Panda

The Story of the Panda Bears told by a Saxophonist who has a

Girlfriend in Frankfurt

by Matéi Visniec

Translated from the French by Claire Doucet and Ian Whitfield

characters:

HIMHER

The Story of the Panda Bears told by a Saxophnist who has a girl friend in Frankfurt 1

The Story of the Panda Bears told by a Saxophonist who has a Girlfriend in Frankfurt

Copyright ã1996 by Matéi VisniecAll performance rights, including professional, amateur, stock, motion picture,

radio, television, recitation, public reading, etc. are strictly reserved. All inquiries should be addressed to the author's agent:

SACD (Société des Auteurs et Compositeurs Dramatiques)11 bis, rue Ballu, 75442 Paris cedex 09, France

Tel. 0033 - (0)1 40 23 44 44 Fax. 0033 - (0)1 40 23 45 31E-mail: [email protected]

© Matéi Visniec 10, rue Watteau 75013 Paris FRANCE

Tel. Fax. : 0033 - (0)1 47 07 31 89 E-mail: [email protected] Site: www.mateivisniec.home.ro

First performed at the Avignon Festival (off), July 1996, by PLI URGENT Company, directed by Rémi Rauzier

Original title in French: « L'histoire des ours pandas racontée par un saxophoniste

qui a une petite amie à Francfort »(published in France by Editions ACTES SUD-PAPIERS, 1998)


MORNING

Room in complete disorder. A bed. We can distinguish two forms under the cover. The man begins to move. He's finding it hard to wake up. Something is bothering him. He smels a strange, unknown parfume. He opens his eyes with difficulty, closes yhem again and waits. He listens to the sound of breathing, not his own. He opens his eyes once again, reaches out with his searching hand to discover a body lying next to him.

Amazement.

He closes his eyes and try to go back to sleep. He can't. He reopens his eyes. Slowly he pulls back the sheets and looks at the other body: it's a woman.

She awakes slowly, opens her eyes. They look at each other. He smiles at him. He returns the smile.

HIM Who are you?HER Me?

Pause.

HIM Do we know each other?HER Not really.HIM Is this your place?HER No, yours.HIM You're joking?

Pause.

HER No, this is your flat.HIM Impossible.HER Pff! Whatever! You had the keys.HIM What are we doing here?HER I don't know.HIM Did we make love?HER Do you have an iron?HIM What?HER I want to know if you have an iron.HIM She wants to know if I have an iron. Unbelievable. I must be

dreaming.

He ducks under the covers. After a pause.

HIM Am I dreaming or am I awake? HER You're dreaming. HIM (trying to move his head a bit) Shit! HER What's wrong? HIM My head... Am I still alive?


HER You don't look it.HI HIM You’re right. Did we make love?

HER Don't you remember anything?HIM Of course… (He reaches out and feels the floor.) Actually, the only

thing I remember, is that I put my cigarettes somewhere around here... (He finds the packet, takes one out and lights it.) Do you want a puff?

HER No, I must go. What time is it?HIM What's your name?HER (looking around) Where's my alarm clock?HIM (automatically he reaches and feels the floor) I don't have an alarm

clock.HER I didn't say your clock, I said my clock! Mine. I set the alarm.

Where is it ? HIM Wait till it rings and we'll find out. HER It should have rung already.HIM Do you mean to say that wherever you go, you always carry an

alarm clock ?HER Yes. And I want my clock.HIM (after having felt about a bit on his side) Listen, it’s more likely to

be on your side, your clock.HER It’s not.HIM Well then... I don't know...

Pause.

HER Give me a cigarette.HIM (handing it to her) It's the last one.

They smoke a while in silence, sharing the cigarette.

HER Do you have an iron?HIM Do you mind if I ask you a silly question?HER Go ahead.HIM Where exactly did we meet?HER So you really-don't remember anything?HIM All I remember is that at one point, someone opened a bottle of

Puligny-Montrachet 1945. Right after that... a big black hole.HER Well that's a good start! To remember that the wine was a

Puligny-Montrachet 1945!HIM Yup. I can still taste it.HER Do you often remember the taste of the wine you drank the night

before, and forget how you pulled the woman with whom you spent the night?

HER So we did make love!HER Rest assured, my sweet-pea, we did nothing of the sort. HIM Is it you that undressed me?HER No, you were already stark naked.

Pause. He seems embarrassed.

HIM So how did I...?


HER Manage to pull me? You didn't. The sax did.HIM Really?!HER Yes. You give good saxophone!HIM You really think so?HER Yes.HIM But I didn't have my sax with me.HER True, but someone else had one and he lent it to you.HIM Hmmm.HER Then, you got me hooked on « Baudelaire ».HIM « Baudelaire »? Me? That's a joke!HER It's true, you recited practically half of Baudelaire's work!HIM You’re winding me up?HER No. You recited some poems by Baudelaire, and I loved it.HIM For fuck's sake I don't know anything of Baudelaire’s.HER You’re mistaken. You know more that you think. And you're quite

charming when you're drunk and you recite Baudelaire. HIM Really?HER Here's the living proof! If not why would I be here?

Pause.

HIM And where did all this happen?HER All what?HIM The sax, Baudelaire, and all the rest of it?HER At Kiki's.HIM Who's Kiki?HER One of your friends I suppose.HIM One of my friends...HER Great wine connoisseur.HIM My friend the great wine connoisseur...HER Who has just launched his new club…HIM Kiki… (Trying hard to remember.) Kiki, great wine connoisseur who

has just launched his new club...HER Pretty nice one, too.HIM Right, if you say he runs a club... I hope you remember the address.

Do you work there?HER No, I only came for the party, the opening.HIM Of the club...HER It's called « Atmos ».HIM And how did I get to be there?HER I have no idea.HIM Around what time was all this?HER When you got there? Around two in the morning.HIM Really! And where had I come from?HER Listen, I can't know everything.HIM Oh! Right!HER « Oh! Right! » what?HIM Nothing. I'm just trying to fill in the holes. And the more you tell me,

the bigger and blacker the holes get. HER You need to sleep some more.HIM Were there lots of people?HER Yes. Around forty loonies.


