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22
Somewhere. Somehow. Sometime.
I know the sun will yet shine.
Somewhere it will still happen,
Somehow it can come true,
Dreams do turn realities,
Sometimes surprises He does do.
And although my wishes remain just that,
That I dream, though not in my sleep,
There are no excuses to lose hope,
To get downhearted, discouraged and weak.
Somewhere. Somehow. Sometime.
Though the script remains unknown,
I’m aware the curtains are presently drawn,
Soon the true act will kindly be shown.
And so I renew my faith each day,
Hope my hopes anew,
I know that sometime can be tomorrow,
Sometimes surprises He does do.
Dearest Sisters,
Welcome to the Butterfly Magazine, written by single mothers, for single mothers. Though
we come from different backgrounds and cities, we are united by our circumstance. We
are from the chosen women that Hashem deemed worthy of this very difficult task; of be-
ing mother and father to our precious children. We are the licht benchers and the kiddush
makers, we are the challah bakers and menorah lighters, we are the disciplinarians and the
huggers.
Most of the time, we are doing a great job at it all. We smile, even when our hearts may be
crying at times. We succeed to project strength and optimisim to those around us, including
those struggling just like us.
And so, we take this opportunity to connect. To join one another and strengthen each other.
For we have a tremendous amount of inner strength, or we wouldn’t be managing our enor-
mous struggles. With the help of one another, we will have more courage to continue the
incredible job that we already are doing.
Dear Sisters, Purim is almost upon us. What an opportune time for us to convey the bracha
that we wish most upon you. That the light enter your darkness, and happiness dispel misery.
That your heart expand with the salvation of Hashem, and that all problems in your life turn
out to be the greatest salvations you have ever witnessed. Hang in there. You may just be
singing Al Hanisim sooner than you think!!
Wishing you all the best - all the time!!
Sister to Sister
21 Shonny Court
Lakewood, New Jersey 08701
Email: [email protected]
P.S. We’d love your articles, poems, questions and inspiration. We are all waiting to share
and connect.
3
4
t was a crisp, winter evening,not so cold as to make the
outdoors uninviting, but frostyenough to encourage even the mostanti-zipper personality to fasten hiscoat and wrap up tightly against thefrigid winds. Having spent most ofthe day outside of my home, I wasespecially glad to be indoors on thisparticular evening, enjoying my teain quiet while I worked out thedetails of my Purim schedule. Whichis exactly what I was doing when Iheard the startling noise.
I rushed to the window, where Icould almost see a squalling windrolling through the treetops,cracking every dried-up branch andsending all sorts of unfastenedobjects thrashing into walls andcars. Suddenly, a huge gust of aircame hurtling down the street,shrieking as it zigzagged directlytowards my home. Riding on theroaring wind was Mrs. Skepticherself, who strangely seemed to beenjoying the frantic ride. With awave of her hand, the wind ceasedits shrill ranting, gently placing Mrs.Skeptic right inside the doors of myhome.
“Well, look what the wind blewin!” I muttered to nobody inparticular, wishing I had glued onthose protective foams that seal outthe winds. By the time I was ready tosit down, it was clear that Mrs.Skeptic was not going to wait for aninvitation to make herselfcomfortable. Already, she had settledexpansively into my favorite easychair, leaving only the regular couchfor my humble self. Then and there, Imade the decision to hear her outfully and completely, before sendingher along forcefully to a place of noreturn.
“Why on earth did you cancel thatsecular magazine subscription?”Mrs. Skeptic sneered. “So what if
some of the pages compromise yourTorah values? It is captivating andstimulating; educational, even!What, are you becoming one of thoseclosed-minded fanatics who don’tknow how to relate to the outsideworld?”
I sighed. I had heard thesearguments before and was tired ofexplaining my position. Mrs. Skepticwas not really interested in my logic.In fact, for every rationalexplanation, Mrs. Skeptic had aquestion that threatened toundermine the very foundation ofmy thoughts. “Oh, Mrs. Skeptic,” Imoaned, “go away. I don’t even wantto see your face ever again. Is thatclear?”
Riding on the roaring wind wasMrs. Skeptic herself, whostrangely seemed to beenjoying the frantic ride. With awave of her hand, the windceased its shrill ranting.
I
Shterna Ginsberg
A TempestuousArgument
Blowing away the opposition
5
“Ha!” Her laugh resonated deepwithin my heart, sending shiversdown my spine. “You don’t reallymean that, I know. That’s how italways is with you. You invite meinto your home and then you wish I’dnever come! You know that youinvited me today when you passedby the window shops and peeredinside longingly at the displays. Ofcourse you remember, don’t you?”
I did remember. But still, now Iwanted her out. “Listen, Mrs. Skeptic,I may entertain you at times, but wewill soon be entering the Jewishmonth of Adar, and when Purimcomes you are going to be out of mylife forever!”
“Well, in the meantime, could youtell me what was wrong with thatskirt you tried on today? You reallywanted it, I could tell. What’s thisbusiness about it being too short?Have you been on the streets lately?Don’t you have eyes? Well, in caseyou didn’t notice, I will tell you thatEVERYBODY is wearing those skirts,and I do mean Everybody. That is,everybody who is a Somebody, andyou most certainly don’t want to be aNobody, which you might be if youdon’t act like Everybody!”
On a different night I might nothave had the energy to tackle Mrs.skeptic on my own. (On such nights Iquickly call my Rebbetzin’semergency hotline from which thereis such a strong sense of clarity, ittotally blows Mrs. Skeptic away!) But
here we were just entering themonth of Adar and the message ofMordechai HaTzaddik flashed beforemy eyes like a powerful source ofenergy in its own right.
“Mordechai HaTzaddik did noteven move a muscle in the face ofHaman’s idol. Everybody else bowedin submission, but MordechaiHaTzaddik stood particularly erect —fanatically stiff, even.”
Mrs. Skeptic was sitting on theedge of her chair, breathing heavily. Iknew I was on the right track. “Doyou realize that for all practicalappearances, the entire danger tothe Jewish people might have beenunnecessary? It all began withHaman’s wrath against the stubbornJew who would not budge one iotafrom his values and principles! That — ”
Mrs. Skeptic interrupted me rightthere. “So you see, it is not good to betoo extreme! You need to be moreopen-minded, more flexible, moreconforming to society at large. Inshort: You need to be r-e-a-l-i-s-t-i-c.” This last word was rolled off Mrs.Skeptic’s tongue as if it containedthe magical answer to all of life’sdilemmas.
“Mordechai HaTzaddik was veryrealistic, Mrs. Skeptic,” I shot back.“He just had a different reality thanyou do. He was identified as being aYehudi, a relative of his great-uncle,the progenitor of shevet Yehudah.”
A loud hissing filled the room at
the mere mention of Yehudah’sname — Mrs. Skeptic instantly lost agreat deal of her hot air. She knewthat Yehudah was the one who stoodup to the “Egyptian viceroy” whothreatened Binyamin. All the sons ofYaakov bowed to the man who wastheir brother in disguise, acceptinghim simply as Pharaoh’s second-in-command. They were overwhelmedby the strength of his ruling positionand humbled in his royal presence.Yet when Binyamin was takencaptive, Yehudah laid aside all of hispersonal inhibition and all protocol.He stormed forward and firmlydemanded the immediate release ofBinyamin. Mrs. Skeptic knew all ofthis, which was reason enough forher to feel a sense of defeat.
