SpellbindingSentences

AWriter’sGuidetoAchievingExcellenceandCaptivatingReaders

BarbaraBaig

Cincinnati,Ohio

SpellbindingSentences.Copyright©2015byBarbaraBaig.ManufacturedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeansincludinginformationstorageandretrievalsystemswithoutpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher,exceptbyareviewer,whomayquotebriefpassagesinareview.PublishedbyWriter’sDigestBooks,animprintofF+WMedia,Inc.,10151CarverRoad,Suite#200,BlueAsh,OH45242.(800)289-0963.Firstedition.

Formoreresourcesforwriters,visitwww.writersdigest.com/books.

191817161554321

DistributedinCanadabyFraserDirect

100ArmstrongAvenue

Georgetown,Ontario,CanadaL7G5S4Tel:(905)877-4411

DistributedintheU.K.andEuropebyF&WMediaInternationalBrunelHouse,NewtonAbbot,Devon,TQ124PU,EnglandTel:(+44)1626-323200,Fax:(+44)1626-323319E-mail:postmaster@davidandcharles.co.uk

DistributedinAustraliabyCapricornLinkP.O.Box704,Windsor,NSW2756AustraliaTel:(02)4577-3555,Fax:(02)4577-5288E-mail:books@capricornlink.com.au978-1-59963-920-8

WritersDigest.comCincinnati,Ohio

Writingisanart:itsmediumislanguage.—FrancisChristensen

Contents

TitlePageCopyrightPageEpigraphWelcomeSection1:TheMasteryPath

Chapter1:MasteringtheCraft

MasteringaWriter’sSkillsWhatYouNeedtoMasterSentenceCraft

Chapter2:ClaimingYourPower:LearningThroughPractice

WhatIsPractice?

Chapter3:TheBasicSentenceCraftPractices

BasicPractice#1:WakingUptheWordMindBasicPractice#2:KeepingaNotebookBasicPractice#3:ReadingasaWriterBasicPractice#4:ReflectingonYourPracticeMakePracticePartofYourLife

Section2:ThePowerofDiction:ChoosingWords

Chapter4:TheWordHoard

TheBenefitsofUnpackingYourWordHoard

BuildYourWordHoardTrainingYourWordMindTakeTimetoReflect

Chapter5:MakingMeaning

WhatDoWeMeanby“Meaning”?TimetoReflect

Chapter6:TheQualitiesofWords

TheQualitiesofWords1:Formal/InformalTheQualitiesofWords2:General/SpecificTheQualitiesofWords3:Abstract/ConcreteTakeTimetoReflect

Chapter7:TheLanguageoftheImagination

Images:TheLanguageoftheImaginationTheVocabularyoftheSensesBalancingShowingandTellingTakeTimetoReflectLookingAhead

Section3:ThePowerofFunction:WhatWordsDo

Chapter8:PartsofSpeech

PartsofSpeech1:ContentPartsofSpeechPartsofSpeech2:StructuralWordsTakeTimetoReflect

Chapter9:MakingPhrases

WhatIsaPhrase?ComposingwithPhrasesThePowerofPhrasesTakeTimetoReflect

Section4:ThePowerofSyntax:OrderingWords

Chapter10:MakingSpells:TheMagicofSentences

KindsofSentencesSentenceKernelsSyntacticSlotsTakeTimetoReflect

Chapter11:ElaboratingtheBasicSentence

ElaboratingtheBasicSentencePatternsTakeTimetoReflect

Chapter12:ExtendingtheBasicSentence

ExtendingtheBasicSentence1:AddingTogetherIndependentClausesExtendingtheBasicSentence2:AddingDependentClausesNewSentenceStructuresTakeTimetoReflect

Section5:ThePowerofComposition:PuttingitAllTogether

Chapter13:MakingSentencesMove

ACommandofSyntacticStructures

OptionsforCompositionTakeTimetoReflect

Chapter14:WritinginRhythm

TheMusicofLanguageTakeTimetoReflect

Section6:UsingYourPower

Chapter15:PowerandResponsibility

TheDanceofWritingTheJourneyTowardsMasteryPracticingintheWorkTheBenefitsofTheMasteryPathFromPlaytoDeliberatePracticeMovingOn

ForFurtherReadingAcknowledgments

Welcome

So,youwanttowrite—ortowritebetter.Perhapsyoudreamofproducinganovelormemoirsocompellingthatmajorpublisherswillfightoverit.Perhapsyouhopetohaveyourpoemsacceptedbyasmallpress.PerhapsanessayinTheNewYorkTimesisyourgoal,orperhapsyouwanttoself-publishyourwork.YoumaybeenrolledinanMFAprograminwriting;youmaybelearningtowriteonyourown,orwiththehelpofawriters’supportgroup.Orperhapsyouaresomeonewhohasalwaysyearnedtowritebuthasneverquitedaredtotakethefirststep.Whereveryoustandnowasawriter—whetheryouarejustgettingstartedorhavebeenwritingforsometime—thisbookisforyou.

Itwillprovideyouwithsomethingyoucan’tgetanyplaceelse:afocused,classroom-testedtrainingprogramthatwillteachyoutowritespellbindingsentences.

“Sentences?”youmayask.“WhyshouldIcareaboutsentences?I’mnotinterestedinallthatboringgrammarstuff!”

Butthisisnotagrammarbook;it’sabookaboutthepowerofwords.Itwillteachyou—inadown-to-earth,practicalway—howtomakethatpoweryourown.

Youmaynotbelieveyouneedthatpower.Youmayhavebeentoldthatwhatreallycountsinwritingisstory,ortheabilitytodigdeepinsideyourselfandbetotallyhonestaboutwhatyouuncover.Youmaybelievethatifyoucanonlycomeupwitharivetingplot,someeditorwill“fix”allthewritingforyou.Butthetruthisthatstory,byitself,isjustnotenough—andprofessionalliteraryagentsandeditors,beingbusypeople,wouldmuchratherworkwithwriterswho’vemasteredtheircraft.

Thesedays,mostwritinginstructionfocusesonlarge-scalecraft:characters,plot,setting,andsoon—and,yes,youcertainlyneedthisknowledge.

Butifyoucan’tcommunicateyourstorytoreaders,ifyoucan’tuselanguagewithsuchskillthatreadershavetokeepturningthepages,thennoonewillspendmorethanafewminuteswithyourwork.Ifyouwanttokeepyourreadersspellbound,thenyoualsoneedtolearnthe“small”craftofwriting:theskillsofchoosingwordsandarrangingthemintocoherentandpowerfulsentences.Thisbookwillteachyoutheseskills.

Asaguidetoimprovingskills,thisisnotabookjusttoread:It’sabooktodo.Youcan’tbecomeabetterviolinistortennisplayersimplybyreadingaboutthoseactivities;youmustputbowtostringsorrackettoballonaregularbasis.Soitiswithwriting:Ifyouwanttodevelopyourskills,youmustpractice.There’srealworkinvolved.Thisworkdoesn’trequirealotoffancyequipment—notevenacomputer.Andyoudon’tneedlongstretchesofemptytime.Whatyoudoneedisaneagernesstolearn,andawillingnesstoputsomeattentionandenergyintowritingpractice.

Inthepagesthatfollow,Iwillbeyourwritingcoach.Likeaviolinteacherortenniscoach,Iwillshowyouhowtodevelopyourskills,provideyouwithexercises,andexplainhowtodothoseexercises.Likeanycoach,Iwillrepeatimportantprinciplesoverandover,becauserepetitionisessentialtolearning.Justasatennisorbaseballcoachcontinuallyremindshisstudents,“Keepyoureyeontheball!”Iwilltellyouagainandagaintorelax,tolistentoyourwordsandsentences,topayattentiontohowprofessionalwritersuselanguage.

Whenaprofessionalwriterisatwork,hismindisbusymakingchoices,choicesaboutcontent—WhatdoIwanttowriteabout?WhatmaterialshallIuse?Willthispieceofwritingbeapoemoranessay?Whoismyaudience?—andchoicesaboutlanguage—WhatworddoIneedhere?HowcanImakeapicturesomyreaderwillseeit?Isthissentencetoolong?Someofthesechoicesaretheresultofconsciousthought,butmanyofthem,especiallyintherealmofcraft,aretheresultoftraining.Trainingiswhatcreatesprofessionals.Withabaseballgameontheline,forexample,aprofessionalcenterfieldercantrackaflyballperfectlyandmakethecatch,becausehismindandmuscleshavebeen

trainedtochoosetherightmoves.Inthesameway,whenanexperiencedwriterdraftsandrevisesapiece,hermindcancomeupwitheffectivewordsandsentenceconstructions,becauseshehastrainedthemental"muscles"thatmakethosechoices.

Evenmoreimportant:Becausetheyhaveconsciouslytrainedthemselvesinthecraftofmakingsentences,professionalwritershavefarmorechoicesavailabletothem.Withoutthattraining,aspiringwritersarestuckinarut:Theyusethesamewords,thesamesentencestructures,overandover,withoutevenrealizingit.Thisbookwillopenyourmindtoaworldofpossiblewordchoicesandsentenceconstructions,sothatyou,too,canwritelikeaprofessional.

Thebookisorganizedlikemyworkshop,TheArtoftheEnglishSentence,whichIteachinanMFAinCreativeWritingprogram.Itschapterswilltakeyou,step-by-step,throughinformationandpracticesthatwillincreaseyourunderstandingofhowwordsandsentenceswork.Thetwomainsectionsofthebookfocus,inturn,ondiction(theskillofchoosingwords)andonsyntax(theskillofarrangingthosewordsintoeffectivesentences).Havingpracticedtheseskills,we’llthenexploresomemoreadvancedcompositionaltechniques.

Myapproachhereisbothhighlyspecificandgenerouslyopen-ended.Allthepracticesaredesignedtobeequallyavailable—andhelpful—tobothbeginningandmoreexperiencedwriters.Soyoucanusetheminwhateverwaysyouwish,andyoucankeepreturningtothemovertime,asyourneedsanddesireschange.

WhatIofferhereisnotacollectionofrules(that’swhatgrammarbooksarefor),butaselectionofbasictoolsthatskilledprofessionalwritersusetocraftsentences.Ihavenotincludedeverypossibletechnique;rather,Ihavetriedtopresentthismaterialinsuchawaythatanyinterestedwriter,beginningorexperienced,candevelopasolidfoundationinsentence-makingskills.Withthisfoundationinplace,youcaneasilygoontoexploremoreadvancedorexperimentalapproaches.Attheendofthebookyou’llfindalistofresourcesforfurtherlearning.

Ajourneytowardsmastery,inwritingasinanyotherfield,isasourceofpleasure.Toacquireexpertiseistogainconfidenceinoneselfandone’sabilities,tofeelasenseofpower.Andwhenyouhavelearnedhowtowieldthatpowerwithwords,thenthepleasurewillnotbeyoursalone:Itwillalsobeyourreader’s.

Section1

TheMasteryPath

Masteryisthemysteriousprocessduringwhichwhatisatfirstdifficultbecomesprogressivelyeasierandmorepleasurablethroughpractice.

—GeorgeLeonard,Mastery:TheKeystoSuccessandLong-TermFulfillment

Whatmakescertainpeoplereallygoodatusinglanguage?Whatgivesthemtheabilitytochoosejusttherightwords,tocraftpiecesofwritingmadeupofoneeloquentsentenceafteranother?

Mostofusaresureweknowtheanswertothesequestions:innatetalent—anaturalabilitysopowerfulthatsuccessinaparticularfieldcomeseffortlessly.Wheneverweencounterpeoplewhoaregreatatwhattheydo—betheywritersormusicians,athletesorinventors—weassumetheywerebornwiththeirabilities.Mostaspiringwriterslookattheworkofgreatauthors,sigh,andsay,“IwishIhadthatkindoftalent.”

Butinthescientificfieldofexpertisestudies,researchershavebeendemonstrating,overandover,thatnaturaltalentisamyth.They’vestudiedchessplayersandwriters,artistsandfirefighters,tennisplayersandviolinistsandnurses,andpeopleinmanyotherfields—andinnoneofthesestudiesdidtheyfindevidenceofanyonewhowas“borngreat”atsomeactivity.

ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,thepreeminentresearcherinthefieldofexpertisestudies,hasspentdecadesstudyingpeoplewhoachievegreatness.Heconcludesthatgeniusorexpertise“isn’tmagic,anditisn’tborn.Ithappensbecausesomecriticalthingslineupsothatapersonofgoodintelligencecanput

inthesustained,focusedeffortittakestoachieveextraordinarymastery.”1

Those“criticalthings”includegettingstartedearlyinlife,findinggreatteachers—andpractice,practice,practice.

Fewofushavethegoodfortunetofindourchosenpathearly.Butnomatterhowoldweare,weallcanmakeuseofthepowerfullearningtoolofpractice.Practicequiteliterallychangesourbrains.That’sbecausethehumanbrainhasanimportantcharacteristicknownasits“plasticity”—its“built-in

capacitytobecome,overtime,whatwedemandofit.” Whenweengageinpracticeundertheguidanceofaknowledgeablecoach,astopmusiciansandathletesdo,newneuralconnectionsarecreatedinourbrains;webecomeabletodothingsthatwecouldnotdobefore.

Thesedays,manyaspiringwritersareheldbackfromachievingtheirpotentialbecausethey’vebeentold,“Justkeepwriting.Eventuallyyou’llgetbetter.”Thissimplyisn’ttrue.Noamountofjustswingingthebatwillturnsomeoneintoamajor-leaguebaseballplayer.Noamountofsingingintheshowerwillmakesomeoneaprofessionaloperasinger.Ifyouwanttobecomegreat—orevenjustgood—atanactivity,youneedateacherorcoachtoshowyoutheskillsyouneedtopractice—andthenyoumustpracticethem,overandover,andover.Indoingso,youleavethemythofinnatetalentfarbehind,andinsteadyousetyourfeetonthepathtomastery.

InChapter1,IexplainhowIdevelopedmypractice-basedapproachtowritinginstruction.ThenIturntowhatpracticereallyisandhowtogetthemostoutofdoingit.Ifyouwanttostartpracticingrightaway,Chapter3setsoutagroupofbasicpracticesthatwilllaunchyouonyourlearningjourney.

1 …toachieveextraordinarymastery.ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,quotedinDodds,David,“E=MC2,”TheAge,2006.

2 …whatwedemandofit.DavidShenk,TheGeniusinAllofUs,p.30.

2

Chapter1

MasteringtheCraft

Craftenablesart.—UrsulaK.LeGuin

Skilledprofessionalsmakewhattheydolookeasy:Thinkofamajor-leaguehitterdrivinganinety-six-mile-per-hourfastballovertheoutfieldwall,orasopranosingingahighC.Thinkofyourfavoriteauthorcomposingoneeloquent,magicalsentenceafteranother.Itcanbehardtoseethroughtheapparentlyeffortlessarttotheskillsunderneath.Thisisespeciallysowithwriting,wherewecan’tgetinsideawriter’smindtoseethechoicesbeingmadeasheworks.

Writinginstructionthesedaystendstofocusonthefinishedproduct:Inthousandsofworkshopsandclasses,draftsare“workshopped,”critiqued,discussed,revised.Whatinterestsme,though,isnotwhatwewrite,norwhywewrite,butwhatweareactuallydoingwhenwewrite.Whatskillsareweusing?Whatisitthatprofessionalwritersknowhowtodothatinexperiencedwritersdonot?

Thesequestionshavepreoccupiedmeformostofmyteachinglife.MybreakthroughcameonenightmanyyearsagowhenIwaslisteningtoaBostonRedSoxbaseballgameontheradio.Irealizedthathittingabaseballisacomplexskill.Ithoughtabouthowathletes(andmusicians)train.Theircoachesbreakdowncomplexskillslikehittingabaseballorplayinganinstrumentintotheircomponentparts.Thentheyteacheachoneofthosecomponentskills,oneatatime,untileventuallytheentirecomplexskillismastered.Soanaspiringmajor-leaguehittermightstartbypracticingkeepinghiseyeontheball,then

workonthepositionofhisfeetasheswings,thenaddthetwotogether.Asingermightbeginbypracticingthepitchesofthediatonicscale,thenlearntoarticulatelanguagesounds,thencombinethetwo.Asthesethoughtswentthroughmymind,itsuddenlybecamecleartomethat,onceyoucanbreakdownanycomplexskillintoitscomponentsubskills,then—ah,then!—youcanteachthoseskills.Soitiswithsportsandmusic;so—Irealizedatthatmoment—itcanbewithwriting.Fromthatnighton,Idevotedmyselftodevelopingapractice-basedapproachtoteachingwritingskills,oneInowcallTheMasteryPathforWriters.

Butwhatarethecomponentskillsthatmakeupthecomplexworkofwriting?Ittookmemanyyearsofteachingandthinkingtocomeupwithasatisfactoryanswertothatquestion.Naturally,othershadanticipatedme.Oneofthem,thenineteenth-centuryEnglishwriterMatthewArnold,describedtheworkofwritinglikethis:“Havesomethingtosay,andsayitaswellaspossible.”Ieventuallyputitthisway:Whenwewrite,weneedtwomainsetsofskills—“contentskills”and“craftskills.”Contentskillsarethosewerelyontocomeupwiththingstosay:Theydependonthewell-trainedmentalfacultiesofcreativity,imagination,memory,curiosity,andothers,aswellasonourabilitytoestablishanaturalrelationshipwithourreaders.Craftskillsdepend,amongotherthings,onanunderstandingofhowtouselanguagewithprecisionandpower.

Contentandcraftskillsaretheyinandtheyangofwriting:Youhavetohaveboth.Everygoodwritermustbeabletocomeupwiththingstosay,andmusthaveskillwithwordstocommunicatethosethings.So,whatarewedoingwhenwewrite?Weareexercisingourcontentandcraftskills…or,atleast,we’redoingthatifweindeedpossessthoseskills.

Havingbeenawritingteacherfordecades,Iknowthatmanyaspiringcreativewritersaresobusychurningoutpagesofworks-in-progressthattheyhavenevertakenthetimetolearnanddeveloptheirskills.Butifyoujustkeep

doingthesamethingoverandover,areyoureallygoingtogetanybetter?There’sanotherway—amuchbetterway—tobecomeagoodwriter.

MasteringaWriter’sSkills

Ifyou’veeverlearnedtoplayamusicalinstrument,orasport,you’llrememberyourteacherorcoachshowingyouthecomponentpartsofacomplexskillandhowtopracticeeachoneseparatelybeforeputtingthemtogether.Thescientificresearchersstudyinghowcertainpeopleachievegreatnesshavenowdemonstratedthatthiskindofteachingandlearningisessentialtoacquiringexpertise.

Justlikeathletesandmusicians,writerscanbreakdownthecomplexactivityofwritingintoitscomponentskills;wecanpracticeeachskillonitsown,thencombineitwithothers.Ourcontentskillscanbedevelopedthroughpracticesthattrainourcreativity,ourpowersofobservationandimaginationandcuriosity,oursubconscious,ourstorytellingvoice,ourabilitytobeinrelationshipwithourreaders.I’veprovidedsuchpracticesinmyfirstbook,HowtoBeaWriter:BuildingYourCreativeSkillsThroughPracticeandPlay.Whenwedothesepractices,wedon’tthinkaboutourwordsatall;weconcentrateonusingwhicheverfacultywearetryingtotrain.

Aswriterswealsoneedpracticeinshapingourwork.Weneedtoknowhowanovelworks,ifwewanttowriteone,orhowapersonalessayisbestconstructed,ifthat’sourchosengenre.Ifyouneedskillsinthisarea,thereareplentyofhow-tobooksavailabletohelpyou.

Finally,weneedtoknowhowtousetheEnglishlanguage,withprecisionandwithpower.Overthethreedecadesofmyteachingcareer,Ihavelearnedthatmanyaspiringwritershavenoideahowlanguageworksorhowtouseitwell.Theymayhavegreatideas,theirmindsmaybefilledwithwonderfulstories—buttheycan’tcommunicatethoseideasorstoriesbecausetheydon’t

knowanythingaboutwords!Theydon’tknowthatwordshavedifferentqualitiesandhistoriesandmusic;theydon’tknowallthevariouswayswordscanbepatterned.Intheirignoranceoftheirmedium,theyarelikewould-bepaintersblindtothedifferencebetweencadmiumredandcobaltblue,orsculptorsunabletofeelthedifferencebetweengraniteandmarble.

Sohere,inthisbook,I’llbeinvitingyoutosetasideallyourideasandstories,allyourknowledgeofgenre,andtoconcentrateentirelyonlanguage.I’llbeaskingyoutoletgoofwhatIcall“contentmind”andinsteadputallyourenergyandattentionintolearningtouseyour“wordmind.”I’llbeshowingyouhowtotakealearningjourneyintotherealmofwhatIliketocall“wordcraft”or“sentencecraft.”

Onthisjourneyyou’llacquire,throughguidedpractice,expertiseintwoareas:choosingwords(diction),andarrangingwordsintoeffectivesentences(syntax).You’llalsogetanintroductiontosentencerhythm,oneelementofthemusicoflanguage.(AlthoughIlovethewholeworldofverbalmusic,it’sasubjectthatneedsitsownbook.)

Inordertodevelopthepracticesinthisbook,Ihadtodothemmany,manytimes,bymyselfandwithstudents.Icanassureyouthat,donefaithfullyandwithattention,theywillmakeyouabetterwriter.

First,you’llvastlyexpandyourrepertoireofchoicesforwordsandsentenceconstruction.

Second,asyouexperimentwithmakingthesechoicesduringpractice,you’llgraduallydiscovertheonesyouprefer,theonesthatsoundandfeel“right”toyou.Andby“right”Idon’tmeanmeregrammaticalcorrectness(thoughthatisimportant);Imean“right”inthesensethatthosechoicesgiveyourwritingpowerandletyouarticulateyourvisions,tellyourstories,keepyourreaderspellbound…inshort,“right”inthesenseofmakingsuccessfulmagicwithlanguage.

Third,overtime,you’llfindyourselfabletomakethesechoiceswhileyouareengagedinwritingorrewritingadraft.Havingtrainedyourskillsinpractice,

youcannowusetheminyourwork.Fourth,asyouexerciseandtrainyourcraftmuscles,youwillalsobe

strengtheningandfreeingyourcreativity.Contrarytoaprevalentview,creativityisnotsimplyself-expression.Itisnotjust“goingwiththeflow.”Creativityismakingsomething,bringingsomethingintotheworldthatdidnotexistbeforeyoumadeit,whetherthat“something”beahand-knitsweater,orahandmadetable,orapoem,orasentence.Itisthroughthismaking,andonlythroughthismaking,thatyoufindyourselfasawriter.PamAllen,aprofessionalknitterandwriter,tellsnoviceknitters:"Creativityislessaboutbeingbornwithafriendlymuseandmoreaboutputtingtimeandeffortintodevelopingknow-how.Granted,momentsofinspirationcanwakeyouupat4:00inthemorning,butrarelydotheyhappenunlessyoufirstlaythegroundwork.…Bylearning,

practicing,andmasteringyourartandcraft,youbecomecreative.” Herwordsapplytowritersaswell.Throughthedisciplineoflearningthecraft,throughtrainingandexercisingyourlinguisticabilities,youfreeyourcreativity.

Fifth,themoreyoupracticemakingchoicesindictionandsyntax,themoreyoudiscoveryourauthenticvoiceonthepage.Likecreativity,theconceptof“writer’svoice”hasinrecentyearsbecomehostagetopsychology.Writersinsearchofvoiceareexhorted—sometimesevenpressured—todigdeepintotheirpsyches,toexcavatetheirworstmemories.Thisisnonsense.ListeninsteadtoJohnFairfaxandJohnMoat,foundersofthewell-respectedArvonwriters’workshopsinEngland:Voice,theysay,isawriter’s“individualuseoflanguagewhichenableshimatlasttocomeatthematerialwhichonlyhecanexpress.Itis

thehallmarkoftheaccomplishedwriterandhisorheruniqueauthority.”Awriter'svoice,then,istheresultofthechoicesawritermakesabout

wordsandabouthowtoputthemtogether.Someofthesechoicesare,naturally,unconscious.Butthemoreyoubecomeawareofthepossibilitiesoflanguageopentoyou,themoreyouexpandyourrepertoireofchoices.Andso,asyoulearnmoreabouthowtomakethesechoices,andasyouexperimentwith

1

2

makingthemindifferentsituations,youwillalso,inevitably,developyourownindividualvoice—orstyle—onthepage.

Makingthesechoices,letmeassureyou,isnotachore,onceyougetthehangofit.Onthecontrary,toexerciseyourskillwithwordsisoneofthegreatpleasuresofbeingawriter.Thinkofthesatisfactionatennisplayerfeelswhenhisracketmeetstheballatpreciselytherightangleandsendsitjustoutofreachofhisopponent;thinkofthesatisfactionavocalistfeelswhenshehitsahighnotedead-on.Writersgetthatsamesenseofsatisfactionwhentheyfindexactlytherightwordorphrasetomakeasentencesingortodrivehomeitsmeaning.

IfIhaven’tyetconvincedyouthatmasteringthecraftofsentencesisaworthwhileendeavor,letmeaddafewmorebenefitstothelist:

1. Learningsentencecraftwilldefinitelymakeyouabetterwriter.Youwilldevelopaconsciousunderstandingoftheskillsyouneedtowritewell,andifyouconscientiouslypractice,thoseskillswillserveyoueverytimeyousitdowntoproduceapieceofwriting.Ifyourgoalasawriterispublication,masteryofsentencecraftwillsetyouapartfrommanyotheraspiringwriters.

2. Learninghowtocraftsentencesisempowering.Beingabletomakeuseofthepowerofwordswillmakeyouastrongerandmoreconfidentperson,onthepageandinyourlife.

3. Workingwithwordskeepsyourbrainalive.Ifwedon'tmakeregularuseofourlanguageabilities—ifwedon'texerciseandstretchthoseparticular“muscles”inourbrains—thoseabilitieswilldisappear.Evenifwenevergetpublished,keepingourlanguageabilities“inshape”meansthatwekeepourbrainsactiveandhealthy.

4. Learningthecraftofsentence-makingispleasurable.Justlikeplayingtennisforfun,orsinginginachoir,playingwithwordsisanenjoyableactivity.Andthemorewelearnabouthowwordswork,thebetterwe

understandwhatwriterswelovearedoingonthepage—whichdeepensourenjoymentoftheirwork.

5. Learninghowtomakepowerfulsentenceswillgiveyouskillsyoucanuse,ifyouwish,tobenefitothers.Whenyouknowyoucancommunicatewell,youwillhavetheconfidencetospeakabout,andwriteabout,mattersthatareimportanttoyou.

6. Learningtomakeskillfulsentencescanleadtosuccessinworkandinlife.Severalrecentstudieshaveshownthatemployersratelackofwritingskillsasthenumberoneproblemwiththeiremployees.Ifyoumasterthecraftofsentence-making,youwillprovideyourselfwithahighlymarketableskill.

WhatYouNeedtoMasterSentenceCraft

Masteringthecraftofmakingsentencesrequiresverylittleinthewayofequipment:adictionary,athesaurus,agrammarbookforreferencepurposes,andanotebookandpen,oracomputer.

Whatyoureallyneedaretwothings:adesiretolearn,andawillingnesstopractice.

Iurgeyouaswelltoconsiderabandoningagreatdealofwhatyouwereprobablytaughtinschoolaboutwriting.Letyourselfbeginanewintheworldofwords,usingonlyyourdesiretolearnandyourinnateabilitytoplaywithwordsandmakesentences.

Oneofthemostwonderfulthingsaboutwritingisthatit’snevertoolatetobegin,ortobeginagain.Ifyouwanttoplayfootball,ortosingopera,youmighthaveahardtimegettingstartedwiththoseactivitieslaterinlife.But(givengoodhealth)ourlanguagebrainremainswithusallourlives,andit’snevertoolate—ortooearly—towakeitupanduseit.

There’salottolearnaboutthecraftofusingwords;thisbookaimsonlytopresentsomebasics.Atthesametime,learningthebasicscantakeyoufaron

yourjourneyasawriter.Andtolearnthesebasics,allyouneedtodoispracticethem.

1 …youbecomecreative.PamAllen,KnittingforDummies(ForDummies,2002)p.10.

2 …andhisorheruniqueauthority.JohnFairfaxandJohnMoat,TheWaytoWrite,p.3.

Chapter2

ClaimingYourPower:LearningThroughPractice

Mostpeoplewon’trealizethatwritingisacraft.Youhavetotakeyourapprenticeshipinitlikeanythingelse.

—KatherineAnnePorter

Practiceisnotsomethingjusttoreadabout;it’ssomethingtodo.That’sacentralthemeofthisbook,andIrepeatithere(asIwillfrequently

intheupcomingpages)becausemostofusareusedtolearningthroughstudy,notpractice.We’reusedtoreadingandtakingnotes,perhapsthinkingaboutwhatwe’vereadortalkingaboutitwithotherpeople.Ifwe’reinschool(inaliberalartsprogram),weshowwe’vestudiedwellbyproducingtermpapersortakingexams.Rarely,ifever,inourprogressthroughtheconventionalacademicsystem,dowedoanythingwithwhatwe’vestudied.

Inotherfields,though—sports,ormusic,orpracticalarts—learningthroughpracticerules.Basketballplayerspracticeshootingbaskets.Jazzmusicianspracticescalesandintervals.Aspiringcooksapprenticethemselvestomasterstolearntheirskills.Evenpeoplelearningaforeignlanguagedevotethemselvestopractice.Thisisadifferentwaytolearnfromtheonemostofusareusedto.Different,and—whenitcomestolearninghowtowrite—much,muchbetter.

Imagine,ifyouwill,agroupofkidswhowanttolearnhowtoplaybaseball.Thecoachspendsanhourwiththem,threetimesaweek,andtheytalkaboutbaseball.Theylearnitshistoryandreadaboutstarplayers;theywatch

filmsofoutstandingplays;theyhavediscussionsaboutwhatmakescertainplayersgreat.Andthentheygoouttoplayagame.Howwellwilltheyplay?

Youmaylaughattheabsurdityofthisexample;butreplace“baseball”with“writing”andyouhaveaprettygoodideaofwhatgoesoninmostliteratureandwritingclasses:Peopletalkaboutwriting;theydon’tdoit.Butthedomainofliteraryanalysisandtheoryandcriticismisnotthesameasthedomainofwriting;andso,ifwewanttoimproveourwritingskills,wehavetoexerciseourwritingmuscles,notourabilitytodiscussandcritique.Wehavetopracticedoingwhatskilledwritersdo.

Andthetruthisthatrealwritersdopractice:Theykeepnotebooksandsketchbooks,justlikevisualartists.Theywritelotsofpiecesthattheyneverpublish,totryoutideasandtechniques,todeveloptheirskills.Sincethesepiecesremainunpublished,wedon’tgettoreadthem,soweassumethata“realwriter”issomehowbornbeingabletowritewell.Oncewegiveupthisassumption,though,wearefreetousethepowerfullearningtoolofpractice,justasprofessionalsdo.

So,ifyoubelievethatimprovingyourwritingskillsmeanslearninghowtothinkandtalkaboutwriting,Iinviteyounowtoabandonthatidea.Iencourageyou,insteadtofocusonlearningtowritethroughpractice.

WhatIsPractice?

Formanypeople,thewordpracticemeans“mindlessdrill”—memorizingthemultiplicationtablesoralltheprefixesintheEnglishlanguage.Butdrillandpracticearenotthesameatall.

Tobeginwith,practiceisplay:It’sdoingsomethingoverandoveragainbecauseyouwantto,becauseyouenjoytheactivity,becauseyourmindiscompletelyengaged.Manyfamouswritersspentcountlesshappyhoursinchildhoodwritingpoemsandstories;theBrontësisters(andtheirbrother),for

instance,producedanumberofminiatureillustratedbooksoftheirownstories.Manyofus,though,werenotsofortunate.Welearnedtowriteinschool,whereourwritingwasalmostalwaysjudgedandgraded;webecameusedtodoingwhatIcall“performance”writing,writingthatcounts.Asadults,manyofuscontinuetowriteunderperformanceconditions,tryingtoproducesomethinggood,somethingotherswillpraise.Butperformanceconditionsusuallycreateanxiety,whichinterfereswithourcreativityandmakesithardforustowritewell.Afteryearsofwritingunderperformanceconditions,itcanbedifficultforus,especiallythoseofuswhoareadults,toallowourselvesthefreedomtoplaywithwords.

Butaplayfulattitudeis,I’mconvinced,essentialtolearningthroughpractice.Idon’tmeanthatwritingpracticeshouldn’tbetakenseriously;Imeanthatyou’llgetthemostoutofitifyoubringtoit,notthejudgmentalattitudeofanold-fashionedEnglishteacher—Oh,Ididthatwrong!—buttheengagedcuriosityofahealthychild—IwonderwhatwillhappenifItryTHIS?

Toletyourselfplaywithwriting,rememberthatpracticeistotallydifferentfromperformance.Practicewritingisalwaysprivatewriting.Noonewilleverseeitunlessyoudecidetoshareit.Whenyousitdowntopractice,ifyoufindyourselftenseoranxious,rememberthatpracticewritingisnotforotherpeople;it’syourownprivateplayingfieldwhereyougettofoolaround,experiment,andseewhathappens.

Forsomeofyou,though,thisremindermaynotbeenough.Afteryearsofwritinginschooloratwork,youmayhavecreatedaninternaljudge,orcritic,whowaitsinsideyoutocriticizewhateveryouputonthepage.Iurgeyoutodoyourbesttoignorethisjudgeasyoupractice.(Spendingtimewiththeexerciseattheendofthischapterwillhelp.)Theseinnerjudgeskillourspirit,andtheircriticism—That’sterrible!Youcan’twrite!—interfereswiththesimplenoticingofwhatis(orisn’t)thereinourwords,anactivitythatallowsustolearnandmoveforward.Whenthatinnerjudgeraiseshisvoice,keeptellingyourselfI’monlypracticing.

Ifyouareplaguedbyaninnercritic,oryou’vehadunpleasantexperienceswithwriting,oryougetanxiouswhenyouwrite,oryou’djustliketofoolaroundwithwordsforawhile,thenyoumaywanttoletyourfirsttimethroughsomeorallofthepracticesbeguidedentirelybythespiritofplay.

PracticeasLearningWithplayasourfoundation,wecanusepracticeasalearningtool.Oneoftheessentialcharacteristicsofapracticeactivityisthatitisdesignedtoberepeated,notjustoncebutmanytimes.That’sbecauserepetitionembedsthingsinourbrains;repetitionactuallychangesthenatureofourbrains.AsDanielCoyle,authorofTheTalentCode,explains,“Everyhumanskill,whetherit’splayingbaseballorplayingBach,iscreatedbychainsofnervefiberscarryingatiny

electricalimpulse—basically,asignaltravelingthroughacircuit.” Themorewepracticeaskill,themorewedevelopthesecircuitsinourbrains.OneofCoyle’ssources,aneminentneurologist,says,“Allskills,alllanguage,allmusic,allmovements,aremadeoflivingcircuits,andallcircuitsgrow

accordingtocertainrules.” Aslongasourbrainsremainhealthy,wecankeep“growing”thesementalcircuitsandkeepacquiringnewskillsandimprovingtheoneswehave.Andthemoretimeandenergyweputintopractice,themoreourskills(andourbrains)willgrow.

Incentersallovertheworldwhereathletesandmusicianscometodeveloptheirskills,coachesandteachersareputtingtheprincipleoflearningthroughpracticeintoaction.Theyareteachingskillsinawaythatreflectshowthebrainlearnsbest,throughaprocessknownaschunking;namely,breakingdownacomplexskillintoitscomponentpartsandguidingstudentstolearnandpracticeeachpartseparately.DanielCoyle,whovisitedmanyofthesecenters,says,“Theinstincttoslowdownandbreakskillsintotheircomponentsisuniversal…[and]amassivebodyofscientificresearchshowsthatthisispreciselytheway

skillsarebuilt.” Chunkingexplainshowprofessionalsmakeadifficulttask

1

2

3

lookeasy:Overtime,havingpracticedthose“chunks”ofskillsoverandoverandover,theyarethenabletoputthemalltogetherandusethemwiththefluencyandeasethatisoneofthehallmarksofexpertise.

So,asyoudothepracticesinthisbook,Iurgeyounottorushthroughthem,evenifyouunderstandthematerialintellectually.Letyourselfslowdownsothatyourwholebrain—evenyourbody—canparticipateineachpractice.Inthatway,theparticular“move”eachpracticeisteachingwillbecomepartofyou,andeventually,whenyouusethat“move”tocomposeasentence,theresultwillappeareffortless.

Inthisbook,Ihavedonemybesttobreakdownthecomplexskillofcomposingsentencesintoitscomponentsubskillsandtogiveyouexercisestodevelopeachsubskillinturn.IhaveusedthisprogressionofexercisesinclassesoveranumberofyearsbecauseIthinktheearlierpracticesprovideasolidfoundationforthelaterones.Butifyouwishtocreateyourownlearningpaththroughthebook,youcancertainlydoso.Oneofthebestwaystodothatistoinventyourownpractices.

DeliberatePracticeOncewe’vebecomefamiliarwiththeprocessoflearningskillsthroughpractice,wecan,ifwelike,moveontoamorestrenuousformofpracticing,whatProfessorK.AndersEricssoncalls“deliberatepractice.”(Coylecallsit“deeppractice.”)Deliberatepracticeiswhatturnsamateursintoprofessionals.Amateurspractice,ofcourse,buttheydon’tengageindeliberatepractice.What’sthedifference?

Ericssonexplains:“Peoplewhoplaytennisonceaweekforyearsdon’tgetanybetteriftheydothesamethingeachtime.Deliberatepracticeisaboutchangingyourperformance,settingnewgoalsandstrainingyourselftoreachabithighereachtime.Itinvolvesyoudecidingtoimprovesomethingandsetting

uptrainingconditionstoattaintheskill…Thosewhogetbetterworkontheir

weaknesses.”LegendarygolferSamSneadwouldhaveagreedwithEricsson.“It’sonly

humannaturetowanttopracticewhatyoucanalreadydowell,”Sneadoncesaid,“sinceit’sahellofalotlessworkandahellofalotmorefun.”Butit’sthepeoplewhodevotethemselvestodevelopingskillstheydon’talreadyhavewhobecomeexperts.Sneadalsosaid,“WhenIwasyoung,I’dplayandpracticeallday,thenpracticemoreatnightbymycar’sheadlights.Myhandsbled.Nobody

workedharderatgolfthanIdid.”Deliberatepracticedemandshardwork,buthardworkbyitselfisnot

enough;youalsohavetoknowwhattoworkon.Sodeliberatepractice,firstofall,ishighlyfocused.AsDr.Ericssonexplains,deliberatepracticeisdeliberatebecauseitis“specificallydesignedtoimprovesomeaspectofanindividual’s

targetperformance.”Second,deliberatepracticedemandsachangeofattitude:nolackadaisical,

“oh—whatever”approachworkshere.Peopleengagedindeliberatepracticearegivingalloftheirattentionandenergy—everybraincell,everymuscle—tothatpractice.AsEricssonpointsout,“Forexpertperformers,there’salwayseffort.

Improvementisnevereffortless.” Atthesametime,suchpeoplearenotjudgingwhattheydo;insteadthey’renoticingwhat’sworkingandwhat’snotworking,andtheyareattemptingtobridgethegaptheyperceivebetweenwhattheycandoandwhattheywanttodo.Theybridgethisgapintwoways:bygettingaclearer,moredetailedunderstandingoftheaction,thesound,thekindofwordtheywant;andbytakingonevenmorefocusedpractice.Inotherwords,theypractice,notmindlesslyorrandomly,butstrategically.It’spracticestrategy(alongwithgoodcoaching,determination,andperseverance)thatseparatesexpertsfromamateursintherealmoflearning.Whenexpertsfail,saysonepsychologistwhostudieshowpeoplelearn,“theydon’tblameitonluckor

themselves.Theyhaveastrategytheycanfix.”

4

5

6

7

8

Third,deliberatepracticeinvolveschallengingyourselftomovepastthethingsyoucandoeasilyandintotherealmofwhatyoucan’tdo,orcan’tdowell.YouhavetogetcomfortablebalancingonwhatIliketocallyour“learningedge,”whereyouhaveonefootonthegroundofwhatyoualreadyknowhowtodo,andtheotherfootreachingforwardintotheunknown.Youalsohavetobewillingtotoleratethefrustrationofnotbeingabletodoapracticeactivitywellthefirstorsecondtimeyoutryit,somethingmanyadultshavedifficultywith.But,asIalwaystellmystudents,“Ifyou’renotfrustratedsomeofthetimeasyou’relearning,you’renotreallymovingforward.”Peoplewhobecomeexpertsintheirfieldhaveahightoleranceforthatkindoffrustration:Insteadofgivingup,assomanyofusdo,theyusefrustrationasaspurtoincreasedpracticeandlearning.

Finally,peoplewhoengageconsistentlyindeliberatepracticeeventuallybecometheirownteachers.Theyknowwheretheirstrengthsandweaknesseslie.They’vebecomeusedtomeasuringtheirperformanceagainstestablishedstandardsofexpertise,oragainsttheirownbestperformances,andtheyhavedevisedtheirownpracticestoimprovetheirskills.

Athletesandmusiciansintraininghavecoacheswhocanpointouttothemwhattheyaredoingwellandwheretheirskillsneedmorework.Naturally,abookcan’tprovidethatkindofindividualcoaching.Butskilledwritersarealwaysself-taught.Longbeforetheinventionofcreativewritingworkshops,writerslearnedtheirskillsfromthemasters,throughintensivereadingandimitation.Consequently,thepracticesinthisbookaredesigned,notonlytohelpyoulearn,butalsotoshowyouhowtoidentifyspecifictechniquesintheworkofprofessionalwriters;onceyoucanidentifythesetechniques,youcanimitatethemandmakethemyourown.

Asyouworkyourwaythroughthisbook,youwillacquirealargerepertoireofpractices,andyouwillalsobeencouragedtoinventyourown.Ifyouwish,then,youcanselectfromallthesepracticesanddesignyourown

learningprogram,customizedtoyourparticularneeds.Inbecomingyourownteacher,youwillfindyourownwaytoexcellence.

The“BeaWriter”Practice

Tobeginourjourneytowardswritingexpertise,westartwiththissimplepractice.Whatisthemostbasicthingthatwritersdo?Theyputwordsonpaper.Sowhenwepracticeputtingwordsonpaper,wearepracticingthefundamentalactivityofbeingwriters.

It'sessentialtoremember,indoingthispractice,thatpracticewritingisprivatewriting.Noonewillseethesewordsyouproduce;youdon'tevenhavetoreadthemoverafterwardsifyoudon'twantto.Sotry,asmuchasyoucan,torelaxasyouwrite.Youmayfindithelpful,beforeyoubegin,toconsciouslyrelaxyourmuscles,onegroupatatime,ortotakeafewdeepbreaths.Perhapsyouwanttositupstraightorstretchyourfingersbeforeyoubegin.

Now,sitdownwithapenandpaper,oratyourcomputer.Setatimerfortenminutes,orplaceaclocknearbybutnotdirectlyinyourlineofvision.

Inthispractice,youcanwriteanything.Youdon’thavetobeginwithasubjectoranidea.If,asyouwrite,youfindasubject,youdon'thavetostaywithit.Youdon'thavetocreateabeginning,middle,andend.Youdon’thavetowritelovely,coherentsentencesandparagraphs.

There'sonlyonethingyoumustdo:Youmustkeepthepen(oryourfingersonthekeyboard)moving,nomatterwhat.Youmustkeepputtingwordsonthepage.

Thismeansthatyoucan'tstoptothink,youcan'tgobackoverwhatyoujustwrotetofixerrors,youcan'tletyourmindwander.Ifyouhavetorepeatasentenceorawordinordertokeepwriting,that'sfine.IfyouhavetowriteThisissostupid,Ican'tbelieveI'mdoingit,that'sfine,too.Butyoumustkeepwriting(thoughthere'snoneedtowritefast).

Andnow—goahead:Takealittletimetobeawriter.

Whenyourtenminutes(ormore,ifyoulike)areup,graduallybringthewritingtoaclose.

Now,withoutsittinginjudgmentofyourwriting,noticethatforthelasttenminutesyouweredoingwhatwritersdo:Youwerepracticingputtingthoughtsonpaperusingwords.

Youcanusethisexercise,knownasfreewriting,inmanyways:towarmupbeforeyoustartworkonapieceofperformancewriting,togetideas,toexerciseyourmentalfaculties,toventyourfeelings,andmore.It’sgreatexerciseforwhatIliketocall“thecontentmind,”thepartofourmindsthatgivesusmaterialforpiecesofwriting.(Ifyou’dliketoknowmoreaboutdevelopingyourcontentmind,seemybookHowtoBeaWriter.)

Nowlet’sturntotheotherpartofourmindweneedinordertowrite:the“wordmind.”

TipsforEffectivePracticing

1. Relax.Youcan’tlearnwhenyou’retenseanddistracted,sowhenyousitdowntopractice,takeamomentortwotosetasideyourworriesandrelaxyourmindandbody.Ifyourmindischurning,taketenminutestoemptyallyourthoughtsontothepage,usingthefreewritingtechnique.Afterwards,ifyouwantto,tearupthepaperordeletewhatyou’vewritten.

2. Focus.Makesureyouknowwhereyou’regoingtodirectyourmentalenergy.Thatdoesn’tmeanyouknowaheadoftimehowapracticewillcomeout(you’relearning,afterall);itmeansthatyouremindyourselftoconcentrateonlyonthetechniqueathand.

3. Assess.Assessmenthereisnotjudgment;it’snotpraiseorcondemnation.It’slookingatwhatyouproducedinanexercise

andaskingyourself,“DoInowunderstandhowtodothistechnique?Ifnot,what’snotmakingsensetome?”Assessmentenablesyoutobecomeyourownbestteacher.Assessmentalsomeansthinkingaboutwhattodonext:Ifyou’renotsureyouunderstandatechnique,whatcanyoudo?Perhapsyouneedtorereadtheexplanationofthetechnique.Perhapsyouneedtoconsultawritingfriendoragrammarbook;perhapsyouneedtoseekexamplesofthetechniqueintheworkofprofessionalwriters.Orperhapsyouneedtoreturntoaprevioustechnique,makingcertainthatyouunderstanditbeforeonceagainmovingforward.

4. Repeat.Expertiseinanyactivitycomeswithrepetition;soitiswithwriting.Ifyouwantatechniquetobecomesecondnature,youneedtokeeppracticingit.

5. Takeyourtime.Buildingnewskillsdoesn’thappenovernight.Don’tbeinarush.

6. Challengeyourself.Ifyouareengagedindeliberatepractice,findwaystocombineexercisesorinventnewonesinordertomakeyourmindworkharder.

7. Practice“inthework.”Youcandowritingpracticeasaseparateactivity;youcanalsopracticeasyouworkonschoolorworkassignmentsoronprojectsyouchoose(letters,e-mails,blogposts,stories,poems,andsoon).Asyouwork,trytoexpandyourconcentrationsothatyoucancomeupwithwhatyouwanttosayandfocusonusingoneofthecrafttechniquesyouhavelearned.

1 …asignaltravelingthroughacircuit.DanielCoyle,TheTalentCode,p.5.

2 …allcircuits[can]grow.DanielCoyle,TheTalentCode,p.6.

3 …ispreciselythewayskillsarebuilt.DanielCoyle,TheTalentCode,p.80.

4 …workontheirweaknesses.ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,quotedinAnnaPatty,“WhyOnlytheRightKindofPracticeGetsAnywhereNearPerfect,”TheSydneyMorningHerald,May15,2006.

5 …harderatgolfthanIdid.QuotedinK.AndersEricsson,MichaelJ.Prietula,andEdwardT.Cokely,“TheMakingofanExpert,”HarvardBusinessReview,July-August,2007.

6 …someaspectofanindividual’stargetperformance.FromGreggSchraw,“AnInterviewwithK.AndersEricsson,EducationalPsychologyReview,Vol.17,No.4,December2005,p.397.

7 …Improvementisnevereffortless.ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,quotedinShelleyGare,“SuccessIsAllintheMind,”TheAustralian,January24,2009.

8 …astrategytheycanfix.Coyle,p.87.

Chapter3

TheBasicSentenceCraftPractices

Artbeginswithcraft,andthereisnoartuntilcrafthasbeenmastered.—AnthonyBurgess

Practicingwithour“contentmind”isgreatfun,andwithoutwell-developedcontentskills,suchasimaginationandcuriosity,wecan'tcomeupwithideasandmaterialforpiecesofwriting.Fromhereon,though,we’regoingtosetasideallconsiderationofcontentandfocusentirelyonlanguage.We'llfollowtheleadofcoachesinsportsandmusic,andconcentrateonlyononesetofskills:thoseneededtodevelopour“wordmind.”InthischapterIintroduceyoutosomebasicpractices,beginningwithonethatwillreacquaintyouwithyourwordmind.

BasicPractice#1:WakingUptheWordMind

Beginwithfreewriting,asintheexercisefromChapter2.Getyourpenmovingacrossthepage,oryourfingersacrossthekeyboard,withoutstopping.Remembertorelax;there’snorush.

Onceyoufeelcomfortable,seeifyoucanshiftyourmentalfocus:Turnyourattentionawayfromwhatyouaresayingtothewordsyouareusing.Atfirstyoumayfindthisdifficult;that’sfine.Justkeeptryingtobringyourmindbacktowords.Youmayalsofindthatyourwritingstopsmakingsense;that’sfine,too.(Ifagreatideaoccurstoyouwhileyouwork,however,byallmeans

writeitdown!)Youmayfindthatyoustopwritingsentencesaltogetherandmoveinsteadintolistingwords.

Tryasbestyoucantokeepfromjudgingthewordsthatcometoyou.Therearenorightorwronganswersinthispractice.Instead,asyouwrite,listentoyourwords;payattentiontowhatyouhear.Afterwardstakeamomentortwotoreflect,onpaperifyouwish,aboutwhathappenedwhenyoudidtheexercise.

Sometimespeoplefallinlovewiththispracticerightaway.Othertimestheymaysay,“Thatwashard!”You,too,mayfinditdifficult.Ifthat’sthecase,don’tgiveup!Chancesareverygoodthatyouhavenevertriedtowritethiswaybefore,withanawarenessofwords.Ifyourinnercriticspeaksup(Whatboringwordsyouhave!Howcouldyoueverbecomeawriter?),justignoreit.Instead,simplynoticethewordsyouuse,withoutjudgingthem:Oh,lookatthatbutandthatand…andhere’sanotherbut…!Letyourcuriosityandsenseofwonderkickin:Iwonderwherethewordandcomesfrom,anyway?Rememberthatthispracticeisdesignedsimplytostartyouonapathofawakeningtowords,nottoproduce“greatwriting.”

Mostofthetime,whenwewrite,wearefocusedonwhatwewanttosay;we’reusingourcontentmindsexclusively.Andmostofthetime,whenwewrite,ourwordmindsarefunctioningonautomatic.Ifwewanttogetbetteratusingwords,ourfirststepistobringintoconsciousawarenessthepartofourmindthatgivesusthosewords,evenifwe’renothappywithwhatitgivesus.

Remember,too,thatwritingisadancebetweencontentandcraft,betweenthecontentmindandthewordmind.Weneedtoknowhowtousebothpartsofourmindswhenwewriteandrewrite;weneedtoknowhowtomovebackandforthbetweenthem;weneedtoknowhowtohandlethoseoccasionalecstaticmomentswhenbothpartsareworkingsimultaneously.Toengageinthisdanceofwriting,weneedtolearnhowtoletwordslead,someofthetime.Andtoletwordslead,weneed,aboveall,tolistentothem.

WakingUpYourWriter’sEarAsyoudoBasicPractice#1,youmayfinditdifficult,atfirst,tohearthewordsyouuse.Weallhavetoprocesssomanywrittenwordseverydaythatwetendtorelyonspeedreading,orskimming.Atfirst,then,youmayfindithardtoslowdownenoughtonoticeyourwords.

Keeptrying.Ifyoufeelthatyourthoughtsareracing,makeaconsciousdecisiontomoveyourpen,oryourfingers,moreslowly.Asyoudothat,youwillbeabletobringyourfullattentiontoyourwords,atleastonceinawhile.

Andasyoukeepturningyourattentiondeliberatelytoyourwords,anamazingthingwillhappen:Yourwriter’searwillwakeup.Ratherthanspeedingthroughyourfranticmind,yourwordswilllinger,lettingyouhearandappreciatetheirindividualqualities,theirmeanings,theirsounds,theirrhythms.

Thewriter’searremindsusthatwordsarenotmerelymarksonapage;theyarelivingbeingswiththeirownidentities,theirowncharacteristics;theyaremadeofbreathandsound,aswellasmeaning.Whenwewakeupourwriter’sear,wordscomealiveinourminds;andwhenweuseourwriter’seartocomposesentencesandparagraphs,ourwordswillcomealiveinthemindsofourreaders.Ourbrainsandnervoussystemsstillworkthewaytheydidmillenniaago,whenourancestorslivedinoralcultures,withoutwriting.Anddespitemoderntechnology,mostpeopleretainan“innerear”forlanguage,evenonthepage.Theycanhearthesoundofawriter’svoice;sometimestheyevensubvocalize,movingtheirlipstoshapethewordstheyarereading,withoutmakingsounds.Whenthesewordscomealive,fullofbreathandsoundandenergy,readerswillrespondtotheirpower.

Everyskilledwriterhasahighlytrainedwriter’sear,whetherthatearhasbeentrainedunconsciously,throughreading,orthroughdeliberatepractice,oracombinationofboth.Ourwriter’searistheorganofthewordmind.Ourwriter’searcanbetunedintothemeaningofwords,aswellastheirmusic;itcantellushowbesttoarrangeourwordsintosentencesthatwillhavetheeffectweintend

onourreaders.Throughoutthisbook,Iwillbeencouragingyoutomakeconscioususeofyourwriter’sear.YoumaywanttotakeafewminutesnowtorepeatBasicPractice#1,withtheintentionofusingyourwriter’sear.

BasicPractice#2:KeepingaNotebook

Mostwriterskeepnotebooks,andyou’llneedoneforthepracticesinthisbook.Youcancertainlypracticeonthecomputer,ifyoulike,butit’sstillagoodideatohaveasmallnotebooktocarryaroundwithyou.Aportablenotebookletsyoupracticeanytimeyouhaveafewminutestospare.Anotebook,portableornot,letsyoukeepallyourpracticinginoneplace;anotebookmakesiteasyforyoutoreadthroughyourpracticingtodecidewhatyoumightwanttoworkonrightnow.Mostofall,anotebookgivesyouaneasywaytocollectwords.

GetintotheHabitofCollectingWords

Ifyoudothewakingupthewordmindpracticeonaregularbasis,youwillnoticethatyouarepayingmoreattentiontowords,boththewordsyoucomeupwithandthewordsthatcomeyourwayfromotherpeople.Youcan,ifyoulike,makeaconsciousdecisionnotonlytonoticethesewords,buttocollecttheonesthatappealtoyou.Anytimeyouhearorreadawordthatcallstoyou—fromconversationorradio,booksormagazinesoradvertising,oranywhereatall—writethatworddowninyournotebook.Youhavenowtakenthefirststeptowardsmakingthatwordyourown.

Aswithmanyendeavors,thisfirststepmaybethehardestforyou.Ittakesalittlebitofextraeffort—notallthatmuch,really—togetoutyournotebookandwritedownsomewords.But,aswithanypractice,onceyougetintothehabitofdoingthis,itbecomesveryeasy.Andthemoreyoudoit,themoreyourmindwillbegintoworkthewaythemindsofskilledwritersdo.

Goodwritersarepeoplewholovelanguage;oneofthereasonstheywriteisthatitgivesthemtheopportunitytospendalotoftimewithwords.Sotheynoticeandcollectwordsallthetime,exercisingandstrengtheningtheirwordmindsintheprocess.Youcandothis,too.Inthenextsectionyou'llhaveseveralopportunitiestopracticethiscollecting.Fornow,trythis:

Practice:UseYourNotebooktoCollectWords

Listentotheradioortelevision,orsomeonespeaking,withoutpayingattentiontothecontentofthewordsyouhear.Instead,useyourwriter’seartofocusonthewordsthemselves.Writedownanywordsthatstandoutforyou.

BasicPractice#3:ReadingasaWriter

Whenweread,mostofthetime,wearepayingattentiontocontent.Whatideasisthiswriterarticulating?Whatstoryisshetelling?Whatwillhappennext?Weareengagedwiththematerialwithourcontentminds.Butifwewanttobecomebetterwriters,wealsohavetoreadwithourwordminds.Todothat,weneedtoslowdownandsavorthewordsonthepage.

Whenwereadmoreslowly,whenwereallylistentoawriter’swordsandsentences,perhapseventakingthetimetoreadthemoutloud,anamazingthinghappens:Thosewords,thosephrases,thosesentencerhythmsenterourearsandlodgethemselvesinourwriter’sbrain.Theretheybecomepartofastorehouseoflanguagetechniqueswecanthendrawonwhenwewrite.

Thisprocesshappenslargelybelowthelevelofconsciousthought.Wecanlearnevenmoreeffectively,though,whenweactivelyapprenticeourselvestoafavoritewriter,bycopyingout,word-for-word,passagesfromherwork,orbygivingsomeofourpracticetimetowritingimitationsofhersentences.Longbeforeanyoneeverthoughtofcreativewritingcourses,aspiringwriterslearnedtheircraftbychoosingapublishedwriterasamodelandimitatinghiswork.

Perhapsyouthinkthatlearningthiswayisaformofplagiarism;Icanassureyouthatitisnot.Inanyfield—ballet,baseball,art—peoplelearnbyfindingmodelsofexcellenceandimitatingthem.Dr.Ericsson,thepreeminent

expertiseresearcher,assuresusthatweareall“prewiredtoimitate.” I’mquiteconvincedthataspiringwritersoftenflounderinpartbecausethepracticeofimitation,alearningtoolofinestimablevalue,hasbeenwithheldfromthem.

So,asyoureadyourfavoritewriter,Istronglyencourageyoutospendsometimenoticinghowsheuseslanguage.Thepracticesintherestofthisbookwillteachyousomespecificthingstolookfor:whatkindsofchoicesthiswritermakesaboutwords,whatchoicesshemakesaboutconstructingsentences.Themoreyoudevelop,throughpractice,yourunderstandingofhowwordswork,themoreyouwillbeabletolearnaboutsentencecraftfromtheworkofwritersyoulove.

Andthen,takesometimetoimitateasentenceortwo,oranentireparagraph.Ifyoulike,foreverypracticeintherestofthisbook,youcanexamineapassagebyafavoritewritertodiscoverthechoiceshemadeinthatparticularaspectofsentence-making.Thentrydoingthepracticethewayyouimaginethiswritermightdoit.

Practice:ReadwithYourWriter’sEar

Readapassagefromafavoritewriteroutloudandlistentothewords.Whatdoyounoticeabouthowthiswriteruseslanguage?

Practice:ImitateaModelofExcellence

Chooseawriterwhoseworkis,foryou,amodelofexcellence.Thisisyourchoice,onethatshouldnotbedictatedbycurrentacademic/literarytasteorthelatestbestsellers.Copyoutapassagefromaworkbyyourchosenwriter,andthen,asbestyoucan,imitatethosesentences.Youwillgetthemostoutofthisexerciseifyoufollowitwiththenextbasicpractice.

1

BasicPractice#4:ReflectingonYourPractice

Inadditiontolearningthroughimitation,humansalsolearnthroughreflection.Ifyoulike,taketimeduringyourpracticesessionstothinkover,inwriting,whathappenedasyoudideachexercise.Whatdidyounotice?Whatquestionsarecomingupforyouaboutlanguageandyouruseofit?Whatareyoulearning?Reflectinginthiswaygivesyouaplacetobringtoconsciousness,andtopreserve,whatyouarelearningrightnowaboutwordsandhowyouwanttousethem.

Thisreflectionpracticealsohelpsyoustayinchargeofyourownlearningjourney.Ithelpsyouseewhatstepsyouhavetakensofaronyourpathintheworldofsentencecraft.Ithelpsyouaskyourselfquestionsorarticulatehalf-formedthoughts.Andithelpsyouseewhereyoumightwantorneedtogonext.

Ifyoudon’twanttoreflectaftereachpractice,thentrytodoitattheendofapracticesession.Askyourselfquestions,ratherthanmakejudgments.TowriteMywritingstinks.I’llneverlearnhowtodothisistoputbouldersinyourownway.Instead,writeaboutwhatyouhavebeenlearning,andwhatyoumightwanttolearnnext.Youwillprobablybeamazedathowintelligentyourlearner’sintuitionisandwhatgoodsuggestionsithasforyou.

Iconsiderreflectiononlearningtobeanessentialpractice,onethathelpsyouintegratematerialandmoveforward,soattheendofeachchapteryou’llfindaremindertotakesometimetoreflect.

Practice:ReflectonYourJourney

Beforeweturntomorespecificpractices,youmaywishtoreflectonwhereyouarenowasawriterandwhatyouwouldliketolearnorhowyoucanbestengageinwritingpractice.Whatareyourparticularstrengthsasawriter?Whatskillsdoyoufeelyoumostneedtolearnanddevelop?

MakePracticePartofYourLife

Youcandothepracticesinthisbookanytimeonyourlearningjourney,andyouneednotsetasidehoursinwhichtodothem.Thinkabouthowyoucanbestfindaplaceforpracticeinyourlife.Ifyouarereadytotakeonthedisciplineofdeliberatepractice,thendailypracticingisessential.Butit’sdefinitelypossibletoimproveyourskills,evenifyourcircumstancesdon’tallowyouthetimeforrigorousdailypractice.Youcantaketenminuteshere,orfifteenminutesthere;themoreoftenyoucantaketime,evenalittlebitoftime,topractice,thebetter.And,aswithotherkindsofpracticing,youneedtogiveyourbrainachancetoassimilateyournewlearning.Youmayfindthatpracticingbeforeyougoforawalk,orbeforeyoumakedinner,givesyouanopportunityforassimilation.

Whatmattersaboveallisthedoingofthepractices,andthereflectingonthem.Writing,likeanyothercraft,islearnedbydoing.Youcanreadaboutit,ortalkaboutit,allyouwant,butyourabilitieswillneverimproveifyoudon’texercisethem.

Findingtimetopracticemaymeanchoosingtogiveupsomethingelse.Butbecausewakingupandexercisingthewordmindaresoinherentlypleasurable,Isuspectthatafterawhileyouwillbegintolookforwardtoyourpracticesessions,andtofeelthatdoingwritingpracticeisitsownreward.

Afterall,whereelseinourlivesdowegetthechancetopracticemakingmagic?

1 …prewiredtoimitate.K.AndersEricsson,quotedinCoyle,p.80.

Section2

ThePowerofDiction:ChoosingWords

Thatwasthetimewhenwordswerelikemagic…Awordspokenbychance

mighthavestrangeconsequences.Itwouldsuddenlycomealive

andwhatpeoplewantedtohappencouldhappen.Allyouhadtodowassayit.

