Tathras Self-Torment 10.08.05 - 49kb

7/27/2019 Tathras Self-Torment 10.08.05 - 49kb

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Jedi_Knight_Tathra Meditates as she waits for Master Sageto arrive ... what she has to say is difficult and she is notsure of her motives... she needs to get the advice of amentor so she can clear her mind of any personal likes

and dislikes leaving only the good>Jedi_Knight_Tathra of the jedi behind. Jedi_Master_Sage enters the meditation arboreum and sitsdown on a smooth flat log bench, across from Tathra,"what is it?"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I wish to talk to you of myobservations and a worry I have on one of the councilmembers Jedi_Master_Sage : Worry is an emotion, if you have a concern, itmust not be tainted with feelings that can obscure your clarity, please

tell me of your observationsJedi_Knight_Tathra : Master Sage I speek of Jedi Ivory. Jedi_Master_Sage : Why don't you tell me first, of your history

with Ivory, including the days when you were Leongatha

Jedi_Knight_Tathra :You know when I was dark I mademany attacks on the Jedi. There was only one on thecouncil I could read like a book I knew her so well, Iobserved her and knew her fears and how she wouldreact to an attack from me.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra :To illistrate how I could manipulate herI brought in the Felinot to naboo. Jedi_Master_Sage : How can you be sure that she reacted as youintended, or that her reaction lead you to believe that you planned it that

way? Does not the darkside promote one's own ego and distort

perceptions?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I knew she would immediately suspectthat they were not for good that she would attack themit was my hope that she would actually kill one .. asentiant being with out realising that it was no threat Jedi_Master_Sage : Did she kill one?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she came close. I also have seen shestill feared them even after I turned light. Jedi_Master_Sage : If it was your hope that she would kill a felinotand did not, how can you assume that she was manipulated and how are

you able to prove that she was afraid?


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Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I tried to approach her after turninglight to let her know she had nothing to worry aboutthem .. the meeting did not go well she was defenciveand refused to even sit down so we could talk in private

Jedi_Master_Sage : How does that qualify as concluding that shewas afraid? Jedi_Master_Sage : could she not have simply been cautious, ofcreatures that were used as a means of espionage for a dark jedi?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it comes with another meeting that wehad on enos when we were trying to help the mothertree Jedi_Master_Sage : tell me of this meeting.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she was safe yet the whole time shewas on defencive even when two jedi knights told her

she had nothing to fear she would not come and movewith us

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : her fears kept her in place and shewould not move with us Jedi_Master_Sage : Again, could she not have simply beencautious? why do you assume that it was fear?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : becuase there is a patern here. as ifshe feared that I had not actually turned that I wasleading her into a trap along with all the other jedi

knights Jedi_Master_Sage : You are not proving your assumption, the wayIvory acts is not neccessarily fear because you believe it to be.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : exactly but now I see her insistance totake a position of power in the universe and herdisregard of any type of warning we may give her.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : numerious times she dismisses whatshe does not want to hear and listens only to those whoagree with her Jedi_Master_Sage : Ivory has stated that she will submit to anystipulations we decide.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : then why does she not wait for ourstipulation .. why does she feel the need to attack thosewho are not to her way of mind set Jedi_Master_Sage : She is waiting, she has not done anything todenote acting in the role of an advisor, official or even unofficial. She is


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waiting. Are you jealous that she was asked by the Chancellor and not

you? You are a former ruler. One who was respected and feared, Jedi_Master_Sage :but now a younger being is prefered beforeyou, by the most politically powerful man in the republic

Jedi_Master_Sage :Is is possible that you have unresolved issues

with Ivory? Jedi_Master_Sage : That you failed to make her kill the felinot?Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I do not seek positions of glory I gave

up every thing to be a jedi.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I pulled the felinot off her before she

could kill one ... Jedi_Master_Sage : Have you? One might say you are trying toturn me against Ivory. Jedi_Master_Sage : That is not that you said before.

