Serving the University of Alabama since 1894

OPINIONS: The final ‘Cahiers du Flanagan,’ Page 4

Volume 111, Issue 112

The Crimson White | Box 870170 Tuscaloosa, AL 35487 | Newsroom — 348-6144 Fax — 348-4116 Advertising — 348-7845Classifieds — 348-7355 | Editorial content — cwletters@sa.ua.edu | News content — cwnews@sa.ua.edu

Monday, April 18, 2005

Local Hispanicspresented witharea resourcesBy TRACEY MITCHELLStaff Reporter

The growing Hispanic communityin Tuscaloosa was offered a chanceSaturday to be educated in theresources available to them in the areaof health and other topics at the second-annual Brazos Abiertos (OpenArms) conference at the McAbeeCenter on Loop Road.

Shelton State sponsored the eventalong with the University, the UASpanish Outreach Program, theTuscaloosa Family Resource Center,United Way and the HispanicProviders Network.

“Open Arms” is an expo that gives the Hispanic community inTuscaloosa County the opportunityto learn about service providers andarea agencies.

“This is only our second-annualevent, but I hope it grows,” said KenLeistico, a staff member at theTuscaloosa Family Resource Center.

The expo is also designed to helpbridge the gap between Spanish-speaking people and the communi-ties in which they live, learn and work.

“We want to bring both communi-ties together,” Leistico said.

The Hispanic population in Tusc-aloosa is growing quickly. Accordingto 2000 U.S. Census data, about 1.4percent of Tuscaloosa County isLatino. SGA Senator Adam Rankin,who is Hispanic and has beeninvolved in several Hispanic out-reach programs in the area, saidthere are a number of differentstores and restaurants openingunder Hispanic ownership, and thenumbers are “amazing.”

The expo had many dimensionsand roles, including the one of calland response. Spanish-speaking com-munity members were able to askquestions and get answers on site, andpossibly changes as well, if they were

Pet Pawloosa helps raise money for animal programsBy JENNIFER KITTStaff Reporter

Tuscaloosa residents and their petsenjoyed music, food and great weath-er on the Quad Saturday for PetPawloosa. The event featured petadoptions and contests while raisingmoney for local animal organizations.

Mort Jordan, president of T-TownPaws, was pleased with the turnoutfor the event.

“Our goals for the Pet Pawloosa areto educate the public about spaying,neutering and pet adoptions,” Jordansaid.

The event was also a fundraiser forMaddie’s Fund, an organization thathelps communities lower deaths ofanimals in shelters by giving fundingfor spaying and neutering and creatinga ‘no-kill community,’ which does notput healthy animals to sleep because

of lack of space. The organization alsohelps animal rescue programs.

“Our community was the seventhorganization added to the programduring its five-year existence,” Jordansaid. “We’ve been given $2 million tomake this a no-kill community overthe next five years.”

In addition to receiving helpfulinformation, participants in PetPawloosa could also adopt pets. JudyHill, director of Metro Animal Shelter,said the University was the ideal loca-tion for the event.

“The Quad is a perfect place,” Hillsaid. “There’s no football, so we havea lot of space to do this on the Quad,and it’s a pretty day for this event.”

Hill said in order to adopt an ani-mal, a form must be filled out and adeposit must be paid.

WVUA lookingfor mic, tripodEquipment valued at$1,850 stolen duringspring breakBy SARAH KATE SULLIVANStaff Reporter

While many students baked in thesun on sandy beaches March 28, theMonday morning of spring break, themood at the WVUA 7 TV station wasnot so sunny.

That was the morning the station,located in the bottom floor of ReesePhifer Hall, reported missing equip-ment valued at $1,850.

WVUA general manager JohnnyPrice said all efforts to find the miss-ing $1,400 wireless microphone and$450 tripod have been exhausted andthat the UA Police Department istreating the case as theft.

UAPD Capt. Lee Harris said theincident is still under investigation,and no suspects have been identified.Harris said he does not know whethera student, faculty member or some-one unaffiliated with the University

is responsible for the theft. WVUA news director Lynn Brooks

said the equipment could have beenstolen by anyone, since there is wide-spread access to Reese Phifer. She saidit also could have been a formermember of the news team who knowsthe station’s access code.

Price said the equipment wouldeventually be replaced at the station’sexpense if it were not recovered. ButBrooks said the damage costs the sta-tion more than just money; it costs UAstudents valuable learning experience.

“The students trained at WVUA areamong the best and the brightest intelecommunications and film. Theygo above and beyond here to preparethemselves to become the futureleading news anchors,” Brooks said.“It’s just very low for someone tosteal something that is so importantto the students.”

Brooks said the missing tripod hasactually prevented the use of otherequipment that is vital to the morethan 40 students who participate inproduction at the station.

See WVUA, Page 3

The Crimson Café hasbeen a fixture at UA formore than a decadeBy CHRIS OTTSNews Director

Candace Kimble, a senior about tograduate, said there are only a fewthings she’ll really miss about theUniversity: friends, her choir –– andCrimson Café.

Kimble said she’s been coming tothe café the last four years to chill out,whether it’s studying, meeting withher friends from the women’s musicfraternity or even writing poetry.

“I sit by the little waterfall. It givesme inspiration,” she joked.

For more than a decade, patrons ofthe popular café on the Strip have hadmany reasons to spend time therebesides the food and coffee. It’s aplace to meet people, to study, to gos-sip –– or somewhere you can go to justsit and do nothing.

Jordan Schaffer, a freshman major-ing in business, said the café is herplace for talking about anything thatcomes to mind with her friends andplaying board games. Her favorites areCranium and Worst Case Scenario.

“It’s just got that cozy, coffeeshopfeel,” she said.

BBOOTTTTOOMM:: Crimson Café ownerRhett Madden celebratesafter just leasing space forthe café while he was a seniormajoring in business in 1993.The café was originally located at 508 13th Ave. Itnow sits in a more prominentlocation two doors down atthe corner of UniversityBoulevard and 13th Avenue.TTOOPP RRIIGGHHTT:: Madden holds upa handful of freshly roastedcoffee beans. CCEENNTTEERR:: WendyMadden, who co-founded thecafé with her husband, servessome of its f irst customers,her mother and stepfather,Patricia and ErnestoTrabanino. RRIIGGHHTT:: Maddendumps a bucket of high-grade Guatemalan coffeebeans into the roaster to beroasted at about 500degrees. BBEELLOOWW:: Maddenpulls out a small sample ofbeans to check and see howclose to being roasted theyare before releasing them intothe cooling vat. Pulling thebeans out too early would be“like pulling a cake out of theoven before it’s done rising,”he said.