—EdwardField,EskimoSongsandStories

Inmythsfromculturesallovertheplanet,theworldcomesintobeing—orsomepartofitdoes—throughlanguage.Lettherebelight,saystheGodoftheBible—andlightcomesintoexistence.Similarly,theInuitofCanadatellusthatonce,longago,theEarthwasalwaysindarkness.Thatwasatime,thestorygoes,“whenjustsayingawordcouldmakesomethinghappen.”Andinthattime,afoxandahareeachhadamagicword.Thefox'swordwasdarkness,becausehewantedittostaydarkallthetimesohecouldhunt.Thehare'swordwasday,becauseinthedaylighthecouldfindgrasstoeat.Thetwoarguedwiththeirmagicwords,backandforth—Darkness!Day!Darkness!Day!—untileventuallytheharewon,anddaycame.But,saysthestory,“Thewordofthefoxwaspowerfultoo,”sowhendaywasover,nightarrived.Andfromthenondayandnighttookturns,“thenighttimeofthefoxfollowingthedaytimeofthe

hare.”Suchstoriesexpressaprofoundbeliefinthepowerofwords,abeliefstill

heldbymanynativepeoples.“Ourlanguage,”sayscontemporaryindigenous

1

AmericanwriterSimonOrtiz,"isthewaywecreatetheworld.”Beforeyoudismissthisviewoflanguageasprimitive,considerthisscene:

Supposeyouarehavingdinnerwithafriend.Youspeak.“Passthebread,please,”yousay—andthebreadisputintoyourwaitinghand.Whenyouthinkaboutit,isthatnotaformofmagic?Allyoudidwasmakesomesounds,andyourwishwasgranted!Toseelanguageasakindofmagicisnotsillyor“primitive”atall;it’storecognizeabasictruth:Humanlanguageispowerfulstuff.

Wordscanmakethingshappeninotherpeopleandintheworld.Wordscanmakeatreebloominsomeone’smind,orpersuadesomeonetoplantone.Wordscanbringusnewthoughtsandgiveusimaginativeexperiencesweotherwisewouldnothavehad.Wordscantakeustoplaceswe’llnevervisitinreallife.Wordscanbringacharactertolife—orkilloneoff.Wordscaninform,illuminate,explain,persuade,describe,andmuchmore.Wordscanchangetheworld:ThinkabouttheDeclarationofIndependence,orMartinLutherKing’s“IHaveaDream”speech.Thereisnoendtothemagicthatwordscanmake.

Powerfulwordsdothingstopeople:Theytransferthewriter’smeaningprecisely,theypaintpicturesinthereader’simagination,theymovethereaderintellectuallyoremotionallyorphysically,orinallofthesewaysatonce.Skilledwritersarelikemagicians,capturingourmindswiththepoweroftheirspells.

Perhapsnowsomeofyouaresayingtoyourselves,“Yes,Iunderstandtheconceptthatwordscanmakemagic,butwhenIwriteIsuredon’tfeelthatmywordsdothat!”Don’tloseheart:Rememberthatyouhaveaninnate“languageintelligence,”whichyou’veprobablyneverhadachancetouseinaconsciousway.Youdon’thavetobebornwithaspecialgift;youcandeveloptheoneyouhave.Youdon’thaveto“knowalready”howtousethepowerofwords:Youcanlearn.

Tolearnhowtousethatpowerrequiresimmersingyourselfintheworldofwords,soyoucanreallygettoknowwords,knoweverythingyoucanabout

2

them,soyoucanchoosetheonesyouneed.Nooneisbornwiththisintimateknowledgeofwords;thatknowledgeissomethingyouacquire.Youdothatbywakingupandexercisingandtrainingyourwordmind—thepartofyourbrainthatcomesupwithwords,ratherthanthoughtsorideasorfeelings.

Thebestwaytogettoknowwordsissimplytoplaywiththem!SoIinviteyounowtoletgoofyouradultself,accessthechildlikepartofyourself,andjoinmeinsomepurposefulplaywithlanguage.(Ifyouneedpermissiontoplay,Igiveittoyounow!)

Andifyouwouldprefertogoimmediatelytosentence-constructiontechniques,andsavelearningaboutwordsforlater,you’llwanttobeginwithChapter8,onpartsofspeech.

1 …followingthedaytimeofthehare.EdwardField,EskimoSongsandStories(DelacortePress),1973,p.7.

2 …thewaywecreatetheworld.QuotedinLoisJ.Einhorn,TheNativeAmericanOralTradition(Praeger,2000),p.3.

Chapter4

TheWordHoard

Theoldestman,aleaderofmenanswered;heunlockedthewordhoard.—KevinCrossley-Holland,Wordhoard

Englishisaveryword-richlanguage,withmorethanhalfamillionwordsingeneraluse.Whiletheoreticallyallthesewordsareavailabletoeverywriteratalltimes,inpracticeeachwriterhasherowncollectionofwordswithwhichshewrites;wordchoiceisoneofthemaincomponentsofindividualstyleorvoice.TheimageIliketouseforawriter’scollectionofwordsisthe“wordhoard.”

ThistermcomesfromtheearliestdaysoftheEnglishlanguage,whenGermanicpeopleswhobecameknownasAnglo-SaxonsweresettlinginEngland.TheAnglo-Saxonslivedoriginallyinanoralculture;soforthem,asforallotheroralpeoples,wordswereoffundamentalimportance:Onlythroughwordscouldthehistory,thelaws,thecustoms,thestoriesofthepeoplebepassedon.

Asaresult,oneofthemostimportantpeopleamongtheearlyAnglo-Saxonswasthebard—inAnglo-Saxonhewascalledthescop(pronouncedshop).Everykinghadtohaveone,forthebardkeptinmemorythebravedeedsofancestralheroesandcomposedlongpoems,suchasBeowulf,whichhewouldrecitefrommemoryonimportantoccasions.Eachbardwasconsideredtohavehisownwordhoard—likeatreasurehoardofgoldandjewels—fromwhichhewouldpullouttheexactwordsandphrasesthatwouldservehispurposes.

Ilovetheimageofawriterhavinghis“hoard”ofwordstouseinwriting,andsoIhaveadoptedit.Iinviteyoutouseit,too,ifitappealstoyourimagination.Whatwordslieinyourtreasurehoard,waitingforyoutousetheminapieceofwriting?Let’sfindout,usingapracticeIcall“UnpackingtheWordHoard.”

Practice:UnpackingtheWordHoard

Thispracticebuildsonthebasicpracticesyou’vealreadylearned.Ithastwoparts:

First,begintofreewrite(seeChapter2).Afteracoupleofminutes,letyourattentionshiftfromwhateveryouaresayingtothewordsthatarecomingtoyou.Andnowbegintocollectonlywords,onewordatatime,keepingthepenmovingasyoudoso.Ifyourmindgoesblank,keepwritingthelastwordyouwroteoverandover,untilyouthinkofanotherone.Remembertobreathe,toslowdown.

Youneednotknowaword’smeaningtowriteitdown.Youarenottryingtomakesense,ortowritecompletesentences:Youarejustcollectingwords,lettingonewordleadyoutothenext.Trytostayinthemomentwitheachwordasitcomestoyou.Listentoit,savorit.(Withthispractice,aswithalltheexercisesinthisbook,rememberthatyouareincharge.Ifyourwordsstarttakingyousomeplaceyoudon’twanttogo,stop,takeadeepbreath,relax,andchangedirection.)Takefiveortenminutesforthispractice,thentakeaminuteortwotoreflectonhowthepracticewentforyou.Whatdidyounotice?

Now,forthesecondpartofthepractice,gothroughthewordsyoucollected,readingthemoutloudslowly,onewordatatime,andmarkthewordsyouparticularlylike.Perhapstheyhaveacertainenergy,oryoulikethewaytheysound,ortheyremindyouofsomething.Thereasondoesn’tmatter;justmarkthem.And,asyouread,addtoyourlistanynewwordsyoulikethatoccurtoyou.Nowtakeamomenttoreadyourmarkedwordsoutloud;listentothem.Whatdoyounotice?

TheBenefitsofUnpackingYourWordHoard

Idoubtyoucouldfindasimplerwritingpracticethan“UnpackingtheWordHoard,”butthissimplepractice,donewithregularity,canteachyoualot.First,itwakesupyourwordmind,openingupandlubricatingthementalchannelsthroughwhichwordsflow.Withregularpractice,thispartofyourmindwillbegintoparticipateactivelyinyourwriting:Itwillbeengagedingivingyouwordstouse,whereas,inthepast,itmighthavedozedonautomaticpilotthroughthetimeyouspentwriting.Second,thepracticeshowsyouthewordsyoualreadyhaveinsideyourhoard.Manybeginningwritersaredelightedtodiscoverwordstheydidn’treallyknowtheyknew—wetendtouse,inordinaryconversation,farfewerwordsthanweactuallyhaveinourwordhoards.Third,thiskindofwritingpracticewakesupyourwriter’searbyencouragingyoutolistentowordsastheycometoyou.Fourth,itgivesyoupracticeinbeingfullypresentwithyourwords,anditprovidesyouwithanopportunitytopractice“lettingwordslead.”Fifth,wheneveryougetstuckinyourwriting,youcanusethispracticeasawaytogetyourselfgoingagain.And—bestofall—it’salotoffun.

SoIencourageyoutodothispracticefrequently.Letyourselfinventotherwaysofdoingit,ifyoulike.Keepitsimple:RememberthatwhiletheEnglishlanguagehaslotsof“twenty-fivecent”wordslikeperturboreffrontery,statuesqueordecorous,italsohaslotsofessentialshortsturdywordslikeoforbut,sayorstoporglow.Thispracticemayseemsilly,butyouwillprobablybesurprisedbytherewardsitbrings.EventhoughIhavebeenwritingformanyyears,itwasonlywhenIstartedtopracticeinthisway—toletmyselfplaywithwords—thatIbegantofeellikearealwriter.

MakeWordsYourOwn

Asyoumayhavediscoveredduringthispractice,youcanhavealotofwordsinyourwordhoardthatyouneveruse.Thismeansthat,likethosehatsorshoesyoupurchasedthatyouneverwear,thesewordsarethingsyouhave,butdon’treallyutilize.Tomakewordsourown,wehavetousethem.Somepeopledothisbytryingoutwordsinconversation.Wecanalsomakewordsourownbyusingtheminwriting,bytakingthemasourmaterialstomakesentences,orlinesinapoem,orlinesofdialogue.Let’sgivethatatrynow.

Practice:MakeWordsYourOwn

Fromthelistofwordsyoumarked,pickafew.Nowusethosewords,andanyothersyoumightneed(notnecessarilyfromyourlist)tomakeasentence,alineofapoem,oralineofdialogue.Letyourselfjustfoolaroundwiththesewords,playwiththemasiftheywerebitsofclay,andseewhatyoucanmake.Youcanmakesense,ifyoulike,oryoucanmakenonsense.Forinstance,Icouldchoosethewordsblueandceilingandelephantfrommylist,andmakethissentence:Theblueelephantisontheceiling.Don’tobsessaboutthesentencesyouconstruct;theydon’thavetobeperfect.(Remember,noonewilleverseethismaterialunlessyouchoosetoshowit.)Youmightwanttoseehowmanydifferentsentencesyoucanmakeusingthesamechosenwords.Oryoumightwanttopickthreeorfournewwordsfromyourlistandseewhatyoucanmakefromthem(again,addinganywordsyouneedtomakeacompletesentence).

Whenyouhavehadenoughofthislittlegame,fornow,takeafewmomentstoreadyoursentencesoutloud.Trytolistentothemwithoutjudgment.Whatdoyounotice?Ifyougetanyideasfornewsentences,ornewwaystowritetheonesyoucreated,byallmeansjotthemdown.

Youmayalsowanttotakesometimetoreflectinyournotebookaboutwhatyoulearnedduringthesepractices.

BuildYourWordHoard

Manyofusfeelthatweareheldbackfromwritingthewaywewanttobecausewejustdon’thavethewordsweneed.Butourwordhoardsarenotfixedforlife!Wecanaddwordstothemanytimewewant.Wecanaddtoourwordhoardsthewordswewanttohaveforourown,orwordsthatweneedforaparticularpurpose.Toaddwordstoourhoards,allweneedarethetwocomplementarypracticesofcollectingwordsandmakingthemourownbyputtingthemintosentences.

Wecancollectwordsintwoways:frominsideourselves(Icallthis"internalcollecting")andfromoutsideourselves("externalcollecting").Let'snowrevisittheactivityofinternalcollecting,whichweusedinunpackingthewordhoard;thenwe'llturntoexternalcollecting.

BuildYourWordHoardPart1:InternalCollectingYoucanusethebasicpracticeofunpackingyourwordhoardanytime;andIrecommendthat,ifyouenjoyit,youdoitoften.Ourwordhoardsaredeeperthanwesuspect,andthemoreoftenyoucollectwordsfrominsideyourself,themoreyouwillbecomeconsciouslyawareofthewordsavailabletoyou.Youcanalsodirectyourcreativefacultyinitssearchingofyourwordhoardbyaskingittoplaywithoneormoreofthefollowingpractices.

TheVocabularyofaSubject

Areyouabaseballfan?Ifyouare,thenthefollowingsentences(whichItookdownwhilelisteningtoaradiobroadcastofaRedSoxgamesomeyearsago)willprobablymakesensetoyou:

“Hehitstheballontheinfield:aroom-servicehoptoNomar,whofiresittoWalker,ontofirst—double-play.Andthetwinkillingendstheinning.”

“Here’sthepayoffpitch.Pedrocomestotheset,hekicksanddeals…it’sacutter,overtheinsidecorner.”

“They’reknottedatoneforNomar.Heswings…there’sadriveintocenterfield.Nomarwithawall-ball…herecomesthethrow…andNomar’sintosecondwithapop-upslide.Awickedtwo-baggerforNomar.”

“NowherecomesManny,with17homersand60ribbies.Boy,CarlPavanoisbeingtattooedhere.He’sdonenothingbutgiveupbombssincehearrivedtothehill.”

Ifyoulovebaseball,youwillknowthata“room-servicehop”isamovementabattedballmakeswhenitappearstohavebeensummonedbyaninfieldertogorightintohisglove;thata“twinkilling”isadoubleplay,whichenablestheteamonthefieldtoputouttwobaserunners;thata“two-bagger”isadouble,ahitonwhichthebatterreachessecondbase.Ifyouareunfamiliarwiththegame,thesesentenceswillprobablysoundlikeaforeignlanguage.

Baseballhasitsownparticularvocabulary,itsowncollectionofwordsthatwritersonthatsubjectneedtoknow.Infact,everysubjecthasitsownvocabulary.Ifyouwanttowriteabouttrees,thenyouneedtoknowthenamesoftreesandthenamesoftheirpartsandtheirprocessesofgrowthanddecay.Ifyouwanttowriteaboutcooking,thenyouneedtoknowthevocabularyofthatsubject.Evenpersonalexperienceshavetheirownvocabularies:Whenyouwriteaboutyourgrandmother,youwillusewordsthatarespecifictoher;whenyouwriteaboutavacationattheocean,youwillwantwordsthatarespecifictothatexperience.Andifyouarewritingfiction,eachofyourcharacterswillhaveherownwords,aswellasherownthingstosay.Ifacharacterisadoctor,she’lluseonesetofwords;ifshe’safarmer,she’llusedifferentwords.

BuildYourWordHoardPractice:TheVocabularyofaSubject

Pickasubjectyouknowsomethingabout.(Ifyoucan’tthinkofone,startbymakingalist.)Then,withoutstopping,spendfivetotenminutescollectingeverywordyoucanthinkofthathassomethingtodowiththissubject.Ifyougetstuck,justrepeataword.Don’tworryaboutwhetherthewordsare“right”orwhethertheymeanwhatyouthinktheymean.Justplaywiththemandseewhathappens.Saythewordsunderyourbreath,sothattheywillhavesomevoicetotheminsteadofjustappearingsilentlyinyourmind.

Afteryou’redonecollecting,gobackthroughyourlistandmarkwhicheverwordsstandoutforyou,thenplayaroundwiththemtoformsentences.Makesense,ifyoufeellikeit;besillyifyoudon’t.

Giveyourselfatleasttenminutesforthispractice.Afterwards,ifyoulike,takeamomentortwotowritedownwhathappenedasyoudidit.Whatdidyounotice?

Youmaydiscoverthatyoudon’thavethevocabularythatyouneedtowriteaboutyourchosensubject,especiallyifyouarewritingaboutasubjectthatisnewtoyou.Don’tassumethat,becauseyoudon’thavethevocabularyyouneed,youcan’twriteaboutthissubject.Youcanlearnthevocabulary!

Ifyoursubjectisoneyoualreadyknowalotabout,youmayhavefoundthat,asyoucollecteditsvocabularyandthenmadesentencesfromsomeofthewordsyoucollected,youbegantogetideasforthingstosayaboutyoursubject.Youmaywanttotaketenminutestodowhat’scalled“focusedfreewriting”aboutthissubject.Keepthepenmoving,aswiththebasic"BeaWriter"practice(Chapter2),butinsteadoflettingyourcreativefacultygoanywhereitwantstogo,keepitfocusedonyoursubject.Usesomeofthewordsyoucollected,andletthemserveasspringboardsforreflectingonthesubject.Wordscanoftenbea“wayin”toapieceofwriting,soyoumaybepleasantlysurprisedbywhatyourcreativefacultycomesupwithinthisexercise.Youmightevenwanttobeginwithjustoneofthewordsyouselectedandletitinspirethispieceoffocusedfreewriting.

Evenifyoudon’tplantowritespecificallyaboutthesubjectwhose

vocabularyyoucollectedintheabovepractice,youmaydiscoverwordsthatyoucanuseinothercontexts.Youjustneverknowwhenawordyou’vecollectedwillbetheperfectfitforasentenceoralineofpoetry.

BuildYourWordHoardPractice:TheVocabularyofaPersonalExperience

Chooseasubjectfrompersonalexperience(aplace,aperson,oranadventure,perhaps).Takefivetotenminutes(ormore,ifyoulike)tocollect,withoutstopping,everywordthatcomestoyouaboutthissubject.Then,asbefore,selectsomewordsandmakesentences(orlinesofpoetryordialogue,ifyouprefer)withthem.Whileyourgoalshouldbetojustplaywiththewordsandseewhathappens,youmayfindyourselfmovingintofreewritingaboutyoursubject.

Ifyoufindyourselfstuckwhenyouwanttowriteaboutasubject,whetheritbeapersonalexperienceornot,itcanhelptostartbycollectingthevocabularyofthatsubject.Sometimesjustplayingwiththosewordscanleadyoutothingsyouwanttosay.

BuildYourWordHoardPractice:TheVocabularyofaCharacter

Chooseacharacterofyourowninvention,oruseonefromabookyoulove,andbringhimfirmlytomind.Thenimaginethatthischaracterisspeaking,andcollectthewordsyouhearhimuse.Justfocusonwordsfirst,asyoudidintheabovepractices.Then,onceyouhavecollectedalonglistofthischaracter’swords,choosesomeofthemtomakesentences(orpartialsentences,ifyoulike)thatthischaracterwouldspeak.

BuildYourWordHoardPractice:AVocabularyThatFitsYourReaders

Haveyouevernoticedthatyouoftenspeakdifferentlytodifferentpeople?Hey,man,wazzup?youmightsaytoyourbuddy,whileGoodmorning,Mr.Joneswouldprobablybethewayyou’daddressyourboss.Thesamethingcanhappenwhenwewrite:Wecanchoosetoselectwordsappropriatetoourreaders.Youmaywanttoexperimentwiththisbypickingasubjectyouknowsomething

aboutandimagininganaudience.Now,justasinthepreviousexercises,unpackfromyourwordhoardthewordsyouneedtousetowriteaboutyoursubjecttothisparticularaudience.Afterdoingthisforawhile,pickadifferentaudienceandcollectwordsagain.Forinstance,youcouldpickyoureight-year-oldnephewthefirsttime,andaprofessororsupervisorthesecond.Whatdoyounoticeaboutthewordsyouunpack?Ifyoulike,youmightalsowanttoselectwordsfromeachlistandwritesomesentences,firsttooneaudience,thentotheother.Thiswillgiveyousomegoodpracticeinwhatitfeelsliketowritefordifferentaudiences.

Writingwellisnotjustamatterofsayingwhatwewanttosay;wealsohavetogetthatcontentintootherpeople’sminds,andoftenthatmeansusinglanguagethattheywillbeabletounderstand.Dowewanttouseordinarylanguage?Dowewanttouseaspecializedvocabulary?Dowewantourthoughtstobeexpressedinsimple,down-to-earthwords?Ordowewanttouse“fancy”wordswithlotsofsyllablesinthem?Thesearethekindsofquestionsweoftenhavetoaskourselveswhenwewriteforothers.

BuildYourWordHoardPart2:ExternalCollectingWhenyouunpackyourwordhoardusinganyoftheabovepractices(orothersimilaronesthatyoumayinvent),youarecollectingfrominsideyourself—whatIcall“internalcollecting.”Youcanalsoaddtoyourhoardwordsthatcometoyoufromoutsideyourself—whatIcall“externalcollecting.”Youcancollectwordsfromanywhere:frombooksornewspapers,fromoverheardconversations,fromsignsorsongs,fromradioortelevisionprograms.

BuildYourWordHoardPractice:CollectfromConversation

Gotoaplacewhereyoucanoverhearpeopletalkwithoutcallingattentiontoyourself—acafé,perhaps,orapark,orasportingevent.Nowturnyourattentiontooneperson’svoiceandlisten,nottothecontentofwhatsheissaying,butto

thewordsbeingused.Justpayattentiontothosewordsandnoticethem.Whichonesgrabyourattention?

Nowtakethispracticeonestepfurtherandcollectsomeofthewordsthatappealtoyoubyjottingthemdowninyournotebook.

Whenyou’vecollectedanumberofwords,seeifyoucanmakesomesentenceswiththem.Ifthesearenotwordsyouwouldordinarilyuse,perhapstheycouldbecomingfromacharacteryouinvent.Playwiththesewordsandseewhatyoucandiscover.

BuildYourWordHoardPractice:CollectfromReading

Whenyoureadsomethingyoulike,taketimetoreaditagain,notforcontent,butforlanguage.Letyourwordmindengagewiththispiece;listentoitwithyourwriter’sear.Writedowninyournotebookallthewordsthatappealtoyou.Readthroughyourcollectedwords,markingtheonesthatstandoutforyourightnow.Lookupthemeaningsofthesemarkedwordsinadictionary,ifyouneedto,andthenusesomeofthemtocomposesentences.

TrainingYourWordMind

Althoughthesepracticesofunpackingandbuildingthewordhoardaresimple,theyareimportant.Why?Becausetheygiveyourwriter’smindtraininginthetwoessentialskillsofwritingcraft:comingupwithwords,andputtingthosewordsintosentences.Theexercisesallowyoutopracticetheseskillswithouthavingtocomeupwithcontentatthesametime.Asaresult,themoreyoudothepractices,themoreyoustrengthenanddevelopyourwordmind.Soonyou’llfindthat,whenyousitdowntoworkonapieceofwriting,yourwordmindoftengivesyouthewordsyouneed.Withlotsofpractice,you’llmoveoutofthefrustratingpositionofbeingunabletofindwordsforthethingsyouwanttosay.You’llbeonthewaytodevelopingyourownwritingstyleorvoice.

Thetwobasicpracticesofcomingupwithwordsandputtingthemintosentencesunderliealltherestofthepracticesinthisbook.Inthenextchapter,you’llusethesepracticestolearnmoreabouthowtousewordstomakemeaning.

TakeTimetoReflect

Beforeyoucontinue,takesometimetoreflectonwhatyou’velearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Youmayalsowanttomakealistofthepracticesyouwanttorepeat.

Chapter5

MakingMeaning

Havesomethingtosay,andsayitasclearlyasyoucan.Thatistheonlysecretofstyle.

—MatthewArnold

Awriter’sstyleisformedinpartbythewordshechooses.Buthowdoesthewritermakethosechoices?Doeshejustselectthewordshelikesbest?Orarethereotherconsiderations?

Whileit’scertainlytruethatawriter’schoiceofwordscomesinpartfrompersonalpreference,writerswhowanttheirwordstohavepowerneedtoselect,fromallthechoicesavailable,thewordsthatbestconveywhattheywanttosay.Oneofthethingsthatgiveswordstheirpowerisprecisionofmeaning.Skilledwriterscareabouttheaccuracyoftheirwords.Theyknow,forinstance,thateventhoughathesaurusmaygroupcertainwordstogether,thosewordsdonotallmeanexactlythesamething.Theyalsoknowthatwordscanbeslipperycreaturesthatmaymeanonethingtoonepersonandanothertosomeoneelse.Andtheyareawareofthenumberofwordswecancollectintoourwordhoards,orevenuseinconversation,withoutknowingexactlywhatthosewordsmean.Skilledwritersareawarethattheymustknowwhatthewordstheyusemean,notjustinafuzzyI-sort-of-know-thatway,butwithexactness.Partofourresponsibilityaswriters—ourresponsibilitytoourselves,toourreaders,andtothelanguageweuse—istoknowwordswellenoughtousethemwithsuchprecision.Forbeingabletouseone’stoolsandmaterialscarefullyandpreciselyisoneofthehallmarksofagoodcraftsman.Acrucialpartofthecraftofwriting

isfindingtherightwordsforourpurposes;andoneofthethingsthatmakesaword“justright”—oneofthethingsthatgivesititspower—isitsmeaning.

WhatDoWeMeanby“Meaning”?

Whatarewetalkingaboutwhenwesayaword“means”something?Thatquestionhasoccupiedthemindofmanyaphilosopheroverthecenturies.Aswriters,fortunately,wedon’tneedtoknowthedetailsoftheirarguments;wecantakeapracticalapproach.Whenwesayaword“means”something,wearetalkingabouttheword'sabilitytorefertoorrepresentathingoranidea.

Whenwewrite,wemakemeaningoutofwords.Wecanhaveinmindsomethingwewanttosayandsearchfortherightwordstocommunicatethat“something”toothers;orwecanletwordsleadustoadiscoveryofwhatwewanttosay;or,aswewriteandrevise,wecangobackandforthbetweenthesetwoapproaches.(Wealsomakemeaningbyorderingourwords;we’llcoverthatskillinthesectiononsyntax.)

Tomakemeaningwithwordsisanactivity,adoingofacertainkindofwork.Wecandothisworksloppily,withouttakingthetimeandcaretodoagoodjob.Orwecandoitwithattentionandpassion,withrelentlessdesiretomakeaccurateuseofallthepowerwordspossess.

Findingtheexactword,therightword,ineverysentencetakestimeandpatience.Wemayneedtospendtimemullingoveralternativewaysofsayingsomething;wemayneedtoconsultadictionaryandathesaurus.Wemayneedtorewriteasentencemanytimesuntilwe’vediscoveredthewordsthatconveyourmeaningwithprecision.

Buttodothisworkistogetachancetoplaywithwords—forawriter,themostenjoyablekindofplay.Andeventhough,astheyplay,writersoftenexperiencefrustration—theperfectwordeludesthem—theyalsoexperiencethosemomentsofintensepleasureandsatisfactionwhenthatjust-rightword

suddenlyappearsandslidesexquisitelyintoasentence,perfectlycommunicatingthewriter’smeaning.Awriter’sfeelingsatsuchmomentsechothoseofabuilderwhowatchesawallliftjustasheenvisionedit,orthoseofabatterwhoknowswhenhisbatconnectswithafastballthathe’shitahomerun.

Therearetwoaspectsofthemeaningofwordsweneedtobefamiliarwith:denotationandconnotation.

MakingMeaning1:DenotationTocommandthedenotationsofwordsistoknowtheirdefinitionsasexplainedinagooddictionary.Thedenotationofawordisoneofthemainsourcesofitspower.That’swhyskilledwriterstakesuchcaretomakesuretheyknowthedictionarydefinitionsofthewordstheyuse:Tomisuseaword,ortotrytomakeitmeanonethingwhenyourreadersknowitmeanssomethingelse,istoloseallthepowerthatwordcangivetoyourwriting.Adictionary—animmensewordhoard—providesuswiththemeaningsofwordsthatarepublic,explicitmeanings,themeaningsavailabletoeveryone.

Adictionary,then,isanindispensabletoolforawriter;andmostwritersownandusemorethanone.Skilledwritersconsultadictionarywhentheyareunsureoftheexactdefinitionofaword;justasimportant,theyspendtimebrowsingthroughtheirdictionaries,atplayinthelandoflanguage.

Practice:ExploreDenotation

Takeafewminutestounpackyourwordhoard,thenreadthewordsslowly,outloud.Listenasifyouwereencounteringthesewordsforthefirsttime.Markanywordsthatyoufeelcuriousabout,thatsparkthequestionWhatdoesthatwordmean?

Thewordsyoumarkdon’thavetobewordsyou’veneverused.Sometimesit’sfuntopickafamiliarwordandlookitup.Nowselectoneormoreofthewordsyoumarked.Lookuptheirmeaningsinthedictionary.Whatdoyounotice?Isthiswhatyouthoughtthesewordsmeant?Ifyouownasecond

dictionary,lookupsomeofyourwordsinthatone,too.Arethereanydifferencesinthedefinitions?Ifyoulike,writedownthedefinitionsinyournotebook.Now,withthedictionarymeaningsofyourwordsinmind,experimentwithusingsomeofthesewordsinsentences.Whatdoyounotice?Tryreadingyoursentencesoutloud.Youcanalsomakewordsyourownbyusingtheminconversation.

Practice:AtPlayintheDictionary

Takesometimetobrowsethepagesofyourdictionary.Whenawordcatchesyourattention,writeitdowninyournotebook,alongwithitsdefinition(s).Nowusethewordinasentence.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?

Practice:VerifytheMeaningsofWords

Asyouread,takenoteofwordsyoulikewhosemeaningseludeyou.Lookupthosewordsinadictionary,thenmakesentenceswiththem.

Practice:AtPlayinaThesaurus

English,someoneoncewrote,istheonlylanguagethatneedsathesaurus.That'sbecauseEnglishhassomanysynonyms.TospendsometimebrowsinginathesaurusistobeamazedbythewealthofwordsinEnglish—morewordsthananywriter,nomatterhowprolific,couldeveruseinalifetime.Likeadictionary,athesaurusisawonderfulplaygroundforwriterswhowanttoexercisetheirwordmindsandbuildtheirwordhoards.

Giveyourselfsometime,whenyoucan,tosimplyflipthepagesofathesaurusandbrowseitsentries.Takenoteofthewordsyoulike;collectthemintoyournotebook,ifyouwish.Tryusingtheminsentences.

HowtoUseaThesaurus

Asyoubrowseinyourthesaurus,youmayfindyourselfoccasionallyfeelingoverwhelmedbythenumberofchoicesavailableforaparticularword.Here,for

instance,arethewordscollectedbytheeditorsofRoget’sThesaurusassynonymsforthewordhill:

down,brae,fell,hillock,knob,butte,kopje,kame,monticle,monticule,modadnock,knoll,hummock,hammock,eminence,rise,mound,swell,barrow,tumulus,kop,tel,jebel,dune,sanddune

Supposethat,asyouarewriting,youwantasynonymforthewordhill.Facedwiththesealternatives,howwouldyoumakeachoice?

Themostimportantthingtoknowaboutcollectionsofsynonymsforagivenwordisthattheirmeaningsarenotidentical.Sowhenyouareconsideringmakinguseofawordfromalistofsynonyms,youwilloftenneedtolookupallyourpossiblechoicesinthedictionarytobesureyouknowtheirdenotations.Ahillock,forinstance,isasmallhill(accordingtomydictionary),andahammockisahillock:Sohillockandhammockcouldsubstituteforeachother,aswellasforthewordhill—aslongasthehillyouhaveinmindisasmallone.Butabutteisanisolatedabruptflat-toppedhillinwesternU.S.—notanappropriatechoiceifthehillyou’rewritingaboutislocatedinMaineandiscoveredwithpinesandspruce!

Soyoucan’tmakeeffectiveuseofathesauruswithoutalsohavingadictionarynearby.Here’sawaytopracticetheprocessofmakingconsideredchoicesfromalistofsynonyms:

Practice:UseaThesaurus

Writeafewsentencesaboutasubjectortakeaparagraphfromoneofyourexistingpieces.Lookthroughwhatyouhavewrittenusingyourwordmind:Arethereanywordsinthispassageaboutwhichyouwonder,CouldIfindabetterwordthanthisone?Lookuponeofthesewordsinyourthesaurusandconsideryourchoices.Don’tforgettofindthedenotationsofthesewordsinyour

dictionary.Rewriteyoursentencesusingthenewwordorwordsyouhavechosen,thenreadthesentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyounow?

Whilethispracticemayseemtime-consuming,it’sworthwhileforanumberofreasons.First,itwillgiveyoupracticeintheessentialwritingskillofmakingchoicesaboutwords.Itwillalsohelpyoubuildyourwordhoard.Mostofall,itwillexerciseyourwordmindsothat,likewell-trainedmuscles,itbecomesstrongerandmoreflexible.Writing,likehittingabaseballorplayingamusicalinstrument,isanactivitythatinvolvesmakingmanydecisionsatonce:Themore“inshape”yourbrainistomakechoicesamongwords,themoreskilledyouwillbecomeasawriter.Sothemoreyoupractice,withattentionandcare,themoreeasilywordswillcometoyouasyouwriteandrevise.

MakingMeaning2:ConnotationsWhileaword’sdenotationsareitsexplicitmeaning,itsconnotationsareitsassociations,theideasorqualitiesitbringstomindthroughsuggestion.Ifyouimaginethatputtingawordintothemindofyourreaderislikecastingastoneintoapond,thenthedenotationofthewordislikethesplashthestonemakesasithitsthewater,whiletheconnotationsofthewordareliketheripplesthatfollowthesplash.Forinstance,ifyouwritethatawomaniswearinga“fireengine-reddress,”thetermfireenginesuggestsqualitieslikeurgencyanddanger.IfyouwriteCloudsweresailingacrossthesky,thewordsailingsuggestsshipsandwater.Skilledwritershavelearnedtoexploitthese“ripples”ofmeaningthatwordscancreateinthemindsoftheirreaders.Let’stakealookathowconnotationswork.

Somewordshavenoconnotations.Theseareusuallywordsfromscienceandtechnologythathaveveryspecificsinglemeanings,suchasdeuteron,which

means“apositivelychargedparticleconsistingofaprotonandaneutron,” ornitinol,analloyofnickelandtitanium.

1

Butmostofourwordsdohaveconnotations.It’sasif,havingbeenusedoverandover,theyhavepickedupfamiliarassociationsthataccompanytheirdictionarymeanings.So,forinstance,thewordsthin,slender,stringy,andsveltearesynonyms,havingapproximatelythesamedenotativemeaning.However,theirassociationsareverydifferent.Youwouldnotcomplimentafriendbysaying,“Howstringyyoulooktoday!”Replacethewordstringywiththewordsvelte,andyou’dputasmileonherface.Yourneighbor’schildmightbe“thekidnextdoor”whenhe’sbehavingor“thatbrat”whenhe’snot.BritishnovelistEmmaDarwinexplainstheimportanceofconnotations:“Whenyou’retalkingabouteffectivelanguage,you’reusuallytalkingaboutconnotation:whatelse

(beyonddictionarymeaning)thatparticularwordbringstothesentence.”

Practice:ExploreConnotations

Pickawordfromyourthesaurusandwritedownsomeofitssynonyms,lookingthemupinadictionaryifyouneedto.Pickonesynonymthathaspositiveconnotations(suchassvelte)andonethathasnegativeconnotations(suchasstringy)andwriteasentenceusingeachone.Dothisexerciseagainwithadifferentword.Readyoursentencesoutloud,noticingthedifferenteffectsofthewordsyou’vechosen.Dotheparticularconnotationsofyourchosenwordinfluencehowyouwritetherestofthesentence?

Practice:ExploreConnotations

Readyourfavoritewriter,keepinganearopenforwordschosenforpositiveornegativeconnotations.Collectthesewordsinyournotebookandexperimentwithmakingyourownsentenceswiththem.

Practice:ExploreConnotations

Readoverapassagefromyourownwork,keepingyoureartunedtotheconnotationsofyourwords.Arethereanyplaceswhereyoumightchooseadifferentword,exploitingitsconnotationstoenhancetheeffectofyoursentence?

2

Practice:ExploreConnotations

Somewordshavebothpositiveandnegativeconnotations.Wecanworkwiththeconnotationsofthiskindofwordinanotherwayaswell—byplacingitinacontextthathighlightsoneparticularconnotation.Takethewordfire(asanoun)forinstance;itsmostfamiliardenotationsare“thingsthatareburning”and“flamesproducedbythingsthatareburning.”Butthenounfirealsohasconnotations.

Takeafewminutesnow,ifyoulike,tobringthedenotationsofthenounfiretoyourmind,andthenlistenforthewordsorphrases,theideasorthings,thatthiswordsuggeststoyou;writethemalldown.Youmayfindyourselfcollectingsynonymsfortheword.Ifthishappens,trytoletyourmindmovebeyondclosesynonymsandseewhatotherideasorthingsthewordbringstoyourmind.Youhavenowcollectedsomeoftheword’sconnotations.

Nowlookthroughtheseconnotations.Whatdoyounotice?Onethingyoumightnoticeisthatthissingleword“fire”hassome

connotationsthatarepositive(heat,light,warmth,hearth,comfort,cookout)andsomethatarenegative(fear,destruction,ruin)andsomethatcouldbepositiveornegativedependingonthecontext(char,ember,smolder).

Nowselectsomeofthepositiveconnotationsandwriteasentenceortwothathighlightthoseconnotations.Asentencesuggestingpositiveconnotationsofthenounfiremightread:Thecatcreptclosertotheheatofthefireandcurledupcontentedlyonthehearth.Onethathighlightstheword’snegativeconnotationsmightread:Thesirensofthefiretruckssoundedcloserandcloseraswestoodacrossthestreetfromthelootedstorewherethefireraged.

Onewayto“charge”awordwithmeaningistoexploititsconnotations.Trainingyourmind,throughpractice,tobeawareoftheconnotationsofwords,willhelpyouwritesentencesinwhichyourwordsarefullofmeaning.Sorepeatthispracticeasoftenasyoucan:Pickawordandwritedownalltheconnotationsyoucanthinkforit.Nowpickoneortwoofthoseconnotations,andwriteafewsentencesthathighlightthoseparticularchoices.

PublicandPrivateConnotations

Thinkofthewordsummer,andwritedownallthewordsandphrasesthatitbringstoyourmind.Chancesaregoodthatyourlistwillcontainwordslikeheat,hot,swimming,sailing,lemonade,andvacation.Wecancallthesepublicconnotations,meaningtheassociationsawordwillhaveinmostreaders’minds.

Nowimaginethatapersonmakingthatsamelisthad,oneJuly,aseriousillness.Thenthewordsummer,inthatperson'smind,mightleadtoanassociationwiththewordillnessormeasles.Tryrereadingthelistofpublicconnotationsandinsertinginitthewordmeasles.Mostlikelyyourmindwillrejecttheword,asifit’ssaying,Thatworddoesn’tbelonghere!That’sbecausemeaslesisnotapublicconnotationforthewordsummer;it’saprivateconnotation.It’saconnotationthatwillmeansomethingonlytooneperson—thewriterinwhosemindthetwowordsareassociated.

Understandingthedifferencebetweenpublicandprivateconnotationsiscrucialtogoodwriting.Privateconnotationshavetobeexplained;publicconnotationsusuallyneednotbe.

Oneofthekeydifferencesbetweenunskilledandskilledwritersisthatanunskilledwritertendstoassumethathisreadersareinsidehishead,abletoreadhismind.Skilledwritersknowthisisnotso.Manyunskilledwritersalsobelievethatreaderswillbeimpressedbywritingthatisvagueanddifficulttounderstand.Skilledwritersknowthatreadersfacedwithsuchwritingwillbeimpatient,notimpressed;mostofthetime,theywillsimplystopreading.Touseprivateconnotationswithoutexplainingthemmakesitdifficultforpeopletounderstandwhatyoumean.So,asyouwriteandrevise,takethetimetoaskyourself,whenyouhave“charged”yourwordswithconnotations,Willmyreadersunderstandtheconnotationsofthisword,ordoIneedtomakemyselfclearer?

TheValueofConnotations

Asidefromthedangerofconfusing(orlosing)yourreadersthroughunexplainedprivateconnotations,theuseofconnotationsinwritingisoneofitsgreatpleasures,bothforwritersandforreaders;it’soneofourmostusefulwritingtools.

Onethingexploringtheconnotationsofwordswilldoforusistobuildourwordhoards.Evenmoreimportant,practicewithconnotationswillremindusthathumansmakemeaningthroughlanguagenotonly—aswearetaughtinschool—throughlogic,butalsothroughassociation.Whenwetaketimetopracticethedeliberatecollectingoftheconnotationsofwords,wediscoverthatonewordcanleadustoawholeworldofassociatedwords;wemayalsodiscoverthatexploringthisparticularworldofwordsleadsustothingstosayaboutoursubjectwedidn’tknowwewantedtosay.Mostimportantofall,anunderstandingofhowconnotationsworkgivesusavaluabletoolfortransferringourmeaningintothemindsofourreaders.

Somewriters(andwritingteachers)believethatwritersneedbeconcernedonlywith“expressingthemselves”;thatis,theyneedonlycastsomewordsonpaper,practicallyatrandom,andlettheirreadersmakeofthesewordswhateversensetheywill.Istrenuouslydisagreewiththisapproach,whichseemstomeakintoahousebuildercollectingsomelumberandnails,anddumpingthemonhiscustomer’slawnwithanote:Putyourhousetogetheryourself.It’sthejobofthewriter,notthereader,tobuildstructuresofmeaning.Todothatjobwell,sheneedstohavesomethingtosay,andsheneedstohavetheskillstotransferthat“something”—hermeaning—intothemindsofherreaders,sothattheyunderstandwhatsheissayingandaremovedbyitassheintends.

Skilledwritershaveaprofoundappreciationfortheabilityofthehumanmindtoassociateonewordwithanother.Theyknowthat,giventheslightestopportunity,theirreaders’mindswillslipawayfromwhatthewordsonthepagearecommunicatingintotheirownprivateassociations.Skilledwritersmakeuseofallthetoolsoftheircrafttopreventthatfromhappening.Iftheyarecommunicatinginformationorideas,theywanttheirreaderstounderstandthem

exactly;iftheyaremakingverbalpictures,theywanttheirreaderstoexperiencetherealitythosepicturescommunicate.

Whiletheconnotationsofwordsarecertainlynottheonlytoolwritersusetocommunicate,theyareanessentialelementofthepoweroflanguage.Whenwemakecarefuluseoftheconnotationsofourwordsaswewriteandrevise,wecankeepthemindsofourreadersfocusedonexactlythemeaningwearetryingtogetacross.Andso,aswework,wewillavoidwordswithconnotationsthatwillsendareader’smindoffontangents;wewillchoosewordsthatkeephermindonthetrackofthoughtorinformationorexperiencethatwewantittobeon.

TimetoReflect

Whathaveyounoticedindoingthepracticesinthischapter?Whatdoyouneedtoworkonnext?

1 …consistingofaprotonandaneutron.TheRandomHouseDictionary(Ballantine,1980),p.249.

2 …bringstothesentence.EmmaDarwinatwww.thisitchofwriting.com,September22,2010.

Chapter6

TheQualitiesofWords

Shelovedexpressivewords,andtreasuredthemassomegirlsmighthavetreasuredjewels.Toher,theywereaslustrouspearls,threadedonthecrimsoncordofavividfancy.Whenshemetwithanewonesheuttereditoverandovertoherselfinsolitude,weighingit,caressingit,infusingitwiththeradianceof

hervoice,makingitherowninallitspossibilitiesforever.—LucyMaudMontgomery,TheStoryGirl

Inaway,everywordislikeapreciousstone,withitsownparticularqualities:Somewordsfeelheavy,otherslight;someseemtoglitter,othersaredull.Aswriters,weneedtoknowallwecanaboutthewordsweuse;inadditiontogettingfamiliarwithaword’sdenotationsandconnotations—itsmeanings—wealsoneedtobeabletorecognizeitsqualities,sowecanfindtherightwordforourpurpose.Justasacookneedstoknow,notjustintellectually,butpractically,thedifferencebetween,say,margarineandbutter—thedifferencesintasteandtextureandmeltingtemperature—soawriterneedstoknowthedifferenceinqualitybetween,forinstance,theworddomicileandthewordhome,thewordfoodandthewordegg,thewordsurrenderandthephrasewavethewhiteflag.Whenweaddtoourknowledgeofdenotationandconnotationapracticalunderstandingofthequalitiesofwords,wecanmakeevenmoreskillfuluseoftheirpower.Knowingthequalitiesofwordsgivesusanessentialtoolforchoosingthewordswewanttouse.

Whataresomeofthesequalitiesofwords?

TheQualitiesofWords1:Formal/Informal

Ifwearewritingforourselvesalone,asinajournal,itdoesn’tmatterwhichwordswechoose.Butifwehaveanaudienceinmindforourwriting,thenweneedtoconsiderthedegreeofformalityourwordsshouldhave.Tounderstandthequalityofformalityinwriting,thinkabouthowwedress.Writingforanaudienceisabitlikedressingtogooutinpublic:Wehavetoconsiderwhethertheclotheswechoosewillbeappropriatetotheoccasion.Ifwe’regoingtoajobataconservativelawfirm,we’llprobablyhavetoputonsomekindofreasonablyformalclothes,likeasuit.Wewouldn’tshowupforworkinrippedjeansandsneakers;suchattire,though,wouldbeperfectlyappropriateforamoreinformaloccasion,likeabackyardbarbecueafteraneighborhoodbasketballgame.

Whenwewrite,weoftenneedtoconsiderthedegreeofformalityourwordsshouldhave,dependingonthecircumstancesinwhichtheywillberead.Formallanguagetendstobelanguagethatisratherstiffandmannered,likeabutlerinanovelabouttheEnglishupperclasses.WordsthatfeelandsoundformalareusuallyLatinatewords,madeupofseveralsyllables:tendentious,prepossessing,rubicund.InformalwordsaretypicallyofAnglo-Saxonorigin(orNormanwordsthathavebeenAnglicized)andusuallycontainonlyoneortwosyllables.(Foranintroductiontothehistory[etymology]ofEnglishwords,withpracticesthatwillshowyouhowaknowledgeofwordhistorycanimproveyourwriting,visitmywebsiteatwww.WhereWritersLearn.com.)Informalwordsaretheonesthatcometomindreadilyduringordinaryconversation:fat,meat,walk,grab,wink,andsoon.Informallanguagealsoincludesslangexpressions,suchas:getagrip;what’shappenin’?;he’schillin’;let’srock.Youcancheckwhetheraparticularwordorphraseisformalorinformalbylookingitupinagooddictionary.Thedictionarywilltellyouifthewordisinformal,orinformalinsomesituations.

Practice:FormalandInformalWords

Collectsomewordsthatyouconsiderformal,thenseeifyoucancomeupwiththeirinformalequivalents.Thentrythisexercisestartingwithinformalwords.Whichquality—formalorinformal—doyoulikebetter?

Formality,Tone,andVoiceThedegreeofformalityinthelanguageyouuseinyourwritinghelpscreateyourvoiceonthepage,justasitdoeswhenyouspeak.Italsocreateswhat’scalledthetoneofyourwork.Thistonehastobeappropriate,nottoanoccasion,buttothepurposeofyourwriting.

Listentothedifferenceinthevoicesofthesetwonovelists:

NellcouldnothelpsmilingatthenaivetéwithwhichLettyclassedthesetrivialitieswithhermarriage,butbeforeshecouldmakeanyattempttoshowhersister-in-lawhowtheveryfondnesswhichledCardrosstoindulgeherinsmallmatterswouldstiffenhisresolvenottopermither(ashethought)tothrowherselfawayinamarriagedoomedtofailure,Farley,herbutler,hadenteredtheroom,bearingonasalverasealedbillet,andonhiscountenancetheexpressionofonewhonotonlybroughteviltidingsbuthadforeseenfromtheoutsetthatthiswaspreciselyhowitwouldbe.

—GeorgetteHeyer,AprilLady

Butbythetimetheyreachedthemorgueitwastoolate.TheIDhadbeencompletedandeveryonehadgonehome.RebusstoodontheCowgateandlookedlonginglybacktowardtheGrassmarket.Someofthepubstherewouldstillbeopen,theMerchant’sBar,forone.ButhegotbackintothecarinsteadandaskedDavidsontotakehimhome.Hefelttiredallofasudden.God,hefelttired.

—IanRankin,LetItBleed

Thedifferencesinthetwovoicescomeinpartfromthewayeachwriterputssentencestogether(asubjectwe’llexploreinSection4);butwordchoiceisalsokey.Heyer,whoisre-creatingforherreaderstheworldofupper-classLondonersinRegencyEngland,makesuseofrelativelyformalwordslikenaiveté,trivialities,indulge,resolve,countenance.Rankin,whoisbringingtohisreader’smindtheworldofanalcoholicpolicedetectiveincontemporaryEdinburgh,usesveryordinarywordslikelateandlookedandtired.Ineachcase,theauthorhaschosenwordsappropriatetohisorherpurpose—inthiscase,thecreationofaparticularfictionalworldandthepeoplewhoinhabitthatworld.

Theformalityorinformalityofthewordswechoosealsohelpsuscreatethevoicesofpeople,otherthantheauthor,onthepage.Ifwehavepeopletalkinginourwriting,whethertheyarerealpeopleorinventedcharacters,thewordsweprovidethemwithwillhelpmakerealtheirindividualvoices.For,justasourchoiceofclothingcreatesaparticularstyleandhelpsotherpeoplerecognizeus,sodoourspokenwordsshowwhoweare.Skilledwritersknowthis,andchoosewordsfortheircharactersthatwillmakesenseforthoseparticularpeopleandwillhelprevealwhatkindofpeopletheyare.

Andso,Heyer’scharacters,Londonaristocratsoftheearlynineteenthcentury,talklikethis:

“Yes,Idashedwelldocallitthat!”repliedhislordship,hiseyekindling.“Besides,it’sallslum!ImayhavetolistentothatsortofflummeryfromMama,butI’llbedamnedifIwillfromyou!What’smore,it’scomingitatrifletoostrong!“

Rankin’sdetective,JohnRebus,talksquitedifferently(andwithconsiderablyfewerwords):

“Flower’sgotapointthough,sir,”saidRebus,coveringhisboss’sembarrassment.“It’sjustthathe’sgotthetactofatomcat.Imean,

somebody’llhavetofillin.Howlong’sFrankgoingtobeoutofthegame?”

Practice:FormalandInformalWords

Imagineaperson—someoneyouknow,oracharacteryouinvent.Collectwordsforthischaractertospeak,payingattentiontotheformalityorinformalityofherlanguage.Thenhavehertalkonthepage.Ifyoulike,inventmorethanonecharacterandletthemhaveaconversation.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?Oneofthethingsyoumaynoticeisthatyoudon’thavethewordsyou

need;yourcharactersdon’thavetheirownindividualvoices:Theyallsoundalike,ortheyalltalkthewayyoudo.Experiencedwritersspendtimesittingincafésorridingbusestolistentopeopletalk.Theyoftencollectwordsandphrases,orevenentireconversations,intheirnotebooks.Ifyouwanttobuildyourwordhoardforconversation,youcanfollowtheirexample.

Youcanalsostudywriterswhoseworkyouadmireandpayattentiontohowtheircharactersspeak.Collecttheirvocabularyandpracticeusingityourselfforyourowncharacters.Eventuallyyourcharacterswillfindtheirownindividualvoices.

TheQualitiesofWords2:General/Specific

Whatisthedifferencebetweenthewordfoodandthewordbutter,orbetweenthewordfoodandthewordtoast?What’sthedifferencebetweenthewordsportandthewordbaseball,orthewordfootball?WhenIaskthesequestionsinawritingworkshop,itdoesn’ttakelongforsomeonetosay,“Foodisageneralword;butterandtoastaremorespecific.”Youcanhear,andevenfeel,thedifferenceinqualitybetweengeneralandspecificwordsineventhemostbasicofsentences.JustlistentothedifferencebetweenIlovesports,andIlovebaseball,orbetweenWewereservedgoodfood,andWewereservedlobster

saladwithfresh-bakedrolls.Themeaningthatistransferredthroughgeneralwordsislessvivid,lesspowerfulthanthattransferredthroughspecificwords.That’sbecausethelanguageofspecificwordsisthelanguageofdetail;skilledwriters—likeskilledcraftsmeninanymedium—aremastersofdetail.

It’sthisattentiontodetailthatusuallyseparatesspokenfromwrittenlanguage.Whenwetalk,wetypicallyrelyongeneralities:WehadagoodtimeorThefoodwasdelicious.Perhapswetalkthiswaybecausewe’reinahurry,we’renotsureourlistenersevenwantdetails,we’vebeentaughtthatwecan’ttalktoomuchorwe’llborepeople.Whateverthereasons,mostadultsinthisculturetendtohaveonlygeneralwordsintheirwordhoards.Whilethismaynotbeaprobleminordinaryconversation,inwritingwe’llbeataseriousdisadvantageifwehavenothingbutgeneralwordstouse.

That’sbecausegeneralwordscancommunicateinonlyvagueways:Haveaniceday.Generalstatementsareoftencalled“empty”becausetheycontainlittleornocontent:Itwasagreatfilm.Janeisaniceperson.Whilewecangetawaywithsuchstatementsinconversation—thoughnoonewhospeaksonlyingeneralitiescouldbecalledamasterfulconversationalist—whenwewrite,ifwewanttocommunicatewell,wemustusespecifics.That’sbecausespecificsarenotvague;theyarepreciseandexact.Specificsgivereaderssensorydetails,statistics,examples,particulars.Theyprovidethesubstanceofallgoodwriting.

Intherealmofthespecificwearedealingwithbothcontentandcraft.Youcan’tjustheavespecificwordsintoyourwritingatrandom;youhavetousespecificstoconveysomeparticularpieceofinformationorsomeexactdetails.Butifyouhaven’tdoneenoughcontentresearchforyourpieceofwriting,yousimplywon’thaveavailabletoyoutheinformationanddetailsyouneed.Suppose,forinstance,thatyouwanttowriteafewsentencesdescribingalakeyouvisitedrecently.Youdon’twanttosettleforgeneralizationslikebeautifulorlovely.Butasyoutrytocomeupwithyoursentences,youfindyourselfstruggling.Whyisthishappening?

Therearetwopossibilities.Eitheryourwordhoardispoorinwords

specificenoughtohelpyoumakeyourdescription,or—justasimportant—whileyouwereatthelake,youdidn’tpayenoughattentiontowhatwasaroundyou.Youdidn’tcollectenoughsensoryinformation—colors,qualityoflight,feelofthewater,andsoon—tobeabletocalltheplacevividlytomindnowasyouwriteaboutit.

Youmightfindyourselfinthesamekindofstrugglewithothersubjectsaswell.SupposeyouwanttowriteaboutwhyTedWilliamswasabetterbaseballplayerthanWillieMays.Supposeyoujustknowthat’sthecase—butyouhaveahardtimeexplainingyourviewtootherpeople.Theproblemmaybethatyoulackthewordsyouneed.Oritmaybethatyoulackinformation:thestatisticsandspecificanecdotestoprovidecontentforyourargument.

Forwhileyousurelycan’tcommunicatewellwithoutspecificlanguage,youalsocan’tcommunicatewithoutspecificinformation,whetherthatinformationissensorydetails,statistics,anecdotes,orexamples.Manypeoplestruggletowritebecausetheysimplyhaven’tcollectedenoughmaterialtoworkwith.Ifthisisthecaseforyou,then,inadditiontoexercisinganddevelopingyourabilitytousewords,youalsoneedtogetintothehabitofcollectingcontentmaterialforyourpiecesofwriting.(HowtoBeaWritercontainsmanypracticesthatteachyouhowtocollectanddevelopyourmaterial.)

Practice:GeneralandSpecificWords

Invent(orcollectfromconversation,newspapers,televisionbroadcasts,etc.)someverygeneralstatements;writedownasmanyasyoucan.Trytouseasmuchgenerallanguageaspossible:Thatwasagooddinner.She’saniceperson.Readsomeofthesealoudandpayattentiontowhathappensinyourmindasyouhearthem.Whatdoyounotice?

Nowgobackthroughyourlistandpickoneofyourgeneralstatements.Rewriteittomakeitmorespecific.Inventdetailsifyouhaveto.Thentakeeachremaininggeneralstatementandrewriteit,usingspecifics.

Nowreadeachgeneralstatementoutloudagain,andthenreadtherevisedversionoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?What’sthedifferenceintheeffectthegeneralstatementhasonyouandtheeffectthespecificstatementhas?

Thespecificstatementwillmakesomethinghappeninsideyourmind;thegeneralstatementwillnot.Whenweusespecifics,whetherthedetailsofsensoryexperienceorthedetailsofstatistics,wecanmakepicturesforourreaders.Wecanshowthemourmeaning,notmerelytellthemwhatitis.

TheValueofSpecificWordsThistechniqueofshowingourreaderswhatwemeanisoneofthemostpowerfulonesavailabletowriters.

Thehumanbrainisconstructedtounderstandverbalcommunicationmosteasily,toprocessandretainwhatissaidmosteffectively,whenthatcommunicationisdonethroughpicturesmadeoutofwords.Inthenextchapter,“TheLanguageoftheImagination,”we’llexploreinmoredetailhowskilledwritersmakeverbalpictures.Professionalshaveasolidunderstandingofthequalitiesofwords;theyknowthatonlycertainkindsofwordscanbeusedtomakeverbalpictures.Mostofthetime,our“picturewords”needtobespecific.Ifwewanttowritelikethepros,weneedtobecomefluentinthelanguageofspecifics.

Tosaythatthelanguageofspecificsisanessentialwriter’stoolisnottodenyourneedforgeneralwords.Wewouldfinditdifficulttowritewithoutgeneralwordslikesportsorartorliterature.What’smostimportantistobeawarethatwehavechoices,andthatwehavetheabilitytodecide,inanyparticularplaceinasentence,whetherageneralwordoraspecificwordwillbestserveourpurpose.Thequestionisnot“goodwordsversusbadwords”;thequestionis“Whatdoyouwanttodowithyourwords?”Andifwhatyouwanttodoistoshow,notjusttell,yourreaderwhatyoumean,thenyouwillneedtomakeprimaryuseofthelanguageofspecifics.Hereareafewwaystodothat:

TechniquesforUsingSpecifics

1.Usespecificsinsteadofmakingageneralstatement.Forexample:

[Cooper]wasatall,thinfellow,withasallowfaceinwhichtherewasnotaspotofcolour.Itwasafaceallinonetone.Hehadalarge,hookednoseandblueeyes.…[His]largeskull,coveredwithshort,brownhair,contrastedsomewhatoddlywithaweak,smallchin.Hewasdressedinkhakishortsandakhakishirt,buttheywereshabbyandsoiled;andhisbatteredtopeehadnotbeencleanedfordays.

—W.SomersetMaugham,“TheOutstation”

2.Makeageneralstatement,thenfollowitwithspecifics.Forexample:

Fogeverywhere.Foguptheriver,whereitflowsamonggreenaits[smallislands]andmeadows;fogdowntheriver,whereitrollsdefiledamongthetiersofshippingandthewatersidepollutionsofagreat(anddirty)city.FogontheEssexmarshes,fogontheKentishheights.Fogcreepingintothecaboosesofcollier-brigs;foglyingoutontheyardsandhoveringintheriggingofgreatships;fogdroopingonthegunwalesofbargesandsmallboats.FogintheeyesandthroatsofancientGreenwichpensioners,wheezingbythefiresidesoftheirwards;foginthestemandbowloftheafternoonpipeofthewrathfulskipper,downinhisclosecabin…

—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse

Infact,[Rip]declareditwasofnousetoworkonhisfarm;itwasthemostpestilentlittlepieceofgroundinthewholecountry;everythingaboutitwentwrong,andwouldgowrong,inspiteofhim.Hisfenceswerecontinuallyfallingtopieces;hiscowwouldeithergoastray,orgetamongthecabbages;weedsweresuretogrowquickerinhisfieldsthananywhere

else;therainalwaysmadeapointofsettinginjustashehadsomeoutdoorworktodo…

—WashingtonIrving,“RipVanWinkle”

Then,whilethepedlaratehisfillofmeatandcurds,Cateryneputmorefoodintohispack—cheese,andtwoloavesmadeofbeansandbran,andagourdfullofale.

—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThePedlarofSwaffham”

3.Givespecifics,thenfollowthemwithageneralstatement.Forexample:

Defencelessvillagesarebombardedfromtheair,theinhabitantsdrivenoutintothecountryside,thecattlemachinegunned,thehutssetonfirewithincendiarybullets:thisiscalledpacification.

—GeorgeOrwell,PoliticsandtheEnglishLanguage

Practice:UseSpecifics

Takingthepassagesaboveasexamples,tryouteachofthefollowingtechniquesforusingspecifics:

1. Writeafewsentencesonasubjectofyourchoice,usingspecifics.2. Followageneralstatementwithexamplesorspecifics.3. Givespecifics,thenfollowwithageneralstatement.

Whatdidyounoticeindoingthesepractices?

SpecificsandStyle

Perhapsyounoticedthathavingtomakeyourlanguagemorespecificforcedyoutocomeupwithmorethingstosay,withmoredetailsaboutyoursubject.Mostofthetime,thisisagoodthing—mostinexperiencedwritersrelytooheavilyongeneralizations.Butsomeofyoumayfeelthatyoudon’twantsomuchdetailin

yourwriting.Makingchoicesabouthowmanyspecificdetailstouseisonemorewaythatawriter’sstyleiscreated.

Somewriterslovedetail.Wecouldcalltheirstyleelaborateorhighlyornamented.TheparagraphfromDickensisagoodexample.

Otherwriterspreferamoreplainstyle,usingtheminimumamountofdetailnecessarytocommunicateandtocreatetheeffecttheyintend.Forinstance:

Itwaslateandeveryonehadleftthecaféexceptanoldmanwhosatintheshadowtheleavesofthetreemadeagainsttheelectriclight.

—ErnestHemingway,“AClean,Well-LightedPlace”

Doyouwanttodevelopaplainstyle,anornamentedstyle,orastylesomewhereinbetween?Thechoiceisuptoyou.

Skilledwritersdon’tmaketheirchoicesabouthowmuchspecificdetailtousesimplyatrandom.Theirchoicesdependontheirparticularpurpose,onwhattheyaretryingtodowiththeirwriting.Ifyougivealotofdetailaboutsomething,youareinvitingyourreadertospendtimewiththat“something,”todwellthereforawhile.Forinstance,thatparagraphfromBleakHousecomesonthefirstpageofathousand-pagenovel.Dickenswantedtomakesurehisreaderswereshownthatfog,sothattheywouldexperiencethefog-likeatmospherethatenvelopsalltheeventsinthestory.

Practice:ReadforSpecifics

Oneofthebestwaystogetafeelforthepowerofspecificlanguageistoreadtheworkofwriterswhousethislanguagewithskill.Youcanfindsuchwritersexercisingtheirskillvirtuallyanysubjectandinmanygenres.(Youwon’tfindthem—oronlyrarely—inacademiaorpoliticsorgovernment,whereemptygeneralizationsrule.)Sotakesometimetoreadwriterswhocanuselanguagetoshowyousomething,andpaycarefulattentiontotheeffecttheirwordshaveuponyou.Ifyoulike,markpassagesyoufindespeciallyeffective,thengoback

laterandseeifyoucandiscoverwhichwordsorphrasescreatedthateffect.Writethosewordsandphrasesinyournotebook,lookupthemeaningsofanywordsyoudon’tknow,andpracticeusingthem.

