Welcome back to Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge! I’m sure you remember the Plot from last time. This chapter does not contain as much Plot, but I can promise you redecorating and makeovers! Those are almost as good, right? (crickets chirping) Okay, then, be that way. At any rate, time did not stand still while the Old Adam and Oakapple were in college, and I think we’ll start with what happened then.

To begin with, Ruth Grew Up Well and without fanfare.

And promptly got a makeover. Ruth has had a unique look at each life stage, and I don’t see why being an Elder should be any different. Certainly there are the most Wacky options for Elders.

Ryan’s new look is apparently “grounding wire.” There’s a reason you don’t go poking around inside a computer monitor, boys and girls. Computer monitors contain a device which stores enough electricity to kill you instantly if you touch it.* *True! Don’t go poking around inside your computer monitor!

Fortunately, Ryan didn’t hit that device, and after a shower, a change of clothing, and a quick trip to the hospital, he was fine. I can’t say the same for his boxer shorts, though…

Here we see a thief who is more interested in the newspaper than the gnome. It seems an odd preference – after all, gnomes are highly collectible and cost good money, while newspapers date rapidly and cost about fifty cents. (shrug) Well, there’s no accounting for taste. Somebody else with sensibilities closer to my own hoisted the gnome later in the day anyway.

Ruth went out and stole it back, of course. In fact, she did so twice in a row, so now we have an Official Gnome and an Official Emergency Backup Gnome.

And speaking of Official requirements, the Tacky Flamingo is doing well. Patrons include internationally famous rock stars*… *Bertram McClellan, Rock God, of Everybody Loves Bertie.

…secret agents*… *Trixie Sanders, Multi-Regional Sim of Some Question, from Already in Progress.

…and heavily-made-up Vulcans.* *I don’t know why everyone calls this an “elf” face. You can make a near-perfect Mr. Spock using it plus certain EAxis-standard makeup and hair. This Sim isn’t anyone notable, but I bet you a nickel he’s named Abhijeet. All my townies seem to be named Abhijeet nowadays.

I wouldn’t have thought it would be their type of place, but apparently Vulcans love the Tacky Flamingo. The business is now at Level Four, putting me ahead of schedule.

In other news, Ruth and Ryan attended Buttercup’s wedding. Old Adam and Oakapple were not invited, as the party was supposed to be parents only. However, due to complicated relationship issues, only Albert’s fathers showed up – his mother declined to come. And the Welcome Wagon showed up just as the ceremony started, so there were extra, uninvited guests.

RUTH: Congratulations, sweetie! I’m so happy for you! But can you answer one question for me? BUTTERCUP: Sure, Mom. RUTH: Are you okay with this? You’re not making yourself into someone you aren’t just to make this boy happy, are you? BUTTERCUP: (laughs) No, Mom, I’m still me. I still like yellow, I still cheat at chess, I still grow – RUTH (quickly): Don’t tell me. What your father doesn’t hear, he doesn’t have to do anything about. BUTTERCUP: I didn’t say anything. The point is, the only thing that’s really changed is the color of my hair. And that’s a compromise I’m willing to make.

Albert, as I may have mentioned, come from my story Everybody Loves Bertie. Buttercup, of course, comes from Ruth’s. Since I can’t decide which story Albert and Buttercup should be included in, they’re both moving to Already in Progress, and you can read about them there beginning with Chapter 37, if you are so inclined. [/shameless self-promotion]

Ryan got a bad chance card at work and lost three skill points. This put him far enough behind that making his LTW became pretty well impossible, so he retired. I’m actually okay with that, since (if Adam and Myrna cooperate) the No Promotions points are so close I can almost taste them. And anyway, if Ryan has to work, he’ll miss the wedding. What do you mean, “What wedding?”? THE wedding! The wedding of the generation! Forget William and Catherine – Old Adam and Myrna are the couple everyone’s talking about.

(At this point, I would like to mention that during her extra day at home, Myrna spent her time attempting to teach the dog to Shake. She did not gain any skill points. Thank you.)