Jedi_Master_Sage : Your contradiction supports the idea that it isyou who has the issue with Ivory.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : no .. I am not sure why I turn to you totalk to you but that I repect what you say .. I know onlythat If I was still dark I would use what she offers andmanipulate her giving her a position of power as thechancellor is then using her to legitimate

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : my place in the cosmos.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I cannot shake the feeling she walks

into a trap and my warnings go unheaded Jedi_Master_Sage : Do you suspect that the Chancellor has ulteriormotives for selecting Ivory?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra :Yes I do Jedi_Master_Sage : Why is this so?Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Because I was there it is what I would

have done if I was still dark .. he makes the moves Iwould do to legitimise my position before revealing mytrue motives

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Ivory has never been dark .. shecannot see though the eyes I can

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she cannot see patterns as I can Jedi_Master_Sage : Ivory was made in darkness, she is the productof sith alchemy and she has touched the darkside before.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : then she is at risk .. for she has with inher the very items that evil would need


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Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she does not control her emotions well Jedi_Master_Sage : Perhaps, but that is for her to deal with and shedoes. I agree that there is risk, just as it is a risk to allow a former dark

jedi to be a council member. You must trust in Ivory's ability to make

the right choice, only then can you expect Ivory to trus Jedi_Master_Sage : trust in your ability to do the same.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and if she does not, If the chancelor is

dark as I suspect, she is in danger, danger she isoblivious to Jedi_Master_Sage : Why do you suspect the Chancellor is evenforce sensitive?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : It is hard to say ... as I have seennothing to prove it but that which i feel in the force ... apattern I see in his activites that mirror my own rise to

power.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it takes one to know one .. rings in my

mind Jedi_Master_Sage : What we feel in the force, must not be the solemotivator in our decisions. And you are not a darksider anymore. Jedi_Master_Sage : I once felt that I would have been right inkilling Jancin, but my feelings were not proven by evidence. Jedi_Master_Sage : The force reveals in time that which it causesyou to feel, you must have patience, as haste, even with noble intention

is a door to the darkside.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it is why I wanted to talk to you I do

not have anything against ivory but i feel she is walkinginto a trap .. the insistance that she and only she takethe position makes me worry that he already hasinflunced her. I wonder what her reaction would be>

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : should you be sent .. not her. Jedi_Master_Sage : I do not have a longstanding past that wouldcause the current Chancellor to select me, nor do I have her political

expertise, again the issue centers around what you feel and Ivory,

Tathra, I want you to be open to all possibilities as the force is not m Jedi_Master_Sage : made of stone Jedi_Master_Sage : Like light, you must be able to reflect and bereflected Jedi_Master_Sage : When you first found Ivory would not sit withyou, how did that make you feel?


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Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I felt like I had been kicked in the gut.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I felt hate.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : My attempt to help her to let her know

there was nothing to fear. was greeted with rudeness and

hostility Jedi_Master_Sage "You felt hate towards another jedi" hesays as a statement, not a question "You felt rejectedand to this day, have had a wound within you that youwill not let heal"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I felt her hate of me Jedi_Master_Sage :No, that may be what you thought, but the hatewas your own. If Ivory would not sit with you, she would not allow her

mind to be unshielded. You hated her for rejecting you and it hurt you.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and yes I saw that she had not

accepted my turn to light. If you remember I talked toyou after that and meditated on it for a long time Jedi_Master_Sage : You assume she has not accepted it, if youremember, our talk was about how you must not focus on that, if she

accepts you or not is not your responsibility nor something you should

focus on. Jedi_Master_Sage : Tathra, I've seen this happen before with otherdarksiders who become jedi.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I know Master Sage

Jedi_Master_Sage : There are times when darksiders who spend somuch of their lives dwelling in the extremes of malice and hate thatwhen they come to the light, they approach an opposite

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : but is disregarding my warnings ordisregarding anything I say infact accusing me of thevery thing I am warning them of Jedi_Master_Sage : Instead of wishing to destory, they wish tonuture, instead of seeking to divide, they try to unite all, sometimes to

the point of taking it too far Jedi_Master_Sage :No one has disregarded anything, in fact youare the one who is disregarding my words now. Ivory is not the issue

here, you are.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I guess I am ... I wish to be heard ... Iwish to be valued

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I wish to be part of this council and nothave my views questioned