“I just remembered a veryimportant detail,” I said withenthusiasm, buoyed by Mrs. Skeptic’sdeflated aura. “Mordechai HaTzaddikwas the first individual to beidentified as a Yehudi. His courageousdetermination to uphold Torahvalues in a most extreme way waslinked to the great Yehudah who, toprotect a sacred value, dared tostamp his foot and say ‘no’ to asupreme authority.”
“I don’t know why you are gettingso sidetracked with this whole ideaof Mordechai being identified as aJew, after the illustrious Yehudahwho also stood firm in the protectionof his convictions. Let’s not talkabout Mordechai, and let’s not talk
about Yehudah. Let’s talk about you.You’re just a regular lady here in thegrand city of New York, so just getwith the program, will ya?”
I suddenly felt weak and weary.Mrs. Skeptic was, in a certain way,right on target. I knew then, as Iknow now, that I am just a regularperson who embraces the total Torahwhile struggling with little details. (Ieven entertain Mrs. Skeptic onoccasion, though I wish I wouldn’t betempted to.) But this time, thestrength of chodesh Adar empoweredme to send Mrs. Skeptic flying.
“Look here,” I said with conviction,“since the time of MordechaiHaTzaddik, every descendant ofYaakov Avinu is called by the nameof Yehudah, because although thepeople could have saved their livesby doing so, not even one individualcompromised his faith by agreeing toconvert! Mordechai HaTzaddikinspired an attitude of firmadherence to Torah values that wasas fanatical as it was realistic.”
I stood up to tower above Mrs.Skeptic, who jumped up and ran outinto the cold night as I neared. I
called out after her retreating back, “Icarry the legacy of MordechaiHaTzaddik, along with the spirit ofhis passion, and though I maystruggle at times, and here and thereI may slip and stumble, I, too, refuseto be moved by the pressures ofsociety that are not consistent withHashem’s truth. As Yehudah bravelyand completely protected Binyamin,I am determined to protect my soul.”
With renewed vitality, I returnedto my still-warm tea, and with zeal,continued working on my Purimschedule. B
Reprinted with Permission from Binah Magazine. Copyright 2007, All rights reserved.
6
THE WORLD
FAMOUS STORY
OF PURIM by Meish Goldish
The story of Purim is an international tale.
King Achashverosh was Finnish with his dis-
obedient wife Vashti. “You Congo now!” he ordered
her. After she had Ghana way, the king’s messengers went
Roman the land to find a new queen. And India end, the
beautiful Esther won the crown.
Meanwhile, Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the
Chile Haman would Czech up on him daily.
“I Haiti you because you refuse to bow to me!” Haman
scolded Mordechai. “USA very stubborn man. You Jews
are such Bahamas! If you keep this up, Denmark my
words! I will have all your people killed! Just Kuwait and
see, you Turkey! “
Mordechai went into mourning and tore his clothes-a
custom known as Korea. He urged Esther to plead with the
king.
The Jews fasted for three days and grew very Hungary. Es-
ther approached the king and asked, ‘Kenya Belize come to
a banquet I’ve prepared for you and Haman?” At the feast,
she invited her guests to a second banquet to eat Samoa.
The king asked, “Esther, why Jamaica big meal like this?
Just tell me what you want. Unto half my United Kingdom
will I give you.” Esther replied, “Spain full for me to say
this, but Haman is Russian to kill my people.”
Haman’s loud Wales could be heard as he carried Hon-
duran this scene. “Oman!” Haman cried bitterly. “Iraq
mybrains in an effort to destroy the Jews. But that sneaky
Mordechai - Egypt me! “
Haman and his ten sons were hanged and went immediately
to the Netherlands. And to Sweden the deal, the Jews were
allowed to Polish off the rest of their foes as well.
“You lost your enemies and Uganda friend,” the king
smiled.
And that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle. God
decided to China light on His chosen people.
So now, let’s celebrate! Forget all your Syria’s business and
just be happy! Serb up some wine and Taiwan on! Happy
Purim!!!
Sister To Sister
Calendar
of Events
SUPPORT GROUP SCHEDULE
Boro Park Support Group
Date: March 17 2008-Boro Park
Location: 2127 59th Street-ground floor
Time: 9:00 PM
Flatbush Support Group
Date: March 12th at 9 pm
Please call the office to confirm
732-942-7120
Five Towns Support Group
Date: Mar 4th
Location: 3221 Skillman Ave
Time: 8:15 PM
Monsey Support Group
Date: Mar 3, Apr 7
Location: 7 Villa Ln Wesley Hills, NY
Time: 8:15 PM
PURIM PARTY
Purim night in Five Towns
please email [email protected] for
details
SISTER TO SISTER
EVENING OF INSPIRATION
Date: Tues, Mar 11
Location: Bais Brocha Hall
Time:8:15 PM
Featuring:
Shaindy Kleinman, speaker
Brocha Jaffe with Alana Farbstien live, in
concert
CHOL HAMOED CONCERT
Date: April 22
Location: Shulamith High School
Stay tuned for details
From the roof of his home,
Haman removed a pillar 200 feet high,
To hang from it his greatest foe,
Our ancestor Mordechai.
He had evil plans, servants to perform,
And much money at his disposal,
Yet the pillar of truth stood erect and proud,
And awaited Charvona’s proposal.
The wicked did hang from his very own gallow,
Which he erected with his very own hands,
And it was on that exact day,
In accord with his very own plans.
Generations later, descendents of Mordechai,
At times feel dejected and down,
We wonder why falsehood is standing so tall,
And truth is nowhere to be found.
We put in so much effort to remain honest,
We’re struggling a great battle indeed,
For it seems there is so much falsehood in this world,
And it seems that it always succeeds.
And it may be so, there may be others in our life,
Trying to hurt us, they’re plotting away,
But they’re throwing the dice of their very own lives,
For the pillar is there to stay.
They can temporarily make things difficult,
They may seem to ruin our lives,
But if we keep our eyes raised toward the gallows,
We will be in for a surprise.
For those that stick with the truth
Will end up with crown and thrown,
And the evil will be hung for all to see.
And the truth will surely be known.
7
PILLAR OF TRUTH
In our complex divorced life, this poem resonates strongly within. Yes, there
are times that we are tremendously tested when we stick to the quiet, absolute
truth. It seems as if those screaming with falsehood drown us out. But we can
draw strenghth from the message of Purim. There is an Eternal Judge, and
there will come a time of “Venahapoch Hu”, when everything will be hanging
high from the gallows, open for all to see.
8
I. THE PERIOD PRECEDING PURIM
A. The Shabbos before Purim is Shabbos Zachor. The Ashke-
nazi minhag is that women also go to Shul in order to hear it. If a
woman missed it on Shabbos, she can go to Shul on Purim morn-
ing and hear Krias HaTorah then and be yotzeh the mitzvah of
zechiras Amalek.
B. Taanis Esther is different than other fast days:
1. A person who feels ill shouldn’t fast.
2. While the fast ends at Tzes Hakochavim, you shouldn’t
eat until after reading the Megillah. A person who finds it hard to
wait that long can have a snack.
3. In the afternoon, men give zecher lemachatzis hashekel.
The Ashkenazi minhag is that women don’t give.
C. A new sefer recently came out containing many of the piskei
halachos of Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt’l.
1. Even though “me’ikar hadin,” women do not have to
hear the reading of Parshas Zachor, nonetheless, it is proper for
women to go to hear it if possible.
2. The minhag is to give “machtzis hashekel” for girls and
women also.
3. Women and girls should also be careful not to eat
anything before the reading of the Megillah, both in the evening
and during the day. In cases of great need, they can have a small
snack.
II. GENERAL HALACHOS OF PURIM
A. It is proper to wear Shabbos clothing on Purim and to set the
table as you would for Shabbos.
