Principles & Strategies - FEELING SAFE FOUNDATION · Principles & Strategies Edition 001: 09/2014 This book has been produced by The Protective Behaviours Consortium. It is for the

The Protective Behaviours Process

Principles & Strategies

Edition 001: 09/2014©Protective Behaviours Consortium 2014

þ Approved Resource

Foreword by The Feeling Safe Foundation

The Protective Behaviours Process 2

The National Organisation For Protective Behaviours • Protective Behaviours Consortium, CIC • Company No.:9042562 • ©Protective Behaviours Consortium 2014Cobalt Square, 83 Hagley Road, Birmingham B16 8QG • 07970748410 • [email protected] • www.protectivebehavioursconsortium.co.uk

The Protective Behaviours ProcessPrinciples & Strategies

Edition 001: 09/2014

This book has been produced by The Protective Behaviours Consortium.It is for the exclusive use of participants attending a Protective Behaviours Consortium

Course. It is essential reading for anyone who has completed the Foundation Level Protective Behaviours Course and for those

progressing on to the Intermediate Level Protective Behaviours Course or the Training for Trainers Programme. The book also supports on-going professional development

and progression workshops and will be useful for those attending local Practitioner Network Meetings for discussing and sharing good practice.

The Protective Behaviours Consortium is the national organisation for Protective Behaviours and protects the

integrity of the Protective Behaviours Process in the UK and maintains the fidelity of the nationally recognised suite of Protective Behaviours Courses.

Telephone: 07970748410Email: [email protected]

www.protectivebehavioursconsortium.co.uk

Ordering Information:Available to order in hard copy.

Special discounts are available for PBC Members.For details, contact PBC at the address above.

Produced and Printed in England



The Protective Behaviours Process Principles & Strategies

This book provides an understanding of the Key themes, supporting ideas and strategies that form the Protective Behaviours Process.

The Protective Behaviours Process provides individuals with the skills to help themselves and others to feel safe from harm and victimisation.

Revised, edited and new content by Maria Huffer



Important Copyright DisclaimerCopyright © 2014 by Protective Behaviours Consortium CIC (PBC)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed,

or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior

written permission of the publisher, PBC, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and

certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, write to PBC.

Protective Behaviours Consortium CICFirst Floor Suite D

Cobalt Square83 Hagley Road

BirminghamB16 8QG



This Book Is Dedicated To

Peg Flandreau WestAnd

Di Margetts

Without whom Protective Behaviours would not have arrived and flourished in the UK.

This book is dedicated to their achievements and to continuing with their dreams of a world without violence.



CONTENTS

Foreward by The Feeling Safe Foundation 6

Preface 7

Acknowledgements 8

Introduction 9

CHAPTER 1 12Overview of The Protective Behaviours Process

CHAPTER 2 16Unwritten Rules

CHAPTER 3 18Feeling, Thought and Behaviours

CHAPTER 4, Theme 1: 22We All Have The Right To Feel Safe All The Time

CHAPTER 5, Theme 2: 28We Can Talk With Someone About Anything Even If It’s Awful Or Small

CHAPTER 6 35The Seven Protective Behaviours Strategies

APPENDIX 1 39Script for a Safe Place Exercises

APPENDIX 2 4010 top tips for using Protective Behaviours



FOREWORD

By The Feeling Safe Foundation

The idea of the Feeling Safe Foundation arose out of a series of conversations between Maria Huffer and myself, beginning with a coaching session in October 2013 during which I asked Maria “What do people want?” (referring to what people might want from Protective Behaviours). Her answer, “To feel safe”, was powerful and immensely significant as it enabled our thinking to go off into completely new directions as to how Protective Behaviours could be brought to a much wider audience both nationally and internationally. We were immediately taken with the idea that ‘Feeling Safe’ was something that audiences far and wide would be able to understand and the issue then confronting us was how to get this message to them. Over a series of subsequent meetings the idea of the Feeling Safe Foundation emerged as the vehicle for doing this.

The purpose of the Foundation is therefore to spread the ‘Feeling Safe’ message far and wide through speaking events and conferences and to commission research into the efficacy of the Protective Behaviours Process to bring about profound change to people and communities. Furthermore it will work with organisations that wish to embed the Protective Behaviours Process in their working practices and principles of operating.

The link between the Foundation and the Protective Behaviours Consortium is a deep and profound one in that whilst the Foundation will be spreading the message about ‘Feeling Safe’ the Consortium will be providing the means by which this can be put into practice through the suite of courses and programmes that it offers. The Foundation will also give approval to Protective Behaviours courses and materials which promote PBs effectively and demonstrate sound PBs practice.

All of us who are involved in delivering the Protective Behaviours message are on the threshold of a marvellous new adventure, started all those years ago by Peg West, to bring the beauty and simplicity of Protective Behaviours to an ever-increasing audience. You can now be part of this endeavour and we welcome you.

Dave Austin, DirectorFeeling Safe FoundationSeptember 2014



PREFACE

The Protective Behaviours Process was brought to the UK in the early 1990’s and since this time it has continued to be the only enduring practical approach to ending abuse and victimi-sation that places an understanding of Feeling Safe at its centre. This is a profound concept, individual to each person allowing them to reflect on their intuitive feelings and take action to feel safe again if needed.

Since people began using the Protective Behaviours Process for themselves and with others, there have been a range of papers defining all of the different aspects of the Process which were drawn together to form the original materials participants received on Protective Behav-iours courses. Alongside this, there were and still are, a number of specific resources for use in a variety of environmental contexts to help Protective Behaviours Practitioner’s apply their knowledge and skills with others.

This is the first book to define the Protective Behaviours Process as a set of Principles and Strategies and builds on the outstanding and pioneering work of many people, in particular, Di Margetts who dedicated over 15 years to establishing Protective Behaviours in the UK. Her commitment and enthusiasm inspired many others who have gone on to train people or devel-op Protective Behaviours based organisations. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge that it is much of Di’s original papers that have finally lead to this first book.

Initially work began to simply update the original materials into a format more accessible to learners. Following feedback from course participants, trainers and others with considerable PBs expertise, Tess Angelico and I set about drawing together all the papers into a more formal booklet. With more than 30 years of experience in using Protective Behaviours as practitioners and trainers ourselves, we set about the challenge to revise much of the material which took many hours. The work began in 2010 as part of our commitment to improving resources for the then Protective Behaviours UK Charity. As with many projects, other priorities take their place, technology poses increasing challenges and the ever-changing world around us demands a different response so this work plodded along very slowly. With the sudden and unexpected ending of the Charity and the creation of the new national organisation, the Protective Behav-iours Consortium, the opportunity to produce a cohesive book about the Protective Behaviours Process arose. At the same time, in line with a fresh new organisation, there were calls from practitioners and trainers for there to be something fresh and up to date to enable people to take this precious yet robust Process forward into the 21st Century.

The first edition of this book hopefully achieves this, however, as our understanding of the Pro-tective Behaviours Process evolves further, as it already has over the last 40 years since Peg Flandreau West initially developed it, I am sure it will be the first of many editions. Future ‘Pro-tective Behaviours People’ will be able to take their knowledge of ‘PBs’ beyond the limitations of my own thinking.

