sitewhere you can learn aboutdifferent types of fraudand find out how to reportthem: http://gameoffraud.crimestoppers-uk.org

These are general guidelinesbut remember that just astechnology continues todevelop and improve, so willthe skills of the phishers.That leaves you with onegolden rule: if an onlinecommunication arouses eventhe slightest suspicion, don’topen it.


Beer of theMonth

Summer’s lease, as the bardremarked, hath all too short astay; and as it’s now Septemberthe lease hath definitely expiredbecause this, officially, is the firstmonth of autumn. The days areshortening, the kids are back atschool or college or university,and the holiday in the sun is adistant memory. So, what beers tochoose?

Well, generally unsettled as September maybe it can still throw some surprises at you. Thehighest temperature ever recorded was 35.9C(in 1906, admittedly); but Septembers have beengetting warmer and drier since the beginningof the century, so there’s still every chance ofenjoying a final barbie before the covers go on.And to accompany the last burnt bangers andfrazzled franks of the year, you want a beer that’sstill summery but perhaps a bit more assertive,a bit more characterful, than the hot-weatherlagers you’ve been guzzling poolside in Marbellaor wherever. In short, you want to get your chopsround some hops.First up is Citra at 4.6% abv from Oakham Alesof Peterborough. It’s actually named after the hopvariety it’s brewed with which, being American, isbig on aroma but not too long on finish. It’s honey-coloured, with all sorts of tropical fruits explodingon the nose – lychee, mango, even a little citrus.The mouthfeel is rich and creamy but with enoughpetillance to add a bit of bite and although there’splenty of hop bitterness on the palate it doesn’tstay around all that long.Jaipur IPA from Thornbridge Brewery of Bakewell,Derbyshire, is a much tougher customerat 5.9% abv. It’s a modern reconstructionof the 19th-century India Pale Ales thatused to be hopped to the eyeballs to helpthem survive the long sea voyage to theeast, but it’s pretty malty too. The aromais a balance between sharp lemon andlime from the hops and grassy, grainymalt. The mouthfeel is rich, almostlike cream soda, while the palatemingles hay, cream, and intense hopbitterness. The finish is very long andbitter with a slight oiliness. Definitelyone to savour.

By Ted Bruning


1. Arbroath - In 1885, Arbroath beat Aberdeen Bon Accord 36-0 (an average ofone goal every 2� minutes) in a first round Scottish Cup match. Thirteen ofArbroath’s goals were scored by one player, John ‘Jocky’ Petrie.

2. Dundee - In 1997, Aberdeen’s Dean Windass received three red cards in onegame – originally sent off for a foul, he was given two further red cards forverbally abusing the referee and then throwing a corner flag into the crowd. Aberdeen went on tolose to Dundee 5-0, while Windass was given a six-match ban.

3. Inverness - In 1979, a second-round tie between Inverness Thistle FC and Falkirk was postponeda record twenty-nine times due to bad weather. Originally scheduled for January 9, the match finallytook place forty-four days later on February 22.

4. Hull - When half an hour of extra time failed to resolve a match between Hull and ManchesterUnited on August 5 1970, Britain’s first ever penalty shoot-out took place at Boothferry Park, HullCity’s former home ground. The first player to score in a penalty shoot-out was United’s GeorgeBest; the first to miss was Denis Law.

5. Loughborough - The 1899-1900 Football League Season saw Leicestershire’s LoughboroughTown FC win just 8 points, conceding 100 goals (including 12 to Arsenal in a single match) andlosing 27 of their 34 games (including all of their away games). Loughborough understandablyfailed to be re-elected to the League the following season and the side was disbanded in June1900.

© Taken from The British Isles: A Trivia Gazetteer by Paul Anthony Jones

Around BritainFootball

1. Dungeness, Kent - Named after French naturalist Jean Victoire Audouin,Audouin’s gull is one of the rarest seabirds in the world. They are usually foundaround the warm coasts of the Mediterranean, but in 2003 a sole bird wassighted at Dungeness in Kent.

2. Fair Isle, Shetland Islands - Due to its isolated location, Fair Isle – roughlyhalfway between Shetland and Orkney – is a notoriously fruitful site for spotting vagrant birds. Overthe years Britain’s first examples of an American kestrel, a Siberian ruby-throat and a Tennesseewarbler, all many miles from their native habitats, have been spotted there.