Practice:FreewritewithSpecifics

Dotenminutesoffreewritingonwhateversubjectyoulike(ormovefromonesubjecttoanother).Asyouwrite,beawareofthewordsyou’reputtingonthepage.Don’tjudgethem;simplynoticewhethertheyaregeneralorspecific.Ifyounoticegeneralwords,seeifyoucanmakethefollowingwordsorgroupsofwords—whichperhapsamplifythemeaningofthegeneralwords—morespecific.Keepyourattentiononbeingmorespecific,withouttryingtoohard.Keepthepenmoving.Seewhathappens!

Whatdidyounotice?Perhapsyounoticedthatthisishardforyoutodo.Thatwouldnotbe

surprising,asthelanguageofgeneralitiesisthelanguagewearemostfamiliarwith.Thelanguageofgeneralitiesiseasytouse;ourbrainsdon’thavetoworkveryhardtocomeupwithwordsandphraseslikeShe’ssobeautifulorThat’sawesome!Topracticeusingspecifics,though,meansexercisingthelanguage“muscles”ofourbrains.Aswithanyotherformofexercise,wemayatfirsthavetoovercomeinertia.Afewminutesoffreewriting,withtheconscioususeofspecificlanguage,isagoodplacetobegin.

Therewardsofdevelopingourabilitytousespecificlanguagearetwofold.First,wewillexerciseandstrengthenthepartsofourbrainsthatdealwithlanguage.Second,wewillprovideourselveswithwordsthathavegreatpower.Whenwecanrecognizeandmakeuseofwordsthathavethequalityofbeingspecific—aswellaswordsthathavethequalityofbeingconcrete(thesubjectofthenextsection)—thenwewillbemuchmoreeffectivecommunicators,andwewillbeabletomakeaverypowerfulkindofmagicwithwords.

TheQualitiesofWords3:Abstract/Concrete

Ourwordshaveyetathirdqualitythat’simportantforustoknowaboutandbeabletorecognize:Theycanbewhatwecall“concrete”wordsor“abstract”words.Aconcretewordisonethatconveystoourmindssomethingwecanknowthroughthesenses,liketreeorbirdsong.Anabstractwordgivesussomethingwecanknowonlythroughtheintellect,likejusticeorhope.

Practice:AbstractandConcreteNouns

It’seasiesttodistinguishabstractfromconcretebylookingatnouns.(Anounisthenameofaperson,place,thing,idea,emotion,etc.)

Startbycollectingnouns.Thenlookbackthroughyourlist,andmarkalltheconcreteones(namingpeopleorplacesorthingswecanknowthroughoursenses)andalltheabstractones(namingthingsorideaswecanknowonlythroughtheintellect).Ifyoufindyouhavecollectedmoreofonekindofnounthantheother,addwordstomakeyourlistmorebalanced.Nowreadyourlistofwordsaloudslowly,payingattentiontowhathappensinsideyourmindasyoureadeachword.

Whatdidyounoticeasyoudidthispractice?What’sthedifferenceineffectbetweennounsthatareconcreteandnounsthatareabstract?Whathappenedinyourmindandbodywhenyouheardeachword?

TheDifferenceBetweenAbstractandConcreteWordsWhenwereadorhearaconcreteword,whathappensinourmindsisthis:Apictureappears.Say,orread,theworddog,andyouwillpictureadog.Say,orread,thewordwoman,andyouwillpictureawoman.Concretewordsspeaktooursensoryintelligence,bywayofourimaginations;theyevokeinourmindssomethingreal,somethingwecanseeorhear,tasteortouch.Butwhenwereadorhearanabstractword,nopictureswillappearinourmind,exceptbyassociationwiththeword.Say,orread,thewordjusticeorthewordbelief,and

the“picture-screen”inyourmindwillremainblank.Abstractwordsdonotconjureupphysicalreality;theymerelyconveyconceptsandideas.

Tounderstandthedifferencebetweenabstractandconcretewordsistoprovideoneselfwithoneofawriter’smostpowerfultools.

Youmayalreadybefamiliarwiththedifferenceinpowerbetweenconcreteandabstractwords.Buttheoveruseofabstractwordsissuchaprevailingcharacteristicofprofessional,academic,andbureaucraticwritingthatIwanttocallattentiontoitforamoment.

Anyonewho’severtakenacollegecourse,orreadabookbyaprofessor,hasmostlikelyencounteredwritinglikethis:

Thoughanincreasinginterestonthepartoftheeducationalcommunityisbeingshownintranspersonalteaching,theliteraturereflectsalackofempiricallybasedstudiesconcerningtheteachercharacteristicsassociatedwithitsadoption.Thepurposeofthisstudy,therefore,wastoattempttoidentifycharacteristics(values,attitudes,andteachingphilosophy)pertinenttotranspersonalorientednon-publicschoolteachersandtocompareandcontrastthosecharacteristicstothoseofpublicschoolorientedteachers.

—quotedbyRichardMitchell,TheGravesofAcademe

Whathappensinyourmindwhenyoureadthesewords?Takeacloserlookatthispassage:Howmanyconcretewordshastheauthorused?

Nowreadthispassage:

Meanwhile,athome,weshouldtrytokeepoutofreach,andevenoutofsight,valuableordangerousobjectsthatwedon’twantchildrentotouch.Atthesametime,weshouldkeeponhandagoodmanyobjectscheapanddurableenoughsothatachildcantouchthemandusethem;weshouldn’thavetoworryiftheygetbroken.Manyordinaryhouseholdobjectswould

begoodpresentsforsmallchildren;aneggbeater,asaucepan,aflashlight.Afterall,itdoesn’tmakemuchsense,inafamilythatwilllaterspendtensofthousandsofdollarsonthechild’seducation,togetupset,andtoupsethim,becausehemayruinsomethingworthtwenty-fivecents.

—JohnHolt,HowChildrenLearn

Whathappensinyourmindwhenyoureadthesewords?Howmanyconcretewordshastheauthorused?

Thedifferencesinstylebetweenthesetwopassages(bothwrittenbyeducators)arenotcreatedbywordchoicealone,butit’sworthtakingcarefulnoteofthedifferenceineffectbetweenthefirstauthor’sobsessionwithabstractionsandHolt’smorejudicioususeofthem.Canyouunderstandwhatthefirstwriterissaying?WhataboutthepassagefromHolt’sbook?Ifyou’relikeme,youfoundHolt’swritingclearandcomprehensibleandtheotherpassageimpossibletounderstand.Holthassuccessfullycommunicated,transferredwhathehadtosayfromhismindtoours;theotherwriterhascommunicatednothing.

Doesthismeanthatweshouldneveruseanabstraction?Ofcoursenot!Wherewouldwebewithoutwordslikeloveorjusticeorpeace?Butweneedtodevotespecialcaretousingthesewords.Abstractionsarenotprecise;theyarenotspecific.TheyarewhatIliketocall“suitcasewords”—wordsthatcontainmanypossiblemeaningsandideas.(Thisiswhytheyaresuchusefultoolsforwriterswhowanttodisguiseorhidethetruth.)Ifyouwanttouseabstractionswell,youhavetoknownotjusttheirdictionarymeanings,butwhatyoumeanwhenyouusethem.Ifyouwrite,Inthissituation,weallwantjusticetobedone,orEverybodyneedslove,youneed,firstofall,tobesureofyourownmeaning:Whatareyoutryingtosaythroughtheabstractionsjusticeorlove?Thenyouneedtomakeyourmeaningcleartoyourreaders.

Sinceabstractwords,likegeneralwords,arevague,thebestwaytomakeyourmeaningclearistogetmorespecific.Showyourreaderwhatyoumeanbythoseabstractionsbygivingspecificexamples,details,orstatistics.

Practice:UseAbstractLanguage

Pickoutanabstractionortwofromthelistyoumadeearlierandwriteasentenceusingit.Startwithashort,simplesentence;thenrewritethissentenceasmanytimesasyouneedto,addingmoresentences,ifyoulike,andmakingcleartoyourreadershowyouwantthemtounderstandtheabstractioninthisparticularsituation.

Whatdidyounoticeindoingthis?Here’ssomethingelsetotry:Bringanabstractiontomind,thentrytowrite

somesentencesthatwillconveythatabstractiontothemindofyourreaderwithoutincludingtheabstractionitselfinyoursentences.

Todothesepractices,youhadtodigintoyourwordhoardforconcretewords.Let’splayalittlemorewiththese.

Practice:UseConcreteLanguage

Collectsomeconcretewords(viainternalcollectingorfromyourreading),andmakesureyouknowwhattheymean.Thenplaywithusingsomeofthesewordstomakesentences.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?Oneofthethingsyouwillnotice,Isuspect,isthatusingconcretelanguage

unencumberedbyabstractionsmakesyoufeelmoreconnectedtotherealworld.Concretelanguageisthelanguageofsensoryreality,andtowriteaboutthelittlebrowndogortheredandorangesunsetputsusdirectlyintouchwiththatrealityinawaythatabstractlanguage—thecutedog,thegorgeoussunset—doesnot.

Touseconcretelanguagewellistomakeaverypowerfulkindofverbalmagic,onewe’llexplorefurtherinthenextchapter.

Practice:ReadforAbstractandConcreteLanguage

Selectapassagefromafavoritewriter,andexamineitforabstractandconcretelanguage.Whatdoyounotice?

Practice:FreewritewithAbstractandConcreteLanguage

Dosomefreewritingandbeawareofwhetheryourwordsareabstractorconcrete;trytoconcentrateononeortheother.Whatdoyounoticeineachcase?

Asyoudothepracticesinthissection,youmaynoticethatabstractwordsareoftengeneral,whileconcretewordsareoftenspecific.Thisisnotalwaysthecase,though.Awordcanbegeneralandabstract,likehumanity;orgeneralandconcrete,likefood.Awordorphrasecanevenbespecificthoughabstract,likeanon-basepercentageof.400.

TheValueoftheQualitiesofWordsAword’sparticularqualities,betheyabstractorconcrete,generalorspecific,givethatwordaparticularpower.Tomakegooduseofthispower,weneedtothink,notonlyaboutwhatwewanttosaywithourwords,butalsoaboutwhatwearetryingtodowiththem.Simplyputtingourthoughtsandfeelingsintowords,thoughitmaysatisfyusandteachussomething,isnotenoughwhenwearewritingtoothers.Whenwewriteforreaders,wehavetothinkaboutwhatwewantourwordstodotothem.

Althoughit’sessentialthatreadersunderstandwhatwe’retryingtosay—confusedreadersstopturningthepages—it’sequallyimportantthatourwordsmovetheminsomeway.Dowewantthemtolaugh?Cry?Holdtheirbreath?Thenweneedtoknowhowtomakeuseofthedifferentqualitiesofwords.Whenwecanmoveeasilybetweenformalandinformallanguage,generalandspecific,abstractandconcrete,wehavethefoundationformastering“thelanguageoftheimagination,”thesubjectofthenextchapter.

TakeTimetoReflect

Takesometimetoreflectonpaperaboutyourexperiencesdoingthesepractices.Whathaveyoulearned?Whatdoyoustillwanttolearn?

Chapter7

TheLanguageoftheImagination

Theartistseeksouttheluminousdetailandpresentsit.—EzraPound

Whatdoyouthinktheimaginationis?Manypeoplethinkit’smerelytheabilitytomakethingsup,ortocreatefantasy.Theimaginationcandothosethings,butitsrealpowerismorefundamental.Atitsmostbasic,theimaginationisthementalfacultythatletsuscreateinourmindspicturesofthings—realorinvented—thatarenotactuallypresenttooursenses.Inourimagination,wecanseethefaceofafriendwhoisfaraway;wecantastethehamburgerweplantoeatfordinner;wecansmelltheperfumeoneofourcharactersiswearing.

Manypeoplebelievethatit’sonlythegiftedfewwhohave“imagination”—butthat’snotso.Theimaginationisanaturalhumanfaculty,onewearebornwith,andeveryonehasone.Withouttheimagination,wecouldn’tfunction.Frombirth,weareconstantlyabsorbinginformationabouttheworldaroundusthroughoursensesandturningthatinformationintomentalimages.Weallusethatabilitytomakeimagesquiteunconsciouslywhenwedream.

Then,youmightask,whycansomewritersusetheirimaginationsmoreeasilythanothers?They’vejusthadmorepractice.They’vepracticedexercisingtheirimaginations,and—evenmoreimportant—they’vedevelopedtheirpowersofobservation,onwhichthefacultyofimaginationdepends.

Toworkwell,theimaginationdependsentirelyonoursenses.Ourbrainsaredesignedtopayattentiontoandtakeinsensoryinformation:theparticularsmellofburningcereal,forinstance,orthesoundofasnakehissinginthe

shadows.This“data”providedtothebrainbythesensestakestheformofmental“pictures,”whichwecallsensoryimagesorperceptualimages.Manypeoplegothroughlifewithoutpayingmuchattentiontotheinformationtheirsensesgivethem:They’rewrappedupintheirthoughts.Butskilledwritershavetrainedthemselvesintheactivitiesofobservation;theyhavelearnedtopaycloseattentiontowhattheirsensesarecollecting.Inthisway,theirimaginationsbecomeastorehouseofrawmaterial;whentheywrite,theydrawfromthisstorehousevariousdetailsofcolorandlight,ofweatherandlandscape,ofpeople’sfacialexpressionsandclothingandspeech,andmuchmore.Ifwewanttohavewell-stockedimaginations,thenwe,too,needtotrainourpowersofobservation.Fromsuchastorehouse,theimaginationofaskilledwriterselectsandcombinessensorydetailstocreatepeopleandplacesandeventsthatmayberealormayneverhaveexisted.

Someofyouwillknowthatyouhavesuchastorehouse;othersmaynotbesure.Forthoseinthesecondgroup,Isuggestthatyoutrythefollowingexercises.(Andifyouwantmore,youcanfindtheminmybookHowtoBeaWriter.)

Practice:WakeUpYourImagination

Putyourself,inyourimagination,inaplaceyoulike.Usingallyoursenses,noticewhatisaroundyou.Whatdoyousee,hear,taste,smell,andtouch?Trytonoticeasmuchdetailasyoucan.Then,withoutworryingaboutyourwords,jotdownallthedetailsinyournotebook.

Practice:WakeUpYourImagination

Ifyoufindthisexerciseeasy,thentryinventingaplaceandputtingyourselfthere.Onceagain,useyoursensestonoticeallthedetails;writethemdown.

Practice:WakeUpYourImagination

Readapassagefromoneofyourfavoritewriters,payingparticularattentiontothepicturesbeingmadeinyourimagination.Nowreadthepassageagain.Can

youidentifythewordsorsentencesthatputthosepicturesintoyourmind?

Images:TheLanguageoftheImagination

Theimaginationspeaksinsensoryimages.Thosepicturescometousnaturallyindreamsatnight,orindaydreams.Wecanmakemoredeliberateuseofthemwhenwewrite.Notalltheimagesourimaginationprovidesuswitharevividanddetailed;somearevagueandrathergeneral,mere“senseimpressions.”Butwhetherourmentalimagesarevividorvague,whenwewanttocommunicatethoseimages,whenwewanttomakethemcomealiveintheimaginationsofourreaders,weneedaparticularwritingskill:Weneedtobeabletousewordstotransferthepicturesinourmindsintothemindsofourreaders.

Here’sawaytopicturetheprocessofimage-transferthathappensinsuccessfulimaginativewriting:

Theprocessstartswithanimageinthemindofthewriter,eitheranimageofsomethingreal(say,apictureofachildhoodtoy)oranimageofsomethingthewriterinvents.Thewriterthenmustuselanguagetotransferthepictureinhermindaseffectivelyaspossibleintotheimaginationofherreader,sothatthereadercanmakehisownmentalpicture.Toeffectthistransfer,writersneedtobeabletoconstructimagesmadeoutofwords;theseareknownasverbalimages.Inordertomakesuchimagessuccessfully,wehavetotrainourselvesinthelanguageoftheimagination.

Itmaybethatyoufinditeasytouseyourimagination:Thepicturesofpeople,places,things,orscenesareallthere,andyoucan’twaittogetthemdownonthepage.Butsomehowwhenyoutrytodothat,thewordsnever

transmittoothersthosepicturesthataresovividinyourimagination.Isuspectthatmostpeoplewhowanttowrite“creatively”andgetstuck(andthenoftengiveup)fallintothisgroup.

Theirproblemisnot,astheyoftenassume,thattheyarenotcreative.Theirproblemisthattheyhaveneverlearned—ortheyhaveforgotten—howtousethelanguageoftheimagination,thelanguageofpictures.

FrancisChristensen,ascholarwhospenthisprofessionallifetryingtounderstandhowlanguageworks,believedthattherearetwomainthingswecandowithwords:Wecantalkaboutsomething,orwecanpictureit.Hecalledthetwokindsofwritingthatresult“discursivewriting”or“representationalwriting.”Discursivewritingisthewritingwedoatworkorinschool.It’sthewritingwedotoexplainsomethingortogiveinstructions,topersuadeortoargueapoint.Representationalwritingisdifferent:Whenwedothiskindofwriting,wearetryingtomakepicturesinourreaders’minds,picturesofsomeoneorsomething’sappearance(description)orpicturesofsomeoneorsomething’sbehaviororactions(narration).

Iwanttoemphasizethedifferencebetweenthesetwokindsofwriting,becauseunderstandingthisdifferenceisoneofthekeystolearninghowtodowhatwecall“creativewriting.”Soletmerepeat:Indiscursivewriting,wearetalkingaboutsomething;inrepresentationalwriting,wearepicturingthatthing(orperson,place,oridea).

Skillinusingthe“picture-language”oftheimaginationallowswriterstogiveuspassageslikethis:

Hewasdark,withthepaleskinandblackhairthatagoodmanyHighlanderspossess,thinandratherscholarlylookinginanangularanduncoordinatedway.Heworeasmoothtweedsuit,wornslightlyatelbowsandkneesandbuttonholes,abrownandwhitecheckedshirt,andadarkgreentie,andhelookedasthoughhemightbeaschoolmasteroraprofessorofsomeobscurescience.

—RosamundePilcher,TheEndofSummer

Orthis:

Thelittleshack,therattling,rottenbarnweregrey-bittenwithseasalt,beatenbythedampwinduntiltheyhadtakenonthecolorofthegranitehills.

—JohnSteinbeck,“Flight”

Whathappenedinyourmindasyoureadthesepassages?WhenIaskmystudentsthisquestion,theyallreply,IgotPICTURES!

Tomakeskillfuluseofthelanguageoftheimaginationistocreateaparticularlypowerfulkindofverbalmagic.Thinkaboutthisforamoment,ifyouwill:Afewcarefullychosenandarrangedwords,andwecanseethatHighlanderandthosebuildings.Weare,inasense,underthespellofthesewords.Perhapsit’sbecausetheyrecognizethepowerofthiskindofspell-makingthatsomanyprofessorsandteachersandcriticsbelieveonlycertainspecialpeoplecanwritethisway.

Theprofessorsandteachersandcriticsarewrong.Absolutely,totallywrong.

Considerthis:Humanshavebeenusingthelanguageofrepresentation—whatI’mcallingthelanguageoftheimagination—sincethebeginningofhumanspeech.Thelanguageoftheimaginationcomesnaturallytoallofus.Butthelanguageofschool,especiallyhighereducation,isthelanguageofdiscourse;there’snoplaceinthatworldforthelanguageofmakingpictures.So,sadly,manyaspiringwriters,havingspentmostoftheirlivesinschool,havelosttouchwith“picture-language.”

Butevenifyouhaven’tusedthelanguageoftheimaginationsinceyouwereakid,youcanstilllearntomakeitspoweryourown.Allyouneedissome

practiceinmakingverbalimages,startingwithfillingyourwordhoardwiththevocabularyofthesenses.

TheVocabularyoftheSenses

Thistypeofvocabularyconsistsofspecific,concretewordsthatcommunicatetheinformationwereceivethroughoursenses.Eachsensegivesusdifferentkindsofinformation.Oureyesperceivelightanddarkness,colors,texture,distance,movement,shape;ourearsperceivethepitchandqualityofsounds,theirloudnessorsoftness,theirrelativedistancefromus;ourtouchreceptorsgiveustemperatureandtexture;andsoon.Wealsohavebodymechanisms,notstrictlysenses,thatgiveusinformationaboutthequalitiesofmotionandbalanceandbodyalignment.

Let’scollectsomeofthevocabularywecanusetocommunicatetheperceptionsofoursenses.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Vision

Collectwordsthatcommunicateperceptionsgiventousbyoureyes.Howmanycolorsandshadescanyouname?Whataresomeofthewordsyouhaveforshapes,forsizes,fordistances,formovement?

Now,inyourimagination,putyourselfinaplace(realorinvented),andlookaroundcarefully.Noticethekindsofperceptionsyoureyescanmake.Collectallthewordsthatnamethingsyoucanseeinthisplace.

Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatconveyvisualperceptions.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Hearing

Collectwordsthatcommunicatethesoundsthingsandpeoplecanmake.(Forexample:hiss,murmur,growl,crash.)Alsocollectwordsthatconveyqualitiesofsounds(loud,soft,long,etc.).

Now,inyourimagination,putyourselfsomeplaceandnoticewhatyouhear.Collectwordsforeverythingyoucanhear.

Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatconveyauralperceptions.Asyouplaywiththesepracticesforconveyingsoundsensations,youwill

probablynoticethatit’seasytocollectwordsthatseemtomakesoundsthemselves.Wordslikebuzz,rasp,andsmackarecomposedofsoundsthatechothesensethewordsmake.Whenwechoosesuchwords,weareusingthewritingtechniquecalledonomatopoeia.Poets,inparticular,lovetomakeuseofthistechnique,aswhenTennysonproclaimed:thebuzzingofinnumerablebees.There’snoreason,though,forprosewritersnottousethetechnique,too.

Ifyouwanttogiveitatry,experimentwiththisformula:the________(namethesound)of________(namewhateverismakingthesound).Forinstance:Thebuzzingofbees.Thegrowlofthemotor.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Touch

Collectthevocabularyofthefingersandtheskin.Whatperceptionsdothesesenseorgansgiveus?(Softness,hardness,smoothness,roughness,temperature,andsoon.)

Putyourselfsomeplaceinyourimaginationandtoucheverythingthatissafetotouch.Collectthewordsthatnameyourperceptions.(Youmayfindithelpfultocloseyoureyesasyoudothisexercise.)

Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatconveytactileperceptions.Asyoudothesepracticesforthesenseoftouch,youmayfindyourself

stuckforwords.That’sbecauseinEnglishthegreatestpartofourvocabularyofthesensesisdevotedtowordsforsightsandsounds.Wehaveamuchsmallervocabularyfortheothersenses.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:TasteandSmell

Thenoseandthetastebudsoftenworktogethertogiveussensoryinformation;thevocabulariesofsmellandtasteoverlap.Collectwordsfromthese

vocabularies:Whatkindsofinformationdoournoseandtastebudsgiveus?(Forexample:sour-sweet;bitter;salty;texture;temperature.)

Putyourself,inyourimagination,someplacewheretherearelotsofthingsyoucansafelysmellandtaste.Collectallthewordsthatnameyourperceptions.

Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatwillcommunicateyourperceptionstoreaders.

Asyoudidtheseexperimentsinmakingsentences,youmayhavenoticedthatoftenyoucoulduseeitheranounoraverbtoconveysensoryimpressions.YoucanwriteeitherIsmelledtheroseorthesmelloftherose.Whatelsedidyounoticeasyoudidthesepractices?Youmaywanttotakeafewminutestorecordyourthoughtsandquestions.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:BodyLanguage

Inadditiontothefivesenses,humanshavewhatarecalled“proprioceptivemechanisms,”whichincludeourabilitytosensewhatourmusclesaredoing,tomaintainourbalance,tonoticeourbreathing,andsoon.Mostofthetimeweareunawareofthesemechanisms;however,ifweturnourattentiontothem,wecangatherotherkindsofperceptionsthatwecanuseinourwriting.

Togathertheseperceptionswecandotwothings:observeotherpeople’sbodylanguageveryclosely,andpayattentiontowhatishappeninginourownbodies.

Youcandothefollowingpracticeinyourimagination,ifyoulike,butyoumayhavemorefunwithitifyougotoaplacewheretherearepeopleandpayattentiontotheirbodylanguage.Watchsomeoneforawhile,andnoticehisgesturesandothermovements.Lookathowrelaxedortensethispersonis;seeifyoucandiscoveranymovementsthatseemcharacteristic.Takenotesonwhatyouareobserving,andalsonoticewhatthepersonis“saying”throughhisbody.(Wecommunicateasmuchthroughourbodylanguageasthroughourwords!)

Ifyoulike,youcanalsoexplorebodylanguagebytuningintoyourownbodyandcollectingwordsthatnameordescribethethingsitdoes:balance,

breathe,digest,clenchandrelaxmuscles,andsoon.Seehowspecificyoucanmakeyourobservations.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Synesthesia

Oneofthewaysthatwritersexpandtheirvocabularyofthesensesistomakeuseofatechniquecalledsynesthesia.(ThewordcomesfromGreekwordsthatmean“blendedfeeling.”)Thoughthewordmaysoundadvanced,thetechniqueisoneweusefrequentlyinordinaryspeech.Weuseawordthatcomesfromthevocabularyofonesensetonamesomethingweperceivewithadifferentsense.Forinstance,wordslikesweetandsourandbitteraretastewords,butweusethemtosaythingslike“asweetsong,”“asourmoment,”or“abittercold.”

Gobacktothesensorywordsyoucollectedintheabovepractices.Experimentwithusingsomeofthemtopicturesomethingfromadifferentsense.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:CombiningSenses

Inyourimagination,gosomeplace(arealplaceoramade-upone)anduseallyoursensestonoticewhatisaroundyou.Collectontothepageasmanydetailsasyoulike.Now,usingthevocabularyofthesenses,makeapicturethatwillcommunicatetoreaderswhatyouhaveperceivedinyourimagination.

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:PicturingEmotion

Writeashortsentencethatnamesanemotionoramentalorphysicalstate.Useordinarylanguage.Forexample:Joeisveryhappy.

Nowpicturethepersoninthegripofthatemotion(orinthatcondition):Joehasabigsmileonhisface.Donotuseanywordthatnamestheemotionorcondition;showitinstead.

Trythisanumberoftimes,usingdifferentemotionsorconditions,suchasfear,fatigue,preoccupation,contempt,andsoon.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:ReadingasaWriter

Thebestwaytofillyourwordhoardwiththevocabularyofthesensesistoborrowwordsfromskilledwriters.Asyouread,makenoteofsensorywordsyoulike.Lookthemupinadictionarytomakesureyouknowwhattheymean.Andthenpracticeusingthem.Soontheywillbecomeapartofthevocabularyyoucandrawoneasilywhenyouwrite.

Tousethevocabularyofthesensescomesnaturallytomostpeople.Onceyouturnyourattentiontotheseparticularwords,youwillprobablyfinditveryeasytomakeuseofthem.Asyoupractice,youwillfindyourselfavoidingabstractionsandgeneralitiesandinsteadchoosingsensorywordstomakeverbalimages.

MakingChoiceswithVerbalImages

Whenwefilloursentenceswiththevocabularyofthesenses,wearemakingverbalimages.Thatis,wearemakingword-picturesthatcommunicatetoourreadersthepicturesinourownimaginations.Ratherthantalkingaboutwhatitiswewanttoshowourreaders,wegivethemthesensorydetailsandletthosedetailsactontheirimaginations.

Thewriterswecall“great”aremastersinthecraftofmakingverbalimages.Oneofthethingstheyknowhowtodoistochoose,fromallthedetailstheirimaginationsgivethem,exactlytherightonestoconveythespecificsensorypicturestheywanttogetacrosstotheirreaders.Inmakingverbalimages,aswitheveryotheraspectofthewritingcraft,weneedtolearnhowtomakechoices.

Onethingweneedtochooseisthelengthofourimages.Shouldtheimagewemakehere,inthisplaceinourwriting,beashortone—justafewwords—oralongone—anentireparagraph,oreventwoorthree?Andwhatabouttheoneweneedhere?Thechoicesawritermakesaboutthelengthofverbalimagesisonethingthathelpsdefinehisparticularstyle.

Anotherthingtoconsiderishowvividwewantaparticularwordpicturetobe.Howmanysensorydetailsshouldwegive?Whichparticulardetailsdowewanttouse?

Asyouread,payattentiontohoweachauthorusessensorydetails.Oneofthethingsthatyoumaynoticeisthatwritersdifferagreatdealintheamountofspecificdetailtheyprovidetotheirreaders.Perhapsonewaytothinkaboutthisisthat,aswriters,wehavetodecidehowmuchwewanttoinsistonourreadersseeingourmentalpicturesexactlythewayweseethem,andhowmuchwewanttoallowourreaderstousetheirownimaginations.

Whicheverchoicewemake,though,wehavetoincludeenoughdetailsothatweactivateourreaders’imaginations.Thenwecanconsiderhowsharplywewanttofocusourimages.

CreatingSharperFocusforImagesIfyougivethesameamountofdetailforeverythingyoupicture,yourreaderwillquicklyfeelboredoroverwhelmed.Soyouhavetomakechoices—choicesaboutwhereandwhentosharpenthefocusofyourimages.

Herearesometechniquestoplaywiththatwillhelpyoucreateasharperfocuswhenyouchooseto:

1.AddAdjectivesandAdverbs

Considerthisimage:Thegirlwalkeddownthestreet.Whatpicturedothosewordsmakeinyourmind?Iftheymakeoneatall,it

willbevagueandblurry,likeanout-of-focusphotograph.Whataboutthisversion?Thesmallgirlwalkedalonedownthelong,darkstreet,linedwithunfamiliarhouses.

Theadjectivesandadverbmakethepicturemorefocused,morevivid.

Practice:SharperFocus:AddAdjectivesandAdverbs

Inyourimagination,makeapictureofoneperson,animal,orobject.Writeaverygeneralimage(oneshortsentenceisfine)forwhatyouhavepictured.Nowrewriteyoursentence,addingadjectivesandadverbstosharpenthefocus.

2.PointtoaPartoftheObjectorAction

Considerthisimage:Joedroveslowly.Nowconsiderthisrevision,whichsharpenstheimagebypointingtoapartofit:Joedroveslowly,hesitatingateverycorner.(The“pointing”isfromthegeneralslownessofJoe’sdrivingtothespecificmovementofhesitation.)

Here’sanotherexample:Helenstoppedtalkingandstaredoutthewindow.Nowhere’sarevisedversion,withpointing:Helenstoppedtalkingandstaredoutthewindow,hereyesgrownsuddenlycold.

Practice:SharperFocus:Pointing

Writeageneralimage,thensharpenthefocususingthe“pointingtechnique.”

3.ConsidertheEffectYouWantYourImagetoHaveonYourReaders

Thelanguageoftheimaginationisawriter’smostpowerfultooltomakethingshappeninsidereaders:tomakethemsee,hear,andtaste;tocreatesensationsandemotionsinsidethem.Todothiseffectively,wecan’tuseeverysingledetailourimaginationhastooffer.Wehavetomakechoices.Usuallythechoicewemakedependsonwhatwewantourlanguagepicturestodotoourreaders.

Practice:SharperFocus:ChoosingDetailsforEffect

Beginthispracticebychoosinganimagetomakeinyourmind:onefromapreviouspractice,oneyouinventnow,oronefromapieceofwritingyouareworkingon.Keepingthatimageinmind,considertheeffectyouwantittohaveinyourreader’smindwhenyoutransferitthereusingwords.Askyourself,WhatdoIwanttomakehappeninsidemyreader?

Nowspendsometimewiththeimageinyourmind,noticingitsvariousdetails,andthinkingaboutwhichonesyoumightchoosetoputintowords,sothattheverbalimageyoumakewillhavetheeffectyouwantittohaveonyourreader.Collectthesedetailsontothepage,usinganywordsthatwillhelpyourememberthem;then,usingthevocabularyofthesenses,constructoneormoreverbalimagestoaffectyourreaderthewayyouintend.(Rememberthatwehaveothersensesinadditiontosightandhearing.)

Ifyouwanttofindoutwhetheryourverbalimagesworkthewayyouwantthemto,askatrustedfriendtoreadthemandtotellyouwhathappenedinsidehimashetookinyourwords.Whatpicturesdidheget?Whatdidhefeelorthink?

Practice:SharperFocus:Imitation

Thebestwaytolearnhowverbalimagesworkonreadersistopayattentiontohowyoureactwhenyoureadstoriesorpoemsthatengageyourownimagination.

Takeapassagefromafavoriteauthor,and,asyouread,makenoteofverbalimagesthataffectyoupowerfully:imagesthatmakepicturesinyourimagination,imagesthatmakeyoufeelsensationsoremotions.Thengobacktoeachoneinturnandcopyitintoyournotebook.Readitoverslowly,noticingwhathappensinsideyou.Readitagainandseeifyounoticeanythingelse.Nowgobackthroughthepassageandseeifyoucandiscoverwhat,exactly,thewriterdidwithwordstomakethepassageaffectyouasitdid.Youmaywanttowritesomenotestoyourselfaboutwhatyouhavelearned.

Then,inwhateverwayyoulike,imitatethispassage.

4.ChooseBetweenStaticorMovingImages

Asyoupracticeimitatingverbalimagesmadebyskilledwriters,youwillprobablynoticethatsomeofthemhavenomovementinthem,whileothershaveagreatdealofmovement.Whatyouarenoticingisthedifferencebetweenstatic

images—theonesthatdon’tshowmovement—anddynamicimages—theonesthatdo.Whenwecreatestaticimageswearewritingdescription.Whenwecreatedynamicimageswearewritingnarration.Whilewecan,ifwelike,writeseparatedescriptiveandnarrativepassages,wecanalsocombinethetwo.

Herearesomeexamplesofdescription:

Itwasalittleaftersevenonasummermorning,andWilliamPotticarywastakinghisaccustomedwayovertheshortdowngrassofthecliff-top.Beyondhiselbow,twohundredfeetbelow,laythechannel,verystillandshining,likeamilkyopal.Allaroundhimhungthebrightair,emptyasyetoflarks.Inallthesunlitworldnosoundexceptforthescreamingofsomesea-gullsonthedistantbeach…

—JosephineTey,AShillingforCandles

Thisroomwasverylongandnarrow,andallalongonesidewerewindowswithwhite,ruffledcurtainsdrawnbackatthesides,andwithsmall,shiningpanesofglass,throughwhichthesunpouredgoldenlightonalongshelfofpottedplants…

—DorothyCanfieldFisher,UnderstoodBetsy

Practice:StaticImages

1. Bringanimagetoyourmind.Makesurethepictureisofsomethingthatdoesn’tmove.

2. Collectsensorydetailsfromthatimageandwritethemdown.3. Selectthedetailsyouwanttouse.4. Composetheimageinwords.

Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?

Practice:StaticImages

Collectseveralexamplesofstaticimagesfromyourreadingandcopythemintoyournotebook.Chooseone(ormore,ifyoulike)toimitate.Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?

Practice:MovingImages

Tocreateapictureinwordsofamovingimageistocreatenarration,totellapartofahappening.Herearesomeexamplesofmovingimages:

Rainsfordsprangupandmovedquicklytothe[ship’s]rail,mystified.Hestrainedhiseyesinthedirectionfromwhichthereportshadcome,butitwasliketryingtoseethroughablanket.Heleapedontotherailandbalancedhimselfthere,togetgreaterelevation;hispipe,strikingarope,wasknockedfromhismouth.Helungedforit…

—RichardConnell,“TheMostDangerousGame”

[Theboys]ranacrossthechurchyardforthesportofleapfroggingoverthemostconvenienttombstones,thenshoutedastheyhurledthemselvesonthegrassandrolleddownthemound…Theypeltedacrossthevillagestreetandscrambledtothetopofthefurthermound.

—BarbaraWillard,TheSprigofBroom

Trythispracticetocreatemovingimages:

1. Bringanimagetoyourmindofsomethingorsomeone,thenletthatpersonorthingmove.

2. Collectsensorydetailsfromthatmovingimageandwritethemdown.3. Selectthedetailsyouwanttouse.4. Composetheimageinwords.

Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?

Practice:CombineStaticandMovingImages

Thoughit’sgoodpracticetomakestaticandmovingimagesinisolation,muchofthetime,whenwewrite,wecombinethem.Forinstance:

OnthestepsoftheGreatLondonRoadpolicestationinEdinburgh,JohnRebuslithislastlegitimatecigaretteofthedaybeforepushingopentheimposingdoorandsteppinginside.Thestationwasold,itsfloordarkandmarbled.Ithadaboutitthefading

grandeurofadeadaristocracy.Ithadcharacter.Rebuswavedtothedutysergeant,whowastearingoldpicturesfromthe

notice-boardandpinningupnewonesintheirplace.Heclimbedthegreatcurvingstaircasetohisoffice.Campbellwasjustleaving.

—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses

Twogentlemenwhowereinthelavatoryatthetimetriedtolifthimup:buthewasquitehelpless.Helaycurledupatthefootofthestairsdownwhichhehadfallen.Theysucceededinturninghimover.Hishathadrolledafewyardsawayandhisclothesweresmearedwiththefilthandoozeoftheflooronwhichhehadlain,facedownwards.Hiseyeswereclosedandhebreathedwithagruntingnoise.Athinstreamofbloodtrickledfromthecornerofhismouth.

—JamesJoyce,“Grace”

Nowpracticethistechniqueyourself:

1. Bringanimagetoyourmindofsomethingorsomeone.Letthatpersonorthingbestillfirst,andthenmove.Youcangobackandforthbetweenstillnessandmovement,ifyoulike.

2. Collectsensorydetailsfromboththestaticandthemovingimages,andwritethemdown.

3. Selectthedetailsyouwanttouse.

4. Composetheimageinwords.

Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?

ANoteontheProcessofMakingImages

Thesepracticesaredesignedtohelpyoulearnhowtomakeverbalimagesthatwilltransferwhat’sinyourimaginationtotheimaginationofyourreaders.Theyarealsodesignedtohelpyouunderstandthewholestep-by-stepprocessthatgoesonwhenweusethelanguageoftheimagination.TheprocessthatI’veencouragedyoutofollow—makingtheimageinyourmind,collectingdetails,choosingdetails,findingtherightwordsforyourverbalimages—mayseemlaboriousandtooslow.Rememberthatwhatyouaredoinghereispracticing,thewayyoumightpracticethedifferentskillsinvolvedinlearningtorideabicycleortohitabaseball.Eventually,ifyoupracticeenough,theskillswillbecomeautomaticandthewholeprocesswillhappenveryquickly.

Evenprofessionalwritersfalteroccasionally,though.Andifyouunderstandtheprocessofmakingverbalimages—anunderstandingbasedonhavingactuallyfollowedtheprocessmanytimes—thenwhenyoudogetstuck,youcanreturntothestepsandfollowthemtogetyourmindmovingagain.

Pleasedon’tforgetthefirststepoftheprocessinyourquesttofindjusttherightwords.Rememberthattomakepowerfulverbalimagesrequirestwocomplementaryskills:theabilitytomaketheimages(orperhapsIshouldsay,tolettheimagesappear)inyourownmind;andtheabilitytouselanguagetocommunicatethoseimagestoothers.

Awell-stockedimaginationisjustasimportanttoawriterasawell-stockedwordhoard.AndI’vefound,whenIgetstuckcomposingverbalimages,thatencouragingmyimaginationtogivememorepicturesworksbetterthansearchingdesperatelyfortheperfectword.

5.UseComparison

Sofarinourexplorationofimageswe’vebeenexperimentingwithusingconcrete,specificwordstomakeverbalpicturesofpeopleorplacesorthingsorscenesgiventousbythefacultyofimagination.(Thesepicturescanbebasedonobservationorinvention,oracombinationofboth.)We’veconsideredhowdetailedtomakeourpictures,andwhateffectwewantthemtohaveonourreaders.We’vetriedsharpeningourimagesbyaddingmoredetailorchoosingaspecificdetailtofocuson.Allthesetechniqueshelpustransferintowordsacloserepresentationofthepicturesinourmind.

Theverbalimageswecreateinthesewaysarecalledliteralimages.Literalimagesareattemptstoreproduceinwordsanobjectorapersonoranexperienceandtomakethatreproductionasrealisticaspossible.

Butoften,aswemakeimages,wediscoverthatliteralimagesarenotenough.Sometimesinordertocommunicatewhatsomethingis,weneedtowriteaboutwhatitislike.Weneedtocompareittosomethingelse.Listentotheseexamplesandnoticewhathappensinyourmindasyouhearthem.

WhentheveteranMenelaussaw[Paris]stridingtowardshiminfrontofthecrowd,hewasashappyasahungrylionwhenhefindsthegreatcarcassofanantleredstagorawildgoatanddevoursitgreedilyinspiteofalltheeffortsofthesturdyhuntsmenandthenimblehoundstodrivehimoff…

ButwhenroyalParissawthatitwasMenelauswhohadtakenuphischallenge,hisheartfailedhimcompletely,andheslippedbackintothefriendlyranksinterrorforhislife,likeamanwhocomesonasnakeinawoodedravine,recoils,andwithpalecheeksandtremblinglimbsgoesbackthewayhecame.

—TheIliad(trans.E.V.Rieu)

Youprobablynoticed,asyoureadthesepassages,thatyourmindwasfilledwithtwoimagesatthesametime.Thewriterpresentsonething,andtheninorderto

portrayitvividly,hecomparesittosomethingelse.Thehumanbrainseemstobeconstitutedtomakesenseofexperienceby

perceivingandstatingresemblances.Tomakecomparisonsisoneofthewayswelearn:Wetrytounderstandnewthingsbycomparingthemtosomethingwealreadyknow.WeasknotWhatisthis?butWhatisthislike?

Wemakesuchcomparisonsallthetimeinordinaryconversation.Afriendmightaskustodescribeanewacquaintance;wemightrespondwithliteraldetailsofhisheight,haircolor,eyecolor,andsoon,togiveherapicture.Morelikely,though,we’dmakeacomparison:He’slikeRobertRedfordwithdarkhair.Ifourfriendisamovie-goer,shewillimmediately“getthepicture.”

Ourordinaryconversationisshotthroughwithcomparisons:He’scrazylikeafox.Thecatisasdeadasadoornail.Theteamcameonlikegangbusters.Thatgirlisapeach.Thelanguagepartsofourbrainmakecomparisonsquitenaturally.Whenwemakecomparisonsinwords,wearecreatingwhatarecalledfigurativeimages.

Figurativeimagesareabitlikepiecesofchippedrock.Astheyareused,overandover,theirroughedgesbecomemoreandmoresmootheddown,andtheylosetheirdefinitionandtheirparticularidentity.Afterawhile,thepowerthatfigurativeimageshadwhentheywerenewdisappears.Thefirstpersontocompareaprettygirltoapeach,forinstance,madeafigurativeimagethatmighthavestartledhislisteners;butafterthatimagewaspassedonfromonepersontoanother,aroundandaroundamongthesamegroupofpeople,itwouldnolongerhavehadanyimpact.

Wecallsuchworn-outfigurativeimagesclichés,andweusuallyneedtoavoidtheminourwritingbecausetheynolongerhavethepowertoaffectourreaders.Instead,weneedtomakeuseofournaturalabilitytomakecomparisonstocreatefreshimagesthatwillhelpourreaderssee(orhearortasteortouch)whateverwearepicturing.Let’stakealook,then,attheprocessofcreatingfigurativeimages.

MakingFigurativeImagesWemakecomparisonsinlanguageintwoways:bysayingAislikeB(orAisas_______[somequality]asB);orbysayingAisB.Whenweuselikeoraswearemakingafigurativeimageknownassimile.(SimileistheLatinwordforlike.)Whenweleaveoutthelikeoras,wearemakingafigurativeimagecalledmetaphor.(MetaphorcomesfromtheGreekwordfortransfer.)Withmetaphorweuseawordorphraseto“transfer”thequalitiesofonethingtosomethingelsethatdoesnotliterallyhavethosequalities:Inotherwords,wedescribeonethingintermsofanother.Ifwewanttousethesetwotechniquesofsimileandmetaphoreffectively,weneedtounderstandandkeepinmindboththesimilaritiesandthedifferencesinthewaytheywork.

Bothsimileandmetaphormakeacomparison,findapointofresemblance,betweenanAandaB.ThepurposeofthecomparisonistosaysomethingaboutA.SoBhastopresentapictureofsomethingbetterknown,morefamiliar,ormorevividthanA.ThemoreconcreteanddetailedthepictureofB,themorethereaderwillbeabletopictureA.OftenskilledwritersmakethepictureofBanimageofsomethingveryordinary:

Thesoundfaded,solitudesweptbacklikeahugewave…—EvaFiges,Light

Homer,intheexamplesgivenearlier,knewjusthowtopictureMenelaus,theGreekleader,andParis,theTrojan(whohadabductedMenelaus’swife,Helen),totheimaginationsofhisaudienceofshepherdsandsailors.Hecreateddown-to-earthimagesofthingshislistenerswerefamiliarwith—ahungryliontearingthecarcassofagoat,amancominguponasnakeinthewoods.

OtherwritersliketomakeBsomethingmoresurprising:

HecouldhearJonas’voice.Ithadanoddnasaltwangtoit.Heseemedtobedoingmostofthetalking.Christophercouldhearanoccasionalmumble

andgrumblefrom[Jonas’]client,likeadoublebassinterruptingalongsaxophonesolo.

—MichaelGilbert,FlashPoint

Figurativelanguagecancreateevenmorepointedeffects.Listen,forinstance,tothewayDickensgivesusapictureoflawyers(whomhehated):

Here,inalargehouse,formerlyahouseofstate,livesMr.Tulkinghorn[aneminentlawyer].Itisletoffinsetsofchambersnow,andinthoseshrunkenfragmentsofitsgreatness,lawyerslielikemaggotsinnuts.

—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse

Practice:FigurativeImages:Similes

Asimileisadirectcomparisonoftwodifferentthings,usingthewordslikeoras(andsometimesasif,seems,orappears).Here’sapracticeinmakingsimiles:

Bringtoyourimaginationapersonoranobject.Thisisthe“A”ofyourcomparison.NowmakealistofeverythingyoucanthinkofthatAislike.Giveyourimaginationfreerein;writedownallthepossibilitiesthatoccurtoyou,withoutjudgingthem.

Nowlookbackthroughyourlistandmarktheitemsyoulike.Pickoneitemtobeginwith:Thisobjectorpersonisyour“B.”WriteasentencecomparingAtoB,usinglikeoras.RemembertodevelopBintoaclearandpowerfulverbalimage,usingconcrete,specificlanguage.

Makemoresimilesusingotheritemsfromyourlist.

Practice:FigurativeImages:Metaphors

Whenwemakeametaphor,aswhenwemakeasimile,wemakeacomparisonbetweentwounlikethings;weapplyawordorphrasetosomethingtowhichitisnotliterallyapplicable.Withametaphor,though,wedonotuselikeoras.Ratherthansaying,forinstance,Lifeislikeariver,wesay,Lifeisariver(orLife,ariver…).Withoutthelikeoras,thequalitiesofonethingorperson(B)

aretransferreddirectlytotheother(A).Theresultisusuallyamorepowerfulcomparisonthanifwehadmadethesamecomparisonusingasimile.WhenRomeospeaksofJuliet,hesays,“Julietisthesun,”not“Julietislikethesun.”Whenpopsongwriterssingoflove,theysay,“Youaremysunshine,”not“Youarelikemysunshine.”

Herearemoreexamples:

Loveisakindofwarfare.—Ovid,TheArtofLove

Soeverythingwasready.AndjustastheJunesunrosebehindalightcloud,agreatcoinofgold,Johnkissedhiswifeandhischildrengoodbye.

—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThePedlarofSwaffham”

Ourmindsworknaturallyinmetaphor;ourlanguageisfullofwhatarecalled“fossilmetaphors,”suchastheteethofthewind,orthemouthoftheriver.Toplaywithmakingmetaphorsistoplaywithsomeofthemostbasicmaterialoflanguage.Here’sonewaytoplay:

Gobacktoyourlistofsimiles.Rewriteeachoneasametaphor.Whenyoudothisexercise,youwillprobablydiscoverthatsomesimiles

cannotbetransformedintometaphor.Theydon’tmakesenseasmetaphors,ortheysoundsilly.

It’simportanttoremember,whenmakingfigurativeimages,thateventhoughyouwantyourcomparisontograbyourreader’sattention,thecomparisonalsohastomakesense.Tryingtocreateacomparisonbetweentwothingsthathavenothingincommonwon’twork.Inthesameway,ifAorBhasconnotationsthatweakenthecomparison,thefigurativeimagewillsoundsillyandmakeyourreaderslaugh.

Themosteffectivefigurativeimagesareoftenthesimplest;groundedinconcretelanguage,theymakepicturesthatspeakclearlytoareader’s

imagination.Figurativeimageslikethisareespeciallyusefulforpicturingabstractions.

Practice:FigurativeImages:PicturingAbstractions

Makealistofabstractions:beauty,truth,justice,faith,poverty,andsoon.Thenseeifyoucanmakefigurativeimagestoshowsomeaspectofeachabstraction.Youmayfindithelpfultotakeoneatatimeandfreewritealistofeverythingyoucanthinkofthatthisabstractionislike,withoutcensoringanypossibility.Thenchoosetheonesthatseemmosteffective,andmakesimilesormetaphorsforeachone.

Practice:FigurativeImages:MakingChoices

Nowthatyou’veaddedfigurativeimagestoyourtechniquesofmakingverbalimages,youhaveanothersetofchoicestomakeasyouwrite:Inanyparticularpassage,doyouwanttouseliteralorfigurativeimages;and,ifyouchoosefigurativeimages,shouldtheybesimilesormetaphors?Consider,forinstance,thefollowingthreewaysofcommunicatingthesameimaginedpicture:

Themanpeeredintothedarknessandshookhishead.(literalimage)

Themanpeeredintothedarkness,thickasawoolenblanket,andshookhishead.(simile)

Themanpeeredintothedarkness,athickwoolenblanket,andshookhishead.(metaphor)

Thesethreetechniquesarenotalwaysinterchangeable(inthepreviousexample,issimilebetterthanmetaphor?),andtheireffectcanbeverydifferent.Skilledwriters,theirabilitieshonedbylotsofpractice,developaninstinctformakingchoicesbetweenliteralandfigurativeimages.Youwillprobablyneedtodoalot

ofexperimentingwiththetwokindsofimages,aswellasalotofreading,todevelopthatinstinctinyourself.

Here’sonepracticetotry.Gobacktosomeofyourliteralimagesandseewhathappenswhenyourewritethemasfigurativeimages.Nowtakesomefigurativeimagesandrewritethemasliteralimages.Whichdoyouthinkworkbetter?Why?

Practice:FigurativeImages:LearningfromthePros

Readyourfavoritewritersforfigurativeimages(orusetheexamplesabove).Copysomeoftheimagesyoulikeintoyournotebook.Whatmakesthemwork?Seeifyoucanimitatethesetechniques.

TheValueoftheLanguageoftheImaginationThelanguageoftheimaginationisoneofawriter’smostpowerfultoolsforgettingwhatwewanttosayintothemindsofourreaders.Why?Becauseitspeakstotwomentalfacultiesatonce.

Discursivelanguage,whichtalksaboutthings,givesusplainmeaning;itspeaksonlytotheintellect.

Butrepresentationallanguage(whichIhavebeencalling“thelanguageoftheimagination”)speaksbothtotheintellectandtotheimagination.Inotherwords,whenwereadaverbalpicture,ourintellecttakesintheordinarymeaningsofthewords,and,atthesametime,ourimagination(ifithasbeenengaged)makesthepicture.Sowe“get”whatthewriterissayingintwodifferentwaysatonce.

Doesthismeanthatweshouldneverusediscursivelanguage?Ofcoursenot:Ifit’sappropriatetoourparticularpurpose,thenwehavetouseit.(Forinstance,allthesechaptersarewrittenindiscursiveprose.)Bothdiscursivelanguageandthelanguageoftheimaginationaretoolswecanuse;themorefamiliarwearewitheachofthem,thebetterwecanusethem.

BalancingShowingandTelling

Ihopebynowyouareexcitedaboutdevelopingskillinusingyourfacultyofimaginationanditsparticularlanguageofverbalimages.Onceyourskillwiththelanguageofimaginationequalsyourskillwiththelanguageofdiscourse(whetherthatbethelanguageofordinaryspeechoracademic/professionallanguage),thenyoucanchoose,asyouwriteandrevise,whichlanguageyouwanttouseinanygivenpieceofwriting,andinanygivenpassageorsentencewithinaparticularpiece.Howyouchoosewilldependprimarilyontheeffectyouwantyourwordstohaveonyourreaders:Doyouneedtoengageonlytheirintellects,ordoyouwanttoengagebothintellectandimagination?

Ifyouwanttowritefiction,poetry,ormemoir,youmaynowbewonderingwhetheryouneeddiscursivelanguageatall.Inthosegenres,youwillneedtomakeprimaryuseofthelanguageoftheimagination—andyouwillalsodiscoverthatyoucan’tpictureeverything.Therewillbetimeswhenyouneedtogetinformationacrosstoreadersasquicklyaspossible,timeswhenyouneedtosummarizehappenings,timeswhenyouneedtomakeanauthor’scommentonevents.Attimeslikethese,youwillneedthelanguageofdiscourse.

Despitethemantrathatseemstoobsesssomewritingteacherstotheexclusionofcommonsense—Show,don’ttell!—therearetimeswhentellingismoreeffectivethanshowing:Skilledwritersknowhowtodoboth.Throughexperience,andbylearningfromprofessionalwriters,youcandevelopyourinstinctsformakingthechoicewhether,inanyparticularplaceinyourwork,youneedtoshowortotell.

TakeTimetoReflect

Dosomereflectingonwhatyouhavelearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Whatdoyouneedtoworkonnext?

LookingAhead

Inthesefirstlessonswe’veexploredthechoiceswritersneedtomakeaboutthewordstheyuse—theareaofcraftcalleddiction.We’velookedatthepowerwordshavebasedontheirmeanings,theirqualities,andonwhethertheyarechosentotalkaboutthingsortopicturethem.We’veplayedwithoneessentialcomponentofmakingmagicwithwords:choosingtherightones.Nowweturntoanotheressentialelementofword-magic:choosingthemosteffectivewaystocombineourchosenwordsintosentences.Fromnowon,inthisbook,we’llbeexploringthecraftof“gettingthespellright”—andtodothat,weneedtounderstand,first,thepowerwordshavebecauseoftheparticularrolestheyplayinsentences.So,inthenextsection,weexplorepartsofspeech.

Section3

ThePowerofFunction:WhatWordsDo

Ineverymanualonvirtuallyanydisciplinefrommeditationtogolf,stressislaidonthenecessityforregularpractice.Writingisnoexception.

—JohnFairfaxandJohnMoat,TheWaytoWrite

Sofarwe’vebeenlookingathowwecanmakemagicwithlanguagebychoosingindividualwords.Butsinglewordsrarelyfunctionontheirown;mostofthetimetheyworktogether,ingroups—groupsthatgrammarianscallphrasesandclausesandsentences.Tomakemagicwithlanguage,wehavetoknowthemeaningsandqualitiesofindividualwords—andweneedtoknowhowtoputthesewordstogether.Toaccomplishthis,wemustunderstandhowwordsfunctionwhentheyworktogether.Ifwewanttotakeourchosenwordsandmakeeffectivespellswiththem—sentencesandparagraphsthatwillgrabandkeepourreaders’attention—thenwehavetolearn,notjustwhatwordsmean,butwhattheydo.

WhatWordsDo

Ineverysentence,everywordhasacertainkindofworktodo,aparticularroletoplay.Grammariansusethetermpartsofspeechtolabelandclassifythesedifferentroleswordsplay.Ifyouimagineeverysentenceasatinydrama,thenyoucanalsoimagineeverywordastakingaparticularkindofrole—oractor’spart—withinthatdrama.Someofthoserolesaremoreimportanttoasentencethanothers,justastheleadingroleinaplayismoreimportantthanabitpart.Buteveryoneoftheseroles,everypartofspeech,hasitsownparticular

importance.Toputitanotherway,everypartofspeechhasitsownparticularpower;andanyonewhowantstobecomeaskilledwriterneedstoknowhowtomakeuseofthatpower.

Ifyoustudiedgrammarinschool,youmayhavefoundthismaterialboring.That’sbecauseingrammarclasseswe’reusuallytaughtonlytoanalyzesentences,notcomposethem.Buttheusefulnessofanalysisislimited:Wouldanaspiringprofessionalpitcher,forinstance,spendallhistimeanalyzinggamefilmswithouteverthrowingasinglepitch?Herewe'lltakeadifferentapproach:Firstwe'llpracticeusingpartsofspeech,thenwe’llturntothepracticeofphrases,wherewestarttocombinewordsintofunctionalunits.

Abasicunderstandingofhowpartsofspeechandphrasesworkisanessentialtoolforwriters,onethatwillhelpyoudeveloptheskillyouneedtokeepyourreadersspellbound.Remember,though,thatintellectualunderstandingaloneisnotenough;youneedtoputyourunderstandingintopractice.So,Iimploreyou,donotmerelyreadthroughthissection!Dothepractices,ormakeuponesofyourown.Thetimeyouspenddoingthiswillrewardyoufortherestofyourwritinglife.

Chapter8

PartsofSpeech

We’reborntolovegrammar.Wearetaughttohateit.—MaxMorenberg,DoingGrammar

Whentalkingaboutpartsofspeech,grammarianshavetraditionallyplacedwordsintoninecategories:nouns,verbs,adjectives,adverbs,determiners,prepositions,conjunctions,pronouns,andinterjections.(Somecontemporary

grammariansaddothercategories. )Thefirstfourofthesepartsofspeech—nouns,verbs,adjectives,andadverbs—arecalledcontentpartsofspeech,becausetheyconveycontent(meaning)tothemindsofreaders.Thenextthree—determiners,prepositions,andconjunctions—areknownasstructuralpartsofspeech;insteadofconveyingcontentthemselves,theyhelpstructure,ororganize,thecontentwords.Pronounsandinterjectionshavetheirownparticularworktodo.Let’stakealookateachoftheseinturn.

PartsofSpeech1:ContentPartsofSpeech

ContentPartsofSpeech1:NounsWhengrammarianscallawordanoun,theymeanthatitdoesacertainkindofwork:theworkofnaming.Soanounisawordthatnamessomething:aperson,aplace,athing,acondition,astateofbeing,anidea,aquality,andsoon.Thewordssummerandriverarenouns;soarethewordsloveandpeace,RebeccaandVaritek.Englishcontainsmorenounsthananyotherpartofspeech.

1

Somepeoplebelievethat,ofallthepartsofspeech,nounshavethemostpower.That’sbecauseanouncan,allbyitself,makesomethinghappeninareader’smind:Itcanbringaconcepttomind,orcreateapicture.Readthefollowingwordsoneatatimeandnoticewhathappensinyourmind.Lake.Doughnut.Dog.Love.Terror.

Sostrongisthisabilityofnounstoevokemeaningthatwecaneventakethreeorfourofthem,puttheminorder,andtherebysuggestacompletesentence,withoutanyotherpartsofspeech.Considerthis:snow,car,shovel.Orthis:dress,party,admiration.Canyouheartheideainsideeachofthesenot-quitesentences?

ThePowerofNames

Thepowerofnounsisthepowertocallthingsintobeingbynamingthem.AsInotedearlier,youcanseethispowerincreationmythsfrommanycultures,wherethingscomeintobeingbecausesomeonenamesthem.Nouns,morethananyotherpartofspeech,connectwordstotherichnessoftheworld.“Naming,”saysauthorandwritingteacherFrancesMayes,“isoneofthegreatinvolvementsofthewriter,thebondingofwordsasclosetothesubjectas

possible.”Ifwewanttobecomeskilledwriters,weneedtoknowhowtomakeuseof

thepowerofnames.

PracticewithNouns:InternalCollecting

Unpackyourwordhoard,puttingallyourattentionintocollectingonlynouns—wordsthatnamepeople,places,orthings(tangibleorintangible).Asyoudothis,youmaywanttotrybeingawareofwhetherthewordsyouarecollectingaregeneralorspecific,abstractorconcrete;youcan,ifyoulike,collectmanydifferentnamesforthesamethingoridea.Keepyourpenmovingforfiveortenminutes,andseewhathappens.

2

Whenyou’redonewiththispractice,takeamomenttoreflectonpaperaboutwhatyounoticedasyoucollectednouns.Thenreadthroughyourlistandmarkthewordsyouparticularlylike.Lookuptheirmeaningsinthedictionary,ifyouneedto.Thenusesomeofthosewordstoconstructsentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Nowtrythis:Pickanoun,thencollectallthenounsyoucanthinkofthatyouassociatewiththisnoun.Selectsomeofthesenounsandusethemtomakesentences.Whatdoyounoticethistime?

Perhapsindoingthesepracticesyounoticedthatyoudon’tknowthenamesofmanythingsintheworldaroundyou.Manypeopleinmyworkshopshavethatexperience.Mostofus,thesedays,aresadlyoutoftouchwiththephysicalworldthatexistsoutsideourownheads.Thankstothemassmedia,wemayknowthenameofeverysongrecordedbyourfavoritepopsinger,butwedon’tknowthenamesofthestreetswewalkon,orthenamesofthematerialsusedtobuildthehousesliningthosestreets,orthenamesofthedifferentkindsofcloudsabovethem.If,then,weeverwanttocreateapictureofaworldforourreaders,wewillhaveadifficulttimedoingit.

Fortunately,wecaneasilyaddtoourstoreofnouns,justbychoosingtolearnthenamesofthings.Forinstance,Iusedtowanderaroundbeingvaguelyawareoftrees,butIdidn’tknowthenamesofanyofthem.ThenIdecidedtolearntheirnames,withthehelpofafriendandsomeguidebooks.IntheprocessIacquiredmuchmorethansomenewnouns:BecauseIcouldnamethetreesaroundme—That’samaple,that’sanoak—myexperienceoftreeschangedcompletely.Tolearnthenameofastrangermakesherrealtousinanewway.NolongerissheanamelessfacebutJaneO’DonnellorMarthaGreene,aparticularindividual.Inthesameway,treesbecamemorerealtome,morealive,becauseIlearnedtheirnames.Tonamesomethingpreciselyisasteptowardsknowingit.

PracticewithNouns:ExternalCollecting

Ifyouwanttoundertakeasimilarjourneyintolearningthenamesofthings,youcandosoeasily.Fieldguidestoanimals,birds,clouds,rocks,architecture,andmanyothersubjectsarereadilyavailable.Orperhapsyouhaveafriendwhosharesyourinterestinasubjectandcantellyouthenamesofthingsinthatfield.Asyouconversewithyourfriend,orbrowseinafieldguide,everytimeyoucomeacrossanounyoulike,writeitdowninyournotebook,alongwithitsdefinition,andthenuseitinsentencestomakeityourown.

Youcanfindlotsofsimilarwaystoaddnounstoyourwordhoardviaexternalcollecting.Asyouread,collectthenounsyoulike.Asyoulistentopeopletalk(inperson,ontheradio,ontelevision),nameswillcometoyouthatattractyourattention.Ifyouwritethemdownandusethem,theywillbecomeyours.