Maria HufferDirector, Protective Behaviours ConsortiumPreviously CEO for Protective Behaviours UKProtective Behaviours Trainer/ Consultant



ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Over time, many Protective Behaviours Trainers and Trainees, Trustees for the previous national charity and participants on Protective Behaviours courses have helped to shape the previous ‘Training Pack’. We thank you all for your contributions.

Two people, however, stand out for special mention.

The first is the founder of the Protective Behaviours’ Safety Process, Peg Flandreau West (1928 – 1991). As Sue Gordon notes in her Preface to Peg’s autobiographical book, Risking on Purpose. (1)

“The Protective Behaviours Program which she formulated and lived has been the vehicle through which countless children and adults have been able to take positive action for their own safety and that of others”.

The other person as previously mentioned, is Di Margetts, International Trainer and Consultant, who brought Protective Behaviours to the UK in 1992. By doing so, Di shared Peg’s gift to the world with many of us and, on behalf of all of us, I would like to thank Di for her unstinting hard work, dedication and enthusiasm for Protective Behaviours which she so generously gave to us. Protective Behaviours changed my life and has been the single most useful and effective “tool in my toolbox” since Di trained me in 1993.

Tess Angelico, Protective Behaviours Trainer and ConsultantProtective Behaviours UK Trustee (1999-2001)

My thanks to the following people for their support and contributions to this book:

Tess AngelicoDave AustinKaren Squillino and Carol ReedJulie NicholsonLinda ClarkeStuart WilcoxChris Huffer

Maria HufferDirector, Protective Behaviours ConsortiumPreviously CEO for Protective Behaviours UKProtective Behaviours Trainer/ Consultant

(1) Taken from ‘Risking on Purpose’ by Peg Flandreau West, published 1991 by Essence Publication PTY LTD, Australia



THE PROTECTIVE BEHAVIOURS PROCESSWorking Toward Creating Non-Violent

Relationships And Communities

INTRODUCTION

Protective Behaviours as an idea, was conceived by Peg Flandreau-West in 1975 when she was a school social worker in Wisconsin, USA. She was asked to learn about and report situ-ations of suspected child abuse in school. She subsequently asked a class of 7 year olds what they knew about feeling safe and at that moment Protective Behaviours started to become a reality. She went on to form the Process by coming up with two core themes with supporting practical strategies. In the last 40 years there have been a few changes and some additions to the Process improving its validity for today’s society. However, the first and most important Theme has not changed and it is not envisaged that it will at any time in the near future. It is a powerful statement that has been scrutinised for over 40 years and remains the consistent core principle in the Protective Behaviours process.

An internal approach to personal safety

The Protective Behaviours Process is defined by the acceptance that ‘the right to feel safe’ is a human right. Even without acceptance, every person wants to feel safe for most of their lives. Given the choice, most people want to feel safe from harm and abuse and enjoy life. Feeling safe is an individual concept, with each person recognising what feels safe for them. Equally, feeling unsafe is individual, with each person recognising their intuitive feeings in response to any situation. The Protective Behaviours Process encourages people to think about these intui-tive feelings, particularly being aware of those physical feelings which might indicate they are feeling unsafe, and to enable them to make decisions based on available choices. They can then choose behaviours or do something that might be protective for themselves or to help someone else. Their choice of protective behaviours will be to help themselves or someone else to feel safe again.



Context and useAlthough Protective Behaviours, commonly shortened to PBs, has its origins in child abuse prevention and the name stems from this, the context for its use has broadened out over the past 35 years and is now used in many different countries by a variety of people in a range of different ways. These include:

• Abuse Prevention• Anti- Bullying policies and practice• Assertiveness training• Challenging behaviours• Child and adolescent mental health• Child sexual exploitation prevention• Conferencing• Conflict resolution• Counselling• Crime prevention• Support for those affected by crime

or any kind of abuse• Personal wellbeing• Health and Safety • Vulnerable adults• Crisis Intervention

• Equality and diversity training• Family Support • Leadership and management• Mediation • Mentoring• PSHE education• Policy and Practice to create safer

cultures• Older people • Restorative Justice• Safeguarding Practice• Staff Development • Safer recruitment• Safer workplace relationships• Strategies for disabled people

About the Protective Behaviours Process: An Anti-Victim ApproachProtective Behaviours is an internationally acclaimed pro-cess which teaches specific strategies to help face chal-lenges with confidence and without sacrificing the right to feel safe.

It is a practical and down to earth approach to personal safety which encourages self-empowerment and brings with it the skills to avoid becoming a victim. It encourages an adventurous approach to life which satisfies the need for fun and excitement without violence and fear. The PBs process is enhanced by the use of the ‘Language of Safety’, a specific strategy which improves the quality of commu-nication by using ‘anti-victim’ language, language which is empowering and which enables people to be assertive with-out aggression and without being a ‘victim’. This changes thinking from someone who is a victim to someone who has been victimised, the focus is then on the behaviours that have affected that person’s feeling of safety.



Using Protective BehavioursThere are two main Themes in Protective Behaviours and the seven Strategies and other parts of the PBs process are built around these. PBs Practitioners can use any parts of the process for themselves and those they work with. Becoming more familiar with all parts of the PBs process creates greater opportunities and flexibility in the way it can be used. However, having an understanding of feeling safe is still central to whatever method or methodology is used. For example, a child with challenging behaviour may need to be taught “Stop, Feel, Think, Do” in order to help them think about their feelings and choose safer behaviours before they feel ‘out of control’ and go on to harm themselves or others. Depending on the circumstances, the PBs practitioner may or may not go on to teach the child the rest of the PBs process. However, for the Protective Behaviours Process to be most effective it is best when someone learns about all of it and has opportunities to revisit and embed this knowledge over time. The process can be taught to others as a programme, with PB Practitioners choosing the most appropriate starting point and understanding that in reality there is no specific start or finish to the Process; it is an interlinking framework of ideas to help someone feel safe. Practitioners are often fearful of ‘getting it wrong’. Using Protective Behaviours for themselves and Risking On Purpose, that is having a go, can be a good starting point without setting an Unwritten Rule that there must be significant outcomes from the session. Being aware that we can’t make people learn is helpful thinking; people are able to learn when they feel safe in a safe environ-ment. It can be hard to determine what someone else has learnt because their behaviours do not necessarily demonstrate that learning has taken place. Explaining PBs to someone pro-vides them with the strategies they may need for a time when they choose to use them, and this might be sometime in their future.

About This Book

As previously mentioned, Protective Behaviours is intended to be used in whatever way suits a particular situation, as a conversation, as a programme, or simply as a flexible framework of interlinking ideas. In this book the Protective Behaviours Process is presented in the traditional way it has been taught to practitioners, starting with an understanding about how the external world or ‘world around us’ affects someone’s feelings, thoughts and behaviours, progressing to the two main themes which are put into practice by using a range of strategies.

PBs is an internal process and each person who learns it applies the ideas to their own unique experience. It has often been described as “profound in its simplicity” and can be taught to anyone irrespective of age, ability, gender, race etc. Therein lies its beauty and “universal application”.