3. The Farne Islands, Northumberland - The only Aleutian tern ever recorded in Europe was spottedon the Farne Islands in 1979. The species takes its name from the Aleutian Islands in westernAlaska, and ordinarily the birds would never be encountered outside of the Pacific Ocean.

4. Lewis, Western Isles - In 2004, a purple martin – the largest species of swallow native to NorthAmerica – was recorded at the Butt of Lewis, the northernmost tip of the Outer Hebrides. Native tothe eastern and central United States, the martin usually winters in the Amazon basin.

5. Tiree, Argyll & Bute - Ordinarily the Ascension frigatebird is only found on Boatswainbird, a tinyislet off the coast of Ascension Island in the South Atlantic Ocean, which is itself around 1,000 milesfrom the coast of east Africa. In 1953, however, a young frigatebird was found on Tiree in the InnerHebrides, and it remains the only recorded sighting of this species in Europe.

© Taken from The British Isles: A Trivia Gazetteer by Paul Anthony Jones

Around Britain5 Non-Native Birds

TRIVIA - SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE


Short StoryWindfalls

“Ramsey!”, Mr Dreffle calledover the garden fence. “Mywife didn’t get a wink of sleeplast night”. Ramsey continueddigging up his potatoes; heknew all too well what this wasabout.The old apple tree that stoodon the border betweentheir properties had beendropping fruit on the Dreffles’conservatory all night.It had been a bumper crop.Ramsey was looking forwardto getting his press out. Hereckoned he’d have enoughcider to see him through untilNew Year.Since they’d moved in theDreffles had installed one afteranother of what they calledhome improvements. The backgarden had been dug up anddecked; all kinds of fountainsand tacky ornaments had beeninstalled, including a sevenfoot mock-Victorian wroughtiron lamppost, and of coursethe ugly conservatory. It wasas though the Dreffles haddeclared war on all greenery.“Something must be doneRamsey; we can’t go on likethis”. Dreffle’s face was flushed.“Those apples are going todamage our conservatory oneof these days”.“This old tree has been aroundlong before your conservatory,and it will be around long afterit’s taken down”. Ramseypatted the tree trunk. She wasa good old girl, produced lovelyfruit, and asked for very little inreturn.Dreffle’s wife, Sherrie, openedthe back door. Ramsey might

have known shewas behind this.She was the sortof person whofilled her hangingbaskets withplastic flowersso that theywouldn’t drip onher decking. Sherrie clutcheda metal object which flashed inthe sunlight. Ramsey didn’t likethe look of this.“That’s a nice looking axe”.Ramsey said, “Is it for trimmingyour toe nails with?”“He’s chopping the tree downonce and for all”, Sherrie saidplacing the weapon in herhusband’s sweaty hands. “I’vewarned you about that treeRamsey, it’s a menace”.The leaves of the apple treerustled in the breeze, and then,as though to sign its own deathwarrant, another apple ploppeddown onto the conservatoryroof with a sickening thump.“You’ll never chop it down withthat little thing”, Ramsey said,eyeing up the axe.“It’s drop forged carbon steel”,Dreffle boasted, “top of therange”.“Carbon steel eh?”. Ramseyadjusted his cap, “Is that thestuff even metal can’t blunt?”“That’s what they said in theshop”. Dreffle, practised aswing in the air.“You’ve been had”, Ramseychuckled, “I reckon metal wouldblunt that blade in a heartbeat”.“Not this blade”, Dreffle saidcrossly.“Go on then”, smiled Ramsey,

“prove it”.“Don’t you dare!” Sherriesnapped, as Dreffle swung theaxe at the wrought iron lamppost. It vibrated dully like abroken bell.“Not blunted it all”, Drefflegrinned, running his thumbalong the warm blade.A sharp crack of splinteringwood rippled through theplanks of the decking.The Dreffles leapt back asthe lamppost began to topple,pulling up the planks as it fell,almost elegantly, towards theconservatory.The sound of breakingglass reminded Ramseyof a spontaneous round ofapplause. Shards flew into theair like diamonds, and thenthe whole structure crumpledin on itself under the weightof the lamppost. Broken glassand twisted metal were all thatremained of the conservatory.When the air had settled, andthe Dreffles looked as thoughthey might be able to speakagain, the tree dropped onemore apple which landed ontop of the wreckage like acherry on a cake.Ramsey smiled to himself, andpicked up his spade.“The tree stays”, he said, andwent back to his digging.