Preparations began as soon as everyone moved in: new looks for bride, groom, and brother/ex-fiance/current brother-in-law…

Redecoration of the reception area…

Pre-wedding job searches… Not traditional, but hey – whatever floats your boat. EILEEN, MYRNA’S MOTHER: Myrna, we’ve been looking all over for you! What are you doing? MYRNA (half-wails): I don’t know! I’m so nervous – I was just clicking around – Somehow I’m a Medium now! I don’t want to be a Medium! Why would I want to be an Medium?! EILEEN: Shhh, shhh. It’s okay. Just pick up the phone and quit. MYRNA: I can just quit? EILEEN: You can just quit. Don’t cry – you’ll ruin your makeup. (Medium is high enough that Myrna earned a Resurrect-O-Nomitron. Since she never went to work there was no promotion.)

The final preparations were made secretly by Adam. OLD ADAM: You are certain this will work? MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: Of course it will. OLD ADAM: I just slip it in his drink and then everyone will love him? MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: Just like it says on the label.

So Adam went off to have a quiet word with the bartender.

Although perhaps the word was a little too quiet, given what happened next…

SONG.

Wild with adoration! Yes, and mad with fascination!

To indulge my lamentation No occasion do I miss! Wild with adoration!

To indulge my lamentation No occasion do I miss!*

*Adapted from W.S. Gilbert, The Sorcerer, act I, scene 9. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/sorcerer/web_opera/sorc14.html; accessed 17 May 2011.

MYRNA: Adam, what’s going on? OLIVER: The matchmaker said to ask you why everyone is acting weird. OAKAPPLE: “Weird”? My mother is heartfarting her father! MYRNA: What’s going on, Adam?

OLD ADAM: Please, I meant no harm! I only – I only meant to help you, Oakapple. I purchased a love potion, and I asked the bartender to slip it you so that everyone would love you, just as you wanted. OAKAPPLE: You what? Oh, Adam, you idiot… OLD ADAM: Only it seems that everyone got a dose, and that is very bad indeed. MYRNA: What are we going to do?

OLD ADAM: (raises his voice) May I have your attention, everyone? (Everyone turns to face him as the chatter dies down) OLD ADAM: Thank you. You may have noticed that you feel a bit… peculiar. That is entirely my fault. You have all accidentally consumed a love potion. (raises his voice again to be heard over the hubbub) I am very sorry for it – very sorry indeed – but fortunately we have with us Mrs. McClellan, of the Gypsy Matchmaker’s Association, who can tell us how to reverse its effects. Mrs. Mrs. McClellan?

MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: The only way to break the spell is for someone to sacrifice themselves to Ahrimanes. RYAN: Ahrimanes? MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: The ancient Chaldean equivalent of the devil. Or Persian, maybe. RUTH: Why does someone have to sacrifice themselves to the Chaldean – or Persian – equivalent of the devil to reverse a love potion? MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: I’m in Sales, hon, not R&D.

OLD ADAM: Why does it have to be one of us? Is it not your product that is faulty? MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: You’re absolutely correct, and normally I’d make it right, but it’s inventory next week and I really can’t leave the company in the lurch like that. OLD ADAM: True. Well, this was all my idea, so I ought to be the one to rectify the situation. MYRNA: No! OAKAPPLE: Don’t be stupid! You did it for me, so it’s my fault. I’ll be the sacrifice. OLD ADAM: No, you will not. I will.

OAKAPPLE: Let’s vote. Everyone who thinks Adam should sacrifice himself? (Old Adam raises his hand; nobody else does) OAKAPPLE: Now everyone who thinks I should sacrifice myself. (A thicket of hands shoots up) ALBERT: Sorry, Buttercup. You have to admit, he’s kind of a jerk.

OAKAPPLE: Come on, Oliver. Put your hand up. OLIVER: I think the matchmaker should die. Screw their inventory. OAKAPPLE: That’s not very nice. OLIVER: I’m not very nice. Neither are you. I vote for the matchmaker. OAKAPPLE: Overruled. Okay, Ahrimanes, I’m ready.

(Sobs, screams, shrieks, fainting) OLIVER: What is wrong with you people? I thought you had a Bone Phone!