UnderstandingNouns:KindsofNouns

Nounscanbeclassifiedintofourcategories:commonnouns,propernouns,compoundnouns,andcollectivenouns.Exploringeachcategoryinturncanprovideyouwithmorenamingwordsforyourwordhoard.

1. Commonnouns—sometimescalled“generic”nouns—namepeople,places,things,conditions,ideas,andsoon.Wecanrecognizecommonnounsbecausetheyarenotcapitalized(exceptwhentheycomeatthebeginningofasentence).Dog,lake,earth,attitude,sensitivityareallcommonnouns.Commonnounscanbegeneralorspecific,abstractorconcrete.

2. Propernounsnameaspecificpersonorplaceorthing:notjustanyman,butMr.Satterthwaite;notjustanylake,butLakeChamplain;notjustanykindofsoftdrink,butCoke.Wecanrecognizepropernounseasilybecausetheyarealwayscapitalized,evenwhentheydon’tbeginasentence.

3. Compoundnounsaremadeupoftwoormorenounsthattogethernameonething,person,orplace.Footballgame,rockstar,bookreportare

examplesofcompoundnouns.Somecompoundnounsarehyphenated:movie-goer,attention-grabber.

4. Collectivenounsnamegroupsofthingsorpeopleorplaces.Whenwetalkaboutabunchofflowers,aherdofcows,oracrowdofpeople,thewordsbunch,herd,andcrowdarecollectivenouns.

PracticewithNouns:KindsofNouns

Foreachkindofnouninturn,firstcollectasmanyasyoucan,thengobackthroughyourlistandreadoveryourwords.Noticetheparticularpowereachwordhas.Thenmarktheonesyoulike,andmakethemyourownbyputtingthemintosentences.

1.CollectCommonNouns

Don’ttrytobefancyhere:Anyoldcommonnounswilldo.Ifyou’restuckatfirst,trylookingaroundyouandwritingdownthenamesofeverythingyoucanobserve.Herearesomemoreexamplesofcommonnouns:

desk,foot,stitch,beauty,gathering,rain,loneliness,fate,grief,clown

2.CollectProperNouns

Youcancollectnamesyoualreadyknow,ormakesomeup.Thinkaboutplacesorpeopleyouknow,orthatyou’dliketoknow:Whataretheirnamesortheirnicknames?

3.CollectCompoundNouns

Firstcollectonesyouknow.Thenmakesomeup.Herearesomemoreexamples:

busstop,fratparty,crashpad,skiresort,firefly,storm-bringer,baseball

Sometimesacompoundnounistwonounsjoinedtogether,withoutspaceorpunctuation(rooftop);sometimesacompoundnounistwonouns,separatedbyaspace,thatfunctionasoneword(garbagecollector);sometimesacompound

nounishyphenated(six-pack).Andsometimesotherpartsofspeechcanfindtheirwayintoacompoundnoun(softball,breakfast,merry-go-round).

4.CollectCollectiveNouns

There’sawonderfulbookcalledAnExaltationofLarksbyJamesLipton,thatdescribesthevogueforcollectivenounsintheMiddleAgesandgivesexamples(withpictures).Youmaywanttotakealookatitifyoulikecollectivenouns.

Ifyouwanttoplaywithcollectivenouns,trythefollowinggame.Collectnouns:someconcrete,someabstract;somesingular,someplural.Thenusetheminthecollectivenounconstruction:A(oran)________(singular)of________(plural).

Forexample:

anarroganceofacademicsanabstractofphilosophersacomfortofchairsamonstrosityofmodernpaintings

Letyourwordmindplay;don’tcensorwhatyoucomeupwith.Thisisagreatpracticeforgettingusedtolettingyourwordmindtakeover.

Here’sanexampleofbothcompoundandcollectivenounsfromaprofessionalwriter,thebeginningofKevinCrossley-Holland’sretellingof“ThePiedPiperofHamelin”:

Rats!Therewasaruinofrats.Arat-attack!Aplagueofrats.

PracticewithNouns:MakeSentenceswithNouns

Selectsomenounsfromyourlistsandputthemtogetherintosentences.Experimentwithusingdifferentkindsofnounsinonesentence.Afterwards,readyoursentencesoutloud.Howdothosenounssoundtoyou?

PracticewithNouns:FreewritingwithNouns

Dosomefreewriting,makingcompletesentences,andkeepyourwordmindfocusedonnouns.Afterwardsreadyoursentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?

PracticewithNouns:ReadforNouns

Asyouread,paymostattentiontonouns.Doesyourauthorusealotofnouns?Whatkind?Whatistheeffectofthesenouns?

UnderstandingNouns:TheNoun-BasedStyle

Somewriterschoosetowritesentencescomposedprimarilyofnouns;wecansaythattheirwritingstyleisanoun-basedstyle.Here’sanexamplefromTheCrofterandtheLaird,abookbyJohnMcPheeaboutColonsay,anislandoffthecoastofScotland.Asyouread,takementalnoteofthenounsheuses.

AfterourownvoyagetoColonsay,overgreenandfoamingwatersinawindthatmadetearsrundownourcheeks,thefirstpersonwesawwasDonaldGibbie,standingthereonhispierintheleeofCnocnaFaireMor(BigLookoutHill),inhisWellingtonboots,hisdungarees,hisheavygraypullover,andhisbrown-and-tanknittedcap,withhishandsclaspedbehindhisback,afrownonhisface,andalookoffeltresponsibilityinhiseyes…

Herearemoreexamplesofnoun-basedstyle:

Butsuchwonderfulthingscametumblingoutoftheclosetswhentheywereopened—bitsofmouldypie,sourbottles,Mrs.Jellyby’scaps,letters,tea,forks,oddshoesandbootsofchildren,firewood,wafers,saucepanlids,dampsugarinoddsandendsofpaperbags,footstools,blackleadbrushes,bread,Mrs.Jellyby’sbonnets,bookswithbutterstickingtothebinding,gutteredcandle-endsputoutbybeingturnedupside-downinbrokencandle-sticks,nutshells,headsandtailsofshrimps,dinner-mats,gloves,

coffee-grounds,umbrellas—that[Mr.Jellyby]lookedfrightenedandleftoff[lookinginterested]again.

—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse

Coins,paperclips,ballpointpens,andlittlegirls’pocketbooksarefoundbyworkmenwhentheycleanthesealions’poolattheBronxZoo.

—GayTalese,“NewYorkIsaCityofThingsUnnoticed”

Doyoulikethiskindofwriting?Thentryitforyourself,puttingtoworkyournewfoundunderstandingofnouns.Pickasubjectandcomposesomesentencesonit,concentratingonusingmostlynouns.Ortakeapassagefromsomethingyou’vealreadywritten,andreviseitsothatnounspredominateinmostofthesentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Perhapsyouwillfallinlovewiththepowerofnouns,withtheiramazingabilitytocallthingsintobeinginourminds.Youmaydiscoverthatwhenyouchoosenounsthatareconcreteandspecific—whenyoufindtheexactnameyouneed—youcanofteneliminateunnecessaryadjectives.

ContentPartsofSpeech2:VerbsAverbisawordthatmakesthingshappen.Nounsarethebuildingblocksofsentences,but,usedalone,theyarestatic.Theycanevokepicturesorconceptsinareader’smind,andsotheyhavelotsofpower,butthosepicturescan’tmove.Trysayingthesewordsoutloud,oneatatime,andseewhathappens:snow,justice,crayon.

Nowtrythisexerciseagain,withverbsadded.Noticethedifferenceinthepicturesorideasthatcometoyourmind.

Thesnowfell.

Justicefailed.

Acrayonbroke.

Nowthepicturesandideashavesomemovementtothem.Thewordtakingtheroleofverbineachoftheseexamples—fell,failed,broke—makesthatmovementhappen.

Somewritersbelievenounsaremorepowerfulthanverbs;othersbelievethereverse.(F.ScottFitzgerald,forinstance,said,“Allfineproseisbasedontheverbscarryingthesentences.Theymakesentencesmove.”)Asyouexperimentwiththesetwopartsofspeech,you’llgettomakeyourowndecision.Justrememberthatthesetwopartsofspeechdoverydifferentthings,andeachhasitsownparticularkindofpower.Whenawordtakestheroleofaverb,itspoweristoassertsomethingortoconveyaction,tomakethingshappen.

Someofyoumaybethinking,Butwhataboutverbslikeisorseemed?Theydon’tmakemuchofanythinghappen.

You’reright.Theydon’t.Whenitcomestoconveyingaction,allverbsarenotcreatedequal.Butbeforeweexplorethedifferencesamongverbs,let’splayabitwiththisparticularpartofspeech.

PracticewithVerbs:InternalCollecting

Asyoudidwithnouns,nowcollectanyverbsthatcometoyouasyoukeepyourpenmovingacrossthepage.Useanyformoftheverbthatcomesmosteasilytoyou:going,goes,go,togo,andsoon.(Ifyougetstuck,repeatthesamewordoverandoveruntilyourmindgivesyouanotherone.)

Whatdidyounoticeasyoudidthis?Nowmakesomeoftheseverbsyourownbyusingthemtoconstruct

sentences.Asavariationofthispractice,selectsomenounsfromyournounlistsandsomeverbsfromthelistyoujustmade.Nowplaywiththesebyusingthemtomakeshortsentences.(Addanyotherwordsyouneedtomakecompletesentences,buttrytokeepthesentencesreasonablyshort.)Useanytenseorformoftheverbyoulike.Experimentwithcombiningnounsandverbsthatyouhave

neverbeforeputtogether.Youmight,forinstance,tryputtingabstractnounswithverbsthatevokephysicalaction.(WhenIdidthis,Igotsentenceslike,“Hopehypnotizesus,”and“Solitudestillstheheart.”)

Whathappenedasyoudidthisexercise?Readyoursentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?

UnderstandingVerbs:KindsofVerbs

Nowthatyou’regettingafeelforverbs,let’slookmorecloselyatthispartofspeech.Verbsfallintofourmaincategories,dependingonthekindofactiontheyconvey.

1.Thebeverbs:Thisincludesalltheformsoftheverbtobe.Thisverbconveyslittleaction,andsosomecontemporarywritersonstyleadvisewriterstodoawaywithitaltogether.Butwithoutthisverb,ourwritingwouldbeimpoverished,foritenablesustoexpresstheconditionofthings:Joeissad.Maryislate.Inthehandsofaskilledwriter,thebeverbdirectsourattentiontonounsandadjectives.Forinstance:

TheCreativeisheaven.Itisround,itistheprince,thefather,jade,metal,cold,ice;itisdeepred,agoodhorse,anoldhorse,aleanhorse,awildhorse,treefruit.

—TheIChing(TheBookofChanges)

ThefactisthattheBritishhaveatotallyprivatesenseofdistance.ThisismostvisiblyseeninthesharedpretensethatBritainisalonelyislandinthemiddleofanemptygreensea.

—BillBryson,NotesfromaSmallIsland

2.Thelinkingverbs:Verbsinthiscategory—become,seem,appear,look,grow,remain,feel,andothers—havemoreoomph,moreenergytothemthanthebe

verb,thoughthedegreeofactiontheyconveyisstilllow.Astheirnameimplies,theyservetolinkonethingtoanother:Joeseemssad.Maryappearshappy.Becausetheseverbsdon’thavealotofpowerthemselves,sentencesinwhichtheyappearmustrelyonotherpartsofspeechfortheirenergy.Forexample:

Suddenlytheseagrewangry.Theskygrewdark.—BobBarton,“TheHonestPenny”inTheBearSaysNorth

3.Theintransitiveverbs:Whenwethinkofverbs,mostlikelytheonesthatcometoourmindsfirstwillbetheintransitives:walk,run,skip,talk,andsoon.Verbsinthiscategorydoindeedpossessenergy—lotsofit:Joeyelled.Marylaughed.Thebowlshattered.Intransitiveverbscanberecognizedbytheirdefiningcharacteristic:Theactiontheyconveyiscompleteinitselfandrequiresnootherwords.Whenyouwanttoaddmoreverbstoyourwordhoard,simpleintransitivesareagoodplacetostart.Hereareafewexamples:

Someoftheworld’sforemostdiplomatsswearby[thisbarber’s]scissors,marvelathisspeed,andrelaxcomfortablyunderhisrazor.

—GayTalese,“NewYorkIsaCityofCharacters”

Suddenly,foulweathercameuponthem.Thundercrashed,waveslashed,theraincamedownintorrents.Theshipdroveanddrovethroughheavingseas.

—BobBarton,“TheHonestPenny”inTheBearSaysNorth

4.Thetransitiveverbs:Verbsinthiscategoryalsoconveyaction—somuchso,infact,thattheactionexpressedbyatransitiveverbcanonlybecompletedbyaddinganotherwordorgroupofwordstotheverb.When,inreading,wecometotheendofagroupofwordslikeJohnthreworMarybought,wefeelasenseofincompleteness.WewanttoknowWhatdidJohnthrow?WhatdidMarybuy?

Theactionofeachverbmustbecarriedoverintoanotherwordorgroupofwords(knownasthedirectobject).Forinstance:Johnthrewtheball.Maryboughtanewsweater.Herearemoreexamples:

ImetSymmingtoninthetownlaterintheday.—AgathaChristie,TheMovingFinger

YoungFrostrubbedhishandsinanticipationofwhatwastofollow…Henippedtheman’scheeks,hetweakedhisnose,hedoveintohisleatherbootsandfrozehistoes.

—BobBarton,“Frostbite,”inTheBearSaysNorth

ManyverbsinEnglishcanbeeithertransitiveorintransitive;theseverbshavebothkindsofpower,dependingonhowtheyareused.Forexample:

Susanatequickly.(intransitive)

Susanatethespaghetti.(transitive)

Yourdictionarywilltellyouwhetheragivenverbistransitive,intransitive,orboth.

PracticewithVerbs:TheKindsofVerbs

Toknowthesefourdifferentkindsofverbs—notintellectually,butdeepinyourwriter’sbones—willgiveyoutheabilitytomakeyourwritingmove.Practice,withawareness,willhelpyoudevelopthisability.Herearesomepracticestotry:

1. Takethebeverbandmakesentenceswithit.Whatdoyounoticeaboutthesesentences?

2. Dothesamethingwithlinkingverbs.3. Collectintransitiveverbs.Choosesomeandmakesentenceswiththem.

4. Dothesamethingwithtransitiveverbs.5. Takesometimetoreadyoursentencesoutloudandtonoticehowthey

soundtoyou.6. Writeasentenceusingonekindofverb,thenrewriteitusingadifferent

kind.Readtheversionsoutloudandnoticehowtheysound.Whichdoyouprefer?

7. Takeapassagefromsomethingyou’vewritten,andmarkalltheverbs.Labeleachverbwiththenameofthecategoryitbelongsto.Rewritethepassageusingverbsthatconveymoreaction.

Ifyoudothesepracticesonaregularbasis,youwillquicklygaincommandofthefourkindsofverbs.Then,asyouwriteandrevise,you’llbemoreawareofyouravailablechoices.Withmorepossibilitiestochoosefrom,youwillhaveaneasiertimewritingsentenceswhosepowercomesfromtheirverbs.

Whenyouuseaverb,it’shelpfultoknowwhatcategoryitbelongsto.Tomakeuseofanisoraseemsisnotalwaysbad,assomewritersonstylemaintain.Thequestion—thecrucialquestion—isthis:Whichkindofverbwillbestserveyoursentence?

Perhaps,though,youfindyourselfstrugglingtocomeupwithintransitiveandtransitiveverbs.Herearesomegamestoplaythatwillhelpaddsomeofthesepowerfulverbstoyourwordhoard.

PracticewithVerbs:ThePowerofVerbs

Beginbycollectinganyverbsthatoccurtoyou.Nowreadthroughyourlist,listeningfortheverbsthatseemtoyoutohavethemostpower.Markthoseverbs,andseeifyoucanfigureoutwhatitisthatgivesthemtheirpower.Nowseeifyoucancollectmoreverbsthathavethatkindofpower.Ifyougetstuck,youmaywanttotrysomeexternalcollectingbybrowsingthroughadictionaryorthesaurus.

PracticewithVerbs:“Body”Verbs

Bringyourattentiontoyourbody,asyoufreewritetocollectverbs.Letyourmindrangeoveryourbodyandcollectverbsfromdifferentpartsofitandfromactionsperformedbythoseparts.Trytofeeltheactioninyourbody.Forexample:

arm,knee,kneel,bend,elbow,hand,face,smile,breathe,beat,crush,stamp

Nowbringyourattentiontoyoursenses.Collectverbsthatexpressthingsthesensesdo.

Selectsomeverbsfromyourlistsandusethemtomakesentences.

PracticewithVerbs:VerbswithConcreteNouns

Pickaconcretenoun—athingoraperson.Whataresomethingsitcando?Trytosensetheactionphysically.Collecttheverbsthatexpressthoseactions.Keepbringingyourattentionbacktoyourchosenobjectorpersonoranimal.Keeppicturingit.Whatdoesitdo?Forexample:

cat,howl,yowl,scream,scratch,pad,purr,complain,smile,sneer,snoop,sleep,sit,stare,smell,sniff,rip,nap,walk,run,climb,frighten,hunt,stalk,hover,wait

Nowmakesentences,notnecessarilyaboutyourchosennoun,usingtheseverbs.

PracticewithVerbs:VerbswithAbstractNouns

Bringyourattentiontoyourmind.Collectverbsthatexpressthingsthattheminddoes,withoutgoingthroughthesenses.Forexample:

judge,question,admit,compare,analyze,compute,contrast,adjudicate,believe,indicate,infer,argue

What’sthedifferencebetweenverbsliketheseandtheverbsyoucollectedinthepreviouspractices?Experimentwithmakingsentencesusingsomeofthese

verbs.

PracticewithVerbs:VerbsandEmotions

Bringyourattentiontoyourheartandemotions.Listsomeemotions.Pickone.Collecttheverbsthatgowiththatemotion.Forexample:

love,embrace,kiss,touch,caress,stroke,cuddle,hug

Ifyougetstuck,tryusingathesaurusoradictionary.Then,onceagain,selectsomeoftheseverbsandusetheminsentences.Howdothesesoundtoyou?

PracticewithVerbs:FreePlay

Makealistofnouns(orselectnounsfrompreviouslists).Makealistofverbs.Playwithcombiningnounsandverbsintoshortsentences.Letyourwordmindexperiment:WhatwouldhappenifItriedTHIS?Noonewillbegradingyourexperiments,andifyoudon’tletyourselfmakethem,you’llneverknowwhetheracertaincombinationofnounandverbmightinfactwork.

Allthesegameswillbuildtheflexibilityandinventivenessofyourwordmind.Then,asyouwriteandrevise,youwillbeabletoaskyourself,WhateffectdoIwanttocreateinthissentence?Whatverbwillhelpmedothat?

UnderstandingVerbs:VerbsandTime

Inadditiontoconveyingaction,toonedegreeoranother,themainverbinasentencealsotellsreaderswhenthatactiontakesplace:inthepresent,thepast,orthefuture.

Thewayverbsindicatepresent,past,orfutureiswithtense.Verbsrevealtensebytheparticularformtheytake.Anynativespeakerhasalreadymasteredtheseforms,andknows,withoutthinkingaboutit,thatJoelaughsindicatesanactionthatishappeningnow,inthepresent;thatJoelaughed,withtheadded-ed,indicatesthatJoe’sburstoflaughterhappenedinthepast;andthatJoewilllaughtellsusthatsometimeinthefutureJoewillstartlaughing.

ManyoftheverbsweuseinEnglishfollowthisregularpatternofchangedform.Somedon’t:Theyarecalledirregularverbs.

Thethreetenses—present,past,andfuture—areknownastheprimarytenses.

Theseprimarytensescanoftenbereplacedbyprogressivetenses:

Presentprogressive:Joeislaughing.

Pastprogressive:Joewaslaughing.

Futureprogressive:Joewillbelaughing.

TherealsoexistinEnglishwhatarecalledtheperfecttenses:

Presentperfect:Joehaslaughed.

Pastperfect:Joehadlaughed.

Futureperfect:Joewillhavelaughed.

Wecan,ifweneedto,combinetheprogressiveandperfectformsofaverbtocreatetheprogressiveperfecttenses:

Progressivepresentperfect:Joehasbeenlaughing.

Progressivepastperfect:Joehadbeenlaughing.

Progressivefutureperfect:Joewillhavebeenlaughing.

Anygoodgrammarbookwillhelpyoureviewthetenseofverbs,shouldyouneedtodothat.

UnderstandingVerbs:VerbsandPace

Sinceverbsconveyaction,theymakeacontributiontothepaceofasentence;thatis,tothefeelingofenergyoractivityitconveystoreaders.Onesimplewaytointensifytheenergyofasentenceistorepeatthispartofspeech;thatis,tomakeuseofmorethanonedynamicverb.

UnderstandingVerbs:Verb-BasedStyle

Whenawriterloadshissentenceswithverbs,theresultingpassagecanbesaidtoexhibitaverb-basedstyle.Herearesomeexamples:

Sooneveryfield-mousewassippingandcoughingandchoking,andwipinghiseyesandlaughingandforgettinghehadeverbeencoldinallhislife.

—KennethGrahame,TheWindintheWillows

Howblessedthatwomanwas.Onegirlpoundedflour;anothercutvegetables;anothercooked;andanothercarriedwaterfromthewell.Oneboyploughed;onehunted;onefished;andonehauledsomelogs…

—KevinCrossley-Holland,"ChildrenoftheTree"

Practice:Verb-BasedStyle

Doyoulikethiskindofwriting?Thentryitforyourself,puttingtoworkyournewfoundcollectionofverbs.Pickasubjectandcomposesomesentencesonit,concentratingonusingmostlyverbs.Ortakeapassagefromsomethingyou’vealreadywritten,andreviseitsothatverbspredominateinmostofthesentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

ContentPartsofSpeech3:Adjectives

Grammarianstellusthatwhenawordtakestheroleofanadjective,itsfunctionistomodifyanoun.Inotherwords,anadjectivetellsusmoreaboutthenounit

modifies.Itmakesthenounmorespecificbygivingtoitparticularqualities.That’sthepowerofadjectives.

Adjectiveshelp“dress”nouns.Ifyoulike,youcanimagineanadjectiveassimilartoanactor’spropsorcostume,whichhelphimplayhisrolebetter.Avillain,forinstance,mightbewearingablackcoatandhatandcarryingacanethathidesaknife.Adjectivescanaddtothepowerofanounbymakingitmorespecific.

Listentothedifferenceinthesesentences:

Thedogbarked.

Thelittlebrowndogbarked.

Themancried.

Theoldmancried.

Adjectivesaddinformationtonouns,buttheycanberemovedfromasentence,andthesentencewillstillmakesense.Ifweremovetheadjectivesfromthesecondversionsofthesentenceexamplesabove,westillhavecompletesentences.

PracticewithAdjectives:InternalCollecting

Let’sbeginourexplorationofadjectivesbycollectingsome,aswedidwithnounsandverbs.Keepingyourpenmovingacrossthepage,bringadjectivesoutofyourwordhoard,ignoringotherpartsofspeech.Ifyou’renotsurewhetherawordisanadjectiveornot,putitdownanyway.(Then,later,lookupthewordinyourdictionary.)

Attheendoffiveortenminutes,takeamomenttoreflectonwhatyounoticedasyoudidthis.Thenreadoveryourwords,preferablyoutloud,andmarktheonesyoulike.Whatdoyounoticeaboutthisgroupofwords?

Probablyyouwillfindthatwhenyousayanadjectiveoutloudandnoticewhathappensinyourmind,whatyounoticeisthattheadjectivebringsanounalongwithit.Theadjectivebrightmightbringapictureofthesun;theadjectivehappymightbringapictureofachildatplay.Youaregettingademonstrationofthelinguisticrealitythat,todotheirwork,adjectivesneednouns.

PracticewithAdjectives:AdjectivesandNouns

Takesomeoftheadjectivesyoumarkedinthelastexercise,andputeachoneintoasentence.Noticewhathappensasyoudothis.Readyoursentencesoutloud,and,ifyoulike,reflectonwhatyouarelearningsofar.

ThePowerofAdjectives

Anadjectivedoesn’thavethesamepowerasanoun.Itdoesn’tbringsomeperson,place,orthingintoexistenceinourmindsinthesamewayanoundoes.Nonetheless,adjectiveshavetheirownparticularpower,whichskilledwritersknowhowtouse.

Thepowerofadjectivesisthattheyaddsomethingtonouns,makingthosenounsclearerormorespecificormoreprecise.ThewriterShirleyJacksonhascalledadjectives(alongwithadverbs)“coloringwords.”Jacksontellsapprenticewritersthatcoloringwords“mustbeusedwheretheywilldothemostgood.”Sheremindsusthat“noteveryactionneedsaqualifyingadverb,noteveryobjectneedsaqualifyingadjective.”Remember,shewarnsus:

“Yourreaderprobablyhasaperfectlyserviceablementalpictureofalion;whenalioncomesintoyourstoryyouneednotburdenhimwithadjectivesunlessitisnecessary,forinstance,topointoutthatheisagreenlion,somethingofwhichyourreadermightnothaveaveryvividmental

picture.”3

Jackson’sadviceremindsusthatadjectiveshavetoaddsomethingtothenounstheymodify;theyhavetomakethenounmorevivid,moreprecise,morepowerful.Totellyourreaders,forinstance,thatflowersinagardenwere“pretty”isunnecessary;thewordprettyaddsnothingtothenounflowersbecauseflowersarealmostalwayspretty.Then,too,theadjectiveprettyisageneralone,whichwon’taddmoredetailtoyourreaders’pictureoftheflowers.

Tobeeffective,adjectivesneedtobecarefullychosen.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatwemustrackourbrains(orourthesauruses)forpolysyllables;itmeansthatweneedtounderstandtheeffectwewantouradjectivestohaveandchoosethemaccordingly.

Evenonewell-chosenadjectivecan“color”anoun.TakeasimplesentencelikeThehittertookaswingattheball.Nowreadthefollowingsentencesandnoticetheeffecteachonehas:

Theyounghittertookaswingattheball.

Theoldhittertookaswingattheball.

Thetiredhittertookaswingattheball.

Theeagerhittertookaswingattheball.

Whatdoyounotice?Theeffectofeachsentenceisslightlydifferentbecausetheadjectivebeforehitterisdifferent.Eachadjectiveaddsaslightlydifferentqualityor“color”tothenoun.Itdoesn’tchangethenoun’sbasicmeaning;itaddstoit.(Sometimesadjectivesalsolimit.)

Manypeoplehavebeentaughtthatusingadjectivesinwritingis“wrong”;oftenwritingteachersdeclarethatgoodprosereliesentirelyonnounsandverbs.Suchadviceignorestheveryrealpowerthatadjectivespossess.Whilenounsandverbsprovidetheskeletonofsentences,itisoftentheadjectiveoradverb

that“carriesthenewsofthesentence,”thatmovestheproseforward.Onewriter

onstyleevensays,“Themodifieristheessentialpartofanysentence.” Ifyou’veneverthoughtaboutadjectivesinthisway,youmaywanttodomorepracticesusingthem.

PracticewithAdjectives:Coloring

Writeafewshortsentenceswithoutanyadjectives.Pickonethatyoulike.Nowwriteitoverseveraltimes,addingdifferentadjectivestothesamenoun.Makesurethateachadjectiveyouuseaddssome“news”tothesentence.Readyoursentencesover,outloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Ifyoufindthispracticedifficult,thatmaybebecause,likesomanyofus,youtendtomakeuseonlyofadjectivesthatexpressajudgment:great,awful,fabulous,andsoon—adjectivesthataregeneralandabstract.Touseadjectivestoaddcolortonouns,weneedinsteadtochooseadjectivesthatarespecificandconcrete.

Trycollectingspecificandconcreteadjectives,andthendothe“coloring”practiceagain.

PracticewithAdjectives:ExternalCollecting

Asyouread,noticeadjectivesandadjective-nouncombinationsthatappealtoyou.Collecttheminyournotebookandtrythemoutinsentencesofyourown.

Payspecialattentiontothosesentenceswherethewriterhaschosenanadjectivethatisexactlyrightforitspurpose.Forinstance:

Thequickdarkeyesinthehalf-deadfacewidenedforashockedmoment.—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

“Well,Mr.Bredon,”saidMr.Pym,switchingonanautomaticsmileandswitchingitoffagainwithnervousabruptness,“andhowareyougettingon?”

—DorothySayers,MurderMustAdvertise

4

PracticewithAdjectives:Adjective-NounCombinations

Anotherwaytoincreasethepowerofyouradjectivesistorecognize,andavoid,genericadjective-nouncombinations.Beautifulflowers,restfulsleep,deliciousfood:suchcombinationsaresofamiliarthattheybarelyregisterinourminds.Here’sapracticethatwilltrainyoutolookbeyondthepredictablewhenyouaddadjectivestonouns.

Makealistofnouns.Makealistofadjectives.Gobackthrougheachlistandmarkthewordsyoulike.Thenpairadjectivesandnounsinsentences,lettingyourselfexperimentwithdifferentcombinationsofthesepartsofspeech.Trymakingcombinationsofabstractandconcretenouns,abstractandconcreteadjectives.Later,readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?Whatdoesyoureartellyou?

Adjectivesandadverbsarelikeseasoningsincooking.Herbsandspicescanbringouttheflavorofparticularingredientsandaddcertainqualitiestoadish.Butyouhavetoknowhowtousethem.Apinchofcinnamon,aquarter-teaspoonofcardamom,andyouhavesomethingdelicious.Butaddtoomuch,ortoomanyspices,andyou’llendupwithatastelessmuddle.AsMarkTwainoncewrote,“Whenyoucatchanadjective,killit.No,Idon’tmeanutterly,butkillmostofthem—thentherestwillbevaluable.”

So,howmanyadjectivescanweuseinasinglesentence?Thebestwaytofindoutistoreadskilledwriters,andthentoexperimentonyourown.

Somewritersrelyonlyontheone-adjective-per-nounformula.Butothersknowhowtousemorethanoneadjectivewithasinglenoun,therebygainingmoreofthepowerthispartofspeechhastooffer.Herearesomeexamples:

[Thechurch]wasanoldonewithtwogrimirongatesandalong,low,shapelessstonefront.

—FrankO’Connor,“FirstConfession”

MissClimpsonfeltbracedandready.

—DorothySayers,StrongPoison

“ThatSengupta,Iswear,”Soravawenton.“Whataskinny,scrawny,sniveling,driveling,mingy,stingy,measly,weasellyclerk!”

—SalmanRushdie,HarounandtheSeaofStories

UnderstandingAdjectives:Adjective-BasedStyle

Whenawriterunderstandsthepowerofadjectivesandisaccomplishedintheiruse,heorshemaywritesentencesthatdisplayanadjective-basedstyle.Forexample:

Thecatcher(inbaseball)hasmoreequipmentandmoreattributesthanplayersattheotherpositions.Hemustbelarge,brave,intelligent,alert,stolid,foresighted,resilient,fatherly,quick,efficient,intuitive,andimpregnable.

—RogerAngell,TheNewYorker

Hewasabigmuscularyoungmanwithstrongburningbrowneyes,abigsquarejawandmassivecheekbonesthatmighthavebeensculpturedoutofreddishrock.

—H.E.Bates“TheFabulousMrs.V”

Practice:Adjective-BasedStyle

Playwithwritingsentencesinwhichadjectivespredominate.Readyoursentencesaloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?

ContentPartsofSpeech4:Adverbs

Adverbsdothesameworkforverbsthatadjectivesdofornouns:Theyactasmodifiersor“coloringwords.”Forinstance:

Heategreedily.

Thecatleaptgracefullyontothechair.

Theverbsinasentencepresentaction;theadverbsgiveadditionalinformationaboutthataction:howitwasdone,orwhen,orwhere.Sometimesadverbscandosomeadditionalwork,byservingasmodifiersforadjectivesandotheradverbs.Adverbscan’tmodifynouns.

PracticewithAdverbs:InternalCollecting

Collectsomeadverbs.(Ifyou’renotsurewhethersomeofyourwordsareactuallyadverbs,putthemdownanyway.)Thenchooseafewfromthislist,andputthemintoshortsentences.Trywordsyouweren’tsureabout.Canyouusetheminawaythat“colors”averb?(Oranotheradverb?Oranadjective?)Ifnot,theyaren’tadverbs.Ifyou’restillnotsure,lookupthewordsinadictionary.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?Perhapsyounoticethatmanyofyouradverbsareadjectiveswiththesuffix

-lyattached.Tobuildyourcollectionofadverbs,youmaywanttocollectadjectivesandseehowmanyofthemcanbecomeadverbsthroughtheadditionofthissuffix.

PracticewithAdverbs:ExternalCollecting

Aswiththeotherpartsofspeech,youcanaddmoreadverbstoyourwordhoardsimplybybeingonthelookoutforthemasyouread,andasyoulistentoconversations.Whenyoufindadverbs,oradverb-verbcombinationsyoulike,writetheminyournotebookandmakethemyourownbyusingtheminpracticesentences.

PracticewithAdverbs:VerbsandAdverbs

Skilledwritersdon’trelyexclusivelyonwell-worncombinationsofadverbsandverbs,oradverbsandadjectives.Theirwell-trainedwordmindsenablethemtocomeupwithunusualandtellingcombinations.Forinstance:

LouisaMebbinadoptedaprotectiveelder-sisterattitudetowardsmoney…francsandcentimesclungtoherinstinctivelyundercircumstanceswhichwouldhavedriventhemheadlongfromlesssympathetichands.

—Saki,“Mrs.Packletide’sTiger”

Togetyourownwordmindoutofadverb-verbruts,trycollectingverbs,thencollectingadverbs,andthenplaywithputtingthemtogetherinvariousways.Seewhatyoucancomeupwith.Thencreatesentencesinwhichyouusesomeofthesecombinations.

UnderstandingAdverbs:Adverb-BasedStyle

Whenapassagereliesheavilyonadverbsforitsmeaningandeffect,wecansaythatitexhibitsanadverb-basedstyle:

But,foronce,Nigelwaswildly,abysmallywrong.—NicholasBlake,TheSmilerwiththeKnife

Buttheywere,undoubtedly,there.—RosamundePilcher,“AnEveningtoRemember”

ContentPartsofSpeech5:WhenIsaNounNotaNoun?

NounsasAdjectivesandAdverbs

Asyouexperimentwithcontentpartsofspeech,collectingnounsandverbs,adjectivesandadverbs,youwillsoonnoticethatmanyEnglishwordscanplaymorethanonerole.Nouns,forinstance,cansometimestakeontheroleofadjectives:

Thechillofthenightmadehimshiver.

Thenightchillmadehimshiver.(Nightusedasanadjective,modifyingchill.)

Thelongdaysofsummerwereneverlongenough.

Thelongsummerdayswereneverlongenough.(Summerusedasanadjective,modifyingdays.)

Somenouns(certainlynotall)canalsoplaytheroleofadverb.Forexample:

AfterdinnerSimonewenthome.

Practice:NounsasAdjectivesandAdverbs

Collectsomeconcretenouns.Selectsome,andusethem,asnouns,insentences.Thenseewhetheryoucanrewritethesentencesusingsomeofthenounsasadjectives.Readthetwoversionsofeachsentenceoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Ifyoulikethistechnique,collectexamplesofitsusebyskilledwriters,andthenimitatetheirsentences.Look,too,forexamplesofnounsusedasadverbs,andpracticeusingthem.

NounsasVerbs

Nounscanalsotakeontheroleofverbinsentences.Thewordmoan,forinstance,canbeanoun;itcanalsobeaverb.Thewordscatch,throw,snow,move,dog,table,egg—andhundredsofothernouns—canalsotakeontheroleofverbinsentences.WecanwriteThesnowfellallday,orItsnowedallday.Suchusesofnounsasverbsaresocommonthatwordsthatcanplaybothrolesarenotedasbothnounsandverbsinourdictionaries.Skilledwritersknowhowtomakegooduseoftheversatilityofsuchwords.

Practice:NounsasVerbs

Collectsomenounsthatcanalsobeusedasverbs.(Checkyourdictionarytobesure.)Writepairsofsentencesforeachword,usingitfirstasanoun,thenasaverb.

Trythesamepracticestartingwithcollectingverbs.Whatdoyounotice?

Practice:NounsasVerbs

Asyouread,noticewhenawriterusesanounasaverb.Whatistheeffectofconcretenounsusedasverbs?Abstractnouns?Collectexamplesofsentenceswherenounsareusedeffectivelyasverbs.

ManywordsinEnglishcanalsotakeonnewroleswiththesimpleadditionofasuffix(ending).We’vealreadyseenthatmanyadverbsareadjectiveswithan-lyadded.(Wecouldalsosaythatmanyadjectivesareadverbswiththe-lyendingremoved!)Wecanalsocreateadjectivesbyaddingprefixesorsuffixestonounsandverbs.Manyofourcommonadjectiveswereformedinthisway:beautiful(beauty+ful);happy(happ+y);contemptible(contempt+ible).Inthenextsectionwe’lltakealookatsomeotherwayswecanmakeuseofthisabilityofEnglishwordstoplaymultipleroles.

Beforeyoumovetothatsection,though,Irecommendthatyoumakesureyouhaveasolidgraspofthebasicsofcontentpartsofspeech.Thematerialinthenextsectionismoreadvanced,andifyouhaven’tacquired,throughpractice,agoodunderstandingofthebasics,youmaybeconfusedbywhatfollows.

ContentPartsofSpeech6:WhenIsaVerbNotaVerb?Likeactorsintheirplays,somewordscantakeonmorethanoneroleinsentences;thatis,theycan“play”morethanonepartofspeech.Verbsareparticularlyversatileinthisrespect:Whentheytakecertainspecifiedforms,verbscanplaytherolesofnoun,adjective,oradverb.Tounderstandhowthishappens,weneedtorevisitthemainfunctionsofaverb—toconveytheactionofasentenceandtoindicatetense.Whenaverbisdoingthiswork—astheword

laugheddoesinthesentenceJoelaughedloudly—itissaidtobeinfiniteform.(Sometimesaverbdoingthisworkiscalledapredicateverb.)

Verbs,though,canalsofindtheirwaysintowhatgrammarianscallnonfiniteforms;anditisintheseformsthattheyserve,notasthemainverbofasentence,butasnounsoradjectivesoradverbs.Verbsinthesenonfiniteformsareknownasverbals—constructionsthatwillquicklyexpandyouroptionsformakingsentences.

Whenisaverb,then,notaverb?Whenit’saverbal.Andwhenit’saverbal,it’soneoffourkinds:apresentparticiple;apastparticiple;agerund;aninfinitive.

Verbals1:ThePresentParticiple

Thepresentparticipleisthe-ingformofaverb:swimming,walking,gigglingareallpresentparticiples.Wemostfrequentlyusethepresentparticipleaspartofthemainverbofasentence,asinThedogisbarking.(Whenweuseaformofbewithapresentparticiplewearecreatingthepresentprogressivetenseoftheverb.)

Thatpresentparticiple—thewordendingin-ing—canalsobeusedasanadjective:Thebarkingdogkepthimupallnight.

Ourvocabularyisfilledwithpresentparticiplesactingasadjectives:theflowingwater;thedrivingrain;theshimmeringlight.

PracticewithVerbals:PresentParticiples

Togetfamiliarwithhowpresentparticiplescanbeusedasadjectives,firstcollectsomeverbsintheir-ingform.Andtomakesureyouknowhowtousetheseparticiplesaspartofthemainverbofasentence,trymakingsentenceswiththeparticiplesinthatrole.Thentryusingtheparticiplesasadjectives.Insomecasesyouwillneedtoaddanotherwordortwosotheparticiplecantakethisrole.Forinstance:

Maryisteasingthecat.(teasingaspartofthemainverbofthesentence;isteasing,thepresentprogressivetenseoftheverb,totease)

Alittleteasingwindblewup.(teasingasanadjective)

Verbals2:ThePastParticiple

Thepastparticipleistheformofaverbthatweusetocreatepasttenseforthemainverbinasentence:Joebakedthebreadfortwohours.Therightfielderdroppedtheball.Oftenthatpastparticipleendsin-ed;manytimes,though,itdoesnot.Frozen,gave,spent,wroteareexamplesofpastparticiplesthatdonotendin-ed.Likeitssister,thepresentparticiple,thepastparticiplecanalsotakeontheroleofadjective:thebakedbread;adroppedfootball;boiledeggs;frozenfood.

Joe’sbakedbreadsatonthecounter,givingoffanenticingsmell.

Thepaintedfenceshoneinthesunlight.

PracticewithVerbals:PastParticiples

Collectsomepastparticiples.(Youmayfinditeasiertodothisbywritingsomeshortsentencesinthepasttense,andthenextractingthepastparticiples.)Seehowmanyofthemcanserveasadjectives,andwritesentencesusingtheminthisway.(Notethatnotallpastandpresentparticiplescanbeusedasmodifiers.)

Whatdidyounoticedoingthesepractices?Wereyousurprisedathowmanyfamiliaradjectivesareactuallypresentandpastparticiplestakingontheroleofadjectives?Perhapsyoualsonoticedthatusingparticiplesinthiswayletsyougetmoreinformationintoasentence.Evenmoreimportant,whenwemakeuseofparticiplesandotherverbals,wecangettheenergyofaverb—thatfeelingofaction—intoasentencewithouthavingtoaddextramainverbs.Theabilitytodothisisoneofthemarksofahighlyskilledwriter.Forexample:

Peepingthroughanotherglass-panelleddoor,[MissRossiter]observedMr.Inglebyseatedonarevolvingchairwithhisfeetonthecoldradiator,andtalkingwithgreatanimationtoayoungwomaningreen,perchedonthecornerofthewriting-table.

—DorothySayers,MurderMustAdvertise

JonathanArgylllaycontentedlyonalargeslabofCarraramarble,soakingupthemid-morningsun,smokingacigaretteandconsideringtheinfinitevarietyoflife.

—IainPears,TheBerniniBust

Verbals3:Gerunds

Aspresentparticiples,intheir-ingform,verbscanalsoplaytheroleofnouns.Whentheytakeonthisrole,theyareknownasgerunds.

Swimmingismyfavoritesport.

Ilovereading.

PracticewithVerbals:Gerunds

Gobacktoyourlistofpresentparticiplesandselectsomethatcanserveasnouns.Trythemoutinsentencesinthisrole,addinganyotherwordsyouneed.

Verbals4:Infinitives

Whenaverbisinits“infinitive”form,itstartswith“to.”Inthiscase,thewordtoisnotconsideredapreposition,butapartoftheverb.Whenaverbisinthisform,itcantakeotherroles:

1.asanoun:

Toseeistoknow.

2.asanadjective

Thedogtowatchinthecompetitionisthebrown-and-blackone.

3.asanadverb:

Wewentouttobuyfoodfordinner.

PracticewithVerbals:Infinitives

Collectsomeinfinitives.Trythemoutintheroleofnoun,adjective,andadverb.

PracticewithVerbals:ReadingforVerbals

Thebestwaytolearnhowtouseverbalsistoseehowtheprosdoit.Asyoureadyourfavoritewriters,noticetheverbalstheyuse.Writedownsomeoftheirsentencescontainingverbals,andthenimitatetheiruseofpastandpresentparticiples,gerunds,andinfinitives.

PracticewithVerbals:WritingwithVerbals

Dosomefreewritingand,asyoucomeupwiththingstosay,tryatthesametimetoconcentrateyourwordmindonusingverbals.Youmayfeel,atfirst,veryawkward.Justrememberhowyoufeltwhenyoufirsttriedtoswingatennisracketorabaseballbattohitaball,orhowyoufeltwhenyougotonabicycleforthefirsttime.Keepdoingthispractice,andtheonesabove,andeventuallyverbalswillbeyourstousewheneveryouwish.

Youmayalsowanttorevisepassagesofyourwriting,seeingwhereyoucanuseverbalstomakeyoursentencesstronger.Don’tforgettotesttheresultsbyreadingyourworkoutloudandlisteningtohowitsounds.

Theabilitytouseverbalswell,you’llfind,willvastlyexpandyouroptionsforconstructingsentences.Thoughitmaytakeyouawhiletofeelcomfortablewiththem,onceyouhaveaddedthisparticulartooltoyourrepertoire,Isuspectyou’llbedelightedwithwhatitcandoforyourwriting.

AWordAboutPronounsApronounisawordthatsubstitutes—or“standsin”—foranoun,likeanunderstudysubstitutingforaprincipalactor.WhichpronounwouldyouusetosubstituteforTheboy?Thegirl?Thedogs?Pronounsallowus,amongotherthings,toavoidhavingtorepeatanounoverandover.Insodoing,theygiveustheopportunitytodirectourreader’sattentiontootherinformationinasentence.

Mostlikely,ifyouareanativeEnglishspeaker,youhaveabsorbedallyouneedtoknowaboutusingpronounsfromlisteningtootherpeopletalkandfromyourreading.If,however,yougetconfusedaboutwhetheryoushouldwritemeorI,orsheorher,inagivensentence,Irecommendthatyouspendsometimereviewinghowpronounsworkwiththehelpofagoodgrammarbook.

AWordAboutInterjections

Wow!Farout!Awesome!Noway!

Grammarianscallwordsliketheseinterjections.Mygrammarbooksaysinterjectionisthenameforwordsthat“appearintrusivelyinasentenceandcarrysomeforceorchargeoffeeling.”Weuseinterjectionsallthetimewhenwespeakinformally,andtheycanalsobeusedinwriting,especiallywhenweareputtingwordsintothemouthsofourcharacters.

ContentPartsofSpeech7:DevelopingYourOwnStyleSomewritersonstyledeploreadjectivesandadverbs:Avoidthem!theyproclaim.Otherstellusnevertouseformsoftheverbtobe.Thereareevenafewwhocondemnnouns.Ratherthanlisteningtoanyofthesevoices,considerthisalternativewayofusingpartsofspeech:Rememberthateverycontentpartofspeechhasitsownparticularpower,andthat,ifyoupractice,youcanlearntousethatpowerforyourownpurposes.Youcantrainyourwordmindtobeaware

ofthepossibilitiesofnounsandverbs,adjectivesandadverbs.Andyoucantrainittomakechoicesamongthesecontentpartsofspeech.Thechoicesyoumakewillhelpcreateyourownindividualvoiceonthepage,yourownwritingstyle.

Forstyleisnotamatterofdictionalone.Whiletheparticularwordswechooseare,naturally,essentialtothemakingofoursentences,thechoiceswemakeabouthowtoputthosewordstogetherisequallyimportant.Dowewant,forinstance,towrite:Hewalkedquickly?OrHewalkedwithaquickstep?OrHisstepquickened?OrevenHewalkedwithaquicknessthatamazedher?

Skilledwritersknowhowtolistennotonlytothemeaningoftheirwords,butalsotowhatthosewordsaredoinginsentences.Inthemomentofcomposition,themindofaskilledwriterconsiderspossibilitiesandmakeschoicesamongthem,justas,atthecrackofthebat,themindofaskilledoutfielderconsiderspossibleroutestotheballandchoosesamongthem.(Instinct,aswellastraining,playsapartinthisprocess.Andwritershaveanadvantageoverathletes:Wegettoreviseourwork.)Theoutfielderreliesonyearsoftraining,onthousandsofcatchesmadeinpractice,tomakethechoicethatenableshimtocatchtheball.Writers,too,needtopracticetheir“moves.”Ifwewanttodevelopskillinputtingwordstogether,thenweneedtopracticepayingattentiontowhatourwordsaredoinginsentences,aswellastowhattheymean.

Practicewithcontentpartsofspeechwillwakeupapartofyourwordmindthatmayhavebeenasleepallyourlife.Andthen,whenyousitdowntowriteastory,apoem,oranessay,you’llfindyouhavenewfluencyinconstructingsentences.You’llbeamazed,Isuspect,atthethingsyouwillbeabletodowithwords,atthenewtechniquesyouhaveforfindingjusttherightwordsandforputtingthosewordstogether.

Noonecanwritewellwithouttechnique,justasnoonecanplaymusicwithoutwhatmusicianscall“chops.”Technique,craft,skill—callitwhatyoulike;youmusthaveittokeepyourreader’sattention.Partsofspeechareoneof

awriter’smostimportanttools.Andtheonlywaytomakethesetoolsyourownistopracticeusingthem.

Inthenextsection,weturnfromcontentpartsofspeechtostructuralwords.

PartsofSpeech2:StructuralWords

Alongwiththefourcontentpartsofspeech(andthepronounsandinterjections)wehaveconsideredsofar,Englishalsocontainsanotheressentialgroupofwords.Traditionally,grammarianshaveconsideredtheseaspartsofspeech;todaytheyaremorelikelytocallthemstructuralwordsorfunctionwords.Thesearethesmall—andindispensable—wordsthatletusmakeconnectionsamongcontentpartsofspeech:determiners,prepositions,andconjunctions.Englishcontainsabouttwohundredofthesewords,themostfrequentlyusedwordsinourlanguage.

Thoughthesewordsaresmallandunobtrusive—whonoticesanorthe,inoron?—theyplayessentialrolesinourlanguage:Mostimportant,theyjoincontentwordsintogroupstomakesentences.Whilewecanusestructuralwordswithoutthinkingaboutthem,understandingwhattheydotakesusonestepfurthertowardsunderstandinghowtocomposesentences.

StructuralWords1:Determiners

Determinersarethewordsthatindicatetoreadersthatanouniscomingupsooninthesentence.(Theyarealsoknownasindicators.)DeterminersinEnglishinclude:the,an,a(alsoknownasarticles);wordsliketheseandthose(whenusedbeforenouns);andnumbersusedbeforenouns.Determinersare,toreaders,whathighwaysignsaretodrivers:Lookout!adeterminertellsreaders,Nounahead!

Youcanseehowdeterminersworkinsentenceslikethese:

Thegirlboughtadress.

Thepackagewasheavy.

Oneboystayedbehindwiththathorse.

Determinersalwayscomebeforethenoun.It’simportanttonotethatnounsaresometimesnotprecededbyadeterminer,asinthesesentences:

Ifsnowfalls,we’llhavetostayindoors.

Bringfoodwithyouwhenyouvisit.

Justasasignforanupcomingexitcanbeaquarterofamileormorefromtheexititself,socanthedeterminerbeseparatedfromtheupcomingnounbyoneormoreotherwords.Readthesesentencesslowly,preferablyoutloud,andseeifyoucanhear,aswellassee,thedistancefromthedeterminertoitsnoun.

Theblondegirlboughtanewgreendress.

Onewide-eyedeagerboystayedbehindwiththatlarge,shaggy,entrancinghorse.

Mrs.Jennings,LadyMiddleton’smother,wasagood-humoured,merry,fat,elderlywoman,whotalkedagreatdeal,seemedveryhappyandrathervulgar.

—JaneAusten,SenseandSensibility

Whenweaddadeterminertoanoun,ortoanounplusoneormoreadjectives,wecreatewhat’scalledanounphrase.Anounphrase,grammarianstellus,isagroupofwordsthat“goestogether”andthatisheadedbyanoun.

PracticewithDeterminers:MakingNounPhrases

Experimentwithputtingnounstogetherwithdeterminers,thenaddsomeadjectivesbetweenthetwo.Readyourexperimentsoutloud.Howdotheysound?Tryputtingsomeofthemintosentencesandreadthoseoutloud.Whatdoesyoureartellyou?

PracticewithDeterminers:ReadingforNounPhrases

Tocontinuedevelopingyourawarenessofnounphrases,lookfortheminsentencesbyyourfavoritewriters.Ifyouwish,copyoneoftheirsentencesandthenimitatethestructureofthenounphrasesinit,usingexactlythesamenumberofadjectivesbetweendeterminerandnounasthewriterdid.

StructuralWords2:PrepositionsOf.At.To.With.In.ThesearesomeofthemanywordsinEnglishthatareknownasprepositions.Prepositionsarewordsthatshowarelationshipbetweentwoormorethingsand/orpeopleinasentence.Theylinkthenoun,nounphrase,orpronounthatfollowstheprepositiontoanotherwordinthesentence,indicatingsuchrelationshipsaslocation(Thecatisonthetable.)anddirection(Themenstrolledacrosstheroom.)andtime(I'llseeyouafterthegame.).NativeEnglishspeakerscanusemostprepositionswithoutthinkingaboutthem.

Whataresomeprepositionsyou’refamiliarwith?Takeaminutetojotthemdown.

HerearesomeofthemostcommonprepositionsinEnglish:

about,across,after,against,along,among,around,as,at,below,before,behind,beneath,beside,between,beyond,by,down,during,except,for,

from,in,inside,into,like,near,of,off,on,onto,out,outside,over,past,since,through,toward,under,until,up,with,without

Exceptinrareinstances,prepositionsneverstandaloneinasentence;theyalwaysfunctionaspartofagroupofwords,knownasaprepositionalphrase.Wemakeprepositionalphraseslikethis:

preposition+noun(withorwithoutadeterminer)orpronoun=prepositionalphrase

Herearesomeexamplesofprepositionalphrases:

indarkness,ofhome,aroundthetown,atthebeach,inthedays,ofwinter,onthestreet,withkindness

Prepositionalphrasessometimesincludeanadjective(ortwo)beforethenoun.Forexample:

inthehotsoup,onthewoodentable,withaplasticspoon

Prepositionalphrasescanalsocombinetomakelongerphrases:inthedarkdays/ofwinter.(Theslashmarkindicatesthetwoprepositionalphrasesthatmakeupthelongerone.)

PracticewithPrepositions:MakingPrepositionalPhrases

Collectsomenounsandsomeprepositions,andthencombinethemintoprepositionalphrases.Readyourphrasesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Thenrewriteyourphrasesaddingsomeadjectives.Whatdoyounoticenow,whenyoureadthesealoud?

Likenounphrases,prepositionalphrasesareanessentialwriter’stool.Takesometimetobuildyourfacilityinmakingthem.Onceyoufeelcomfortable

constructingprepositionalphrases,selectsomeandputthemintosentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyouhear?

PracticewithPrepositions:ReadingforPrepositionalPhrases

Asyoudidwithotherpartsofspeech,readyourfavoriteauthorsandnoticetheprepositionalphrasestheyuse.Copysomeofthesesentences,andimitatethewayyourchosenwriterusesprepositionalphrases.Someexamples:

Hedrummedhisfingersontheleatherofthesteering-wheel,toyedwiththeradio-cassette,easedhisheadbackontothepaddedheadrest.

—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses

Wecameonthewindofthecarnival.—JoanneHarris,Chocolat

StructuralWords3:ConjunctionsConjunctionsareaversatilepartofspeech:Theyhaveseveralimportantrolestoplay.Overall,though,theirfunctionistojoinoneelementofasentencetoanotherelement.Fornow,let’spayattentiononlytohowconjunctionscanjoincontentpartsofspeech.Theconjunctionsweusemostfrequentlytoperformthistaskareonesweuseallthetime:andandbut.Forexample:

SusieandBrianwenttotheparty.(Theconjunctionandjoinstwonouns.)

Susiegiggledandlaughed.(Theconjunctionandjoinstwoverbs.)

Susie’shatwassoftandfluffy.(Theconjunctionandjoinstwoadjectives.)

Briandrovefastbutsafely.(Theconjunctionbutjoinstwoadverbs.)

Notethatwhenweuseconjunctionsinthiswaytheymustjointwopartsofspeechofthesamekind.Sowecanusetheseconjunctionstojoinanounandanoun,oranadjectiveandanadjective,butnotanounandaverb,oranadjectiveandanadverb.(Andandbutareknownascoordinatingconjunctions;thisparticularcategoryofconjunctionalsoincludesor,nor,yet,andso,butnotallofthesecanjointwopartsofspeech.)

Note,too,thatwhenwecombinetwo(ormore)nounsinthisway,wearecreatinganounphrase.Twoormoreverbsjoinedwithaconjunctionmakeaverbphrase.Andwecanmakeadjectivephrasesandadverbphrasesinthesameway.

Sometimeswritersusepairsofconjunctionstojointwopartsofspeech;and/or;either/or;neither/nor;notonly…butalso:

Joewilleateithertheapplesortheoranges.

Joewilleatneithertheapplesnortheoranges.

Joeatenotonlytheapplesbutalsotheoranges.

PracticewithConjunctions:CombinePartsofSpeech

Collectsomenouns.Then,usingandorbut,combineselectednounsintonounphrases.Thenusesomeofthesenounphrasesinsentences.Readthesesentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Trythesamethingwithverbs,adjectives,andadverbsinturn.

PracticewithConjunctions:ReadforConjunctions

Whenyoulookatthewritingofprofessionals,youwillfindlotsofconjunctions.Fornow,payattentiononlytohowconjunctionsjointwonounsortwoverbs(includingverbals),twoadjectivesortwoadverbs.Here’sIanRankinagain:

Shehadarealinspector’seyes:theyworkedintoyourconscience,sniffingoutguiltandguileanddrive,seekinggive.

—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses

Ispentalongdaywanderingaimlesslyandhappilyalongresidentialstreetsandshoppingstreets,eavesdroppingonconversationsatbusstopsandstreetcorners,lookingwithinterestinthewindowsofgreengrocersandbutchersandfishmongers,readingfly-postersandplanningapplications,quietlyabsorbing.

—BillBryson,NotesfromaSmallIsland

ThenMowglipickedoutashadyplace,andlaydownandsleptwhilethebuffaloesgrazedroundhim.

—RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook

Althoughstructuralwordsaresmall,andalthoughtheymayseemunimportant,theyprovidewriterswithamostusefultool:theabilitytocreatephrases.Inthenextchapterwe’llexplorethecraftofmakingandusingphrases.

TakeTimetoReflect

Whathaveyoulearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Doyouneedtoreviewanytechniquesbeforemovingon?

PartsofSpeech:AReviewWhenwesayaword“is”acertainpartofspeech—forinstance,“Thewordhomeisanoun”—wearenotmakingastatementaboutthenatureofthatword;weareexplainingwhatitdoesina

sentence.Partsofspeecharebestthoughtofaslabelsforthekindofworkaword(oragroupofwords)isdoinginasentence.It’simportanttorememberthisconcept,becauseoneofthethingsskilledwritersknowaboutEnglishwordsisthattheycanfrequentlydodifferentkindsofwork.Forexample:Ilovemyhome(homeasanoun);Ialwaysrootforthehometeam(homeasanadjective);Afterthegamewewenthome(homeasanadverb).Skilledwritershavetrainedtheirmindstoconsider,notonlythemeaningandqualitiesofwords,buttheworktheydo.Themoreyoupracticeusingwordsindifferentroles(withinthelimitsofsense,ofcourse),themoreflexibleandinventiveyourwordmindwillbecome.

ContentPartsofSpeechNoun:Anounnamesthings—people,places,otherlivingbeings,objects,ideas,emotions,etc.Verb:Averbidentifiestheconditionofanoun,ortellswhatactionanounperforms.Verbscantaketwoforms:finiteverbs(alsoknownaspredicateverbs),whichhavetense,andwhichserveasthemainverbofasentence,andnonfiniteverbs,whichdonot.Nonfiniteverbsarealsoknownasverbals.Adjective:Anadjectivemodifies(givesmoreinformationaboutorlimits)anoun.Adverb:Anadverbmodifiesaverb(and,sometimes,anadjectiveoranotheradverb).

StructuralPartsofSpeechDeterminer:Adeterminersignalsanoun.Whenanounisprecededbyadeterminer,thetwowordscreateanounphrasethat,initsentirety,worksasanouninitssentence.Preposition:Aprepositionjoinswithanounorpronoun(knownastheobjectofthepreposition)toformaprepositionalphrase.

Prepositionalphrasesserveasadjectivesandadverbs.Conjunction:Aconjunction’sworkisjoiningelementsofasentence(singlewords,phrases,andclauses).Therearetwomainkindsofconjunction:coordinating(and,but,for,or,nor,yet,so)andsubordinating(seeChapter12).Acoordinatingconjunctionmustalwaysjoinelementsofthesamekind;forinstance,noun+nounorverb+verb.Whenacoordinatingconjunctionjoinstwosuchwords,theresultisaphraseservingasasinglepartofspeech.

OtherPartsofSpeechPronoun:Apronounsubstitutesforanoun.Interjection:Aninterjectionisawordorphrasestructurallyunrelatedtoasentence,servingtoexpressemotionortomakeanexclamation.

1 …addothercategories.Somewritersongrammarnowconsiderthatthereareonlyeightpartsofspeech—theyconsiderdeterminerstobeakindofadjective—whileothersidentifytwelvepartsofspeech.SeeR.L.Trask,ThePenguinDictionaryofEnglishGrammar.

2 …asclosetothesubjectaspossible.FrancesMayes,TheDiscoveryofPoetry:AFieldGuidetoReadingandWritingPoems(Harcourt,2001),p.28.

3 …veryvividmentalpicture.ShirleyJackson,ComeAlongwithMe(Viking,1968),p.239.

4 …theessentialpartofanysentence.JohnErskine,“TheCraftofWriting,”quotedbyFrancisChristensenandBonniejeanChristenseninANewRhetoric(Harper&Row,1976),p.7.

Chapter9

MakingPhrases

Whenyouwrite,youmakeapointnotbysubtracting,asthoughyouhadsharpenedapencil,butbyadding.

—JohnErskine

OneofthemostimportantcharacteristicsoftheEnglishlanguageisthewaywegroupwordstogetherandpauseslightlyattheboundariesbetweengroups.InhisexcellentbookTheMovementofEnglishProse,ProfessorIanGordoncallsthisgroupingprocess“segmentation”;heshowsit’sbeenpartofourlanguagesinceitsearliestdays,spokenandwrittenbytheAnglo-Saxons.Thesegroupings—whatI’vebeenreferringtoasphrases—arenotrandom:word-groupsarecreatedandpausesaremadeinordertocreatemeaning.So,whileweneedtoknowhowtochooseindividualwords,ifwewanttoexcelaswriters,wealsoneedtoknowhowtoconstructandemployphrases—notthestockphrasesofordinaryspeech(“niceday!”),butphrasepatterns.

Tomakeuseofthistool,weneedtounderstandmoreclearlywhatphrasesareandhowtheywork.

WhatIsaPhrase?

Makingphrases,groupingwordstogetheraswespeak,comesnaturallytous:Ourdailyconversationsarethickwithstockphraseslike“noway!”or“toobad!”Butthekindofphrasewritersneedtoknowaboutisdifferent:It’snotagroupofspecificwords—it’sastructuralunitofspokenandwrittenlanguage.

Whenyoulistentosomeonespeak,oryoureadtheirsentences,aphraseisasmallgroupofwordsthatyourbrainprocessesasasingleunitofmeaning.Aphraseisanygroupofwordsthatmakessensetogether,agroupofwordsthatformsacoherentunit.

Sofarwe’velookedatthreekindsofphraseswecanmakeuseof:nounphrases,liketheblackcat;prepositionalphrases,likeinthemorning;andcompoundphrases(phrasesusingcoordinatingconjunctions),likeblackandwhite.Ifyoureadphrasesliketheseoutloudandtrypausingbeforeyougettotheendofeachgroup,youwillnoticethatyourminddemandsthelastword.Tryit:theblack…(“Theblackwhat?”asksthemind.)Orinthe…(“Inthewhat?”themindwantstoknow.)Thoseincompletephrasesmakenosense,andthemindwantswordstomakesense.

Nowtryreadingeachphraseinitsentiretyandnoticewhathappensinyourmind.Theblackcat.(“Okay,”themindsays,“thosewordsmakesensetogether.”)Inthemorning.Blackandwhite.

