Building Self-Esteem in Children

Parental Workshop27th November 2015

What we want is Western Science coupled with Vedanta, Brahmacharya as the guiding motto, also Shraddha and

faith in one's own Self.

The Teaching Of InnocenceSEVEN PRINCIPLES

1. Everything is possible2. If you want to get something, give it.3. When you make a choice, you change the future.4. Don’t say no, go with the flow.5. Every time you wish or want, you plant a seed.6. Enjoy the journey.7. You are here for a reason.

Learning and Knowledge

• Learning what to Learn V/s Learning How to learn• Knowledge - Theoretical - Information based -

Understanding• Knowledge - Exponential - Experiential - Elevates the

mind to higher level. One never forgets - like eating a Vanilla Ice cream or Alphanso mango or chocolate

• Comparison between the two concepts of knowledge. • We may study about the different classification and

types of Mango Trees, but we would not experience how would it tastes unless we eat it.

4

What is Self-Esteem?

• How a child feels about him/herself

• How s/he feels accepted by others

– Feeling loveable– Feeling capable

The tale of Thomas Mead

The tale of Thomas Mead

The tale of Thomas Mead

Why is it important ?

It is important because……..

1. It helps children to feel good about themselves

2. It builds their self confidence3. It helps them better understand

their own problems4. It will cause them to have better

social skills5. More self respect6. More respect for others 7. Have better control over

emotions

Every child has, at birth,

a greater potentialintelligence than

Leonardo Da Vinci, Isaac Newton,

or Einstein ever used.

10

Glenn DomanAuthor of Teach To Multiply Your Baby’s Intelligence

Vedantic Philosophy at VKE

- Swami Vivekananda

Learning How To Learn? Education is the

manifestation of the perfection already in man. No knowledge comes from

outside

That system which aims at educating our boys in the same manner as that of

the man who battered his ass, being advised that it could thereby be turned

into horse, should be abolished.

Owing to undue domination exercised by the parents, our boys do not get free scope of growth.

- Swami Vivekananda

You cannot teach a child any more than you can grow a plant. The plant develops its own nature. The child also teaches itself. But you can help it to go forward in its own way

- Swami Vivekananda

The 5 Areas of Self Esteem

• Spiritual : How you feel about your religious beliefs or your place in the “BIG Picture”.

• Intellectual : How you feel about your ability to think and solve problems.

• Emotional : How you feel about your feelings and how you express them.

• Social : How you feel about your ability to get along with others.

• Physical : How you feel about your body and health.

Healthy vs Unhealthy Self-Esteem

Healthy• Enjoys interacting with others• Is comfortable in social

settings• Is comfortable doing things

on his/her own• Faces challenges• Doesn’t belittle him/herself• Is optimistic• Is aware of own strengths

and weaknesses

Unhealthy• Is afraid to try new things• Speaks negatively about

him/herself• Has a low frustration tolerance• Gives up easily• Is easily disappointed in

him/herself• Is pessimistic • Views setbacks as permanent

and devastating

A child whose self-esteem is…

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

1. Love Your Children for Who They Are

• Encourage small achievements rather than point out their mistakes or failures

• Enhance the qualities they have; don’t blame them for lacking others

• Reward effort and completion rather than outcomes

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

2. Encourage Your Child’s Talents

• Encourage your child to try in order to build his/her confidence

• Set realistic expectations• Avoid comparisons with others• Recognize his/her improvement

However, don’t expect your child to excel in sports, academics, music, just because you did.

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

3. Give Your Children Importance

• Respect their likes and dislikes • Ask for their opinion• Encourage your child to be part

of decision-making, particularly as it concerns him/her

• Show interest in their activities

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

4. Give Responsibility

• Assign chores that your child can accomplish daily• Completing chores gives a sense of self-worth and

confidence in his/her abilities• Allows child to make an important contribution to

the family

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

5. Set Rules and Consequences• Having rules helps a child feel

secure • Helps a child know what is

expected of him/her• Helping your child set self-limits

builds self-esteem and self-understanding

• Be firm (not harsh) and consistent

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

6. Establish Routines• Children feel more secure when they

have set routines which are predictable

• Routines help children understand what is expected of them and how to reach those expectations

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

7. Monitor Your Child’s Friendships• By 6 years old, peer influence becomes

increasingly important• Help your child recognise peers who

build-up self-worth rather than tear it down

• Help your child develop his/her own value system and recognise peers who share those values