It is your choice how you use this book. It has been designed to provide details of the Protective Behaviours Process, and support your on-going PBs learning.



CHAPTER ONE

Overview of the Protective Behaviours ProcessIntroducing The Main Elements Of The Protective Behaviours Process

It is helpful to understand that the Protective Behaviours Process is a whole approach provid-ing a framework of interlinking ideas. There are 5 main sets of ideas or elements (see Fig. 1.1 below) which we can explore in detail to understand the principles and strategies that combine to make the whole Process. Within each of the elements there are key ideas (principles) that are supported by some practical strategies. To understand the purpose of any strategy it is useful to recognise the idea or principle behind it. Therefore the strategy is a helpful, practical option for upholding an important principle and enabling someone to feel safe when they need to.

Fig. 1.1 The Five PB Elements

Five Protective Behaviours Elements

• Unwritten Rules

• Feelings Thoughts and Behaviours

• Theme One: “We All Have The Right To Feel Safe All The Time”

• Theme Two: “We Can Talk With Someone About Anything Even If It’s Awful Or Small”

• Seven Strategies



The diagram below (Fig. 1.2) shows the elements and associated ideas that form the Protective Behaviours Process. It is a useful model for helping to remember all the parts that make up the whole Process although the diagram does not represent the interlinking relationship between each element.

Fig. 1.2 The Main Elements Of The Protective Behaviours Process

Clarity Quality

SharedMeaning

Ownership

NetworkReview

Language ofSafety

One StepRemoved

ProtectiveInterruption

Reinforcement Persistance

Unwritten Rules

Risking OnPurpose

Seven Strategies

Feelings, Thoughts andBehaviours

Rights andResponsibilities

Safety Continuum

Early Warning Signs

Theme OneWe all have the right to

feel safe all the time

PersonalNetworks

Theme TwoWe can talk with someone

about anything even if it’s awful or small



Review of the Protective Behaviours Process

Overview of the whole Process

Protective Behaviours (PBs) is a practical and down to earth approach to personal safety. It is a simple, flexible and effective process which is inclusive and therefore accessible to everyone.

The term ‘Protective Behaviours’ was originally used by Peg Flandreau-West to name her Child Abuse Prevention Program (1970s). In retaining the quality and integrity of the process she devised, the name has remained the same worldwide. It aptly describes a personal safety pro-cess based on an understanding of ‘feeling safe’ which has evolved to meet modern day needs and which has a broad range of applications.

Overview of the Elements of the Protective Behaviours ProcessThis summary provides an introduction to each part of the Protective Behaviours Process.

Unwritten Rules of Society

There are certain rules of society that have a powerful influence on our choices of behaviour. Whilst these rules can be positive and help to guide our interactions, many of them tell us that we should, ought, or must behave in a particular way. For instance, children should do as adults tell them; professionals ought to always have the answer; men must not show their feelings and women should behave in a ladylike manner. These rules are not written down, are often contradictory and do not always seem to fit in with our own personal experiences. Some unwritten rules may even prevent some people from feeling safe and getting the help that they need. Other unwritten rules may cause individuals or groups in society to feel isolated, inade-quate and excluded. PBs enables people to identify unwritten rules and choose which feel safe for them.

Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours

PBs recognises the interaction between Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours with the idea that thoughts affect/can change both feelings and behaviours. Feelings are feelings; neither right nor wrong; not good or bad. Sometimes one feeling may be masked with another, or behav-iours may be used as a way of avoiding or covering over feelings. In PBs, where the sense of ownership of Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours is encouraged, behaviour is a person’s own choice with an effect.



Theme 1: “We All Have The Right To Feel Safe All The Time”

This statement is the core belief underpinning the Protective Behaviours Process. It is inclusive with values of diversity and equality at its centre. Feeling safe is viewed as a basic human right, supported by the idea that every right has a responsibility that goes with it. People discover for themselves the difference between feeling safe and unsafe by recognising their intuitive feel-ings. The physical feelings someone has when they feel unsafe are called Early Warning Signs (EWS). These alert them that they may need to do something to feel safe again.

Theme 2: “We Can Talk With Someone About Anything Even If It’s Awful Or Small”

This statement reinforces the message in Theme 1 that if a person is not feeling safe it is ok to talk with someone to get the help they need. It encourages everyone to develop their personal networks of support because this is positive and life enhancing behaviour. A person’s support network is made up of the people they choose to talk with and whom they think have the right qualities to help them, particularly that they will be believed.

The Seven Strategies

These strategies can effectively be used to put the two themes into practice. They do not need to be used in any order and someone may need to use some or all of them to get the help they need to feel safe.

Theme Re-Inforcement- reminding verbally, visually and especially by example, the two themes.Network Review - constantly checking to ensure that personal networks are available and still fit an individual’s needs. One Step Removed - using a ‘third person’ approach to problem solving, to seek as-sistance or to check out someone’s ideas before making a disclosure. Protective Interruption - any action taken to interrupt or halt any potential or actual unsafe situation. Persistence - seeking help until someone feels safe again and their Early Warning Signs (EWS) have gone. This includes seeking further help if their EWS don’t go or return. Risking On Purpose - deliberately choosing to take a risk when the outcome may be what is wanted or needed.The Language Of Safety - This is the glue that holds the Protective Behaviours Process together. It includes re-framing language into an empowering, non-victimising and non-violent format that is consistent with the PB’s process. It means observing everyone’s right to feel safe.

In the following chapters each part or element of the Protective Behaviours Process is covered in more detail and depth.



CHAPTER 2

Unwritten Rules

Almost all aspects of daily life are influenced by rules. Some are written as laws; others seem to have power and yet are not actually written anywhere. For instance there are often rules about eating, such as about the way people eat, what they eat, who they eat with, where they eat and at what times; yet more rules about table manners, style of cooking and what is the right food to eat etc. In some circumstances, where such rules have existed for some time or to give them greater power or emphasis, they may be written down for others to follow but they still originated as unwritten, verbal rules or guidelines that have no legal basis.

These unwritten rules help guide interactions between individuals and as such are helpful. A person can use previously acquired rules and experiences to help them cope with new situa-tions and to feel comfortable in known environments. However, someone changing the rules, could lead to another person feeling considerable anxiety, particularly when it is hard for them to identify which rules have changed. An incident of bullying behaviours in the workplace is a good example of this. Many of these rules also seem to be contradictory, unrealistic and place too high an expectation on people. In some cases they are contrary to the very fabric of a per-son’s identity and experience.

These rules come from, or are handed down through and are reinforced by, all aspects of society including families, peers, friends, religious institutions, and all forms of media, schools, and professional training bodies; all the influences that create a person’s culture. The unwritten rules can change over time and from place to place, different in each society, social or cultural groups. Behind these rules are issues of power, class, racism, sexism, homophobia and any other form of prejudice or discrimination. People can be ostracised, labelled, shunned or sanc-tioned by others if they do not abide by these rules, or they may feel guilty and isolate them-selves from others.