HIM Who?HER I don't know them. I just landed there, like you, for the first time.HIM And after my little number, I just came straight back to your place

and recited Baudelaire?HER No, first you threw up on my dress.HIM You're making it up, that's not my style.HER Of course not. I was joking.HIM Thanks. A good joke for breakfast, love it.HER Right, I've got to get going. Where's your iron?HIM Wait, can't we have a coffee together? Just to get to know each

other.HER What for?HIM For god's sake, we did spend the night together.HER Close your eyes!HIM Why?HER I'm going to the bathroom.HIM Well go!HER Close your eyes, I said!HIM If I understand this correctly: you're completely naked too!HER Yes.HIM So that means that we made love! Doesn't it?HER It doesn't mean anything at all, my sweet-pea, nothing at all.HIM Did we or didn't we?HER You make me laugh. Whether we have or not, is not the question.HIM Listen, I have every right to know if we have made love or not. You

are in my bed, you are naked, I am naked so, I have the right to...HER Come on, close your eyes.HIM On top of that, I love modest women! Modesty excites me

enormously. We did, didn't we?HER (covering his eyes) Stay like that, ok? Don't look, don't move, don't

speak, ok?

She goes to the bathroom.With his eyes shut he feels amongst the empty beer cans sprawled around the bed.

HIM This Kiki fellow, didn't he give us a bottle of something? Or am I wrong? We had a bottle when we got here, it must still be full… Am I wrong? Where's my bottle?

HER (from the bathroom) In the kitchen.

Wrapped up in a blanket he goes to the kitchen. We hear HIM trip. Then, he reappears with a bottle of wine in one hand and a clock in the other. He goes towards the bathroom door and takes a sip.

HIM What's your name?HER Solange.HIM That's not what you said last night…HER Christine.HIM No. HER Mathilda.HIM Out of the question.


Pause.

HER Annie.HIM Please.HER Corinne. Natalie. Yvonne. Bernard...HIM Listen... Annie, Natalie, Yvonne...HER Yes?HIM Are you sure you have to go?HER Yes.

Pause.

HER (opens the bathroom door and puts out her hand) Give me your iron, please…

HIM Yes, Solange... Yes, Mathilda... Yes… (He looks for it and passes it to her.) Aren't you hungry? There's plenty to eat in the kitchen.

HER No, I'm not hungry.HIM We still have three eggs, a piece of cheese... Five biscuits...

Food in abundance! Enough for a feast!HER I have to go...HIM Diet yogurt?

She comes out of the bathroom, dressed in a beautiful evening dress. Her whole look has changed, she is elegant and refined.

HER No, thank you, I really must go. (He stares at her.) My alarm clock!Where was it?

He wants to say something but he has lost his voice.

HER (inspecting the clock) Strange. It hasn't rung. But I wound it up…That's the first time that's ever happened.

HIM You…Your... name... is not Solange.HER… You can call me whatever you like. Ok?HIM No, I can’t let you go just like that!HER But you must, I really am very very late.HIM Saturday is my birthday...HER So? You're not suggesting that I should stay until then, are you? HIM Wait. I'll get dressed and take you. Where are you going to?HER No, Listen. First you've got to rest. All right? You haven't had nearly

enough sleep. And when you feel better, you'll have to go to Kiki's, and pick up your car. Yes? You left it somewhere, but this morning you couldn't quite remember where! Right? After that, we'll see. All right my sweet-pea? Well then, goodbye, and sleep well.

HIM No! I don't agree! At all! I played the saxophone for you, I recited Baudelaire for you, I threw up all over your dress... I want your phone number.

HER Give me a kiss goodbye and go to bed... Deal?HIM No deal. You slept in my pad, you undressed me, I lent you my iron,

I want to know your real name!HER What for?


HIM Because... because… Because I want to know you, that's fucking why!

HER But I've already told you, just pick one for me.

She opens the door. He gets back into bed and makes himself very small under the covers.

HIM It's not fair! No! Not at all! Not at all, at all, AT ALL! I recited Baudelaire for you… I... Ah ... Oh shit, I've lost it, I've got to hide somewhere... I should disappear a while... but it's not fair at all! I recited Baudelaire for you… You could stay a little bit longer... It's not fair, you're not fair…

She returns to HIM.

HER You really think I'm unfair?HIM Yes! A thousand times Yes!HER How many nights do you need to get to know me?HIM (under the covers) One more.HER One more, all right.HIM No, two more.HER Two, ok.HIM No! A week! Seven nights!HER Seven nights is too much. You're being greedy.HIM Eight!HER Eight? That's almost a life time!HIM Nine! Please, Nine!HER Nine. Fine, done! But after that, you ask nothing more.HIM No.HER On your honour?HIM Yes, nine nights, and then... nothing.HER Right, deal. I'll come back nine times. (She leaves her clock on the

bed.) There, nine nights, but then that will be it! All right? And you will play the saxophone for me!

HIM (he hands her a key) Here, take this.HER Why?HIM I like the idea of you being able to come in at any time.HER What about you? You won't be able to go out.HIM I won't go out anymore. I'll just wait for you.

She exits.

IN THE DARK

HIM: “Often, for fun, crewmen... Catch albatrosses... Catch albatrosses, huge seabirds, Who… Who follow... Who follow...”


Shit!

“Who follow... Who follow easy-moving companions… travelling companions… Who follow easy-moving travelling companions… Who follow easy-moving travelling companions…”

The phone rings. The man does not answer. The answering machine kicks in. The other’s voice.

MESSAGE: Hi; it's Christian... Are you there?... Listen, call me urgently, I have a proposition for you! Ciao!

THE FIRST NIGHT

Black. She lights a lamp.