See CAFE, Page 2

Atmosphere

CW/ Kelly LambertLLEEFFTT:: Jacob, a greyhound, won second place in this year's Pet Pawloosa costume contest held by T-Town Paws on the Quad Saturday. RRIIGGHHTT:: Verner Elementary second-graderKatharine Conaway plays with one of the 14 dogs that belong to obedience trainer Kim Romain. Conaway said this is her second time to come to Pet Pawloosa. The event is put on by T-Town Paws and was held Saturday on the Quad. See PETS, Page 3

See HISPANICS, Page 2 Courtesy of Rhett Madden

Courtesy of Rhett Madden

CW/ Elliot Knight

CW/ Elliot KnightCW/ Elliot Knight

A Homegrown

NEWS: This year’s EarthFest brings puppets, Willie King, Page 3

Humble beginnings

Rhett Madden, the café’sfounder, said there was a voidin Tuscaloosa about 12 yearsago, when he was a senior inthe University’s business col-lege. There was no place otherthan the bars where peoplecould hang out for as long asthey wanted; where you couldgo and see someone you knowat almost any time.

After visiting Seattle and see-ing the explosion of Starbucks,Madden also noticed theEuropean coffeehouse trendhad come to the United States.

Intimate coffeehouses havebeen popular places to loungeand pass the time in Europefor decades, Madden said.

“People say, ‘Oh the Euro-peans have a lazy lifestyle; theyjust sit around,’” he said. “Butthere’s something to that. Theyenjoy life. That’s the culture.”

While in school, Maddenalso visited Louisiana StateUniversity and noticed therewas a popular coffeehouse justoff campus where peoplecame together regularly tochat and sit around.

“I had seen it in Seattle, butwhen I saw it at LSU, I thought,‘Hey, this is coming our way; this can happen at the University of Alabama,’”Madden said.

That’s when he and his wifeWendy decided to start thecafé. They sold their cars andraised about $8,000 to start thebusiness in a smaller locationtwo doors down 13th Avenuefrom where the café is now.Madden said they built a barfrom plywood and he blanket-ed the business college areawith fliers and told everyonehe knew about the café.

“We grew slowly,” he saidwith a smile.

Wendy Madden said sheremembers getting to the caféat 5:30 in the morning andworking all day until Rhett gotoff classes and took over.

“There were a lot of verylong hours; it was hard work,”

she said. “I remember our firstday we needed $70 to breakeven, and we made $73. And itseems like it’s grown every daysince then.”

Robert Robicheaux, whowas a UA marketing professorfor 27 years, said he remem-bers Rhett as a student passingout fliers around campus try-ing to get people to the café. Ifhe could attribute the café’ssuccess to one thing, it wouldbe Madden’s “dogged determi-nation” to succeed.

“What often happens in astartup business like that ispeople get frustrated thatthey’re not making a lot ofmoney right away and theygive up,” said Robicheaux,who now heads a departmentwithin UAB’s business school.“Most people are not willingto stick it out.”

It’s all original

One of the Café’s biggestdraws is that almost every partof it is unique and homegrown,from the coffee to the tablesand chairs, which were hand-built by Wendy’s stepfather.

All of the coffee comes froma small town in Guatemala,where Wendy’s family has har-vested coffee for five genera-tions, she said. Coffee growingis a discipline and a fine art toher family, Madden said.

“It’s something I’ve grownup with,” she said. “When Iwas young, my parents wouldsend us out to the fields to pickcoffee and see how hard it is.”

Because they are grown in acertain way at a 5,000-foot alti-tude, the Guatemalan beansare the highest grade used inU.S. coffeehouses and severalgrades above what is used incoffee sold in grocery stores,Rhett Madden said.

Every week, Madden or oneof his employees roasts thebeans using a big, clunkymachine that looks like an antique on display in thecafé’s back room. Roasting the beans is a delicate taskbecause it’s easy to burn them or not roast themenough, Madden said. But if they’re done just right,

it makes for great coffee, hesaid.

“You can definitely taste thedifference between Crimsonand Maxwell House,” Kimblesaid. “This is a lot better.”

Another draw to the café is thespecialty drinks, which are con-coctions the Maddens or one oftheir friends thought of.

Kimble said she likes theMocha Milkshake, one of thecafé’s most popular drinks,and the Extreme Peach juicesmoothie.

Robicheaux said peoplehave to be creative when sell-ing a product with a shortshelf life such as coffee. “Youhave to keep experimentingand changing,” he said.

Wendy Madden said herhusband’s ability to foreseecoffeehouse trends has donewell for the café. For exam-ple, Rhett started using syrupto make special coffee drinksbefore Starbucks did.

“That was a big debate backthen. The Starbucks peoplethought syrup would devaluetheir coffee or make it tastebad,” she said. “But we starteddoing it because if that’s whatthe customers want, you haveto give it to them.”

A thoughtful atmosphere

But Madden said the mostimportant part of the café’sgrowth wasn’t what he wasselling, but how he sold it.

“Customer relations are asimportant, sometimes moreimportant, than the product,”he said. When the café started,“It was just me and Wendyworking the register, and aftera while you get to know peo-ple’s names and what they like,and they start coming moreoften,” he said.

Madden said he’s workedhard to maintain that “friendly

atmosphere” as the caféexpanded two doors down toits current location on the corner of University Boulevardand 13th Avenue.

Robicheaux, the marketingprofessor, said he rememberstalking with Madden aboutwhether the Starbucks trendwould last.

“But I think their café ismore like the coffeehouse in‘Friends’ than like Starbucks,”he said.

“Every time I come, I run intosomebody,” said Erin Rawson, afreshman majoring in healthstudies.

The café also has a lot ofnon-student customers whostart their days there, Maddensaid.

Kenneth Tobola, 78, aretired information technolo-gy specialist who lives inTuscaloosa, said he and agroup of four or five otherfriends have an informal clubthat meets almost everymorning at the café. They talkabout everything from poli-tics to moral issues to “theessence of happiness.”

“It’s the ambience,” Tobolasaid. “It encourages thoughtand the exchange of ideas.”

Still, some of the café’s cus-tomers don’t come with suchlofty expectations for conver-sation and mingling.

Keith Baker, a seniormajoring in consumer affairsand a member of the UAtrack and field team, came tothe café one day to stuffdown a sandwich betweenclasses. He said the café was alikely choice because it takesDining Dollars, a UA programthat works like a debit cardwith student IDs.

“I probably wouldn’t comehere if it wasn’t for that,” Bakersaid. “I’m really not the coffee-shop type.”

CAMPUSToday last chance to form College Bowl team

Every year, nearly 300 schools all across the country com-pete in the College Bowl program. This long-running aca-demic competition pits the brightest students against eachother in a fast-paced game of wits. The campus tourna-ment, open to all students, will be held Tuesday throughThursday.

A College Bowl team is composed of four members andone alternate. Only one member can be a graduate student.The deadline to register is today at 1 p.m. The fee is $30 per team and includes a travel mug for each team member. Registration forms are available online atwww.ferguson.ua.edu, or students can pick up the forms in230 Ferguson Center.

The Crimson White is the community newspaper of The University of Alabama.The Crimson White is an editorially free newspaper produced by students.

The University of Alabama cannot influence editorial decisions, and editorialopinions are those of the editorial board and do not represent the official opin-ions of the University.