At an individual level the result of labelling may be experienced by someone as feeling like an outsider or not belonging. A fundamental human need is to have a sense of belonging and to achieve this usually means some level of conformity to a particular group. Peer and other pres-sures push individuals into accepting unwritten rules which may be at odds with their personal beliefs and wishes. When conforming and compliance is encouraged this can lead to a person becoming vulnerable by thinking they have to follow Unwritten Rules even if they feel wrong, unsafe and perhaps scary; they do not think they have a choice about whether to follow them or not. This is disempowering and engenders inequality.

Conversely, if a person is told they are different it may result in a loss of self-esteem and self-worth. For a few people labelling enables them to rebel and deliberately break rules. This may either create further problems or result in personal and social change.



One easy way to recognise when an unwritten rule is around or being activated is when the words should, must, ought are heard in a person’s own head or when others tell the person what to feel, think or do.

Some Unwritten Rules are needed to help guide behaviour and relationships. They are helpful as a guide to determining the behaviours that support a safe relationship. By using the Protective Behaviours Process individuals can choose for themselves which Unwritten Rules fit their personal values and beliefs and which ones they feel safe with.

Therefore, as part of the Protective Behaviours Process it is necessary for someone to rec-ognise how they feel in response to an Unwritten Rule and to consider the options available to them in how they respond. This is using an intuitive and internal point of reference to make decisions about external rules and the external environment, the world around them.

Points For Discussion:

• Consider the effects of telling children they must not talk to strangers

• Consider how Unwritten Rules might affect the ability of someone who has been victimised and hurt (physically/ sexually/ emotionally) to get the help they need to feel safe again.

Key Points About Unwritten Rules:

• We need Unwritten Rules to help us to feel safe and comfortable in different situations and environments.

• We cannot always control the external world of Unwritten Rules but we can choose how we respond.

• Unwritten Rules are often contradictory, confusing, change over time and place.

• There are strong influences that create Unwritten Rules, as well as our own experiences and assumptions.

• There is often a pressure to conform and the effects of conforming may be harmful to an individual and may result in victimisation.

• They can be disempowering and unsafe.

• We need to recognise that we have a choice in the way that we respond to Unwritten Rules, using our internal feelings and thoughts to recognise options and choose what we do.



Ideas from participants on Unwritten Rules at

PBC Intermediate Level Course, Stevenage 2014



CHAPTER 3

Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours

Our Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours generally work in conjunction with each other. If some-one is feeling happy, their thoughts will be happy thoughts and their behaviours will reflect this. All three are affected by, and have an effect on, our belief systems which are related to the unwritten rules of society.

The diagram Fig. 3.1 below shows a simple and easily understood relationship between Feel-ings, Thoughts and Behaviours. This has been adapted from earlier models to show behaviours above feelings and thoughts to demonstrate how it is the behaviours of a person that are seen by others around them. Feelings and thoughts can only be ‘seen’ through the behaviour some-one shows. However, this may not really give a clue to how someone might be feeling and what they are thinking and yet judgments and interpretations are made by others based on what can be seen.

Fig. 3.1 Relationship Between Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviour

The central point of the diagram represents the ideal internal world of a person, where they are recognising how they are feeling, thinking through the options available to them and then choosing and doing something. Improved wellbeing is achieved by engaging all three innate elements effectively, particularly when the focus is on feeling safe.

Thoughts

Behaviours

Feelings

In Balance

Affected by External Unwritten Rules, Belief and Culture



Sometimes people do a lot of feeling and then act without really thinking. A typical example of this could be when people use bullying behaviour without thinking of the effect it may have on others and themselves. There are times when people agonise over something – doing lots of feeling and thinking but taking no action. Whenever one of these elements is missed out, a per-son is likely to be out of balance. However, there are times when an individual needs to place an emphasis on one element or another. For example, a nurse may need to suspend feelings to deal with a particularly difficult procedure. It is when that nurse continues to ignore or repress any feelings about the situation that psychological and physical problems could emerge.

Our Feeling Are Our Feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel in any given situation. The feelings experienced are indi-vidual to each person. Individuals can, and often do, experience more than one feeling at the same time. Sometimes one feeling can be hidden behind the mask of another, e.g. hiding fear behind anger.

Feelings are sometimes separated into physical feelings such as hot, cold, tired, painful, and emotional feelings such as happy, sad, lonely, and angry. Although these two terms are used, people may experience emotional feelings physically and have emotional responses to physical feelings. Also, two people may experience the same event and yet respond with totally differ-ent feelings.

Feelings are an internal reality. The way an individual feels is the way they can understand their own experience and the world around them. It is empowering to ‘own’ and take responsibility for feelings and also to respect other people’s feelings. This is a key idea in the strategy, the Language of Safety, where ownership of feelings is seen as important and empowering.

Behaviour Is A Choice

There is not always a choice about what happens to someone. However, they do have a choice about the way they respond to both the event in question and the feeling it evokes. Sometimes our choices are limited by circumstances. When people feel powerless or helpless, they often think that they have no choice. In fact the choices are there although they may not be able to recognise or act upon them at that time. Recognising the options or thinking through the avail-able choices enables an individual to consider the choice that will be the safest for them at that time.

Behaviour Is A Choice With An Effect On Ourselves And Others

There are always effects in relation to the choices that people make. The effect is on their own and other people’s feelings, including people that person might not know or be in the same environment with. There is a ripple effect or vibration affecting other people following some ac-tions; this is particularly felt in a terrible act of violence. Significantly, the language we choose and our body language affects those who hear what we say.



We Need To Make Choices For Ourselves, But We Do Not Need To Make Them By Ourselves

If a person chooses to ‘bottle things up’, it may contribute to stress related problems. They need to make decisions or choices for themselves. However, they do not need to make them by themselves. This is where thinking and networking come into play.

Thinking Can Influence Feelings and Behaviours

Many people forget the connection between thoughts, feelings and action. Some people say they cannot control their feelings and therefore cannot control their behaviours. This is rarely true. Most people can use their thinking to decide which choices are the best ones for them, while still observing the rights of others to feel safe. By changing thoughts, a person may be able to change the way they feel and act. For example, if someone uses self-affirming thoughts they may feel more confident and have increased self-esteem. This can lead to more life enhancing decisions and behaviours.

Discussion Points:

• Consider how a ‘feelings’ vocabulary can be important in helping children to feel and be safe.

• Explore how using Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours (options/ behaviours choice) can be used as a problem solving approach and as a strategy for changing behaviours. This approach recognises how people are feeling during or following a particular event and how the people involved might be mirroring each other’s feelings. There can be an exploration of what people were think-ing at the time and use thinking to consider other behaviour options for the future.

Key Points About Feelings, Thoughts And Behaviours:

• Feelings, thoughts and behaviours are our own internal points of reference which are affected by the external environment of unwritten rules and other people’s actions.

• Being in balance, by thinking about how we are feeling and choosing behav-iours which support our right to feel safe, is helpful to improving personal wellbeing.

• Feelings are feelings. All feelings are valid and important in helping us to un-derstand our relationship with the external environment. Feeling unsafe and feeling angry may indicate that actions need to be chosen to help a person experiencing those feelings to feel safe again whilst at the same time not affecting anyone else’s right to feel safe. They may need to seek help from someone else to help them to make choices for themselves.