B. You should refrain from doing unnecessary, involved work on
Purim.
1.This applies only to Purim day, not the night before.
2.The following is, however, allowed: Writing, work to
prevent a loss, work that doesn’t involve effort, and work done in
honor of Purim.
3. Some Poskim prohibit having a haircut on Purim. Cut-
ting your nails is permitted according to most Poskim.
C. It is questionable if women have an obligation to become intoxi-
cated. They ought to drink a bit of wine at least, however. Even
men can fulfill this obligation by drinking more than their normal
amount and then going to sleep. One may become merry by drink-
ing beverages other than wine.
D. Al Hanisim is added both in Birkas Hamazon and in Shem-
oneh Esreh. If you forget to say it, don’t repeat benching or daven-
ing.
E. Purim on Friday.
1. You may prepare for Shabbos as you normally do.
2. You may cut your fingernails before Shabbos.
3. It is proper to eat the seudah before midday.
III. READING THE MEGILLA.
A. Three brachos are said before the Megilla and one bracha af-
terwards.
1. When a man who has already heard the Megillah
reads again for women, the Mishna Brura says that the proper
bracha is “Lishmoa Mikra Megilla.” Other Poskim say that the
regular nusach should be said. It is best for each woman to make
this bracha for herself.
2. You should not speak during the bracha, nor answer
“Baruch Hu U’varuch Shmo.” You shouldn’t speak between the
end of the bracha and the beginning of the reading, nor between
the end of the reading and after the bracha.
3. When hearing the Shehechiyanu, you should have
in mind not only the mitzvah of the Megilla, but also Matanos
La’evyonim, mishloach manos and the seudah.
B. Women are obligated to hear the Megilla at night and during
the day.
C. According to Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, if a man who
has already heard the Megilla is reading for a group of women, the
proper thing to do would be for one of the women to make the bra-
chos for all the rest (and they should answer amen on the brachos).
The proper bracha for her to make is “l’shmoah Megilla.”
D. You can read or hear the Megilla while sitting. It is best to stand
when the brachos of the Megilla are said.
E. If you don’t have a kosher Megilla in front of you, you should
not read along with the reader, but should simply listen and follow
inside a Chumash.
F. The minhag is that everyone says the ‘aseres bnei Haman’ (Ha-
man’s ten sons). They should be said in one breath. There are four
psukim that are also read first by the congregation and then by the
Chazan: ‘ish Yehudi haya,’ ‘uMordechai yatza milifnei hamelech,’
‘laYehudim haysa,’ and the last pasuk of the Megillah.
G. There are also two psukim that the Chazon repeats because we
Basic Purim Halachos
9
are uncertain of their exact nusach.
H. The Megilla must be read or heard in its entirety and in the
correct order. If you missed even one word, you must hear the Me-
gilla again. Therefore, if you don’t hear something, you should
immediately read it yourself, even from a Chumash. The missed
part should be said loud enough to be heard.
I. You should refrain from speaking during the reading of the Me-
gilla.
IV. MISHLOAH MANOS, MATANOS L’EVYONIM, AND THE PURIM
MEAL.
A. These Mitzvohs should be done on Purim itself and not be-
forehand.
1. Women are obligated to fulfill these Mitzvohs as well
as men.
2. Mishloach Manos should be done only man to man or
woman to woman.
3. Matanos L’evyonim may be given from a woman to a
man and vice versa.
B. Mishloach Manos: Send at least two different types of food to
one person.
1. The foods may be solid, liquid, or a combination of
both.
2. The food should be ready for consumption upon ar-
rival.
3. Canned foods may be sent.
4. Some Poskim say that it is necessary to put each gift in
a separate container, but R’ Moshe said that this isn’t necessary.
5. As far as the main Mitzvah goes, you should send only
to a person with whom some previous friendship existed.
6. The receiver must be aware of the identity of the send-
er.
7. It is traditional to send the Manos via a messenger
(even a minor may be used for this), but this isn’t required (Cha-
zon Ish and R’ Moshe).
8. The Manos should be sent on Purim day and not at
night.
C. Matanos L’evyonim: To be given to at least two poor people.
1. You can appoint a messenger (before or during Purim)
to give the food or money for you on the day of Purim. If a woman
wants another man to give for her, it is better that he have this
specifically in mind when he gives the money. He should simply
inform her that he is doing so.
2. You should be certain that the money that you are giving is your
own.
3. It isn’t necessary for the poor person to know the iden-
tity of the sender (nor does he have to know that it is Matanos
L’evyonim).
4. You should give to people celebrating Purim on the same day
as you are.
5. Many Poskim say that the definition of an “evyon” is anyone
who has less than he requires for his support.
6. Even though the rule on Purim is that “kol haposhet yad nosnim
lo,” this is not considered as matanos la’evyonim.
7. Many Poskim say that you should give enough money for a
minimal Purim meal (bread).
8.Maaser money should not be used for this, but you can use
Maaser money to supplement the minimum amount if you want
to give more.
D. The Purim festive meal should be eaten during the day and
not at night.
1. It is proper to have a larger-than-normal supper Purim
eve. Some people refrain from eating meat that evening.
2. The Purim day meal must contain bread. According
to Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, drinking grape juice is not
sufficient; wine should be used. Some Poskim say that you must
eat beef and not just poultry. You aren’t required to eat what you
dislike, but should at least drink a bit of wine in memory of the
miracle. If wine is bad for your health, you don’t have to drink it.
3. Candles should be lit (without a bracha) in honor of
the meal.
4. Some people have a minhag to eat chickpeas on Pu-
rim.
E. The following halachos apply if you go from one place to an-
other:
1. A resident of a place outside Jerusalem who goes to
Jerusalem on the day of Shushan Purim has none of the obligations
of a Jerusalem resident. If he goes the 14th of Adar and spends
Shushan Purim in Jerusalem, he has the obligations of a Jerusalem
resident.
2. A resident of Jerusalem who goes somewhere else on
the 13th/14th of Adar has the obligations of a non-Jerusalem resi-
dent. If he returns to Jerusalem on the 14th, he has the additional
obligations of a Jerusalem resident.
Taken from www.yoy.org.il, Rav Balanson
Halachas Reviewed by Rabbi Yissoschor Dov Webster
Pack that Mishloach Manos, make sure it’s correct,
And did you hear the megilla yet?
How much Matanos Le’evyonim must we give to the poor?
What about fasting on Taanis Esther, and so much more.
So here are some halachos, to answer the questions for you,
Just remeber that Simchas Purim means adding happiness to all that you do!
10
SolutionsforSinglesDear Single Sisters,
We all have struggles that need solutions.
We also might have the solution for anoth-
er mother’s struggle. Please take the time
to write to us with your ideas that we can
print it in the next issue. We’d also love to
help you with any issue for which you are
looking for a solution.
•I am up to the point that I belong thinking about Shid-
duchim. I want so badly to be married. But each time I’m
about to take a serious step, I think, Who needs it? Yes, I
am lonely, and yes, it’s hard to raise the children alone, but
who has strength to start a whole new marriage and putting
in all the effort to make it work?
Thank you so much to our sisters who
replied to the last issue’s questions!
Please keep on sending them in, we
are all waiting to hear from you!!
•I have an eight-year-old son who refuses
to go to shul. I have worked very hard to
find different men to take him, it’ll work
for a few weeks, and then he’ll refuse. He
says he has no father with him in shul, he’s
not going. Solution Anyone?