Phrases—alongwithsinglewords—arethebuildingblocksofsentences.Considerasentencelikethis:Inthemorningtheblackcatranaway.Asweread(orlistento)thissentence,ourbrainsautomaticallysearchforgroupingsofwords,forwordsthat“makesense”together.SoweinstantlyprocessInthemorningasonegroup,theblackcatasanothergroup,andranawayasathirdgroup.

Ourabilitytoputwordstogetherlikethis,tohearwordsingroups,enablesustoquicklymakesenseofspeechorwrittensentences.Ifwehadtoconsciouslyaddeverywordtotheonethatfollowsit,eventhesimplestutterancewouldtakesomuchtimetoprocessthatwewouldeasilybecomelostorconfused.

Sogroupingwordstogetherintophrasesisoneofthenaturalabilitiesofthelanguagepartofourbrain.Skilledwriters(whoarealwaysexperiencedreaders)knowthis,andeitherthroughintuitionortrainingtheymakedeliberateuseof

phraseswhentheywrite.Wecanfollowtheirexample.Todothis,weneedtotuneourwriter’seartophrases.

PracticewithPhrases:TuneYourEartoPhrases

Althoughyoumayfeelthatyou’vealreadyspentquitealotoftimeonphrases,Iencourageyoutogobacktoyourlistsofphrases(fromthepreviouschapter)andreadsomeofthoseoutloud.Listentothewaysthewords“gotogether.”Experimentwithreadingaphraseandstoppingbeforetheend.Whatdoyounotice?Trytostartgettinga“feel”forthestructureofphrases.

PracticewithPhrases:FreewritewithPhrases

Pickasubjecttowriteabout,orjustbeginwritingwithoutanythingparticularinmind.Asyouwrite,keepyourwordmindfocusedonusingnounphrases,prepositionalphrases,andphrasesusingandorbut.Afterwardsreadoverwhatyou’vewritten,outloud,payingparticularattentiontothephrases.Whatdoyounotice?

PracticewithPhrases:ReadforPhrases

Takeapassagefromtheworkofawriteryoulikeandreaditoutloud,slowly,noticingthephrases.(Youwillprobablyfindotherkindsofphrasesthantheonesyouhavelearnedsofar;justtakenoteoftheseandsetthemaside,fornow.)Imitatethewriter’suseofnounphrases,prepositionalphrases,andphraseswithconjunctions.

PhrasesasPatternsOneofthethingsyoumaynoticeindoingthesepracticesisthat,whileeveryphraseyoucomeupwithmakesuseofdifferentwords,certainphrasesdoresemblecertainotherphrases.Theblackcat,forexample,resemblesthehappyboy.Inthemorningresemblesonthetable.That’sbecause,whenweputwordstogetherintophrases,wearefollowingcertainpatternsthatarecharacteristicof

theEnglishlanguage.So,ratherthanseeingphrasesasgroupsofparticularwords(asinstockphrases),wecanseethatphrasesarestructuralpatterns.

Theblackcatandthehappyboymakeuseofdifferentwords(exceptforthe),buttheyshareastructure:determiner+adjective+noun.Inthemorningandonthetablealsoshareastructure:preposition+determiner+noun.

It’sbecausethesephrasepatternsaresofamiliartousthatwecanslidedifferentwordsintoeachslotofthepatternwithouteventhinkingaboutwhatwearedoing.Butbringingthesestructuralpatternsintoconsciousawarenessprovidesuswithanotherextremelyimportanttoolforwriting.Whenweareawareofthedifferentphrasepatternsavailabletous,wehavemorechoicesforcomposingsentences.Wedon’thavetowriteusingonlythosepatternsweknowwell;wecanaddnewonestoourrepertoire.We’llbedoingjustthatinupcomingchapters.

PracticewithPhrases:SomeBasicPhrasePatterns

Takethefollowingtwobasicphrasepatternsandplaywiththem.Howmanyphrasesusingthepatterndeterminer+adjective+nouncanyoucomeupwith?Howmanyphrasescanyouinventusingthepatternpreposition+determiner+noun?Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

Nowtrycombiningoneormoreofyourphrasesfromthefirstgroupwithoneormoreofyourphrasesfromyoursecondgroup?Whatdoyounotice?

Oneofthethingsyouwillprobablynoticeisthatyouhavecreatedsentencebeginnings.Ifyoulike,goaheadandcompletethesentences.

Nowtrymakingsomephrasesusingandorbutbetweentwoormorecontentwords.Thenusethesephrasestoconstructsentences.

PhrasesasContentPartsofSpeechInordertomakeskillfuluseofphrases,thereareseveralimportantthingsweneedtoremember.First:Aphraseisagroupofwordsthatmakessensetogetherandfunctionsasaunit.Second:Phrasesarecomposedusingestablishedpatterns

ofcontentandstructuralpartsofspeech.Third:Phrases,likesinglewords,functioninsentencesascontentpartsofspeech.

Thisthirdcharacteristicofphrasesisthemostimportantforwriters:Thepowerofphrasesresidesintheirabilitytoactasnounsandverbs,adjectivesandadverbs.Whenweknow(notintellectually,butpractically)howtousephrases,wecancomposesentencesnotjustwithindividualwords,butwithsinglewordsandgroupsofwords.Therealmofpossibilitiesopentousthenislimitless;knowinghowtomakeuseofphrasesisoneofthesecretstobecomingaskilledwriter.

Solet’sreviewsomeofthebasicwaysinwhichwell-trainedwritersusephrasesascontentpartsofspeech.

MakingNounPhrases

Anounphrasetakestheroleofanouninsentences.Thephraseactsasasingleunitandworksasasinglepartofspeech.IfwewriteBoysaresilly,thewordboysisactingasanoun.IfwewriteTheboysaresilly,thephrasetheboysactsasanoun.Herearesomebasicwaystomakenounphrases:

1.Theeasiestwaytomakeanounphraseistousethispattern:

determiner+noun=nounphrase.

2.Anounphrasecanalsoincludeadjectives:

thepurpleflowers

adark,coldday

thelonganddesertedroad

thebrightcloudlesssky

Here’sthepatternweusetomakethisverycommonnounphrase:

determiner+adjective(s)+noun=nounphrase

3.Sometimesawriterwillcreateanounphrasebycombininganounwithadjectives,withoutadeterminer:

Brightyellowflowersfilledthegarden.

Suchnounphrasesaremadeaccordingtothispattern:

adjective(s)+noun=nounphrase

4.Wecanalsocreatenounphrasesbyaddingnounstogetherusingtheconjunctionand:

Boysandgirls,comeouttoplay!

Thepatternsforthiskindofnounphraseare:

Noun+conjunction+noun=nounphrase

Determiner+noun+conjunction+determiner+noun=nounphrase

5.Anounphrasecanalsobemadebycombiningapossessivenounorpronounwithanothernoun:John’sdogorMary’sbluesweater.Here’sthepattern:

Possessivenoun(orpronoun)(+adjective)+noun=nounphrase

6.Nounphrasescanalsobeconstructedfromagerund(apresentparticipleactingasanoun)andfromaninfinitive(the“to”formofaverb)byaddingmore

words.Thereareanumberofpatternsforusingtheseverbals.Herethepatternis:gerund+prepositionalphrase=nounphrase:

Goingtolawschoolisherdream.

Herethepatternis:infinitive+prepositionalphrase=nounphrase:

Togotolawschoolisherdream.

Themostimportantthingtorememberaboutnounphrasesisthattheyactjustlikenouns:Theycanplayanyroleinasentencethatanouncan.

PracticewithPhrases:PlayingwithNounPhrases

Herearesome“games”toplaywithnounphrases:

1. Usenounphrases:Collectasmanynounphrasesasyoucan.Selectfromyourlistsomephrasesyoulike,andusethemtoconstructsentences.Rememberthatnounphrasescantakeanyroleinasentencethatanouncan—trythemascomplementsordirectobjectsorindirectobjects.(Ifyoudon'tknowwhatthesetermsmean,you’llfindoutinthenextchapter.)

2. Substitutenounphrases:Writesomesimplesentencesusingonlynouns,ornounsprecededbydeterminers.Nowrewritethesesentences,substitutinglongernounphrasesforeachnoun.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?

3. Freewritewithnounphrases:Dosomefreewritingandkeepyourwordmindfocusedonusingnounphrases.Whathappens?

4. Readfornounphrases:Whenyouread,noticehowthewritermakesuseofnounphrases,thenimitatethosesentences.Herearesomeexamples:

Hehadfadedblueeyes,athinmelancholynose,andavaguebutcourteousmanner.

—AgathaChristie,TheSecretofChimneys

ThemodernOrpheusdoesn’thavetobetornapartbyharpies.Theirplacehasbeentakenbythefanslyinginwaitatclubentrancesandexits,thejournalistsandphotographers,theautographseekers,theprofessionalandamateurPeepingToms,thehostsof“friendsandrelatives”demandingfinancialassistanceandfavors,theblackmailers,psychopaths,andschemers.”

—WislawaSzymborska,“BlowingYourOwnHorn”

MakingVerbPhrases

Averbphraseisagroupofwordsthat“gotogether”andthat,together,takeontheroleofaverbinasentence.Verbphrasescanbeconstructedaccordingtoseveraldifferentpatterns.Herearethreeofthem:

1.Addtwoormorefiniteverbstogether:Jenniferskippedandhoppeddownthestreet.Skippedandhoppedisaverbphrase.

verb+conjunction+verb=verbphrase

2.Addafiniteverbandanadverb:Jenniferskippedhappilydownthestreet.Skippedhappilyisaverbphrase.

verb+adverb=verbphrase

3.Addauxiliaryverbstothemainverb.(Auxiliaryverbsarealsoknownas“helperverbs.”Ifyou’renotsurehowtheywork,consultyourgrammarbook.)Auxiliaryverbsprovideuswithmorethanonewayofconveyingaparticularaction.Forinstance,wemightwriteJohnwalksdownthehall,orJohniswalkingdownthehall.Ifwedecidetouseiswalkinginsteadofwalks,wehavecreatedaverbphrase—twowordsactingasoneunit.

auxiliaryverb+mainverb=verbphrase

PracticewithPhrases:PlaywithVerbPhrases

1. Combineverbsusingand:Collectsomeverbs.Choosesomeyoulikeandcombinethemintoverbphrasesusingtheconjunctionand.Nowputtheseverbphrasesintosentences.Whatdoyounotice?

2. Combineaverbandoneormoreadverbs:Makealistofverbs.Makealistofadverbs.Combineoneverbwithoneormoreadverbs.Nowputtheseverbphrasesintosentences.

3. Useauxiliaryverbs:Writesomesentencesinwhichyouuseonlysingle-wordverbs.Nowtryaddingauxiliary(helper)verbstomakeverbphrases.Whatdoyounotice?

4. Readforverbphrases,andnotewhichpatternthewriterisusing,thenimitatehissentence.Forexample:

Therewasnobodythere,noranytraceofanybody,butIshutteredandboltedallthewindows…—JohnBuchan,TheThirty-NineSteps

MakingAdjectiveandAdverbPhrases

Wecanalsomakephrasesthattakeontherolesofadjectivesoradverbsinsentences.Herearethreebasicwaystodothis:

1.Wecancombinetwoadjectives,ortwoadverbs,usingtheconjunctionand.(Wecan’tcombineanadjectiveandanadverb,though.)Forexample:

Thedaywasbrightandsunny.

Joeranquicklyandeasilydownthestreet.

Herearethepatternsweuse:

adjective+and+adjective=adjectivephrase

adverb+and+adverb=adverbphrase

2.Wecanmakeuseofprepositionalphrasesintheroleofadjectiveoradverb,givingusanotherimportanttoolforaddinginformationtonounsandverbs.Forinstance:

Themaninthebluehatstoodup.(inthebluehatisaprepositionalphraseservingasanadjective.)

Joeranquicklyandeasilydownthestreet.(Downthestreetisaprepositionalphraseservingasanadverb.)

Typicalpatternsforusingprepositionalphrasesasmodifiersare:

noun+prepositionalphraseusedasadjective

verb+prepositionalphraseusedasadverb

3.Wecanuseverbals—presentandpastparticiples,andinfinitives—asadjectivesandadverbs.Forexample:

Theteddybear,forgottenintherush,layinaheaponthefloor.(Forgottenintherushisaparticipialphraseservingasanadjective,modifyingthenounteddybear.)

Thepatternforusingparticipialphrasesasadjectivesis:

presentorpastparticiple+prepositionalphrase=participialphrase

Here'sanexampleofusinganinfinitiveasamodifier:

Tomreachedouthishandtotouchherface.(Totouchherfaceisaninfinitivephraseservingasanadverb,modifyingtheverbreached.)

Inthiscase,thepatternis:

infinitive+nounornounphraseorpronoun=infinitivephrase

Theuseofverbalsasadjectivesandadverbsisanextremelyusefultechnique,butit’salsoalittletricky.YoumayneedtoreviewtheinformationonverbalsinChapter8.

PracticewithPhrases:PlaywithAdjectiveandAdverbPhrases

1. Constructphrasesmadeupofadjectives(oradverbs)joinedbyand.2. Constructprepositionalphrasesyoucanusetomodifynounsorverbs.

Selectsomeoftheseadjectiveoradverbphrasesandusethemtomakesentences.Readthesentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

3. Constructparticipialphrases,usingpresentorpastparticiplesorinfinitives,accordingtothepatternsabove.

4. Readsomesentencesbyyourfavoritewriteroutloud.Noticehowhemakesuseofadjectiveandadverbphrases,andimitatethosesentences.Herearesomeexamples:

Thesunblazedinthebat’seyes,sothateverythinglookedblurredandgolden.

—RandallJarrell,TheBat-Poet

Thetaxivanishedintotheblacktunnelofthemainsoukwithajarringofgearsandanotheryellofitshorn.

—MaryStewart,TheGabrielHounds

Heretherewasaconsiderablecolonyofhouseboats—boatsancientandmodern,brightanddrab,bargesandlandingcraftandconvertedlifeboats—allhuddledtogetherintattyconfusionandallapproachedacrossthesaltingbyanoldandricketywoodenfootbridge.

—AndrewGarve,TheCuckooLineAffair

ComposingwithPhrases

Ifmakingandusingphrasesisnewtoyou,taketimetobecomecomfortablewithdoingitbeforeyoucontinue.Whileit’seasytounderstandthismaterialintellectually,ifyoudon’tgiveyourselftheopportunitytograspitfullybydoingthepractices(many,manytimes!),thetechniqueswon’tbeavailabletoyouwhenyousitdowntoawork-in-progress.

Onceyou’vemasteredphrasemaking,youwillhavemorefreedomofchoiceasyouwrite.Doyouwanttowriteacertainsentenceusingonlysinglecontentwords?Orwouldyouratherreplacesomeofthosecontentwordswithphrases?Listen,forinstance,tothesedifferentwaysofconstructingonesentence:

Mr.Forbesisevil.(propernoun+verb+adjective)

Mr.Forbesisanevilman(propernoun+verb+nounphrase)

Mr.Forbesisevilineveryway.(Propernoun+verb+adjective+prepositionalphraseservingasadverb.)

Mr.Forbesisamanofevilheart.(Propernoun+verb+nounphrasethatincludesaprepositionalphraseservingasanadjective.)

Theseexamplesillustratethreepossiblewaystoreplaceasinglecontentpartofspeechwithoneormorephrases:

1. Replaceonewordwithaphrase.Inthesecondexampleabove,theadjectiveevilbecomesanounphrase,anevilman.Theadjectivecouldalsobereplacedwithanadjectivephrase,suchasevilandscary.

2. Addoneormorephrasestoasinglecontentword.Intheexampleabove,evilbecomesevilineveryway.

3. Embedaphrasewithinanotherphrase:amanofevilheartisanounphrasethathasaprepositionalphraseembeddedwithinit.

PracticewithPhrases:SubstitutePhrases

Beginwithashortsentence.Thenexperimentwitheachoftheabovewaysofusingphrasesinsteadofsinglecontentpartsofspeech.Howmanywayscanyoufindtosaythesamething?

Asyoupracticemakingphrases,twothingswilleventuallyhappen.First,youwillfindthatwhenyouwriteorrevise,yourwordmindwillnowprovideyouwithmoreoptionsforputtingwordstogether.ItwillsaytoyouthingslikeRemembertotrynounphrases.OrWhataboutaddinganotherverbhere?And,second,youwillbegintomakecertainkindsofchoicesconsistently,becauseyoulikethem,becausetheyfeelrighttoyou,becausetheysoundgoodtoyourear.Inthisway,youwillcontinuetodevelopyourownwritingstyle.

AndsoIencourageyoutotrydifferentwaysofnaming,showingaction,andaddinginformationtonounsandverbs.Themoreyouplay,themoreyouarepracticingthecraftofcreatingsentences.Andthemoreyoupractice,thesooneryouwillgettotheplacewhere,asyouwrite,phraseswillcomeeasilytoyourmind.

Herearesomemorewaystopracticeusingphrases:

PracticewithPhrases:FreePlaywithPhrases

Collectsomecontentwords.Collectsomestructuralwords.Selectsomeofeachandmakephrases.Addsomeofthesephrasestogethertomakelongerphrases.Usesomeofthesephrasestomakesentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

PracticewithPhrases:ReviewKindsofPhrases

Repeattheabovepractice,butthistime,onceyouhavecollectedwords,giveyourselfsomespecifickindofphrasetocompose.Forinstance,youmightsay,“I’mgoingtomakesomenounphrases,usingthepatterndeterminer+adjective+noun,”or“I’mgoingtomakeverbphrasesusingthepatternverb+and+verb.”

PracticewithPhrases:FreePlaywithPhrases

Inseparatelists,collectsomenounphrases,someadjectivephrases,someverbphrases,andsomeadverbphrases.Fromeachlistselectonephraseandputthesetogetherintoasentence.Forexample,fromyournounlistyoumightselectaphraselikeTheboy.Fromyourlistofadjectivephrasesyoumightselectaphraselikeinthebluejacket(aprepositionalphraseactingasanadjective).Fromyourlistofverbphrasesyoumightselectaphraselikelaughsandsings.Putthemtogetherandyougetthis:Theboyinthebluejacketlaughsandsings.Yoursentencesdon’thavetomakesense.Payattentiontothefunctionofeachphrase;thatis,totheroleitisplayinginthesentence:noun,adjective,verb,adverb.

Asyoudothesepractices,keepyourwriter’searopen.Listentoyourwordsandphrases.Listentowhathappenswhentheyareselectedandcombined:tothephrasepatterns,totheirshapesandrhythms.Listentothemeaningthewordsmake,andtotheirmusic.Noticewhenyoucomeupwithacombinationofwordsyoulikeandtrytoidentifywhythesewordsworkwelltogether.

PracticewithPhrases:ReviseforPhrases

Takeapassagefromyourownworkandexaminehowyouusephrases.Arethereanywaysinwhichyoucouldreplacesinglewordswithphrases,oraddphrasestoyoursentencestomakethemclearerormorepowerful?

PracticewithPhrases:ReadforPhrases

Mostofall,learnfromtheprofessionals.Whenyouarereadingawriteryoulike,slowdownasyouread.Letyourear,notjustyourmind,beinvolvedinyourreadingandlistentothiswriter’sphrases.Readoutloudthesentencesyoulike.Seeifyoucantakethemapart,phrasebyphrase,andidentifythekindsofphrasesbeingused.Then,onceyouhaveidentifiedthephrasestructureofasentence,usethatstructuretowriteyourownsentences.

Herearesomeexamplesyoumightliketoimitate:

Asilvercloudofpigeonsswirledandsettled.—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

Hishandswerelargeandverylong,withstainedfingers,butheusedthemwithsimplicityandgrandeur.

—MaryNorton,“Mr.Sequeira”

Inaholeinthegroundtherelivedahobbit.Notanasty,dirty,wethole,filledwiththeendsofwormsandanoozysmell,noryetadry,bare,sandyholewithnothinginittositdownonortoeat:itwasahobbit-hole,andthatmeanscomfort.

—J.R.R.Tolkien,TheHobbit

Itmaybethatyoufindthathearingandmakingphrasescomesnaturallytoyou.That’sagoodthing:ItmeansthatyouarenaturallyattunedtothisprimarycharacteristicoftheEnglishlanguage.Butifyoucan’tquitegetagriponphrases,don’tdespair.Remembertoslowdownasyoureadforphrases,andas

youcomposethem.Readoutloud—putsomebreathintothosewords—andreallylistentohowthephrasesunfold.

PhrasesCreateNaturalPausesWhenyoureadaloud,payingattentiontophrases,you’llnoticethatyou’remakingtinypausesbetweenphrases;thatis,betweenthegroupsofwordsthat“gotogether.”Thesepausesinfactdelineatethephrases.Muchofthetimewritersusepunctuationmarkstoindicatethesepauses.Forinstance:

Ourpresident,JoeHarris,couldnotattendthemeeting.

Thecommaafterthewordpresidenttellsreaderstopausehere;sodoesthecommaafterthewordHarris.ThesecommasmakecertainthatwereadOurpresidentasonephraseandJoeHarrisasanotherphrase.Doingsomeanswewon’tmistakenlyrunthewordstogether.

Sometimeswritersfeelthatreaderswillunderstandhowtophrasethewordswithouttheguidanceofpunctuationmarks.Forinstance:

Bymorningthesnowwasfallingheavily.

Readerscantellthatbymorningisaphrasewithouttheneedofacommaaftermorning.

PracticewithPhrases:PhrasesandPunctuation

Readoutloudapassagefromafavoritewriter,payingparticularattentiontopausesasdirectedbythepunctuationmarks.Noticewhichpunctuationmarkisbeingusedineachcase,andseeifyoucanfigureoutwhythewriterusedit.Thenseeifyoucanimitatethephrasestructureofthesentence,includingexactlythesamepunctuationmarks.

PhraseLengthAsyoucontinuetotrainyourwordmindincomposingphrases,you’llsoonbeabletomakechoicesabouthowmanyphrasesyouwanttohaveinasentence,andhowlongyouwantyourphrasestobe.Doyouwantyoursentencestobefullofphraseslikeinthelong-lived,lingering,mist-filledandeloquentevening?Ordoesyourpreferencerunmoretophraseslikethemistyevening?Yourchoiceswillplayapartindeterminingyourstyle.

PracticewithPhrases:PhraseLength

Readsentencesoutloudfromtheworkofdifferentwritersandlistentothephrases.Howmanyphrasesdoeseachsentencecontain?Arethephraseslongorshort?Simpleorcomplex?Tryimitatingsomeofthesesentencestogetafeelforeachwriter’suseofphrases.

ThePowerofPhrasesOnceyou’vedevelopedyourskillwithphrases,you’llhaveatyourdisposaloneofthemostimportanttoolsawritercanpossess.

First,makinguseofphraseshelpsuscommunicate.ItproduceswritingthatisconsistentwiththefundamentalnatureoftheEnglishlanguage.ThebrainsofEnglishspeakersareconditionedtoexpectphrases;whenawriterprovidesthem,hemakesiteasierforreaderstoprocesshissentences.Thepausescreatedbyphrasesgiveourreaders’brainsthechancetotakeinonegroupofwordsandmakesenseofitbeforemovingontothenextword-group.Phrasesencourageourreaderstoslowdownastheymovethroughoursentences,sotheyaremorelikelytotakeinourmeaningandtofullyexperiencetheeffectsofthewordswe’vechosen.

Second,makinguseofphrasesenablesustowritemoreeasily,andinamorenaturalway.Whenwecomposesentenceswithanawarenessofphrases,

we’remorelikelytoslowdownandtobeabletothinkmoreclearlyaboutwhatwewanttosay.Atthesametime,becausemakingphrasesisnaturaltoEnglishspeakers,wewillprobablyfinditeasiertoputsentencestogetherwhenwecomposephrasebyphrase.

Third,makinguseofphrasesgivesusmanydifferentwaystosaythesamething.Withsomanymorechoicesavailabletous,wecanvarythewaythatwebuildoursentences.Variationinphraselengthandstructurewillpleaseourreadersandhelptokeeptheirattention.Andthechoiceswemakecontributetoownindividualstyle,orvoice,onthepage.

Usingphrasesalsogiveslifetoourwriting.Phrasesenableourwritingtobreathe,andtomoveinnaturalandgracefulways.Theygiverhythmtooursentencesandmakethemmorepleasurabletoread;theyhelpoursentencessing.Makinguseofphrasesisoneofthetechniquesthathelpsourwriting“flow.”

Finally,skillfuluseofphrasesenablesustocreatepowerfuleffectswithourwords,tomakethingshappeninourreaders.Wecan,forinstance,usethestaccatorhythmofshortphrasestocreateasenseoftension,orthemorerelaxedrhythmoflongerphrasestocreateasenseofease.

FromPhrasetoSentenceToread,inEnglish,isalwaystoengageinaprocessofaddition:Ourmindsprocesssentencesonebitatatime,addingawordorgroupofwordstotheonesthatcamebeforeit.IfwearenativeEnglishspeakers,orwell-trainedinEnglishasaforeignlanguage,wewillengageinthisprocessofadditionwithoutthinkingaboutit.Andaswetakeinapieceofwriting,bitbybit,twothingsarehappening:Wearetryingtounderstandwhatthewriterissaying,andwearebeingaffected(ifthewriterisskillful)bywords.

Ifwewanttocreatesentencesthatwillworkmagiconreaders,weneedtoknowhowtochoosetherightwordsandphrases.Wealsoneedtoknowhowtoorderthosewordsandword-groupswithanawarenessoftheprocessofaddition

ourreaderswillgothrough.Whetherincompositionorinrevision,weneedtomastertheskillsofmakingsentences.Inthenextchaptersweturntothoseskills.

TakeTimetoReflectDosomereflectingonwhatyouhavelearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Arethereanypracticesyouwanttodoregularly?

Section4

ThePowerofSyntax:OrderingWords

Iwishourcleveryoungpoetswouldremembermyhomelydefinitionsofproseandpoetry,thatis,prose—wordsintheirbestorder;poetry—thebestwordsin

theirbestorder.—SamuelTaylorColeridge

Nomatterwhatkindofwordsyouchoosewhenyouwrite—abstractorconcrete,discursiveorrepresentational—ifyouwanttomakemagicwiththem,youneedtoknowhowtoarrangethemintoeffectivesentences.Whilefindingtherightwordsforourpurposeiscrucial,it’sonlywhenwegetthosewordsintotherightorderthattheycancreatethespellsweintend.“Open,Sesame!”makesthedoortothetreasure-cavecreakopen;“Sesame,open!”maynothavethesameeffect.Magiccanhappenonlywhenwehaveputtherightwordsinto“theirbestorder.”Andjustasknowinghowwordsworkenablesustomakechoicesindiction,knowinghowsentencesworkempowersustoconstructexactlythekindofsentencethatweneedatanygivenmomentinourwriting.Sonow,onourlearningjourney,weentertheterritoryofsyntax,thecraftoforderingwordsintosentences.

We’llbeginwithwhatI’mcalling“thebasicsentence,”astructurethatissimpleinconstructionyetrichinpossibleuses.ThebasicEnglishsentenceisabeautifulthing.Eveninitssimplestform,itcancommunicate;and,elaboratedbythemindofamaster,itiscapableofinfinitevarietyandeffectsbothsubtleandprofound.Ifyouhavenevergivenmuchthoughttohowbasicsentenceswork,youmaybesurprisedathoweasytheyaretoconstruct.

Afterweplaywiththebasicsentence,we’llturnourattentiontoelaboratingandextendingthem.Ifyouhaveneverconsciouslytriedtoelaborateorextendabasicsentence,youwill—Ihope—beamazedathowmanypossibilitiesexistandhowmuchfunyoucanhavefoolingaroundwiththem.Youcanexpandyourrepertoireofsentenceconstructiontechniquesveryquickly,andonceyouhavedevelopedafeelfortheavailabletechniques,you’llbeabletochoosetheonesyouwant.Withoutthisunderstandingofhowsentenceswork,yourwritingwillbedoomedtoplodalonginthesameoldruts.Withit,though,you’llbeabletodojustaboutanythingyouwanttodoonthepage,developingyourownindividualstyleandvoice.

Awordofcaution:There’sagreatdealofmaterialhere,sodon’texpecttomasteritallatonce.You’llprobablyfindithelpfultogoslowly,soyoudon’tfeeloverwhelmed,andtospendtimewitheachgroupofpracticesbeforemovingon.Rememberthatanintellectualknowledgeofhowsentencesworkwillnot,byitself,helpyoubecomeabetterwriter.You’vegottodiginandactuallymakethosepracticesentences,overandover,beforewhatyouhavelearnedbecomesapartofyou.Andso(onceagain!)Iurgeyoutodevoteyourselftothesepracticesandtomakethemanongoingpartofyourwritinglife.

Chapter10

MakingSpells:TheMagicofSentences

ThusIgotintomybonestheessentialstructureoftheordinaryBritishsentence—whichisanoblething.—WinstonChurchill

Inarrivingatsentences,wehavecometotheheartofthecraftofwriting,totheplacewherewritingdiffersfromordinaryconversation.Intherushofdailylifeweoftentalkinphrases.Ifyourspouseasks,Where’smybook?youcanreply,Onthetable,andyourmeaningwillbeclear.Butwhilesuchfragmentshavetheirplaceinspeech,andeveninsomeinformalwriting,theydon’tallowustomakecompletestatements.Andmakingcompletestatementsiswhatsentenceexpertiseisallabout.

So,oncewe’velearnedhowtochoosewordsandcombinethemintophrases,wenowhavetomasterthechoicesavailabletousforgatheringthosewordsandphrasesintosentences.Ifyoustudiedgrammarinschool,youmaythinksentencesareboring.Butthetruthisfardifferent:Sentencesarethekeytomakingmagicwithwriting.Sentenceshelpusmakeourmeaningclear,and—evenmoreimportant—theygiveustoolstocommandtheattentionofourreadersandtoshapetheirexperiencesastheyreadourwork.Writerswhohavemasteredawiderangeofsentencestructurescanchoosejusttherightonefortheirpurpose,whetheritbetoratchetup(ordown)thesuspense,tomakereaderslaugh,tosurprisethem,tomakethemcry,andmuchmore.Masteryofsentencestructuresgivesusawholerepertoireoftechniqueswecanusetocreatetheeffectswewantinsideourreaders.

Inexperiencedorunskilledwritersoftendon’tevenknowtherearechoicestomakeincomposingsentences.Sowebeginourexplorationofsentencesbylookingatsomeofourchoices.

KindsofSentences

Whatdosentencesdo,anyway?Asentencecandooneoffourthings:

1. Makeastatement:Thesmallboyrandownthestreet,orJohnwon’tbeatschooltodaybecauseheisill.Sentenceslikethesearecalleddeclarativesentences.

2. Askaquestion:Areyoucomingtothegame?Whoscoredthefinalrun?Sentencesthataskquestionsarecalledinterrogativesentences.

3. Makeacommand:Tellmethetruth!orDon’ttouchthatpackage.Suchsentencesarecalledimperativesentences.

4. Makeanexclamation:Howhotitistoday!orWhatdeliciouscookiesyoumake!Sentenceslikethesearecalledexclamatorysentences.

Youdon’tneedtorememberthegrammaticalnamesforeachkindofsentence,butyourabilitytomakesentenceswillimproveifyourememberthatyouhavethesefourkindsofsentencesavailabletoyouwhenyouwrite.Youcandomorethansimplyputdownonedeclarativesentenceafteranother.Professionalwritersmakeuseofthefourkindsofsentences:statement,question,command,exclamation.Inthefollowingexample,fromLewisCarroll’sAlice’sAdventuresinWonderland,noticewhateachsentenceisdoing.

“…Iwonder[saidAlicetoherself]ifI’vebeenchangedinthenight?Letmethink:wasIthesamewhenIgotupthismorning?IalmostthinkIcanrememberfeelingalittledifferent.ButifI’mnotthesame,thenextquestionis,WhointheworldamI?Ah,that’sthegreatpuzzle!”Andshe

beganthinkingoverallthechildrensheknewthatwereofthesameageasherself,toseeifshecouldhavebeenchangedforanyofthem.

Practice:FourKindsofSentences

Experimentwithmakingdifferentkindsofsentences.Thenwriteapassageusingonlydeclarativesentences.Rewritesubstitutingotherkindsofsentencesforsomeofthedeclarativeones.Readthetwoversionsoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

TheWonderfulWorldofDeclarativeSentences

Nowthatyouhaveafeelforthedifferentkindsofsentencesavailabletoyou,let’sturntoinvestigatingthetypeofsentencewritersusemostfrequently:thedeclarativesentence.Whythisone?Becausemostofthetime,whenwewrite,wearetellingourreadersthings,anditisthedeclarativesentencethatallowsustodothat.ThedeclarativesentenceletsustellthemTherewasablackshadowuponthemoon,orBeckettstruckoutteninarowlastnight,orJaneworeadressofgreensilkandasinglestrandofpearls.Fromnowon,anytimeIusetheword“sentence,”Imean“declarativesentence.”

Andnow…let’splaywithmakingsentences!

Practice:MakeSentences

Writeaveryshortnounphrase.Writeaveryshortverbphrasethatmakessensewithyournounphrase.Combinethetwo.Dothisafewtimes,justtogetthefeelofit.

Andnow(drumroll…):Whathaveyoujustcreated?Sentences!Makingasentence,then,involvesaddingtogethertwoormorephrases(or,

occasionally,twosinglewordsorasinglewordandaphrase).Rememberthatwecreatedphrasesoutofsinglewordsaddedtogether;nowwe’remakingsentencesusingthatsameprincipleofaddition.

Butwecan’tusejustanykindofphrasetomakesentences,forsentencesinEnglishareconstructedaccordingtoacertainbasicpattern:

noun(ornounphrase)+verb(orverbphrase)=sentence

TheBasicSentencePatternNoticethatinmakingsentencesinthelastpracticeyouaddedtwophrasestogether.Noticethatoneofthetwoisanounphraseandthatoneofthemisaverbphrasethatcontainsafiniteverb.Andnoticethatwhenyouputthemtogether,thenounphrasecomesfirst.

Icallyourattentiontothesethingsbecause,ifyouareanativeEnglishspeaker,composingsentencesinthiswayprobablycomessonaturallytoyouthatyoumaynotbeawareofwhatyouaredoing.Youmayneverhaverealizedthat,whenyouwrite,speak,andreadsentences,youareputtingwordstogetheraccordingtoaparticularpattern,onethathasbeenpartoftheEnglishlanguagesinceitsbeginnings.Here’sthepatternagain:

nounphrase(orsinglenoun)+verbphrase(orsingleverb)=sentence

Youmaybemorefamiliarwithseeingthepatternexpressedinthesewords:

subject+predicate=sentence

Andhere’stheamazingthing:AlldeclarativesentencesinEnglishareconstructedaccordingtothisbasicsentencepattern,oroneofitsvariations.

Justthinkaboutthisforamoment:EverydeclarativesentenceinEnglishisbuiltuponthisonebasicpattern(anditsvariations,whichwe’llgettoshortly).Justonesinglebasicpatternforpoetryandprose,fictionandnonfiction,professionalwritersandamateurs.Onesinglebasicpatternforbest-sellingauthorsandbeginners,forShakespeareandStephenKing,BenjaminFranklin

andWilliamFaulkner.Becauseweknowthispattern,saysoneexpertonlanguage,wecan“comprehendliterallymillionsofspokenorwrittensentenceswehaveneverheardorseenbefore—simplesentencesandcomplicatedones,

factandfiction,proseandpoetry.” Becauseweknowthispattern,wecanwritesentencesthatwilldazzleanddelightourreaders,thatwillinformandentertainandmovethem.

Soifwewanttowritewell,oneofourmostimportanttoolsisasolidgraspofthebasicsentencepattern.

SentenceKernels

Thesimplestandshortestofallsentencesarecalledkernels(alsoknownasbaseclausesorcorestatements).Somekernelsaremadeupofasinglenoun(withorwithoutadeterminer)andasinglefiniteverb.Joelaughedisanexampleofasentencekernel;soisThedogdied.Kernelscanalsobemadewithveryshortandsimplenounandverbphrases:Thewolfchasedthedeerisakernelsentence;soisTheblacksheepwanderedaway;soisAlltheboysweresickthatday.

Kernelsarethemostbasicdeclarativesentenceswecanmake:simple,unadorned,andstraightforward.Beforewecanmakeelaboratesentences,weneedtoknowhowtomakekernels.

Practice:MakeKernels

Writeasmanykernelsasyoucan,firstusingsinglenounsandverbsandthenveryshortnounandverbphrases.Thesesentencesmaysoundsillytoyou;that’sokay.Concentrate,notonthewords,butonthepattern:nounorshortnounphrase+verborshortverbphrase.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

TheRhythmofKernels

PracticingkernelsgivesusanopportunitytogettheunderlyingrhythmofEnglishsentencesintoourwriter’searandourbones.It’saduplerhythm,like

1

therhythmofwalking:left-right,left-right.Withkernelswecannamethisrhythmasnounphrase-verbphraseorassubject-predicate,subject-predicate.It’scrucialthatwegettoknowthisrhythminourbodies,aswellasourminds,foritisthegroundrhythmofallEnglishsentences.

Hereareafewwaystoplaywiththisrhythm:

Practice:Subject-PredicateRhythm

Startwritingkernelsagain.Keepyoursentencesshortandsimple,anddon’ttrytomakethemperfect.Now,asyouwrite,turnpartofyourattentiontotherhythmofsubjectandpredicate:subject—pause—predicate.Trytofeelthisrhythminyourbody,aswellasyourmind.Left-right,left-right;subject-predicate,subject-predicate.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

Practice:Subject-PredicateRhythm

Nowreadyoursentencesoutloud,pausingbetweenthesubjectandthepredicate.Trytofeeltherhythm:These-words-are-naming-the-subject/these-words-are-saying-something-about-the-subject.Ifyoulike,trythiswithapassagefromafavoritewriterorfromapieceyouareworkingon.Whatdoyounotice?

TheImportanceofKernels

Whenwepracticemakingkernels,wearetrainingourbrainsinthebasicpatternofEnglishsentences,soIconsiderpracticeinmakingkernelstobeanessentialwritingpractice.Themorewepractice,themoreeasilywecanmakeuseofthispatternwithoutconsciousthoughtwhenwearewriting,justasacatcherwhopracticesthrowingtosecondbaseathousandtimeswillbeabletonailabasestealerduringagame.

Aswithmakingthingsinanycraft,theconstructionofsentencescanbedonewithimmenseskillandsubtlety.Butwehavetohavethebasicsentence

patterntotallywiredintoourbrainssothatwecanmakeuseofittowritemoreelaboratesentences.Solet’sconsiderthisbasicpatternmorecarefully.

WhattheBasicPatternDoes1:ProvidePurposeMakinguseofthebasicsentencepatternwhenwewriteenablesustodosomeessentialthings.First,itletsoursentenceshavepurpose.Asentencewrittenaccordingtothebasicpatterndoestwothings:

1. Itgivesthereadersomeoneorsomethingwhoisthesubjectofthesentence.Thatis,itnameswhoorwhatthesentenceisabout;itgivesthesentencean“actor.”

2. Itsayssomething—makesastatement—aboutthesubjectofthesentence,givesusthe“action”ofthesentence.

Torepeat:Thesubjectofthesentenceconsistsofanounoranounphrase;theverborverbphrasethatconveystheactionisknownasthepredicateofthesentence.

Practice:NamingandSaying

Writeafewmorekernels,keepingyourattentionfirstonasking,“WhatamInaming?”thenonasking,“WhatdoIwanttosayaboutwhateverIjustnamed?”Ifyoulike,trywritinglongersentences;sentencesusingconcretelanguage;sentencesusingabstractlanguage.Thenreadyoursentencesaloud.Whatdoyouhear?

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

WhattheBasicPatternDoes2:MakeMeaningToconstructsentences,asI'vesaid,istoentertherealmofsyntax.Whilethatwordmaysoundforbidding,itsmeaningissimple:Itmeansthewayweorderourwordsandphrasesinsentences.Thebasicsentencepatternprovidesuswith

awaytodothis,withanestablishedtemplate.Imaginewhatwouldhappenifwedidn’thavethispattern,andwriterscouldthrowwordsontothepageinanyoldorder:Noonewouldbeabletounderstandthem!

Asentenceisaparticularwayoforderingwordsandphrasestomakesense.Thekeywordshereare“order”and“sense.”Englishisalanguageinwhichwemakemeaning,notonlybytheparticularwordswechooseandthephrasesorimageswecreate,butalsobythewayweorderthosewordsandphrases.

Take,forinstance,thissentence:Thecatatethecream.Now,whatwouldhappenifwetookthesamewordsandarrangedthemintodifferentorders?WecouldwriteAtethecatthecream.WecouldwriteThecreamatethecat.

Eachofourthreesentencesusesexactlythesamewords;theonlydifferenceistheorderinwhichwereceivethem.Butwhatadifferencethatordermakes!—quiteliterallythedifferencebetweensenseandnonsense.

Thisexampleillustratesthebasicrealitythat,inEnglish,wordorderhelpscreatemeaning.Notalllanguagesworkthisway,though.InLatin,forinstance,thereexistsagroupofendings,calledinflections,thatattachtowordsandenablethemtoplaydifferentrolesinsentences.Ifwetake,asanexample,theending-um,andifwedecidethataddingthisendingtoanounwillmakeitplaytheroleofanobject(thatis,someoneorsomethingthatreceivesanaction),andifwethenattachour-umtotheendofthewordcreaminourthirdexample,we’dgetthis:

Thecreamumatethecat.

Becauseweknowthat,inourinventedlanguage,theending-umturnsthewordcreamintothereceiveroftheaction,ratherthanthedoeroftheaction,weknowthatwhatthissentencereallymeansisThecatatethecream,eventhoughit’snotusingthatparticularorderofwords.

ForanyonewhohasgrownupspeakingandreadingEnglish,theideaofhavingtoprocesssentencesinthiswayismind-boggling.InEnglishwemake

sensethroughsyntax,throughthewayweorderourwordsinsentences.Sostrongisthepowerofsyntaxtohelpmakemeaningthatwriterswho

knowhowtomakeuseofthebasicsyntacticpatternsofEnglishsentencescanmakeevennonsenseatleastpartlyintelligible.ListentotheselinesfromLewisCarroll’s“Jabberwocky”:

’Twasbrillig,andtheslithytovesDidgyreandgimbleinthewabe;Allmimsyweretheborogroves,Andthemomerathsoutgrabe.

Wemaynotknowwhat“slithytoves”are,butthesyntaxtellsusthatthosewordsarethesubjectofthekernel“theslithytovesdidgyreandgimbleinthewabe”andthat“didgyreandgimbleinthewabe”makeupthepredicate.Sowecanguessthat“slithy”isanadjectivethatmodifiesthenoun“toves,”andthatwhoeverorwhatever“toves”are,theyaredoingsomeactionconveyedbythewords“gyreandgimble.”

WhattheBasicPatternDoes3:CreateMovementfromKnowntoUnknownBecausethebasicpatterngivesusastructurefororderingourwordsandphrases,ithelpsusmakemeaning,aswe’veseen.Thebasicpatternalsogivesforwardmovementtooursentences.Howdoesthismovementhappen?

IthappensbecauseEnglishsentenceshaveacharacteristicmovementbuiltintotheirbasicstructure:Theymove“fromknowntounknown.”ThismovementofEnglishsentences“fromknowntounknown”isanessentialfeatureofthelanguage.Ithasbeendescribedbyonelanguageexpertas“probablyoneofthemostimportantgrammaticalobservationstobemadeabout

Englishprosestyle.”2

AtypicalEnglishsentencebeginswiththesubject,thencontinueswithapredicatethatsayssomethingaboutthatsubject.Sothereadernowknowstwothings:whatthesubjectofthesentenceis,andwhatissaidaboutit.Tomovefromwhatis“known”—thatis,whatisknowntothereader—towhatis“unknown,”askilledwriterwillrepeatanelementfromherfirstsentenceintheonethatfollows.Mostoftenshewillrepeatthesubject(Joewashungry.Heateabanana.).Sometimesshewillrepeatadifferentsentenceelement(Joeateabanana.Ittasteddelicious.).Inwritingherthirdsentence,andanyfollowingones,shewillusethesametechniqueofrepeatinganelementfromaprevioussentence:Inthiswayhersentenceswillmovethereaderforwardsmoothlyfromonestatementtothenext,fromwhathealreadyknowstowhatisunknown.

WritinginTimeThismovementofsentencesfromknowntounknowncanalsoenableoursentencestohavedrama.Withinthelimitsimposedbythebasicsentencestructure,wecanchoosewhenwewanttogiveourreadersbitsofinformation.Wecanusesyntaxtocreatesuspenseandanticipation,tokeepourreadersreading.

That’sbecausewhileweare,inasense,orderingourwordsvisually(whetherfromonesideofthepagetotheotherinprose,orinsomeotherarrangementinpoetry),whatweareactuallydoingisorderingthemintime.Ourreaders’brainswillnotapproachourwritingasifitwereapainting,whosemanyelementscanbetakeninalmostsimultaneously.Rather,theywillcometothoselittleblackmarksonthepageinawayverysimilartothewaythebrainsoftrainedmusicianscometoamusicalscore:Theywillprocessonegroupofwords,andthenthenext,andthenthenext…untilthey“get”ourmeaning.Throughthewaywearrangeourwordsintosentenceswecancontrolhowreadersunderstandwhatwehavetosay.Wecanalsomanipulatetheiremotionalreactions.

Iwanttostressthispoint,becausetofullyrealizethatwriting(forthereader)unfoldsintimeisthegatewaytogettingapractical,ratherthanamerelymechanicalorintellectual,understandingofsyntax.Sentencesareauditorypatterns,whichhappenintime,sowheninoursentenceswegivereaderscertainwordsisjustasimportantasthespecificwordswechoose.Whenwehaveacommandofsentencepatterns,wecanmakeexactlytherightchoiceto“getthespellright”andkeepourreadersenthralledfromthebeginningofapieceofwritingtotheend.

Toexploresyntacticpossibilitiesdoesnotnecessarilyinvolvewritinglongandcomplexsentences.It’samazinghowmanypossibilitiessimplekernelscangiveustoplaywith.

TheTypesofKernels:FourVariationsontheBasicPatternOnceyou’vemasteredthebasicsentencepatternandcaneasilywritesimplesentenceswithclearsubjectsandpredicates,you’rereadytorefineyourunderstandingofhowsentencesworkandgiveyourselfmorepossibilitiestoplaywith.Thebasicsentencepatternhasfourtypes,eachmakinguseofadifferentkindofverbinitspredicate.

Rememberthatthesubjectofthesentencetellsreaderswhatthesentenceisabout.Theverbtellswhatthesubjectisdoing.Everysentencehasanactorandanaction.

Sometimestheactionconveyedbytheverbisindeedfullofenergy:Heheavedthepackagesintothecar.Othertimestheverbgivesastateofbeing:Joeissad.OrSallyappearshappy.

Theimportantthingstorememberare:1)mainverbs(alsoknownasfiniteverbs)canconveydifferentkindsofactionorenergy;and2)mainverbsarecategorizedbytheamountofenergytheyconvey.

Withthisinmind,let’stakealookatthefourvariationsonthebasicsentencepattern:

Type1:Subject+beverb(someformoftheverbbe)withanoun(ornounphrase),adjective(oradjectivephrase),oradverb(oradverbphrase)aspredicate;Type2:Subject+alinkingverb(suchasseem,become,feel,remain,appear)withanoun(ornounphrase)oradjective(oradjectivephrase)aspredicate;Type3:Subject+anintransitiveverb(suchaslaugh,jump,walk),whichmayormaynotbefollowedbyanadverboradverbphrase;Type4:Subject+atransitiveverb(suchasthrow,drop,make)withanounornounphraseasdirectobject.

Thenounoradjectiveconstructionsthatfollowbe,oralinkingverb,areknownasthecomplement(orsubjectcomplement)oftheverb.

Anyofthesepatternsmayalsoincludeanadverborshortadverbphrase,suchasaprepositionalphrase.(Forexample:Johnishappyatlast.)TheType4kernel,usingatransitiveverb,canalsoincludeanindirectobjectoranobjectcomplement.(Forexample:JoegaveMarytheapple.)We’llexploretheseoptionsinmoredetaillaterinthechapter.

Youmaynoticethatthekerneltypesprogressfromaverbthatexpresseslittleaction(be)toverbsthatconveyagreatdealofaction.Rememberthatallverbsarenotcreatedequal:Somecanexpressonlyastateofbeingoracondition;othersarefullofenergyandactivity.Ifyouknowhowtouseallofthesedifferentkindsofverbs,youcanchoosethekindthatbestsuitsyourpurposeasyouconstructsentences.Suppose,forinstance,thesubjectofyoursentenceisafrog.Thefrog,youmightwrite,isontherock.(He’sthere;that’sall.)Orperhapsyou’dratherwriteThefrogremainsontherock.(Alittlemoreactivityisimpliedhere,perhaps;thefrogseemstobedecidingtostayontherock.)Orthis:Thefrogsitsontherock.(Thefrogstillisn’tmoving,butheisengagedinanactivity:sittingthere.)Orthisone:Thefrogembracestherock.(Canyoufeelthefrog’smusclesmovingnow?)

Noticethatthesubstitutionofverbsintheseexamplesisnotjustamatteroffindingsynonyms;it’saboutconsideringtheamountofactivityeachtypeofverbconveys.Knowinghowtouseallfourtypeswillexpandenormouslyyouroptionsformakingsentences.

Let’slookateachoneofthesealittlemoreclosely.

SentenceKernels

Type1Kernels:ToBeorNottoBe?

Thebeverbhastakenalotofabuseinrecentyearsfromthosewhogiveadviceaboutwriting:Manyofthemtellusweshouldneverusethisverb.Although,likeanyotherword,formsoftobecanbeoverused,inthehandsofskilledwriters,beisanimportanttool.Listentothisexample:

Mariposaisnotarealtown.Onthecontrary,itisaboutseventyoreightyofthem.…TothecarelesseyethesceneontheMainStreetofasummerafternoonisoneofdeepandunbrokenpeace.Theemptystreetsleepsinthesunshine.ThereisahorseandbuggytiedtothehitchingpostinfrontofGlover’shardwarestore.…Butthisquietismereappearance.Inreality,andtothosewhoknowit,theplaceisaperfecthiveofactivity.…—StephenLeacock,SunshineSketchesofaLittleTown

Inthesesentences,thebeverbbecomesalmostinvisible,directingthereader’sattentiontothenounsandnounphrasesthatbringMainStreetalive.Tousesomeformofbeisnotnecessarilythemarkofapoorwriter;what’simportantinsuchsentencesiswhatliesoneithersideoftheverb.

FourWaystoWriteKernelswith“Be”

Herearefourwaysofusingformsoftobeinkernelsentences,whichyoumayliketoaddtoyourrepertoireofsentence-makingtechniques.Asyoupracticethesetechniques,noticehowfamiliartheyaretoyoualready.

Wecanusekernelswithbe:

1.ToState(andPerhapsEmphasize),Identity:

Usethekernelpattern:nounornounphrase+beverb+samenounornounphrase(ascomplement):

Boyswillbeboys.

MannyisManny.

Aroseisaroseisarose.(GertrudeStein)

2.ToRenametheSubject:

Usethekernelpattern:nounornounphrase+beverb+newnounornounphraseascomplement.

CanadiansarenotAmericans.

JasonVaritekistheRedSoxcaptain.

Hellisotherpeople.(Jean-PaulSartre)

Youcanalsousethispatterntocreatemetaphorandsimile;forinstance:

TedWilliamsisGod.

Timeisariver.

Julietisthesun.(Shakespeare,RomeoandJuliet)

Thesnowislikebutterflies.

Notethatalloftheseconstructionsarebuiltonnouns.

3.WithaComplement(WhatComesAftertheBeVerb)ThatisanAdjectiveoranAdjectivalPhrase:

Joeiscute.

Tomorrowwillbefine.

Alliswell.

4.WithaComplementThatisanAdverboranAdverbialPhrase:

Joeisfaraway.

Theapplesareontheshelf.

Youareinbigtrouble.

Practice:KernelswiththeBeVerb

Writesomekernelsusingvariousformsofthebeverb.Whatdoyounotice?

Type2Kernels:UsingLinkingVerbsThelinkingverbsincludeseem,appear,feel,become,look,turn,get,grow,remain.Rememberthattheseare“state-of-being”or“condition”verbs,notactionverbs.Kernelswithlinkingverbsuseoneoftwopatterns:

1.subject+linkingverb+nounornounphraseascomplement

Jenniferbecameadoctor.

Jonathanremainsajudge.

2.subject+linkingverb+adjectiveoradjectivalphraseascomplement

Themonkeygrewsad.

Everythingbecameclear.

Susielookedverybeautiful.

Heappearedangry.

Practice:KernelswithLinkingVerbs

Makesomekernelswithlinkingverbs.Whatdoyounotice?Accordingtosomeexpertsonsentences,themostimportantinformationin

asentencetendstocomeattheendofthesentence,especiallywhenthepatternisakernelwithbeoralinkingverb.That’sbecausewedon’tusuallywritesentencesinisolation,butoneafteranother,andsothesubjectofasentenceoftenreferstoapersonorthingthereaderisalreadyfamiliarwith.(Seeaboveforthediscussionofmovingfromknowntounknown.)

Inthetwopatternswe’vejustplayedwith,thekernelsusuallyhavelittleactivity.Tocreatemoreactivityinasentence,weneedtouseintransitiveortransitiveverbs.

Type3Kernels:UsingIntransitiveVerbs

Intransitiveverbsarethosethatconveyaction,withoutrequiringadditionalwordstocompletetheaction.Thekernelpatternissubject+intransitiveverb,possiblyfollowedbyanadverborashortadverbialphrase.

Birdssing.

Theboyslaughed.

Thedogbarkedloudly.

Susiegiggleduncontrollably.

Sheskatedwithease.

Practice:KernelswithIntransitiveVerbs

Makesomekernelsusingthepatternforintransitiveverbs.Whatdoyounotice?

Type4Kernels:UsingTransitiveVerbs

Transitiveverbsalsoconveyaction,buttheyrequireanotherwordorphrasetocompletetheaction.Thiswordorphraseisknownbygrammariansasthedirectobject.Thekernelpatternissubject+transitiveverb+noun(orpronoun)ornounphraseasdirectobject.

Joehatedthewoman.(Directobject=thewoman)

Thedogbitthepostman.

Jeffreadthenewspaper.

Annaatethespaghetti.

Thispatterncanalsobevariedasfollows:subject+transitiveverb+nounphrase(orpronoun)+adverborprepositionalphrase.

Shethrewtheballhard.

Hisquestionshatteredthesilencelikeglass.

Susie’smotherdrovehertotheparty.

Oneadditionalvariationofthepatternaddsanounornounphraseservingasanindirectobject.Forexample:

JackgaveAmandaapresent.(Indirectobject=Amanda)

Practice:KernelswithTransitiveVerbs

Makesomekernelswithtransitiveverbs.Whatdoyounotice?

Practice:PlaywithKernels

Takesometimetopracticeeachtypeofkernelinturn.Readyoursentencesoutloud,andnoticewhatyouhear.Tryrewritingasentenceusingdifferentkindsofverbs.It’salsofuntofreewriteusingonekindofkernelafteranother.

Practice:TellaStorywithKernels

Usingthekernelpatternsintheorderinwhichtheyareexplainedabove,oneatatime,tellastory.YourfirstsentencewilluseaType1kernel,yoursecondsentenceaType2kernel,andsoon.Whenyou'vecompletedfoursentences,writeanotherfoursentencesusingthekerneltypesinthesameorder.Continueuntilyourstoryends.

KernelsProvideChoicesIhopeyouwillnoticehowbecomingawareofthedifferentkindsofkernelpatternsgivesyoumorechoicesinhowtosaysomething.Forinstance,doyouwanttowriteSamisstrange,orSamseemsstrange,orSamactsstrangely?DoyouwanttowriteThatflyisannoyingorThatflyannoysme?

AsyouplaywithkernelsIencourageyoutotrydifferentwaysofsayingthesamethingsothatyoubuildinyourwordmindarepertoireofsentence-structurepossibilities.

Practice:LearnfromtheProfessionals

Studywritersyoulikeforhowtheyusekernels.Imitatewhattheydo.Hereareafewexamplestoconsider.

TheProsUseKernels

“Don’tdoanythingdaft,sons,”saidoneoftheuniforms.Buttheywerejustwords.Nobodywaslistening.Thetwoteenagerswereagainsttherailsnow,onlytenfeetorsofromthecrashedcar.Rebuswalkedslowlyforward,pointingwithhisfinger,makingitcleartothemthathewasgoingtothecar.Theimpacthadcausedthetrunktospringopenaninch.Rebuscarefullylifteditandlookedinside.Therewasnobodyinside.

—IanRankin,LetItBleed

I’moneforroutine.Iliketogetonwithmyjob,andthenwhentheday’swork’soversettledowntoapaperandasmokeandabitofmusiconthewireless,varietyorsomethingofthesortandthenturninearly.Ineverhadmuchuseforgirls…

—DaphneDuMaurier,“KissMeAgain,Stranger”

Hewouldhavegivenupthathope[ofvengeance]forFlavia’ssake,ifshehadcomewithhim,becausethequestforvengeancewasatrailthatnomanshouldfollowwithawomanandachilddependentonhim.ButFlaviahadnotcome.

—RosemarySutcliff,TheLanternBearers

Nowitwasthetwenty-fourthofDecember,andjustsuchamorning.Christmastomorrow.Shewasalone,andshewouldspendtomorrowalone.Shedidnotmind.Sheandherhousewouldkeepeachothercompany.

—RosamundePilcher,“MissCameronatChristmas”

Icouldnothelpit.IburstintoashoutoflaugherasIlookedatGeorge’swrathfulface,Irolledinmychair,Iverynearlyfellonthefloor.Georgeneverforgaveme.ButTomoftenasksmetoexcellentdinnersinhischarminghouseinMayfair,andifheoccasionallyborrowsatriflefromme,thatismerelyfromforceofhabit.Itisnevermorethanasovereign.

—SomersetMaugham,“TheAntandtheGrasshopper”

UsingKernelsforEffectAstheprecedingexamplesdemonstrate,kernelscancreatepowerfuleffects.Sotheyareanimportantpartofeveryskilledwriter’ssentencerepertoire.Youcan,forinstance,usekernelsinthefollowingways:

1. Tovarythelengthofyoursentencesandcreaterhythm.Onewriteronstylesays,“Thebetterthewriter,offictionandofnonfictionalike,themorehetendstovaryhissentencelength.Andhedoesitasdramaticallyaspossible.Timeandagaintheshortestsentenceinaprofessionalparagraphisbroughtupagainstthelongest,oratleastlodgedamongsomemuch

longer.Thissmallestsentenceisoftenakernel,oranear-kernel.”2. Tocreatemovementbyusingdifferentkernel-structuresinsequence.

(Rememberthateachkerneltypehasadifferentamountofenergybecauseeachusesadifferentkindofverb.)

3. Tocreateemphasisordramaorsurprise.Professionalwriters,liketheonesabove,oftenbeginaparagraphwithakerneltograbthereader’sattention(seetheDuMaurierexample),orendaparagraphwithonetocreateemphasisorclimax(seetheRankinandSutcliffexamples).Sometimestheyuseakernelinthemiddleofaparagraph,tocreateatransitionorchangedirection—andsometimestheyevenusekernelsinallthreepositions(seetheMaughamexample).

Practice:PlaywithKernels

3

Foolaroundwithusingkernelstocreatedifferenteffects,eitherbywritingafewsentencesorparagraphsonasubjectofyourchoice,orbyrevisingsomeofyourownwriting.Whatdoyounotice?

KernelsandFragmentsContemporarywritersmakefrequentuseofsentencefragmentstoreplicatehowpeopletalk,eitherindialogueorininternalmonologue.Suchfragmentsdifferfromkernelsinthattheyarenotcompletesentences:Theylacksubjectorpredicate,orboth.Canyoufindthefragmentsinthisexample?

Badgworthywasinaseventhheaven.Amurder!AtChimneys!InspectorBadgworthyinchargeofthecase.Thepolicehaveaclue.Sensationalarrest.Promotionandkudosfortheaforementionedinspector.

—AgathaChristie,TheSecretofChimneys

Numberofwordsisnotausefulindicatorofwhetheragivenutteranceisasentencefragmentorakernel.Sometimesasentencefragmentcanbelongerthanakernel,asinthefollowingexample,spokenbyapoliceofficer(comparethesecondandthirdsentences):

“BasilBlakewasatapartyatthestudiosthatnight.Youknowthesortofthing.Startsateightwithcocktailsandgoesonandonuntiltheair'stoothicktoseethroughandeveryonepassesout.”

—AgathaChristie,TheBodyintheLibrary

Practice:PlaywithKernels

Writesomekernels,rememberingthebasicsubject-predicaterhythm.Nowwritesomesentencefragments.Canyoufeelthedifference?Experimentwithcombiningkernelsandfragmentsinthesamepassage.(Youmayfindithelpfultousedialogueorinternalmonologue.)

TheBenefitsofPracticingKernelsThoughkernelsareshort,theyareanexceptionallyusefulwriter’stool.Beyondtheirabilitytocreateeffects,theyareimportantbecausethemorewepracticethem,themorewetrainourwriter’smindtogetasolidgriponthebasicstructureoftheEnglishsentence.Naturallywe’renotgoingtofillourpagesonlywithkernels—thatwouldboreus,andboreourreaders.Butwhenwehavereallylearned,throughpractice,howkernelswork,whenwecanwritethemwithease,thenwecanlearntoelaboratethemintomorecomplicatedstructures.Thesentenceswewritethenwillbelonger,buttheywillalwaysbegroundedinthebasicstructureofthekernel—whichisthefundamentalstructureoftheEnglishsentence,thestructureourreadersexpect.

SoIhopeyouwillnotdisdainkernelsas“toosimple.”Inthenextchapterwe’llbeginourexplorationofwaystoelaborateandextendthemintomorecomplexsentences.Havingasolidgriponkernelswillenableyoutotakeinthisnewmaterialmoreeasily.

Ifyoufeelreadytotakeonthemakingofmorecomplexsentences,proceedtothenextchapter.Butifyou'dliketoplaywithkernelsawhilelonger,here’sanotherwaytounderstandthebasicpatternsofEnglishsentences.

SyntacticSlots

“Andthewordsslideintotheslotsordainedbysyntax,andglitteraswith

atmosphericdustwiththoseimpuritieswhichwecallmeaning,” writesBritishauthorAnthonyBurgess.These“slotsordainedbysyntax”are,inanEnglishsentence,thesubjectandthepredicate:whatisnamed,andwhatwesayaboutwhatisnamed.Ifyouareavisuallymindedperson,youmightfindthisnotionof“syntacticslots”helpfulinvisualizinghowsyntaxworks.

4

Intothesubject“slot”cangonounsorpronouns,ornounphrases(thatis,anygroupofwordsfunctioningasanoun)andanywordsorphrasesmodifyingthenoun.Intothepredicate“slot”gothemainverbofthesentenceandanywordsorphrasesservingtomodifythatverb,aswellasanycomplementsorobjects.Youmayfindithelpfultocreateamentalimageoftheseslots,sothat,asyouproducesentences,oneafteranother,youkeepinmindthatfirstyoumustfillthesubjectslot,thenthepredicateslot.Asyoubeginyournextsentence,youmustfillthesubjectslotagain,andthenthepredicateslot,andsoon.