HER It's me.HIM (jumping up) What?HER (lighting a second lamp) It's me.HIM Oh… How did you get in?HER Have you forgotten: you gave me the key?HIM It was the key to the cellar.HER (takes her coat off and hangs it up; laughing) Why did you do

that?HIM I don't know. Probably to show off. Please, forgive me.HER (takes her hat off and lets her hair tumble down) I forgive you.

You’re an idiot, but I forgive you.HIM How did you get in, then?HER It was open.HIM Really?HER Yes. Here, I brought your mail.HIM You have all the answers, don't you? (Looking at his letters.)

Perhaps you have already read these.HER Yes. Nothing very interesting. Only bills.HIM Yes, I'm in deep shit.HER Didn't you go out today?HIM No, I waited for you.HER Liar. You slept like a log.HIM No, I waited for you. Because I realized that this guy KIKI doesn't

exist.HER Really? KIKI doesn't exist?HIM I phoned all my friends. No one had a club launch yesterday.HER Liar. You didn't call anyone.HIM How do you know?HER Because I have all the answers.


Pause.

HIM I didn't think you'd come back.HER I gave you my word.HIM At midnight, I played the sax for you.HER I heard you.HIM Are you my new neighbour from downstairs?HER No, I live with YOU.HIM For nine nights, yes.HER It could be nine lives.

Pause.

HIM You know what? I like making deals with you.HER You don't mind the fact that you are going to lose everything?HIM And I'm really sorry about the key. I thought you were pretending.HER So you tried to take your revenge!HIM I swear that I regretted it immediately. (Pause.) May I kiss you?HER No, first you must take a shower.HIM What?HER You stink something horrible. We should also open the windows and

tidy this mess up. I can't stay with you in this mess, for nine nights.HIM Yes, Maam!HER You'd better shave as well. Here, take this. I noticed this morning

that you'd run out of after-shave.HIM How did you notice that?HER I'm allergic to empty boxes.HIM In that case, you'd better not go into the kitchen. There are plenty

of empty boxes there.HER Not to worry. I've done the shopping.

He goes to the bathroom. She goes into the kitchen. Various appropriate noises: water, cleaning etc. The phone rings. The answering machine picks up.

MESSAGE ON MACHINE: Hi Mickael, it's Elisabeth. Are you there?... Come on, pick up… You're there... You're not there... You're there... You're not there... Pick up?... Fine, you're not picking up… It's me, Elisabeth. Good bye.

She exits from the kitchen, tidies up a little, opens the window, lays the table and lights two candles etc... She comes and goes. He comes out of the bathroom, the table is ready.

HIM That's cool! I haven't had dinner by candlelight for ages.HER Don’t you listen to your answering machine anymore?HIM I'm fed up with all these messages. I want to be left in peace for a

little.HER You haven't eaten anything today.HIM I wasn't hungry.HER (kissing HIM) Did you really just sit and wait for me?HIM Yes.HER Come on. Sit down. You can open the wine if you like.


HIM What's this? Puligny-Montrachet 1945! My God! This must have cost a bomb!

HER There. We made a deal, it’s our first night, and we are going to celebrate it.

HIM Puligny-Montrachet 1945. It reminds me of something.HER What?HIM It just reminds me… It’s odd… It just reminds me of something…

But… I can't remember what.HER Would Monsieur please take a seat? Would Monsieur have the

kindness to do the honours?HIM (after having swirled the wine for a while) Yes... No doubt about it...

This bouquet reminds me of something... May I? Please, Madame! Does it not remind you of something?...

Knoks at the door.

HER Are you expecting somebody?HIM Me?VOICE Monsieur Pailhole...HER Who is it?HIM They're all mad.HER But…HIM Pains in the arse, all of them! (Out loud.) You're all a pain in the

arse!VOICE Monsieur Pailhole...HER (whispering) Go on, open the door, see what he wants.HIM Shh! I have no desire to see what he wants.HER Do you want me to go and see?

More knoks.

VOICE Mr Pailhole...HIM Come on, we must run!HER What?HIM Quickly! Quickly! If we stay here they will catch us! They’re all mad,

all of them. (He undresses her fast.) Quickly, quickly… (He turns out the lights.) Come on, come on... We have to get out of here, quick...

HER Your name is Pailhole?HIM (out loud) There is no-one here, do you understand? There is no-

one in, shit, can't you see that? Bastards! (Whispering.) Tell them, tell them they're a pain in the arse!

HER You're all a pain in the arse!

He drags her towards the bed. More knocks.

VOICE Mr Pailhole...HIM There's no-one here! No-one, I tell you. (Whispering.) Tell them! Tell

them that there isn't anyone anywhere!HER (hiding under the blankets with HIM) We are not in.HIM Tell them we aren't anywhere!HER We aren't anywhere! Bunch of arseholes!


HIM Well done! (Laughter under the covers.) Did you see that? Did you see? We only just got away.

HER Hey! What's this?HIM The bottle. It's all I could save.

Blackout.

IN THE DARK

Quietly, for HIM self, he plays the sax. Every now and then we catch a glimpse of the instrument. He plays for a little while. The phone rings. He doesn 't pick up. The answering machine kicks in. He stops playing to listen to the message.

MESSAGE: Hi there! It's Chris!... Ok you're not in. Listen. Do you want to play in Grenoble on the 27th and the 28th? In other words in two weeks time… Well, if you're free give me a call back double quick! It's really urgent! And... Oh ya!.. Something else for you... Hold on, let me get my diary... A whole week, end of May... I’ll tell you all about it... Right now I am still in Grenoble, I know that you'll be going down to Lyon on the 15th, but on the 15th I won't be, I'll still be in Grenoble... Listen I'll call you back to see if you want to stay at the house when you're in Lyon and we'll have to organise how to sort out the key situation, and to see how long you think you'll stay in Lyon and if we can meet up. I'll be able to come and spend at least one evening with you in Lyon... Whatever... Right? So, tomorrow, tomorrow is Friday, I'll be at home all morning, let's try and speak then. I hope you're very, very well... Ok mate... Ciao Mickael.