Advertising offices of The Crimson White are on the first floor, StudentPublications Building, 923 University Blvd. The advertising mailing address is P.O.Box 2389, Tuscaloosa, AL 35403-2389.

The Crimson White (USPS 138020) is published weekly June, July and August,and is published four times a week September through April except for springbreak, Thanksgiving, Labor Day and the months of May and December.

The subscription rate for The Crimson White is $125 per year. Checks should bemade payable to The University of Alabama and sent to: The Crimson WhiteSubscription Department, P.O. Box 2389, Tuscaloosa, AL 35403-2389.

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All material contained herein, except advertising or where indicated otherwise,is Copyright © 2005 by The Crimson White and protected under the “Work Madefor Hire” and “Periodical Publication” categories of the U.S. copyright laws.

Material herein may not be reprinted without the expressed, written permissionof The Crimson White.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

INBriefWorld

the

NEWS Monday, April 18, 2005Page 2 • The Crimson White

“We can get out and save the world, but if we can’t save

our own backyard, then we are going downhill.”

— Leigh Pate, Brazos Abiertos (Open Arms) conference interpreter

See: “Local Hispanics presented with area resources,” Page 1

Honors class to host forum on Americans’ role in the world todayThe honors class Americans’ Role in the World will host

an open deliberative forum on the same topic. Studentsand the public are invited to participate in the event,which will be held in 109 Carmichael Hall tonight from 7 to 9.

CW hiring for 2005-06 school yearThe Crimson White will interview for several positions on

next year’s staff this week. Visit the bulletin board outsidethe CW newsroom on the second floor of the Student Mediabuilding to obtain an application and sign up for an inter-view time.

Interviews for staff photographers are today and Tuesday.For more information, contact next year’s photo editor,Elliot Knight, at knigh035@bama.ua.edu.

Interviews for copy editors are Wednesday, Thursday andFriday. For more information, e-mail chief copy editorLindsay Maples at linz154@aol.com.

Interviews for recruiting and training editor, graphics editor and staff cartoonist will be Wednesday. For more information, e-mail next year’s editor, Chris Otts, atotts005@bama.ua.edu.

Forensics Council to hold auditions FridayThe Individual Events Team portion of the Alabama

Forensic Council will be holding open auditions for new members Friday from 4 to 7 p.m. in 226 Reese PhiferHall. The team recently finished sixth in the nation at the American Forensic Association’s National IndividualEvents Tournament and is seeking team members for next year. Sign up in 210-A Reese Phifer for an interviewtime.

Applicants must be prepared to present a speech orpresentation they have done in the past or read a piece literature. Each audition must be no longer than five minutes.

Golden Key honor society to meet todayGolden Key International Honour Society will meet

today at noon in 204-A Ferguson Center and at 6 p.m. in252 Hardaway Hall. Members can attend either meeting.Free pizza and a book scholarship will be given away atthe evening meeting. For more information, contactCourtney Graham at graha023@bama.ua.edu.

New Rock 90.7 seeking directors for 2005-06WVUA New Rock 90.7 FM is now accepting director

applications for the 2005-06 school year. Applications areavailable for the following positions: program director,business manager, music director, production director,promotions director and Webmaster. The deadline forapplications is Friday afternoon at 5. They should beturned in to 2005-06 Station Manager Graham Flanagan’sbox in the New Rock studio, 288 Reese Phifer Hall. Formore information, e-mail wvuapd@sa.ua.edu.

CAFEContinued from Page 1

having any problems.“This event gives us an

opportunity to see what weneed to change in our com-munities,” Leistico said.

Phillip Johnson, the adulteducation site coordinator forShelton State, said SheltonState hosted the event oncampus last year but decidedto make a change of plans tobetter serve others. “Wechose this location because itis more convenient, beingthat it’s close to Alberta Citywhere most of the Spanishpopulation is,” he said.

While a disc jockey playedmusic and food was served,attendants visited booths thataddressed topics includingreligion, sex awareness, healthawareness, education andwork-related issues. The sta-tions provided pamphlets,handouts and brochures giv-ing information on the servic-es they provided.

Some booths offered treatsfor the kids, such as candy,toothbrushes, police badgestickers and stuffed animals.Meanwhile, adults browsedbooths advertising educa-tional opportunities, such asprograms to learn theEnglish language.

One Hispanic woman whoattended the event with herchildren said she was interest-ed in attending because shewanted to see what benefitsthere were in learning moreabout the resources offered toher. Other Hispanics attendingvisited booths to see what

schools had to offer them intraining for the GED and get-ting an education at certaincolleges.

Rankin worked as an inter-preter at the event and saidthere was a great turnout. “Thefamilies that I talked to werereally appreciative thatTuscaloosa puts on this eventfor them,” Rankin said.

Many Hispanics attendingthe event spoke brokenEnglish or barely spokeEnglish at all. Rankin, whotutors Spanish-speaking stu-dents at Tuscaloosa HighSchool, said the studentsquickly pick up the Englishlanguage as time progresses.

“Language is a big barrier.People would love to get toknow their Hispanic neigh-bors, but they are unsure ofhow to do so,” Rankin said.

Leigh Pate, one of the inter-preters at the event, saidTuscaloosa County residentsneed not speak Spanish to helpthe Hispanic community.“People think that if they don’tknow Spanish then they can’thelp,” she said. “But that’s nottrue; they can still have a desireto help, and they should try tohelp any way that they can.”

Pate said the older Spanish-speaking immigrants usuallydo not speak any English, buttheir children learn it; thenafter that it begins to be amixture that is hard for any-one to understand. She saidthe children should be taughtmore English.

“We can get out and savethe world, but if we can’t saveour own backyard, then we aregoing downhill,” she said.

HISPANICSContinued from Page 1

Findout

what’s happening insports today,

Page 8

NEWS The Crimson White • Page 3Monday, April 18, 2005

She said the station hadrecently purchased two new,lightweight miniature camerasthat produce high-quality filmwith the point-and-shoot easethat is important for students’training. The cameras facilitatethe transition from in-classwork to utilizing the station’scameras, she said.

To accommodate the new

cameras, the station also purchased two new tripods,but students have only beenable to use one of the newcameras because the missingtripod was gone before it was even removed from its packaging.

“One day it was here and thenext it wasn’t,” Brooks said. “Itjust makes me ill it was takenwhile still in the box, becausestudents can’t do proper workwithout proper tools.”

Harris said nearly 75 percent

of all reported crimes on theUA campus are theft. TheUAPD performs “curtain pro-cedures” to locate the item,such as interviewing peopleassociated with the victim orscene about the last time theitem was seen. They also checkto see if the item has been soldto a pawnshop. Other itemsare stolen for personal use, hesaid.

Price said WVUA continuesto remain hopeful the equip-ment will be returned.

“Today the pets are $75because they’ve already beenspayed or neutered, but anadult animal would usuallycost $50,” Hill said.