Ifyoulikethisidea,herearesomepracticestotry.

Practice:SentenceSlots

Writesentencekernels,usingamentalimageofthesubjectandpredicate“slots,”andfillthemwiththeappropriatewords.Readyourkernelsoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Practice:SentenceSlots

Dosomefreewriting,tryingtokeepthementalimageofthesubjectandpredicate“slots”aliveinonepartofyourmind.Whathappenswhenyoudothis?Afterwardsreadyoursentencesaloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Practice:SentenceSlots

Revisesomeofyourwritingbyreadingitoutloudandtrying,atthesametime,tokeepinmindthementalimageofthesyntactic“slots.”

SyntacticSlots:MoreDetailsIfyoufindithelpfultovisualizethe“slots”wordsmustslideinto,hereisamoredetailedpictureofthebasicEnglishsentence:Thesubjecttakesuponlyone“slot,”whilethepredicatecancontainfromonetothreeslots.Howcanthatbe?Italldependsonwhatkindofverbisbeingused.Beoralinkingverbwillrequiretwoslotsforthepredicate:theverbandthecomplement.(George//is/sad.)Anintransitiveverbrequiresonlyoneslotforthepredicate.(Philip//

laughed.)Atransitiveverbwillrequiretwoslotsforthepredicate:theverbandthedirectobject.(Melissa//read/thebook.)Atransitiveverbwillrequirethreeslotsforthepredicatewhenthere’sanindirectobject(Mary//gave/Alice/abook.):subject(slot1)+verb(slot2)+indirectobject(slot3)+directobject(slot4):slots2-4makeupthepredicate.Atransitiveverbwillalsorequirethreeslotsforthepredicatewhenthere’sanobjectcomplement.(Joe//considers/mybrother/afriend.)

Withanykindofverb,thepredicatecanincludeanadverboradverbphrase.Forexample:

Rebeccaissleepyinthemorning.

Joelaughedloudly.

SummaryoftheBasicSentencePatterns

Slot1 Slot2 Slot3 Slot4

1A.Subject Be SubjectComplement

1B.Subject Be Adverbial

2.Subject LinkingVerb SubjectComplement

3.Subject IntransitiveVerb

4A.Subject TransitiveVerb DirectObject

4B.Subject TransitiveVerb IndirectObject DirectObject

4C.Subject TransitiveVerb DirectObject ObjectComplement

4D.Subject AnyVerb Complement/Object,ifnecessary Adverbial(optional)

Practice:SentenceSlots

Usingtheinformationinthesidebar,playwithwritingdifferentkindsofkernels.

5

Noticethekindsofverbsyouareusingandtheparticularpartofspeechyouareslidingintoeachslot.

TheValueofSentencePatternsThemorewepracticesentencepatterns—likeamusicianpracticingscalesandintervals—themoreoptionswehaveatourcommandwhenweareinthemidstofcompositionandrevision.Iencourageyoutoplayasmuchasyoucanwiththesebasicpatterns,and,ifyoulike,toinventyourownpractices.

TakeTimetoReflect

Whathaveyoulearnedfromthischapter?Whatsections(ifany)mightyouneedtorevisit?Whatpracticesdoyouwanttomakeapartofyourpracticerepertoire?

1 …factandfiction,proseandpoetry.VirginiaTufte,GrammarasStyle(Holt,Rinehart,1971)p.iv.

2 …aboutEnglishprosestyle.DwightBolinger,quotedbyVirginiaTufte,GrammarasStyle,p.125.

3 …oranear-kernel.VirginiaTufte,ArtfulSentences,p.24.IamindebtedtoTufteforherexplanationofkernels.

4 …whichwecallmeaning.AnthonyBurgess,Enderby(Penguin,1982),p.406.

5 SummaryoftheBasicSentencePatterns,adaptedfromMarthaKolln,RhetoricalGrammar,p.16.

Chapter11

ElaboratingtheBasicSentence

Ifartisthebridgebetweenwhatyouseeinyourmindandwhattheworldsees,thenskillishowyoubuildthatbridge.

—TwylaTharp,TheCreativeHabit:LearnItandUseItforLife

Whilemasteryofsentencekernelsisanessentialwritingskill,limitingyoursentence-makingtokernelsalonewillprobablyborebothyouandyourreaders.Ifyouimaginethatcreatingabasickernelsentencestructureislikebuildingasmall,plainhouse,thenelaboratingthatstructureislikeaddingdetailsanddecorationtothathouse.Thekernelsentence,justliketheunadornedhouse,doestheessentialworkitneedstodo;theactofaddingdetailsanddecoration,toeithersentencestructureorhousestructure,canmovebothofthembeyondthebasic.Inbothcases,though,youneedtoknowhowtoelaboratetheelementalstructuresothatyouradditionsenhancethatstructureratherthandetractfromtheworkitalreadydoeswell.

Thetechniquesofmakingmorecomplexsentencesareallbasedontheprocessofaddingtobasicsentences.Towriteasentencethatismorecomplexistoaddmore“stuff”—moreinformation,moredetails,morewords—toabasicsentence.Manywritersgetintotroublewhentheytrytoconstructcomplicatedsentencesbecausetheylosetrackofthebasicsentencepattern.Ifyoukeepafirmgriponthatpattern(oroneofitsvariations),you’relesslikelytoloseyourway(andtoloseyourreaders).

Thetechniquesofmakingcomplicatedsentencesfallintotwomaincategories:

1. Youcanaddmorewordsandphrasestoasinglebasicsentence(kernel).Icallthisprocesselaboratingthebasicsentence.

2. Youcanalsocombineoneormorebasicsentences,inaprocessIcallextendingthebasicsentence.

Skilledwritersmakeuseofbothofthesetechniques,bothseparatelyandtogether.Inthischapter,we’llexploreelaboration;inChapter12,we’llturntoextendingsentences.

ElaboratingtheBasicSentencePatterns

Whenwewanttoaddmorematerialtoakernel,wehavetokeepinmindtwothings.First,readersexpectthebasicsentencepatterntoprovideafoundationforeverydeclarativesentence,sowedon’twanttothwartthatexpectationunlesswe’redoingitonpurposeandforgoodreason.Inotherwords,wehavetomakesurethatwhenweelaborateakernelwedon’tmessupthebasickernelstructure.Weneedtoaddourmaterialtosentencesinwaysthatdon’tconfuseourreaders—unlesswehavesomegoodreasonforwantingtodisorientthem.Weneedtomakesurethatwhenweaddmorematerialtoakernel,oursentencesstillmakesense.

Second,elaboratingkernelsisoneofourmostusefultoolsformakingthingshappeninsideourreaders’mindsandforkeepingtheirattention.Whenwelearnhowtoaddmaterialtokernels,wehaveunlimitedoptionsforcreatingtheeffectswewant.

Therearetwoprimarywayswecanelaboratekernels:Wecancreatecompoundsubjectsorverbs;andwecanaddmodifierstothesubjectorthepredicate,orboth.Someofthesetechniqueswillbefamiliartoyoufromthechapteronphrases.Here,we’llgooverthemagain—thistimethinkingabout

themalittledifferently,fromthepointofviewofelaboratingkernels.Thenwe’llexaminesomeothertechniques.

HowtoElaborateaKernel1:CompoundSubjectsandPredicatesYou’llrememberthatwecancombinetwoormorenouns(ornounphrases)usingtheconjunctionand.Whenthisconstructionservesasthesubjectofasentence,theresultiscalledacompoundsubject.Forexample:

TheSharksandtheJetseyedeachotherwithsuspicion.

JoeandMaryhavenevermet.

Wecanalsouseandtocombineverbs.Whentwoormoreverbs(orverbphrases)serveasthepredicateofasentence,theyarecalledacompoundpredicate.Forexample:

Joeopenedthewindowandlookedout.

Thedogbarkedatthepostmanandgrowledfiercely.

Sometimescompoundsubjectsorpredicatestaketheformofalist:

Joejumpedoutofbed,grabbedhisclothes,anddressedhurriedly.

Ifyouvaguelyremembersomethingcalled“compoundsentences”fromagrammarlesson,pleasenotethatthereisabigdifferencebetweenacompoundpredicateandacompoundsentence:asentencewithacompoundpredicatehasonlyonesubject(thoughthatsubjectmaycontainmorethanonenoun).Ifyoufeelconfusedaboutthis,readoverthesentencesaboveandpauseafterthesubject,thennoticehowit’sthesamesubjectengagingineveryoneofthe

actionsconveyedbytheverbs.Asforcompoundsentences,we’llgettotheminthenextchapter.

Practice:CompoundSubjectsandPredicates

Writesomeshortsentencesusingcompoundsubjectsandpredicates(orboth).Whatdoyounotice?

Youprobablyrememberthatapredicatecanoftencontainmorethanone“slot”;whenitdoes,theconstructionsinthoseslotscanalsobecomecompound.(SeeChapter10foranexplanationofslots.)Forexample:

Joethrewtheapplesandorangesintoabag.(Compounddirectobject)

MarygaveSteveandSuzannealistoftaskstodo.(Compoundindirectobject)

Maryisaliarandathief.(Compoundcomplement)

Playaroundwithusingthecompoundingtechniquewiththeseconstructions.Asyoudothis,keepinmindthatwheneveryoujointwowordsorphraseswithand,thoseconstructionsmustbethesamepartofspeech;thatis,youmustjoinnounsandnouns,adjectivesandadjectives,butnotnounsandadjectives.

TheProsUseCompoundStructures

Compoundstructuresareausefultool,onethatenableswriterstocondenseagreatdealofinformationintoasinglesentence.Forexample:

"AllthefrustrationandbitternessandfascinationoftheyearsIspent[inMoscow]duringthewarcamerushingbackatme…"

—AndrewGarve,MurderThroughtheLookingGlass

Byseveno’clocktheorchestrahasarrived,nothinfive-pieceaffair,butawholepitfulofoboesandtrombonesandsaxophonesandviolsandcornetsandpiccolos,andlowandhighdrums.

—F.ScottFitzgerald,TheGreatGatsby

TheRatbroughttheboatalongsidethebank,madeherfast,helpedthestillawkwardMolesafelyashore,andswungouttheluncheon-basket.

—KennethGrahame,TheWindintheWillows

Compoundpredicatesalsoenablewriterstoinfusetheirsentenceswiththeenergyofactivity:

Hethrewhisheaddownandgnashedhisteeth,andallowedamurmurofsuppressedangertosweepthecrowd.

—ChinuaAchebe,ThingsFallApart

Theskipping-ropewasawonderfulthing.[Mary]countedandskipped,andskippedandcounted,untilhercheekswerequitered…

—FrancesHodgsonBurnett,TheSecretGarden

Practice:LearnfromthePros

Searchtheworkofoneofyourfavoritewritersforcompoundsubjects,verbs,directobjects,andotherstructures,thenimitatethosesentences.

Whatdoyounoticeindoingthesepractices?

HowtoElaborateaKernel2:Modifiers

Thesecondwaywecanelaborateakernelisbyaddingmodifiers.Asyouundoubtedlyremember,amodifierisaword,oragroupofwords,thataddssomeinformationtoanounoraverb;amodifiermakesitsnounorverbmorespecific,moreprecise,morevivid.Whenawordoragroupofwordsmodifiesa

noun,itisfunctioningasanadjective.Whenawordoragroupofwordsmodifiesaverb(or,sometimes,anadjectiveoranotheradverb),itisfunctioningasanadverb.

Anynounornounphrasecanhavemodifyingwordsaddedtoit;socananyverborverbphrase,includingverbals.

Whenwecometoelaborateourkernelswithmodifierstherearetwomainthingswehavetopayattentionto.First,withinthelimitsimposedbytheneedtomakesense,wecanmakechoicesaboutwhatmaterialwewanttoadd;second,wecanmakechoicesaboutwhenwewanttoaddthatmaterial.

ElaborateaKernelwithModifiers1:The“What”

Therearethreeverbalstructureswecanuseasmodifiers:singlecontentwords,phrases,andclauses.Forthetimebeing,let’sfocusonthefirsttwo.(We’llgettoclauseslater.)You’llrememberthismaterialfromthepracticesonmakingphrases;Iwantyoutorevisititheresoyoucanfocusonmodificationasatechniqueforelaboratingkernels.

ModifiersasSingleWords

Whenanounismodifiedbyasingleword,mostofthetimethatwordcomesbetweenthedeterminerandthenoun:

Theboylaughed.

Thesmallboylaughed.

Thesmall,timidboylaughed.

Thedogwasalong-eared,friendlymutt.

Singleadjectivesinbetweenadeterminerandanouncanbecombinedwithand:

Thedogwasalong-earedandshort-hairedmutt.

Anytimeyouputanounintoanappropriateplaceinasentence—as,forinstance,objectorcomplement—youcan,ifyoulike,addmodifiers:

Thesmallboyreachedoutwithtimidfingerstopatthelong-eared,friendlymutt.

Likenouns,verbscan(andoftenare)modifiedbysinglewords—inthiscase,adverbs:

Thesmallboywalkedsoftly.

Practice:ModifyNounswithSingleWords

Writesomekernels.Nowrewritethem,addingsingle-wordmodifierstothenouns.Whatdoyounotice?(Ofcourse,addinganadjectiveortwoinbetweenadeterminerandanounmakesthenounphraselonger.Doyoulikethesoundoflongernounphrases?)

Practice:ModifyVerbswithSingleWords

Writesomekernels.Nowrewritethem,addingsingle-wordmodifierstotheverbs.

Whatdoyounotice?Ifyoulike,trywritingkernelsandthenaddingsingle-wordmodifierstobothnounsandverbs.

ModifiersasPhrases

Oneofthemostimportantthingstoknowaboutmodifiersisthattheycanbesinglewords—ortheycanbephrases.Forinstance:

Theboylaughed.

Thesmallboyinthebluehatlaughedloudlyattheclown.(Themodifiers,inorder:singleadjective;prepositionalphraseactingasanadjective;singleadverb;prepositionalphraseactingasanadverb.)

Practice:ModifywithPhrases

Writesomekernels,thenelaboratethemwithadjectivaloradverbialphrases.Usethesetwophrasepatterns:1)twoadjectivesortwoadverbsconnectedbyand;2)prepositionalphrases.

Readyoursentencesoutloud:Howdotheysoundtoyou?Whatdoyounoticedoingthis?(Ifyoustrugglewiththispractice,youmaywanttoreviewChapter9.)

Nowexperimentwithtakingakernelandmodifyingit,first,withsinglewords,thenwithphrases,thenwithbothsinglewordsandphrases.Whatdoyounotice?

TheProsElaborateKernelswithModifiers1:SingleWordsandPrepositionalPhrases

TearsrolledslowlydownMrs.Packington'smiddle-agedcheeks.—AgathaChristie,“TheCaseoftheMiddle-AgedWife”

Notethesinglemodifiers:slowly(modifyingrolled),Mrs.Packington’sandmiddle-aged(bothmodifyingcheeks),andthephrasedownMrs.Packington’smiddle-agedcheeks(modifyingrolled).

ThehousehadroughcastwallsandaroofofmossystonetilesandstoodatthefarendofthefarmyardintheshadeofanoldScotspine.

—BruceChatwin,OntheBlackHill

Marytouched[thebranchofthetree]inaneager,reverentway.—FrancesHodgsonBurnett,TheSecretGarden

Justthentheyheardtheintimate,dramatic,triumphant,wheedlingvoiceoftheradio…

—NadineGordimer,“TheGentleArt”

Practice:ImitatethePros

Usethesentencesabove,orchooseapassagefromawriterofyourchoice.First,identifythekernelofeachdeclarativesentence.Noticewhatkindofmodifiersthewriterused:singlewordsorphrases.Nowimitateeachsentencebywritingakernelandthenusingmodifiersinthesamewayastheprofessionalwriterdid;inotherwords,placesinglemodifiersandmodifyingphrasesexactlywhereshedid.Readyoursentencesaloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Oneofthethingsyou’llprobablynoticeisthatsinglewordmodifiersareoftenapartofprepositionalphrases,asinofanoldScotspine,whereoldandScotsmodifypine.Youmayalsofindthewriterusingstructuresthatyoucan’tyetidentify;justsettheseaside,fornow.

ParticipialPhrasesasModifiers

Inadditiontousingsinglewordsandprepositionalphrasesasmodifiers,wecanalsouseparticipialphrases.You’llrememberfromourdiscussionofverbalsinChapter8thatwehavetwoparticipialformsofverbsthatwecanuseasmodifiers:thepresentparticiple(whichcommonlyendsin-ing),andthepastparticiple(whichoften,thoughnotalways,endsin-ed).It’sessentialtobeawareofthedifferencebetweenaparticiplethatistakingtheroleofmainverbinasentence—Stephenwassingingloudlyinthecar—andaparticipleusedasanadverboradjective—Stephenlistenedtothesingingbird.IntheexamplefromNadineGordimer,thewordwheedlingisaparticipleservingasanadjective.(Ifyoufeelconfusedaboutparticiples,reviewChapter8orconsultyourgrammarbook.)Herewewilltalkonlyaboutparticiplesusedasmodifiers.

Likeothermodifiers,participlescanbeinsertedintoanexistingphrase,astheword“singing”isintothenounphrase“thebird”intheaboveexample;theycanalsohaveotherwordsaddedtothemandbecomeparticipialphrases.Forexample:

Welistenedforalongtimetothesparrowschirpinginthetrees.

Participlescanbeconfusingbecausetheyareveryadaptableandcandoanumberofdifferentthingsinsentences.Tomakesureyouknowwhataparticipleisdoinginaparticularsentence,trythis:Firstidentifythesinglepartsofspeechandthephrasesinthesentence,andnametheroleeachisplaying.Thiswillshowyouthat,inasentencelikethisone,forinstance—Joehitthebarkingdog—thephrasethebarkingdoghasaparticiple(barking)init,butit’snotaparticipialphrase(anadjectiveconstruction)becauseit’sfunctioningasadirectobjectandsomustbeanounphrase.

TheProsElaborateKernelswithModifiers2:ParticiplesandParticipialPhrases

…thelinesoftremblingmonkeyshuddledtogetheronthewallsandbattlementslookedlikeraggedshakyfringesofthings.

—RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook

Theyhadlefthim,andnowtheyweregoingtobed.UncleAlantookabath,andTomlaylisteningtohimandhatinghim.

—PhilippaPearce,Tom’sMidnightGarden

[He]haddwindlednowsimplyintoanice-lookingyoungmanstandinginthesunshine,withdoubtmeltingonhisfaceintohorrifiedapology.

—MaryStewart,TheIvyTree

Practice:ImitatethePros

Findexamplesofparticiplesorparticipialphrasesinapassagebyyourfavoritewriter,orusetheexamplesabove.Imitatehowyourchosenwriterusesthesestructuresasmodifiers.Whatdoyounotice?Theninventsomesentencesofyourown,usingthesestructures.

ElaborateaKernelwithModifiers2:The“When”

Whenweelaborateakernel,weneedtorememberthatsentencesunfoldforreadersintime:Tomakesenseofwhattheyarereading,readersaddeachelementinasentencetotheonethatcamebeforeit.Sooneofthekeystosuccessfulelaborationliesinknowingwheninakernelwecanaddmodifiers.

Wehavethreechoices:

1. Wecanaddwordsandphrasestooneofthetwoprimary“slots”inasentence;thatis,tothesubject,tothepredicate,ortoboth.

2. Wecanaddwordsandphrasesbeforethesubject,betweenthesubjectandpredicate,orafterthepredicate.

3. Wecandosomeofboth.

Ifyouskippedthesectiononslots(it’sinChapter10),allyouneedtoknowhereisthatadeclarativesentencehastwomainparts—thesubjectandthepredicate—andthateachofthesecanbeconsideredasasyntactic“slot”intowhichweslidewords.

The“When”ofElaboratingaKernel1:ElaboratingWithinSlots

Supposewehaveabasicsentencekernellike,Thedogbarks.We’vegotasubject,Thedog,andapredicate,barks.

Thissentencecommunicatessomething…butperhapsitdoesn’tgetacrossallthedetailswe’dliketoinclude.Aswesawabove,wecanaddmodifiers

withinthenounphrase“thedog":Thelittlebrowndogbarks.Supposewestillwanttoaddmoreinformationtooursubject,thelittle

browndog.Wecandothatbyaddingmoremodifierswithinthesubjectslot:

Thelittlebrowndogwiththeinjuredfoot/barks.

Ingeneral,whenweaddmodifierstoanoun,singleadjectivescomebetweenthedeterminerandthenoun;adjectivephrasescomeafterthenoun.

Ifwewantto,wecanalsoaddsinglewordsorphrases,asadverbs,tothepredicateslot:

Thelittlebrowndogwiththeinjuredfoot/barksloudly.Thelittlebrowndogwiththeinjuredfoot/barksloudlyuntildusk.

Practice:ElaborateWithinSubjectandPredicateSlots

Youjustdidthispracticeabove;nonetheless,Iencourageyoutodoitagain.Thistime,though,asyoudoit,beawarethatyouareslidingyourwordsintosentence“slots.”

Writeakernel,thenaddsinglewordsorphrases—onlyprepositionalphrases,fornow—orboth,tothesubjectorthepredicateslots,orboth.Trytopayattentiontotheboundarybetweenthesubjectandthepredicateslots.

BoundModifiers

Whenweaddmodifierswithinasyntacticslot—thatis,tothesubjectorpredicateofthesentence—thosemodifiersareknownasboundmodifiers.Theyarecalled“bound”becausetheyarefixedinplaceinasentence;theycannottypicallybeplacedelsewhereinthesentencewithoutdistortingitsmeaning.

YouprobablyrememberfromChapter10that,dependingontheverbbeingused,thepredicateslotcanoftencontainoneortwoslotsinadditiontotheone

containingthemainverb.Eachoneoftheseslotscanalsobeelaboratedwithboundmodifiers.Forinstance,here’sakernel:

JoegaveJennyabracelet.

Nowhere’sthekernelwithelaborationinthefourthslot:

Joe//gave/Jenny/asilverbraceletfromhisgrandmother’sjewelrycase.

Inthissecondversionthefourthslotcontainsthedirectobject,“bracelet,”whichismodifiedintwoways:withthesingleadjectivesilverinsertedintothenounphrase(abracelet)andwiththeprepositionalphrase(fromhisgrandmother’sjewelrycase)placedafterthenounphrase,asilverbracelet.

Likeprepositionalphrases,participialphrasescanbeboundmodifiers,asinthisexample:Hewasatimidmanhidingbehindabravesmile.(Hidingbehindabravesmileisanadjectivephrasemodifyingman.)

Practice:ElaborationUsingBoundModifiersinAllSlots

Writesomekernelsentencesmakinguseoftwo,three,orfourslots.Thenelaborateeachonewithboundmodifiers,usingbothsinglewordsandphrases,asyoulike.

Whatdoyounotice?

BoundModifiersandPunctuation

Oneofthethingsyoumayhavenoticedinfoolingaroundwithboundmodifiersisthattheydon’trequireyoutouseinternalsentencepunctuation.Whyisthisso?

Wedon’tuseinternalpunctuation(unlessthere’salistinvolved)becauseourbrainscanrecognizetheboundarybetweenoneslotandanotherwithoutpunctuation.Aswe’veseen,ourbrainsareusedtotakinginsentencematerial,notonewordatatime,butingroupsofwordsthat“gotogether.”Ourbrains

recognizethattheboundariesofslotsmarkthemainsegmentsofasentence.Soevenif,inreadingaloud,wemightpausebetweenthesubjectortheverb,orbetweentheverbandthedirectobject,wedon’tneedtoputpunctuationatthoseboundariesunlessweareaddingotherwordsorphrasesbetweentheboundaries—atechniquewe’llgettoinjustamoment.Wecantrustthatourreaderswillknowthatoneslothasendedandanotheronehasbegun;that’sbecause,likeus,theyaretotallyfamiliarwiththebasicsentencepatternsofEnglish.

BoundModifiers:TheFlexibleAdverbial

Somethingelseyoumayhavenoticedinplayingwithboundmodifiersisthatsomeadverbialmodifierscan,infact,bemovedtoadifferentplaceinthesentencewithoutchangingitsmeaning.Infact,adverbialssofrequentlyappearattheendofasentence,oratthebeginning—thatis,notinsidetheverbslot—thatsomewritersonsyntaxsuggestthereisafifthsyntacticslot,whichtheycalltheoptionaladverbialslot.Ifyouprefertoconsideradverbialsinthisway,gorightahead.

Here’sanexample:

Iatelunchatnoon.

AtnoonIatelunch.

Flexibleadverbialsareanimportanttoolforcreatingsentencedrama,asubjectwe’llexplorelaterinthischapter.

TheProsUseBoundModifiers

Toelaboratesentenceswithboundmodifierscomesnaturallytous,andthistechniquecanoftengivepowerfulresults,especiallywhenwechooseouraddedmodifierswithcare.

JacobSaintwassittingathisultra-moderndeskinhisultra-modernchair.Acubisticlamplitupthetightrollsoffatatthebackofhisneck.…Wreathsofcigarsmokeroseabovehispinkhead.

—NgaioMarsh,EnteraMurderer

AllthattheunsuspectingBilbosawthatmorningwasanoldmanwithastaff.Hehadatallpointedbluehat,alonggreycloak,asilverscarf…andimmenseblackboots.

—J.R.R.Tolkien,TheHobbit

Thesmellofmothballscamefromapyramidofhatboxespiledupbesidethewashstand.

—BruceChatwin,OntheBlackHill

Canyounamethesemodifiersassinglewordsorphrases?Oneofthethingsyouwillnoticeisthatphrasesoften“nest”insideotherphrases.Forinstance,inthefirstexample,offatatthebackofhisneckisanadjectivalphrasemodifyingrolls,whileatthebackofhisneckisanadjectivalphrasemodifyingfatandofhisneckisanadjectivalphrasemodifyingback.Ifthisseemsconfusingtoyou,tryextricatingoneofthephrasesandapplyingittooneoftheothernounsandyou’llseethatthesentencenolongermakessense.Acubisticlamplitupthetightrollsofhisneck?No,ourmindscan’tmakesenseofthat.

Practice:UsingBoundModifiers

Imitatetheuseofboundmodifiersintheabovesentences(orsentencesfromyourfavoritewriter).Rememberthat,forthetimebeing,weareconsideringonlysinglewordsandphrasesasmodifiers.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

TheLimitationsofBoundModifiers

Boundmodifiersareusefultools;and,likeanytool,theycanbereliedupontoomuch.Thesedaysit’scommonforwriters(especiallyofacademicor

bureaucraticprose)to“loadtheirslots”(especiallythesubjectslotandthecomplement/directobjectslot)withmodifiers.Here’sanexample:

Anelementofasharedsymbolicsystemwhichservesasacriterionorstandardforselectionamongthealternativesoforientationwhichare

intrinsicallyopeninasituationmaybecalledavalue…

Ifwetrytostripthissentencedowntoabasickernel(difficulttodo!),wegetAnelementmaybecalledavalue.Asidefromtheabstractandgenerallanguagebeingusedhere,themainproblemwiththeoriginalsentenceisthewaywordsandphrasesare“stuffed”intothesubjectslot:Justlookathowlongittakesthissentencetogettoitsverb!

Ifyouaddboundmodifierstoanounphraseoraverbphrase,youmakethatslotlonger.Becausethereisnopunctuation(exceptbetweenitemsinalist,asintheTolkienexampleabove),therearenoplacesintheslotwherethereadercantakeamentalbreath.Thelongeraslotis,thelongerareaderhastowaittogettothenextslot;thereforethelongershehastowaittoputthewholesentencetogether:Theboyinthebluehatwholivesnextdoorinthewhitehousewiththegreenshuttersandtheredroofisverynice.

Skilledwritersneverwritelikethis.Instead,theyuseanothertechniqueformodification:freemodifiers.

The“When”ofElaboratingaKernel2:ElaboratingwithFreeModifiersWhileelaboratingyourkernelswithboundmodifiersisausefultechnique,beingabletouseanotherkindofmodifier—calledfreemodifiers—isevenmoreuseful.That’sbecausefreemodifiersenableustoaddinformationtoasentence,notby“stuffingtheslots,”butbykeepingthekernel(alsoknownasthebaseclause)relativelyintactandelaboratingit.Freemodifierscandothisbecausetheyare

1

almostalwayssetofffromtheslotsofthesentencebypunctuation.Youcanremovefreemodifiers(alsocallednonrestrictivemodifiers)fromasentenceandbeleftwithastructurallysoundandmeaningfulkernel.Freemodifierscanmodifyasinglewordoraphraseactingasasinglecontentpartofspeech;lessfrequently,theymodifyanentirekernel.

Thekeytoworkingwithfreemodifiersistokeepinmindthebasicstructureofkernels:nounornounphrase+verborverbphrase.(Whenfreemodifiersareaddedtoakernel,usuallythesubjectofthesentenceisaphrase,andthepredicateisaphrase.)Freemodifiersdonotinterruptthesephrases;theyaddtothem.

Thereareanumberofverbalstructuresthatcanbeusedasfreemodifiers.Herewewillconcentrateonlyonphrases,especiallyprepositionalphrasesandparticipialphrases.(Singlewordscanalsobeusedasfreemodifiers,butmorerarelythanphrasesandotherstructures.)Lateron,we’lllookatotherstructuresasfreemodifiers.

WhereFreeModifiersCanGoInthebasickernelpattern—nounphrase(subject)+verbphrase(predicate)—therearethreeplaceswherewecanplacefreemodifiers:

1. beforethesubject,tosetupthecorestatementmadebythekernel2. betweenthesubjectandthepredicate3. afterthepredicate,tokeepthesentencemovingforward

Whenweelaborateakernelsentencewithfreemodifiers,weareaddingthesemodifyingwordsorphrasesoutsideofsyntacticslots.So,unlikeboundmodifiers,whicharestuckinsideslots,freemodifierscanoftenbemovedaroundtodifferentplacesinasentence.Freemodifiersthusgivewritersthefreedomtoconstructasentenceinanumberofdifferentways,dependingonthe

effectstheywanttocreate.Freemodifiers,then,areoneofawriter’smostusefultools.

HowFreeModifiersWork

Supposeyouhavethiskernelsentence:Thecowsstandinthefield.Supposeyouwanttoaddmoreinformation,likethefactthatthecowsarechewingtheircud.Youcouldrewritethesentenceaddingthatnewinformationinaparticipialphrase:Thecowsstandinthefield,chewingtheircud.Youmightalsorewritethesentenceplacingtheparticipialphrasebeforethesubject:Chewingtheircud,thecowsstandinthefield.It'sevenpossibletoputtheparticipialphraseinbetweenthesubjectandtheverb:Thecows,chewingtheircud,standinthefield.

Somewritersongrammarcallasentencethatopenswithoneormorefreemodifiersa“left-branchingsentence,”onethatendswithfreemodifiersa“right-branchingsentence,”andonewiththefreemodifiersbetweensubjectandverba“mid-branchingsentence.”Iprefertothinkoffreemodificationintermsoftime:Whatdoyouwantthereadertotakeinfirst?Whatdoyouwanthimtotakeinsecond?Third?

Freemodifiers,likeothersentenceelements,canonlybearrangedinwaysthatmakesense,soitisn'talwayspossibletoplaceanyparticularfreemodifierinanyoneofthethreepositions(beforethesubject,aftertheverb,betweensubjectandverb).Nonetheless,freemodificationopensupaworldofpossibilitiesforsentenceconstruction.

Practice:FreeModifiers

Writesomekernels,notingthesubjectandpredicateforeachone.Nowtryaddingsomeadjectiveoradverbphrasestoyourkernels,asfreemodifiers.Experimentwithdifferentkindsofphrases.Tryputtingyourfreemodifiersintodifferentplacesinyoursentences.Dothesentencesstillmakesense?Howdotheysound?Whicharrangementdoyouprefer?Why?

FreeModifiersfromthePros

Skilledwritersmakefrequentuseoffreemodifiers.Herearesomeexamples:

Lazyandindifferent,shakingspaceeasilyfromhiswings,knowinghisway,theheronpassesoverthechurchbeneaththesky.

—VirginiaWoolf,“MondayorTuesday”

“Yousurpriseme,”saidFrank,yawningdrearily,wantingadrinkmorethananythingintheworld.

—ElizabethBowen,“TheNeedlecase”

[Thesnow]hadcomefromthenorth,inthemist,drivenbythenightwind,smellingofthesea.

—JohnleCarré,TheLookingGlassWar

Witharattleofchains,atrembleofengines,ablastofsiren,thelinersweptroundinahalf-circletopointintotheStraitsoncemore.

—HelenMacInnes,DecisionatDelphi

Practice:IdentifyandImitateFreeModifiers

Selectoneormoreoftheexamplesabove(orsomesentencesfromawriterofyourchoice).Readeachsentencealoud,listeningfirstforthekernelofthesentence.Readitagain,listeningnowforthefreemodifiers.Notice,first,thekindoffreemodifierbeingused(singlewordorphrase;compoundphrase,prepositionalphrase,participialphrase).Thennoticewhereinthesentencethefreemodifiersareadded.

Nowseeifyoucanrewritethesentence,puttingitsfreemodifier(s)inadifferentplace.Doesthesentencestillmakesense?(Ifnot,thenyoucan’twritethesentencethatway.)Howdoesitsoundtoyounow?Whichversiondoyouprefer?

Nowtakeoneormoreofthesesentencesandimitateitsstructure:Thatis,imitatethekindoffreemodifierbeingusedandtheplaceinthesentencewherethewriterhasaddedit.

Understandingthetechniqueofelaboratingbasicsentencesinbetweensyntacticslotswilldramaticallyexpandyourrepertoireofwaystoconstructsentences.Iencourageyoutospendasmuchtimeasyoucaninvestigatingandpracticingthistechnique.Themoreyoustudyandpractice,theeasieritwillbeforyourwordmindtomakechoiceswhenyouwriteandrevise.

Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers

Writeakernelsentence.Writeitagainandaddoneormorefreemodifiersatthebeginning.Writeitagainandaddoneormorefreemodifiersattheend.Writeitagainandaddoneormorefreemodifiersinthemiddle.Whatdoyounotice?

FreeModifiersandPunctuation

Inordertomakeclearthataphraseisservingasafreemodifier,itmustbesetoffbypunctuation:typicallycommasordashes;sometimesparenthesesorellipses.

Thoseflexibleadverbialphrasesdiscussedabovecanalsobeconsideredfreemodifiersbecausetheycanbemovedaroundinasentence.But,unlikeotherfreemodifiers,whichmustbesetoffbypunctuation,theseadverbialssometimesdon’thavetobe.Forexample,inthesentenceAtlastthedayarrived,wecouldaddacommaaftertheword“last,”butwedon’thaveto,because,evenwithoutthecomma,readerswillstillknowhowtophrasethesentence.

FreeModifiersandClearCommunication

Freemodifiersenableustoaddmoreinformationanddetailstooursentencesinawaythatmakesiteasyforourreaderstoprocessthem.Rememberthatthe

readerisalwaysmovingforwardthroughasentence.Youdonotwanthertohavetogobackandreread(unlessshe’sthinkingWhatagreatsentencethatwas!Ijusthavetoreaditagain!).Freemodifiersletuswritelongersentenceswithoutconfusingourreaders.

Sowhenwearedecidingwhereinasentencetoplaceourfreemodifiers,themostimportantthingweneedtoconsideristhis:Doesoursentencemakesense?

Becausefreemodifiersaresomobile,writerssometimesfailtokeepthisprincipleinmind.

TheDangersofFreeModifiers

Herearesomesentencesusingfreemodifiers.Readthemandnoteyourreaction:

AtthenewChineserestaurant,youcantryadeliciousporkdish.Thinlyslicedandtoppedwithaspecialsauce,foodloverswon’tbedisappointed.

Aftereatingafour-coursedinner,aconcertwasgiven.

Didthesesentencesmakeyoulaugh?Why?Theansweristhatineachsentenceamodifyingphrasehasbeenaddedin

thewrongplace,creatingtheimpressionthatitmodifiesawordthatcommonsensetellsusitcan’tpossiblymodify.Foodloverscan’tbe“thinlysliced,”norcanaconcerteata“four-coursedinner.”

Whenamodifierisplacedinthewrongspotinasentence,grammarianscallita“misplacedmodifier”ora“danglingmodifier.”Toavoidsuchgrammaticalerrors,makesuretoreadyoursentencesoutloud,slowly,andnoticewhetheryouhaveinsertedyourfreemodifiersinaplacethatcreatesnonsense.Rememberthatmodifiers,tomakesense,needtobeplacedsothattheirconnectionwiththenounorverbtheymodifyisabsolutelyclear.

FreeModifiersandSentenceDrama

Ouroptionsforplacinganygivenfreemodifierinaparticularkernelarealwayslimitedbycommonsense:There’snopointintryingtoputamodifiersomeplaceinasentencewhereitdistortsthemeaning.Butwithinthelimitsimposedbymeaning,freemodifiersprovideuswithoptionsformovingoursentencesforwardandcreatingdramathroughsentencestructure.

Forinstance,takethiskernel:

Thedogranaway.

Now,supposewewantedtoaddanadverbialphrase:onecoldnight.Wecouldplacethatphrasebeforethesubject:Onecoldnightthedogran

away.Orwecouldplaceitattheendofthesentence:Thedogranawayonecold

night.Wemightevenbeabletoputitinbetweenthesubjectandthepredicate:

Thedog,onecoldnight,ranaway.Allthesesentencesmakesense.Butwhichonecreatesthemostdrama?

Whichonedoyouthinkwillbestkeepareader’sattention?Naturallyourchoicedependsonourfocus,andonthesentencesthat

precedeandfollowoursamplesentence.Butlet’sassumethatwe’rewritingaboutthedog.Tomyear,then,theversionofoursamplesentencethathasthemostdramaistheonethatusesthefreemodifiertosetthescene:

Onecoldnightthedogranaway.

Tryreadingthethreeversionsofthesentenceoutloud.Whichonesoundsmostdramatictoyou?

Inthisexamplewe’redealingwiththatflexibleadverbialconstructionwelookedatearlier.(Grammariansdon’tconsiderthisstructureafreemodifier,but

initsmobility,itactslikeone.)Thereareotherways,too,thatwecancreatedramainoursentencesusing

freemodifiers.Supposewehavethissentence:Theystruggledalongtherocky,winding,treacherouspath.Ifwewantto,wecantaketheseadjectives(boundmodifiers)andcombinethemintoanadjectivephrase,andthenrewritethesentence,usingtheadjectivephraseasafreemodifier:Theystruggledalongthepath,rockyandwindingandtreacherous.Readthesesentencesoutloud.Whichonehasmoredrama,toyourear?

Participialphrasesasfreemodifierscanalsogiveusatoolforcreatingdrama.Considerthissentence:Holdingouthishand,smilingbroadly,thestrangerapproachedher.Nowconsiderthisversion:Thestrangerapproachedher,holdingouthishand,smilingbroadly.Thesesentencesarebothgrammaticallycorrect,buttheypresentthesameinformationindifferentorders.Readthetwoversionsaloud,listeningtotheorderoftheinformation.Whichonesoundsbettertoyou?Whichoneismoredramatic?

Now,creatingdramainoursentencesmaynotalwaysbeourgoal.But,ifitis,freemodifiersareoneofourbesttools.Throughfreemodifierswecandecidewhentogivereadersinformation;wecanbuildsuspenseandanticipation.

Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers

Writesomekernelsandelaborateeachonewithfreemodifiers,aimingtocreatedramainthesentence.

FreeModifiersand“Flow”

Freemodifiersalsohelpuscreate“flow,”orcohesion,inourwriting.Inotherwords,theyhelpusmoveourreaders’mindsforwardfromonesentencetothenext.

Take,forinstance,thesethreeversionsofthesamesentence:

Withthegraceofaballerina,thecatleapedontothetable.

Thecat,withthegraceofaballerina,leapedontothetable.

Thecatleapedontothetablewiththegraceofaballerina.

Listentothesepossibilities.Useyourwriter’sear.Whichonedoyouprefer?Listenforsense.Listenfordrama.Andnow,listenformovement—forhow

eachsentencemightmovethereader’smindforwardtoanothersentence.Whatmightthatsentencesay?

Remembertheprinciplementionedearlierthatsentencesmovefromknowninformationtounknowninformation.Accordingtothatprinciple,the“new”informationinasentencecomesattheend,whichmakestheendofasentenceaplaceofemphasis.Followingthisprinciple,itseemstomethatthefirsttwosentences,endingupwith“thetable”directthereader’smindthere.Iwouldexpectthefollowingsentencetosaysomethingmoreaboutthetable,oraboutwhatthecatfound,ordid,there.Thethirdsentence,though,endswith“ballerina,”andsoIwouldexpectthefollowingsentencetosaymoreaboutthecat’sballerina-likequalitiesorbehavior.

Ishouldcautionyouthatwhatwearediscussinghereisverymuchoutsidetherealmofwriting“rules.”Allthreewaysofwritingthesentenceare“correct.”Whichoneis“right,”though,dependsontheparticularpurposeoftheindividualwriter.

Freemodifiersgiveyouatooltomakeyourownchoices,choicesthatwillcontributetoyourownstyle.Iurgeyoutoexperiment,andtostudyhowwritersyoulikeusefreemodifierstomovethereader’smindfromonesentencetothenext.

Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers

Writeakernelandelaborateitwithoneormorefreemodifiers.Rewritethesentence,puttingthefreemodifiersindifferentplaces(withinthelimitsofsense).Nowtakeafewofthesesentencesandwriteasentenceortwoaftereach

ofthem.Doesyourwritinggoinadifferentdirection,dependingonwhereyouputthefreemodifiersinyouroriginalsentence?

FreeModifiersandSentenceRhythm

Therearemanytoolstocreatesentencerhythm,andfreemodifiersareoneofthem.Thelengthofafreemodifyingphrase,andwhereit’sinsertedintoasentencekernel,bothcontributetotherhythmofasentence;sodoeshowmanymodifyingphrasesthesentencecontains.Toborrowatermfrommusiccomposition,freemodifiersenableusto“phrase”oursentences.Theyletourwritingbreathe.(We’llspendmoretimeonthislater.)

Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers

Writesomekernelsandelaboratethemwithfreemodifiers,usingyoureartolistentotherhythmsyouarecreating.Whatdoyounotice?

Nowcopysomesentencesusingfreemodifiersfromoneofyourfavoritewriters.Readthesentencesoutloud,payingattentiontotherhythmthatiscreatedbythenumberoffreemodifiers,theirlength,andwheretheyareplacedinthesentences.Writeyourownsentencesimitatingthisrhythm.

Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers

Writesomesentencesusingfreemodifiers,withoutconstructingkernelsfirst.(Keepthekernelpatterninmind,though).Experimentwithputtingthemodifiersindifferentplacesinthesentences.Tryusingmorethanonefreemodifierinasentence.Play,andseewhathappens!

Practice:RevisewithFreeModifiers

Takeapassagefromyourownworkandrewriteitusingfreemodifiers.

Practice:WriteSentenceswithBoundandFreeModifiers

Practicemakingsentencesthatcontainbothboundandfreemodifiers.Playwithusingbothboundandfreemodifiersasyouwriteandrewriteapieceofyourown.

TheValueofFreeModifiers

Theuseoffreemodifiersisoneofthemarksofaskilledwriter.Onewriteronstylesays,“[The]preservationofthekernel,orasuccinctbaseclauseofsomekind,amidelaboratefreemodification,isoneofthemostimportantlessonsany

writercanmaster.”Sheadds,“Freemodificationisabsolutelyessential.” Whenyoucanusefreemodifiersaswellasboundmodifiers,youavoidthepitfallof“loadingtheslots,”andallkindsofstylisticchoicesbecomeavailabletoyou.Youhavemorethanonewayofsayingwhatyouwanttosay;youhaveapowerfultoolforcreatingdramaandrhythmwithyoursentences.And,inmakingthesechoices,youcreateyourownindividualstyle.

Lateron,we’llexaminesomeothersentenceelementsthatcanbeusedasfreemodifiers.Now,though,we’lltakealookattwoespeciallyusefulones:theappositiveandthenominativeabsolute.

WhatIsanAppositive?Anappositiveisadifferentkindoffreemodifierfromtheoneswe’vebeenplayingwithsofar.Unliketheadjectiveandadverbphraseswe'veexplored,thiskindoffreemodifierisusuallyanounphrase.(Skilledwritersalsouseadjectiveorevenverbphrasesasappositives,butwe’llstickwithnounphrasestobeginwith.)

Sofarwe’veencounterednounphrasesinfiverolesinsentences:asthesubject(Mybrother’snameisJoe.);asthecomplementofbeoralinkingverb(Joewasthehappykidinthefamily.);asthedirectobjectofatransitiveverb(Thecatatetheleftoverpizza.);astheindirectobjectofatransitiveverb(Dickgavetheblackcattheleftoverpizza.);astheobjectofaprepositionoraverbal(Wewenttoourgrandfather’sfarm,wherewepracticedmilkingacow.).Toactasanappositivegivesnounphrasesonemoreroletoplay.

Whenanounphrasetakesontheroleofanappositive,itusuallyarrivesverysoonafteranothernounphrase.Thefirstnounphraseisknownasthe

2

antecedentoftheappositive.Mostofthetime,theappositiveservestorenametheantecedent,asinthisexample:

CindyAlexander,mybestfriend,wonthescholarship.

HerethenounphrasemybestfriendfollowsthenounphraseCindyAlexanderandrenamesit.Notethattheappositiveissetoffbycommas—andthatitcanberemovedfromthesentenceandthesentencewillstillmakesense.

Appositivesgiveusanopportunitytoinsertmoreinformationaboutnounsintooursentenceswithouthavingto“loadslots.”Italsogivesusanotheroptionforwheretoplaceinformation.Appositionisakindofjuxtaposition,aplacingofonethingnextto,ornear,somethingelse.Skilledwritersspendtimeconsideringwhereinasentenceinformationisbestplaced;appositionprovidesanothertoolformakingmeaningclearandforcreatingeffects.

Appositivesneedtobesetofffromtherestofthesentencewithpunctuation—usuallycommasordashes,butsometimesbyparenthesesoracolon.Sometimeswritersmakeuseofsentencefragmentsasappositives.(SeetheChristiein"OtherKindsofAppositives.")

SomeUsesofApposition

Whatcanwedowithapposition?Wecanuseappositionasaformofrepetition,toemphasizeorcallattention

tosomething:

Stevemadeabadjoke,areallyterriblejoke.

Inadditiontocreatingemphasis,appositionusedinthiswaycanactasaspringboardforthewritertoaddmoredetails:

Stevemadeabadjoke,areallyterriblejoke,ajokesooffensivethatCindydecidedtobreakupwithhimrightthen.

Wecanalsousetheappositiveasakindofsynonymfortheantecedent.Thisisparticularlyhelpfulwhenthesubjectofthesentenceisapronoun.Forinstance:

Hewalkedintotheroom,amanfullofhisownimportance.

Sometimeswecanuseanappositiveatthebeginningofasentence,tosetitup:

Thelastkidtomaketheteam,Tommyneverplayedasinglegame.

Appositivescansometimesbeplacedinthemiddleofasentence,too.Forinstance:

ThedogJuliefound—acockerspanielwithsadeyes—isdevotedtoher.

Aswithotherfreemodifiers,wecanuseappositivestocreatedrama,cohesion,andrhythminoursentences.

PracticewithAppositives

Writesomekernels.Nowaddappositivenounphrasestoeachofthem.Experimentwiththeplacementoftheseappositives.Whatdoyounotice?

TheProsUseAppositives

1.Appositiveassynonym

WhensheleftEnglandthelawyer,anoldmanandanoldfriend,hadpattedherhand.

—W.SomersetMaugham,UpattheVilla

Everywherehesawsignsofilboom—thesurgeinwealthandliteracythatwastransformingItaly.

—JessWalter,BeautifulRuins

Beyondtheopenwindowshecouldseethepale,cloudlesssky,heraldofaperfectday.

—RosamundePilcher,“SpanishLadies”

2.Appositiveasaspringboardfordevelopment

Onceuponatimetherewasabat—alittlelightbrownbat,thecolorofcoffeewithcreaminit.

—RandallJarrell,TheBatPoet

Thiswasthegenerationwhosegirlsdramatizedthemselvesasflappers,thegenerationthatcorrupteditseldersandeventuallyoverreacheditselflessthroughlackofmoralsthanthroughlackoftaste.

—F.ScottFitzgerald,TheCrack-Up

PracticeAppositiveswiththePros

Usetheexamplesabove(orfindsomeofyourownfromprofessionalwriters)togetideasabouthowtouseappositives.Imitatethewayinwhichyourchosenwriterhasusedanappositive.

OtherKindsofAppositives

Sometimeswritersusestructuresotherthannounphrasesasappositives.Forinstance,awritermayuseasappositivesadjectiveoradverbphrases.(Appositiveadjectivalsareplacedafterthenountheymodify.)

Mrs.Bantry’svoice,breathlessandagitated,cameoverthewire.—AgathaChristie,TheBodyintheLibrary

Shehadaroundandfreckledface,darkbrowneyes,andreddishhair,abundantandthickandwindblown.

—RosamundePilcher,“MissCameronatChristmas”

Theystoodbythedoor,thefourofthem,wavingandwavinguntilthepedlar,withhispack,hiscudgelandhismastiff,hadwalkedoutofSwaffham;outofsight.

—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThePedlarofSwaffham”

Sometimeswritersevenuseverbsasappositives:

He’dhadenough,couldstickitnolonger.—J.L.Carr,AMonthintheCountry

Withoutitshewouldbelost,wouldprobablyburstintotearsandbeunabletostopcryingfortherestoftheday.

—RosamundePilcher,“SpanishLadies”

MorePracticewithAppositives

Experimentwithdifferentkindsofappositives.Lookatwritersyouliketoseehowtheyuseappositives,andimitatewhattheydo.Tryputtingappositivesbeforethesubject,inbetweenthesubjectandpredicate,afterthepredicate.Whatdoyounotice?Oneofthethingsyoumaynoticeisthatappositivesletyouopenupasentenceandmoveitforward,especiallywhenplacedafterthepredicate.

Onceyou’vebecomecomfortableusingappositives,youmaywanttotryoutanothereffectivetechnique,thenominativeabsolute.

WhatIsaNominativeAbsolute?

Anominativeabsolute(alsoknownasanabsolute)isanounphraseusedasasentencemodifier.Oneofthemostusefulofthemodifyingstructures,itisalmostacompletesentence,soitletsyouaddalotofinformationordetailtoakernel.Anominativeabsolutemustbeginwithanoun,whichcannotbethesameasthesubjectofthesentencetowhichit’sadded.Herearefivewaystoconstructnominativeabsolutephrases:

1. nounornounphrase+adjective:Theman,hisheadbowed,mutteredtohimself.

2. nounornounphrase+presentparticiple:Thedog,itstailwaggingmadly,rantomeethim.

3. nounornounphrase+pastparticiple:Thecat,clawsunsheathed,hissedatthepuppy.

4. nounornounphrase+prepositionalphrase:Handsinhispockets,theboystaredather.

5. nounornounphrase+nounornounphrase:Thewoman,herhairanunrulymassofcurls,satbeforethemirror.

Likeotherfreemodifiers,absolutephrasescanoftenbemovedtoanotherplaceinthesentence;likeotherfreemodifiers,theycanhelpyoucreatedrama,suspense,andrhythm.

PracticewithNominativeAbsolutes

Followingtheformulasgivenabove,tryconstructingshortsentencesthatcontainabsolutephrases.Ifyoufindthisdifficult,concentrateononeformulaatatime,untilyou’vemasteredit.Experimentwithmovinganabsolutephrasetodifferentplacesinyoursentence.Whathappens?

TheProsUseNominativeAbsolutes

IhadcomeoutofthedarkshopdoorwayintothedazzleoftheDamascussun,myarmsfullofsilks.

—MaryStewart,TheGabrielHounds

Shewaited,thelinesinherfacedeepenedbyherannoyance,andatlastsheswungthedoorfullyopentoletFennerstepinside.

—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

PracticeNominativeAbsoluteswiththePros

Findexamplesofnominativeabsolutesintheworkofyourfavoritewriter,orusetheonesabove,andimitatethesesentences.

MixingItUpwithModifiers

Makealistofallthekindsofmodifiersyou’velearnedaboutinthischapter.Nowwritesomesentencesusingmorethanonekind.Experimentwithusingmodifyingwordsandphrasestocreatedrama,suspense,andrhythm.Findsentencesyoulikefromtheworksofyourfavoritewritersandimitatetheirstructure.(Seesidebar.)

Ihavementionedthatwecanusestructuresotherthanphrasesasmodifiers.Beforeweexplorehowtodothat,wewilltemporarilyleavemodifiersandthetechniquesofelaboratingasinglekernelandturn,inthenextchapter,totechniquesofcombiningkernels.

TakeTimetoReflect

Beforeyouturntothenextchapter,takesometimetothinkaboutwhatyouhavelearnedinthisone.Whatdoyouwanttopracticenow?Arethereanytechniquesyouneedtoreviewbeforemovingon?Rememberthatyouareonyourown

learningjourney,andyoumaywanttospendmoretimewiththematerialinthischapterbeforemovingahead.

HowtoImitatetheStructureofaSentenceYoucan,ifyoulike,imitateasentencebyaprofessionalwriterentirelybyear:Readitaloudseveraltimesandthenimitatetherhythmofthesentencestructure.Butyou’lllearnalotmoreifyoufirstconsciouslytakethemodelsentenceapartandnameitsconstituentstructures,likethis:

Modelsentence:Mrs.Bantry’svoice,breathlessandagitated,cameoverthewire.

1.Identifythekernel:Mrs.Bantry’svoicecameoverthewire.2.Identifythepartsofthekernel:S=Mrs.Bantry’svoice,P=

cameoverthewire(Sidentifiesthesubjectofthesentence;Pidentifiesthepredicate.Usuallythepredicatecanbebrokendownfurther,ashere:P=V[verb=came]+ADV[adverbialphrase=overthewire])

Ifyouareatthestageinyourpracticingwhereyouwanttopracticeonlykernels,thenforgetabouttherestofyourmodelsentenceandimitatethekernelpatternitexemplifies:S+V+adverbial.Inthiscase,youcan,ifyouwish,enhanceyourpracticebylookingmorecloselyatthecomponentsofthekernelsentence.You’llseethatherethesubjectofthemodelsentenceisanounphraseconsistingofapossessivepropernounandanothernoun,andthattheadverbialisaprepositionalphrase.Youmightthenwritethepatternyouwanttopracticethisway:

Nounphrase(possessivepropernoun+noun)+verbphrase(verb+prepositionalphraseasadverb)

Nowyouhaveamorespecificpatterntopractice.3.Identifytheboundmodifier(s):inthiscase,Mrs.Bantry’s.4.Identifythefreemodifier(s):here,breathlessandagitated—

andnametheconstructionandtherolethemodifierisplaying(inthiscase,acompoundadjectivephraseservingasanappositiveandmodifyingvoice).Noticewhetherthefreemodifierislocatedbeforethesubject,betweenthesubjectandpredicate,orafterthepredicate.

5.Writethepatternyouwanttopractice:Forexample,basedonthismodel,youcouldextractthispattern:

Subject+twoappositiveadjectivesinacompoundphrase+predicate

6.Rememberthatyouhavechoicesabouthowspecificyouwantyourimitationtobe:Youshouldmakeyourchoicebasedonwhatyouneedtofocusoninyourpracticingrightnow.So,ifyouarejuststartingtoworkwithappositives,youmightwanttousethepatternin#5.Yoursentencewillthenimitatetheoverallstructureofyourmodelbutperhapsnotthedetails.Forinstance,followingthepatternin#5,youmightwritesomethinglikethis:Theboys,laughingandshouting,chasedthedog.Ifyouwantedyoursentencetobeamoreexactcopyofthemodel,thenyouwouldneedtomakethepatternyouextractfromyourmodelmoredetailed,likethis:

Subject(nounphrase=possessivenounasadjective+noun)+appositiveadjectivesincompoundphrase+predicate(verb+adverbialprepositionalphrase)

Butmostofthetime,youcanlearntheskillsyouneedbyfocusingonthelargerelementsofsentencestructure(asin#5).

7.Don’tgetaheadofyourself:Makesurethatyouhaveasolidgraspofthesimplerstructuresbeforemovingontomorecomplexones.

1 …maybecalledavalue…TalcottParsons,quotebyRichardA.Lanham,Style:AnAnti-Textbook,p.106.

2 …isabsolutelyessential.VirginiaTufte,GrammarasStyle,pp.39-40.

Chapter12

ExtendingtheBasicSentence

Onlyconnect.—E.M.Forster

Sofarwehavebeenfoolingaroundwithtechniquesthatallowustoelaborateasinglekernelsentencebyaddingtoitwordsorphrasesthatactasmodifiers,eitherboundorfree.Nowlet’sturntoanotheressentialwayofaddingmorematerialtoasinglesentence:bycombiningitwithothersentences.Inordertolearnhowtodothis,weneedtoaddonemoregrammaticaltermtoourvocabulary:thewordclause.

ExtendingtheBasicSentence1:AddingTogetherIndependentClauses

Anindependentclauseisagroupofwordsthatcanstandaloneasacompletesentence;thatis,itcontainsbothasubjectandapredicate.Thesentenceswehavebeenconstructingsofarareallindependentclauses:Kernelsandelaboratedkernelsarebothindependentclauses.(Asentencemadeupofonlyoneindependentclauseisalsoknownasasimplesentence.)

Independentclausescanbeaddedtogethertomakelongersentences:

“ThereweretwobrothersofminefishingandonedaytheywentawaytotheStates.Iwentdowntothepieronemorning,andIhadanoldbagofbooks,andIhadnouseforbooksatthattime,orschooling.Youknowwhat

Idid?Ithrewtheminsidethefenceandwentoutinthecurragh,thecanoe,andwhenIcamehomeintheevening,Ihadabagofpollocks—thepollockswasmyexchangeforthebooks.”

—IrishstorytellerTomasWalsh,quotedbyLawrenceMillman,OurLikeWillNotBeThereAgain

Toaddsentencestogetherinthiswaycomesnaturallytous—justlistentoanyyoungchildtellingastory:Andthenthelioncameandthentheliongrowledandthenthelionatethepig.Tocreatelongersentencesbyaddingtogethertwoormoreindependentclauses,weneedtouseaparticulargroupofconjunctionscalledcoordinatingconjunctions:and,but,for,or,nor,yet,andso.

Coordinatingconjunctionsjoinwordsorgroupsofwordsthatareequalinstructure:twonouns,forinstance,ortwoprepositionalphrases.Sotheseconjunctionsaretheonesweusewhenwewanttocombineindependentclauses.

Writersoffictionandnarrativenonfictionoftenuseandtojoinindependentclauses,thuscreatingforwardmotion,anarrativepace.

Therewasacrowdofkidswatchingthecar,andthesquarewashot,andthetreesweregreen,andtheflagshungontheirstaffs,anditwasgoodtogetoutofthesunandundertheshadeofthearcadethatrunsallaroundthesquare.

—ErnestHemingway,TheSunAlsoRises

Theyalsofrequentlymakeuseofandatthebeginningofsentences,tocreatecohesion.

[Honolulu]isthemeetingplaceofEastandWest.Theverynewrubsshoulderswiththeimmeasurablyold.Andifyouhavenotfoundtheromanceyouexpectedyouhavecomeuponsomethingsingularlyintriguing.

—W.SomersetMaugham,“Honolulu”

Practice:JoinIndependentClauses

Writeanumberofindependentclauses.Then,usingcoordinatingconjunctions,jointhemtogether,twoorthreeatatime.Readovertheselongersentences.Whatdoyounotice?

Perhapsyounoticedthatyouhadtostopandthinkaboutwhichcoordinatingconjunctiontouse.DoyouwanttowriteItwasraining,andwestayedhome?OrItwasraining,butwestayedhome?OrItwasraining,sowestayedhome?Yourchoicedependsonyourintendedmeaning.

Conjunctionslikeandorbutmayappeartolackmeaning,butyoumayfindasyouplaywiththemthatthisisnotthecase.It’sbeensuggestedthatandindicates“continuousandrepeatedaction,”whilebutsuggests“contrast,opposition,ornegation.”Anumberofwriters(OscarWilde,EdgarArlingtonRobinson,andothers)havebeennamedasthesourceofaquotethatsays,ineffect,“Ispenttheentiremorningputtinganandintomymanuscript,andtheentireafternoontakingitout.”Coordinatingconjunctionsmaybeshortwords,buttheyhavealotofpower!

Youmayalsohavenoticedthatcombiningthesameindependentclausesindifferentorderssometimesresultsindifferentmeanings.Forexample:Thetwodogsgrowledateachother,andthentheyfought.ThisisnotthesameasThetwodogsfought,andthentheygrowledateachother.Remember,always,thatyouareputtinggroupsofwordsintoyourreaders’mindsonegroupatatime.Theorderinwhichyoupresentthesegroupshelpsdeterminethesensereadersmakeoutofthem.Keepingthisprincipleinmindenablesyoutocraftsentencesthattakeyourreadersexactlywhereyouwantthemtogo.

Grammarianstellusthatwhenwejointwoindependentclauses,wemustpunctuatetheresultingsentencewithacommaafterthefirstindependentclause(beforetheconjunction).Professionalwriters,especiallywritersoffiction,often

choosetoignorethisrule,omittingtheconjunctionorusingotherpunctuationmarks.

JoiningIndependentClausesWithoutConjunctionsSometimesprofessionalwriterswillchoosetojoinindependentclausesbyusingpunctuationalone,withoutaconjunction.Thistechniqueiscalledasyndeton.(Asyndetoncanalsobeusedwithsinglewordsorphrases.)

Whenawritermakesuseofasyndeton,hecanjuxtaposetwoimagesorideaswithoutmakingexplicittheconnectionbetweenthem;hecancreateemphasis;andhecancreateaneffectofacceleratedmotionorintensity,orasenseofthingshappeningsimultaneously.Forinstance:

Icannotrest,Icannotstay,Icannotlingeranywhere.—CharlesDickens,AChristmasCarol

Ihurriedthroughthegreenwood.Ikickedleavesandtheycrackled,Istrokedgrassanditwassilk.

—KevinCrossley-Holland,“TheGreenChildren”

Oftenclausesputtogetherwithoutconjunctionsarekernels,orkernelsonlyslightlyelaborated.Tryingtoputtogetherlongerclausesusingasyndetonistrickier,and,ifyouattemptthis,youmayfindyourselfaccusedofhavingmadeagrammaticalerrorknownasthecommasplice.(Asyndetonwithclausesandthecommasplicerefertoexactlythesamething,sogrammarsnobsmayobjectnomatterwhat!)Todecidewhetheryouareusingasyndetonwell,youneedtoreadyoursentencesoutloudandlistentothem.Ifyouhaveagoodreasonforomittingtheconjunctionbetweentwoindependentclauses,thenyouwillbeabletojustifyyourchoice.

Asyndetoncanalsobeusedwithcompoundpredicates,asinthisexample:

Hehadremovedhisgrayjacket,hungitcarefullyoverthebackofhischair,slackenedhisdark-bluetie,loosenedhiswhitecollar.