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Jedi_Master_Sage :Now you are being honest. This isn't aboutIvory, its about how you spent so much of your life creating dissent,

now on the opposite extreme, you cannot stand to see rifts exist. I'm

sorry to say this, but even the most disciplined jedi will not see eye tJedi_Master_Sage :

to eye with you

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Master must every thing I say bequestioned Jedi_Master_Sage : Yes, most of all, from you. You must questionyour own words, feelings and perceptions. To not do so, is to walk in

ignorance. This is because of your vast history, you cannot afford not to

accept questions

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it seems only two of the council seemto be on .. my case so to speek ... both had problemswith me in the past.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : why is it only they that are questioningmy motives Jedi_Master_Sage : Are you sure they are on your case? Or are youon theirs, but denying it? Are you sure they have not resolved their

problems and that you have not?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I have made attempts to aproachthem every approch rejected

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : what can I do to bring peaceJedi_Knight_Tathra : how can discord like this be of the light

Jedi_Master_Sage : The universe is not all a harmony, sometimes ittakes chaos for one to find the eye of the storm. Jedi_Master_Sage : You must find that eye and not be peturbed bywhat goes on around you

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Master I feel this council would workmuch better if I was not here. Jedi_Master_Sage : If people reject you, do not take it to heart Jedi_Master_Sage : Why is that?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : because I bring discord by my verybeing here. this discord is not good and cannot be part ofthe light. this discord breeds darkness. Jedi_Master_Sage : Discord causes people to see the rifts that werealways there and cause us to see the need to repair them. Your presence

is not the problem, it is your perception of people you have a past with

that is the problem Jedi_Master_Sage : Do you know how I can bear to look at you


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and not be disgusted with you and all you have done? To me and my

family alone?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : but is the problem just mine ..Jedi_Knight_Tathra : because you are true to the force

Master sageJedi_Knight_Tathra : I have done little to the others yet youaccept me. why do they not Jedi_Master_Sage : You see them as not accepting you, and no, it isnot because I am true to the force, it is because I choose to see you as if

we have met for the first time. I do not forget what you have done, but I

do not judge you on those actions, but rather on how you Jedi_Master_Sage : live here and now Jedi_Master_Sage : You must learn to do the same, with Ivory, withothers and with yourself.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and when will they do the same ormust this discord continue till either I or they leave thecouncil Jedi_Master_Sage : All elements that cause you to lose focus of

peace, hate, rejection, the perception of fear, you must take to them as

an enemy, with a lightsaber made of your inner peace. Jedi_Master_Sage : This discord is in your mind Tathra, if it wereas dire as you say, I would be the first to agree with you. Jedi_Master_Sage : When you are met with rejection and otherobstacles to serenity, you must be as warm as the sun, but as hard assteel. Jedi_Master_Sage : Let no emotions sway you. Let the force beyour strength, not your heart. Jedi_Master_Sage : Do not just let go with your feelings, but let goof them as well, do not hold to them.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Master sage I am lost .. I do not knowwhere to turn from here. my mind says leave the councillet them be happy with me being gone. let ivory takethe path to her own distruction what do I care if sheworks for one who is decieving her but then >

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I think maybe the force had a reasonto bring me here now.. so I could warn ivory . Jedi_Master_Sage : You percieve that the council would be happywith you gone, because you fear rejection, so inside you decide to reject

yourself before anyone else has the chance. you see Ivory as walking to


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destruction, because somewhere inside you, that is what you wish

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : my mind keeps on saying why doesivory seem insistant to take the position .. she has manyduties here. and seeks another.

Jedi_Master_Sage : it is not your core motivation, but it is withinyou at some subconcious level. Jedi_Master_Sage : Your mind speaks but does not listen to theforce

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I am scared that I want her to bedestroyed ... that if I agree to let her go I am sending herto her death Jedi_Master_Sage : Remember, I am still a telepath. Maybe that is

part of the problem, it must be difficult to no longer hear the sounds of

others thoughts

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : It is like I am cut off from every thingJedi_Knight_Tathra : like the world is silent Jedi_Master_Sage : Fear is the path to the darkside. You must

accept that all living beings die, if Ivory is walking to her death,

remember that she will join the greater company of the force, but.. Jedi_Master_Sage : .. what if you are wrong? what if she iswalking into a path that may help many? is that not worth letting go of

fear for?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I sent many an apprentance to their

death ... why does this bother me so now Jedi_Master_Sage : Are you even more afraid that you are wrong?Must you justify your thoughts so strongly, as you can no longer hear

the thoughts of others?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Master why do I want to protect onewho has never accepted me Jedi_Master_Sage : Because while you have managed to forgiveyourself of many terrible deeds of the past, it is possible that you have

never forgiven yourself for what you tried to make Ivory do, but more

so..