While the Metro AnimalShelter does not directlyreceive money from Maddie’sFund, it does benefit from theprogram.

“Maddie’s Fund helps usbecause other organizationshave to take some of our ani-mals from the shelter for adop-tions,” Hill said. “This lowersour numbers and helps usdecrease the number of ani-mals we have to put to sleep.”

Dogs and cats are not theonly animals that can beadopted. Alabama Ears is anorganization that rescuesabandoned rabbits and placesthem in loving homes.

“People will get rabbits forEaster and then realize theydon’t want them and releasethem in the wild,” AlabamaEars member Tony Majka said.“Most people don’t realize thatthese rabbits have beendomesticated and can’t survivein the wild.”

Majka’s wife, Amber, is also amember of Alabama Ears. Shesaid there is an adoptionprocess for the rabbits just likewith dogs and cats.

“After the adoption applica-tion is filled out, then we go to

the home and do a homescreening,” Amber Majka said.“If the family passes the homescreening, then we collect a$50 deposit which covers carefor the animal and spaying orneutering.”

The Pet Pawloosa had manyfamily activities, including facepainting for children and a livecover band for the adults.Many local vendors were onhand to sell anything frommonogrammed leashes to jew-elry for pet owners.

Other fun aspects of the partof the day were the various petcontests. The contests includ-ed cutest cat photo contest,best trick, best costume, bestcanine vocalist and pet/ownerlook-alike contest.

PETSContinued from Page 1

WVUAContinued from Page 1

Environmental event offers veggie burgers, puppet showBy GRAHAM FLANAGANStaff Photographer

Though the recent demolition of RiversideAmphitheatre, the venue that hosted the ann-ual EarthFest celebration for many years, servedas a saddening reminder of the way things usedto be, the Alabama Environmental Council suc-ceeded in making this year’s event a success.

Bands began playing at noon and didn’t stopuntil the sun went down. Highlights includedblues legend Willie King and company, as well asThe Alabama Blues Project Blues Band, an

ensemble comprised of a group of middle andhigh school-aged musicians.

Attendees also enjoyed complimentary veggie burgers and hot dogs courtesy of GrantHiatt, a recent UA graduate.

Another attraction was a table allowing chil-dren (and college students) the opportunity tocreate objects out of clay. Numerous ashtrayswere made, along with various animals andeven a canoe –– which was eventually trans-formed into an ashtray.

Perhaps the most unusual attraction was apuppet-show version of Dr. Seuss’ “The Lorax,”a story condemning the negative effects ofindustry on the environment. Though childrenwatched with delight, it remains debatable asto whether or not they got the message.

EarthFestTakin’ it easy at

CW/ Elliot Knight

CW/ Graham Flanagan

CW/ Graham Flanagan

CW/ Graham Flanagan

CW/ Graham Flanagan

TTOOPP RRIIGGHHTT:: UA alumnus Grant Hiatt cooksveggie burgers and peppers at EarthFest onthe Quad on Sunday. TTOOPP LLEEFFTT:: 22-month-oldMarko Beasley sits in a kayak by the OutdoorRec tent. AABBOOVVEE LLEEFFTT:: Ten-year-old drummerJavaughn Maddox jams with his fellow members of the Alabama Blues Project BluesBand. The band is composed of young musicians placed into different levels according to their abilities. According to hisfather, Javaughn moved immediately from thebeginners’ group to the advanced group.AABBOOVVEE RRIIGGHHTT:: Blues legend Willie King rocksout. LLEEFFTT:: Members of the AlabamaEnvironmental Council perform a puppet show adaptation of Dr. Seuss’ “The Lorax.”The story deals with the ways in which industry and big business threaten the environment.

OpinionsPage 4

Editorial BoardLauren Davidson EditorHeather Henderson Managing Editor

Chris Otts News DirectorKristie Busam Opinions Editor

The Crimson White welcomes your view on issues you see on this page, the rest of the paper and in the community. TheCW reserves the right to edit editorial submissions for punctuation, style and length. Libelous and inappropriate mate-rial may be edited for content. Each submission, including e-mail, must include the author’s name, address and phonenumber. Students should include classification and college of enrollment. Hand-delivered letters must be accompaniedby a photo ID. The word limit for letters is 300 words, 700 for columns. For more information, call (205) 348-6144.

Lauren DavidsonEditor348-8049

Heather HendersonManaging Editor348-6146

Chris OttsNews Director348-6146

Tiffany SchwarzArt Director348-9240

Buddy HughesSports Editor348-8057

Kristie BusamOpinions Editor348-6146

Jessica MaxwellPhoto Director348-9240

Ben FlanaganEntertainment Editor348-6146

18April

2005

CW newsroom contacts

Womenhave aplace on Page 4

Our View

Our View is the consensus of The CW editorial board.

Finest ‘head’ dedicated to GFEditor’s Note: This is the final edi-tion of the Cahiers du Flanagan.Readers offended by sexual content should exercise caution before reading this column.

A UA grounds crew workeddiligently on Friday morning toerect a fence of black cloth thatwould surround the perimeter ofReese Phifer Hall. The reason forthe erection was a ceremony tak-ing place later that evening dur-ing which a certain first-floor bathroomwould be dedicated to Crimson Whitecolumnist Graham Flanagan. LastMonday, Flanagan immortalized the lega-cy of the lavatory across from AlabamaPublic Radio by using it as the centralsubject of his column.

Emceed by Crimson White legendCharlie Gasner — who sported a person-alized Dallas Mavericks jersey designedby Sean “P. Diddy” Combs — the ceremo-ny was called to order by outgoing SGAExecutive Secretary Laura Beth Mitchell,who sensuously hammered her trade-mark gavel on the side of the stall. About45 individuals crowded into the restroom,yet no one seemed to feel uncomfortable.Perhaps that had something to do withthe sweet strains of G.F. Handel’s “WaterMusic” that flowed from the speakers inthe ceiling.

Gasner announced that Flanagan wasrunning a little late — apparently he hadbeen proofreading the essays of a numberof Kappa Kappa Gammas at their sororityhouse. Nevertheless, Flanagan soonarrived with Ethiopian model and actressOlek Nabu and her thirteen-year-old sonDontarius Leatherwiggins, arguably con-firming recent speculation that Flanaganhad legally adopted his journalistic suc-cessor.

After verbally chastising Flanagan for

his lateness, Gasner fell silentwhen Flanagan — who turns 27on Tuesday — shed his seersuck-er blazer to reveal an authentic“Hulk Rules” tank top. Gasnerthen regained his composureand pointed out some notableattendees, including UA alum-nus Brian Hoven, decked out infull medieval knight regalia.Hoven, who was also immortal-ized by a Flanagan-penned col-umn (“Senior Brian Hoven is myall-time hero,” Nov. 4, 2002),

stated he was “highly optimistic” aboutthe upcoming movie “Star Wars EpisodeIII: Revenge of the Sith.”