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

8. Allow Children to Express Their Feelings

• Teach/prompt your child to express their feelings through words

• Listen to your child with a closed mouth• Be available to them and validate their

feelings by restating what they’ve said• Be aware that listening/validating their

feelings can be enough of a response

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

9. Be A Positive Mirror• How your child perceives him/herself

largely depends upon how you perceive him/her

• Value them for who they are and not just how they perform

• Tell children what they can do instead of what not to doBe a good role model for self-esteem: avoid putting yourself

down, or beating yourself up if you make a mistake; send a message that it’s okay not to be perfect

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

10. Play with Your Child• Play time gives the message “you

are worth my time” and “you are valuable”

• Child-initiated play increases self-worth (“Mom likes to play the things I do”) and holds his/her attention longer

• Give him/her your undivided attention

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

11. Monitor your parenting style

Don’t fall into the trap of the permissive parent

• Help your child understand that s/he can’t always get his/her way

• Encourage social competence through give & take, together and separate time (especially important for parents of an only child)

• Avoid exclusive child- centred decision-making• Show respect for the authority figures in your child’s

world.

Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

12. Be Spontaneous and Affectionate

• Give hugs and praise frequently• Surprise them for no reason in particular• Be playful and genuine

Competency

Helping children develop self-esteem is a matter of helping them gather evidence that they are competent, capable, successful right now and being loved by others. Tell them the most important friend is God, loves you, through your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister & Friends.

When children are allowed to do things for themselves, they feel proud and competent.

How would you handle the following situations:

• Sham says, “I can’t do math. I’m stupid!”• Seema tells you that someone in her class said her butterfly

project was ugly.• John tells you he doesn’t have any friends because all the

boys in his class play soccer and he doesn’t know how.

Ways to Build Self-Esteem

• Love your children for who they are• Be grateful to God and keep telling

yourself that your children areGod’s gift to you

• See, encourage, and not seek your child’s talents• Give your children importance• Give responsibility• Set rules and consequences• Establish Spirituality & practice to set routines • Guide & monitor your child’s friends• Allow children to express their feelings• Be a positive mirror • Play with your child • Be spontaneous and affectionate

If you do not allow one to

become a lion, one will become a fox.

-Swami Vivekananda

If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again

If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd build self-esteem first,and the house later.I'd finger-paint more,and point the finger less.I would do less correctingand more connecting.I'd take my eyes off my watchand watch with my eyes.I would care to know lessand know to care more.I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious,and seriously play.I would run through more fieldsand gaze at more stars.I'd do more huggingand less tugging.I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.I would be firm less often,and affirm much more. I'd model less about the love of power,And more about the power of Love.

~ by Diane Loomans

IB Learner Profile Coupled with Vedanta

The Steps of a Child• If a child lives with …

– … Criticism, He learns to condemn.– … hostility, He learns to fight. – … ridicule, He learns to be shy.– … shame, He learns to feel guilty.– … tolerance, He learns to be patient.– … encouragement, He learns confidence.– … praise, He learns to appreciate.– … fairness, He learns justice.– … approval, He learns to like himself.– … acceptance and friendship, He learns to

find love in the world.- Dorothy Law Nolte

This 21 Century Belongs To India

• Did you know that India was the wealthiest country in this Globe?

• Subsequently India went down and down - Why”?• India is rising once again. The Economy of India is the

tenth-largest in the world by nominal GDP and the third-largest by purchasing power parity (PPP).

God Talks with Arjuna

THE BHAGAVAD GITASri Sri Paramhansa Yogananda

• At the time India was conquered by Western colonial powers, according to historian Dr. J.T. Sunderland, she was the wealthiest nation on the globe.

“Let us remember”, wrote the eminent historian and philosopher Will Durant (in The Case for India, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1930), “that India was the motherland of our race, and Sanskrit the mother of Europe’s languages; that she was the mother of our philosophy, mother, through the Arabs, of much of our mathematics, mother…of the ideals embodied in Christianity, mother, through the village community, of self-government and democracy. Mother India in many ways the mother of us all”.

42

God Talks with Arjuna THE BHAGAVAD GITA Sri Sri Paramhansa Yogananda

World religious authority Huston Smith recalls that in the 1950s the eminent British historian Toynbee predicted that in the 21st century, “India the conquered would conquer her conquerors”.

21st Century Does Belong to India

• But who are these Indians who are going to make India number one in the globe, is it you and me?

• A piece of steel can be converted into a nail for the concrete wall of our home. That cost may be of 10 rupees? It could also be converted into a spring for Rolex watch which could cost maybe 60,000 rupees.

• Your child is a gift from God, what you make out of him is your gift back to God.

Thank You!!