Silence.

THE SECOND NIGHT

In semi-darkness. Maybe they have just made love. They are resting on the floor, back to back, their heads leaning against each other. She is eating some grapes. He has an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips, a lighter in his hand.

HER Say « a ».HIM « a ».HER More tenderly: « a ».HIM « a ».HER Whisper: « a ».HIM « a ».HER I want a soft « a »: « a ».HIM « a ».HER Loud but soft: « a ».HIM « a ».


HER Say « a » as if to say you love me.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » as if to say you will never forget me.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » as if to say you think I'm beautiful.HIM « a »!HER Say « a » as if to say you are bloody stupid!HIM « a »HER Say « a » as if to say you want me.HIM « a »HER Say « a » as if to say : « stay! »HIM « a ».HER Say « a » as if to say: “get undressed!”HIM « a »!HER Say « a » as if you were asking me why I am late.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » to say hello to me.HIM « a ».HER Say « a» to say goodbye to me.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » to ask me if I have brought you something.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » to tell me that you’re happy.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » to tell me that you never want to see me again.HIM « a »!HER No, that's not right...HIM « a »!HER Look, if you don’t do exactly as I say, I’ll stop the game...HIM « a »...HER Good, say « a » as if you were saying that you never wanted to see

me again.HIM « a »...HER Very good. Now, say « a » as if you were telling me that you slept

very badly without me, that you dreamt only of me and that you woke up exhausted with no desire to carry on living.

HIM « a »...HER Hmm. Say « a » to tell me that you have something really

important to tell me.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » to tell me to stop asking you to say « a ».HIM « a »!HER Say « a » to say how wonderful it is to talk only in « a ».HIM « a ».HER Ask me to say « a ».HIM « a ».HER Ask me to say a soft « a ».HIM « a ».HER Ask me to say a soft whispering « a ».HIM « a ».HER Ask me if I love you as much as you love me.HIM « a »...?


HER Tell me that I'm driving you crazy.HIM « a »!HER And that you've had enough!HIM « a »!HER Ok... Do I want a coffee?HIM « a »?HER Yes, I'd love one.

He gets up and pours her a coffee.

HIM « a »?HER Just a small piece, thank you.

He hands her his cigarette packet.

HIM « a »?HER No, thank you I have my own.

She takes out a packet of cigarettes and takes one.

HIM (he offers her a light) « a »?HER No, not just yet.HIM « a »?HER I don't know… Though I think I prefer to eat at home.HIM « a ».HER All right. But do we have any sauce?HIM « a ».HER We'll go out then.HIM « a »!HER We'll stay in then.HIM « a »...HER Come here…HIM « a »...HER Look me straight in the eyes.HIM « a ».HER Say « a » in your mind.HIM ...HER Softer…HIM ...HER Louder. And clearer so that I can catch it.HIM ...HER Now, say « a » in your mind as if to say you love me…HIM ...HER Once again.HIM ...HER Say « a » in your mind as if to say you'll never forget me.HIM ....HER Say « a » in your mind as if to say you think I'm beautiful.HIM …HER And now I'm going to ask you something... Something very

important... And you're going to answer in your mind. Are you ready?


HIM ...HER « a »?HIM ...HER ...HIM ...

IN THE DARK

The phone rings. He doesn’t pick it up. The answering machine clicks in.

MESSAGE:Mickael, good evening. It's Mark again. Now, listen about your contract, I'm going to need your bank details, so enclose them in your letter. Right. Anything else you need to know, you can reach me at Yolanda's, or tonight at my place. See ya.

Silence.

THE THIRD NIGHT

She is sitting at the table. He comes out of the kitchen carrying a tray.

HIM Here you are! It's called tochinel.HER Are you supposed to eat this?HIM Of course you're supposed to eat it.HER Is it a Jewish thing?HIM No, more Polish actually. My mother used to make it for me when I

was a kid. Here, add some cream.HER Is it sweet?HIM No, it's a starter, it can even be a main course.HER Mmm.HIM Like it?HER Is it made with potatoes?HIM Yes.HER Mmm. Not bad. How do you make it?HIM Can't tell you.HER Why not?HIM The recipe is a family secret.HER Then I shan't eat any more.HIM All right, I'll give it to you... First you peel the potatoes and then you

grate them.HER Like carrots?HIM Like carrots, yes… Then, you add a couple of eggs, a little wheat

flour, salt and spices... you beat the lot into a nice creamy smooth consistency... you chuck it into a hot pan... like you would an omelette... And there you go... My mother would make it for me when I was a kid... It must be thirty years since I last had it… I was a very greedy child... Always hungry... My father always told me my


head was too big for my scrawny neck... But that's not true… I mean, is it? Is my head too big for my scrawny neck? I don't think so… God, how time flies! My father always got up at six… Can you imagine, waking every single day of your life, for thirty-five years, at six in the morning? On top of that he worked in a toxic atmosphere... A furniture factory or something like that... They'd give the workers a free bottle of milk every day, to desintoxicate them... But my father would always bring it home… We must have been quite poor, in those days, I suppose... Anyway... I remember one day I made a bet with my cousin that I could drink the whole bottle in one go… I was seven or eight... And I did... I haven't been able to drink milk since… Only cream... in small doses... God how time flies! We had a garden... And an apple tree that my father planted the day I was born… My father was like that... He would plant a tree every time my mother gave him a child... When I was born, there was already an apricot tree, a plum, a cherry and a walnut tree. The apricot tree was for my elder sister Brigitte. The plum for my brother Jean and the cherry and walnut for my twin sisters, Jeanne and Claire. Funny guy my dad… Nobody understood what made him choose a particular tree for a particular child... Personally I never thought the walnut suited Claire... Anyhow, he was a stubborn man and he never gave up his idea… And after I was born, the trees kept on being planted in the garden: a pear, a fir, some exotic tree, a sort of ebony that grew really slowly... The ebony was for my sister Karine who became a dancer... Anyway… A few years back, I went to visit my mother and I saw the garden. It was exactly as it had always been, all the trees were in flower, and my mother, when she saw me, looked so surprised, as if the apple tree had just walked into the room instead of me… Actually, I don't think my mother needed to see us at all, my brothers and I, she didn't miss us much. As for her, we are all there, in the garden... Always in the garden… She spends all her time on the veranda, looking at the trees, looking at us... waiting for each to give its fruit... that… anyway… I really should give her a call one of these days... Right now it's apple time… and I can almost feel her munching through me… The old boy did have a certain logic in his choice of trees for us though... As if he knew that my mother would one day be alone... But at least, she has fresh fruit all year round... Early on: cherries, then plums... apricots... then it's pears and, late in the autumn, the apples and nuts... In the winter: the fir stays green, and she can look at it.