Key points about Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours (continued):

• Behaviour is a choice with an effect. No one else chooses our behaviour for us. We are responsible for our own choice of behaviour which is empowering and is congruent with the Language of Safety. We use thinking to decide the best choice of behaviour for us, to change our behaviour and influence how we feel.

• The physical feelings a person has in response to feeling scared, anxious, excited or stressed need to be recognised to help them think through their options and choose an action that feels safe for them or others. However, it may require someone taking a careful risk that might feel unsafe to get the outcome they need, to feel safe again (Risking on Purpose).



CHAPTER 4

Theme One: “We All Have The Right To Feel Safe All The Time”

This is the most important principle in the Protective Behaviours Process. Without this the Process loses the unique quality which sets it apart from other approaches. This statement proposes that feeling safe and the right to feel safe are important to everyone. When people recognise and are able to act on this for themselves, they are enabled and empowered to pro-tect themselves from harm and victimisation. This is fundamental in order for safeguarding to be truly effective. If a person feels safe they are more able to achieve in life and take up oppor-tunities that improve their personal wellbeing. The right to feel safe is inclusive of everyone. If a person values this right for themselves and others, they will have increased confidence, self-worth and self- esteem and be more able to use Protective Behaviours strategies effectively. The more people that value this statement individually and collectively (in families, schools, workplaces and communities), the stronger the possibility of a future without violence, abuse and victimisation.

This statement has been the corner-stone of the Protective Behaviours Process for nearly 40 years. Each part of the statement still retains its relevance to society today. In Fig. 4.1 below the statement has been seperated to show the significance of each part.

Fig. 4.1 Unpicking Theme One

We AllThis is inclusive and no one is excluded. It creates equality of opportunity. There are no exceptions.

Have The Right This refers to Human and Civil Rights. Every person has this human right but this does not mean that every person is in a position to act on this right.

To Feel Safe The statement clearly states ‘feel safe’ and not ‘be safe’. Feeling safe is individual and what might feel safe for one person might not feel safe for another.

All The Time Having the right, at all times, in all situations and circumstances, even when unable to act upon it.



Rights and Responsibilities

Within the statement is the reference to Rights and Responsibilities. Inalienable Human Rights are:

• Common to all• An entitlement (not earned, optional or subject to removal)• Not dependent on law

This means that the right to feel safe exists for everyone and is enduring throughout a person’s life.

In the context of Protective Behaviours, responsibilities correspond to Human Rights and other entitlements and civil liberties. As a practical and enabling strategy, responsibilities relate to ownership and an ability to respond to need.

Therefore, someone’s responsibilities can be seen as being:

• TO others – they are able TO respond to the needs of others and have an abil-ity to respond in a practical way.

• FOR self – they are responsible FOR their own feelings, thoughts and behav-iours or actions and can meet their own needs.

This supports the Language of Safety which encourages people to take ownership of their feelings, thoughts and behaviours, including when talking. There is no blaming or shaming of people for example saying ‘they made me do it’; the focus is on owning behaviour.

Protective Behaviours is about taking responsibility for our actions and not choosing behaviour that detrimentally affects someone else’s right to feel safe.

This does not mean we need to lead a life without fun and adventures. In fact, a Protective Behaviours approach encourages such activities because these experiences are life enhancing and help people to understand when they feel safe and when they don’t feel safe. The safety continuum is a useful way of understanding the concept of feeling safe and knowing how to have fun or take risks in a way that still protects the individual.

Personal Safety

Unwritten RulesFeelings Thoughts and Behaviours

We All Have The Right To Feel Safe All The TimeWe Can Talk With Someone About Anything

Even If It’s Awful Or SmallSeven Strategies

ReinforcementOne Step Removed

Network Review Risking On PurposePersistance

Protective Interruption

Language of Safety

Clarity

SharedMeaning

OwnershipQuality

Personal Network

Rights and Responsibilities

Safety ContinuumEarly Warning Signs

Feeling SafeFun to Feel Scared

Choice

Control Time Limit

Stop,Feel,

Think,Do

Safe Network

Helping Hands

Safe Place



The Safety Continuum

Protective Behaviours explores the concept of safety along a continuum. This enables people to have fun and adventures whilst retaining choice, control and time limit and knowing that they have the right to feel safe.

Fig. 4.2 The Safety Continuum

The Safety Continuum is based on how an individual feels in different situations. In addition, a person can recognise that they may be feeling differently about the same situation at a different time and therefore be in a different place on the continuum.

The Continuum helps individuals to reference what feels safe for them and recognise when they are not feeling safe.

Feeling Safe

Individuals can get in touch with Feeling Safe by remembering or imagining a Safe Place in their heads. Some feelings might be…warm, comfortable, secure, loved, peaceful, relaxed…An imaginary safe place is a useful way to get in touch with some of these feelings when someone wants, or needs, to feel safe. See Appendix 1 for a suggested script.

FEELINGSAFE

FUN TOFEEL

SCARED

RISKINGON

PURPOSEFEELINGUNSAFE

Have a CHOICE, CONTROL and TIME LIMIT

EARLY WARNING SIGNSIntuitive physical feelings in response to danger

NOCHOICE

CONTROLOR

TIME LIMIT



Fun To Feel Scared

Some people enjoy the physical ‘adrenalin rush’ of Fun To Feel Scared activities such as theme parks, fast sports, scary movies etc… They have made the choice to be there and are in control for themselves. Each person knows when they are feeling safe and when it’s OK to take risks or have adventurous fun when they can identify that they have:

• Choice• Control• Time Limits

Risking On Purpose

Sometimes, when an individual is doing or learning new things they may feel uncomfortable or worried about how it will turn out. A person can Risk on Purpose when their internal feelings alert them to discomfort or danger and they make the choice to proceed anyway. They recognise there is still choice, control and time limit. They can then think before they act:

• What might be the possible effects of my actions…?• What could I do if…?• Am I observing my responsibility to other people’s safety…?

As a strategy it can help someone to take the risk they need to, to get help. A person uses Pro-tective Behaviours to achieve an outcome; to feel safe again, overcome a challenging situation or issue or achieve something that is life enhancing.

Early Warning Signs

Emotional feelings are reflected in physical feelings and can be identified by observing what is going on in our bodies. These are our Early Warning Signs (EWS) and may include heart beating faster, sweaty palms, stomach churning, wobbly knees, hairs standing on end etc…. Someone’s EWS are their internal measurement of risk or safety. It can be hard for small children to attribute the term ‘Early Warning Signs’ to how their tummy feels for instance, when they are high up on a slide, swing or tree. Using a term that they can relate to is important such as, ‘butterflies’, or ‘Oh oh’ feelings, so that they can describe to an adult how they are feeling, particularly if they are feeling scared. Recognising EWS when doing something that is fun is an important safety strategy as this helps someone to know when they are not feeling safe or what they may experience if they choose to Risk On Purpose.

‘How might someone’s body physically respond to feeling unsafe or feeling scared?’

Early Warning Signs can be explored safely using a one-step removed approach, such as drawing early warning signs on the outline of a gingerbread person. This method allows anyone to consider what early warning signs might be without having to think of a time when they personally felt unsafe or scared.