Texas A&M head football coach DennisFranchione was also there. “The offer stillstands,” he said, referring to his school’s2002 attempt to hire Flanagan as the filmcritic of the Texas A&M Battalion. “Perhapsyou should discuss it with the girls.” CoachFran then presented his two daughters,who left with Flanagan for approximately25 minutes before returning.

The proceedings were also interruptedby Assistant Dean of Students Todd Borst,who tried to get in but was denied admit-tance because of a policy stating that noone under 14 years old could attend with-out being accompanied by a parent orguardian. Borst, who failed to producesufficient identification, batted 1-for-4 inhis Little League game later that night.

The facility would be officially dedicat-ed to Flanagan after a “ceremonial flush.”After pushing down the shiny lever, thewalls of the restroom began to shake andeveryone was startled when an amberlight began to emanate from the stall.Subsequently, Urinia — the goddess ofthe Golden Flume — rose out of the bowland gave Flanagan her blessing, furtherstating the new dorms at the north end ofcampus would be adorned by a 50-footlemon tree.

Flanagan simply shrugged, smiled andreplied, “Whoopsy daisy!”

Just as Gasner prepared to presentFlanagan with an honorary certificate, theroom went silent when a highly attractiveblond entered the room. Flanagan imme-diately recognized the young lady — whowore a pastel-colored circle-skirt thatwould make Megan Nichols proud — asthe “girl from Georgia,” the subject of hismost controversial and influential col-umn, which ran in October 2002.

Deacon Greene guitarist Adam Watkinsthen quipped, “I would.” Young DontariusLeatherwiggins replied, “I have.”

The girl from Georgia approachedFlanagan, whose eyes welled up withtears, and said she had returned to givehim (whom she had located viaThefacebook) what she “knew he rightful-ly deserved.”

Suddenly, two Secret Service agentsburst through the door and made way forSupreme Court Justice Ruth BaderGinsburg, about whom attendee MarvinMallet said, “I definitely would … andhave!”

Flanagan had to make a choice. Afterlooking over both willing females, heturned to the girl from Georgia and said,“I’m sorry. It’s who I am.” The agents thenescorted her out of the bathroom andlocked the doors so no one would be ableto leave.

“You’re all about to see how a true play-er gets down,” Flanagan yelled.

He then took Ginsburg by the hand,tongue-kissed her real dirty and shovedher into the bathroom stall. Though thecrowd stood by and listened attentivelyfor the next five or six minutes, the onlydiscernable quote came from Ginsburg,who yelled at the top of her lungs, “TheWarrior lives!”

Graham Flanagan is a staff photographerfor The Crimson White.

If you’ve picked up a Crimson White recently, youmight have seen the abundance of letters written bywomen on the editorial page calling us out on ourmisogynistic columns on the opinions page. Wehave just one response to this: We love it.

Though women make up 53.1 percent of the pop-ulation at our University, we rarely see an influx inthe CW letters inbox representative of this number,this week being an anomaly. In fact, what we seemostly are, well, columns and letters written bymen. And while many of these columns are well-written, insightful pieces, it makes us wonder, wherehave all the women gone?

Sure, we get the occasional female backlash after acolumn by Graham Flanagan runs, and we welcomethese opinions (let’s face it, we don’t always agreewith Flanagan), but we do not want this to be theonly time the women on campus write in. We alsoknow there are many intelligent, creative womenwho have something new to bring to the table,whether it be commentary on campus, state,national or world issues. We need your ideas in thenewspaper.

The purpose of the opinions page is to allow mem-bers of both sexes to have a place to respond to newsand campus issues. The problem is, we can only runwhat students send in. If only men write in, which isnormally the case, Page four ends misrepresentingthe student body and its wide array of opinions.

Today, we present an encouragement to womenon this campus: If you have something to say, let usknow. To men on this campus: encourage the intelli-gent female activists you know to send theirthoughts to our letters account atcwletters@sa.ua.edu.

We can’t promise you’ll like everything we run,because our student body is composed of studentsfrom so many different backgrounds. But we canpromise we will choose a wide variety of commen-tary to read on the page. Additionally, there are someweeks during which an astronomical number ofcolumns come in and we can’t run them all, regard-less of who wrote them. But know that someone hasread your opinion and hears your voice.

Additionally, we would love to see a female colum-nist next year. If you love to write, do it well and havesomething to contribute to this campus, let us know. We would love to have you. If you don’t, whowill?

Women have opinions, too

I was extremely relieved toread Melissa’s response(“Women: Stand againstmisogynistic editorials,” April14.) Recently I’ve stoppedpicking up The Crimson Whitebecause I’ve been so turnedoff by the often sexist anddemeaning editorials towardwomen as well as the frequentone-sided conservative views.

Until now, I had been afraidto write what I thought.Melissa’s article made me real-ize that there are other femaleson this campus with liberalideas and opinions. But I hateto use the word “liberal” herebecause of the negative con-notation associated with it.But being liberal isn’t bad; it’sjust a different view-point.

Right now there is a politicaldivision nationally. We need torealize that it’s OK to be liberalor conservative or whateverelse one wants to be. Just real-ize that your view is not theonly valid one, and it will bethat way whether you’re in a “Red State” or a “Blue State.”

However, my problem withThe Crimson White is that itseems to repeatedly print edi-torials from just a handful ofpeople, and I doubt those halfa dozen people are the onlyones on this campus withopinions. Further, those opin-ions are almost always belong-ing to men. I’m speaking up,and I encourage other femalesto do the same; what you say is as important as

what anyone else says, male or female.

In response to the boys’ fre-quent editorials: You haveevery right to your opinion ifthat truly is your opinion. WhatI want to know is where you’regetting your ideas. The femalesaround you have taken thestep toward higher educationand career advancement, nottoward culinary or domesticgreatness.

My advice to you is that ifyou want someone to cook foryou, buy your buddy a cook-book and point him towardyour kitchen, because as far asI’m concerned, he’s as qualifiedas any woman on this campus.

Melissa LevineSophomore, A&S

Medical pot works inColorado

As a Colorado citizen whovoted for Amendment 20allowing people to usecannabis medicinally in mystate, I agree with the medicalmarijuana bill introduced intothe Alabama Legislature (“BillWould Allow MedicalMarijuana In Alabama,” April8), which protects sick citizensfrom the federal government’sattacks.

The federal governmentwants citizens to thinkcannabis is a chemical weaponof mass destruction; in reality,people from Colorado use theplant cannabis medicinallywhile following state law, and itworks: Cannabis use has notincreased, and the sky hasn’tfallen.

At the election booth, thisissue is batting a thousand; ithas passed every time.

Further, it is Biblically

correct to relegalize cannabis(kaneh bosm, before the KingJames Version).

It is no accident that theBible indicates God created allthe seed-bearing plants andsaid they were all good, on lit-erally the very first page in Genesis 1:11-12 and 29-30.

The only Biblical restrictionplaced on cannabis is that weuse it with thanksgiving (see 1Timothy 4:1-5). The table ofthe Lord is not defiled (seeMalachi 1:6-14, subtitled “Sinof the Priests,” New AmericanStandard Bible).