HER And the ebony?HIM The ebony... It grows so slowly that it seems to be like a child, who

still hangs around the house… It's mad!... She eats us secretly to compensate for our absence... Right, I have just had an attack of verbal diarrhea, haven’t I? You should have stopped me…

HER I like your tochinel.

Blackout.


THE FOURTH NIGHT

She brings a bird cage covered with black cloth.

HER Happy birthday! I've brought you something.HIM What?HER It's a pet.HIM A bird?HER In fact we don't really know what shape it is.HIM I don't follow.HER Its shape... Or rather its body. It doesn't have a body.HIM It's invisible?HER It's not invisible but you can't see it.HIM So how do you know it’s in the cage?HER When the cage is covered, it moves.HIM Really?HER Yes. It only moves in the dark. Listen.

They both listen.

HIM What's it doing ?HER We don't know. Maybe it's eating. Maybe it's walking about. Maybe

it's dreaming. Maybe it's singing.HIM It's singing in there, right now?HER It's always saying something. But we never know what it is.HIM (listening) Isn't that a shout?HER I don't know.HIM And what do you want me to do with it?HER It's decorative.HIM It's decorative?!HER It's for the house. Or rather for the bedroom. Because it doesn't

like being on its own, ever.HIM I don't really like the idea of a pet you can't look at.HER But you can look at it.HIM How can you look at it if it's invisible?HER But you look at its presence. That’s enough. If you really need

convincing that it’s there, you can feed it! Take off the cover, leave some food on a clean plate, then cover the cage again, and wait a bit. It always eats very fast, and it eats everything. So the minute it has finished you take the cover off and look at the empty plate. It's as if you were looking at it.

HIM (stunned) And I just look at the empty plate.HER And it's as if you were looking at it.HIM Yes, of course...

Pause.

HER So?HIM So what?HER So, will you take it?HIM What does it like to eat?


HER Apricot stones, parsley... Even little balls of warm bread... But it eats a lot, you know.... You have to feed it every four hours.

HIM Out of the question. There are some days when I'm not in.HER What do you mean? Well, you'll just have to pop back every four

hours. And also, you must be careful, because sometimes it has babies.

HIM Oh yeah! By itself? Does it lay them or something?HER No-one knows. I think it's because of the light. Everytime you lift

the cover off the cage, it's impregnated by the light.HIM So it's female.HER Maybe. But I think that this species only has females.HIM Right, and with the kids, if it has any, what do I do with them?HER For one thing, you can stroke them. The newly born will let you

stroke them in the first couple of minutes of their life...HIM And for food?HER Here, there is a small problem.HIM I feed them every four hours?HER No, first you have to separate the kids from the mother. That is an

absolute must, because the kids of this species die immediately if they’re not separated immediately from the mother. For that, you need to always have a tiny spare cage ready. And the minute you see a little spark light up in a cage, it's because the kids want to go to their own place. So, you open the big cage wide and say three times « Cheep Cheep Cheep ». And the kid will go from the big cage to the small one.

HIM They’re very intelligent these creatures.HER Yes, they have an incredible memory. If you tell them a story, all

the kids born after that can repeat it to you word for word. Because there are moments when you can talk with them.

HIM When is that?HER During an eclipse.

THE FIFTH NIGHT

He is shaving in front of a small mirror he has put on the table. She is ironing a shirt of his. It looks like she is getting him ready for an evening out. The wardrobe is open, maybe she is the one who chose the suit, the pair of shoes, the tie, etc... that can be seen on chairs.

HIM It must be nearly eight.HER Do you think so?HIM My neighbour upstairs... Can you hear him? He's just come in.HER I can’t hear anything.

Pause.

HIM He always gets in around eight in the evening. Right now he is taking his shoes off.

HER You're crazy. How can you tell that?


HIM I don't know. In the last few days my hearing seems to have developed exceptionally. I can hear every noise in the house. There, he’s switching on all four lamps in his living room.

HER No.HIM It's true... I hear footsteps, voices, breathing... Even the insects in

the walls... Especially when it's dark... For some time now every sound in this house has passed through my brain... (He angles the mirror so that it reflects the ceiling.) Even when they're quiet, I can hear them being quiet...

HER Does he live alone?HIM Yes. He’s been there three months. Can you feel him walking across

the room?HER No.HIM He's putting his mail down on the kitchen table.HER (she gets closer and looks in the mirror) He's opening the fridge…HIM And he's taking out a bottle of milk.HER Are you sure it's milk?HIM Listen how he drinks it. It can only be milk.HER You're right.

Pause.

HER He's putting the bottle back in the fridge and shutting the fridge.HIM Well done!HER He's coming back into the sitting-room.HIM And now?HER He’s listening to his answering machine.HIM Perfect.HER He’s switching on the telly. He’s flicking through the channels. HIM He's finding his crappy channel.HER What is it?HIM It's a cartoon. HER How old do you think he is?HIM About thirty.HER He's going back to the kitchen. HIM He’s taking out his frozen steak. HER He’s putting it in a pan. Putting the pan on his electric cooker.