Jedi_Master_Sage : you read as one who seeks to punish herself forhaving held such emotion in the first place. Jedi_Master_Sage : You punish yourself with fear, knowing it iswrong, but it clouds your vision from the only path that hurts more.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : am I failing Master Jedi_Master_Sage : You are trying. To forgive another is often


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difficult, to forgive oneself for some, is a near impossible thing to do, it

means letting go of the haunting reminder that you were once evil. You

were never sentenced, so you sentence yourself to a life of fea Jedi_Master_Sage : fear..Jedi_Master_Sage :

.. To forgive yourself is to pardon yourself.

And you find that so hard to do...

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : a bounty hunter came for meyesterday Jedi_Master_Sage : .. because you feel that you should suffer a

penalty, because you are a good person. Jedi_Master_Sage : There are always hunters, lets focus on the coreissue.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I almost stood still and let his shot hitme

Jedi_Master_Sage : Tathra, you felt hate, you felt hurt and you fearrejection. Those and other ways, are ways that you use to punish

yourself. You must cease this and accept full forgiveness of yourself,

not in part, but in whole. Jedi_Master_Sage : What you mentioned, is just a symptom thatproves what I am telling you.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and how do I do thatJedi_Knight_Tathra : I am lost. help me find the path Jedi_Master_Sage : You choose to do so. You choose it now,

tommorow and maybe every day, sometimes many times a day.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : should I remain silent lest I voice an

opinion that could be from my heart not from the force Jedi_Master_Sage :No. You should speak what you feel withoutfear, you must not be afraid of what others may say or think and accept

what others reply as you would have them accept you.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and if my words are attacked againhow must I react Jedi_Master_Sage : But as you speak without fear, you must alsospeak with a view that is honed by the force, one that is not tarnished by

false perceptions born of your self-loathing.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : so ivory is with out blame .. she isperfict in the force and my obervations are foundless Jedi_Master_Sage : First you must ask yourself if your words aretruely being attacked or if that is just what you percieve. You have not

shown me anything to indicate that you have forgiven yourself fully yet.


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Jedi_Master_Sage : Sarcasm does not help you, but it does revealyour emotions towards her.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : that was not sarcasm .. it was aquestion

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : is ivory ok ..Jedi_Knight_Tathra : is she what I should try to be likeshould I look at the way she acts as a guide Jedi_Master_Sage : The real question, is should you focus on thatwithout looking to the wound in your own spirit?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : answer my question Sage.. are myworries foundless. is there a chance I may be right Jedi_Master_Sage : One must know when another is ready to hearthe answer. I feel you are not ready for that answer until you can look to

your own issue for longer than a heartbeat

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I know what my issue is .. I am not yetfully forgiving of my self. but does that taint my views oris it possible I have an insite that is now being dismissedbecasue of my past and percetptions that it may be mypast dictating what I say

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : are you judging me from the pasttoo ... instead of listening to my voice Jedi_Master_Sage : Both are possible but that is the problem. Atree cannot bear both good and bad fruit as the bad fruit chokes up the

nutrients faster and results in the tree having only bad fruit.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : take this illistration.. what if ivory is

steping into a situation that will cause her to fall. what ifshe is already compromised. what if I am the only one ..becasue of my past can see this. is the fact I have a pasta reason to dismiss what I say ...