Many obedient Christianswould also like clergy to speakup on this issue since JesusChrist risked going to jail inorder to heal the sick.

Stan WhiteDillon, Colo.

Graham Flanagan rocks

All right, I’ll admit it. I’m a

closet Graham Flanagan fan.When I open up The CW andsee a new column by Mr.Flanagan, I crack a smile anddig in.

For example, take Graham’sarticle this week on the pleas-ures of the NPR-filled ReesePhifer WC.

His recount of the econom-ic discussions possible in suchclose confines indicate a tal-ent far beyond his tenderyears.

Each column is an immensejoke, but that’s what heintends. As the Capstone’smodern Jonathan Swift, GFsatirizes our own laughable prejudices and misbehavior.

I’m waiting for the“Anthologized Flanagan,” my-self. Maybe if I’m lucky, I canget one of the limited, serial-ized first editions.

Jesse O’Reillygraduate student, A&S

CW/ Liz Cook

Graham FlanaganCAHIERS DU FLANAGAN

Letters to the Editor Just realize that your view is not the onlyvalid one, and it will be that way whetheryou’re in a “Red State” or a “Blue State.”

It’s that time ofthe year again: Theweather is warmingup, pollen is makingthe lives of allergysufferers a living helland the threat of atornado touchingdown is an everydaypossibility.

You know whatthat means — springis here.

Like it does everyyear, spring is bringing itsgood friend baseball along forthe ride.

For my job, I get to watch aplethora of sports, but base-ball has always been myfavorite.

I don’t have a good reasonfor why it is my favorite sport.

Maybe it is because I playedbaseball from age 4 ’til I was15, or because the first profes-sional sporting event I everwent to was an Atlanta Bravesgame.

I don’t know why, but a lovefor baseball has been embla-zoned in my blood.

Unfortunately for me, thegame I love is surrounded bycontroversy. The MLB makesmore news off the field thanon it.

Let’s break down two of themost controversial events tohappen so far this season.

Sheffield shoves fan

In case the rock you liveunder doesn’t have a TV,Yankees right fielder GarySheffield made headlineswhen he shoved a fan atFenway Park in Boston.

The fan appeared to beswiping at the ball but insteadmade contact with Sheffield.

Sheffield picked up the live

ball, shoved the fan,and then threw theball back to the infield.

The Yankee rightfielder went back tothe fan with his fistclenched but restrain-ed himself.

I’m not buying thatthe fan was going forthe ball.

If this guy knowsanything about base-ball, he’d know that

the ball was in play and that ifhe touched it, the ball wouldhave been dead, hurting theRed Sox.

Instead of doing the smartthing and keeping his handsoff the field of play, this geniusdecided he’d try to distractSheffield by going for the ball.

In doing so, he hits Sheffieldin the face. It’s usually not agood idea to hit one of the bestplayers in baseball in the face— especially if he plays foryour hated arch-rivals. Theytend to take offense to it.

I can understand whySheffield wanted to go afterthe guy. If someone hit mewhen I wasn’t looking, I’dcome up swinging too.

Sheffield showed amazingrestraint not to go all “RonArtest” on that fan or the othermoron who threw a beer onSheffield.

He doesn’t deserve to getsuspended for his actions, butI’m afraid good ol’ MLBCommissioner Bud Selig willsuspend Sheffield just to makean example out of him.

My only problem withSheffield’s action is that heshoved the guy before throw-ing the ball in.

Get the ball in first, then goback to beat up the fans. Whoknows, maybe it was that

shove that allowed Red Soxcatcher Jason Varitek a chanceto stretch his double into atriple.

If Sheffield should be pun-ished for anything, it’s that.

Bonds blames the media

Apparently, I owe BarryBonds an apology.

As a member of the media, I(and thousands of my sports-writing brethren) am solelyresponsible for the steroidcontroversy surroundingBonds.

Bama gets big conference winbefore SECChampionshipsthis weekendBY JESSIE PATTERSONSports Reporter

Alabama dominated thedoubles matches and went 4-2 in singles to close out theregular season with a win overarchrival Auburn in women’stennis action on Saturdayafternoon.

With the win, Alabamaimproved to 8-13 overall and3-8 in the SoutheasternConference.

“I felt like we came outtoday much like we came outagainst Arkansas,” headcoach Jenny Mainz said. “Wecame out really ready andconfident.

“We capitalized on the bigpoints today in singles and

doubles. A lot of times that isthe difference.”

The doubles point has beencrucial for the Tide this season.

They have not won a matchthis season when they havelost the doubles point.

“Getting the momentumfrom the doubles point hasalways helped us and put usin a good position,” Mainzsaid. “It was a good win,[especially] at home. An SECwin is always big.

“I’m proud of the team. Weneeded the win today, and wewere able to step up and get itdone.”

All three doubles teams,including the duo of juniorsRobin Stephenson andNatalie McElveen, claimedwins.

“Jenny told us from thestart that we should come outwith more energy than everbecause it was so crucial,”McElveen said. “Robin and Iknew we had to take controlfrom the get-go. It was all

about the energy.”A near-capacity crowd

turned out to see the Tidetake on the Tigers.

“Any Alabama-Auburnmatch in any sport is a bigrivalry, and we tried to get upfor it,” Stephenson said. “Wehad the pep band out hereand over 250 fans. That pro-vided a lot of energy andenthusiasm for sure.

“Our fans are so supportivethey can help us throughtough times just like ourteammates can.”

Junior Ashley Bentley suf-fered her first outdoor lossthis spring and only her sec-ond loss at home when shedropped the first set 3-6before a nagging back injuryforced her to retire.

“She’s struggling,” Mainzsaid. “She’s been playingthrough a back injury that isreally challenging right now.We had to make a judgmentin the best interest of her person.

“We just have to wait it outand try to get her ready forSECs.”

At the No. 1 spot,Stephenson claimed the firstsingles win of the day for theTide, defeating Jelena Jovic 6-1, 6-4.

“I felt like I just had to real-ly work on staying focused thewhole way through,”Stephenson said. “As the sea-son has progressed I’ve beengaining more confidence, andit’s a good time for me to feelthat way. I just executed thegame plan I knew I had to.”

Junior Melissa Minordefeated the Tiger’s AshleyCowart 6-2, 6-3, thenMcElveen clinched the winfor the Tide as she droppedSarah Suitor 6-5, 6-1.

It was the third time shehas clinched a match for

Alabama this season.“After the first set of my

match, I kind of decided [thematch],” McElveen said. “Thesecond set was a lot better,and I had a lot more momen-tum.

“It was a good feeling tolook over and see [Robin andMelissa] on match point.”

Sophomore Mari Mullerhad the final win of the dayfor the Tide. FreshmanAndrea Brenes dropped hermatch 6-3, 4-6, 5-10 at thesixth spot.

Mainz thought her team’sperformance has put them ina good place going into theSEC tournament and also in agood position to qualify forthe NCAA Regionals.

