We Had no ChoiceWe Had no ChoiceWe Had no ChoiceWe Had no Choice

We are women. We are mothers, daughters,

grandmothers, granddaughters, sisters, aunts,

nieces and cousins.

We led normal day-to-day lives, like everyone

else. We cooked, cleaned, shopped, worked,

loved and prayed. We didn’t hurt, rob or beat

people. We had lives like you, except for one

thing: we were beaten, threatened and

raped. Now we are in prison because we

protected. We protected ourselves and our

children. We fought for our lives.

We didn’t plan for this to happen. We did the

best that we could do to make everything all

right. We always thought that life would be

better, that our abusers would get better and

the trauma would stop. There would be joy in

our homes again. We stuck it out and hoped

for the best.

When our abusers put those weapons in our

faces, or across our necks, and informed us

that we were drawing our last breath, we had

to save ourselves. We had to save our kids. We

wrestled, we fought, and we protected. We

wanted to live and for our children to live in a

home free of fear.

Our abusers are now laid to rest. Our children

are growing up without us because WE are

considered a danger to society. We are being

punished for protecting, for something we

didn’t know was going to happen. We are

now slaves of the state and we mourn

everyday the loss of our lives, our loves, and

the ones we were fighting for—our children.

Would the world be a better place if we and

our children were still being beaten, kicked,

raped and killed by our abusers? WHY must we

spend the rest of our lives in prison for

protecting?

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT! In any way you can,

please support the CLEMENCY PROJECT. For

more info, go to:

http://www.umich.edu/~clemency/clemency_

defined.html or write:

1019 Maiden Lane Ann Arbor, MI 48105

(734) 662-0776 phone and fax.

Lori Towle

465828

Scott Correctional Facility

47500 Five Mile Road, Plymouth, MI 48170

(first printed in Women for Freedom, the

newsletter of the National Lifers’ Association

at Robert Scott Correctional Facility)

Editor’s note: The Michigan Battered Women’s

Clemency Project can only help women

incarcerated in Michigan.

� Sexual discrimination or sexual preference discrimination in your prison

� Medical breakthroughs or neglect � HIV, Hep C and other diseases

common in prison � Helping your fellow prisoners � Literacy and education � Your job (or lack of a job)

Although we devoted half of this issue to the stories of women imprisoned for self-defense, we do not usually publish individual cases, charges or court experiences. We also cannot act as liaisons between those in different facilities. Send submissions to: V. Law, PO Box 20388, New York, NY 10009 Tenacious is free to women in prison. Men in prison: please send 2 stamps to cover the cost of postage. Those not in prison: your $2 will support sending free issues to incarcerated women across the United States. Cover art by Rachel Galindo, (La Vista Correctional Facility, Pueblo, CO)

Call for submissions Tenacious is looking for articles, poetry and art form women in prison. We strongly believe that everyone has a story to tell, something to share and are in need of someone who will listen and offer some kind of support and/or understanding. It is important to us that women (both in and out of prison) find the power of their voice. We encourage women to share with us and others in the hopes of educating those in society and empowering other women to take a stand for their rights and the rights of others. Use the power of your voice in a positive way—to educate. Subjects we are looking for include:

� Prison programs (how they do or don’t work)

� Mothers educating their children while on the inside

� Holding prison officials accountable for their actions or inactions

� Observations and applications on prison life

� Women prisoners uniting to make a difference

� Informing society about prison issues

Influence of Men

I believe I had more strength as a child or teen—I ran away, on my own, so many times with no regard for my safety. Not worrying or fearing the world around me, it was a big playground to explore. I think of the bravery now and consider the

influence and intimidation one man held over me for months, until we were both incarcerated…and the difference in being brave is outstanding. Don’t take me wrong—I am not playing an innocent victim’s role. I know my mistakes and I also know my weaknesses. I had never met a man as psychologically intuitive in my life before. Because before I was always the one who dominated and “ran the show” with men. But he had a whole ‘nother world going on inside his head that I had no idea even existed. He was on parole for murder when I met him, but he didn’t disclose that information until we were dating for 6 months and I was in love

and he knew it well. I never even realized he had a strategy going on…but now I see.