I would suggest that an uncle, cousin, older brother, grandfa-
ther or even a caring neighbor can go with your son to shul
and make it a happy, enriching experience for him. If you
don’t have any of the above, perhaps a neighborhood Rabbi
would be willing or even his Rebbe from yeshivah. Anyone
who teaches a youngster Torah is considered like a father
to the boy. Try reminding your son that HASHEM is our
father and Hashem loves him and misses him if he’s not in
shul! Sara
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Dear Sister,
There are some shuls that have programs just for the boys.
See if you can find one in the neighborhood and have some-
one bring him there. When there is a group of boys, he will
feel much more like everyone else. It’s not only him that’s
there without his father - they all are. This really helped my
son, and maybe it’ll help yours. Shifra
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Hi. I have a 9 year old boy, 12 year old girl and a 13 year
old boy. I demand that they go to shul with me every week
and when they are with their father, they go to shul with him
(different shuls). My 9 year old tried to not go but I would
not accept this. Now (one year later) he loves to go to shul
because he helps with the “little kids”.
Sister - you got to be strong. You have to take him shul.
K - Long Beach
•I have five children ranging from 2 un-
til 12. I separated two years ago and still
do not have a Get. My older children are
questioning me why I am only separated
and not divorced. Not wanting to bad-
mouth their father, what should I answer
them?
My dear sister,
You are going through a difficult and challenging period in
your life. Raising a family single handed is no easy task
especially with all of the additional challenges and obstacles
you are personally faced with. But I do know you have the
courage and strength to do it!! Give yourself credit for where
credit is due!
Here is a brief idea regarding how to respond to your chil-
dren when they question you as to why you do not have
your Get.
You can explain to your children that everyone in life has
various challenges and tribulations. Some people have chil-
dren that are not well; some people do not have parents (you
can bring in stories or examples). Right now, you are given
a test from Hashem which is that you are waiting for your
Get from their father. You hope that one day very soon,
the Get will come, but it is all in Hashem’s hands. This is
11
a broad answer without responding directly to the question
and bad-mouthing their father. You would need to tailor it
according to your children’s ages. Remember, children do
not have to know everything - although they definitely want
to! On a different note, I do believe that the truth prevails
and eventually your children will see the light shining before
their eyes. However, at this point in time, you can try to
address their inquiry in a broad way without going into too
much detail about the specifics of the situation. I wish you
hatzlocha and hope to hear great news from you soon!
With warmest wishes, your sister,
Nechama from Brooklyn
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
•
It can be explained that a Get takes time because there are
many details involved in working out. Just like a book re-
port for school takes time to prepare, and a lot of thinking
as well, this also takes time. But it is a much longer story
and harder to figure out than a book report so it may take
much longer. S.P.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
•
The period without a Get is one of the most difficult times
that a person can go through. I bless you that you merit
to it soon. You can’t imagine how much easier life will get
afterwards. I had my children questioning me all the time,
and I constantly blamed it on the Beis Din. Each time I
told them that it takes a long time in Beis Din and soon we
will have another meeting to discuss it again. I managed to
keep them more or less at bay for two and a half years. And
you’d be surprised how happy they were when I did actually
get it. It was like a Yom Tov in the house. C. Shreiber
•My 12-year-old son refuses to eat at
anyone else’s house, saying that he’s old
enough to be the man of the house, making
Kiddush etc. I feel like my other children
need eating at other people’s homes, as it
is important for them to see a two-parent
family. Should I stay home for my son at
the expense of my other children?
I would be very proud of such a son! I think it is wonderful for
your children to see that the oldest young man takes such ini-
tiative. You might want to speak to your son and let him know
that you love having him make kiddush and you would like to
alternate Shabbosim, one at home with him and his siblings
and the next Shabbos at a friend’s house because you like to
see
your friends too. You can also ask your friends to let your
son make kiddush for your family when you are at their
house for the Shabbos meal. That way you can both have
what you need. He needs to do this for the family, children
feel helpless to do anything when parents Get divorced. This
can help him cope and feel that he is helpingin his own spe-
cial way. Even if you are at friends it will do a world of good
to allow your 12 year old to continue making Kiddush!
•I Baruch Hashem have friends offering
to invite me for Shabbos. The only prob-
lem is that they only invite me on Thurs-
day, while I begin worrying about Shab-
bos early on in the week. I have to know
if someone will invite me, because if not I
have to call someone to ask them if I can
come. Any ideas?
Dear Beloved Sister,
In response to your question regarding how to handle late
Shabbos invitations, my simple suggestion would be to be
up front with your host/hostesses. Upon receiving an invi-
tation late in the week, you can politely inform your “po-
tential” hosts in a cordial manner that you generally plan
your Shabbos by Monday or Tuesday and this is because it
involves a lot of coordination and planning on your part (i.e.
kids arrangements, shopping, etc). You would therefore ap-
preciate if they can let you know ahead of time so that you
can plan accordingly. Tell them that you would love to join
them but you made plans for that particular Shabbos. Ask
them if you can take a rain check for the following Shabbos.
If you would be more comfortable sending a written commu-
nication, you can convey your thoughts in words via a brief
note, e-mail or card.
I wish you many future early Shabbos invitations and joy-
ous Shabbosim to come.
With warmest wishes, Your sister, Nechama
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Try speaking frankly with your friends. Let them know it is
hard on you being alone and you therefore feel more secure
if your Shabbos plans are intact by Tuesday. Let them know
how much you appreciate their hospitality and how much
you like them as friends. If they really can’t tell you earlier
for whatever reason, smile and say that you are Getting very
popular nowadays and everyone wants to invite you. They
need to let you know early if they want to have a chance at
having the pleasure of your company. I’m just kidding about
that last part but you can actually say that and add that
they are your favorite friends to spend Shabbos with so you
prefer if they let you know as early
as possible!
12
CHILD TAX CREDITS
You may be able to claim a child tax credit if
you have a qualifying child.
A child is your qualifying child if the child:
• Is a citizen, resident, or national of the
United States,
• Is under age 17 at the end of the calendar
year in which your tax year begins,
• Is your son, daughter, stepson, stepdaughter, legally ad-
opted child (or a child lawfully placed with you for legal
adoption), brother, sister, stepbrother, stepsister, foster child
placed with you by an authorized placement agency or by a
court order, or a descendant of any such person,
• Shares with you the same principal place of abode for more
than one-half of the tax year, or is treated as your qualifying
child under the special rule for parents who are divorced,
separated, or living apart, and
• Is not treated as the qualifying child of another taxpayer
under the special rule for two or more taxpayers claiming a
qualifying child or the special rule for parents who are di-
vorced, separated, or living apart.
The credit is limited if your modified adjusted gross income is
above a certain amount. The amount at which this phase-out
begins depends on your filing status.
The child tax credit also is limited by the sum of your regular
income tax liability and any alternative minimum tax liability,
minus the sum of certain credits. However, if the amount of
your child tax credit is limited by the amount of your income
tax liability, you may be able to claim an “ad-
ditional” child tax credit if your earned income
exceeds the base amount for the year. Also, if
you have 3 or more qualifying children, you may
be able to claim an additional child tax credit
up to the amount of the social security taxes
you paid during the year, less any
earned income credit you receive.
The total amount of the child tax
credit and any additional child
tax credit cannot exceed the maxi-
mum amount allowed for the tax-
able year.
Individuals entitled to receive the child tax credit and addi-
tional child tax credit may also be eligible to receive the child
and dependent care credit and the earned income credit.