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : how is my past a reason to dismiss myinsite Jedi_Master_Sage : You cannot help one stand up after they havefallen until you have first mended your broken arms.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and if my arms are mended .. and yourown perception is tainted by the past what if It is notwhat you think but your hope that I am wrong Jedi_Master_Sage : That is a circular argument, one that does notmend your arms.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she cuckes...yes.. you are right


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Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I may have some problems yet to berectified. but ask yourself this why do you protect ivoryso much why do you fear to tell me what your thoughtsare ...

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : do you fear that I may be right. Jedi_Master_Sage :No Tathra, I am more concerned that my friendis tormenting herself. Ivory is an adult who has agreed to work under

the stipulations the majority of the council have stated, stipulations that

conform to what I have said. If she is excited, it does not mak Jedi_Master_Sage : make her passionate, but you see that as beingso. Jedi_Master_Sage : it makes me ask, why do you say things thatseem subconciously engineered to generate an attack? Jedi_Master_Sage : Why do you hate yourself so?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : maybe I test her to see her reaction.and her reaction showed she failed

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : has she remained silent and notattacked me I would not have needed to talk to you Jedi_Master_Sage : The need would have presented itself inanother way.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : her actions show a need to get herown way

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and to put down any one who sees

diffrentlyJedi_Knight_Tathra : why cannot you see this .. Jedi_Master_Sage : You choose to see it that way and you ignore

that she has said plainly that she will do what we say.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she plays the please the council gameJedi_Knight_Tathra : if she makes you happy she will get

her wayJedi_Knight_Tathra : she manipulates ... Jedi_Master_Sage : Tathra, if you do not allow yourself to heal,

you will always see the negative even if its not there. There is no game,

there is no room for manipulation.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : she will say anything to get her way .Jedi_Knight_Tathra : then see how she reacts if she is told

no Jedi_Master_Sage : You will say anything to discredit her.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : maybe you do not believe me .. but I


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do think she would try to attack you ..Jedi_Knight_Tathra : so far she thinks your wonderful .. see

what change would come if you change your mindJedi_Knight_Tathra : this is not about me Master sage.Jedi_Master_Sage : It is, you just won't see it.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I worry the dark has her and you dont

even realise.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I dont think she even sees itJedi_Knight_Tathra : but then who am I to know.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : my words mean nothing they are

tainted by the past Jedi_Master_Sage : Why would I test her when that is not thepoint? She told us of a request that Chancellor had and I told her of how

I thought it was best to be dealt with.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and that is sarcastic Jedi_Master_Sage : You are making this a witch hunt because youfear being healed, you fear being forgiven.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I am forgiven .. I am healing ..Jedi_Knight_Tathra : but my words are not being listened toJedi_Knight_Tathra : so I will remain silent. but ask yourself

this .. If I am right the dark has a person of great valuethey can turn because she is vulnerable by her veryemotions.

Jedi_Master_Sage : You are not forgiving yourself.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it is hard Master Sage to forgiveoneself when others do not forgive you

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : and disregard your words becausethey percieve you have not forgiven yourself Jedi_Master_Sage : Easy is not for the jedi.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Why is it so important that ivory isblame less Jedi_Master_Sage : She is not the issue. You are.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : but I came here to talk to you abouther.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : yet you will not do that ... I am

wondering why? Jedi_Master_Sage : Because Ivory is not the one with broken armssymbolically speaking.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : Ivory is an established jedi .. who has


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been here since dot. she has no faults .. she is a perfictjedi.. why then is she not a Master Jedi_Master_Sage shakes his head "Why are you so fixatedwith her?"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : of all the jedi she is the only one whofell for my traps. she was the only one I could manipulate... the only one I could read like a book ... she is the onlyones who wears her emotions on her like a coat. she isthe most likely of all here to fall.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : She is the only one here who is soarrogant she hurts both herself and the perception of the

jedi as a whole. Jedi_Master_Sage : But she didn't fall, she did not kill the felinot.

You say she is most likely to fall when she is not the one who is being

judgemental and refusing to let go of her guilt.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : She was the reason I was able to turn

alot of paddies to the dark ...Jedi_Knight_Tathra : their reactions to her treatment made

them easy pickings for me Jedi_Master_Sage : Are you gloating over your past victories?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : no I am saying that her very temperand actions have a reaction she doesnt even realise andmakes those who she thinks she protects to turn to the

dark .Jedi_Knight_Tathra : had I not been stronger I too would

have given up on the light due to her treatment of meJedi_Knight_Tathra : I wonder why you let such a person act

with in the council and take a postion where thatarrogance and power could be abused more

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : why does the chancellor want her...does he see as I saw her as a way to bring more to thedark ..