He involved me in murder. He knew the timing was right; after all, I had everclear in watermelon to start the evening off at a friend’s party. We drank whiskey, beer and wine, smoked some “mary jane” and he knew

that I’d be easy to influence at that point. He told me it would build a bond of trust between us. No one would ever find out; it would be our secret. The man in question was a police informant, he beat his wife and kids, he was a no-good man. This was his analogy of reasoning, his excuse to carry on something that gave him a sick adrenaline rush. He wanted to entrap me so I would be a slave to him. I didn’t see any of this at the time. I was twenty-six years old; I’ll be 42 this year. Supposedly, he even admitted to the newspapers that he brainwashed me. At the time, I thought, “Yeah, right,” refusing to accept that I was weak enough for that. But, yeah, I was. I can admit that now. After the police became involved, he decided to skip state and took me and his nephew with him. His nephew was 18 and worked with him to control and entrap me: trying to get me to dance at strip clubs for money, loading me with guilt trips: “We need to eat, can’t you do something to contribute?” He began beating me and raping me in ways I didn’t agree to

has me contemplating why I was hesitating for

so long to change. No longer am I near-sighted,

now I see long-range: Strange?! Yes I am.

Understand that I’m thankful for this time.

Changing the way I think has helped to save my

life! We can cause a cataclysm in recidivism if we

change our beliefs.

Utilize your time, cultivate your mind, don’t keep the lesson on repeat! Second by second, minute

by minute, hour by hour, I’m gaining more power

through inspiration, motivation and rehabilitation

by looking inward rather than looking out. Turn

about face! It’s up to us to change. Nobody can

change for us! We must change for ourselves!

Some people learn from other people’s mistakes

and some of us have to be the other people. But

still we choose whether to win or lose and

personally I’m a winner!

Shannon Gross 15383-006 Federal Correctional Institution Route 37 Danbury, CT 06811

RESIST THE SYSTEM! Can one person make a difference?

This is my form of resistance.

Rather than fighting the system, I’m taking what

they’re giving and using it for my advantage. In a

system designed for you to lose, you still have

the power to choose what you’re gonna do with

your time. They’ve imprisoned my body but

helped to liberate my mind and in kind I’ll return

the favor. When I’m out they won’t see me later

unless they’re coming to one of my shows. What

was meant for punishment turned out to be a

gift, the gift of time I never gave myself when

the choice was mine. I took the easy way out. I

walked a drug-induced route, never talking about

or facing what was going on within. Once my own

worst enemy, now my own best friend!

I remember when I thought this was the end but

when things come full circle is where the end

begins. My revelations became my genesis:

retired a dope dealer, evolved an arsonist ‘cuz I

know that the lessons in life will be repeated till

they’re learned. I doused those bridges, struck a

match and watched ‘em burn, then I mourned

their cremation. What God and I are co-creating

and I became a puppet at his command. That makes me sick with anger now, that I would fall so hard, when I used to control my own world for so many years. In the end, I nearly lost my mind. Being

arrested saved my life. Before it was over, our “bond of trust” had become a total hoax and we didn’t trust each other at all. It was easy for the authorities to play us against each other by then. I don’t play innocent, but yes, I played the fool. I needed mental help but refused it. I needed psychological medication, but refused it. I have survived the label placed

on me when I entered the TDCJ: “co-dependent schizophrenic.” We must become aware that others can have great influence over us and teach others about the right and importance of choosing the right thigns to do instead of the wrong thing just to please someone else, even if we think that we love them. I took domestic violence class in 1999 at the Hilltop Unit. It did help me heal and come to terms with what happened. Maybe I can help someone else. Rebecca Ann Seiber

645965

Mountain View Unit 2305 Ransom Road Gatesville, TX 76528

At the age of 18, I was at a party with my significant other. She started a physical altercation with me and I ended up hitting her with a tire iron. (She was pummeling me, mind you!) Anyhow, a couple of hours pass and I’m ready to leave. She was still passed out in a back room so, instead of leaving her to possible harm, I had a couple of our friends put her in my truck and I proceeded to take her to her brother’s house. (Now don’t forget, he’s a sheriff.) I explained to him that we’d had a falling-out, but I still wanted her to be safe….could she stay with him that night? Thanks! At 6 the next morning, I was arrested for kidnapping (taking her from one place to another without her consent) and first degree assault (the tire iron). I believe, with all my heart, that had we been a heterosexual couple and not livened in a rural, ski resort tourist town, I would’ve been charged with domestic violence (a DV that I was on the worse end of). I got a 22-year sentence and, 13 years later, I’m just now getting out. --name withheld