The Tax $eason is here...
$$
$
Overheard:“It was one of the worst days of my life:The washing machine broke down, the telephone kept ringing, my head ached, and the mail carrier brought a bill I had no money to pay. Almost to the break-ing point, I lifted my one-year-old into his high chair, leaned my head against the tray, and began to cry. Without a word, my son took his pacifier out of his mouth, and stuck it in mine.”
13
I am a sunflower.I am a sunflower.I turn towards the sun I turn towards the sun to soak up her warmth. to soak up her warmth. And when she goes down, And when she goes down, my head falls too.my head falls too.
I am your child.I am your child.I turn towards youI turn towards youto soak in your support.to soak in your support.When you shine upon meWhen you shine upon meI lift myself upI lift myself upto face you.to face you.And when you fall,And when you fall,I do to.I do to.
I am a Sunflower
Purim is drawing nearer, and nearer each day,
“I don’t know what to do for Shalach Manos!”, did I hear you say?
So we’re glad to present you with a list, a menu from which to choose,
Different ideas we’ve collected, you can decide which one to use.
You can mix and match, and play around,
Till the perfect idea you feel you’ve found.
We tried to make them cost-effective, although the price does vary,
Choose the one that suits your taste and pocket, but please don’t tarry.
For that day is almost here, yes Purim is drawing near,
And all us sisters are waiting to see what you’re giving out this year!
1. Cheese, crackers & grapes on a wooden cutting board
2. Cookies sent on a disposable tray with mini honey sticks and tea bags with nice nap-
kins
3. Mini fruits stacked in a cheap vase with individually wrapped chocolates
4. Disposable artist’s palette with different colors of sugar-topped cookies (arranged like paints)
around a small bottle of wine/grape juice
5. Mini pizza in a disposable nice pan with small soda wrapped in cellophane with green, red
and white ribbon (colors of italy)
6. Cold Cuts in roll, with pickle, ketchup packet, and soda can
7. Croissant rolls in a wicker basket on red and white checkered material with a pretty water
bottle in the center and two small jellies
8. Apple Kugel, apple salad/compote, apple juice
9. Cherry turnovers with cherry liquor
10. Vegetable trifle: purple cabbage, carrots, corn, etc. topped with green sprouts, with roll
11. Homemade Challah and wine (perfect for Erev Shabbos)
12. Three plastic disc containers (different sizes), each one filled with different color cut up
melon, stack, and tie a pretty matching ribbon around all
13. Soft Pretzels (make your challah recepie in this shape) and wine
14. Two soups in a tray (like from the bagel store). In the middle tie two spoons in a pretty
ribbon, some breadsticks in a ribbon, and some croutons in a cellphane bag, with a match-
ing napkin.
15. Bagel, spread, salad / onion rolls with lox / roll and tuna salad
16. Chocolate chip cookies and a chocolate milk, in an oven mitt.
17. Cheese muffins with mini coffe cup and coffee beans
Mishloach Manos Menu
14
15
Chocolate is good for you! That’s right. Cocoa powder
and dark chocolate may protect against heart disease.
Cocoa has been shown to modestly reduce LDL oxi-
dation and increase HDL levels. The once prevalent
belief that if something tastes so good, it can’t possibly
be good for you, has been replaced by a new picture
of chocolate and cocoa products and their relation to
sound health and nutrition.
Researchers conducted many studies on the
relationship between dark chocolate and heart disease.
The main flavonoids in cocoa are flavan-3-ols and
procyanidins. These are powerful antioxidants. They
provide a variety of benefits such as antioxidant protec-
tion and they assist in maintaining vascular homeo-
stasis. The British Medical Journal suggests having
100 grams of dark chocolate every day. This amount
has been shown to reduce blood pressure in men and
women. Chocolate has been shown to reduce heart
disease by 21%.
Most of the chocolate that is available today is
made from highly processed cocoa beans. The high
temperature used to sweeten the chocolate decreases
the amount of phytochemicals left in the chocolate.
Try using unsweetened cocoa for maximum health
benefits. The darker the chocolate, the more flavinols
it contains and it increases your heart healthy benefits
by reducing your risk of fatal blood clots.
One third of the fat in dark chocolate is composed
of oleic acid. This monounsaturated fatty acid can also
be found in olive oil. This helps maintain cardiovas-
cular health. Another benefit of chocolate is its noted
positive effect on mood.
Chocolate is best tasted on an empty stomach.
Chocolate should be stored at 66-77 degrees Fahren-
heit. Do not store chocolates in the refrigerator for it
will cause the cocoa to separate. A couple of servings
per week at an ounce each is enough to indulge with-
out the bulge.
Decadent Chocolate Muffins2 cups all purpose flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 Tbs baking powder
2 tsp salt
1-2 cups mini sweet chocolate chips
1 cup sugar
2 cups applesauce
1 large egg
1 cup warm soy milk
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Combine the flour, cocoa powder, sugar, baking
powder, chocolate chips and salt. In a small bowl beat
the egg until foamy. Add in the soy milk and apple
sauce. Combine the two mixtures, blending until the
mixture is just moist.
3. Spoon the batter into lightly greased muffin cups,
filling them 3/4 full. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until a
toothpick inserted into the center of one muffin comes
out clean. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for 5 min-
utes. Remove muffins from rack and allow to cool
completely before serving.
Health Corn
erCHOCOHOLIC
DIG IN!By: Shani Goldner MS RD CDN CFI
A truly relieving article to read before the Pruim nosh begins...
16
Hamantashen!Hamantashen!1 cup margarine, room temperature
•I cup sugar
•2 eggs, beaten
•1/4 cup orange juice
•3.5 cups flour
•1/2 teaspoon baking powder
•1/2 teaspoon baking soda
•1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• grated rind of one lemon
Cream together margarine and sugar until fluffy.
Stir in remaining ingredients in order given.
Divide dough into three parts and, on a floured
surface, roll out each part 1/8 inch thick. Cut
into 2 inch rounds. Put a heaped teaspoonful of
filling in center of each round. Fold 3 sides over,
pinching edges together to form a triangle. Place
on a greased cookie sheet and bake in preheated
350 degree oven for 25 minutes or until golden.
Yields about 36 hamantashen.
PRUNE OR APRICOT FILLING
•1 pound punes, pitted, or dried apricot
•1/3 cup raisins
•2/3 cup chopped nuts (optional)
•4 Tablespoons lemon juice
•1/2 cup apricot jam
•pinch of nutmeg
•pinch of cinnamon
To pit prunes, soak them in boiling water to cov-
er for 20 minutes, then remove pits and drain
prunes well. Chop fruit in food processor or by
hand. Stir in remaining ingredients.
DATE FILLING
•2 cups pitted dates, chopped
• 1/2 cup raisins
•1/2 cup chopped nutes
• grated rind of 1 orange
•1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
Combine all ingredients in a food processor or by
hand.
Reprinted with permission from Classic Kosher Cooking
JAM FILLING
Do it the simple way! Make the above recipe and
fill it with your favorite store bought jam!
17
1. Pizza Deliverymen
•Buy white aprons and iron on sheets. Iron on any name
you chose and a picture of a man making pizza. •Go dol-
lar store hunting for red pizza wheel, spatula and a rolling
pin and put them in the pocket.
•Tie red fabric around the neck.
•From the pizza store try to get pizza boxes to hold.
•For the really young kids use Hanes T Shirt instead of
an apron.
•Mishloach manos for the kids, french fries containers
filled with nosh, red and white popcorn box, or a mini
pizza box with homemade pizza inside.
2. Magicians
•Buy black fabric to make a cape, and a small stuffed
bunny (dollar store) and pin it to the cape.