—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

JoiningIndependentClauseswithOtherPunctuationOrdinarily,grammaticalconventiondemandsthatindependentclausesconnectedbypunctuationalonemustbejoinednotwithacomma,butwithasemicolon,adash,oracolon.Mostwriters,especiallyofnonfiction,followtheconvention—atleastmostofthetime.Forexample:

Billadjustedhistie;hesettledhishatmorefirmlyonhishead.

HeknewhewouldfindElaineatwork—sheneverleftearly.

Heplannedtotellherwhatwasonhismind:Shemightbethemurderer'snextvictim.

TheProsCombineIndependentClauses

1.Usingcoordinatingconjunctions:

Onceitwasthemiddleofwinter,andthesnowflakesfellfromtheskylikefeathers.

—RandallJarrell,Snow-White

JimmySinclairwastheremeetingusattheendofhisownbranchroad.ItisalyricallittleroadtoLyking,withagooddealofwindinginitandupsanddowns,andthatafternoonitwasgaywithtrefoilandbuttercups,daisies,cottonandspringyheather.

—GeorgeMackayBrown,NorthernLights

2.Usingcommas:

Thecolorsubsidedinhercheeks,hereyescouldmeethis,herprettyhands…wererelaxedashelithercigarette,sheevenlaughed.

—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

3.UsingDashes

Asifinadream,[Newton]walkedtowardstheGermanwithonlyoneoption—hehitthesoldierhardinthefacewithhisfistandthemancrumpledandfellunconscious.

—JohnNicholandTonyRennell,HomeRun:EscapefromNaziEurope

4.Usingsemicolons:

Theloudspeakerwashumming;itblaredsuddenly,fadedoutandbeganagain,properlytuned.

—JohnleCarré,TheLookingGlassWar

5.Usingsemicolonsandconjunctions:

Everyonethoughtthiswasaveryauspiciousbeginning;andtheywereright.

—RobinMcKinley,TheDoorintheHedge

6.Usingcolons:

ThetransitionfrompagantoChristianisthepointatwhichtheancientworldstilltouchesoursdirectly.Weareheirstoitsconclusion:oneitherside,participantssharedaneducationwhich,untilrecently,wewidelymaintained.

—RobinLaneFox,PagansandChristians

Practice:UsePunctuationtoJoinIndependentClauses

Experimentwithwritingindependentclausesandjoiningthemtogetherinthewaysdiscussedabove.

TheValueofJoiningIndependentClauses

Whenwejoinindependentclauses,wecreateacompoundsentence.Knowledgeofdifferentwaysofjoiningindependentclauseswillprovideyouwithmoreoptionsformakingsentences.Nowyou’llbeabletomakesentencesofdifferentlength,tocreaterhythmandvariety.You’llalsobeabletocreateeffectsbyusingshortandlongsentencestogether.

Compoundsentences,likesimplesentences,canbeplainorelaboratedwithmodifiers.Nowyouhavefourkindsofsentencesatyourdisposal:theplainkernel(orindependentclause);theelaboratedkernel;thecompoundsentence;andtheelaboratedcompoundsentence.

Practice:ElaboratedCompoundSentences

Writesomekernelsentencesandthencombinetwoormoreofthemintocompoundsentences.Nowrewriteoneormoreofthesecompoundsentences,elaboratingthemusinganyofthetechniquesyoulearnedinthelastchapter.Trywritingsomeelaboratedcompoundsentenceswithoutstartingfromkernels.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?

ExtendingtheBasicSentence2:AddingDependentClauses

There’sanotherwaytoextendthebasicsentencebesidesjoiningtwoormoreindependentclauses.Youcanaddtoyourbasicsentenceadifferentkindof

clause:adependentclause.Toaddtogethertwoindependentclausesistojointwogroupsofwordsof

equalimportance,twostructuresthateachhaveasubjectandapredicate:inotherwords,twokernelsortwoelaboratedkernels,oroneplainkernelandoneelaboratedone.Tojoinanindependentclauseandadependentclauseistodosomethingalittlebitdifferent:namely,tomakeoneclause“depend”(grammaticallyspeaking)onanother.

Thisprocessmaysoundconfusing,butinfactwemakesentencescontainingdependentclausesallthetimeinordinaryspeech:Ifshedoesn’tgetheresoon,I’mleaving.OrThemanyouwantistheonewhoiswearingthebrowncoat.Let’sseeifwecangetabetterunderstandingofwhatwearedoingwhenweconstructsuchsentences.

Adependentclause,likeanindependentone,hastocontainasubjectandapredicate;otherwiseitcouldn’tbeaclause.Butwhileit’seasytoidentifythesubjectandthepredicateinanindependentclause,andtounderstandatoncethatanindependentclausecanstandaloneasacompletesentence,suchidentificationishardertodowithdependentclauses.That’sbecausedependentclausesarealteredindependentclauses,andit’sthisalterationthatmakesthem“dependent”on—orsubordinateto—independentclauses.

Therearetwomainwaysthatweturnindependentclausesintodependentones:byusingsubordinatingconjunctions,andbyusingrelativepronouns.Whenwetakethefirstapproach,thedependentclauseswecreateareknownassubordinateclauses.Whenwetakethesecondapproach,thedependentclauseswecreateareknownasrelativeclauses.

MakingDependentClauses1:UsingSubordinatingConjunctionsSupposewehavetwoindependentclauses:Billfailedhisexam.Hisfatherwasdisappointed.Ifwejointhesetwoclauseswiththecoordinatingconjunction

and,wewillhavethissentence:Billfailedhisexam,andhisfatherwasdisappointed.Byjoiningtheclausesinthiswaywehavemadeaconnectionbetweenthemeaningofthefirstsentenceandthemeaningofthesecond.Tryreadingthesentenceoutloud.Howdoesitsoundtoyou?Perhapstoyourearitsoundsfine.Andcertainly,accordingtotherulesofgrammar,therearenogrammaticalerrorsinthissentence.Andyet…

Oneofthethingsthatprofessionalwritersdoistotry,asbesttheycan,tomakethemeaningoftheirsentencesabsolutelycleartotheirreaders.Onewaytheydothat,aswesawinthesectionsonwordchoice,istoselectexactlytherightwordsthatconveytheirmeaning.Anotherwaytheycreateclarityforreadersistoarrangewordsandphrasesinsentencesinexactlytherightorder.Andathirdtechniquetheyuse,whentheycombinetwoormoreclausesintoasinglesentence,istoshowexactlyhowthestatementoneclausemakesconnectswiththestatementanotherclausemakes.

Tomakeconnectionsbetweenonestatementandanotherisnot,assomanyinexperiencedwritersassume,theresponsibilityofthereader;itisthedutyofthewriter.Theworkofwritingrequiresustothinkabouttheseconnections,ifnotwhilewearegettingourfirstideasdownonthepage,thencertainlyaswerevise.That’sbecausealargepartofthemeaningofapieceofwritingresides,notinindividualwordsorphrasesorclauses,butinthewayswordisconnectedtoword,phrasetophrase,clausetoclause.Whenawriterfailstomakecleartheconnectionbetweentheelementsinasentence,thereaderwillnotknowwhatheistryingtosay.

Dependentclausesgivewritersanothertooltomaketheirmeaningcleartoreaders.Billfailedhisexam,andhisfatherwasdisappointed.Anexperiencedwriterwillreadthatsentenceandthinktoherself,IfIwritethesentencethatway,Iwon’tbemakingcleartothereaderexactlywhattherelationshipisbetweenthetwopartsofthesentence.Andso,shewillrewrite,perhapslikethis:BecauseBillfailedhisexam,hisfatherwasdisappointed.Nowtheexact

relationship,thespecificconnection,betweenthetwostatementsisclear,andherreaderswillbeabletounderstandhermeaning.

Practice:MakeSubordinateClauses

Writesomeindependentclauses.Nowturnthemintosubordinateclausesbyaddingtoeachoneasubordinatingconjunction:if,though,because,before,after,since,as,while,when,where,unless,although.(Thesearesomeofthemostcommonlyusedsubordinatingconjunctions;ifyouwantacompletelist,consultagoodgrammarbook.)Youmaynotbeabletoturnallyourindependentclausesintodependentones;useyourearandyourcommonsense.

Notethepatternforcreatingthiskindofdependentclause:

subordinatingconjunction+independentclause=subordinateclause

Nowselectsomeofthosesubordinateclausesandturnthemintocompletesentencesbyaddingoneormoreindependentclauses.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

MakingDependentClauses2:UsingRelativePronounsTheothermostcommonwaytoconstructdependentclausesalsobeginswithanindependentclause.Butinthisapproach,insteadofaddingsomethingtotheindependentclause,wetakesomethingaway:Wesubstitutearelativepronounforthewordorphrasethatisthesubjectoftheclause.

Supposeyouhavetwoindependentclauses:Themanislaughingloudly.Heiswearingabrowncoat.It’spossibletocombinethemusingacoordinatingconjunction,buttheresultmaynotbesatisfactory:Themanislaughingloudly,andheiswearingabrowncoat.Yourearwilltellyou,Thatconstructiondoesn’tsoundright!Ifyoutrytouseasubordinatingconjunction,yourearwillagainobject.Becausethemanislaughingloudly,heiswearingabrowncoat.Nope.Thatmakesnosense.Thoseofyouwhohavepracticedphraseswillimmediately

seeawaytorewritethesentencesoitdoesmakesense:Themaninthebrowncoatislaughingloudly.

Here’sanotheroption:Themanwhoiswearingabrowncoatislaughingloudly.Toconstructthissentencewehavereplacedthepronounhewiththerelativepronounwho,therebyturningtheindependentclauseheiswearingabrowncoatintoaparticularkindofdependentclauseknownasarelativeclause.Nowtheclausereadswhoiswearingabrowncoat.

Youwillseerightawaythattheclausewhoiswearingabrowncoat,whileithasasubject(who)andapredicate(iswearingabrowncoat),can’tstandaloneasasentence;ithasto“depend”onanotherindependentclause,inthiscaseThemanislaughingloudly.

Practice:MakeRelativeClauses

Writesomeshortindependentclauses.Nowturnthemintorelativeclausesbyreplacingthesubjectwitharelativepronoun,suchaswho,whom,whose,which,orthat.Notethepatternforcreatingrelativeclauses:

relativepronoun(replacingnounorpronoun)+predicate=relativeclause

Nowcompleteeachsentencebycombiningtherelativeclausewithanindependentclause.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Notethatthewordthatissometimesomittedfromrelativeclauses,especiallyininformalwriting:Thedress[that]Iworewasgreenwithwhitetrim.Sometimeswritersfeelconfusedaboutrelativepronouns;ifyou'renotsurewhethertousethatorwhich,forexample,orwhoorwhom,consultyourgrammarbook.

WhatDependentClausesDoNowthatwe’veexploredhowtomakedependentclauses,let’stakealookatsomeofthethingstheycandoinsentences.Therearethreemainrolesthat

dependentclausescanplay:Theycanserveasadverbs,asadjectives,andasnouns.

TheRoleofDependentClauses1:Adverbs

Mostofthetime,dependentclausescreatedwithsubordinatingconjunctionstaketheroleofadverbsintheirsentences.Inthisroletheyareknownasadverbclauses.Forexample:

Joetookanumbrellawithhimbecausetheweatherforecastpromisedrain.

ThesubordinateclausebecausetheweatherforecastpromisedrainexplainswhyJoetooktheumbrella,andmodifiestheverb,took;therefore,thesubordinateclause—initsentirety—isservingasanadverb.Manyothersentencesfollowthispattern:

independentclause+subordinateclause(asadverb)

Mostofthetime,sentencesthatfollowthispatterndon’trequirepunctuationbetweentheindependentandsubordinateclauses.

Sometimes,though,writersliketoreversetheorderofthetwoclauses,puttingthesubordinateclausefirst:

Becausetheweatherforecastpromisedrain,Joetookanumbrellawithhim.

Inthiscase,acommafollowsthesubordinateclause.Anadverbclausecanalsomodifyaverbal.Forexample:

Ineededtodomyhomeworkbeforethegamestarted.

Practice:SubordinateClausesasAdverbs

Trywritingsentencesusingsubordinateclausesasadverbs,followingeitheroftheprecedingpatterns.Tryusingverbalsotherthaninfinitives,ifyoulike.

TheRoleofDependentClauses2:Adjectives

Whenwemakedependentclausesusingrelativepronouns,theseclausesusuallyfunctionasadjectivesintheirsentences;inthiscase,theyareknownasadjectiveclauses.Forexample:

Themanwhostoppedbylastnightismycousin.

Thedependentclausewhostoppedbylastnightserves—initsentirety—asanadjectivemodifyingthenounphraseTheman.

Writerssometimesfeelconfusedaboutthepunctuationofadjectiveclauses.Herearesometipstohelp.

Thewordswho,whom,which,andthatarethemostcommonlyusedrelativepronouns.Whenyoubeginanadjectiveclausewithoneofthesewords,youneedtodecidewhetherornottheinformationtheclausecontainsisessentialtothemeaningofthenounbeingmodified.Forinstance,supposeyouhavethesentenceThewomanwalkeddownthestreet.Youwanttoaddmoreinformationaboutthewomaninanadjectiveclause:whowascarryingacockerspaniel.Perhapsyou’llwritethenewsentencelikethis:Thewomanwhowascarryingacockerspanielwalkeddownthestreet.Orperhapsyou’llwriteitlikethis:Thewoman,whowascarryingacockerspaniel,walkedoffdownthestreet.Yourdecisionshouldbebasedonwhethertheinformationintheadjectiveclauseis—orisnot—essentialtonamingthewoman.Ifyouneedthatinformationtoidentifythisparticularwomanandtodistinguishherfromothers(perhapsanotherwomancarryingadifferentbreedofdog),thenyouwillwritethesentencewithoutpunctuation.If,however,theinformationintheadjectiveclauseisnotessentialtoidentifyingthewoman,thenyouwritethesentencewithcommasaroundtheadjectiveclause.(Whenyouhaveasentenceusingan

essentialrelativeclause,sometimesit’spossibletoomittherelativepronounandturntheverbintoaparticiple,creatinganadjectivephrase:Thewomancarryingacockerspanielwalkeddownthestreet.)

Grammariansalsotellusthatthewordthat,whenusedasarelativepronoun,alwaysindicatesanessentialdependentclause.Adjectiveclausesbeginningwithwhich,who,orwhommayormaynotbeessential,dependingontheirmeaning.

Attheriskofcreatinghopelessconfusion,Iwilladdonemoretechniquehere:theuseofwordssuchaswhen,where,after,before,since,while,andwhytocreateclausesthatfunctionasadjectives.You’llrememberyouencounteredthesewordsjustalittlewhileago,intheirroleassubordinateconjunctions,beginningclausesthatfunctionasadverbs.ButthroughthemysteriousabilityofEnglishwordstotakeonmanydifferentrolesinsentences,thesesamewordscanalsoactasrelativeadverbs;inthisroletheydriveadjective(notadverb)clauses—likeso:

TheymovedtoasmallOhiotownwhereAlice’sparentsownahouse.

Inthissentence,theclausethatbeginswithwheremodifiestown,thusservingasanadjectiveclause.

Withoutpunctuation,relativeclausesfunctionasboundmodifiers;withpunctuation,asfreemodifiers.

Practice:RelativeClausesasAdjectives

Experimentwithusingrelativeclausesasadjectives.Ifyougetconfusedabout“therules,”consultagoodgrammarbook.

TheRoleofDependentClauses3:Nouns

Dependentclausescansometimesserveasnouns.Here’show:

Iknowwhereheis.

Canyounametheelementsofthissentence?There’sasubject,thepronoun,I;there’samainverb,know;andthere’sadependentclause,whereheis—whichistakingontheroleofanounservingasthedirectobjectoftheverb.

Anounclausecandoalmostanythinganouncandoinsentences.Forinstance:

Nounclauseassubject:Whathesaidbaffledme.

Nounclauseascomplement:Myapplepieiswhathelovesbest.

Nounclauseasobjectoftransitiveverb:Iknowwhereheis.

Nounclauseasobjectofapreposition:We’llgotowhicheverstoreyouprefer.

Nounclauseasappositive:Iwantyoutoknowasecret:thatIsolvedtheproblem.

Practice:NounClauses

Nounclausesarealittletricky,buttheycanbefuntofoolaroundwith.Trywritingsomekernelsandthenseeifyoucanreplaceanyofthenounswithnounclauses.Orchooseoneofthestructuresaboveandimitateittowriteasentenceusinganounclause.Whatdoyouthinkofthisparticularsentencestructure?

TheOptionsProvidedbyDependentClauses

DoIWanttoUseaWord,aPhrase,oraClause?

Likephrases,dependentclausesaregroupsofwordsthat“gotogether,”thatfunctionasaunit.Likephrases,theseword-groupscanalsotakeontherolesofnouns,orofadjectivesoradverbs,insentences.Andsodependentclausesprovideuswithyetanotherwayofsayingthings;alongwithsinglewordsand

phrases,theygiveuslimitlesschoiceinconstructingoursentences.Forinstance,dowewanttowriteMikekickedthecathard?OrwouldweratherwriteMikekickedthecatontothefloor(adverbphraseinsteadofsingleadverb)?Orperhapswe’dratherwritethis:WhenMikegotangry,hekickedthecatontothefloor(adverbclauseadded)?

Sothefirstkindofoptionwehaveiswhethertousesinglewords,phrases,orclauses(orsomecombinationthereof)foradjectives,adverbs,andnouns.

Practice:ChooseSingleWords,Phrases,orClauses

Writesomekernelsentences.Thentakeoneoftheseandseeifyoucanaddsingleadverbsoradjectives(orboth).Nowrewritethesentencesubstitutingphrasesasadjectivesoradverbs,orincludingtheminadditiontosingle-wordmodifiers.Nowrewritethesentenceagain,usingclausesinsteadofphrases,oraddingclauses(ifyoursentencestillmakessensethisway).Nowtrysubstitutingnounphrasesornounclausesforsinglenouns.Whatdoyounotice?Trythiswholeprocessagainwithmorekernels.

Andnowrewriteyoursentences,makingchoicesamongalltheseoptions.

WhereDoIPutMyDependentClause?

Thesecondchoiceweneedtomakeiswhereinoursentencesdependentclausesshouldgo.Oftendependentclauses,likephrases,canserveasfreemodifiers.Wecanchoosewhereinasentencetoputthem:atthebeginning,beforethesubject;attheend,afterthemainverbofthesentence;perhaps,sometimes,eveninthemiddle,betweenthesubjectandthemainverb.

Howdowemakethesechoices?You’llfinditeasiertomakesuchchoicesasyoutrainyourwordmindwith

practiceandstudy,andasyouimitatethesentencesofprofessionalwriters;withthispracticecomesfacilitywithsinglewords,phrases,andclauses.Andthen,intheheatofcomposition,or—morelikely—inrevision,you’llneedtolistentoyoursentencesandpayattentiontowhatyourearistellingyou.Doyour

sentencesmakesense?Willtheybecleartoyourreaders?Haveyoucreatedenoughmovementanddrama,ordoyouneedtotryanotherwayofsayingwhatyouaretryingtosay?Whatabouttherhythmofeachsentence,therhythmofallthesentencesinaparagraphworkingtogether?Thesearethekindsofquestionsyoucanaskyourselfasyourevise(andrevise,andrevise…).

Themostimportantthingstoholdontoinwritingsentencesarethese:AlwaysbeawareofthebasickernelstructureofEnglishsentences;andkeepinmindatalltimesthenecessityfororderingtheelementsofyoursentences.Look,forinstance,athowthesewritersuseallofthestructureswe’vebeentalkingabouttocreatefairlylongsentencesthat,however,neverconfusethereader:

FatherWolflistened,andbelowinthevalleythatrandowntoalittleriver,heheardthedry,angry,snarling,singsongwhineofatigerwhohascaughtnothinganddoesnotcareifallthejungleknowsit.

—RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook

Fatwomen,grosswomen,stumpywomen,bonywomen,shapelesswomen,oldwomen,plainwomen,satinthespaciousarmchairsandbecauseLisettelookedsosweetboughttheclothesthatsoadmirablysuitedher.

—W.SomersetMaugham,“AppearanceandReality”

Awomanwhocantossyouacheckforahundredgrandwithoutblinkinghasn’thadmuchpracticelisteningtoreasonfromahireling,butshemanagedit.

—RexStout,TheDoorbellRang

WedroveovertoFifthAvenue,sowarmandsoft,almostpastoral,onthesummerSundayafternoonthatIwouldn’thavebeensurprisedtoseeagreatflockofwhitesheepturnthecorner.

—F.ScottFitzgerald,TheGreatGatsby

Ourgardenwasthecenterofmyworld,theplaceaboveallotherswhereIwishedtoremainforever.

—EstherHautzig,TheEndlessSteppe

Practice:PlaceDependentClauses

Writesomesentencesusingdependentclauses(subordinateorrelative).Experimentwithrewritingthesesentences,placingthedependentclausesinadifferentplaceinthesentence(ifthesentencestillmakessensethatway).Whatdoyounotice?

NewSentenceStructures

Whenweusesubordinateandrelativeclauses,wearedoingtwothings.Oneofthese—usingclausesasnouns,adjectives,andadverbs—wehavejustexplored.Atthesametime,whenweusedependentclauses,wearecreatingnewsentencestructures.

ComplexSentencesWhenwecombineone(ormore)dependentclausesandanindependentclause,wearecreatingwhat’sknownasacomplexsentence.Here’sthepatternforthiskindofsentence:

dependentclause(s)(canbesubordinateorrelative)+independentclause=complexsentenceWhenthethundercrashed,weranscreamingintothehouse.

Practice:MakeComplexSentences

Writesomesentencesaccordingtothepatternforcomplexsentences.Trysomewithonlyonedependentclause;trysomeusingmorethanonedependentclause.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Compound-ComplexSentencesThere’sanothercommonsentencepatternyou’llwanttohaveinyourrepertoire:thecompound-complexsentence.Hereyouaddtwoormoreindependentclausestogetheralongwithoneormoredependentclauses.

Janewantedtotalk,butbecauseJoewastired,herefused

Practice:MakeCompound-ComplexSentences

Writesomesentencesaccordingtothepatternforcompound-complexsentences.Whathappenswhenyoudothis?Readyoursentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?

TheProsCombineIndependentandDependentClauses

1.Withsubordinatingconjunctions:

Intheneighboringcourt,wheretheLordChancelloroftheragandbottleshopdwells,thereisageneraltendencytowardsbeerandsupper.

—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse

Althoughtherootsgobackdecades,the2000and2004presidentialelectionsmarkedthetransformationoftheGOPintothefirstreligiouspartyinU.S.history.

—KevinPhillips,AmericanTheocracy

Ontothepigs’house,wherefourgrunters—oneyellow,withadaintywhitehead—rompedplayfully,while,ledbytheSkeaboys,Ipickedmyway

throughgildedpoolsandthatstrongsweetgorge-raisingsmellpeculiartopigs,intoaninnersanctum,whereareallyimmenseporkerlayonhersideandadozenweek-oldpigletswithcurlytailsscamperedroundher.

—GeorgeMackayBrown,NorthernLights

Helayinthesoothingwaterutterlyateaseforthefirsttimesincehislongjourneyhomehadbeguneightweeksbefore.

—MarjorieAllingham,Coroner’sPidgin

2.Withrelativepronouns:

Shewasachildwhosefatherandmotherweredeadandwholivedaroundwithvariousunclesandaunts.

—LucyMaudMontgomery,TheRoadtoAvonlea

InthecountyofGloucestershiretherelivedwithhisfather,whowasafarmer,aboycalledDick.

—WalterdelaMare,“DickandtheBeanstalk”

3.Withbothkindsofdependentclause:

[Gran’therPendleton]ignoredthem,thisnaughtyoldman,whowouldgivehisweakstomachfrightfulattacksofindigestionbystealingouttothepantryanddevouringawholemincepiebecausehehadbeenrefusedtwopiecesatthetable…

—DorothyCanfieldFisher,“HeydayoftheBlood”

Practice:LearningfromthePros

Lookattheworkofwritersyoulikeforhowtheyusedependentclausesinconstructingsentences,orgobackandstudytheprecedingexamples.Copyoutsomeofthesesentencesandimitatetheirstructure(thatis,usethesamenumber

ofrelative/subordinateandindependentclausesineachsentence,andinthesameorder).Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?

Practice:CombineKernelsinDifferentWays

Writefiveorsixkernelsthatallhavethesamesubject.Nowpracticedifferentwaysofcombiningthem.(Addnewwordsifnecessary.)

MakingChoicesinSentenceStructureAsyouareundoubtedlyrealizingnow,theuseofdependentclausescandramaticallyexpandthepossibilitiesforsentenceconstruction.Youcanwritekernels—shortandsyntacticallysimple.Youcanelaborateyourkernelswithboundorfreemodifiers,sometimessinglewords,sometimesphrases.Youcanaddindependentclauses(kernelsorelaboratedkernels)togetherviacoordination.Youcanturnsomeofyourindependentclausesintodependentclausesandcombinethetwoviasubordination.Youcanmakeuseofallthesepossibilities.

Thechoicesyoumakeinsentencestructurehelpcreateyourownstyle.Theyalsocreatevariationsinrhythm,andtheycontributeto(orobscure)readability.Withacommandofsentencestructuresyoucancontrolthemovementanddramaofyoursentences,therebyheighteningsuspense,shapingyourreaders’experience,andrivetingtheirattention.

AsI’vesaid,Irecommendthatyouspendagooddealoftimestudyinghowprofessionalwritersusesyntacticstructures;thenexperimentwithdifferentsentencestructurestoseewhichonesyoulike.

Practice:MakeChoicesinSentenceStructure

Experimentwiththesentencestructuresyou’velearnedinanywaythatappealstoyou.Youmaywanttoreviseapassageofyourownwritingtomakeuseofyournewlearning.

TakeTimetoReflect

Whathasstoodoutforyouinthischapter?Whichtechniquesdoyouwanttospendmoretimewith?Youmaywanttoreviseyourpracticelisttogiveprioritytothesenewtechniques.

TwoImportantNotesIfyoufeelconfusedasyoudothesepractices,don’tfret!Itisn’tallthatimportanttoknowtherightlabelsforelementsofsentences;Ihaveincludedthelabelssothat,ifyoulike,youwillbeabletolookupthesetermsinagrammarhandbook.Moreimportantthanknowingthecorrectgrammaticalnamesisbeingabletomakeuseofthesetechniquestocomposesentences.Youmayfinditeasiertolearnhowtodothisbylisteningtosentences(yoursandthoseofprofessionalwriters)ratherthanusingthegrammaticalterms.

Remember,too,thatyoucantakeasmuchtimeasyouneedtolearnthesesentenceconstructions.Therewillbenotestattheendofthisbooktoseewhetheryouhavelearnedeverything!Keepcheckinginwithyourselftoseehowmuchofallthisinformationaboutsentencesyoucanactuallyuserightnow.Forinstance,Ihavefounditveryhelpfultoconcentrateonkernelsforalongtime(andtokeepcomingbacktotheminmypractice)beforemovingontopracticingmorecomplexstructures.There’sabsolutelynothingwrongwithreadingthroughsomeofthisinformation,tryingthepractices,andthensayingtoyourself,“I’mnotreadyforthisyet.”

Also,whenyouimitatesentencesbyyourfavoritewriters,lookfirstforsentencesthatcontainthestructureeachpracticeisfocusingon.Youmayfindthatthesesentencesalsocontainstructuresthatyou’renotyetfamiliarwith.Youcandoyourbesttoimitatetheentire

sentenceanyway,oryoucanomittheunfamiliarstructurefromyourimitation.

Section5

ThePowerofComposition:PuttingitAllTogether

Don’tstudyanart;practiceit.—Japaneseproverb

GettingtheSpellRight

Ihopebynowyouarefeelingexcited(andnottoooverwhelmed)byalltheoptionswehaveforconstructingEnglishsentences.Withalltheseoptionsinyourrepertoire,youcanmakechoiceswhenyouwriteandrevise,intheprocessdevelopingyourownwritingstyle.

Evenmoreimportant,whenyouhaveacommandofsentencestructure,aswellasofdiction,youhavepower:theabilitytocastaspelloveryourreaders,tograbandkeeptheirattention,tomakethingshappeninsidethem.Readersareficklecreatures,withmanyotherdemandsontheirtimeandenergy.Wewritersneedallthelinguisticresourceswecanfindtokeepthemreadingourwords.

Thisdoesnotmeanthatoursentencesmustbelongandcomplex.Itmeans,rather,thatwemustknowwhatwearedoingwhenwewriteandreviseoursentences.Themorewepractice,themorewestudytheworkofskilledwriters,themorewewilllearnabouthowsentencesaffectreaders,andtheeasieritwillbecomeforustomakeoursyntacticchoices.

Whenwemakeourchoices,wecanconsideranumberofdifferentthings.Inthissectionwe’llexamineafewofthem.First,we’llreviewthebasicsofsyntacticstructuresandsomeofouroptionsforusingthem.Thenwe’llseehowtheseoptionsenableustoproducewritingthatisclear,writingthatcontainsthe

energyofmovement,writingthathasthequalityofflow:allcharacteristicsthatgrabandkeepourreaders’attention.Finally,we’lldosomeplayingwithsentencerhythm,toaddvarietyandinteresttooursentences.

Inallthesepractices,we’llbeworkingintherealmofcomposition,wherewedrawoneverythingwehavealreadylearnedaboutdictionandsyntaxtocreatesentencespowerfulenoughtotransferwhatwewanttosayintothemindsofothers,powerfulenoughtokeepthemspellbound.

Chapter13

MakingSentencesMove

Essentiallystyleresemblesgoodmanners.Itcomesofendeavouringtounderstandothers,ofthinkingforthemratherthanyourself—orthinking,thatis,

withtheheartaswellasthehead.—SirArthurQuiller-Couch

ACommandofSyntacticStructures

Mostinexperiencedwritersbelievethatwhatmakesapersonagoodwriterisherabilitytocomeupwithwords.Aswe’veseen,though,skilledwritersknowhowtochoosewordsandtheyknowhowtoarrangethosewordseffectivelyinsentences.Skilledwriters,then,haveacommandofsyntacticstructures.Thisdoesn’tmeantheynecessarilyknowthegrammaticalnamesforeverystructuretheyuse;itdoesmeanthattheyhavethosestructuressocompletelyembeddedintheirwordmind,intheirwriter'sear,thattheycanmakeeffectivechoiceseverytimetheywriteorreviseasentence.Ifyouwanttoraisethequalityofyourwriting,tomakeitmorepowerful,thenIurgeyou,onceagain,topractice,practice,practicethesyntacticstructuresyoulearnedinthelastsection,untilyoucanusethemwithoutthinkingaboutthem.

Ifyouhavepracticedfaithfully,bynowyouhavelearnedthesethings:theelementsofsyntax(partsofspeech,phrases,clauses),howtomakekernelsentences,howtoconstructmorecomplexsentences,andhowtoimitate

sentencestructuresintheworkofprofessionalwriters.Incaseyouneedit,you’llfindinthesidebaraquickreviewofsyntacticconstructions.

SyntacticConstructions:AReviewWhenwecomposesentences,wemustusenounsandverbs,andweusuallyuseadjectivesandadverbsaswell.Allofthesecontentpartsofspeechmaybesinglewords,ortheymaybephrases.Nouns,adjectives,andadverbscanoftenbeclauses.(Verbscannot.)

Nounscanplaythefollowingroles(amongothers) inasentence:

1.Nounassubjectofasentenceoraclause:

Janespokeloudly.

BecauseBobwaslate,wemissedtheplane.

2.Nounasdirectobjectofaverb:

Bobpattedthedog.

3.Nounassubjectcomplementofabeverborlinkingverb:

Joeismyfriend.

4.Nounasindirectobject:

WegaveAmyalltheapples.

1

5.Nounasobjectcomplement:

TheclubmadeSusanpresident.

6.Nounasobjectofapreposition:

Hedrovetothestore.

7.Nounasobjectofaverbal:

Bowingtheirheads,thecongregationprayed.

Tocatchthethief,theysetatrap.

8.Nounasadjective:

Theysatonthelawninthefadingsummerlight.

9.Nounasadverb:

Stevewenthome.

10.Nounasappositive:

John,myfriend,spokeupforme.

11.Nounasnominativeabsolute:

Sally,herlipspressedtogether,shookherhead.

Practice:NounConstructions

Practiceusingnounsinthewaysoutlinedabove.Startwithsinglenouns,thenexperimentwithnounphrasesandnounclauses.

Practice:VerbConstructionsVerbs,aswe’velearned,cantaketworolesinsentences:Theycanbethemainverbofasentenceoraclause(finiteverbs)ortheycanbeverbals(nonfiniteverbs).

Practiceusingfiniteandnonfiniteverbs.ReviewChapter8ifyoucan’tquiterememberhowverbalswork.

Practice:AdjectiveandAdverbConstructionsAdjectives,asyouknow,modifynouns.Theycanalsofollow,assubjectcomplement,abeverboralinkingverb.Adverbsmodifyverbs,andsometimestheymodifynounsoradjectives.Adjectivesandadverbscanbesinglewords,phrases,orclauses;theycanbeusedasboundmodifiersorfreemodifiers.

Practiceusingsinglewords,phrases,andclausesasadjectivesandadverbs.Practiceusingtheseconstructionsasboundmodifiersandasfreemodifiers.

Indoingthesepractices,tryputtingthesyntacticconstructionsintokernels,thenintocompoundsentences.Ifyouuseadjectiveandadverbclauses,you'llfindyourselfwritingcomplexsentences—orevencompound-complexsentences!(Ifyouneedtoreviewtheterminologyforkindsofsentences,seeChapter13.)

OptionsforComposition

IfyoutakethetimetoexploreallthesyntacticconstructionsinEnglish,andthewaysinwhichtheycanbeused,you'llundoubtedlybeamazedathowmany

optionswehaveforcomposingsentences.AddtothesetheimmensewordhoardoftheEnglishlanguage,andit'sclearthatthepossibilitiesforwritingsentencesareinfinite.Perhapsyoufindallthoseoptionsexhilarating,orperhapstheymakeyoufeeloverwhelmed.Eitherway,it'simportanttorememberthatwhileallthoseoptionsexist,wedon'thavetomakeuseofeverysingleoneofthem.Aswewriteandrevise,wemakechoicesaboutwhichonestouse.Exploringtheoptionsthroughpracticemakesourwordmindstrongerandmoreflexible,lessstuckinthesameoldrutsofsentenceconstruction.Atthesametime,whenweworkonapieceofwritingotherswillread,ourchoicesareconstrainedbyourneedtocommunicate.Wecan'tthrowinaverbalhere,oranappositivethere,justbecausewefeellikeit.Weneedtousealltheoptionsofdictionandsyntaxtomakeourselvescleartoreadersandtokeeptheirattention.

ComposingforEffect:ClarityAcoupleofthousandyearsago,theGreekphilosopherAristotlerecordedsomeoftheearliestinstructionsinwriting.“Themostimportantgoalofwriting,”hesaid,“istobeclearwithoutbeingboring.”Hisinstructionsstillholdtruetoday.Writingthatisconfused,unnecessarilycomplex,orjustplainhardtounderstandwillnotholdtheattentionofreaders.Unlesstheyareforcedintoit,mostpeoplewillnotcontinuereadingsentencesthatdonotconveyclearmeaning.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatwemustwriteonlysimplethoughts;itmeansthat,nomatterhowcomplexourthoughtsare,wemustpresenttheminsuchawaythatreaderscanunderstandwhatwearesaying.So,aswewriteandrewrite,wealwaysneedtobeaskingourselves,WhatamItryingtosayhere?andWillsomebodywhoisn’tmeunderstandwhatIamsaying?

Choosingjusttherightwordorphraseinsteadofsettlingforthealmost-rightsynonymisonewaywecreateclear,readablewriting.Anotherwayistomakeeffectiveuseofthelanguageoftheimagination.Perhapsourmostimportanttoolforcreatingclarity,though,isthewayweusesyntax.

Asyou’velearnedinpreviouschapters,readersprocessoursentencesonebitatatime,addingeachwordorphrasetotheonesthatprecedeit.Acommandofsyntaxenablesustoorderourwordssotheysaysomethingtoreaders;itensuresthatourwritingmakessensetothem.Theworkofcomposition,then,islargelytheworkoforderingourmaterialintosentences,fortheorderinwhichwords,images,andideascometousaswewriteisnotnecessarilytheorderinwhichwewanttopresentthemtoourreaders.

Asanyonewhohasdonethepracticeoffreewritingknows,ourmindsdonotnaturallyworkinalinearfashion.Rather,theygiveusthoughts,ideas,andwordsinwhatfeellikefree-associativeclusters.Sowhenwetrytogetthoseideas,thoughts,andwordsdownonpaperastheyhaveoccurredtous,wemaynotbeconcernedwiththeorderinwhichwerecordthem.Infact,itmaynotevenfeellikethesethoughtshaveanorder;theymayfeelmorelikenetworksofconnection.Ifwewantedtomakearepresentationofthesenetworksofthought,astheyhappeninourminds,wecouldprobablydothatvisually,becauseavisualrepresentationallowsustoworkinspaceandthereforetoshowapictureofmorethanonethingatthesametime.

Butwriting,likespeech,doesnothappeninspace;ithappensintime.Andthetimewemustconcernourselveswith—notnecessarilyaswetrytogetdownonpaperourfirst,fleetingthoughtsorvisions,butmostdefinitelyatsomepointbeforewefinishapiece—istheexperience,intime,thatourreaderswillhaveastheyprocessoursentences.BecauseofthenatureoftheEnglishlanguage,readerswillhavetotakeinwhatwetellthem,oneword-groupatatime,onesentenceatatime,oneparagraphatatime.Astheyread,theywilladdeach“bit”ofinformationtothebitsthathavecomeearlier.Knowledgeofsyntaxprovidesuswithestablishedlinguisticstructuresthatenableustoorderourthoughtsandwordssothatreaderscanaddthemtogetherandmakesenseofthem.Muchoftherevisionthataskilledwriterdoesinvolvestinkeringwiththeorderofelementsinhersentencessothatreaderscanprocessthemwitheaseandextractfromthemthemeaningsheintends.

Oneofthebestwaystoensurethatwehavesuccessfullyorderedoursentencesforthemindsofreadersistoreadourworkoutloud.Whenwereadaloud,wecomeclosertotheexperienceareaderwillhaveofourwords.Whenwereadourwordssilently,it’sveryeasyto“readinto”themwhatwemeantosay:Wehaveourintendedmeaninginmind,andweprojectthatintothewordsonthatpage.Butthereader,asIalwaystellmystudents,isnotinsidetheheadofthewriter.Whenwegetourwordsoutofourownheadsandintotheair,wecanreallyhearthem;andthenit’smucheasiertounderstandthemasourreaderswill.

Practice:ReadingasaReader

Takesomepassagesfromyourownwriting,orsomeofyourpracticesentences,andreadthemoutloudslowly,pretendingthatyouaresomeonewhohasneverseenthembefore.Trytolistentothem,receivethem,asareader,ratherthanasawriter.Takeinthesewordsandsentencesasareaderwould,one“bit”atatime.Noticewhetheryourimaginaryreaderwillbeconfusedbyanythinginyourwriting.Isyourmeaningclear?Markalltheplaceswhereclarityislacking.

Practice:UsingSyntacticStructuresinRevision

Now,usingwhatyouhavelearnedfromearliersectionsinthisbook,aswellasfromthereviewaboveofsyntacticstructures,reviseyourmarkedpassagesforclarity.Readthemaloudagain.Howdotheysoundnow,toyourimaginedreader?Ifthey’restillnotclear,reviseagain.

ComposingforEffect:PurposeClearcommunicationisakindofsuccessfulmagic.Whenwewritewithclarity,wetransfermeaningfromourmindsintothemindsofotherpeople—peoplewedon’tknowandwillprobablynevermeet.Butourwordsandsentencesmakeanotherkindofmagic,too,whichgivesthemevenmorepower:Theymake

thingshappen;theydothingstopeople.Thewordswechoosehavedifferentkindsofpower;sodooursentences.

Whataresomeofthethingssentencescando?You’llrememberthattheycanmakeastatement,askaquestion,makeacommand,ormakeanexclamation.

Whenweconsiderdeclarativesentences(whichmakestatements)moreclosely,wefindthatthiskindofsentencecanalsodomanydifferentthings.Forinstance:

Itcannarrate;thatis,tellwhathappened,conveyanactionoranevent:Joewalkedslowlydownthestreet,thinkinghard.

Itcandescribe;makeapicture:Thestreetwaslinedwithappletrees,allcoveredwithwhiteblossomsandgivingoffasweetsmell.

Itcangivesomeone’sreactionstohappeningsorpictures:ButJoedidn’tnotice.

Itcangivesomeone’sthoughts:“IfonlyIhadn’tsaidthat,”Joethought.OR:Joewishedhehadsaidnothing.

Itcangivesomeone’sspokenwords:“WhatafoolIam!”hesaid.

Itcangivesomeone’sfeelings:Joefeltsad.OR:AsJoespoke,atearrandownhisface.

Itcanstateafactorreportapieceofinformation:Joewasfifteenyearsold;hehadn’tcriedsincehewasakid.

Itcanconveyanideaorexplainsomething:Hisfatherhadalwaystoldhimthatmendon’tcry.

Itcanstateanopinionormakeacomment:Butsometimeswhatourfatherstellusturnsoutnottobetrue.

Practice:WhatDeclarativeSentencesDo

Trywritingsomedeclarativesentences,usinganyofthetechniquesyouhavelearnedsofar,andthinkabouteachsentence’spurpose,whatyouwanteachsentencetodo.Experimentwithsentencesthatdodifferentthings.

Practice:WhatDeclarativeSentencesDo

Nowtakealookatapassageortwobyoneofyourfavoritewriters.Seeifyoucanfigureoutwhateachsentenceisdoing,andjotthatdown.Forinstance,youmightwrite:sentence1—givesapieceofinformation;sentence2—givesapicture;andsoon.Thenimitatethepassagebywritingsentencesthatimitate,inorder,whateachsentenceinyourchosenpassageisdoing.

Practice:WhatDeclarativeSentencesDo

Pickasubjectandwritesomesentencesonit,thinkingnotonlyaboutwhatyouwanttosay,butalsoaboutwhatyouwanteachsentencetodo.Keepinmindyouroptionsforsyntacticstructures.

ComposingforEffect:MovementWhenwewriteandrevisesentences,there’sanotherthingwecanpayattentionto:sentencemovement.Thinkingaboutwhatoursentencesaredoing(asinthepreviousexercises)isonewaytoenlivenoursentenceswithmovement.

Evenmoreimportanttosentencemovementistheactualstructureofoursentences.ForwardmovementisembeddedinthebasicstructureoftheEnglishsentence:theS-V,orS-V-C(subject-verb-complementorobject)kernelpattern.Inthispattern,aswesawinearlierlessons,thesubjectofthesentence—the“actor”—usuallycomesfirst,thencomesthepredicate—the“action.”Withtheuseofthispattern,everysentenceisastory.Andsosentenceswrittenaccording

tothisbasicpattern,eitheraskernelsorwiththecarefuluseofmodifiers,moveforward.Thisforwardmovementhelpstosustainourreaders’attention.

Aswehaveseen,wecanalsoholdourreaders’attentionthroughthewayweplaceourmodifiers,whethertheyaresinglewords,phrases,orclauses.Wecanchoosewhentopassoninformationinasentence;ourchoicescancreateflow,suspense,drama,surprise,andothereffects.Oneofourmaintoolsforcreatingtheseeffectsisfreemodifiers.

Rememberthatwehavethreepossibilitiesforplacingfreemodifiers:beforethesubject,afterthemainverb,betweenthesubjectandthemainverb.Grammarianssometimescallthesethreekindsofsentences,respectively:left-branchingsentences,right-branchingsentences(alsoknownascumulativesentences),andmid-branchingsentences.Let’stakealookatthesefromthepointofviewofsentencemovement,beginningwiththemoststraightforward:right-branching(cumulative)sentences.

OncewehavethebasicpatternofEnglishsentencesinourminds,itbecomesquiteeasytowritesentencesthatbeginwiththesubject,continuewiththeverb…andthenkeepgoing.Professionalwritersmakeuseofthiskindofsentenceallthetime:

Mygreat-uncleSilasusedtoliveinasmallstonereed-thatchedcottageontheedgeofapine-wood,wherenightingalessangpassionatelyingreatnumbersthroughearlysummernightsandonintothemorningsandoftenstillintheafternoons.

—H.E.Bates,“TheLily”

Oneofthegreatadvantagesoftheright-branchingsentenceisthatitletsyoumoveyourreaderforwardintothenextsentence:

Theguard,eightlittleDyaksoldiers,stoodtoattentionas[Mr.Warburton]passed.Henotedwithsatisfactionthattheirbearingwasmartial,their

uniformsneatandclean,andtheirgunsshining.Theywereacredittohim.—W.SomersetMaugham,“TheOutstation”

Tocreatealeft-branchingsentence,weplacefreemodifiers(orflexibleadverbials)beforethesubjectofakernel.Thisstructurecreatesmovementinadifferentway:Ithelpsussetasceneordelaytheactionofthesentence.

Atinybrown,glitteringcreature,theflysoareduptotheceiling,spedlikeabulletpastthechild’sears,collidedwiththewalls,andreboundedinnoisyspirals.

—J.Kessel,“TheDoll”

Atpoliceheadquarters,attheNationalGallery,atOslo’snewspaperandtelevisionandradiostations,phonesrangdayandnight.

—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist

Wheneverasituationgetssoticklishthathewishesheweresomewhereelse,hecanwalkovertotheglobeandpickspotstogoto.

—RexStout,TheDoorbellRang

Themid-branchingsentenceinsertsusefulinformationintothemiddleofasentencewhilekeepingthemovementofthesentencegoing:

Theflames—andtheirswasastrangemusic—roaredloudinthewintryair—red,greenish,copperandgold—lickingandleapingtheirwayfromstrandtostrandupandup…

—WalterdelaMare,DickandtheBeanstalk

ButCharlie,thebank-clerkontwenty-fiveshillingsaweek,whohadneverbeenoutofsightofamaderoad,knewitall.

—RudyardKipling,“TheFinestStoryintheWorld”

It’salsopossibletoinsertadditionalmaterialbetweenthetwoclausesofacompoundsentence:

One[televisionmonitor]screensuddenlyflickeredwithlife.Theblack-and-whitepicturewasshadowy—thesunwouldnotriseforanotherninetyminutes—buttheessentialswereclearenough.

—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist

Andfinally,skilledwritersoftenmakeuseoftwoorthreeoftheseoptionsinasinglesentence:

ThougholdwhenImadehisacquaintance,hewasstillapowerfulhorseofaman,alwaysdressedinwell-pressedIrishtweeds,heavycountryman’sbootsandafawn,flat-toppedbowler-hatsetsquataboveabig,red,squareface,heavyhandlebarmustachesandpale-blue,staringeyesofwhichonealwayssawthecompletecircleoftheiris,challenging,concentrated,slightlymad.

—SeanO’Faolain,“ATouchofAutumnintheAir”

Charmedbythesoberbeautyofthehouse,fascinatedbytheseclusionofitssetting,yourrefinedtastetickledbythegoodmannersofthenoticeboard,youwilldecidethathereatlastisthecountryhotelofyourdreams,wheregoodcheerandcomfortawaitthetrulydiscriminatingtraveller.

—CyrilHare,SuicideExcepted

IfitwasinevitablethatRoseBirkettshouldmarryanavalman,itwasequallyinevitablethatthedayofherweddingshouldbethemostperfectdayofuncloudedsuntemperedbyabreezenotpowerfulenoughtodisarrangeherhairorherveil.

—AngelaThirkell,CheerfulnessBreaksIn

Rare,exotic,strangelylovely,theredlilyhadblossomedthere,untouched,foraslongasIcouldremember.

—H.E.Bates,“TheLily”

Practice:SentenceMovement

Studytheexamplesabove—orchooseothersyouprefer—forhoweachwriterconstructshissentencetocreate—ordelay—forwardmovement.Thenimitatethestructureofthesentence.Drawonyourknowledgeofsyntacticsentencestoexperimentwithcombiningsinglewordsactinginvariousrolesandwithdifferentkindsofphrasesandclauses.

ComposingforEffect:SentencesintoParagraphs

Whenwetalkaboutthemovementofsentences,weleavetherealmofsinglesentencesandenterthatofsentence-groups—otherwiseknownasparagraphs.Howdowearrangeoursentencesintoparagraphs?Howdowekeepthemovementofourthoughtsandimagesgoingfromonesentencetothenext?

Sometimesthetechniqueoffreewriting,orfocusedfreewriting,willenableustowritesentencesthatflownaturallyoneintothenext.Butoftenthisapproachdoesn’twork.Here’ssomethingelsetotry:Writeafairlysimplesentence.Thenidentifytheelementsofthesentence,asfollows:

Sentence:Thewomanwalkedtothestore.

Elements:thewomanwalkedtothestore

Nowchooseoneelementanddevelopittocreateaparagraph,likethis:

1.Thewomanwalkedtothestore.Shewastall,maybefive-eight,andherbodyhadthetautlookthatcomeswithlonghoursatthegym.Herblondehairgleamedinthesun,andherpaintednailsflickeredliketinyredlights.

2.Thewomanwalkedtothestore.Shemovedslowlyandtentatively,asifsheweretakingeachstepforthefirsttime.Herfeet,inbatteredsneakers,appearedtobenotquitetouchingthepavement,andshekeptglancingaroundasshewalkedasifshewerelookingforsomethingtoholdonto.

3.Thewomanwalkedtothestore.Onceithadbeenarealgeneralstore,whereyoucouldfindanythingyouneeded.Nails,bandages,cola,cigarettepapers,aquartofmilk,ahalf-dozeneggs—theyhaditall.Theowner,Mr.Johnson,wouldevengiveyoucredit,ifyouwentthereoftenenough.ButthenonedayMr.Johnsondied,andhisrelativessoldtheplacetosomeyuppiesfromthecitywhoturneditintooneofthoseupscalebakerieswheretheydon’tevenselldoughnuts.Shedidn’tlikethewaythestorewasnow,butshewentthereanyway,becausetheywouldletherhaveday-oldbreadathalf-price.

Practice:DevelopingElements

Writeasimplesentenceasintheexampleabove.Takeoneelementanddevelopitthroughseveralsentencestocreateaparagraph.Thentakeadifferentelementanddevelopthatone.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

Paragraphs,likesentences,areatoolweusetograbandkeepourreaders’attentionandtomakethingshappeninsidethem.Paragraphs,likesentences,beginandendwith“pauses.”Inthecaseofsentences,thosepausesareindicatedbyperiods;withparagraphs,weusewhitespaceonthepage.Thatwhitespace,likepunctuation,givesreaderstimetotakeamentalbreath,toassimilatewhattheyhavejusttakenin,andtoreadythemselvesforwhatistocome.Sohowweconstructourparagraphsdependsinlargepartonhowwewanttousethemtocreateacertainkindofexperienceforourreaders.

Justasreadersprocesssentencesbyaddingoneword-grouptotheonetheyjustread,sotheyprocessparagraphsbyaddingsentencestogether.Whenwewriteandrevise,wemaywanttoconsiderwhatwillhappeninsideourreadersas

theyfinishonesentenceinaparagraphandthenmoveintothenextone.Isthiswhatwewanttohavehappenatthisparticularmoment?

ComposingforEffect:CreatingContinuityor“Flow”Whenwethinkabouthowtomoveoursentencesforward,onetothenext,oneofthethingswecanconsiderishowtocreatecontinuityor“flow”—asenseofonethingconnectingnaturallytowhatprecededitandwhatfollows.

Aswelearnedearlier,linguiststellusthatthetypicalEnglishsentencehasacharacteristicmovement,fromknowntounknown.Keepingthatconceptinmindcanhelpuscreatecontinuityinourwriting.Oneofthemostusefultechniquesforcreatingcontinuityistorepeatawordorphrasefromonesentenceinthenext(orinanearbysentence).Sometimeswritersrepeatthesubject(oruseapronounthatreferstoit):

DuskoPopov,theSerbianplayboy,wasnotasfecklessandapoliticalasheseemed.TheinvitationfromhisoldfriendJohnnyJebsentoworkforGermanintelligencewasanattractiveone.

—BenMacintyre,DoubleCross:TheTrueStoryoftheD-DaySpies

Sometimesawriterwillrepeatawordotherthanthesubject(oruseapronounthatreferstoit):

“ThisiswhatyoutaketoParis,”thegray-uniformedmansaid.Hehadopenedhistoolboxanddrawnoutanenvelope.Itwasamedium-sizedopaqueenvelope,unaddressed,sealed,notmuchbulkierthanifitcontainedathree-pageairmailletter.Hethrewitacrossthedesk.

—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

Othertechniquesforcreatingcontinuityincludeopeningasentencewithanadverbialphraseorclause(Anhourlater…orWhenwehadfinisheddinner…)

oracoordinatingconjunction.Professionalsalsouseappositives,nominativeabsolutes,andothersyntactictechniquestobringrelatedmaterialclosetogether.

Practice:CreatingFlow

Writeafewsentences,experimentingwithusingoneormoreofthetechniquesexplainedabovetocreateflow.

TheProsCreateContinuityReadthroughthefollowingexcerpt(fromarecentnonfictionbook),andnoticeyourreactions.Thenreadthroughitagain,seeingifyoucandiscoverhowthewriterkeepsthenarrativecontinuous,whilemovingusaround.

…Amotiondetectortriggeredasecondalarm.Thistimetheguard,24-year-oldGeirBerntsen,decidedthatsomethingwaswrong.Panickyandbefuddled,hethrashedabouttryingtosortoutwhattodo.Checkthingsouthimself?Callthepolice?Berntsenstillhadnotnoticedthecrucialtelevisionmonitor,whichnowdisplayedaladderstandingunattendedagainstthemuseum’sfrontwall.Norhadherealizedthatthealarmhadcomefromroom10,whereTheScreamhung.Berntsenphonedhissupervisor,whowasathomeinbedandhalf-asleep,

andblurtedouthisincoherentstory…Atalmostpreciselythesamemoment,apolicecarmakingaroutinepatrolthroughOslo’semptystreetshappenedtodrawneartheNationalGallery.Aglancetoldthetale:adarknight,aladder,ashatteredwindow.Thepolicecarskiddedtoastop…

—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist

Practice:CreatingFlow

Takealookatapassagefromawriteryoulikeandseeifyoucanfigureoutwhatshedidtocreatecontinuity.Thenimitatethattechnique.Youmightalso

liketotryrevisingsomeofyourownwritingtoincreaseyourreader’ssenseofcontinuity.

ComposingforEffect:StepsandLeapsWhenwewritetocreatecontinuity,weare,inasense,encouragingthe

readertoproceedinaparticulardirection,step-by-step.Butsometimeswhatwewantisnotcontinuity,buttemporarydiscontinuity:Wewantourreaderstotakementalleaps.

Therearealmostalwaysplacesinourwritingwherewemustinviteourreaderstotaketheseleaps:whenwetakeanewviewofasubject,changeascene,movebackorforwardintime,etc.Whenwechangedirectionsinthese(andother)ways,weneedtoremembertobringourreadersalongwithus.Skilledwritersknowhowtomakesuchleapseasyfortheirreadersbycarefullyorderingimages,ideas,andsyntacticelements,byusingtransitions,bymakinganewparagraphatjusttherightpoint,orbyaskilleduseoffreemodifiers.Theyalsousesomeofthesametechniquesthatcreateflow:repetitionofawordorphrase,orbeginningasentencewithanadverbial.

TheProsTakeLeaps

InthepredawngloomofaNorwegianwintermorning,twomeninastolencarpulledtoahaltinfrontoftheNationalGallery,Norway’spreeminentartmuseum.Theylefttheenginerunningandracedacrossthesnow.Behindthebushesalongthemuseum’sfrontwalltheyfoundtheladdertheyhadstashedawayearlierthatnight.Silently,theyleanedtheladderagainstthewall.Aguardinsidethemuseum,hisroundsfinished,baskedinthewarmthof

thebasementsecurityroom…—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist

[Stephen’s]firstexcitedreactiontoLondon—itsshops,itsrestaurants,itswell-dressedattractivewomen—hadfaded.Hesawitnowasaglitteringrhinestonesetinadingysetting.SupposinghewerebackinSouthAfricanow…Hefeltaquickpangof

homesickness.Sunshine—blueskies—gardensofflowers—coolblueflowers—hedgesofplumbago—blueconvolvulusclingingtoeverylittleshanty.Andhere—dirt,grimeandendlessincessantcrowds—moving,hurrying,

jostling…—AgathaChristie,AHolidayforMurder

Practice:MakingLeaps

Usetheaboveexamplesasamodel,orfindsomeexamplesofyourown.Noticehowthewriterenablesourmindstotakealeap;noticewheretheparagraphbreakscome.Andnotice,aswell,whattechnique(s)thewriterusestokeepusorientedasweleap.Imitatetheexamplesinawaythatfeelsusefultoyou.

Nowtakeapassageofyourownwritingthatcontainsatleastoneleap,andseeifyouneedtorewriteittoeaseyourreader’spath.(Leapsdemandmoreofareaderthanmovingstep-by-step.)Youcanalsotrythisexercisebyseeingifthere’sawaytotightenasprawlingpassageinyourworkbyomittingsomestepsandtakinga“leap”instead.

ParagraphsbyEar

Paragraphs,asyounodoubtlearnedinschool,aretoolsfororganizingsentences.Howyoudothatdependsonthekindofwritingyouaredoing:Aformalessayrequiresformal,logicalorganization;paragraphsinfictionrequireorganizationofimagesandnarrativeevents.Asyoustudyandimitateparagraphsfromyourchosenmodels,remembertouseyourwriter’seartolistentowheretheparagraphbreaksgo.Experimentwithbreakingaparagraphin

differentways,readyourworkoutloud,listenfortheversionthatworksbest,thathastheeffectyouwant.

StephenKinghascalledparagraphsthe“beat”ofastory.Listeningforthatbeatisonewayintotherealmofrhythminwriting—thesubjectofthenextchapter.

TakeTimetoReflect

Whatstandsoutforyouinthislesson?Arethereanypracticesyouwanttorevisit?

1 …thefollowingroles(amongothers).Nounscanalsomodifyothernounsandbeusedinanounseries.Formoreinformationontheseusesofnouns,consultyourgrammarbook.

Chapter14

WritinginRhythm

Itdon’tmeanathing,ifitain’tgotthatswing.—IraGershwin

Inthischapter,we’llbeenteringtherealmofsentencerhythm.SofarIhaveencouragedyoutouseyourwriter’searinanumberofdifferentways:Wehavelistenedforthemeaningsofwordsandtheirconnotations,forthedifferentqualitiesofwords,forpartsofspeech,andsoon.Inthischapter,we’llbeexploringyetanotherwaytouseourwriter’sear:tolistentotherhythmsoursentencesmake.We’llconcentrate,notonthemeaning(orthepictures)ourwordsaremaking,butontheirmusic.

TheMusicofLanguage

Oftenwhenpeopletalkabout“themusicoflanguage,”theymakeitsoundlikeamerefrill,somethingweaddto“dressup”plainwriting.Idon’tagreewiththisview.Attheheartoflanguage,Ihearmusic—word-music,akininmanywaystoinstrumentalmusicorsong.IagreewiththepoetRobertPinsky,whohassaid,aboutordinaryspeech,“Wesingtoeachotheralldaylong.”

How,then,aremusicandlanguagesimilar?Youcanthinkofitthisway:Spokenlanguage,likemusic,isastreamofsound;writing,likespeech,canmakeuseofthemusicalcharacteristicsofthatstreamofsound.Inthisworldofverbalmusicthere’smuchtoexplore.English,likeeverylanguage,ismadeup

ofcertainsounds;thesesoundshavecertainqualitiesandcanbearrangedaccordingtomusicalprinciples.

Inonechapterwecan’tcoverallofthetechniquesofmakingmusicwithlanguage,soherewe’llconfineourexplorationstotherhythmofsentences.Rhythminwriting,justlikerhythminmusic,comestousthroughourears.So,ifyouareinterestedinsentencerhythm,Iencourageyoutogetintotwoimportanthabits:one,slowdownasyoureadandwrite;andtwo,listentowordswithyourwriter’sear.

TheRhythmofSentences,Part1:RhythmPatternsWhenwespeakorwriteinEnglish,ourwordsaregroundedinrhythmbecause,topronouncewordscorrectly,westresscertainsyllablesandnotothers.APP-le,wesay,notapp-LE.PoetsworkingintraditionalformsfindwaystoorganizethestressedandunstressedsyllablesofEnglishintoregularpatterns.Prosewritersdon’ttendtoworkthisway:Insteadoforganizingsyllables,weusesyntacticelements(words,phrases,clauses,sentences)tocreaterhythmpatterns,patternsthatextend,likemusicalpatterns,intime.Tocreatethesepatternswemakeuseofatechniquethatisfundamentaltomusicalcomposition:repetitionandvariation.

CreatingRhythmwithRepetitionandVariation:SingleWords

Whenweusesinglewordstocreaterhythm,wehavetwooptions:

1. Wecanrepeatawordexactly.2. Wecanrepeatapartofspeech.

Inschoolwe’reoftentaughtthatweshouldneverrepeatawordinasentence,orinadjacentsentences.Butjustlistentowhattheprosdowithsimplerepetition:

Therainiseverfalling—drip,drip,drip—bydayandnightuponthebroadflaggedterrace-pavement,theGhost’sWalk.

—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse

…heknewthatthisdaywasgoingtobedifferent.Itwouldbedifferentalso,becauseashisfatherexplained,drivingDouglasandhisten-year-oldbrotherTomoutoftowntowardthecountry,thereweresomedayscompoundedcompletelyofodor,nothingbuttheworldblowinginonenostrilandouttheother.Andsomedays,hewenton,weredaysofhearingeverytrumpandtrilloftheuniverse.Somedaysweregoodfortastingandsomefortouching.Andsomedaysweregoodforallthesensesatonce.Thisdaynow,henodded,smelledasifagreatandnamelessorchardhadgrownupovernightbeyondthehillstofilltheentirevisiblelandwithitswarmfreshness.

—RayBradbury,DandelionWine

Oh,Ishouldneverhavecome,never.I’mhereagainstmybetterjudgment…

—DorothyParker,“ButtheOneontheRight”

Thewarhadmadehimfamous.NotasfamousasMurrow,thevoiceofLondon,andnotasfamousasQuentReynolds,nowthevoiceofthedocumentaries,butfamousenoughtogetapromisefromCollier’s…andthenthepresspasstoBerlin.

—JosephKanon,TheGoodGerman

Repetition,ratherthanbeingsomethingtobeavoidedatallcosts,isactuallyaveryusefultechnique.Whenwerepeatsomething,weemphasizeit:Wefocusthereader’sattention;weencouragehertodwellinthatparticularplace;weintensifyanexperience;andwemakerhythm.

Inadditiontorepeatingsinglewordsexactly,writersalsomakeuseoftheprincipleofrepetitionandvariationbyrepeatingapartofspeechwhilevaryingtheword.Wecan,forinstance,repeatadjectives,ornouns:

PoorMr.Arabin—untaught,illiterate,boorish,ignorantman!—AnthonyTrollope,BarchesterTowers

Oncetherewasasailor-girlandhernamewasJosslynAbelsea.Onlandshehadtriedthisandthat;shehadbeenawaitress,andabus-conductress,shehadbeenapostwomanandataxi-driver,butnoneofthesejobssuitedher.