folded from his pants pocket and gave to me. He said, "'Thank you mommie again for the surprise." I kissed him and answered, "I love you, enjoy your birthday at the park". The piece of paper stated "Mommie, I really liked that you decorated my room, it was a nice surprise, but I want to let you know that I do not like Spiderman." After I dried my tears, I thought What am I going to do now? I had bought all the decorations and ordered the cake and balloons about Spiderman. Being in home confinement I could not go to the store to buy other decorations. I will tell you on my next PITO what I did. For now I can tell you that I did survive, of course, with the help of Angels among us (caring people) that are always around you when you most need them. I love you all, Yraida (Leo) Guanipa After spending ten years, 6 months and 18 days in prison, Yraida L. Guanipa now lives in Florida. In 2005, utilizing the Bureau of Prison's new e-mail system for prisoners, she began "Prison Talk On-line" (PTO), e-mailed descriptions of life at the Federal Correctional Camp in Coleman, Florida. After her release in December 2006, she changed the title to "Prison Issues Talk On-line" and continues to describe the effects of incarceration on not only her but also her family and community. She can be reached via e-mail at ylguanipa@yahoo.com.

PITO 08-101-07 Prison Issues Talk On-line

SPIDERMAN My youngest son (Jeswil) 12th birthday was last March (2007). It was the first birthday party that I was going to organize and celebrate with my son. He and I prepared the guest list and I mailed the invitations. Since I was in home confinement, I did not have the time to get fancy invitations cards. So I send a plain (no character) cards. I was careful and meticulously preparing the surprises for my son, such as decorating his room, bringing a cake to the baseball field and the decorations for the party. The first thing that I needed to choose was the decoration theme, and of course, I did not want to ask my son what Disney or movie character he liked because I wanted to be the type of mom that knows everything about her son; but my prison life proved me wrong. His bed comforter set was of Spiderman, so I said to myself, "Bingo! He loves Spiderman." I bought everything that you can think of for a birthday party about Spiderman. The day before his birthday I decorated his room with banners, balloons, stickers, etc, with Spiderman, and I was so proud of my job. When he woke up he was happy (but not too happy) about the decorations. He gave me a kiss and said, "Thank you mommie. It is a nice surprise." Before leaving for work, I took him and his brother to the transportation vehicle to go to the baseball field for the day. Before getting into the car he pulled a piece of paper nicely

Free on the Free on the Free on the Free on the InsideInsideInsideInside

Listen up here, women of the world. I, Jennie

Elizabeth Rodriguez, got a real story to tell.

It’s about how I sit behind bars today because I fought

back to protect myself. I didn’t intend to hurt him

that August summer night, but I, Jennie Elizabeth

Rodriguez, was not going down without a fight!

Women get raped all over the world, countless times

a day, but I, Jennie Elizabeth Rodriguez, was

determined not to go out that way.

He was bigger, older and clearly stronger than I, but

that did not stop me. I needed to make the effort and

try.

Because of that choice, I sit in jail today, wondering

and thinking how I’ll pull through the next day.

I may not be free to come and go as I please, but

believe me when I say, “God watches over me!” He

understands my actions and will never leave my side.

I put my faith in Him, in Him I do confide.

I’ll never give up hope for that’s just what these

people want to see. I, jennie Elizabeth Rodriguez, will

never lay down the spirit of resistance and struggle

in me. In your blood as well as in mine, we’ve been

blessed with the power and will to survive, so never

give up and think that you are through, for there’s

always a tomorrow and a chance to start anew!

To all the phenomenal women all over the world:

This is my story and I hope it brings light and hope to

you all. As a young Latina growing up in today’s

society, I’ve learned a lot of truths—racism still

exists--“if you ain’t white, you ain’t right!”

We must take a stand and fight against these

injustices and inequalities TOGETHER! You are not

alone. We must step up and continue the fight. Our

sisters have started way before us. Life ain’t always

fair, ya know, but that shouldn’t stop us! Viktor

Frankl said it best: “Life isn’t fair. To live is to

suffer. To survive is to find meaning to suffering.”