Putting the heat right up. He’s opening a tin of corn.HIM Are you sure it's corn?HER Absolutely.HIM You learn fast.HER Shit! What's that?HIM That's coming from the ground floor. It's a little boy who’s mad

about electronic games.HER I can hear someone on the left, who is listening to a symphony with

head phones.HIM That's Mr Moricerti.HER Is that Vivaldi or what?HIM No, it’s Allessandro Marcello.HER Wait a minute. Somebody has opened the door downstairs.HIM That must be Miss Vergne. She always gets in around quarter past

eight.


HER She’s walking up.HIM Yes, she lives on the first floor.HER She sounds tired.HIM Yes, she works very hard.HER She’s taking off her gloves. She's searching for her keys in her bag.HIM It takes her on average between forty seconds to a minute and a

half to find them.HER This girl is so shy!HIM I always thought that she ought to meet the guy upstairs. It's crazy

that they've never bumped into each other. In the morning he leaves at half past seven. She leaves at quarter to eight. On Sunday mornings, she goes to the market while he has a lie in. When he leaves to go to the swimming-pool, she's cooking. And even when they go out for a walk or pop to the shops, they just miss one another by a minute or two.

HER She's taking off her shoes. She’s taking off her coat. She's hanging her coat up on the coat hanger.

HIM Now she's going to listen to her answering machine.HER Yes, she's listening to it.HIM It's always her mother asking her to call back. Now she’s going to

go to the kitchen.HER She's going.HIM She's going to get an apple.HER I think this time it's a pear.HIM (resigned) Whatever... She’s going to put on the telly.HER I have a feeling she's watching the same channel as the guy

upstairs.HIM They're both crazy. It’s a shame they don't watch the same crap

together.HER Maybe we should do something.HIM What?

(He shaves, she holds the mirror for HIM.)

THE SIXTH NIGHT

He enters.He lights the two lamps in the sitting room.He drops his mail on the table.He goes to the kitchen and opens the fridge.He returns with a bottle of beer.He drinks. He presses ”play” and listens to his answering machine.

HER (voice on the answering machine) Where've you been? I popped round earlier, but you weren't there. Are you trying to avoid me or what? You promised to wait at home. Did you go and fetch your mail? I hope you haven't opened it yet. Go and put it back in the letter box, ok? But make sure nobody sees you. I'm really sorry but I can't make it tonight. But we’ll probably see each other tomorrow. I left my gloves somewhere this morning. They're probably on the


pillow... Can you see them? You can leave them there, I like the idea of you sleeping with your head on my fingers. Anyway, behave yourself and try and get an early night. And above all don't listen to this message a second time. All right? Promise me? Tell me you promise me. Louder, so that I can hear your voice...

HIM Yes...HER (her voice on the answering machine) Louder! I can't hear

anything. Louder, please...HIM Yes, yes, yes... HER (her voice on the answering machine) Thank you... I trust you... I

give you a big kiss... See you tomorrow. And don't forget, go and put the mail back in the box. Ok? I'm yours, with you, at this very moment. Ok? See you tomorrow then.

End of message.Long silence. He presses « rewind», then «play » and listens once again to the message.While listening to the message, he goes to the kitchen, opens a tin of carrots, eats.

HER (her voice on the machine) Where've you been? I popped round earlier but you weren't there. Are you trying to avoid me or what? You promised to wait at home. Did you go and fetch your mail? I hope you haven't opened it yet. Go and put it back in the letter box, ok? But make sure nobody sees you. I'm really sorry but I can't make it tonight. But we’ll probably see each other tomorrow. I left my gloves somewhere this morning. They're probably on the pillow... You can leave them there, I like the idea of you sleeping with your head on my fingers. Anyway, behave yourself and… don't try to listen to this message a third time. Why don't you do as I say? There are some things you have to work out for yourself! I can't tell you everything. Right, promise me you won't betray me anymore. Promise me? Tell me you promise me. Louder, so that I can hear your voice...

HIM Yes...HER (her voice on the answering machine) Louder! I can't hear anything. HIM Yes, I promise you...HER (her voice on the answering machine) Thank you... I trust you... See

you tomorrow. And don't forget, go and put the mail back in the box. Ok? I'm yours, with you, at this very moment. See you tomorrow.

End of message.He pours himself a drink, he drinks.Long silence. He presses « rewind », and then « play ». He listens to the message for the third time.

HER (her voice on the answering machine) Where’ve you been? Are you trying to avoid me or what? You promised to wait at home. I hope nobody saw you go out or come in. I'm really sorry but I can't make tonight. No, it’s not because you broke your promises. I forgive you


for that. And we'll probably see each other tomorrow. Ok? Now behave yourself and try and get an early night. And one more thing. Drop your little investigation. You'll never find either Kiki’s café, or anything… Let it drop, ok? Thanks... I trust you… I give you a big kiss… See you tomorrow. And don't forget, I'm yours, with you, at this very moment. Because tonight is our sixth night. See you tomorrow.

End of message.

HIM No! (He presses « rewind » and then « play ».) No! No! No! You're stealing one night from me. I don't agree!

HER (her voice on the answering machine) But of course tonight is our sixth night. Am I not with you right now? It'll be a wonderful night, you'll see. You have my gloves with you on the pillow... And the other five nights that are still there, with you... Now, you must turn out the lights and learn to listen to the silence... Lie down on the bed... Close your eyes… And listen only to the silence... And keep your hands off this machine… Let's listen to the silence together, all right? You have to imagine that it’s the silence of my voice… that this silence is me… Do you understand? Stay like that, don't move anymore… This silence that is caressing you is me... Calm down, I'm with you... Listen…

The cassette keeps running. He listens to the silence on tape.

THE SEVENTH NIGHT

She enters.She takes her shoes off.She puts on the two lamps in the sitting-room. She takes her coat off and hangs it on the coat hanger. She takes her hat off and lets her hair hang loose. She goes to the kitchen to fetch an apple. She sits in the rocking-chair and eats the apple. The room is full of little covered cages.