OLD ADAM: Hello. This is Old Adam Shankel. I would like to resurrect my brother Oakapple, please. Do you prefer Visa or Discover? OLD ADAM: What do you mean, you do not accept credit cards?! What do you accept, then? (to the rest of the room) Cash only. Who has cash? (Everyone goes through pockets, purses, sofa cushions, etc.) OLD ADAM: Sir? Sir, we can give you $1,021.73 as a deposit. Can we provide the remainder in a few hou– ? OLD ADAM: “Alive – sort of”? What do you mean, “sort of”? No, wait! We’ll go to the bank and call agai – OLD ADAM: He hung up!

SONG.

Sprites of earth and air – Fiends of flame and fire –

SONG.

Demon souls Come here in shoals,

This fearful deed inspire!

SONG.

Appear, appear, appear!*

*Adapted from W.S. Gilbert, The Sorcerer, act I, scene 13. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/sorcerer/web_opera/sorc14.html; accessed 17 May 2011.

OLIVER (fiercely): I give a rat’s backside about what happens to you, you idiot! Don’t you ever do anything as stupid as that again! OAKAPPLE: I – OLIVER: Don’t you even think about it! Do you hear me? (surreptitiously dashes away tears) OAKAPPLE: You… kissed me. OLIVER (suddenly awkward): Yeah, well… Sorry about that. OAKAPPLE (bewildered): But I thought… the spell was… broken. OLIVER: It was. Look, can we watch your brother get married now, please?

SONG.

Now to the banquet we press; Now for the eggs and the ham; Now for the mustard and cress;

Now for the strawberry jam!

SONG.

Now for the tea of our host, Now for the rollicking bun,

Now for the muffin and toast, And now for the gay Sally Lunn!

SONG.

Now for the muffin and toast,

And now for the gay Sally Lunn!*

*A “Sally Lunn” is a particular type of sweet bread/bun/cake thing, usually served with cream. Song adapted from W.S. Gilbert, The Sorcerer, act II, scene 24. Available from http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/sorcerer/web_opera/sorc14.html; accessed 19 May 2011. Yes, this is really how the opera ends. I can’t make this stuff up!

Notes, disclaimers, and other trivia This chapter’s title is taken from the one song from Patience that I couldn’t work into Myrna. (Given the genetics I can predict, I may never have another chance to use it.) It’s scripted that the contralto accompanies herself on a cello while singing. Most singers fake it and have one of the musicians in the orchestra do the actual work, but if you check out the song provided in the handy reference links, you will see that the woman I picked actually does play the cello. Not very well, perhaps, but she plays.

This chapter is partly based on The Sorcerer, which, unlike most Gilbert & Sullivan operas, doesn’t have a permanent subtitle. The Sorcerer is particularly short, and is often performed with Trial By Jury, which is a one-act opera. The two together clock in at right about two hours, not counting intermissions. I also shot a lot of the wedding in a duplicate ‘hood, since I needed to use cheats like maxmotives and quit-without-saving over and over. But all the events portrayed really did happen in the real ‘hood, so I consider this okay and no different than using poseboxes. I’ve included pictures of the real versions in the following few pages.

I have made some substantial changes to the plot of The Sorcerer. In the original, the wildly inappropriate “heartfarting” occurs between people who are from different social classes, and that is what makes the matches inappropriate. This offends my twenty-first century egalitarian American sensibilities. Plus, I never bothered to establish a class system. Since my Sims will heartfart inappropriately at parties anyway, I just let them get on with it. (This is Adam and Myrna’s actual wedding.)

In addition, there are two subplots that I eliminated: the romance between the groom’s widowed father and the bride’s widowed mother – in my game, both are still happily married to other people – and the romance between the young and poor-but-honest daughter of a pew-opener and the local middle-aged vicar. (This is where Oakapple actually burned to death. I should have left the flame jet in the picture, but I was afraid that someone else would catch fire…)

The provider of the magic potion in the original is actually the eponymous sorcerer, John Wellington Wells. If I had Apartment Life, perhaps I could have recruited a witch, but I don’t, which leaves only the Matchmaker as a source of potions. Mr. Wells does offer inventory as an excuse for not sacrificing himself, but when he is outvoted, he resignedly vanishes in a ring of fire and brimstone. However, I need to make a zombie for the points, and this was a perfect opportunity. (This is the most passionate kiss a Shy sim can be Influenced to do.) Until next time, Happy Simming!