•A dowel painted black, ends dipped in white
•Black shirt and skirt/pants
•A black top hat
•Mishloach manos for the kids
was in a popcorn red and white
container
3. Painters
•White aprons and cap, sprinkle
with colorful paint
• Hold paint cans, and a mixing
stick (try Sherwin Williams)
•Either white clothes, or any
other solid color
•Home-made pallete to hold,
optional
• Mishloach Manos in small
empty paint cans, or pallet (see
Mishloach Manos idea #6)
4. Maids
• Buy shower caps. A very nice
option is to cover it with black fabric and put on white
eyelet trim.
• Making aprons can be easy. Buy heavy off white fabric
and put on eyelet trim all around. Make sure to leave a
belt.
• In dollar store pick up a pail, dust mop, a small broom,
and a black and white rag to drape it over the rim of the
pail.
•Mishloach manos in garbage cans
5. Snowman
• White clothes, socks and shoes. An extra winter hat,
scarf and mittens.
•Use white spray paint to gently spray hat, scarf and mit-
tens, as if they are covered with snow.
•Glue large pom-poms or buttons on clothes
•White make-up on face
•Mishloach Manos in toy shovel and pail (made to play
in sand with)
6. Construction Workers
•Buy orange vests (Walmart) and put on reflector tape.
•Make a belt and put on some tools
•Buy a construction cap (sunglasses optional)
•Wear solid color underpieces
•Mishloach manos in an inverted cap
7. Mail Man
• Clothes are navy and navy
•Buy large navy bags and and put across the chest
•Get priority mail large size envelope in the Post Office
•Mishloach Manos in manilla envelope
8. Shmita Scarecrow
•Over sized flannel shirt, faded blue pants/skirt with
patches, rope for belt.
•Fill up the clothes and leave little bit of straw to hang
out
It’s Dress-up Time!It’s dress-up time, oh what fun,Join in the spirit everyone!Here are some ideas from us to you,They’re cute and original, and cheap too.
We hope this list will be of use,Bakers, painters, and candies, it’s up to you to choose.And then we’ll masquarade, and pick a winner here,Please send in your pictures of your children so dear.
18
•Hold a sign on a stick: “Hefker”
•Mishloach Manos: basket of fruit and/or veg-
etable
9. Baker
•Buy aprons and decorate them with whatever
name bakery you choose.
•Tie red cloth around the neck, and red material
in the pocket.
•Stick a rolling pin and anything else the dollar
store provides in the pocket.
•Make baker’s hats from white oaktag and tissue
paper
•Mishloach manos: Chocolate chip cookies in a
white bakery box with a chocolate milk.
10. Piece of Lego
•Take a rectangle box and cut out holes on the
sides for the arms, and on the top center for the
head
•With hot glue, attach six upside down empty
cans on the top of the box in two rows
•Paint/spraypaint the whole thing any color you choose
•Dress in completely solid clothes, based on the color of
the lego piece, including painted face
11. Smiley Face
• Dress completely in black
• Cut out two large ovals from yellow oaktag
• Cut out face from
black felt and hot glue
it on
•Glue two elastic
strips from front oak-
tag to back oaktag
•Make smiley hat
•Mishloach Manos
in smiley mug, basket,
bag, etc.
And of course, our very own...
12. Butterfly
•Black clothes
• Cut out two wings from oaktag in the shape of a wing
and decorate them appropriately.
•Hot glue black elastic from one end to the next.
•Wear wings on back, and elastic around waist as belt
•Attach black pipecleaners and pom-poms to black head-
band
• Mishloach Manos in butterfly bags or baskets
Make Your Own Make-up You will need:
2 tablespoons of soft shortening
4 tablespoons of cornstarch
Food coloring
•Mix ingredients shortening and cornstarch. Separate the
recipe into different cups, add food coloring.
•Wash the face and any area that you will be applying
makeup to and than dry thoroughly.
•Apply a thin coat of cold cream to the entire face.
• Using a cotton ball, gently pat cornstarch over cold
cream. Keep eyes closed.
•Apply make-up with fingers tips.
19
You hide Your face,Behind the wall,Yet through the cracks,Glimmers do fall.
Glimmers so minute,And yet so bright,Glimmers that brighten, The long, dark night.
Now the knowledge,That I always knew,I’m able to feel, In my heart through and through.
And although it may be hard.To see it all the time,Behind the wall you’re puppeteering, With a reason and a rhyme.
You’re working it all out,With a plan known only to You,And I’ll be amazed by the tapestry, When Your work with me is through.
And then I’ll look back,And smile in satisfaction,At the tremendous benefit,Of Your every step and action.
GGlimmerslimmers of of GoodGood
Where is Esther found in the Torah? “And I will hide My face from you..” Purim carries along with it a message of tremen-
dous encouragement. Nowhere is the name of Hashem mentioned in the Megilla. Why? To teach us that during the times it
seems bleakest, it seems that Hashem is furthest from us, or even that He has challilah forgotten us, He is clearly manipu-
lating the events to climax in unimagined goodness for us. We just need to wait a bit more and we will see that although He
is hidden at present, He stands constantly just behind the wall, watching our every single move, and caring for us with the
love only a Father carries for his beloved daughter.
And there are times that we do merit to see His face. Sometimes we just smile in relief as we soak in the warmth of the mes-
sage that it was planned all along. Those precious minutes must be enternalized. These Glimmers of Good are what keeps
us going when He slips behind the wall once more.
20
your home will have simcha. The presence of a father in a home does not necessarily generate simcha. You are creating the pressure on yourself by blaming the lack of simcha on the absence of a father.
How to create simcha on holidays like Purim? Schedule the activities that families do to bring in the chag. Decorate the house with meshenichnas adar signs. Plan family costumes and themed mishloach monos. Bake together. Make holiday cards for the homebound. Visit a nursing home before the yomtov and bring the spirit of Purim to old folks with the costumed kids making a skit.Take lots of pictures. Invite people for the seuda. Decorate the table with creativity.Your kids might be happy to host a seuda rather than be a guest at someone else’s table for a change.By creating these and other rituals for your family, the holiday becomes soenriched that the traditional family seudos with a father are not the centerpiece of the holiday.
You can also create a collage after each yomtov, extending its excitement beyond the actual cleanup and record-ing the memories. You don’t have to do it right away. You can preserve the souvenirs, pictures, and funny notes for assembly on a rainy day. Have a family session shortly after the chag when you record the things the kids enjoyed and the memories on paper. You serve as the secretary, writing everything down from a new shtickl Purim Torah to a memorable visit to a teacher to the creative mishloach monos you received. At a later date, all of you together create the scrapbook pages or collages. It is a family activity and each child can create a page or a section. The children will not only remember the simcha of the chag while they craft but the family will have a per-manent reminder of happy times. Remember, simcha doesn’t happen by itself. It can be cultivated and prompted by activities and rituals as well as instilled through speech and deed.
Faigie Horowitz
SSpotlightpotlighton Chinuchon Chinuch
Dear Rebbitzen Horowitz, Purim is a time of happiness throughout the Jewish world. There’s action, there’s music, and there’s a father. But in my situation, I feel like I have to create the simcha myself. It doesn’t happen automatically, the way it does in other homes. It’s a big pressure on me. If I won’t do it, my family won’t have simcha. Can you suggest ways that can help me create the simcha in my home, both on Purim and through-out the year?