Take control of what you can take control of. Take

control of your mind and remember to always love

yourself. Growth is the best defense against burnout,

so live and learn and be wise. Ask your higher power

to give you courage, strength, dedication, concern,

compassion and wisdom. Keep the faith and you’ll pull

through.

Thank you for listening to my story.

holding yourself spread apart and cough hard so if anything were inside, it would come out. The only thing that has ever come out has been shame and a loss of dignity. If you are on your menstrual cycle, they make you throw away your sanitary napkin. If they have some available, they give you a new one. I was once told, “We don’t have any on hand, so you just have to use toilet paper” in a nasty tone of voice. This whole experience is not pretty. I wonder how people do it when they have visits three times a week??? Marianne Brown SBI # 000149918C Edna Mahan Correctional Facility for Women P.O. Box 4004 Clinton, New Jersey 08809 illustration by Rachel Galindo, 131837 La Vista Correctional Facility, Unit 1, 1401 W 17th St., Pueblo, CO 81003

SSSSTRIP TRIP TRIP TRIP SSSSEARCHESEARCHESEARCHESEARCHES

Strip searches are done in prison every time you return from outside the prison such as a court trip, a hospital or medical trip, or a bedside or funeral visit. They are also done after contact with outsiders, such as visitors (yes, after every visit), attorney visits or special occasions where visitors are allowed, such as a graduation ceremony, children’s Christmas party, choir anniversary or incentive visits. They are very humiliating and degrading. You take off all your clothes in front of an officer piece by piece. Each piece of clothing is handed to the officer to be thoroughly checked to make sure that nothing is hidden in it. After every stitch of clothing has been stripped off and checked and placed in a pile, then the body check is next. Arms held straight up above your head while armpits are checked. Hair is taken down if in a bun or braid or ponytail holder and shaken in the air. A check is done behind the ears and in your mouth. If you have false teeth, they are removed and checked. You are told by the officer to turn around and put your hands on the wall, to lean forward: lift one foot at a time so that the officer can see the bottom of your feet. Then you are told to take your hands, separate your butt cheeks and vagina, bend over at the waist and spread it so they can see every crack and crevice. Then you are made to squat while

SSSSANTA ANTA ANTA ANTA RRRRITA ITA ITA ITA JJJJAILAILAILAIL............IIIITTTT’’’’’’’’SSSS HHHHELLELLELLELL!!!!!!!!!!!! A simple but real poem by Nina

I don’t like silver bracelet chains…

At least not the kind that lock and have you tamed…

I know I did the crime

So I have to do the time

But not in Santa Rita Jail!

Because it smells and it’s like hell!

This place definitely makes you bow down…

Making sure you do nothin’ else in the town

I’ve literally seen death with my own eyes

Deputies make it no better,

It’s the inmates they despise

Makin’ it even harder for you

On top of that there’s nothing to do,

Eat and lay around everyday

Listening to jailhouse lawyers & what they have to say

A woman slits her arm open,

What could be worse?

And tell me…

Why do the men eat first

And go before you in courtrooms?

This place is filled with mold and nasty fumes!

I guess it’s the price I have to pay

For getting caught up having it my way…

Fees like I’m a lil closer to hell

Being locked up in Santa Rita Jail!

Edith “Nina” Clark ASM 056, Santa Rita County Jail,

5325 Border Blvd., Dublin, CA 94568

editor’s note: “Gabby” was one of the women who helped with the early issues of “Tenacious”

New Life…Grab It!

I am a wife, a mother and a daughter. These

prison walls do not determine my destiny nor do

they dictate my daily life.

We must fight to be happy inside and strong in

the mist of any opposition. Shifting blame is not

healthy and only standing up to the issues will

bring inner healing.

I have a positive outlook on life. In the face of

hatred, I love. In the face of pain, I heal!

The system tries to kill our souls, yet we have the

power to take it back.

There are health issues to deal with, deaths of

close friends, immigration cases, but the spirit of

courage must prevail.

Every time I have to say “goodbye” to my family

on a visit, my heart breaks. To give up would be

the easiest way to “cope,” but I choose the hard

way—to pray and continue on my journey!

Margaret Majos

B49682

PO Box 549, Lincoln, IL 62656