HER Come on, out.

(Silence.)

Come on, stop clowning around, come out.

(Silence.)

You’re really angry, aren’t you?

(Silence.)

Have you eaten?


(Silence.)

I can make something for you, if you like.(Silence.)

Do you want some spaghetti?

(Silence.)

We still have three eggs, a piece of cheese... food galore…

(Silence.)Listen, I'm hungry. How about a tochinel?

(Silence.)

Oh, say something, you’re going too far… I haven't done anything to you.

HIM (invisible) Yes, you have.HER No, I haven't.HIM (invisible) Yes, you have. HER So, why not make up?HIM (invisible) No.HER I'll make you something to eat. I'll also do the washing up. HIM (invisible) No.HER I've brought a bottle of wine. The one you like.HIM (invisible) I don't care. I only drink milk.HER What's with all these cages?HIM (invisible) None of your business.HER Don't you want to give me a kiss?HIM (invisible) What for?HER Come here, I want you to kiss me.HIM (invisible) Hang on. First I must feed the birds.

She opens the bottle and pours two glasses.

HER (drinking) This wine is really delicious. You were quite right to forget everything except its bouquet.

HIM (invisible) Pass me that cage over there, please.HER Which one?HIM (invisible) The big one. Thank you. Ouch !HER What's wrong?HIM (invisible) Nothing.HER Did they bite you?HIM (invisible) What? (Lightning in a cage.) Stop! For God’s sake, stop!HER What the hell are you doing?HIM (invisible) They are mad, mad, mad! The minute they're born, they

start breeding! On top of that they seem to think that I'm their father!

HER But of course you are! Don't you realise that it's you who makes them reproduce.


HIM (invisible) But I’m not even touching them!HER Ah!HIM (invisible) Of course I’m not! They have become incredibly

perverse. They make love to my smell, to my shadow, to my breath, to my heart beat. The minute I say something they couple with my words... If I look at myself in a mirror, they make love to my reflection... I have never seen such determination to live! What are we going to do? In two or three days, where will I put them? Would you please hand me the other empty cage next to you?

HER Which one? The little one?HIM (invisible) Yes. And there are some more in the wardrobe. Can you

open the wardrobe, please?

She opens it, and lots of cages roll to the floor. Flashes of lightning in all of them, like a firework.

HER Come on, that's enough. Let them wait a while and come on out.HIM (invisible) Where the hell do you want me to come out from? I am

nowhere. In fact, I don’t know myself where I am. Maybe you can show me where my voice is coming from?

HER Yes.HIM (invisible) From where?HER From everywhere.HIM (invisible) So, I’m everywhere.HER You’ll die of hunger, there.HIM (invisible) I can’t die of hunger because food itself can’t die of

hunger.HER So they’ve eaten you?HIM (invisible, sighing) Yes, it seems that way.HER Are you sure?HIM (invisible) Yes, I think they must have eaten me before I knew what

was happening.HER Did it hurt?HIM (invisible) On the contrary, I quite liked it. Except that now, I’m

drifting empty around the room. This excites them enormously. I can tell because they continue to multiply at the speed of light. (Despaired.) Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

More lightning in the cages.

HER What more do they want?HIM They’ve just made love to the thing I was just thinking.HER Then, for God’s sake, stop thinking! They’ll invade the whole estate. HIM Can’t you come and join us over on this side? I’d love them to be

making love with the exact moment we make love.

A series of flashes. Shadows that intermingle.

THE EIGHTH NIGHT


HIM I want to marry you.HER All right.HIM You're not already married, I hope.HER No.HIM Perfect.

Short pause.

HIM So?HER So what?HIM Do you want to be my bride?HER But you're not married, I hope.HIM No.HER Perfect.

Short pause.

HIM So?HER So what?HIM Shall we get married?HER Yes.HIM I want to do it right away.HER All right.

Short pause.

HIM Now.HER Now?HIM Now.HER Today?HIM Not today, now.HER Now?HIM Yes.HER All right.

Short pause.

HIM So?HER So what?HIM Shall we?HER Yes.HIM Perfect.

Short pause.

HIM We need a witness.HER If we want.HIM You're right. We don't need a witness.HER No.HIM Fine.


Pause.

HIM We don't need anybody.HER No.HIM Fine.HER But we need a little something ceremonial, all the same.HIM We can go up on the roof, if you like.HER All right.

He opens the trap door and they go onto the roof.

HIM Are you ready?HER Yes.HIM Are you sure?HER Yes.HIM This is the last time I'll ask you: Are you sure?HER Yes.HIM So, I declare us husband and wife.HER Yes.

The phone rings. Once, twice, three times, four times, five, six, seven, eight times. Then the calls stop.

THE NINTH NIGHT

HER Are you dreaming?HIM I'm dreaming that you're talking to me.HER Can you hear me?HIM I'm dreaming that I can hear you. HER Are you frightened?HIM Yes.HER What are you frightened of? HIM I'm frightened someone will come and wake us. HER Am I with you, in your dream?HIM Yes.HER Can you touch me?HIM I don't need to touch you, because we're both dreaming the same

dream.HER Can you describe it?HIM It's still confused. But it seems to me that we are gently detaching

ourselves from ourselves.HER From our bodies?HIM Yes, we're abandoning them, gently.HER Our bodies, can you see them?HIM Yes. They're asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. They're content.HER So, listen to me carefully. Do we still need our bodies?HIM Apparently not.HER And our bodies ? Do they regret our departure?


HIM Apparently not.HER Can you feel us leaving our present behind us?HIM Yes.HER Leaving our memory?HIM Yes.HER Leaving our five senses? They're left behind like a pentagon

outlined on the tarmac.HIM Yes.HER Does it distress you?HIM No, it makes me feel extremely light.HER Our entangled bodies are very far away now. Further and further.