Firstly, simcha does not happen automatically in any home. Simcha is infused by people who live with simcha and infuse simcha into their homes through deed, talk, style, and action. Simcha happens when there is verbalization of gratitude on a regular basis. Grati-tude to Hashem for good kids, gratitude for a nice day, gratitude for help extended, and gratitude for things that did not go wrong. You can create an atmosphere of simcha through your approach and by acting with joy. Tell your kids how lucky you are to have them. Put surprise notes in their lunches and under their pillows tell-ing them you love them. If you will be besimcha, express yourself besimcha, and initiate activities in the house that prompt simcha,
21
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
when twenty four hours in a day are not enough, remember
the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee. A professor
stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with
golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They
agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything
else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students
responded with an unanimous “yes.” The professor then pro-
duced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the
entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed. “Now,” said the pro-
fessor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that
this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important
things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and
your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are
the other things that matter like your job, your house and your
car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. “If you put the
sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have
room for the things that are important to you. “Pay attention
to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your
children. Take time to get medical checkups. There will always
be time to clean the house and take out the garbage. Take care
of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your pri-
orities. The rest is just sand.” One of the students raised her
hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor
smiled. “I’m glad you asked. “It just goes to show you that no
matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a
couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”
Author Unknown
The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee
22
A man once went for a walk in the forest. Enjoying the view around him, he looked ahead through the vegetation
and thought he saw a lion coming toward him. The lion saw him, too. As the two approached each other, one
glance at the lion’s eyes and dentures were enough to determine what was uppermost in the lion’s thoughts. The
man’s heart seemed to drop where his stomach was, as he thought, “this is it.”
He was unarmed, but carrying a walking stick. As he looked at it, a second thought came to him, “Maybe if I
point this at the lion, he will think it’s a rifle and will get scared and run away.”
Thinking intensely courageous thoughts, the man raised his make-believe rifle.
Although he was unaware of it, he was not alone. Behind him, high in the tree sat another man, and he held a
real rifle. Seeing the situation on the ground below, the man in the tree fired just as the man below raised his
sticks. The bullet pierced the lion’s brain and it fell over dead. The man with the stick thought that his stick
had fired miraculously and that his action was responsible for the lion’s death. He was deliriously happy at his
sudden salvation and raising his stick he exclaimed, “Stick, it is you who saved my life! I knew all along that
you were full of cartridges!”
After this demonstration of honor and praise toward the walking stick, the man heard a voice above him saying,
“Aren’t you a fool to believe such nonsense? Why don’t you examine your stick intelligently and see if it’s really
full of cartridges or not! It was a bullet from my rifle which killed your lion at the moment you raised your stick.
I saw your situation and felt sorry for you, so I decided to turn your futile gesture into effective reality.”
Author Unknown
Effective Reality?Effective Reality?
23
I’m sorry to hear that Purim brings up such sad feelings for you. Perhaps even sadder
than most other times, because it appears as though everyone is joining the festivities
and having a wonderful and happy time and you clearly don’t feel there is much to
feel festive or happy about.
In general, holidays are a time when people are often introspective and a time to think
about one’s life and how things could have and should have played out. It is also a
time to think about the future and pray for a better tomorrow. For you, it is a serious
time, even when there are hordes of children running around in costumes, laughing
and having a ball. Even when many adults are also seen in costumes, smiling as they
deliver beautiful Shalach Manos to one another. It should be a light and happy time
for you as well, and it isn’t.
I can’t say that you will never feel a certain sadness during the holidays, at least until
your life situation changes in a way that enables you to feel happier. However, there
are things you can do to get through the Chag with a better frame of mind than in
the past. It boils down to planning. You should decide in advance how you might
make the day feel more special for yourself and, if you have children, certainly for
them as well. Plan every detail so that you don’t find yourself unsettled or without
focus. Do you have a buddy in a similar situation who you can spend the time with?
Is there a special Shul that you have always found to be the warmest and friendliest?
Dear Esther,
Purim is a time that everyone is happy.
Everyone, it seems, besides for me. As
soon as I see all the festivities going on,
I feel the sadness well up inside. Rather
than laugh, I want to cry. I don’t want it
that way. I want to be happy the way
everyone else is, even if my situation is
different. Do you have any suggestions
for me?
Ask The
Therapist
24
Is there a family member or friend
that you can go to for the Seudah?
Sometimes people are so busy with
their own lives, they often forget
to think about what others might
be doing. Don’t be shy. Pick up
the phone and ask for an invite. Is
there a special cookie recipe that
you enjoy making so that you can
have fun by being creative and
expressing yourself through fanciful
decorations? Though it might be
the last thing in the world you feel
like doing, could you force yourself
to go out and buy a pink wig or
oversized sunglasses to wear, so
that you can feel a little silly and by
doing so, for the time being anyway,
let go of some of your baggage?
It’s work, it’s effort, but it helps.
Also, just as an aside, though it
appears as though everyone in the
world besides you is carefree and
happy, particularly on a holiday
such as Purim, it would be helpful
for you to know that you are not
alone. Many people deal with
many issues, some similar to your
own and some entirely different.
What you are observing are people
putting on a happy face, often in
spite of challenges and hardships.
Sometimes the simple act of putting
on a smile lends itself to eventually
feeling the smile within. May you
be able to both smile on the outside
and the inside this coming Purim
and always.
Esther
25
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.
Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall’s Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some at-tention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing . She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could mus-ter. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
“And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an an-noyed tone of voice. I’m talking to my brother from Chi-cago whom I haven’t seen in ages,” he said without waiting for a reply to his question
“Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,” Tess an-swered back in the same annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick..and I want to buy a miracle.”
“I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist.
“His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?”
“We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry but I can’t help you,” the pharmacist said, softening a little
“Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.”
The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, “What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”
“ I don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.”
“How much do you have?” asked the man from Chicago .
“One dollar and eleven cents,” Tess answered barely au-dibly.
“And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”
“Well, what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little broth-ers.”
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said “Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle you need.”
That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking abo ut the chain of events that had led them to this place.
“That surgery,” her Mom whispered. “was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?”
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.
THE PRICE OF A MIRACLE
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1 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2 He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
5 Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6 The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
7 If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8 If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9 The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10 The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
11 A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
12 When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
MURPHY’S LESSER KNOWN LAWS
27
She looked up at me
through those lashes,
those thick brown lashes
that threaten to disarm,
charm,
but now
just...
alarm
She’s holding a note
(looking guilty by rote)
with the school letterhead...
I felt my face go red
Don’t tell me, I say
in utter dismay
unfolding the page
with unfurling rage --
Why today?!
when along the way
a dozen eggs broke
I was the butt of some joke
the bread turned to smoke...
She smirked just a bit
at my burnt oven mitt...
Facing the task,
I didn’t even ask...
I read the letter
and felt somewhat better...
and in hindsight understood
that I possibly could
have construed her smile
(not meant to beguile)
with a look of shame
reserved, too, for blame...
but instead...now seemed tame...
for the letter was addressed,
at the school’s behest,
to the mother of the best
scorer of a test...
the day melted away quite fast
I forgot about the recent past
and that I was about to blast
my shining star of a girl
my flower
my pearl...
and yet, I wonder...
why did it take shape like this?
why did it have to be so amiss?
why is it so on the tip of my tongue
to accuse...
like poison arrows...
so carelessly flung?
shouldn’t she always see
the best in me -
to emulate He
Who makes our souls free
from the horrific debris
of unjust accusations
and anger’s temptations
another day to work on it...
here it is -
I suppose...
By: Esti Barker
The Letter
Sisters Sisters SSpeakpeak
28
My Dear child,
I remember when..
Your footprints were quite small,
You barely were two feet tall.
You kept me awake all night long, while I sang song by song,
I woke up needing a coffee that was more than strong.