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I will meditate and work on forgivingmyself Master

Jedi_Master_Sage : You ARE gloating over your past, it hurts but ithurts less than the acceptance and clarity of forgiveness.

Jedi_Master_Sage :Not enough. Jedi_Master_Sage : You say that meaning you will put it off.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : fill me Master with spirital light so I


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may burn the doubts off and know my place the pastbeing forgiven ... and the future now new

Jedi_Master_Sage : I don't want you to walk from here a torturedsoul.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra she starts meditating there and then aglow moving around her ... as she washes the ver ydarkfrom her

Jedi_Master_Sage You must fill yourself with the tranquilityof the force, I will simply be here for you" he says as hetakes her hands

Jedi_Knight_Tathra like washing out the past tears fall fromher eyes as like drops of her substance the past iswashed away ...

Jedi_Master_Sage takes her hands firmly in his, slowly

encompassing her spirit with the light of the force, as ifcradling her spirit "you must let it all go. it will hurt, andit will seek to return and you must be vigilant"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra as the tears dry up a peace comesover her filling the void with acceptance andunderstanding ... and peace... the washing away takeswith it memories ... leaving her washed by the force.leaving her cleaned and sanitised

Jedi_Knight_Tathra She sees the past though eyes of an

observer as it it was not she who did it. leongatha afriend who needed to be forgiven who she has embracedwith her whole heart showing forgiveness for every thingshe did...

Jedi_Master_Sage moves from the bench and draws closerto Tathra, bringing his large arms around her small frame"its alright, its alright"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra then as they embrace they envelopeach other absorging into one being the forgiven oneand the forgiver becomeing one... as the force glowswithin her... growing and growing ... as more tears fall ...tears of blood... tears of sadness... tears

Jedi_Knight_Tathra of distress... of fear .. tears of all thelives that she ended .. tears for possible friends thatmight never be... the peace filling the void till all shefeels is the arm of sage she leans into it accepting the


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confort. as the force cleanses herfurtherJedi_Knight_Tathra there is a quietness in her as the glow

subsides... her eyes now pink as if the pigment as beenfully removed then the crystal blue returns ...

Jedi_Master_Sage kisses the center of her forehead in agesture of brotherly affection, nothing more "betternow?"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra she looks younger as if the weight ofthe world has been removed.. her face emotionless sheturns to Master Sage..

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : kinda wish that had been on the lips ..Jedi_Knight_Tathra she smilesJedi_Knight_Tathra : sue me Master Sage .. You are a

loveible hunk of fish ..

Jedi_Master_Sage laughs softly, a rarity for him "lets notget carried away"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : one thing for sure you never let meover look what I need to think on

Jedi_Master_Sage moves back, giving them breathingroom again "You'd do the same for me"

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I know .. Master sage I still sence thativory is steping into danger..

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : will you look into it for me

Jedi_Master_Sage : I'll do better than that, I'll make sure that if itdoes turn out to be a danger, that you will be the first person I call upon

to help me bring her out of it.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : thank you.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I will abide by your recomendations.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : should I give Ivory some distance for a

while Jedi_Master_Sage : Thank you. Tell me, when you were ruling a

world, wandering through your garden in your night garments, did you

ever think you would end up here?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I never wore night garments... andwalking though my garden was deadly I would have senta na . to do that for me but besides that.. no I think Ifeared being light. I know I did every thing I could toavoid that consideration

Jedi_Knight_Tathra :Tatha's death woke me up


16/18

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : did you like her when you met her Jedi_Master_Sage : You.. feared the lightside? why is that? And no,

I would not give Ivory distance but I would not crowd her either

Jedi_Master_Sage :Not really, her psychic aura was always

clouded with confusion, I was still learning to close off my telepathicreception

Jedi_Knight_Tathra :There is light in every one .. just asthere is dark in every one .. only the degrees differ Ialways assumed the light in me was that of Tatha it waseasy to think it was her and that I had no light. admittingI had light in me would be admitting>

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : what I did was evil. Jedi_Master_Sage : interesting. That as a darksider, you could see

that the darkside was evil

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I knew it was .. I just wanted to bebetter at it than my father .