By Jackie Brewster

FEATURE


Across1 Cars, vans and buses etc (7)5 Type of sailing boat (5)8 Enhance (7)9 Perfect (5)10 Severe (5)11 Playhouse (7)12 Reliable (6)14 Shovels (6)17 Extremely old (7)19 Endangered species (5)22 Tracks (5)23 Sportsman (7)24 Father (5)25 Female relations (7)

Down1 Works hard (5)2 Type of fruit (5)

QUICK CROSSWORD

3 Grimaced (7)4 Crates (6)5 Dagger (5)6 Given medical care (7)7 Assistants (7)12 Exchanged (7)

13 Elated (7)15 Throws (7)16 Used for drinking (6)18 Assignment (5)20 Waterfowl (5)21 Scottish dances (5)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8 9

10 11

12 13 14 15

16

17 18 19 20 21

22 23

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Seepage

56forAnsw

ers



CHILDRENS’ CHALLENGE


What Mum Always SaidI had jumped in the bath; I was lying in repose,When I noticed a spot on the end of my nose,It was big, it was shiny, so bulbous and red,And it didn’t comply with what Mum always said,She said “When you’re older, your spots disappear,You’ll be left with a skin that’s so perfectly clear”,But I’m now forty eight so that’s clearly not true,As the spot on my nose is now spoiling my view,I’m feeling concerned as this seems to suggestThat Mum got it wrong and she doesn’t Know Best‘Cos if she was right, in the things that she saidThen why have I spots growing out of my head?

©Jan Jack’s Perfect Verse 2011www.perfectverse.co.uk


NEWBURY,HUNGERFORD & HENLEYT: 01635 860959E: [email protected]: [email protected]: [email protected]: [email protected]: [email protected]

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I S T E R S

Answers to Quiz(Page 49)

1. Ants2. Potatoes3. The praying mantis4. Earwig5. The thorax6. Eight7. Daddy long legs8. Gastropods9. Arachnophobia10. La Cucaracha

Answers to Crossword (Page 53)

Answers to Codeword (Page 16) Answers toWordladder(Page 20)

Here is onepossible solution(others may exist)

WARMwarsbarsbatsbetssetsSEAS

Childrens Challenge (Page 54) Ben Nevis: True, True, True

PUZZLE ANSWERS


ALLENOVA SCHOOL OF DANCINGBALLET |TAP | JAZZ |MODERN |NATIONAL |DISCO

HIP HOPSTREETDANCE |ADULTCLASSES

Classes held in THATCHAM, NEWBURY, TILEHURST and READING

*NEW 'ELITE'DANCEWEARSHOPNOWOPEN*

Special Baby Classes (from 2½ years)Complete Dance, Drama and Singing Courses (on Saturday)

Examinations taken: RAD, ISTD, IDTAM, NATDPrincipal Miss Allen LRAD, ARAD, FISTD, PGC(A)

Dance Adjudicator for the British Federation and All England Dance CompetitionGraded examiner of the Royal Academy of Dance.

FREE TRIAL LESSONWhen you mention Thatcham Connections

Telephone: 01635 201701 or email: [email protected] www.allenova.co.ukto book your FREE TRIAL LESSON

Est.1985



See page 61See page 61


Handy NumbersEmergency Community Responders 0800 587 0207Police/Emergency Dial 999 or 112Thames Valley Police 101 British Gas Emergency 0800 111 999Thames Water Emergency 0845 9200 888Southern Electric Emergency 0845 770 8090Royal Berks Ambulance NHS 0118 9365500Royal Berks Fire & Rescue 0118 945 2888

Post OfficesCold Ash (last posting 4.20pm) 01635 588300Hermitage (last posting 4.30pm) 01637 200276Tesco, Northfield Road 01635 873251The Co-op, 54 The Broadway 01635 863223Woolhampton (Last posting 4.45pm) 0118 971 3729Yattendon (last posting 4pm) 01635 201236

