Random Notes on Recovery (for Addiction-Prone People)

8/4/2019 Random Notes on Recovery (for Addiction-Prone People)

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Random Notes on Recovery Random Notes on Recovery Random Notes on Recovery Random Notes on Recovery (for Addiction (for Addiction (for Addiction (for Addiction- -- -Prone People) Prone People) Prone People) Prone People)



Random Notes on Recovery (for Addiction-Prone People) Page 1

IntroductionIntroductionIntroductionIntroduction

Please note these are just what the title says -- random notes on recovery.

For a more in-depth introduction to Recovery and Addiction, please turn to

the many good books on the topic.

p.s. Also look for the free e-book

“10 Irrational Thoughts and How To Change Them (for Addiction-Prone

People)”




Healing your Relationship with the Higher Power (some might call it God, but you can call it anything you want)

We start off in life with a bunch of human-to-human relationships. Baby to

mother, then others.

Human to Human

You learn how you are supposed to act in different relationships - brothers,

sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

Mixed-up feelings in relationships caused pain: maybe you hated certain

relatives, etc.

You discovered alcohol helped you soothe those feelings. You used alcohol

as part of your decision-making process.

After a series of steps down (becoming more and more dependent on

alcohol), alcohol became your most important relationship.

Human to Thing (Alcohol)

(Very low self-esteem down there at the bottom.)

Intervention or confrontation (at bottom or before you hit bottom) cancels

out the relationship with booze. You go into treatment, and you're back at ahuman-to-human relationship nearly immediately.

Human to Human

In AA, you're judged as another human being with a desire to quit drinking

(you're not judged on car, job, etc).

When you work the 12 Steps, you experience a spiritual awakening. Now

you have a human-to-higher power relationship.

Human to Higher Power

You may have discarded everything having to do with religion, but...

Sobriety requires developing a concept of a higher power. Develop some

beliefs that work for you.




Defense Mechanisms

We have 3 negative emotions (anger, fear, guilt) and only one positive

emotion (love). Therefore, in our brain, there's a 3-to-1 chance of feeling

lousy.

We have a mechanism in our brain to prevent us from feeling all that pain;

otherwise the pain would be too much to handle.

All people use Defense Mechanisms unconsciously (without thinking about

it). Things are kept buried; they don't come up, so you don't do anything

about them.

Defense Mechanisms blot out pain. They also minimize / prevent / avoid / repress pain and your extent of pain.

Between the conscious (aware) mind and unconscious (unaware) mind there

is a sensor barrier separates that filters out unpleasant thoughts or feelings.

So the unpleasant feelings do not become conscious, but they are still there.

You can have something bothering you and not know what it is.

Listening to other people helps us dredge up the pain so we can deal with it.

This is one reason why group therapy and groups like AA are so helpful.

We have accumulated:

--Childhood mental garbage, and

--Adolescent mental garbage, and

--Addiction mental garbage.

A subconscious belief that you should be punished makes you seek out or

create punishing situations.

Kids are all id (a child wants what he wants now). Then as we grow, we

develop some ego (reality). Then as we grown more we develop some super-

ego (rules and regulations taught by parents, teachers, etc). The ego gives us

our self-esteem; the super-ego gives us our fear, guilt, anger.

In a child, the ratio might be like this:




Super-Ego 5%

Ego 10%

Id 85%

In a non-addicted person, the ratio might be like this:

Super-Ego 15%

Ego 70%

Id 15%

In an addicted person, it's more like this:

Super-Ego 45%

Ego 10%

Id 45%

Addictions cut down your awareness (your ego), loosen your inhibitions,make you lose you sensor barrier -- which lets anger up, sometimes

inappropriately or at the wrong time.

Through treatment, you want to create a healthy adult (ego), but reducing the

kid (id) and by reducing the parent (super-ego).

Some Defense Mechanisms

1. Denial: not being aware of what is happening. Denial prevents us from

feeling the true effect of addiction in our lives.

2. Projection: We project things onto other people (“he's an alcoholic, not

me”). We blame other people or things for our behavior - that's projection.

3. Intellectualizations: Rationalizing - finding reasons for drinking; taking

things that are true but tacking on drinking excuses

4. Isolation, repression, suppression.

Combating Defense Mechanisms

Education

Group therapy

Individual therapy

AA




Goals:

1. To increase consciousness so we can deal with the things that are

bothering us

2. To weaken the sensor barrier so more unconscious material can come to

the conscious

3. To weaken defense mechanisms

4. To increase the ego by using

--Decision making process

--Rational thinking (reality testing)

5. To decrease the guilt complex (this belongs to the super ego)

6. To decrease the id (compulsive behaviors)




Taking Responsibility

We are powerless over alcohol, but we're not powerless over ourselves.