Can you still pick them out?HIM As if they were two small sea shells.HER We have become two voices, simply two voices in flight.HIM More than that.HER More than that, how?HIM Rather like two waving wings in flight. HER Two white waving wings in flight HIM Two white waving wings in flight, yes. HER We're in full flight high above ourselves, aren't we?HIM More than that. HER More than that, how?HIM I don't know. We're gliding above everything that we no longer

need.HER We're floating above the world?HIM Above everything.HER We have perhaps become inseperable. Finally, inseperable...HIM I can feel you as if we were each a wing of the same bird.HER It’s odd then that we can still communicate. We should now have

only one voice.HIM I think that will happen.HER Do you hear me as if I was your own hearing?HIM Yes.HER Can you see me as if I was your own sight?HIM Yes.HER You can't touch me anymore because you cannot touch your own

sense of touch.HIM That's right.HER Does it make you melancholic not to have shape or form anymore?HIM No, I'm approaching perfection.HER Can you still see anything around you?HIM Yes, I'm like an eyelid that envelops the visible.HER And in the center of all that, what do you see in the center of all

that?HIM Us.HER And what do you hear?HIM Music. The music of a fall in the midst of a fall itself.HER That's not good. You are still afraid of me.HIM Maybe.HER You mustn't answer me anymore.HIM But I know all the answers…HER Are you still afraid of silence?


HIM No, because silence does not exist anymore.HER Are we going to talk like this for infinity?HIM Yes. Because if we stop talking, I'm afraid we might lose our

balance and fall.HER Do you still remember the place we took off from?HIM No.HER Do you remember my last question?HIM No.HER Do you remember the question that I will ask you in a moment?HIM No.HER Do you still hear the fall?HIM No.HER How long did it take you between your answer and my last

question?HIM I gave you my answer before you asked me your question.HER You see how simple it is?HIM I would never have believed it would be this simple.HER Right, now decide. Do we go over to the other side or not?HIM Yes.HER Are you sure?HIM Yes.HER This is the last time I will ask you: Are you sure?HIM Yes.HER What was the animal you liked best when you were a kid?HIM Panda bears.HER Give me the name of a city you would have liked to have lived in.HIM Frankfurt. There's a lovely zoo there.HER All right. So in your next life you will be a panda bear.HIM And you?HER Me. I'll visit you in Frankfurt.

Blackout.

THE MORNING

The room is empty, in half light. Voices from outside the door.

1st VOICE It's there.SERGEANT And you are sure that...1st VOICE Can't you smell that? I don't think it's normal, that smell.

Knocks at the door.

SERGEANT Mister Pailhole...1st VOICE It’s no good. He hasn't answered for at least ten days. SERGEANT But you're sure that he is in there?1st VOICE I fear the worst... (To someone opening a door.) Mrs Falabregues!

Would you mind coming here a minute?MRS F Hello...


1st VOICE This is the sergeant...SERGEANT Sergeant POULAIN. Are you the landlady? MRS F Yes.SERGEANT And you don't have a spare key?MRS F I did have… But… As Mr Pailhole kept losing his keys, I kept having

to give him my spares and...4th VOICE Hello...OTHERS Hello...4th VOICE So? Shall I start?2nd VOICE Wait. We need another witness.1st VOICE Miss VERGNE! Miss VERGNE, would you mind coming up here for a

moment?MISS V. Hello...1st VOICE (he goes up one floor and knocks on the door) Mr Aubert... Would

you mind coming down for a moment?VOICE MR A. Hello...1st VOICE Mr Aubert lives on the third floor, right above. For ten days, he’s

heard no noise, nothing. Except the answering machine that records the calls.

SERGEANT Have you ever met your downstairs neighbour?VOICE MR A. Not really. I have only been here three months. And

unfortunately our paths never crossed.MISS V. I sometimes heard him playing the saxophone...MR A. Me too.MISS V. But for the last two weeks or so, I haven't heard it anymore.MR A. Nor me.4th VOICE So? Shall I start?SERGEANT Yes... Ladies... Gentlemen... We will proceed to break the lock…MRS F. Oh! My goodness! Please be careful…

The lock is broken into from the outside. We can hear the tools and comments.

-It's true that…-I think that with this smell...-I always said that...-Pardon?-Mr Moricerti... Mr Moricerti...-Maybe we should have phoned first...-This is Sergeant Poulain...-Oh! All right...-Mum, come quickly...

The lock is dismantled. The locksmith tries to push the door.

-Hmm… It’s stuck on something.

As the door is forced, it hits a chair. A basket placed on the chair falls to the ground and a few dozen apples scatter in the room.No-one enters.The room stays empty, dimly lit by the ray of light coming from the door.


A strong smell of apples invades the theatre and you can hear a saxophone playing, in the distance, somewhere.

THE END


Plays by Matéi Visniec available in English

- Old Clown wanted (Petit boulot pour vieux clown) – Editions Actes Sud Papiers, 1998

- Horses at the Window (Les chevaux à la fenêtre) – Editions Crater, 1996

- Pockets full of Bread (Du pain, plein les poches) – Editions Actes Sud Papiers, 2004

- Three Nights with Madox (Trois nuits avec Madox) – Editions Lansman, 1995

- The Body of a Woman as a Battlefield in the Bosnian War (Du sexe de la femme comme champ de bataille dans la guerre en Bosnie) – Editions Actes Sud Papiers, 1997

- How to explain the History of Communism to Mental Patients (L'Histoire du communisme racontée au maladies mentaux) – Editions Lansman, 2000

- The King, the Rat and the King's Fool (Le Roi, le Rat et le Fou du Roi) – Editions Lansman, 2002

- What shall we do with the Cello? (Mais qu'est-ce qu'on fait du violoncelle ?) – Editions Crater, 1999

- Paparazzi or Chronicle of an aborted Sunrise (Paprazzi ou la chronique d'un lever de soleil avorté) – Actes Sud Papiers, 1997

- The Chekhov Machine (La machine Tchékhov)

- The Word Progress on my Mother's Lips doesn't ring true (Le mot progrès dans la bouche de ma mère sonnait terriblement faux)



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