Feeling Unsafe

A person feels unsafe when they have their EWS and feel that they don’t have choice or control or are not sure how long the situation will go on (time limit). This might include a situation that started out as fun but then feels unsafe.

4.3 Responding to a Personal Emergency

If someone is feeling unsafe, they can:

This response gives an individual thinking time to clarify the situation and identify available op-tions, before choosing an action. The action could be to talk with someone to get immediate help.

Discussion Points:

• Consider the importance of Theme 1 in helping someone to understand what ‘feeling safe’ is and how feeling safe might feel for them.

• The Protective Behaviours Approach encourages an adventurous approach to life. Explore the value of having adventures in relation to enabling someone to keep themselves feeling safe from harm and abuse.

Key Points About Theme One:

• Theme one states “We All Have The Right To Feel Safe All The Time”.

• It is an inclusive statement that recognises the ‘feeling safe’ as a human right which is a lifelong entitlement.

• This is a right every person has but may not be able to act on.

STOP FEEL THINK DO

Check Out EWS

ThinkThroughOptions

Do something to help feel safe again



• With every right there is a corresponding responsibility, in this case, not to violate or affect the right of others to feel safe.

• Responsibility, when recognised as an ability to respond, is a practical re-sponse TO meeting the needs of others and FOR meeting an individual’s own needs. It helps people to understand that they are responsible for their own feelings, thoughts and choice of behaviour.

• The safety continuum illustrates the difference between feeling safe and feel-ing unsafe. It allows people to think about how it feels to feel safe; The Safe Place Exercise is a useful way to explore what feeling safe is like. If someone recognises what feeling safe is like for them they will be more able to recog-nise when they are not feeling safe.

• On the safety continuum, someone might choose Fun To Feel Scared ac-tivities. They will have a choice about what they are going to do. They may choose to surrender control temporarily because they know that the activity is going to end and they can regain control.

• Risking on Purpose means to choose activities or experiences even though they may not necessarily be enjoyable. They can help people achieve more in life through the outcome and be important for their well-being.

• Early Warning Signs are those physical feelings a body has as a response to danger. If someone can recognise when they have Early Warning Signs they can think about what is happening to them or is going on around them and then choose how to respond. Someone will have early warning signs when they are doing Fun To Feel Scared activities or Risking on Purpose and there-fore learn to recognise these intuitive feelings while still having choice, control and time-limit.

• Someone may be feeling unsafe when they have early warning signs and realise that they do not have choice, control or a time-limit. This is a personal emergency and they can:

- Stop (stop what they are doing)- Feel (recognise their early warning signs and check out how they are feeling and)- Think (think through what is happening and what options are available)- Do (choose to do something to help them feel safe again)



CHAPTER 5

Theme 2

“We Can Talk With Someone About Anything Even If It’s Awful Or Small”

This statement is the second Theme of the Protective Behaviours Process and, although the wording for this theme changed in 2011, the idea behind it has remained intact. It is important to maintain the integrity and fidelity of the Protective Behaviours Process so each part of the more recent wording has equal significance to the previous statement but is more accessible and more easily remembered. It now has continuity with Theme 1 by starting with ‘we’, estab-lishing that this statement is inclusive of everyone.

Fig. 5.1 Unpicking Theme 2

We Can Talk

Inclusive of everyone, this encourages people to communicate.

With Someone Not talk ‘to’; this is an interactive process with each person contributing to the conversation. Talking with someone on their own personal network with whom the invitation to share has been accepted.

About Anything

Permission to talk about anything and everything, particularly those things which might feel unsafe. Sharing achievements is important too for improving personal well-being and raising self-esteem.

Even If It’s Awful Those things that may be awful or terrible or feel scary, embarrassing or humiliating. It is even okay to talk about topics that might be taboo.

Or Small Recognise that even small things are important too. Something an adult considers small or unimportant maybe huge and significant for a child. Minimising something by saying “it’s nothing much”.

Original Wording Of Theme 2 There is nothing so awful (or small) that we can’t talk with someone about it.You may find this wording in older Protective Behaviours resources.



Following on from Theme 1, the second Theme is important in providing a practical response for an individual if they have their early warning signs and don’t feel safe. It enables them to seek help from someone they choose. The statement is giving permission or saying it is okay to talk about their feelings and about issues, concerns or situations that feel unsafe for them. In addition, it is generally recognised that talking about feelings is beneficial to physical and emotional health and well-being. This is why encouraging people, in particular children, to be in touch with how they are feeling and have a comprehensive feelings vocabulary to name physi-cal and emotional feelings is essential. If a child knows that it is okay to talk about feelings, they are more likely to be able to say when they are feeling unsafe, scared or frightened. This is fundamental to effective safeguarding practice.

Talking With Someone

Saying something aloud for the first time might be the first time that an individual realises and accepts that an issue is real. The value of talking is it that enables someone to:

• Organise their thoughts• Share a concern• Seek a response• Identify and ventilate their feelings• Clarify issues and ideas• Decide on an action• Get help

The concept of talking with implies a two-way conversation with each person having an equal contribution. There can be a well-intentioned desire to ‘rescue’ someone and take control over them, assuming the person has relinquished or handed over power and the problem to solve. As with the rest of the Protective Behaviours Process, empowering someone to be able to help themself retains equality and maintains their choice, control and time-limit over the situation.

Theme 2 indicates that there is someone who will listen and respond when a person needs to talk. Who the ‘someones’ might be is a matter of conjecture and based on each person’s own choice. As the statement does not state ‘anyone’, we know that each someone will have particular qualities that they bring to the conversation and, depending on the issue for which help is being sought, could have very different qualities to other people on a personal network. Therefore, it is helpful to encourage a person to choose different people to invite onto their personal network. For a personal network to be of any use the people on it are entirely of an individual’s own choice; by insisting they put a specific person on negates the likelihood of the individual going to that person for help. Conversely, demanding that a person is taken off someone’s network because they are unsuitable is equally disempowering. Talking about the qualities of the chosen person could be the way forward and eventually there will be recognition that the chosen person is perhaps not suitable or able to meet the individual’s needs.



Fig. 5.2 Possible Network People and Qualities

Even knowing that someone has the right qualities to be a good network person is not enough. The only way to really know that the person is the right choice to talk with about a specific is-sue is by being in tune with intuitive feelings and the presence of early warning signs. People know the person to whom they want to talk is okay for them if they feel okay; it may be neces-sary to use a One-Step Removed strategy to do this checking out and be Persistent in finding the right person to help.

The ‘Someone’s’ Might Be A:

FriendFamily memberExtended family memberFamily support workerCarerSocial worker TeacherTeaching mentorMentorLunch time supervisorCounsellorCouncillor Youth workerYouth offending workerHealth visitorHealth professionalsG.P.School nurseNeighbourCommunity police officerResidential workerHelp line operator

Qualities Of A Network Person Might Be:

TrustworthyGood listenerEmpathyProblem solverKnowledgeableHelpfulKnow other helpful peopleNon judgementalHonestSympatheticReliableResponsibleFair mindedAnonymous

Most Of All:Able to explore optionsReal (Alive)Available and accessibleWilling to believe meWilling to take action for and with me if necessarySomeone I Feel safe with



5.3 Identifying Personal Networks - Helping Hands

How toknow?

