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Sibling R i v a l r y

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Objectives n Parents will understand reasons for sibling rivalry n Parents will learn about ways to reduce jealousy of older children

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Sharing n Did you quarrel a lot with your brothers and/or sisters? n What angered you or made you jealous of your siblings? n How did your parents handle your sibling battles?

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Conflict Within Families n between children n between parent and child n between spouses In most families there are three general types of conflicts:

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Lets Brainstorm! Why do your older children feel jealous?

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Reasons 1 Their basic needs are not being met

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Reasons 2 They also need attention; may feel ignored because all attention is given to the new baby

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Reasons 3 Some children need companionship but do not know how to get it from their parents

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Signs of jealousy 1 - regression n Clinging n Thumb-sucking n Avoiding contact with the baby

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Signs of jealousy 2 - regression n Verbal rejection of the baby or parents n Regression in toilet training n Food spills n Wanting the babys bottle

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Signs of jealousy 3 - anger n Playing alone n Resisting bedtime n Temper tantrums n Hitting

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Signs of jealousy 4 anger / revenge n Biting n Abuse of pets

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Ways to Reduce Conflict n Let siblings express their feelings n Don't compare siblings with each other n Let your children decide whether they want to share

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Ways to Reduce Conflict n Try to spend individual time with each child n Praise your children for who they are as well as what they do n Help your children accept their frustrations

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Ways to Reduce Conflict n Encourage big brother/big sister role for older child n Let him/her share in caring for the baby

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Solving Problems Through Family Meetings

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Guidelines for Family Meetings n Set time when all family members can be present n Understand the purpose of regular family meetings n Establish a non- threatening atmosphere n Establish basic ground rules n Promote self-esteem of each family member

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Family Meeting Ground Rules n Okay to say what you feel n No one has to talk n Everyone has to listen n No one puts anyone else down n Everyone gets a chance to talk n One person talks at a time and does not get interrupted

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Family Meetings n Explain purpose of meeting n Provide ground rules n Discuss family fun n Give time for others to think of activities n Discuss n Choose an activity n Make a plan n Review the meeting

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Sample Agenda for Family Meetings n Discuss family issues, concerns, interests, and positive events of past week n Determine priority issue(s) n Clarify the issue to be discussed n Generate possible solutions n Determine the most effective solutions n Make plans to implement the solution n Plan one fun activity for the coming week

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Conclusion: Communication is the Key n Find time to spend with the children n Really listen and hear n Teach problem solving