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : hence I never though must about theimplications of my actions just what power I would get ..the end justifying the need

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : killing my sister and yourgranddaughter gave me the power of the dark church ..

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : marrieing malius gave me the allies ofthe sith

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I used him as he used me to gain morepower Jedi_Master_Sage : ugh, I cannot believe you slept with Malius.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : going after the five jedi Masters was away to gain more power.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : he and I were.. very enthousilasticlovers ... he believed what he did was right.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : he didnt see himself as evil Jedi_Master_Sage : How did he keep coming back from death?

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I think he transported his spirit into ourson..

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : at least that is what I suspectJedi_Knight_Tathra : he surtainly groomed him to take his

placeJedi_Knight_Tathra : one thing for sure he feared I would kill

my son that is when the two of them left me


17/18

Jedi_Master_Sage : why is that?Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it was after I killed waparra. I think he

reaised if I would kill my sisters son I would kill his sontoo

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : i killed waparra to send oodna to thedark ..Jedi_Knight_Tathra : is this important Master Sage?

Jedi_Master_Sage : Does that usually work? Jedi_Master_Sage : Its not, I'm just curious thats all.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it worked cause I used your arraganceto aid me .. I knew she would come to you for help andshe was not in the right temprment to cope with you andthat would send her over the edge

Jedi_Knight_Tathra she winks at sage...

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : used you to I am afraidJedi_Knight_Tathra : manipulation with in manipulation.

Jedi_Master_Sage : maybe, but if my harshness had not presenteditself, she would have still fallen, with no lesson of the weakness of the

darkside

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : needless to say it worked. as did mylies that were mixed with truth. I think that is why I amnot believed sometimes because I was so good at lieingin the past

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : do you think that is correct Jedi_Master_Sage : I think you don't give yourself enough credit,

people do believe you, they simply do not embrace your words with the

same impact as they once fell for your lies.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : i guess it is ironic now I say the truthand do not lie now but my motives are questioned

Jedi_Master_Sage : thats because we act seeking knowledge notignorance

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : i know I speek the truth now .. that Ispeek only my mind as I see it ..

Jedi_Master_Sage : And to take in that truth, it must be viewedcarefully, to ensure nothing is missed.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it will take a while for others to realisethat I gues

Jedi_Master_Sage : It took you this long to let go of your guilt.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : yes Master


18/18

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it was a lot of guiltJedi_Knight_Tathra : it over wealmed me on occasion

Jedi_Master_Sage : It will still try to again, its not over, but fornow, its not a burden, its a demon. one that has been banished and cast

it. It will seek to take you again, but if you are vigilant, it will fail. Butnot without a fight.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : i guess it is ironic now I say the truthand do not lie now but my motives are questioned

Jedi_Master_Sage : thats because we act seeking knowledge notignorance

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : i know I speek the truth now .. that Ispeek only my mind as I see it ..

Jedi_Master_Sage : And to take in that truth, it must be viewedcarefully, to ensure nothing is missed.

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : it will take a while for others to realisethat I gues

Jedi_Master_Sage : It took you this long to let go of your guilt.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : yes MasterJedi_Knight_Tathra : it was a lot of guiltJedi_Knight_Tathra : it over wealmed me on occasion

Jedi_Master_Sage : It will still try to again, its not over, but fornow, its not a burden, its a demon. one that has been banished and cast

it. It will seek to take you again, but if you are vigilant, it will fail. But

not without a fight.Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I can see that. Jedi_Master_Sage stands "let us end on that note, to be

vigilant. we've talked enough for one evening and youhave alot to meditate about, as have I"

Jedi_Master_Sage "May the force be with you" he says ashe bows at the waist, before leaving

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : I must rest now Master Sage. MasterSage

Jedi_Knight_Tathra : the force be with you

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Tathras Self-Torment 10.08.05 - 49kb