The Six Stages of Parenting

MARY-ELLEN ROGERS OCTOBER 17, 2017

Defining human developmentFreud’s stages of psycho-sexual developmentErik Erikson’s Eight Stages of ManReflecting on your own developmentEllen Galinsky’s Six Stages of ParenthoodMaximizing the parenting journey

Agenda

The scientific study of how and why human beings change over the course of their life; human development encompasses physical development, cognitive development, and socioemotional development. Additional considerations include development of motor skills, moral understanding, the expansion of language skills, social skills, emotional strength, and the formation of self-concept and identity.

What is human development?

Freud’s Stages of Psychosexual Development

Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Man

Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Man

Reflections on How You Were ParentedAlways Some,mes Never

Myparentswerealwaysavailabletome.

Myparentsshowedpraiseandadmira5on.

Myparentsencouragedindividualityandself-expression.

Ifeltthatmyparentsagreedonparen5ngmostofthe5me.

Myparentswerestrictdisciplinarians.

Wealmostalwaysatedinnerasafamily.

IfeltthatIcouldalwaystellmyparentseverything.

Ifeltlovedconstantlyandwithoutexcep5on.

Parenting is a Journey…

Ellen Galinsky Focused on Parental Development

Galinsky’s Six Stages of Parenting

The Image Making Stage Pre-pregnancy until birth

Occurs during pregnancy; prospective parents explore their own memories of childhood and form and reform images of what’s to comeParents are creating pictures in their minds of what lies ahead A parent’s images are often based on memories of their own childhood and how they were parentedImages can be influenced by culture, or by other circumstancesImage-making occurs with each expectant child, but is more intense for first-time parentsA couple’s images can be at odds with each otherParents struggle with the feelings of connectedness and separateness at this timeExpectant parents tend to evaluate their relationship with their partner, as well their relationship with their own parents at this time.

The Image Making Stage

The Nurturing Stage Birth until the child begins to say “no”

Parents reconcile the images they have constructed with the reality of the new baby, commencing the process of attachmentParents stress over being able to care for the new babyAs they are getting to know the baby, they are getting to know themselves and their partners more deeplyParents are experiencing a changing sense of self; this is especially true for new parentsParents may experience a shift in their relationship with their spouse/partnerDiscovery of a change in relationship with relatives and friends, and especially their own parentsParents experience a sense of affinity/dissimilarity with the baby; the baby is no longer a part of them, but is a separate human being

The Nurturing Stage

The Authority StageAges two through four/five

Children begin testing independence; parents are challenged in developing their mode of authority and separateness from their childParents discover that their previous images have been illusoryThe illusion of no anger that was established during the image making stage is challenged by the aggressive behavior of their childrenThe image that “I’m different than my parents” is challengedThe image that children are always nice is shatteredThe expectation that children will stay the same is over-turnedParents are faced with the task of establishing and enforcing limitsChildren become the family’s ambassador in the outside world

The Authority Stage

The Interpretive Stage From five through elementary school

Parents evaluate their beginning years of parenthood and revise their practices of child-rearing and form new images for the futureParents need to decide how to interpret the outside world to their children; how to represent facts, people’s actions, conflict, fairness, and experiences to the childParents need to decide how they want their children to behave – manners, chores, allowance, etc.Decisions need to be made about how much to step in, when to let go, how much independence to extend and how much they should interface with other adults in the child’s life

The Interpretive Stage

The Interdependent StageThe teen years

The teen years mimic the authority stage, which often causes parents to re-evaluate and possibly revise their parenting style, as well as their images for the futureParents need to find new ways of communicating with their teensParents need to fully understand their own impressions, standards and expectations in order to communicate these to their teenParents need to understand each of their teens as distinct individuals in order to communicate with them, and to set limits and expectationsThere is often a developmental irony at this point as parents may be confronting feelings about their own aging and teens are the epitome of youthSince the issues that teens face are more controversial, there can be disagreement between parents, and with grandparents and other adults in the familyParents may feel uncomfortable with their child’s developing sexualityTeens are evaluating parentsParents are forming new bonds with their almost adult children

The Interdependent Stage

The Departure Stage High school graduation

This is a bittersweet time; the parent may be proud of the young adult their child has become, but may feel great sadness about him/her leavingParents spend a great deal of time evaluating their parenting outcomesParents reexamine other important relationshipsThe myth that parenthood is over at this point – You can get them off your hands, but you can never get them off your heart!The realization that the family, as it was, has forever changed…

The Departure Stage

Ac,on Yes No

Iamrealis5c,mostofthe5me,aboutthefactthatmychildisseparatefromme,andpossesseshis/herownpersonality,strengths,weaknesses,temperamentandtalents.

Iamcognizantofmyownup-bringingasIstrivetoparentmychild/children.

MyspouseorpartnerandIcanspeakopenlyaboutourdifferencesinparen5ngstylesandphilosophies.

Iamabletoestablishappropriateboundarieswithgrandparentsandothercloseadultrela5veswhenitcomestomychild/children.

Iunderstandthatcontrol/lossofcontrolisaconstantthroughouttheparen5ngjourney.

Iamfairlyopen-mindedwhenothersjudgemeasaparent.

Idon’tbeatmyselfupwhenmyimagesdon’tmatchthereality.

Iemploymysenseofhumorinmyjourney.

Am I Maximizing My Parenting Journey?

Thank you so much for joining us!

Please submit any questions you have by using your Q&A panel and submitting it to “all panelists”.

We appreciate your time today and don’t forget you will receive a recording of this webinar in your inbox in about 24 hours.