We must be aware of our need for self-esteem, our need to keep doing

responsible acts, our need to keep using the tools of sobriety.

Being honest with yourself is a responsible thing to do.

Stop and think - “will this endanger my sobriety?” It may make you feel

good instantly, but will it make you feel good in the long run?

I choose not to use alcohol or drugs. “I don't need a painkiller - I accept the

pain, I become aware of what is causing me to feel that way.”

Don't use drink or drugs to relieve the bad feelings. Don't use drink or drugs

to celebrate the good.

Take responsibility for your feelings. We give feelings to ourselves - nobody

makes us angry, nobody makes us guilty. If you believe someone has that

power over you, they will.

If you believe someone can make you feel shitty, they will. But if you

believe that they don't have that power over you - that only you can create

your feelings - they can't make you feel shitty. You can make you feel shitty,

but they can't.

Don't blame anyone for your feelings - “he makes me mad”. Don't use

someone as a dump for your feelings - “he's why I'm mad”.

If I believe only I control my feelings, I have the CHOICE to change those

feelings.

Incorrect: “He just made me angry”.

Correct: “I just got angry”.

In other words, “there are no disappointments, only events”. Things happen

– it's your choice to feel good, bad, or neutral about them.




Balance

There are four components of all human beings

1. Physical

2. Non-physical (thinking, feeling)

3. Behavioral

4. Sociological

These 4 things have to be in harmony. If one goes out of kilter, they all do -

like a mobile.

1. Physical body (nutrition, exercise, and rest)

2. Non-physical (thinking and feeling)

If your decision-making abilities are working, then you make rational,

healthy decisions.

Focus on positive feelings - building self-esteem - then you have no need to

alter reality. You drank because you didn't like what was going on.

Self-esteem: how I feel about myself as a human being

If you deal with the guilt you have floating around because of past behavior,

and if you deal with your anger and fear, you make room for self-love/self-

esteem.

If you're walking around depressed and angry, you don't take care of the rest

of the components.

Psycho (“mind”) | somatic (“body”) illnesses

Worried, frightened = splitting headache

3. Behavioral (instinctive and learned)

Instinctive behavior is hard-wired - what we're born with.




Learned behavior is habits.

How I act, behave, the things I do, are all determined by my belief systems.

--Become aware of the way you are thinking

--Learn to act rather than react.

--Ask yourself, “Is this a responsible thing for me to do today?”

Either I believe it is good for me, or I believe it is not good for me.

If you spot yourself feeling out-of-sorts or feeling in some way unpleasant,

you can move to change this.

Some of your belief systems are based on what society thinks, so you may

incorrectly think “there's something wrong with me” based on that.

4. Sociological: relationships with others

Inventory personal relationships.

We live in a society -- how to get along with people.

If one is sick, one will become involved in sick relationships.




Tools for change

These are tools that normal human beings have to stop unpleasant feelings.

Stop. Think. Decide. Act. Feel.

We change by using this formula and taking responsibility for ourselves.

We must get rid of habit patterns / belief systems - we are not on cruise

control. Our old habit patterns / belief systems led us to drink, so we must

get rid of them.

Think.Think.Think.Think.

Rational thoughts: make us feel good about ourselves as human beings.Irrational thoughts: make us feel lousy about ourselves as human beings.

Act.Act.Act.Act.

Actions should be made with our feelings in mind.

Responsible actions: will make us feel good about ourselves as human

beings.

Irresponsible actions: will make us feel lousy about ourselves as human

beings.

The act determines how we feel: our behavior dictates our feelings.

Self esteem goes up:Self esteem goes up:Self esteem goes up:Self esteem goes up: Self Self Self Self esteem goes down:esteem goes down:esteem goes down:esteem goes down:

Rational thought plus responsible act Rational thought plus irresponsible

act

Irrational thought plus responsible

act

Irrational thought plus irresponsible

act

Responsible acts lead to higher self-esteem.

Rational ideas

1. I am a mistake making being

2. I have an ability to change

3. I don't have to repeat mistakes

4. This doesn't mean I'll be mistake free, but that I can avoid repeating

mistakes




Irrational ideas

1. I thought I never made mistakes

2. I wanted to change everyone else

3. This became a habit pattern (drink drink drink)

4. I didn't learn not to repeat my mistakes.

Irrational ideas lead to repeating mistakes.




The 4 basic human feelings

FEAR

fright

scared

anxiety

nervous

shy

apprehension

inadequacy

GUILT

ashamed

embarrassed

distressed

remorse

I shouldn't

I oughtn't

HATE

anger

resentment

annoyance

irritation

dislike

LOVE

peace

respect

admiration

tranquility

warmth

responsibility

understanding

caring

sharing

Man is the only animal with these four feelings.