Who?

How toContact?

Qualities?

Sometimes it can be hard for someone to identify even one network person so it can be helpful to offer a range of people that may be available. Enabling someone to develop a strong net-work improves their resilience and ability to cope with life’s challenges. Finding and choosing the right network person is the first step and then ensuring that knowing how to contact the network person is vital. Writing letters is a useful way to clarify issues; however, it is a rarely used method of communication for contacting a friend or family member today. Most people use modern technology such as mobile phones or emails. When supporting someone in de-veloping their Personal Network, it is helpful to ensure they have everything they need to get in contact with their network person.

For instance if they are going to use a mobile phone, check they have:

- phone credit - the network person’s number accurately recorded - the technological know-how to use the devise



If they are going to email someone, check they have:

- a computer - an internet provider - email account- contact’s email address- understand the limitations of privacy on a computer- have reasonable literacy skills to share communication

Helping someone to develop their Personal Network is extremely valuable because it enables them to find help and support when they need it and to feel less isolated. It creates resilience and moves away from reliance on outside help when they reach a crisis point in their life by empowering them to seek help from an available network at an earlier stage. The less prescrip-tive the network, the more open the range of possibilities for finding a network person.

5.4 Constructing a Personal Network

Network People are:

AliveAvailable

Own choiceThose they live with/ Family

Emergency People:For example:

Emergency ServicesProfessional Support

ChildlineSamaritans...

More networks =Greater Resilience:Social and Leisure

School or WorkFaith BasedBorrowed

Emergency

Safe Network for Rehearsal:

PetsToys

Imaginary friendDiary

Spiritual Being

4 Others



Helping someone to develop and maintain a number of different networks increases the oppor-tunities for sharing not only the more difficult things in life but also the successes and adven-tures they have, building self-esteem, valuing themselves and reducing stress; all important for well-being.

Going into a new situation, such as starting a new job or new school, may mean that a Person-al Network does not yet exist and while taking the time to establish a new one, a person could ‘borrow’ someone from another person’s network or even ‘borrow’ a complete network.

There are times when a network is not available, as in an emergency situation and identifying who might be around to help if needed is vital. This might include identifying a stranger and checking out early warning signs to feel if they are ok. If children are told they must not speak to strangers (as an Unwritten Rule) it may deny them accessing and asking for help in an emer-gency.

Talking with something that is not human, such as pet or teddy, identified on the safe network for rehearsal, can help someone to sort out their ideas so that they know what to do next or decide who to talk with. These are available, willing to listen and are non-judgemental. How-ever, though a valuable part of a personal network, they are not able to physically intervene, perhaps to protect a child or adult.

Although it is useful to use a person’s own hand as a ‘helping hand’ for a personal network, it can be fun to offer other images on which to write or draw on a network.

Other Network Images...

Flowers & Petals Football

Umbrella



Discussion Points:

• Consider the importance of Theme 2 in supporting Theme 1 and how it can enable someone to keep them feeling safe.

• Think about the benefits for people of all ages in having a personal network and why this is essential in putting safeguarding into practice.

Key Points About Theme 2:

• Theme 2 states “We Can Talk With Someone About Anything Even If It’s Awful Or Small”.

• It is an inclusive statement giving everyone permission to talk with a network person.

• If someone is feeling scared or unsafe they can talk with a network person to get the help they need to feel safe again.

• It recognises the value of talking about concerns, worries, and issues as well as achievements and adventures.

• Talking with is emphasised to ensure that the two-way conversation is based on equality and empowerment.

• Anything can be talked about even those things which are awful, terrible, scary, humiliating, embarrassing etc.

• What might be small or an insignificant issue for one person might not be for someone else. Even the smallest issues can be talked about.

• Someones with particular qualities are chosen and invited onto a personal network. They need to be alive and available. It can be helpful to suggest who the someones might be, however, it is still remains an individual’s personal choice.

• Ensuring someone has the means to contact their network person is important if the network is to be effective.

• Developing a personal network using a hand to symbolically represent the network and people on it, can be encouraged. There are other options if using a hand is not a practical.

• Having more than one network for support is advantageous and leads to greater resilience and capacity to problem solve, deal with stress and maintain good personal wellbeing. Identifying who is available in an emergency could be life-saving.

• Personal networks are of vital importance for safety and adventures.• Protective Behaviours strategies are helpful in identifying and evaluating

network people that feel safe and getting the help needed.



CHAPTER 6

Seven Protective Behaviours Strategies

The Protective Behaviours Strategies are protective actions or behaviours that enable people to put Protective Behaviours into practice. The Strategies are an integral part of the Protective Behaviours Process, some of which have been mentioned already. They are practical ways to help use the principles of the Protective Behaviours Process more effectively. There is no rule about the way the strategies should be implemented. It is each individual’s own choice to use them in whatever way is needed to promote personal safety and wellbeing. Any one, or more than one, can be used to help someone; for example, someone may need to be persistent in finding the right network person and they could then use one-step removed for self-protection while they check out if they are suitable for their needs at that time.

The Strategies, in no particular order, are:

Theme Reinforcement

Keeping the two themes in constant awareness using visual images, language awareness, role modeling and any other creative ways reminds, empowers and encourages everyone. This might include using the safety continuum to check how a new situation or activity might be af-fecting someone. Continual exposure to the two Themes and using them with ‘I’ instead of ‘we’ will reinforce the significance of the Themes for every individual.

One Step Removed

This strategy provides a way of obtaining information and/or checking out a situation, or a person, before someone discloses a problem or reveals more than they might wish. Questions can be asked such as “How could someone keep themselves feeling safe even if …such and such were to happen?” Or, “What if…I told you about a friend who…?” Other creative uses of One Step Removed include puppetry, role-plays, stories, songs and poetry. This is a supportive approach when addressing challenging issues to avoid directly challenging a person and yet being able to demonstrate what the effects of behaviours might be through a story or scenario. When exploring Early Warning Signs, this is a safe strategy to use so that an individual is pro-tected from having to think about a time when they might have felt unsafe.

Network Review

Checking Personal Networks on a regular basis to ensure that people are available, and are suited to their needs. To maintain a Personal Network, check out if it is necessary to change the choice of network person or create new networks of support. For children who might be in changing care or school situations this is essential as their networks can disappear in an instant. Children and adults can best protect themselves if they have a strong network of sup-port. A resilient network is one that is updated to meet changing needs.



Persistence

This is to try and try again (and again) if necessary until an individual feels safe and their Early Warning Signs subside. This might mean seeking help from any number of people on a Per-sonal Network to get the help, support and encouragement needed to overcome a personally challenging situation. Sometimes Unwritten Rules prevent someone from being persistent, thinking no one will believe them or they might be considered a complainer or be ‘grassing’ on someone else. An overly compliant individual, fearful of speaking out, needs to be encouraged to persist and may need someone to persist for them.

Protective Interruption

This is any action taken to interrupt or halt a potential or actual unsafe situation. A professional might use this strategy to Protectively Interrupt or stop someone disclosing something in a situation which could increase their vulnerability. Sometimes it can be a difficult decision to prevent a disclosure when this is a desired outcome as part of an intervention, however every person has the right to feel safe all the time and a disclosure in an unsafe environment may need to be prevented to protect every person’s right to feel safe.