SchoolsBrockhurst & Marlston 01635 200293Downe House School 01635 200286Elstree School 0118 971 3302Francis Baily 01635 862188Kennet 01635 862121Parsons Down Infant & Nursery 01635 862475Parsons Down Junior 01635 866700Spurcroft Primary 01635 871541St Finians Cold Ash 01635 865925St Marks Cold Ash 01635 862600Thatcham Park C of E 01635 870950Trinity 01635 41373Whitelands Park Primary 01635 862517Yattendon Primary School 01635 201397

Chemists

Boots, Thatcham 01635 864423 Medical PracticeLloyds Pharmacy, 01635 868538 Burdwood Ctre Lloyds Pharmacy, 01635 863334 Crown Mead Lloyds Pharmacy, 01635 869244 Kingsland Ctre

Supermarkets Tesco, Northfield Rd 0845 0269402

The Co-op (24 hrs) 01635 588300 at Texaco Garage

The Co-op Broadway 01635 865052

The Co-op Burdwood Centre 01635 869701

The Co-op Dunston Park 01635 865011

Waitrose, The Broadway 01635 868113

Yattendon Stores 01635 201236

Hospitals West Berkshire Community 01635 273300 Hospital (Minor Injuries Only)

Royal Berkshire Hospital, 0118 322 5111 Reading

Medical Practitioners Thatcham Medical Practice, 01635 867171 Bath Rd

Burdwood Surgery 01635 868006

Emergency Only 01635 866169

Out of Hours Doctor 0118 978 7811

Helping Services A.A. 0845 7697555

Cruse Bereavement Care 01635 523573

Newbury & District Cancer 01635 31542 Care Trust

Childline 0800 1111

PALS 0118 932 3799

Royal British Legion 01635 867621

RSPCA 08705 555999

Victim Support 0845 30 30 900

Library 01635 86604

Mon: 9.30-5.00 Tues: 9.30-7.00 Wed: NOT OPEN Thurs: 9.30-5.00 Fri: 9.30-7.00 Sat: 9.30-12.30

Citizens Advice Bureau

West Berks CAB, 01635 516605 at Thatcham Health Centre

Helpline for Carers 01635 864245

Client Advice Line 0844 4779980

Travel

Rail Enquiries 08457 484950

Newbury Buses 01635 567500

Other Important Numbers

B.T. Fault Line 0800 800 151

Fly Tipping, to report 01635 519080

KATS 08443 105040

Thatcham Connections 0118 9886070

Thatcham Photographic Club 01635 865516

Vet: O’Gormon Slater Main 01635 868382

DVLA Swansea 0300 7906801

Recycling

Hermitage Garden Centre, 01635 200 442 (glass, textiles, books)

Kingsland Centre Car-park adjacent to Waitrose (paper, glass, mixed plastics, textiles, cans)

Household Waste Recycling Centre (opposite St Gabriel’s School)

Term Dates 2014 - 2015• Term 1 - Wednesday 3rd September 2014 - Thursday 23rd October 2014 (Holiday: Friday 24h October 2013 - Monday 3rd November 2014)

• Term 2 - Tuesday 4th November 2014 - Friday 19th December 2014 (Holiday: Monday 22nd December 2013 - Friday 5th January 2015)

• Term 3 - Tuesday 6th January 2014 - Friday 13th February 2015(Holiday: Monday 16th February 2015 - Monday 20th February 2015)

• Term 4 - Monday 23rd February 2015 - Thursday 2nd April 2015 (Holiday: Friday 03rd April 2015 - Monday 20th April 2015)

• Term 5 - Tuesday 21st April 2015 - Friday 22nd May 2015 (Holiday: Monday 25h May 2014 - Friday 29th May 2015)

• Term 6 - Monday 1st June 2015 - Wednesday 22nd July 2015

In Service Day - Tuesday 2nd September 2014 will be an INSET DAY for all West Berkshire Schools


[email protected] 0118 9886070 www.thatchamconnections.co.uk [email protected] 0118 9886070 www.thatchamconnections.co.uk 61

Friendly, fully trained team

Flexible cleaning services(weekly, fortnightly, monthly)

Spring cleans, one-off blitzAll cleaning products &equipment provided

Your clean is fully insured &guaranteed

[email protected]

No time forhousework?We’ll clean yourhome to the

highest standard!