An infant feels only comfortable or uncomfortable feelings; these four

feelings are developed as a human grows.

Misinformation: we were mistaught or we misunderstood.

Fears today were picked up from the past:

95% of fear we have about everything is Irrational.

Only 5% of fear is have is Rational.

Rational love: self-esteem (self-love)

Irrational love: dependency

Comfortable feelings are Rational.

Uncomfortable feelings are Irrational.

Love is the only positive feeling.

Get rid of the negative feelings (fear, guilt, anger) and your positive feeling

(love) increases.

To raise your self-esteem, you must work on your fear, guilt, and anger.




About Guilt

Guilt is the most self-destructive feeling.

We must get rid of guilt in other ways than drinking.

90% of guilt is a fantasy and self-created.

Guilt is: Guilt is: Guilt is: Guilt is: the CONFLICT between the reality of how I'm feeling or what I'm

doing or thinking, and what I've been taught is right or wrong, good or bad.

Guilt is the CONFLICT between behavior and belief systems.

If you were taught irrational belief systems (such as “I am responsible

for this person's happiness”), your behavior can NEVER live up to that, andyou will always feel guilty.

How guilt conflict is created:

Love-orientation begins with the mother, who gives the infant comfortable

feelings.

Hate-orientation begins because the mother is not always there immediately.

When we are age 4, 5, 6, the belief system of things we should or should notdo is being formed.

One thing we learn is that we should not hate our mother - that we shouldn't

feel that way - but we do. This is a conflict of our behavior and belief

system, and we feel lousy.

Feeling guilty = feeling I'm a bad person.

It is important to deal with guilt from drinking in a group. In a group, we candeal with guilt, get it out, say it, and forget it (4th step).




Irrational need to be punished

When I feel guilty, I feel that I need to be punished.

We think: “When I do something wrong, I deserve to be punished”.

After punishment, comes relief.

Healthy people are not into self-punishment.

90% of guilt is fantasy.

Children of alcoholic fathers often assume the role of victim.

We have a choice in life - we don't have to stay like this - we don't have to

carry all this junk around.

Only behavior can create guilt.

We have to believe we deserve to feel good.

The more rationally we think, the more rationally we will think.

We have a choice in life - we don't have to stay like this. We don't have to

carry all this junk around.

Only behavior can create guilt.

We have to believe we deserve to feel good.




The guilt complex: how it works

Conflict

|

Leads to

|

Punishment (others) (ourselves)

|

Leads to

|

Fear of discovery (“people are going to find out I'm a bad person”)

|

Leads to

|

Fear of rejection|

Leads to

|

People pleasing

|

Leads to

Addiction

How to deal with guilt

1. Share (take a risk that people won't reject you)

2. Apologize (genuinely)

3. Get rid of shoulds (“I should have done...” “I should have said...”)

4. Make amends (8th and 9th step)

5. Begin to use tools for change (spot-stop-think-decide-act-feel)

6. Begin to question and challenge belief systems

7. Begin to get in touch with higher power




About love and self-esteem

Self-esteem: how I feel about myself as a human being and how I feel about

my behavior (things I do or how I act)

We have to detach from ourselves as ROLES (mother, sister, etc) and think

how we FEEL as human beings.

What I think is important, not what everyone else thinks - I determine my

self-esteem.

Love and self-love are basic feelings and basic needs.

Selfishness: Selfishness: Selfishness: Selfishness: our belief system makes us think “everyone else comes first,self-love is narcissist and selfish”. THIS IS A BELIEF SYSTEM TO

CHANGE. Being selfish is not a bad thing.

Have to change our view of love:

To the degree of where my feelings are at any particular time is my degree

of self-esteem.

My degree of self-esteem determines the degree to which I can love

someone else.

You can't give away what you don't have.

What love really is

Love is has 5 ingredients:

1. Respect - to esteem, regard

2. Caring - to feel concern

3. Responsibility - to be aware that what I say and what I do affects the otherperson

4. Knowledge - have to know the other person to really love them

5. Warmth - a comfortable feeling when around them, maybe a chemical

attraction.




Self-love has the same ingredients as love: you have to respect yourself, care

about yourself, be responsible to yourself, know yourself (what I do is based

on my belief systems), warmth: how comfortable am I with myself? Self-

love should be based on self-reliance.




AA

AA is like an arena - a place to go and function with others. Society used to

think epileptics were possessed, that alcoholics were skid row bums - now

society is becoming more educated.

We are comfortable at AA - we can begin to work at the idea of sobriety. We

find out that we can do responsible things, which makes us feel better about

ourselves.

Arresting the disease is a responsible act. AA is how to arrest it.

Before, we had no control of feelings - we reacted to everything - we didn't

learn how to think, decide, and act.

You might not like this: some medicine is horrible, but helps you get well.