Someone can interrupt on someone else’s behalf or their own if they have their early warn-ing signs and feel unsafe. Interrupting someone else’s behaviours, particularly racist or sexist language, can be challenging but to let it continue can lead to greater harm; walking away is an option. This strategy utilises Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviours to enable someone to think through how they are feeling, think through how to protectively interrupt and then actually do something. It could be to self-interrupt to stop something that is affecting someone’s life e.g. overwork, smoking, and drug or alcohol misuse.

Risking On Purpose

This strategy is part of the Safety Continuum and is when someone wants a particular the outcome from something they are doing and they have choice, control and time limit. It may not always feel like fun. Risking on Purpose always includes observing the right of others to feel safe. Someone may have their Early Warning Signs, but they know that these will diminish when they achieve their goal or get the help they need. They may need to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to do this. By Risking On Purpose and choosing to do things which might feel uncomfortable at the time, a person can achieve more and have life enhancing experiences. This is an important strategy for supporting change and improving wellbeing.

The Language Of Safety

The Language of Safety is integrated throughout the Protective Behaviours Process and is often referred to as ‘the glue that holds the Process together’ or ‘being like a silver thread weaving through the whole Process.’



In Unwritten Rules unsafe, command language can be heard in should, ought and must. The ownership of feelings, thoughts and choice of behaviours is empowering and uses ‘I’ state-ments. What a person chooses to say affects the feelings, thoughts and behaviours of others too. This includes verbal and non-verbal messages as well as body language. Choosing to use language that observes everyone’s right to feel safe is explicit if we are to be consistent in using Protective Behaviours. This includes having clarity, ensuring shared meaning, owning the words that are used, and observing the quality of our language e.g. by asking ourselves – is it inclusive, empowering, non-violent and assertive? If the language used is victimising and disempowering, it avoids responsibility. This does not enable someone to take effective action because they do not feel they have control over their own feelings and actions, and that the situation can only be improved by someone else, not themselves.

The Language Of Safety is actively used to reframe language, from communication that dis-counts feelings and thoughts, to that which is encouraging and raises self- esteem. It is lan-guage that discourages the use of violent metaphors and command statements. By being more invitational, people recognise that they have a choice in the way they respond. Command mode can be kept for use in an emergency – ‘stop!’ The Language Of Safety is congruent with all parts of the Process and therefore by recognising Early Warning Signs and feelings to de-fine what feels safe or comfortable for an individual removes the need to prescribe unhelpful rules, for example the rules about talking to strangers and ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’. These Unwritten Rules rely on external references about being safe, they limit options and discount a person’s feelings, thoughts and behaviours and the right to feel safe.

6.1 The Essential Components of the Language of Safety

Quality ofLanguage

SharedMeaning

Clarity Ownership

The Language of Safety



Points For Discussion:

• Consider the importance of knowing about the strategies in supporting someone who might not be feeling safe

• Explore the difference between the Language of Safety and Politically Correct Language; Unwritten Rules are inherent in deciding what is ‘PC’

Key Points About The Seven Strategies:

• They are essential ‘tools’ for helping someone put the Protective Behaviours Process into practice.

• They are practical actions or protective behaviours that are enabling and em-powering.

• The Strategies are cohesive and consistent with the whole of the Protective Behaviours Process and can be implemented to support Theme 1 in ensuring someone can act on their right to feel safe and know how to respond if they are not feeling safe.

• The Language of Safety is integral to and integrated through the Protective Behaviours Process.

• The strategies ensure Protective Behaviours is a practical and down to earth approach to personal safety which encourages self-empowerment and brings with it the skills to avoid becoming a victim.

FINALLY…

By using Protective Behaviours constantly, through the language we use and the behaviours we model that respect everyone’s right to feel safe, the more able are we to internalise it and use it effectively for ourselves and with others.

The concepts of safety and adventure are linked together in the Protective Behaviours Process with feeling safe being individual to each person based on their own experiences. Protective Behaviours gives us the opportunity to have adventures and know how to feel safe. It gives us the skills and strategies to Risk on Purpose and have new experiences.

In working towards non-violent communities, perhaps the starting point is in creating safer relationships without fear from violence, abuse and victimisation. Relationships based on equality and the right to feel safe.



APPENDIX 1

Feeling Safe and Finding Our Own Safe Place

Script for delivering the Safe Place Exercise

Suggested introduction to the Safe Place Exercise

“We are going to explore safety and how it feels to each of us here today. I am going to ask you to relax, make yourselves comfortable and there are a few things I want to say first.

You do not have to participate in this exercise, you have choice and control here. Feel free to sit quietly and think about whatever you wish so the others can participate.

When you are ready I will ask you to go in your mind:

• To go to your own safe place (as a child or an adult which ever you prefer) • Or you could think of a place you would like to have as a safe place • Maybe there is a safe place you could think of for someone you care about • Or you can use this time to just think about anything you wish.

This is your safe place, nothing can hurt you and nobody can harm you, you have control. It is totally safe, and you are encouraged by those who are about you to go to this place and experience the feelings of safety.”

A Suggested Commentary for the Safe Place Exercise

“When you are ready, in your mind, go to the place you have decided is the one for you. It feels just right for you. Have a little look around this place. Smell the smells in this place (Pause 5-10 seconds) See the sights in this place (Pause) Hear the sounds there (Pause) Taste the tastes there (Pause) Feel the feelings (Pause) When you are ready, come back into this room just with your ears… Listen to the sounds here (Pause)

Now go back to the safe place you have chosen, smell the smells again (Pause), Taste the tastes (Pause), See the sights (Pause), Feel the feelings (Pause), Hear the sounds (Pause),

When you are ready, come back to the room with your ears first… hear the sounds here… wriggle your toes… feel your feet on the ground

When you are ready open your eyes and turn to the person on either side of you and, if you would like to, give them a big grin!”



APPENDIX 2

10 Tips for Personal Safety Using the Protective Behaviours Process: (by Di Margetts)

1. We all have the right to feel safe all the time

2. When we do not feel safe we also have the right to do what we need to do until we feel safe again

3. When things are safe for us we have a choice, feel comfortable and are in control

4. When things are not safe for us, our body automatically tells us; for example our heart beats faster and our tummy feels funny

5. The quicker we recognise and trust these feelings the more choices we have to either avoid or deal with the problem

6. We can use our body’s feelings to help us choose which option is the safest, whatever the problem

7. Once we are out of the immediate danger we can find someone to tell

8. We can talk with someone about anything even if it’s awful or small

9. We can use our feelings to help us decide who is the best person to talk with and who will help us

10. Part of our right to feel safe includes the responsibility to see that others are safe with us. In other words to treat others the way we want to be treated ourselves

Go to: www.protectivebehavioursconsortium.co.uk For more Protective Behaviours Resources and information about further courses.

http://www.protectivebehavioursconsortium.co.uk

Documents

Principles & Strategies - FEELING SAFE FOUNDATION · Principles & Strategies Edition 001: 09/2014 This book has been produced by The Protective Behaviours Consortium. It is for the