Accountant

Accountability 17

T.C. Accounting Services 8

Acupuncturist

Nicola Gibbs 30

Amateur Theatrical Society

KATS 2

Barns

The Barn Partnership 7

Blinds

Smart Blinds 10

Boarding Kennels

Foxhold 16

Builders

A Thompson 12

Falkland Builders 25

Caring Agency

Care at Home 20

Car Maintenance

A-Z Autoparts 27

Halfway Garage 27

Motech

Pegasus 25

Carpenter/Joiner

Liege Carpentry 16

Roger Fisher 8

Cats Protection

Newbury Cats Protection 8

Charity

TheNewbury &District 10Cancer Care Trust

Children - Including Babies

GR Swimming School 57

Monkey Music 56

Thatcham Children Centre 59

Chimney Lining

KP Voller 45

Chimney Sweep

PC Dollin 40

Cleaning

Home is 43

My Home 61

Cleaning & Ironing

Platinum Cleaning 20

Coaching

The Margaret Spencer 11

Practice

Computers

Sarah Sladen 17

Curtains & Soft Furnishings

Indigo Designs 8

Dancing School

Allenova School of Dancing 57

One Step Ahead 56

Decorator

PC Decorating 8

J Thompson 10

Dogs

Canine Hydrotherapy 19

Dog Groomer

Dapper Dogs 19

Drains

Drain & Able 22

Electrician

Current Connection 47

Home Electrics 25

Estate Agents

Colonia 20

Fencing

Crookham Sawmills 53

Fitness

Zumba & Pilates 56

Flooring

Laws Floors 6

Florist

Buttercups & Daisies 11

Football Club

Cold Ash Football Club 43

Funeral Directors

Geoffrey Church 43

Turner Brothers 47

Furniture

Pine and Oak 3

Gardening Services

A4 Gardening Services 42

AJC Services 39

Back to the Fuchsia 46

Buckingham Landscape 8

Crookham Sawmills 25

JPH Forestry 42

Kalehurst 46

Lawn Force 41

Mowers UK 41

Guttering

CD Guttering 22

Handyman

Peter Kirkham 13

Martin Newman 23

Hair & Beauty

Bernies 31

Koo’s Hair Designs 30

Health Therapist

Happy Bean 31

Lettings Agency

Castle Lettings& Property Services

Locksmith

Cap Security 10

Locksmark 22

Oven Cleaning

Cookerburra 8

Pet Carer

Pet Angels 21

Pest Control

Control Services Limited 42

Photographer

Fiona Cue Photographer 55

Sally Rimmer 15

Picture Framer

Inner Piece 11

Pilates

Lorraine 56

Plumber

AJ Bosley 5

Thatcham & Newbury 22

Maintenance Services

Paul Worsley 7

Podiatrist/Chiropody

Treat your Feet 56

Renewable Energy

The Energy Warehouse 45

Restaurant

The Coach & Horses 14

Roofer

A Thompson 27

Sand and Gravel

Rivar Sand and Gravel 40

Signs 47

Solicitor

Gardner Leader 9/64

Storage - secure

The Barn Store 15

Tax Advice

Tax Assist 43

Theatre School

Read Theatre School 58

Vet

Donnington Grove 19

Web Design

Deborah Taylor 15

Window Cleaner

P.D.D. Services 8

INDEX

15

25


Weneedyourhelp!Do you like to keep fit andearn at the same time?

Much

appreciation!

Good rateof pay!

Please give me a ring to discuss:

Ursula 0118 9886070(Please leave a message on answerphone if no reply)

If you live in Cold Ash or Thatcham.We are looking for mature people who would enjoy being part of our team and

distributing the magazine five times a year.


UrsulaAitken, Stable 5, Gravelly Bridge Farmhouse, Grazeley, Reading RG7 1LGTel: 0118 9886070 email: [email protected] www.thatchamconnections.co.uk