Group therapy is supplemental to AA.

Get involved in AA

1. Don't go to AA, be in AA

2. Get a hold of a group

3. Ask for a coffee-making detail - earn your sobriety4. Lead a meeting, accept a position

5. Use the 12 steps - analyze then utilize

Fellowship is all kinds of men and woman - the only requirement is a desire

to stop drinking.

Helping others stay sober keeps you sober.

Vital:

1. Sponsorship: someone you like, can rely on, can confide in, has worked

the steps, and has sobriety time. You can have more than one sponsor.

2. Frequency of meetings




3. Different types of meetings

4. 12 steps to change yourself (most important part of program)

5. 12 stepping - helping other alcoholics, once you have at least 3 months of

sobriety




Alcoholism is a Disease

1955 - American Medical Association (AMA) declared alcoholism a

disease. A few years later American Psychiatric Association (APA) accepted

it also.

Why is there resistance to a disease concept?

Become of common belief systems:

1. “Alcohol is okay”

2. “Alcoholics are skid row bums”

3. “Alcohol is a normal, legitimate social custom - 70% of people in the US

drink”

Disease Process

To be a “disease”, must meet certain conditions.

1. Have a cause (definable or indefinable)

2. Have symptoms (a) common to the majority of people suffering from the

disease, and (b) repetitive

3. Have a course of defined progression common to the majority of sufferers

Causes of AlcoholismStress, loneliness, boredom, effect (buzz), family changes, peer pressure,

dependency, courage, guilt, shame, remorse -- ESCAPE. Maybe genetics?

Symptoms of Alcoholism

Tremors -> shake -> convulsions -> DTs

Memory loss -> blackouts -> coma and death

Attitude -> mood swings ->-uncontrollable anger

Thinking about drinking -> drinking and drugging increases -> obsession ->

life becomes unmanageable

Behavioral changes, job changes, residence moves, nausea, vomiting,

anxiety, tension, guilt




Irritation and Sedation

Alcohol irritates (central nervous system, GI tract, etc.)

Alcohol sedates brain (numbs cells, lessens inhibitions, increasesaggression)

When you drink one drink:

Sedation lasts 1 to 2 hours.

Irritation lasts 9 to 12 hours.

This is why alcoholics self-medicate with a morning drink - the irritation is

still there, but the sedation is gone.

It is the irritation that causes shakes, tremors, convulsions, and DTs.

Just from being alive, you have a certain amount of tension in your body.

After years of drinking, this normal tension level goes up. So irritation starts

at a higher level and goes even higher. This is why a beginning drinker does

not get the shakes. Their baseline irritation level is still low.

As the baseline tension level rises in your body over time, you experience

worse and worse effects when the sedation wears off:

In the beginning: Normal

Then: Hangovers

Then: Tremors

Then: Tremors Gran

Then: Shakes

Then: Violent Shakes

Then: Convulsions, DTs, hallucinations.

If you dry out completely, your starting tension level goes back down.

Terms

Tolerance - ability of your system to tolerate “addictive substance” in system

Tolerance curve - tolerance will slowly build, and then break.




Cross-tolerance - if you have tolerance to one addictive substance, you may

have tolerance to another

The difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic is tolerance.

Habituation - repeated behavior that you can't change easily. Becomes a

reflex action.

(Of course, there are good habits and bad habits.)

Alcohol is a psychological dependency at first. Then, the addictive stage

begins - cells need alcohol to function.

Cross addiction - if I am addicted to alcohol, I will quickly become addictedto another mind-altering drug (and vice-versa).

Potentiation - mixing drugs potentiates them.

Drug A, take 1 unit, get effect of 1

Drug B, take 1 unit, get effect of 1

Take A and B together, get effect of 3, not just effect of 2

Clinical stage of alcoholism is when it starts to appear. It will show up

sooner in a person of low sensitivity, rather than high sensitivity.

Alcohol affects you:

Spiritually

Mentally

Physically

In your relationships with other people

Alcoholism wipes out spiritual part of life, wipes out self-esteem... can lead

to fatty liver, reduced eyesight, esophageal hemorrhage.



Recovery

In rehab - you learn about alcoholism.

In AA - you learn to live comfortably.

Sobriety is a Selfish Program

Learn to say no.

Don't let yourself get pushed into things you don't want to do.

Don't overextend yourself.

Don't try to get the whole world sober.

Don't try to educate everyone on alcohol.

Don't set yourself up for failure - don't set your goals too high.

Learn the serenity prayer.

Learn AA slogans:

First Things First - your first priority is sobriety

Easy Does It - make things work smoothly; work towards small goals

Live and Let Live

Respect the confidentiality of AA -- what you hear in an AA room stays

there.

Documents

Random Notes on Recovery (for Addiction-Prone People)