—JoanAiken,“ABasketofWater”

Practice:RhythmwithSingleWords

Playwithmakingsentencesinwhichyourepeatasinglewordorasinglepartofspeech.Whatdoyounotice?

CreatingRhythmwithRepetitionandVariation:Phrases

I’msureyourememberphrases—thosegroupsofwordsthat“gotogether,”butthatdonotcontainasubjectandpredicate.Writersrepeatandvaryphrases,too,inordertogiverhythmtotheirsentences.

Occasionallytheyrepeatanentirephraseexactly:

Changeddays,Fennerthought,asBallardpaidtheirdriver,changeddaysfromNewYorkandBallard’sdoggednewscoverageoverattheUnitedNationswhenhehadalwayslookedasifheneededagoodsquaremeal,ahaircut,andstillmoreinformation.

—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

Moreoften,though,theywillrepeatacertainphrasestructureorphrasetype(nounphrase,adjectivephrase,prepositionalphrase,andsoon)whilevaryingthewords.Forexample:

ThisisthestoryofJohnSegrave—ofhislife,whichwasunsatisfactory:ofhislove,whichwasunsatisfied;ofhisdreams,andofhisdeath…

—AgathaChristie,“TheHouseofDreams”

Tiredofwalking,pushedabout,stunnedbythenoiseandconfusion,anxiousforherbrotherandthenurses,terrifiedbywhatshehadundergone;perplexedandfrightenedalikebywhathadpassedandwhatwasyetbeforeher,Florencewentuponherwearywaywithtearfuleyes…

—CharlesDickens,DombeyandSon

Hisincredibleuntidiness,hisaddictiontomusicatstrangehours,hisoccasionalrevolverpracticewithindoors,hisweirdandoftenmalodorousscientificexperiments,andtheatmosphereofviolenceanddangerwhichhungaroundhimmadehimtheveryworsttenantinLondon.

—SirArthurConanDoyle,“TheAdventureoftheDyingDetective”

Practice:RhythmwithPhrases

Playwithmakingsentencesinwhichyourepeatasinglephraseexactlyorrepeataphrasepatternorkindofphrasewhilevaryingthelanguage.Whatdoyounotice?

CreatingRhythmwithRepetitionandVariation:Clauses

Aclause,asyouremember,isagroupofwordsthat“goestogether”andcontainsasubjectandfiniteverb.Writersuseclauses,too,tocreaterhythm.

Exactrepetitionofaclause(thatis,repetitionofbothclausestructureandthewordsfillingthestructure)israre,butitcanbedone:

Theskywasstilldarkwhenheopenedhiseyesandsawitthroughtheuncurtainedwindow.Hewasuprightwithinseconds,outofbed,andhadopenedthewindowtostudythesigns.Itlookedgoodtohim,thedarkjust

beginningtofadeslightly,midnightblueblackgrowinggreyandmisty,throughwhichhecouldmakeoutthelastlightofadyingstar.Itlookedgoodtohim,acalm,pre-dawnhushwithoutabreathofwind,andnotashadowofcloudinthehighclearsky.

—EvaFiges,Light

Writersusuallyrepeataclausestructurewhilevaryingthelanguageintheclauses.Forinstance:

Therewasacrowdofkidswatchingthecarandthesquarewashot,andthetreesweregreen,andtheflagshungontheirstaffs,anditwasgoodtogetoutofthesunandundertheshadeofthearcadethatrunsallthewayaroundthesquare.

—ErnestHemingway,TheSunAlsoRises

Still,hewasgratefulforthecurrentofairevenifitwasstale,evenifthesuddencoolnesswasonlyanillusionmadebymotion.

—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair

Laytheselivesalongsideoneanother,bangthemtogether,holdthemuptothelightandyoucouldopenanentiretime.

—ShawnLevy,Ready,Steady,Go!

Practice:RhythmwithClauses

Playwithmakingsentencesinwhichyourepeatthestructureofclauseswhilevaryingthewords.Whathappenswhenyoudothis?

Practice:LearningfromthePros

Studyawriteryoulikeforthewayshecreatesrhythmthroughtheuseofrepeatedsinglewordsorpartsofspeech,phrasestructures,andclausestructures.Tryimitatingtherhythmofasentenceortwo.

TheEffectsofSyntacticRepetitionWhenwerepeatasyntacticstructurewhilechangingthewords,wecreatearegularkindofrhythm,asenseofbalance.(Thegrammaticaltermforthistechniqueisparallelism.)Throughtherepetitionofastructure,thereaderbeginstoanticipate,andthentoenjoy,thepleasureoffulfilledexpectation.Whenwethenvarythesyntacticstructure,wethrowthereaderoff-balancealittle:Wesurpriseher.Skilledwritersdon’tusethesetechniquesatrandom:Theychoosethemtocreateparticulareffects.Inadditiontocreatingrhythm,syntacticrepetitioncanmakeasentenceeasiertounderstand;itcansubtlyconnectthecontentoftherepeatedstructures;itcanemphasizesomething,creatinganemotionaleffect;itcancreateasenseofabundanceoroverload,ofsuspenseorresolution,andmore.

Practice:RepetitionofSyntacticStructuresforEffect

Studytheexamplesabove(orsomeofyourownchoosing),andconsidertheeffecttheyhaveonyou.Thenexperimentwithusingrepetitionandvariationofsyntacticstructurestocreatesomeeffectsofyourown.Takealookatsomepassagesfromyourwork-in-progresstofindplaceswhereyoumightrevisetocreateeffectsusingexactrepetitionorsyntacticrepetition.Askyourself,WhatdoIwantmyreaderstofeelrighthere?andseeifrepetitionwillhelpyoumakethathappen.

CreatingRhythmThroughRepetitionandVariation:SentenceStructures

PerhapsthemainwaythatwriterscreatesentencerhythmisbyrepeatingandvaryingthebasickernelstructureofEnglishsentences.You’llrememberthatthebasicstructureofalldeclarativesentencesinEnglishissubject—mainverb—complement/directobject.(Ifyouwanttoreacquaintyourselfwiththisstructure,takesometimenowtowritesomesentencekernels.)

ThebasicstructureofEnglishsentencescreatesafundamentalrhythmthatunderliesmostsentenceswewrite.Youmaywanttowriteafewmoresentences,keepingthatsubject-predicaterhythminmind.Readyoursentencesoutloud,hearingandfeelingtherhythminyourbody.

MakingPatternswiththeBasicSentenceStructureWhenwewriteonesentenceafteranotherusingthebasicsubject-predicatestructure,wearecreatingarhythmpattern:Wearerepeatingaparticularstructurewhilevaryingthewordseachtime.Listentotherepeatedkernelstructureinthesesentencesfromachildren’sbook:

Toaddidnotanswer.Hehadfallenasleep.FroglookedatToad’scalendar.TheNovemberpagewasstillontop.FrogtoreofftheNovemberpage.HetoreofftheDecemberpage.

—ArnoldLobel,“Spring,”inFrogandToadAreFriends

Afteracertainnumberofrepetitionsofthesimplesubject-predicatestructure,manywritersinstinctivelywanttovaryit.Here,forinstance,ishowLobel,writingforbeginningreaders,continueshisstory:

FroglookedatToad’scalendar.TheNovemberpagewasstillontop.FrogtoreofftheNovemberpage.HetoreofftheDecemberpage.AndtheJanuarypage,theFebruarypage,andtheMarchpage.

HecametotheAprilpage.FrogtoreofftheAprilpagetoo.

—ArnoldLobel,“Spring,”inFrogandToadAreFriends

Canyouhearhowthesentencerhythmchanges,thenreturnstoitsoriginalsubject-predicate“beat”?

Thistechniquemayseemsosimpleastobeuseless,butwhenyouhaveitdown,theeffectscanbemasterful.Readoutloudthefollowingpassage(alsofromachildren’sbook),listeningfortherhythms.Thenseeifyoucanrecognizethetechniquesthewriterusestovarythebasickernelstructure.(Theeasiestwaytodothisistoreduceeachsentencetoakernel,thentonoticewhathasbeenadded:anappositive,forinstance,oracompoundsubjectorpredicate.You’llalsonoticethatCrossley-Hollandusesexclamationsandaquestioninadditiontodeclarativesentences.)

Itwasanempty,oyster-and-pearlafternoon.Thewaterlippedatthesandandsortedtheshingleandlappedroundtherockwherethegirlwassitting.Thenshesawaseal,likeamassofseaweedalmost,untilshegazedinto

thoseeyes.Itswaminquiteclose,justtwentyorthirtywater-stepsaway.Shelookedattheseal;theseallookedather.Thenitbarked.Itcriedout

inaloudvoice.Shestooduponherrock.Shecalledouttotheseal:notawordbuta

sound,themusicwordsaremadeof.Thesealswaminalittlecloser.Itlookedatthegirl.Thenitcried.Oh!

Themoon’sedgeandamother’sachewereinthatcry.Thegirljumpedofftherock.Hereyesweresea-eyes,wideandflint-

grey.“Seal!”shecried.“Sea-woman!Whatdoyouwant?”—KevinCrossley-Holland,“Sea-Woman,”inBritishFolkTales

RepeatingandVaryingtheBasicSentenceStructure

Wehaveonlyahandfulofsyntacticstructurestoplaywith—butbyrepeatingandvaryingthemwecancreateaninfinitevarietyofrhythms.Let’sreviewthesentencestructureswecanuse,listeningtothedifferencesinthewaythestructuressound:

1.Fragment:Sometimesasentencecanbeamerefragment,madeupofonlyonewordorphrase.Forinstance(anexampleyou’veseenbefore)

Rats!Therewasaruinofrats.Arat-attack!Aplagueofrats.—KevinCrossley-Holland

2.Kernel:(alsoknownasasimplesentenceorindependentclause)

Toaddidnotanswer.Hehadfallenasleep.—ArnoldLobel

3.Kernel:(simplesentence)withcompoundsubject,verb,orobject/complement

BobandIburiedtheGameChickenthatnight…—JohnBrown,“RabandhisFriends”

SometimesFatherMacdowellmumbledoutloudandtookadeepwheezybreathashewalkedupanddowntheroom…

—MorleyCallaghan,“ASickCall”

Thehouseslookedpoorandsmall…—EvaIbbotson,“APlaceonthePiano”

4.Kernel:(elaboratedwithboundorfreemodifiers,orboth)

Hisprideandjoy,aNakamichitape-deck,wastastefullybroadcastingoneofhiscollectionoflate-night-listeningjazztapes:StanGetzorColemanHawkins.

—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses

5.Compoundsentence:twoormoreindependentclauses(elaboratedornot)joinedbycoordinatingconjunctions,asyndeton,orotherpunctuation:

Hehadacapeon,soakedwithrain,andtherainwasinbeadsinhishair.—V.S.Pritchett

6.Complexsentence:oneindependentclauseandoneormoredependentclauses:

Thepaininhiseyeswasthepainofamanwhohasbeguntoloseoneofthegreatpleasuresoflifeinthediscoverythatwecannevertrulyrememberanythingatall,thatweareforagreatpartofourlivesatthemercyofunchargedcurrentsoftheheart.

—SeanO’Faolain,“ATouchofAutumnintheAir”

7.Compound-complexsentence:twoormoreindependentclauseswithoneormoredependentclauses:

Theyjoltedouttothemainroad,andastheyambledalongtheytalked,anditseemedtohimthatitwasveryserioustalk,butheforgoteverywordofit.

—SeanO’Faolain,“ATouchofAutumnintheAir”

Wecanapplytheprincipleofrepetitionandvariationtosentencestructureintwomainways:

1. Byrepeatingasyntacticstructureusingdifferentwordseachtime.

2. Byvaryingthestructureofsentences.

Forexample:

Icame.Isaw.Iconquered.—JuliusCaesar

Mrs.Mooneywasabutcher’sdaughter.Shewasawomanwhowasquiteabletokeepthingstoherself:adeterminedwoman.Shehadmarriedherfather’sforemanandopenedabutcher’sshopnearSpringGardens.Butassoonashisfather-in-lawwasdeadMr.Mooneybegantogotothedevil.Hedrank,plunderedthetill,ranheadlongintodebt.Itwasnousemakinghimtakethepledge:hewassuretobreakoutagainafewdaysafter…

—JamesJoyce,“TheBoardingHouse”

Theyoungmanlookedup.Hiseyeswerebloodshot,dark-rimmed.Alean,angularface,bristlesontheunshavedchin.HisnamewasDavidCostello.NotDaveorDavy:David,he’dmadethatclear.

—IanRankin,TheFalls

Practice:LearningfromthePros

Takealookatapassagebyoneofyourfavoritewriters.Readitoutloud,listeningtotherhythmsofthesentences.Whatkindofeffectdoesthisrhythmcreate?Doesyourwriterrepeatacertainkindofsentencestructure?Howmanytimes?Howdoesshevarythatstructure?Nowcopythesentencerhythmofthepassagebyimitating,inorder,thekindsofsentencestructuresyourwriteruses.

Practice:SentenceRhythm

Chooseafewsentencestructurestopractice.Writeaparagraphinwhichyourepeatoneofthestructures,thenvaryitbywritingoneormoresentencesusingadifferentstructure.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?Readyourparagraphout

loud;howdoesthesentencerhythmsoundtoyou?Trythispracticeagainwithdifferentstructures,ifyou’rereadytodoso.

Practice:SentenceRhythm

Takeapassagefromyourownwritingandrewriteit,repeatingsomesentencestructuresandvaryingothers.Howdoesthepassagesoundtoyounow?

Thinkabouttheeffectyouwanttocreatebyarrangingthesedifferentsentencesstructures.Doyouneedtochangesomethingtocreatetheeffectyouwant?

RhythmandSentenceLengthAsyoudothesepractices,youareprobablynoticingthatsomeofyoursentencesareshort,andothersarelonger.Anotherwaytoplaywithsentencerhythmissimplytotuneyoureartotherelativelengthsofyoursentences,andtoexperimentwithvaryingtheirlengths.Notice,forinstance,inthefollowingparagraph,howConanDoylemakesuseofsentencesofdifferentlength:

Mrs.Hudson,thelandladyofSherlockHolmes,wasalong-sufferingwoman.Notonlywasherfirst-floorflatinvadedatallhoursbythrongsofsingularandoftenundesirablecharactersbutherremarkablelodgershowedaneccentricityandirregularityinhislifewhichmusthavesorelytriedherpatience.Hisincredibleuntidiness,hisaddictiontomusicatstrangehours,hisoccasionalrevolverpracticewithindoors,hisweirdandoftenmalodorousscientificexperiments,andtheatmosphereofviolenceanddangerwhichhungaroundhimmadehimtheveryworsttenantinLondon.Ontheotherhand,hispaymentswereprincely.IhavenodoubtthatthehousemighthavebeenpurchasedatthepricewhichHolmespaidforhisroomsduringtheyearsthatIwaswithhim.

—SirArthurConanDoyle,TheAdventureoftheDyingDetective

Practice:LearningfromthePros

Findapassagefromawriteryoulikeandexamineitforsentencelength.Writedownthepatternofshortandlongsentences,andthenimitatethatpattern.

Practice:SentenceLength

Writeaparagraphortwo,listeningforrepetitionandvariationinsentencelength.Readyourworkoutloud.Howdoesitsoundtoyou?

Trythistechniquetorevisesomethingyouhavewritten.Asyoudothesepractices,Isuspectyouwillnoticerightawaythatthese

techniquesofcreatingrhythmthroughrepetitionandvariationarepowerfulones.Repetitioncandriveapointhomeordirectourreaders’attentiontosomethingwewanttomakesuretheytakein.Variationkeepsourreaders’mindsengaged,keepsthemfrombecomingbored.Repeatingandvaryingthelengthofoursentences,liketheothertechniqueswe’veexploredinthischapter,giveourwritingamusicalquality,sothatitaffectsourreadersthewaymusicdoes,makingwhatwehavetosaymorememorable.Thistechniquecanevenenableustoaffectreadersemotionally,orphysically:Whathappensinreaders,forinstance,whenwegivethemoneshortsentenceafteranother?Whathappenswhenwegivethemlongersentences?

TheRhythmofSentences,Part2:MakingIt“Sing”Thisbookrestsonafundamentalbelief:Wordscanmakemagic.Skillfullyputtogetherintosentences,wordscantransferideasandimagesfromawriter’smindintothemindsofreaders—that,byitself,ispowerfulverbalmagic.Whenweexploitthemusicalcharacteristicsoflanguage,wecanmakeanotherkindofmagicwithourwords:Throughtheirsoundsandrhythms,ourwordscan“sing”toreaders,andmovetheminthewaymusicdoes.

Sofar,we’velookedathowrepeatingandvaryingtheelementsofsentencescanletusmakerhythmandcreatevariouseffects.Nowlet’slookatcreatingverbalmusicfromadifferentperspective:howto“makewordssing.”

(Naturally,thesoundsanddurationsofwordscontributeagreatdealtotheir“singing”—butthat’sasubjectforanotherbook.)Toexplore“singingonthepage,”wereturntoword-groups.

Whenwetalkaboutword-groups,wearetalkingaboutwordsthat“gotogether,”thatmakesensetogether.Usuallywhatwemeanby“word-group”isaphraseorashortclause;butsometimeswemightbereferringtoasentencefragment(incompletesentence)oraveryshortkernelsentence.

Whenwetalkaboutword-groups,wearealsotalkingaboutthetinypausesthatwemakebeforeandafterthesegroupsinordertoprocessthemproperlyaswereadandwriteandspeak.Linguistscallthesetinypausesinspokenlanguage“junctures,”bywhichtheymeanbreaksintheflowofsoundcomingoutofaspeaker’smouth.Thesedays,whenmanypeoplespeakveryfast,it’shardertohearthesejunctures.That’swhyit’ssoimportant,asyouread—andespeciallyasyoureadoutloud—toslowdown:Thatway,yourwriter’searcanactuallyhearthejuncturesinthewriting.

Thesetinybreaksbeforeandafterword-groups,then,arethewaywementallygroupwordstogetheraswespeak,listen,write,andread.Wemightthinkofthemasmentalbreathingspaces,wherewepausemomentarilytomakesurewehavetakeninthemeaningofonegroupofwordsbeforewemoveontothenext.Mostofthetime,ouragilebrainsengageinthisactivityofmakingandprocessingword-groupswithoutanyconsciousawarenessonourpart.Whenwewanttomakesurethatourreaderswillgatherourwordsintogroupsthewayweintend—andwhenwewantlongerpausesbetweengroups—wemakeuseofpunctuationtosetoffwordsandphrases,asfreemodifiers,clauses,andentiresentences.

Ifwewantto“sing”onthepage,weneedtohaveaconsciousunderstandingofword-groupsbecause,toborrowatermfrommusic,word-groupsenableusto“phrase”oursentences—andthephrasingofasentence,justlikethephrasingofalineofmelody,isoneofthethingsthatmakeswords“sing.”

Singingalwaysbeginswithbreath,andbreathiswhatshapesthephrasesofasong.Whenaskilledsingerphrasesatune,shemakesapause—abreathingplace—beforeandaftereachgroupofnotes;sometimesthispauseistiny,justthemeresthesitation,whileothertimesitcanlastforseveralseconds.Thebestsongwritersknowhowtoarrangewordsinasongsothattheverbalphrasescoincidewiththemusicalones,andsingerscantaketheirbreathsinwaysthatgivetheverbalphrasesmaximumimpact.Skilledwritersknowhowtophrasetheirsentencesinthesameway.

Thetechniquesweuseformusicalphrasingarethesameoneswelearnedinearlierlessons:Wecanusewords,phrases,clauses,andevenentiresentencesaselementswecan“phrase”thewaymusiciansphraseamelody.Inearlierlessons,though,wewerepracticingusingphrasesandclauses(especiallyasfreemodifiers)inordertomakemeaning.Allwe’redoingnowistakingadifferentperspectiveonthesametechniquesofchoosingandorderingsentenceelements:We’refocusingonhowthesetechniquescanhelpourwriting“sing.”Or,toputitanotherway,we’retalkingabouthowtoletourwritingbreathe.

Now,notallwrittensentencesbreathe.Mostsentenceswrittenbygovernmentbureaucrats,academics,corporateemployees—evenmanyjournalists—don’tbreatheatall.That’sbecausethosewriters“loadtheslots”oftheirsentencesratherthancreatephrases.(SeeanexampleinChapter11,“TheLimitationsofBoundModifiers.”)Manywritersoffictionandnonfictiondon’tknowhowtowriteinphraseseither—andsomeoftheirbooksenduponthebestsellerlists.Butwritingthatbreathesisalive;writingthatdoesnotisdead.Therealmastersoftheartofwritingalwaysknowhowtolettheirwordsbreatheandsing.Theyknowthatmusicallanguagegivespleasuretoreaders,andthatreaderswhoareexperiencingpleasurewillkeepturningthepages.

Whenwewantourownwordstosing,weneedtobeginwheresingersdo:withbreath.Asyoureadthefollowingpassagesoutloud,makesurethatyouareputtingbreathintothewords.Trytoexperienceeachphrasesetoffbypunctuationasa“unitofbreath,”sothatyoureallypausewhenthepunctuation

tellsyouto.Youwillprobablyalsofindyourselfmakingfractionalpausesbetweensomephrasesnotsetoffbypunctuation,suchasastringofprepositionalphrases.

TheProsSing

Hehadsurvivedbombingsandsinkingsandshatteredships,onlytobobupagain,joking,indestructible,survivingtobecomeoneofthebest-lovedflagofficersintheService.

—RosamundePilcher,“SpanishLadies”

Iffshookhisheadandspreadhisarmswide.“Impossible,”hesaid,“Nocando,it’soffthemenu,don’tevendreamaboutit.AccesstoGupCityinKahani,bytheshoresoftheOceanoftheStreamsofStory,isstrictlyrestricted,completelyforbidden,onehundredpercentbanned,excepttoaccreditedpersonnel;like,forinstance,me.Butyou?Nochance,notinamillionyears,noway,José.”

—SalmanRushdie,HarounandtheSeaofStories

Openingherhandsinagestureofentreaty,SusanCarstairslethishatfall,withasoftthud,uponthedelightfulbluecarpetoftheirdelightfuldining-room.Untilthatmomentneitherofthemrealizedshestillheldit.Butnowitdropped,rolled,vanished;andwiththehatwentherself-control.

—MargerySharp,“TheGirlintheGrass”

Why,thankyousomuch.I’dadoreto.Idon’twanttodancewithhim.Idon’twanttodancewithanybody.And

evenifIdid,itwouldn’tbehim.He’dbewelldownamongthelastten.I’veseenthewayhedances…Justthink,notaquarterofanhourago,here

Iwassitting,feelingsosorryforthepoorgirlhewasdancingwith.AndnowI’mgoingtobethepoorgirl.Well,well.Isn’titasmallworld?

—DorothyParker,“TheWaltz”

He…wonderedwhyhehadeverbeenfoolenoughtoentertheplace…Hemighthaveknown—heshouldhaveknown—fromthemomentthathesethisfootinsidethedoor,thatitwouldbejustlikeanyotherwaysidemotoringhotel,onlymoreso,wherethesoupcameoutofatin,andthefishhadbeentoolongontheice,andfartoolongoffit,wheretheentréewasyesterday’sjointwithsomethinghorribleaddedtoit,andthejointwasjustaboutfittomaketomorrow’sentrée,wheretoughlittlecubesofpineappleandtastelessroundsofbananajoinedtocomposethefruitsalad,wherefreshdessertwasnon-existent—intheheartofthecountry,inmid-August!butthenitwasforty-twomilesfromCoventGarden—wherebottlesofsaucestoodunashamedoneverytable,andwherethecoffee—helookeddownagainathishalf-emptycup,andfeltforacigarettetotakeawaythetaste.

—CyrilHare,SuicideExcepted

Practice:MakeItSing

Rememberingthateachphraseisaunitofbreath,writesomesentenceswhilerepeatingandvaryingsentencestructures,usingthelistfrom"RepeatingandVaryingtheBasicSentenceStructure,"locatedearlierinthischapter.Inthisexercise,don’tworryaboutwhichparticularstructuresyouareusing.Rather,trustyourtrainedwriter’smindtogiveyouwhatyouneed,andkeepyoureartunedtothepausesthatcreatethe“phrasing”ofyoursentences.Relax,don’tforgettobreathe—andletyourselfgo!Ifyoulike,imaginethatyouare“singingonthepage”asyouwrite,saying(orevenhalfsinging)thewordsaloudasyouputthemdown;letthemusicofthewordslead.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?

Practice:MakeItSing

Nowtrywritingsomesentenceswhilepayingattentiontothelengthofyourphrases,clauses,andsentences.(Thisisjustanotherwayofconsideringphrasing.)Applytheprincipleofrepetitionandvariationasyoudothis(thatis,repeatandvarythelengthofyourphrases,clauses,andsentences.)Whathappenswhenyoutrythis?

Practice:MakeItSing

Examineapassagefromafavoritewriter(ortheexamplesabove)andnotehowthewriter“phrases”sentenceelements(singlewords,phrases,clauses,sentences).Tryimitatinghisphrasing.

Practice:MakeItSing

Takeapassagefromyourownworkandreviseitforphrasing.Tryto“makeitsing.”Howdidthatgo?

PhrasingandEmphasisandRhythmReadthefollowingsentencealoudandnoticewhichwordyoustress:Imadeapie.

Mostlikelyyoustressedthewordpie,forEnglishspeakershaveapredispositiontoemphasize,ineachbreathunit,oneparticularword(morespecifically,thestressedsyllableofthatword).Typically,inspokenEnglish,thewordinasentencethatgetsthemoststresscomesatorneartheendofthesentence:Imadeapie.

Often,aswespeak,wechangethispatterntocreateadifferentkindofemphasis:

Imadeapie.(Ididit,notsomeoneelse.)

Imadeapie.(Ididn’tbuyitatthestore.)

Inwriting,whenweneedtoalterthenaturalemphasisinasentence,weuseitalics,asinthesentencesabove.Italicsareatypographicaldevicetocreateemphasis;theyareeasytouse,butalsoeasilyoverused.Insteadofrelyingontypography,wecandrawonourknowledgeofsyntacticstructuresandphrasingtocreateemphasis.

TherearethreeplacesinasentencewhereEnglishspeakerstypicallyplaceemphasisorstress:attheendofthesentence,attheendofasmallerbreath-unit(wordorphraseorclause)withinthesentence,andatthebeginningofthesentence.Carefulreaderssubvocalizeastheyread(whichmeansthattheyunconsciouslyusespeechmuscles,buttheydon’tuttersounds);skilledwritersmakesuretoputthematerialtheywanttoemphasizeintheplacesthatreceivenaturalemphasisinspeech.Theyknowthat,unconsciously,readerswillbepayingattentiontotheseplacesandwillbeassumingthatthematerialplacedthereisimportant.

Supposewewritethissentence:Wefoundagreenandquietplacetorest,besideastream.Ifwewanttoemphasizethewordstream,thenthissentenceconstructionworks.Butwhatifwewanttoemphasizequiet?Thenweneedtocalluponourknowledgeofsyntaxandphrasingtocomeupwithadifferentsentence,perhapssomethinglikethis:Besideastreamwefoundaplacetorest,aplaceemptyandgreenandquiet.Themeaningofthetwosentencesisvirtuallythesame,butbecausethephrasinghaschanged,theemphasisisdifferent,andsotheeffectonthereaderisdifferent.

Writersoftenmakeuseofthewordsitandthereastoolsforcreatingsentenceemphasis,enablingthemtoinvertsubjectandverbtoplacetheemphasisonthesubject:

Inaholeintheground,therelivedahobbit.—J.R.R.Tolkien,TheHobbit

Inmusic,everynoteisnotgivenequalstress;it’sthewaythestressednotesarerepeatedandvariedthat,amongotherthings,createtherhythmofamelody.Generallyspeaking,inEnglish,weemphasizecontentwords(morespecifically,thestressedsyllablesinthesewords);werarelyemphasizefunctionwords.Whenwelearnhowtophraseforemphasis,wecallourreader’sattentiontoparticularwords.Atthesametime,ourphrasescreatepatternsofstressedandunstressedsyllables,whichcontributetotherhythmsofourprose.

Practice:PhrasingandEmphasis

Readtheexamplesfrom“TheProsSing”again,outloud,noticinghowthephrasingleadsyoutoemphasizecertainwordsandnotothers.Imitatethephrasingandemphasisofoneormoreofthesesentences.

Practice:PhrasingandEmphasis

Writesomesentences,payingattentiontohowyoucancreateemphasisthroughphrasing.Readyoursentencesoutloud,askingyourselfiftheemphasisisontherightwords.Revisethesentencesifyouneedto.

Practice:PhrasingandEmphasis

Reviseapassagefromyourwork-in-progressforphrasingandemphasis.

PhrasingandEmbodimentWhilewriting,haveyoueverhadtheexperienceofsensing,inavisceralway,yourmaterial?Perhaps,forinstance,there’satensefeelingtothesceneyouaretryingtowrite;orperhapsthere’sasenseofpeacefulness.Ifyou’vehadthisexperienceofregisteringyourcontentphysically,youmayalsohavestruggledtofindtherightwordstotransmitthosephysicalsensationstoreaders.Whilewordchoiceis,naturally,importanthere,phrasingprovidesyouwithanotherpowerfultooltogetyourreadersunderyourspell.

Withphrasingyoucanguidethespeedatwhichyourreader(assumingyouhaveacarefulreader)movesthroughyoursentences;youcan,throughthe

arrangementandrhythmsofphrases,affectyourreadersviscerally.Aswe’vejustseen,carefulphrasing(includingwhereyouplacefreemodifiers)pointsyourreaders’attentiontowardsthemostimportantwordsandphrasesinasentence,givingthosewordsandphrasesmaximumimpact.Intheseandotherways,thewayyouphraseasentencecanhelpyoudomorethanjusttransmityourmeaningintellectually;itcanhelpyouembodywhatyouhavetosay—thatis,itcanhelpyoumirrorthroughsyntaxtheexperienceyouaretryingtoconvey.

Here’sSeanO’Faolainpresentinganoldman’smemoryofanexperiencewithagirlwhenhewasaboy.Readthisoutloud,noticinghowboththepunctuationandthegroupingofwordswithoutpunctuation,encourageyouto“sing”thesentences:

Hehandedit[apieceofcandy]toherwithasmile;sheatoncepoppeditintohermouth,laughingathisfolly.Astheyambledalongso,slowly,chattingandchewing,thedonkey’shooveswhisperingthroughthefallenbeach-leaves,theyheardhighabovethebarearchesofthetreesthefainthonkingofthewild-geesecalleddownfromtheNorthbytheOctobermoon.

—SeanO'Faolain,"ATouchofAutumnintheAir"

Whatdidyounotice?OneofthethingsIloveaboutthispassageisthewayO’Faolainmakesus

phrasethewordslowly.Becauseweareforcedbythepunctuationtopausebeforeandafterthisword,thewordisemphasized,makingitstandout.Atthesametime,becauseofthewayO’Faolainphrasesthatpartofthesentence,we,likethecharacters,areforcedtoslowdown.Inotherwords,thesentenceconveysitsmeaningnotonlyintellectually,butalsoactuallyembodieswhatitsays.

Here’sanotherexample:

Thegirllookedaroundtoseeiftherewasanywater—apool,evenapuddle—inwhichtowashherself.Thenshesawthewell,andplumpedherselfdownbesideit.Atonceagoldenheadcameup,singing.

—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThreeHeadsoftheWell”

Whatdoyouthinkofthephrasinginthesesentences?Howdoesthephrasingoftheword“singing”andofthewords“apool,evenapuddle”affectyouasareader?Tomyear,thewayCrossley-Hollandsetsofftheword“singing”—especiallythewayheplacesthewordattheendofthesentence,whereitgetsemphasis—makesmefeelIamexperiencingtheheadcomingoutofthewellthesamewaythegirldid:Firstshenoticedthatitwasgolden,thenshenoticedthatitwas—amazingly!—singing.Here,too,thesyntaxofthesentenceembodiesinwordstheparticularactionsthesentenceisconveying.

Passageslikethesedemonstratethepoweroursyntacticchoiceshavetoshapeareader’sexperience.

Nowreadthefollowingpassages(someofwhichyou’veseenbefore),listeningforrhythm,phrasing,andemphasis.Arethereanyplaceswhereyoufeelthatthesyntaxofasentenceisgivingshapetoexperienceinawaythatletsussharethatexperience?

ThismorningallwasquietonBarrowDown.Thewarwasover.Therabbitsnibbledthedewygrassboldly,andthelarkroseinthebrilliantair,higher,higheronitsspun-glassspiralofsong,knowingnothingofpeaceorwar,acceptingjoyouslythebountyofanotherday.

—MolliePanter-Downes,OneFineDay

Shehadarealinspector’seyes:theyworkedintoyourconscience,sniffingoutguiltandguileanddrive,seekinggive.

—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses

Itwasthebluehour,dusk.AllthecolorsintheroombegantofadebeforetheKing’seyes.Theredsilkcounterpane,thesheepskinrug,theyellowrushesonthefloor,thesprigsofsilverbirch:theyalltookonthedun-colorofthecoldstonewalls.Thekingdomofthedaywasdeclining.

—KevinCrossley-Holland,HaveloktheDane

Thenthecreepingmurderer,theoctopus,stealsout,slowly,softly,movinglikeagraymist,pretendingnowtobeabitofweed,nowarock,nowalumpofdecayingmeatwhileitsevilgoateyeswatchcoldly.

—JohnSteinbeck,CanneryRow

DuringmealsFritzalwaysanswersthedoor,onaccountofWolfe’sfeelingthatthemainobjectiontoatombombsisthattheymayinterruptpeopleeating.ThroughtheopendoorfromthediningroomtothehallIsawFritzpassonhiswaytothefront,andamomentlaterhisvoicecame,tryingtopersuadesomeonetowaitintheofficeuntilWolfehadfinishedlunch.Therewasnoothervoice,butthereweresteps,andthenourvisitorwasmarchinginonus—amanaboutWolfe’sage,heavy-set,muscular,red-faced,andobviouslyaggressive.

—RexStout,“ManAlive”

Practice:PhrasingandEmbodiment

Useanyofthetechniquesyouhavelearnedsofartopracticewritingsentencesthatembodyanexperienceforyourreaders.Youcaninventsentencesonasubject,orreviseapassageofyourownwork,orimitateapassagebyafavoritewriter.

PhrasingandVoice

Thesedaystheconceptof“voice”getsalotofattentioninbooksandworkshopsonwriting;agentsandeditorsclaimthatwhattheyaremostlookingforisa

“freshvoice.”Butwhatdoes“voice”inwritingmean?Manywritingteachersandliterarycriticsapparentlyseeawriter’svoiceasafunctionofherpsychology;toaccessyourvoice,theytellaspiringwriters,youmustconcentrateondiggingdeepinsideyourself.

AsIsaidearlier,Ibelievethatthisparticularviewofvoiceiswrong.Evenmore,thisviewcanbeverydamagingtoaspiringwriters.Itmakesthemconcentrateonthemselves,ratherthanontheworkofwriting.Itplaces“voice”intherealmofthepsyche,ratherthanwhereitbelongs,intherealmoflearningthecraft.

JohnFairfaxandJohnMoatfoundedthefamousArvonworkshopsforwritersinEngland.Intheirbook,TheWaytoWrite,theystateunequivocallythatawriter’svoiceishisindividualuseoflanguage.Theirwordsareworthhearingagain:“Itisonlybyworking,”theysay,“bywriting,bypracticingtheartlongandregularlythatawriterdevelopshisear;i.e.,thatsensewhicheventuallyenablesawritertohearwherethepowerofthewordliesand,ultimately,hisownvoice.”

Icompletelyagreewiththisview;that’swhyIwrotethisbook.Ultimatelyallthetechniquespresentedherearedesignedtohelpyoulearnenoughaboutthecraftsoyoucandevelopyourownstyle,yourownvoice.

Oneofthemostimportantofthesevoice-buildingtechniquesisphrasing.Asyoureadtheexamplesgiveninthischapter,youundoubtedlycouldhearthattheysoundeddifferent:Therearedifferentlengthsofphrasesandclauses,differentpatternsofstructure.Thesamethingistruewhenwriterscreatecharacters:Givingeachpersonacharacteristicrhythmofspeechhelpscreatethatcharacter’svoice.

SoIencourageyoutokeeptuningyoureartothewayyourfavoriteauthorsphrasetheirsentences,andtokeeppayingattentiontoyourownphrasingasyouwriteandrevise.Eventually,asMoatandFairfaxmakeclear,thisdedicatedpracticewillleadyoutoyourowndistinctivevoiceonthepage.

Practice:PhrasingandVoice

Chooseapassagefromafavoritewriterandpaycloseattentiontothewayitsphrasingcreatesvoice.Nowwriteapassageofyourown,imitatingthatphrasingexactly.Whatdoyounotice?

Invent“voiceexercises”foryourself.Forinstance,giveyourselfanassignmenttowritetensentences,eachofwhichcontainstwoprepositionalphrases,ortrywritingtensentencesthatbeginwithkernels,followedbyoneormoresinglewordmodifiers.Trytofeelthephrasingrhythmsasyouwrite.Then,asyoureadyoursentencesoutloud,hearthoserhythms,feeltheemphasis.

Gobacktoanyofthesyntaxpracticesfromearlierinthebookanddothemwithanearforthemusicofyoursentences,aswellastheirmeaning.

TakeTimetoReflect

Whathasstoodoutforyouinthischapter?Whichtechniquesdoyouwanttocontinuepracticing?

Section6

UsingYourPower

Chapter15

PowerandResponsibility

Whenwecantakethegreenfromgrass,bluefromheaven,andredfromblood,wehavealreadyanenchanter’spower—upononeplane;andthedesiretowieldthatpowerintheworldexternaltoourmindsawakes.Itdoesnotfollowthatweshallusethatpowerwellonanyplane.Wemayputadeadlygreenuponaman’sfaceandproducehorror;wemaymaketherareandterriblebluemoontoshine;orwemaycauseweedstospringwithsilverleavesandramstowearfleecesof

gold,andputhotfireinthebellyofthecoldworm.—J.R.R.Tolkien

TheDanceofWriting

AtthebeginningofthisbookItalkedaboutthetwokindsofwriter’smind:contentmindandcraftmind;Idistinguishedbetweenlarge-scalecraftandthecraftofmakingsentences,thelatterrequiringatrainedwordmind.Althoughwehavenowspentfourteenchaptersconcentratingontrainingthewordmind,youprobablyfound,inpracticing,thatyousometimescameupwithideasandmaterialyouwanttouseforastory,orapoem,oranessay.Forthepurposesofpractice,weseparatethetwominds,buttheyarenaturallyintertwined.Aswewriteandrevise,weswitchbackandforthbetweenthesetwominds,oneminutefocusinghardonwhatwewanttosay,oronmakingapicturemorevividinourmind,andthenextseekingjusttherightwordtoconveythatthoughtorvision.AsIhavesaidearlier,thisback-and-forthmovementbetweencontentandcraft

remindsmeofadance,withfirstonepartnerleading,thentheother.Ifinditquitemiraculousthatourtwomindscanpartnereachotherinthisway,movingsocloselytogetherthatsometimesitseemsourwordmindisgivingusideasforcontentandourcontentmindisleadingustowords.

Asyounowknow,practicewillstrengthenyourwordmindsothatitcancollaboratewellwithyourcontentmindandbeanequalpartnerinthedance.(Thesameistrueforpracticesthatstrengthenyourcontentmind.)Practicewillsetyoufreetoenjoytheexperienceofthedanceofwriting:thatback-and-forthmovement,theexhilarationofthosemomentswhenbothpartnersareachievingthebesttheyarecapableof.

It’sinsuchmoments,whenallourfacultiesareworkingwell,andworkingtogether,thatwecanexperienceasenseofourpoweraswriters,aconfidenceinourabilities,afeelingofmasteryofourcraft.Afterworkingthroughtheexercisesinthisbook,youhavehad,Ihope,afewofthesemoments.

TheJourneyTowardsMastery

Ihope,too,thatyouwanttocontinueyourjourneytowardsmasteryinmakingsentences.There’salottolearn;andinthisbookIhavepresentedonlysomebasics.Inthe"ForFurtherReading"listattheendofthebookyouwillfindanumberofresourcestohelpyoukeepbuildingyourskills.

Youwillbeabletomakethebestuseoftheseresourcesifyouthinkofyourlearningasanongoingjourney.Everyexpert,inanyfield,eventuallybecomesherowncoach.Youcandothesamething.Keepcheckinginwithyourselftoseewhichskillsyouneedtolearnorpracticerightnow,thenfigureoutwhichbookorteachertoconsulttohelpyoulearnthoseskills.

Here’sapracticetohelpyoubecomeyourowncoach,oneIencourageyoutoreturntofrequently.Itwillhelpyouestablishandstayonyourownlearningpath.

Practice:BecomingYourOwnCoach

Iinviteyounowtotakesometimetothinkaboutthisbookfromthepointofviewofyourownlearningjourneyasawriter.Usethefreewriting(nonstopwriting)technique,ifyoufindthathelpful,andletthefollowingquestionsserveasaguideforyourreflections.

Whathaveyoulearnedfromthisbook?Whatcanyoudonowwithwordsthatyoucouldn’tdobefore?Makealistofalltheskillsyoufeelyounowhave.Marktheonesyouespeciallywanttokeeppracticing.

Next,makesomenotestoyourselfabouthowyouwanttocontinueyourlearningjourney.Whereisyourpresent“learningedge”—theplacewhereyouareonthevergeofunderstandingsomethingnew,theplacewhereyoucanseetheroadofyourfurtherlearningunrollingbeforeyou?Whatdoyouwanttoknowaboutwritingnow?Whatdoyouwanttobeabletodothatyoucan’tquitedoyet?Makealistoftheskillsyouneedtoworkon.

Nowconsiderthis:Howcanyoulearnthethingsyouwanttolearn?Aretherebooksyoumightread?Peopleyoucantalkwith?Writerstostudyandlearnfrom?Mostofall:Whatarethepracticesyouwanttokeepusingregularly?Perhapsyoumightliketomakea“learningplan”foryourselfforthenextfewmonths.

Asyoudothisreflecting,Ihopeyouwillkeepinmindthatbecomingawriterisalifelonglearningjourney.Youdon’thaveto“getit”allatonce.IencourageyoutotaketoheartthesewordstheGermanpoetRainerMariaRilkewrotetoayoungaspiringpoetwhohadsoughthisadvice:“Strivealwaystobeabeginner.”

Ilovethatpieceofadvicebecauseitremindsmethatlearningiscyclical,notlinear.Justasamajorleaguehittertakesbattingpracticealmosteveryday,practicingthesamemovesoverandover,sowewriterscanpracticethesamethingseveryday,thesamebasics.Wecangodeeper,ratherthanfurther,inourlearning,noticingnewthings,gettingnewinsightintoourownlearningprocessandthenatureoflanguage.

PracticingintheWork

SomeyearsagoIheardthebaseballplayerSeanCasey,thenwiththeRedSox,beinginterviewedbyJoeCastiglione,theRedSoxradiobroadcaster.Caseyhadn’tbeenplayingmuch,andJoeC.askedhimhowhekepthisskillssharp.Caseyreplied,“EvenwhenI’mnotinthelineup,Ipracticeeveryday,Itakemycutsinbattingpractice.IneedtostayreadyincaseIgetcalledintoagame.”

Likeathletesandmusicians,wewritersneedtopractice,evenwhenwe’renotengagedinawork-in-progress,sothatwecankeepourskillssharp,sowecanbe“inshape”whenwewantto(orhaveto)writeafinishedpiece.

Wecanalsoseepracticeassomethingthatwecando“inthework”—thatis,aswearewritingandrevisingourwork-in-progress.Eachwriterneedstofindhisownwayofpracticinginthework.Manywriters,forexample,setasideallconsiderationsofcraftastheywriteadraftandinsteadconcentrateentirelyonwhattheywanttosay.Then,whentheyrevise,theybringawell-trainedcraftmindtobearonthesentencesandparagraphstheyhaveproduced.Otherwritersaimforthe“dance”Idescribedabove,allowingcontentmindandcraftmindtocollaborateastheywriteandrevise.

Yetanotherapproachtopracticingintheworkistoselectoneortwocraftskillsandbeawareofthemasyouwriteyourstory,poem,oressay.Youmight,forinstance,saytoyourself,“AsIwritethisstory,I’mgoingtoconcentrateonnouns,”or“AsIwritethispoem,I’mgoingtotrytoincludeinterrogativeandexclamatorysentences.”

Perhapsyoufeelthatsettingsuchgoalsistooartificial,thatitwillinterferewithyourcreativity.Forthepastseveraldecades,mostcreativewritinginstructionhasequatedcreativitywithcompletefreedom.Butthetruthisthat,inordertoworkatitsbest,ourcreativefacultyneedslimits.

Practice:UseSelectedSkillsinYourWork

Selectoneortwoskillsyouhavelearnedandfocusonthemasyouwriteashortpieceorasectionofalongerwork-in-progress.Afterwardstakesometimetoreflect:Howdidthisgo?Whatdidyounotice?

Ifyoufindthispracticeuseful,makeitpartofyourrepertoire.Ialsoencourageyoutospendsometimethinkingaboutotherwaysyoumightpracticeinthework,asyougoaboutproducingandrevisingyourdrafts.Youcanalsopracticeintheworkwhenyouwritee-mailsorblogposts,businessmemos,reports,academicpapers—oranythingelse.

Rememberthatwhileyouwillundoubtedlyexperiencethosemomentswhenwritingfeelslikeadanceinwhichyoucannotputafootwrong,likeallpeakexperiences,thesemomentsarefleeting.Professionalathletesandmusiciansspendhourseverydayinpractice;theirperformanceslastonlyafewhours.Ifweseepracticeonlyasawaytoimproveourperformance,wemaybeverydisappointedwhentomorrow’schapterdoesnotgoaswellastoday’s.Practice,ultimately,isawaytoliveaswriters,awaytobewritersallthetime,notjustwhenthingsaregoingwell.

Aswithmostthings,thereismuchaboutwritingthatwecannotcontrol:whetherideascometouswhenweneedthem,whetherreaderslikeourwork,whetheragentsandeditorsdeemitworthyofpublication.Butpracticeissomethingwecanalwayschoosetodo,andwhenwemakethatchoice,wereceivemanybenefitsinadditiontotheimprovementofwritingskills.

TheBenefitsofTheMasteryPath

Writingpracticegivesusanopportunitytodoanactivityweloveanytime,anyplace.Toproduceadraftofapieceofwritingwewantotherstoreadisalotofwork;it’sacomplexactivity,likeplayingacompletegameofbasketball,soitrequiresaconsiderableamountoftime,energy,andmentalspace.Buttopracticeoneparticularwritingskill—well,wecandothatjustaboutanytimewewant,

especiallyifwealwayshaveourwriter’snotebooknearby.Becauseourfocusisnarrowedtoonespecificaspectofwriting,wecanmakeuseoftinywindowsofpracticingopportunityduringourbusydays:fiveminuteshere,tenminutesthere.

Suchdedicationtopracticedoesmoreforusthanbuildourwritingskills:Itimprovesourabilitytoconcentrate.Everytimewefocusourattentionondoingonespecificwritingexercise,wealsogiveourselvespracticeinanessentiallifeskill:beingawareofourattentionandfocusingitinaparticulardirection.AsBenHogan,theworld-classgolfer,onceexplained,“WhileIampracticing,Iamalsotryingtodevelopmypowersofconcentration.Ineverjustwalkupandhit

theball.” JustasHoganthenbroughthisimprovedpowersofconcentrationtoperformancesituations,sowecanbringourhonedattentionalabilitiestoourwork-in-progress.Justasimportant,inourworldwheredistractionisawayoflife,gainingcontroloverourattentionthroughpracticeisaskillthatwillserveuswellintheworldbeyondwriting.

Dedicationtopracticeteachesuspatience,aswell.Youhaveprobablyalreadydiscovered,inusingthisbook,thatsometimesyoudidn’tunderstandaskillrightaway.Sometimes,onyourlearningjourney,youprobablyfeltyouwerestuck,notmovingforward.

Thisexperiencemayhavemadeyoufeelveryfrustrated;perhapsyouweretemptedtogiveup.Perhapsyouevensaidtoyourself,“I’llnevergetthis!”Oreven,“Ijustcan’twrite.”Thesethoughtsandfeelingsareverycommonwhenwetakealearningjourney.Acertainamountoffrustration,infact,isaninevitablepartoflearning.That’sbecausefrustrationvisitsusonlywhenwetrytodothingswedon’talreadyknowhowtodo.Butifwedoonlythosethingswecanalreadydo,thenweneverlearnanythingnew.

Thosepeoplewhobecomeexpertsintheirfieldsarenotthosewhoarenecessarilynaturallygifted;theyarethosewhodon’tgiveupinthefaceoffrustration.AlbertEinstein,forinstance,oncesaid,“It’snotthatI’msosmart,

1

it’sjustthatIstaywithproblemslongerthanmostpeople.” It’sthatabilitytostaywithproblems,towrestlewiththethingswecan’tdo,thatdistinguishesthosewhobecomemastersintheirfield.

Wealsoneedpatienceforthosetimesinourlearningjourneywhennothingseemstobehappening.GeorgeLeonard,awriter,teacher,andblackbeltinaikido,hascalledthesetimes“theplateau,”andhehaswrittenthat,ifwewantto

makeprogressatourchosenactivity,weneedtolearntolovetheplateau.Directingourownlearning;dedicatingourselvestopractice;persistence;

patience:Thesearethecharacteristicsofthosewhohavechosenthepathtomastery.Wedon’thavetobebornwiththesecharactertraits,whicharesoimportanttosuccessinlife;wecanbuildthemthroughdedicationtoanypractice,includingwriting.

Perhapsthegreatestbenefitwecanderivefrompractice,apartfrombuildingourskills,isthatwritingpracticeisgoodforourbrains.Evenifwenevergetpublished,everytimewedoawritingpractice,wearebuildingthementalmusclesinthepartsofourbrainthathavetodowithlanguage.

Finally,andmostimportant,whenwededicateourselvestowritingpractice,weprovideourselveswithacertainkindofpleasure:thepleasureoflearningsomethingnew,thepleasureofmovingtowardsmastery.

FromPlaytoDeliberatePractice

Ihavesaidthatpracticeisaformofplay;andIhavesuggestedthatsuchplaygivesuspleasure.Ihaveinsistedonthesethingsbecausesomanypeoplethinkofpracticeasmindless,boringdrillstobeavoidedatallcost.Forthosenewtopracticeasalearningpath,theremustbe,Ithink,animmediaterewardintheformofafeelingofsatisfactionorpleasure.

It’salsotrue,though,thattheexpertiseresearchers(seeChapter2)insistthatpracticeisnotfun.TheyaretalkingaboutwhatK.AndersEricssoncalls

2

3

“deliberatepractice,”whichhedefinesas“considerable,specific,andsustained

effortstodosomethingyoucan’tdowell—orevenatall.”Isthiskindofintensepracticenecessaryforwriters?Isuspectitis—atleast

forthosewhoaspiretobecomeoutstanding.Certainlyrepetitionisthekeytolearningskills,inanyfield;likeathletesandmusicians,aspiringwritersneedtopracticetheirskillsrepeatedly,untiltheybecomesecondnature.Thosewhowanttobecomeexpertsalsocontinuallychallengethemselvesbycombiningskills,pushingtheir“learningedge”justalittlebitfurther.Youcandothis,too.Onceyou’vemasteredafewofthetechniquesinthisbook,challengeyourselfbyinventingpracticesinwhichyouusethesetechniquestogether:See,forexample,ifyoucanwritewithconcretewordswhilealsousingboundmodifiers;ortrytowriteacompoundsentencethatincludesfreemodifiers.

Anotherkeyelementofdeliberatepracticeistocomparewhatyouhaveproducedwithamodelofexcellence.TheeliteperformersEricssonandhiscolleaguesstudieddidthisroutinely,bycomparingtheirownperformancewiththeperformanceofpeoplewhohadbetterskills.Theywouldthenexaminetheirownabilitieswithacriticaleye,assessingwhattheydidwellandwhattheystillhadtoworkon.It’sfairlyeasytodothiskindofassessmentinsportsormusic;it’salotmoredifficultwithwriting.That’sbecausethereisnosinglestandardforexcellenceinwriting,nothingwecanquantifythewaywecancountpointsscoredorstolenbases,tobeabletosay,“Thisperson’sperformanceisthebest.”Still,Idothinkit’spossibleforwriterstochoosetheirownmodelsofexcellence.Inthisbook,Ihaverepeatedlyinvitedyoutolearnfromwriterswhoseworkyoulove.Ifyouwanttomakemoreconscioususeoftheprinciplesofdeliberatepractice,thenusewhatyouhavelearnedtoidentifyyourchosenwriter’sskills.Thenaskyourselfwhetheryoucandothosethings—ordothemaswell.Ifnot,seeifyoucanfigureoutexactlywhatyourmodelwritercandothatyoucan’t,andthenworkonthoseskills.

4

Becomingaskilledwritertakestime,lotsofit.Youmayfindyourselfwishingthatsomeonewouldjusttellyouexactlywhatyouaredoingwrong—orright.Perhapsatthispointyouwillwanttolookforateacherorawritingcoach.Peoplewhowanttobethebestatwhattheydodeliberatelyseekoutcoacheswhocanhelpthemworkontheirweaknesses.Atthesametime,though,mosttopperformershavelearnedhowtocoachthemselves;theystudytheirownwork,identifytheproblems,andlearnhowtofixthem.Evenprofessionalwritersarealwayslearninganddevelopingtheirskills.AsImentionedinmyfirstbook,HowtoBeaWriter,LeoTolstoyoncehappenedtopickuponeofhisownearlybooksatthehouseofafriend.Afterglancingthroughitforafewmoments,heexclaimed,“Oh,thisisterrible!NowIseehowIshouldhavewrittenthis!”

Perhapsyouhavethetime,energy,andinclinationtotakeyourpracticetomoreintenselevels;perhapsyoudonot.Eitherway,though,ifyoudeveloptheskillspresentedinthisbooktowhateverextentyoucan,youwillhavegainedpower.AsIsaidatthebeginningofthisbook,masteryofdictionandsyntaxenablesyoutowieldakindofmagicalpoweroverthemindsofyourreaders:tomakethemunderstandwhatyouaresaying;tomakethemseeyourvisions,feelyourcharacters’emotions,andberivetedbyyourstory.

That’saconsiderablepowertobeabletowield.Andwhenyoupossessthispower—oranyotherkind—youwilleventuallybebroughtupagainstavitalquestion:Howwillyouuseit?

PowerandResponsibilityAswriterswhocanmakeuseofthepoweroflanguage,whatisourresponsibility?That’snotaquestionthatgetsaskedveryoftenincreativewritingworkshops,butit’soneIalwaysaskmystudents.Veryoften,theyaresurprisedbythequestion,andtheyreply,“Myonlyresponsibilityistoexpressmyself.”

Iunderstandwhytheygivethisanswer:Forquitesometimenow,writinginstructionbooksandworkshopleadershavetoldaspiringwritersthatcreativewritingisallaboutself-expression,withtheemphasisonthe“self.”IntheUnitedStates,we’velivedthroughseveraldecadeswhereself-focushasbeenthenorminthecultureatlarge,soit’snowonderthatthisattitudehasmadeitswayintotheworldofcreativewriting.

Ithinkthisisanunhealthyattitude,formanyreasons,andsoIinviteyounowtoconsideryourwritingskillsinthelightofhowyoucanusethemresponsibly.ForIbelievethatthisresponsibilityinevitablybecomesyourswhenyouchoosetoputyourwritingoutintotheworld.Ifyouarewritingonlyforyourself,thenthematterofresponsibilitydoesn’tarise;butifyouaregoingpublicwithyourwords,then,Ithink,youneedtoconsidertheirpossibleeffectonotherpeople.

So,forinstance,willyourwordscelebrateviolenceandhatred?Willtheycreatenightmarishpictures—inTolkien’swords,willthey“putgreenuponaman’sfaceandcreatehorror”?Assoonassuchquestionsareraised,somepeopleinevitablyraisethesubjectofcensorship.SoIwanttomakeitclearthatIamnotlayingdownanyrulesaboutwhatyoushouldorshouldnotmakepublic;Iam,rather,sayingthatwhenyouhaveacquiredpower,yououghttousethatpowerinaresponsiblemanner.Iaminvitingyoutoconsiderwhatyoufeelisyourresponsibilityasaskilledwriter.

Oneresponsibilityyoumightwanttoshoulderisthatofusingwordswithaccuracyandclarity.AnothermightbetoconsideryourselfasacaretakeroftheEnglishlanguage.Asthemassmediacontinuetofocusourattentiononvisualimagesratherthanlanguage,youmightwishtotakeonthejobofkeepingaliveandcelebratingtherichnessofEnglishdictionandsyntax.Finally,youmightthinkaboutwhatyou,asaneducatedwriter,havetoofferreaders,aboutwhatyouwanttogivethem—orteachthem—throughthemediumofthewrittenword.

Practice:WhatIsYourResponsibility?

Dosomethinkingonthepage,usingfreewriting,aboutwhatyouconsidertobeyourresponsibilityasawriter.Howdoyouwanttousethepowerwithwordsyouhavenowacquired?

MovingOn

Aswecometotheendofthisbook,Ihopeyoufeelthatyourlearningjourneyhasbeenanenjoyableandproductiveone.Iencourageyoutorememberthatlearningisaspiral,notastraightline,andthatyoucanreturntothepracticesinthebookanytimeyouliketofurtherdevelopyourskills.Inmovingforward,youmayalsofeelthatnowyouarereadytoconsultsomeoftheresourcesinthelistthatfollowsthischapter,ortofindateacherorwritingcoach.Whateveryournextsteps,Ihopeyouwillrememberthatthebestthingaboutbeingawriteristhatitprovidesajourneyinlifelonglearning.

Mayyourowncontinuingjourneybeafulfillingandjoyfulone.

1 …justwalkupandhittheball.”QuotedinK.AndersEricsson,etal,“TheMakingofanExpert,”p.4.

2 …longerthanmostpeople.”QuotedinDavidShenk,TheGeniusinAllofUs(Doubleday,2010),p.112.

3 …lovetheplateau.GeorgeLeonard,TheMasteryPath:TheKeystoSuccessandLong-TermFulfillment(Penguin,1992),p.15.

4 …orevenatall.K.AndersEricsson,etal,“TheMakingofanExpert,”p.3.

ForFurtherReading

ExpertiseandPractice

DanielCoyle.TheTalentCode,RandomHouse,2009.

GeoffColvin.TalentIsOverrated:WhatReallySeparatesWorld-ClassPerformersfromEverybodyElse,Penguin2010.

K.AndersEricsson,MichaelJ.Prietula,andEdwardT.Cokely.“TheMakingofanExpert,”HarvardBusinessReview,July-August,2007.

MalcolmGladwell.Outliers:TheStoryofSuccess,BackBayBooks,2011.

GeorgeLeonard.Mastery:TheKeystoSuccessandLong-TermFulfillment,Penguin,1991.

DavidShenk.TheGeniusinAllofUs:WhyEverythingYou’veBeenToldAboutGenetics,Talent,andIQIsWrong,Doubleday,2010.

TwylaTharp.TheCreativeHabit:LearnItandUseItforLife,Simon&Schuster,2006.

TheEnglishLanguage

AnthonyBurgess.AMouthfulofAir,WilliamMorrow,1992.

IanA.Gordon.TheMovementofEnglishProse,Longman,1966.

JamesLipton.AnExaltationofLarks,Penguin,1977.

SyntaxandStyle

FrancisChristensen,NotesTowardsaNewRhetoric,Harper&Row,1967.

FrancisChristensenandBonniejeanChristensen.ANewRhetoric,Harper&Row,1976.

RichardLanham.Style:AnAnti-Textbook,PaulDryBooks,2007.

VirginiaTufte.ArtfulSentences:SyntaxasStyle,GraphicsPress,2006.

VirginiaTufte.GrammarasStyle,Holt,Rinehart,&Winston,1971.

GrammarGuides

JosephC.Blumenthal.English3200:AProgrammedCourseinGrammarandUsage,Harcourt,Brace,Jovanovich,1962.

C.EdwardGood.AGrammarBookforYouandI…Oops,Me!CapitalBooks,2002.

MarthaKolln.RhetoricalGrammar,4thed.,Longman,2003.

MichaelNewby.TheStructureofEnglish:AHandbookofEnglishGrammar,CambridgeUniversityPress,1987.

PatriciaT.O’Conner.WoeIsI:TheGrammarphobe’sGuidetoBetterEnglishinPlainEnglish,RiverheadBooks,1996.

PatriciaOsborn.HowGrammarWorks:ASelf-TeachingGuide,JohnWiley&Sons,1989.

OtherWritingGuides

RoyPeterClark.WritingTools:50EssentialStrategiesforEveryWriter,LittleBrown,2006.

JohnFairfaxandJohnMoat.TheWaytoWrite:AStimulatingGuidetotheCraftofCreativeWriting,St.Martin’sPress,1981.

RudolfFlesch.TheArtofReadableWriting,Collier,1949.

UrsulaK.LeGuin.SteeringtheCraft:ExercisesandDiscussionsonStoryWritingfortheLoneNavigatorortheMutinousCrew,TheEighthMountainPress,1998.

UrsulaK.LeGuin.TheWaveintheMind:TalksandEssaysontheWriter,theReader,andtheImagination,Shambhala,2004.

NoahLukeman,ADashofStyle:TheArtandMasteryofPunctuation,W.W.Norton,2006.

FrancesMayes,TheDiscoveryofPoetry:AFieldGuidetoReadingandWritingPoems,Harcourt,2001.

AcknowledgmentsMygratitudegoes,firstofall,toVirginiaTufteandFrancisChristensen,fromwhosebooksIlearnedsomuch.Iamverygrateful,aswell,toHeidiHill,whohasbeenacontinuingfriendtomeandtothisbook.MarjorieMoonandJanNerenbergreadearlydraftsofthemanuscriptandofferedhelpfulsuggestions.TomHallockkindlyansweredmymanyquestionsaboutthebookbusiness.SpecialthanksgotoUrsulaK.LeGuin,whoofferedsupportandencouragementatatimewhenbothweremissingfrommylife.

Towriteabookisonething;togetitpublished,another.JaneFriedman(www.janefriedman.com)gavemesuggestionsandadvicethatsetthisbookonitspathtopublication.RitaRosenkranzextendedahelpinghand,thennegotiatedabookdealwithconsummateprofessionalismandunflagginggoodhumor.Mygratitudetothemisboundless.

ThegoodfolksatWriter’sDigesttookthebookthroughtheeditorialandpublicationprocesswiththeirusualcare;specialthankstoeditorCrisFreese.BonnieFortini,introducedtomejustwhenIneededher,becamemyinvaluableassistant.

Aboveall,IamgratefultomystudentsintheLesleyUniversityMFAPrograminCreativeWriting,andtomyprivatecoachingclients,especiallyBrendaHorrigan.TheirenthusiasticresponsetothematerialinthisbookkeptmegoingduringthelonganddifficulttimewhenIdoubtedthebookwouldeverfindahome.Nowthatthematerialis,atlast,inbookform,Ihopeitwillgiveyou,too,yourfootingonthemasterypath.

Youcanfindmeatwww.WhereWritersLearn.com,whereIofferfreewritinglessonsandamhappytoanswerquestions.