“We don’t know that we’rein [Regionals] or not,” Mainz

Wednesday:

• A profile of the University’s ultimate Frisbee team.

• An update on the men’s and women’s track and fieldteams.Sports

Monday, April 18, 2005 Page 5

CW/ Kelly LambertAlabama head coach Jenny Mainz talks with two of her players during a match earlier this season against LSU. The key to winning so far this season for the Crimson Tide has been its doubles play. Alabama is undefeated when winning the doubles point.

WOMEN’S TENNIS: ALABAMA 5, AUBURN 2

Tide tops Tigers

I’m glad MLB is back

Buddy HughesREALITY’S TOUR GUIDE

I can understandwhy Sheffield wanted to go afterthe guy. If someonehit me when I was-n’t looking, I’d comeup swinging, too.

See BASEBALL, Page 6

Alabama’s Ashley Bentleyand the rest of the

Crimson Tide were vic-torious Saturday overrival Auburn at the UA

Tennis Complex. Bentleywas forced to retire

during her singlesmatch because of anagging back injury.Alabama head coach

Jenny Mainz hopes tohave Bentley available

when the Tide host theSEC Women’s Tennis

Championships Thursdaythrough Sunday at the

UA Tennis Complex.

CW/ Kelly Lambert

See TENNIS, Page 6

SPORTS Monday, April 18, 2005Page 6 • The Crimson White

Of course, Bonds called apress conference to drop thisrevelation on the world.

I guess the fact that Bondstold a grand jury investigatingthe BALCO case that heunknowingly took steroidshas absolutely nothing to dowith that.

Bonds’ attempt at sympa-thy was one of the saddestsports displays I’ve ever seen.

He limped out on hiscrutches as if he were a three-legged dog.

Then he tells the camera-men to make sure to get hisson in the shot, and proceedsto tell us his sob story.

I’ve never wanted to clapsarcastically more in myentire life than at the end ofhis Shakespearean-esqe solil-oquy.

Bonds talks about themedia like we all gather at asecret location every year anddecide to which public figures

we are going to give hell . If it does work that way, my

invitation must have gottenlost in the mail.

One more thing, Barry: I’malso not buying the unknow-ingly taking steroids claim.

And if we do ever have oursecret media meetings, you’regetting my vote.

Buddy Hughes is the sportseditor of The Crimson White.

said. “We have significantwins over Harvard, WesternMichigan and Rice.

“We have some wins thatwe feel like will help get usinto post-season play.”

Before looking ahead to the

NCAA Regionals, Mainz andher team will prepare to hostthe SEC Championships.

They will begin tournamentplay at 2 p.m. on Thursday.

“We’re so excited to hostSEC Championships,” Mainzsaid. “What an opportunitywe have to be at home and toreally showcase the premierewomen’s tennis conference.”

BASEBALL: ALABAMA 9, FLORIDA 6

APAlabama’s Cale Iorg is safe at second base ahead of the tag by Florida’s Justin Tordi during the eighth inning of Saturday’s game in Gainesville, Fla. Florida knocked off the Tide 7-4. Alabama came back to win game three of the series.

Bama salvages seriesTide bounces backto win third gameafter dropping thefirst two games inthe seriesThe Associated Press

GAINESVILLE, Fla. — EmeelSalem had four hits and drovein the go-ahead run with adrag bunt as part of a six-run,ninth-inning rally to leadAlabama to a 9-6 win overFlorida on Sunday afternoon.

Down 6-3 in its final at-bat,Alabama (26-12, 9-6 SEC) got atwo-RBI double from pinchhitter Spencer Pennington andgame-tying single by Cale Iorgbefore Salem’s bunt up the firstbase line plated Jordan Davis.

Gabe Scott’s ground ruledouble scored a run, and EvanBush singled home anotherrun to give Alabama the 9-6advantage.

David Robertson (6-2) heldFlorida (27-9, 10-5 SEC) to onerun and three hits in sixinnings in relief of Alabamastarter Brandon Belcher.Robertson struck out sevenGators and walked one.

Losing pitcher DarrenO’Day (5-3) gave up four hitsand five runs in one-third ofan inning.

Brandon McArthur had twohits and three RBIs for Florida,including a two-RBI single inthe third that gave the Gators a5-3 lead. Gavin Dickey, whoalso plays quarterback for theGators football team, had atwo-run home run in the firstinning, his second.

Salem went 4-for-5 with tworuns scored and one RBI. KodyValverde hit his fourth homerof the season for Alabama.

Florida won the first twogames of the series.

BASEBALLContinued from Page 5

TENNISContinued from Page 5

Check out TheCrimson White

on the Web at

www.cw.ua.edu.

Alabama pitcherBrent Carter

(center) replacesWade LeBlanc,

right, in the bottomof the f ifth inning

against Florida,Saturday, April 16,in Gainesville, Fla.

Florida won 7-4. LeBlanc was

making his secondstart since

returning from ashoulder injury.

AP

Are you interested in writing sports for The CrimsonWhite this summer or fall? Then contact sports editorBuddy Hughes at 348-8057 for more information.

bit “scary.” The openingsequence is a doozy in itself, as ayoung man who has taken anosedive off the deep end usesa rifle in the middle of the nightto murder his family, littlebrothers and sisters included, infear that all of them are pos-sessed by demons.

Flamboyantly inter-cutbetween each shooting is aframe of a gruesome crimescene photo (sprinkled with anice flashbulb sound effect) thatgives the opening a kinetic,haunting feel that ought to beconsistent throughout. Sadly,for the first 30 minutes or so,this feel is consistent only to bewashed away by silly, supernat-ural happenings that seem toruin every scary movie a screen-writer lays his dirty fingers on.

When the Lutz family, headedby stepfather Ryan “Van Wilder”Reynolds, reluctantly movesinto the home where the afore-mentioned murders took placethanks to a killer real estate deal,

strange things frolic the beauti-ful, formerly blood-soakedhousehold.

The little girl has an imagi-nary friend who might not be sodifficult to imagine (when shereveals the bullet hole still openin her forehead). Doors creakand dogs bark, as Reynolds him-self takes his downward spiralinto the mouth of madness.Voices from within the houseplague his thoughts and orderhim to murder his family; alas,the man doesn’t really put upmuch of a fight with his mind,and obliges the creepy voices.

What we have on our handsnow, my friends, is a frail

attempt to do a little remakingto little or no avail; only this filmdoesn’t feel like it’s remaking its1979 predecessor, but more so,Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 master-piece, “The Shining,” in whichJack Nicholson’s mad, wackyJack Torrance hurls an ax at hiswife and son while living in anempty, haunted hotel.

Reynolds is no Nicholson, butthat’s not even the problem withthis heaping pile of horrormovie excrement. What couldhave been an honest, horrifyingbit of violent human realism hasonce again been overtaken bythe screenwriter’s obsessionwith somehow incorporating

the supernatural and overlyintelligent children who seem toknow the whole story.