I remember your first solid foods and your first toy,
I remember when you took your first steps with such pride & joy.
I remember when you uttered your first words so clearly,
I remember when you didn’t want anyone to hold you but me.
I remember when you moved from a crib to a bed so proudly,
I remember when you got yourself dressed independently.
I remember when I lectured your teacher about special care for you in your first school.
I remember how you charged off to school the next day totally cool.
I remember watching you step away on that big yellow bus without delay,
And staring at the clock waiting till you came home that day.
I remember your first book report, your first school play,
I remember your first test, your first camp experience and summer away.
I remember your birthday parties at each age,
I remember your friends and school projects at every stage.
I remember how much my little baby has grown,
I see the transformation and how the years have flown
There were times I may have stepped back along the way minutely,
To provide you with your own space and privacy.
There were times our paths may have taken different routes, curves and detours throughout the years,
With our own share of tribulations and some tears.
But we know Hashem always protects us and guides our path in rain and sun,
We just have to keep our bitochon running together in unison.
Therefore, My dear child, I wish to express my heartfelt thoughts to you today,
To let you know I am here for you in every step, roadblock and pothole that may come your way.
Love always,
Mommy
I REMEMBER WHEN…. By: Nechama
Divorce means no more little notes next to your coffee cup
in the morning, no more shared pride over your children’s
accomplishments, no more family gatherings in your own
house. It means only one extended family instead of two,
and trying to be two parents at once to your kids.
Divorce hurts. It hurts for me, for my kids, for my parents,
for my grandparents. It hurts for my ex (though maybe I
shouldn’t be talking about him anymore), for his parents,
for his grandparents. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
Divorce hurts. It hurts when I see people who got married
after me celebrating their anniversaries, and I remember the
anniversaries that I celebrated so happily – three months, six
months, nine months, a year... Four years… Five years. “If
we’ve made it this far, we’ll make it all the way,” someone
said. But we didn’t. And it hurts.
Divorce hurts. It hurts when I come home from a simchah
to an empty house, late at night. It hurts when my in-
laws start treating me like a total stranger, and I have to
remember that they are no longer Mom and Dad. It hurts
when my children begin to realize that their home life is
different from other people’s, and they ask, “Why aren’t
you married, Mommy?” It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
Someone told my father last year, when I was in the
midst of going through it, that it’s like tearing out a piece
of yourself. Someone else said that unless you’ve gone
through it yourself, or someone very close to you has, you
can’t really understand what it’s like.
Like the lady who said to me, on a street corner near
Geulah, “I hope you know that it’s not any better on the
other side of the fence.” I wanted to say, Do you think
I chose this for myself? Do you think I stood under the
chuppah seven years ago and said, “I want to get divorced”?
Don’t you think I did everything I could to prevent this from
happening, to keep my marriage together, to keep my life
together?
One of my friends whom I haven’t spoken to in a long
time called me up the other day, and I had to tell her I was
divorced. She gave a little gasp, “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
Then she said, “But they say that sometimes you should
say mazal tov when you hear someone is divorced.”
No, I wanted to say. No, your first reaction was the right
one. I don’t want any mazal tovs. What mazal is there in
being alone, in steering the ship of my house by myself, in
having lost my tafkid in life?
Because being divorced means losing one of the most
precious parts of myself. What is my tafkid now, now that
I am no longer a proud wife and mother, an eishes chayil
who works hard to take care of her family? Who am I if I
am just me, a single mother with two kids to take care of
all by myself, day after day? Where am I going? What am
I doing?
You can’t say talk that way, a rebbetzin told me. You still
have a tafkid in life, and your kids still need you. But it’s so
hard right now to remember that, when I feel so alone, so
lonely, so lost and confused. There are so many unanswered
questions, and so few answers. So many things just don’t
make sense.
Maybe one day I’ll gain a clarity on the whole situation,
and I’ll feel better about my place in the world again. But
in the meantime, it hurts. It hurts. It really hurts.
29
Divorce HurtsDivorce Hurtsby S. L. Weinstock
Dearest SL and the dozens of sisters who feel just the same,
This article is one of those that resound deep within. Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about. But I feel like I have to take
this opportunity to tell you that believe it or not - it does get better. Time has a wonderful healing quality to it. Yes, it takes many
tears to get through this mourning period, but you will emerge. And you will emerge a lot stronger than you entered. A few weeks ago
I surprised myself. After benching licht, I found myself talking to Hashem and saying, “Hashem, thank you so much for putting me
exactly where I am.” And it came from a truly happy and grateful feeling of where I am in life. SL, may you be zoche to feel that
Hashem is with you in this deeply hurt place, and may you feel Him healing your hurt very soon.
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Dearest Sisters,
We’re excited to present Butterfly Businesses. This new feature is an opportunity to
showcase our sisters’ businesses. Please patronize our hardworking mothers. We’d
love you to send us your business card to be included in our next edition.
Butterfly Businesses
“I’ve learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done”
“To try when there’s little hope is to risk failure. Not to try at all is to guarantee it”
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Butterfly Bulletin•Do you know this important piece of information? A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totaled her car. A resident of Kilgore , Texas
she was traveling between Gladewater & Kilgore. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydro-plane and literally flew through
the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!
When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened he told her something that every driver should know - never drive in the rain with your cruise
control on. She thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain.
But the highway patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydro-plane and your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car
will accelerate to a higher rate of speed making you take off like an airplane. She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.
The patrolman said this warning should be listed, on the driver’s seat sun-visor - never use the cruise control when the pavement is wet or icy, along with the airbag
warning. We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed - but we don’t tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry.
The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had had a similar accident, totaled his car and sustained
severe injuries.
Note: Some vehicles (like the Toyota Sienna Limited XLE) will not allow you to set the cruise control when the windshield wipers are on.
•Counterforce is looking to form a parenting session for single mothers of teenagers after pesach. A group of ten women will be accepted for a six week course.
Please call Counterforce to register 718-787-4412
Dearest Sisters,
One of the largest difficulties our children face is the feeling that they are dif-
ferent than everyone else. My son always tells me that he wishes there was
someone else in his school whose parents are divorced. I told him about my
friend who has a son his age, and is also divorced. Recently she called me and
told me that her son was telling her how hard it is that he’s the only one in his
class with divorced parents. So she told him about my son. Then she suggested
that they become pen-pals. Both boys are thrilled. And now we share this with
all our sisters. Next issue, anyone interested can send in their children’s name,
address, age, school and preference. We’d love to give our children this opportu-
nity to connect to their cousin, after all - aren’t we sisters?
Costume Gemachim•Flatbush Purim Costume Gemach
718-951-2016
All costumes are between $5-$10. Sizes Newborn- Adult. By appointment only
•Disguise the Limit
C.S. Fogel- 718-338-1676
A children’s costume Gemach- $5 fee to tzedakah.
By appointment
Sunday 12:00-3:00, Weekdays 6:30-10:00
•Purim Costume Gemach
Klitnick- 718-259-4870
Charge $5 plus $5 deposit, which is returned for each costume borrowed.
Open Sundays from 12:00-5:00
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THE BUTTERFLY MAGAZINE IS PRESENTED BY SISTER TO SISTER TO SINGLE MOTHERS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. OUR SUCCESS DEPENDS ON YOU! PLEASE SHARE YOUR FEELINGS, ARTICLES, POEMS, QUESTIONS, AND COMMENTS WITH US. WE’RE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU!
Mailing Address:Sister to Sister 21 Shonny CourtLakewood, New Jersey 08701Email: [email protected]