The turn this movie takestoward the climax is so ridicu-lous and funny for its own goodthat one could not help but toput their thumbs downwardand pinch their nose as we arelet in on the house’s deep, darksecret that explains why it brain-washes men who move in intotaking a shotgun and puttingholes in the rest of his family.

All that haunted me duringthis clunker was laughter; Icouldn’t control myself some-times –– it was that serious. Ieven garnered a few looks fromfellow moviegoers, which Igreeted with a look of my own,saying, “Can’t you see what Isee? Isn’t it funny? The comedyof the year!”

The horror movie is dying aslow, painful death, and I hate tobear witness to it, as it is afavorite genre of mine I hate tosee go.

ENTERTAINMENT The Crimson White • Page 7Monday, April 18, 2005

BOOTLEGContinued from Page 8

scripts, he gives you a lot about his characters.

“Here, he doesn’t giveas many stage directionsas to how the personasactually are. The actorshave had to build thoseconnections.”

Adding to the idea thatthis play is a good friendto the actor, the play’sdirector, Ed Williams,allows the actors to per-form as freely, but effec-tively, as they can,McNerny said.

“I enjoy working withEd because he doesn’tforce you into some-thing,” she said.

“He lets you figure yourway around it. He knowshe has confidence in hisactors. This is definitelyeffective. Ed has said that90 percent of a director’sjob is casting. It’s great toknow that our director

has faith in us.”Azar agreed that

Williams’ technique gavehis actors a broad rangeof freedom, giving fullresponsibility to the performers on whethertheir performance can be a valuable contri-bution.

“He lets you go andsees what happens,” Azarsaid.

“He guides us towardsa specific idea that he has.Largely, he leaves theactors to themselves. It’schallenging, and it puts alot of work in an actor’shands.”

The play begins at 7:30p.m. on Tuesday and willrun at that time everynight through Saturdayand on Sunday at 2 p.m.

Tickets can be pur-chased at the Departmentof Theatre and Dance BoxOffice located in thelobby of Rowand-Johnson Hall, or by call-ing the box office at 348-3400.

THEATREContinued from Page 8

All that hunkered me during this clunkerwas laughter; I couldn’t control myselfsometimes — it was that serious. I evengarnered a few looks from fellow moviegoers, which I greeted with a look ofmy own, saying, “Can’t you see what I see?Isn’t it funny? The comedy of the year!”

All right. That’s it. We’ll gowith the baseball analogynow: Three strikes and you’reout.

First, it was the hideouslybad “Boogeyman.” Next, therewas the repulsive “Cursed,” inwhich even its own title knewits fate.

Now, we have the third —and what should be final —horror hit-and-miss of theyear, and it’s not even May.

“The AmityvilleHorror” follows itsfriends in the big stu-dio stinkpot of horrorfilms that have failedto generate the wrongkind of girly shrieksand covered eyes.

What a shame, too,because this one really had the potential to conjureup the ants in ourpants.

Haunted househorror movies can benothing short of fan-tastically terrifyingfright fests; that is,they used to be ableto.

In the past fewyears, films such as“The Haunting,”“House on HauntedHill” and “ThirteenGhosts” have beenpoor, poor excuses

for creepy, creaky-door partiesthat have you thinking twice about opening the fridge for that midnight snack.

Here, with “Amityville,” wecome near, but oh so far awayfrom being close; it’s a realm ofwhat one could consider a wee

By BEN FLANAGANEntertainment Editor

The UA Department ofTheatre will have its finaleTuesday night to a successfulseason of diverse, precariousproductions that have raisedplenty of eyebrows in theirexploration of new, nontradi-tional material.

This week, they tread morefamiliar territory as they tacklethe Bard himself, WilliamShakespeare, and his appro-priately named play “All’s WellThat Ends Well” in the MarianGallaway Theater.

Though “All’s Well” will besome students’ final produc-tion in their UA careers, theword around the Rowand-Johnson water cooler is thatthe mood hasn’t been as bit-tersweet as one might antici-pate.

Thomas Azar, a seniormajoring in theatre who playsthe male lead, Bertram, saidthe world of theatre doesn’t

allow an actor to stop andreflect for too long on the workthey just completed and

conquered. Azar said that act-ing is fun in the moment, butthat people have to move on

to other projects as fast as theycan to improve their craft.

“I don’t know if the fact thatit’s the last show has anythingto do with it,” Azar said. “Itnever ends, honestly. It isexciting to know that we’llprobably be the last imagepeople have of the depart-ment this year, and that’s cool,but it doesn’t affect me and theway I’m performing.

“If it was first of the season,middle of the season or when-ever, it doesn’t matter. Onceit’s over, I’m moving on to thenext thing.”

Ending the season onShakespeare’s play works well,Azar said, especially as a nicecontrast to the recent AllenBales presentation of “TheTrestle at Pope Lick Creek.”That work has a complex,nonlinear structure that somemight have found difficult tofollow at times.

“It’s a very different play inthe way it is structured,” Azarsaid. “It’s complicated in that

there is a lot that happens to alot of people. The story in itspath from A to B takes a lot ofturns. The contrast would be agood note to go out on.”

“All’s Well” is a romanticcomedy that centers on therelationship between twoyoung people, Bertram (Azar)and Helen (MaeganMcNerney), in which theyoung lady uses a number ofwily, scheming attempts towin the affection of who she

hopes to be her suitor.McNerny, a second-year

graduate student in actingpedagogy, said that this play isa sort of actor’s playground, asShakespeare uses both a lotand a little stage direction.

“It’s a real actor’s show,”McNerny said. “I’ve had ahuge opportunity to explorethis character. It’s been good,challenging. In Shakespeare’s

EntertainmentMonday, April 18, 2005 Page 8

Theatre department closes with Shakespeare

CW/ Luke BuckleyDianne Teague plays Countess in the University’s production of Shakespeare’s “All’s Well ThatEnds Well.” “All's Well” will premiere Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. and run each night until a 2 p.m.Sunday matinee at the Marian Gallaway Theater located in Rowand-Johnson Hall. Tickets cost$12 for general admission and $10 for students and faculty.

Check outThe

CrimsonWhite at

www.cw.ua.edu.

RESULTSbox of f ice

April 15-17, 2005

Nothing but a bootleg ‘Shining’

Ben Flanagan

CATCHING FLICKS

WITH FLANAGANS

See BOOTLEG, Page 7

See THEATRE, Page 7

Title Weekend Gross

1. “The Amityville Horror” $23.3M $23.3M2. “Sahara” $13.1M $36.4M3. “Fever Pitch” $8.8M $23.9M4. “Sin City” $6.69M $61.3M5. “Guess Who” $4.9M $57.6M6. “Beauty Shop” $3.8M $31.3M7. “Robots” $3.55M $116M8. “Miss Congeniality 2:

Armed and Fabulous” $2.87M $41.6M9. “The Pacifier” $2.41M $104M10. “The Upside of Anger” $1.9M $15M