Matilda the Musical Act1

8/19/2019 Matilda the Musical Act1

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MATILDA THE MUSICAL

ACT 1

A bell rings. Lights up. A long table with the word "Birthday"

emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the

bottom. The table stops and the hands hit the ground.

The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. They are

all dressed in costume !ric as Batman, Tommy as the ncredible #ulk,

Lavender as a $rincess, %igel as &piderman, Bruce in army gear, Amanda

as &uperwoman, Alice as 'onder 'oman, #ortensia as a (ueen.

ERIC

My mummy says I'm a miracle!

TOMMY

My daddy says I'm his special little guy!Ow!

AMANDA

I am a princess!

BRUCE

And I am a prince.

ALL GIRLS

Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky!

ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE

My daddy says I'm his special little soldier.No one is as handsome, strong as me.

BRUCE

It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge.

ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE

But I'm his little soldier.Hup, two, four, free

ALICE and HORTENSIA

My mummy says I'm a miracle,ne look at my face and it's plain to see."er since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me.Ow!

NIGEL, TOMMY

My daddy says I'm his special little soldier.No one is as bold or tough as me.#as my daddy told yane day when I'm older,I can be a soldier

NIGEL

And "oot #ou $n t"e fa%e!

A party entertainer enters with balloons.


2/41

&ARTY ENTERTAINER

ne can hardly mo"e for beauty and brilliance these days.It seems that there are millions of these $one in a millions$ these days.%pecialness is de rigueur. Abo"e a"erage is a"erage. &o figueur!Is it some modern miracle of calculus

(hat such fre)uent miracles don't render each one unmiraculous*

CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle.ne look at my face and it's plain to see."er since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord,It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me.

LA'ENDER

My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina.%he has ne"er seen + a!rettier barrelin+a!%he says if I'm keen, I ha"e to cut down on the cream,

But I'm a barrelina +So ($)e *e *ore %a+e!

)our *+$L!&, crouched down behind the table, begin to stand and

speak.

COU&LE

MAN- (ake another picture of our angel from this angle o"er here. MAN- %he is clearly more emotionally de"eloped than her peers.B(#- hat a dear!

COU&LE -

MAN- (hat's right, honey. /ook at mummy.MAN- 0on't put honey on your brother. MAN- %mile for mummy! %mile for mother!MAN- I think he blinked. MAN- ell, take another!

COU&LE .

MAN- #a"e you seen his school report* #e got a 1 on his report!ALL COU&LES/ 0"at1

MAN- e'll ha"e to change his school. (he teacher's clearly falling short.

COU&LE 2

MAN- %he's 2ust delightful.

MAN- %o hilarious. MAN- And insightful.

COU&LES

Might she be a little brighter than her class*h, yes, she's definitely ad"anced!

The couples and the children overlap the ne-t two verses, as children

split themselves among five couples and e-ecute rote choreography.

3COU&LES

(ake another picture of our angel from this angle o"er here.

%he is clearly more emotionally de"eloped than her peers. hat a dear!(hat's right, honey, look at mummy.


3/41

0on't put honey on your brother.%mile for mummy, smile for mother.I think he blinked. ell, take another!

CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle.ne look at my face and it's plain to see."er since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord,It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me.4

CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a +

CHILDREN and COU&LES

Miracle!

CHILDREN

(hat I'm as tiny and as shiny as a +

CHILDREN and COU&LES

Mirror ball!

1#I/03N 4ou can be all cynical,But it's a truth empirical.(here's ne"er been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle As me.

A curtain is wheeled in with the words " /!A0& A1+" painted on it. t

is flanked by A2A%3A and !0* in lab coats over their costumes. 20&

'+02'++3 is behind the curtain. A 3+*T+0 enters.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Loo+, $ t"$ (onna ta+e *u%" 5on(er, do%tor1 I6)e (ot a p5ane to

%at%" at t"ree I6* %o*pet$n( $n t"e B$7Annua5 Internat$ona5 A*ateur

Sa5a and Ba55roo* Dan%$n( C"a*p$on"$p $n &ar$

DOCTOR

You6re (ett$n( on a p5ane, Mr 0or*wood1

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Of %oure I a* I a5wa# %o*pete, do%tor But t"$ t$*e, I6)e (ot a

e%ret weapon Rudo5p"o! He6 part Ita5$an, #ou +now 'er# upp5e Ha$n%red$85e upper78od# tren(t"

DOCTOR

I t"$n+ we "ou5d "a)e a ta5+

20& '+02'++3 walks out from behind the curtain, heavily pregnant.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

So, w"at $ $t1 0"at6 wron( w$t" *e1

DOCTOR

Mr 0or*wood, do #ou rea55# "a)e no $dea1


4/41

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Ga1

DOCTOR

Mr 0or*wood, I want #ou to t"$n+ )er# %arefu55# 0"at do #ou t"$n+

*$("t 8e t"e %aue of 9 t"$1

20& '+02'++3 gasps.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

A* I A* I Loo+, a* I fat1

DOCTOR

You6re pre(nant!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

0"at1!

DOCTORYou6re (o$n( to "a)e a 8a8#

MRS 0ORM0OOD

But I6)e (ot a 8a8#! I don6t want anot"er one In6t t"ere o*et"$n(

#ou %an do1

DOCTOR

You6re n$ne *ont" pre(nant!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Ant$8$ot$%, or O", *# (ood Lord! 0"at a8out t"e B$7Annua5

Internat$ona5 A*ateur Sa5a and Ba55roo* Dan%$n( C"a*p$on"$p1

DOCTOR

A 8a8#, Mr 0or*wood A %"$5d T"e *ot pre%$ou ($ft t"e natura5

wor5d %an 8etow upon u "a 8een "anded to #ou A 8rand new "u*an

8e$n(! A 5$fe A peron A wonderfu5 new peron $ a8out to %o*e $nto

#our 5$fe to 8r$n( 5o)e, and *a($%, and "app$ne, and wonder!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

O", 85ood# "e55!

20& '+02'++3 walks back behind the curtain.

DOCTOR

"ery life I bring into this world3estores my faith in human kind.

NURSE

&u", Mr 0or*wood, pu"!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

I655 pu" #ou $n a *$nute!

DOCTOR

ach newborn life a can"as yet unpainted,

(his still, unbroken skin,(his uncorrupted mind.


5/41

The *#L30!% enter from both sides of the stage, with lab coats over

their costumes. The 3+*T+0 and the *#L30!% sing into their

stethoscopes.

DOCTOR and CHILDREN

"ery life is unbelie"ably unlikely.

(he chances of e5istence almost infinitely small.

DOCTOR

(he most common thing in life is life . . .

The curtain is wheeled away to reveal 20& '+02'++3. A %0&! is holding

a baby, which cries.

DOCTOR

And yet e"ery single life,"ery new lifeIs a miracle!

Miracle!

20 '+02'++3 enters, puffing on a cigarette.

MR 0ORM0OOD

0"ere $ "e1 0"ere6 *# on1

DOCTOR

Mr 0or*wood! Are #ou *o+$n( a %$(arette1

MR 0ORM0OOD

0"at1 O", of %oure 3#e throws the cigarette into the audience.4 I6*

orr#, do%tor 0"at a* I t"$n+$n(1 T"$ %a55 for a proper *o+e 3#e

takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.4 O", *# word, "e6 an

u(5# 5$tt5e t"$n(

DOCTOR

T"$ $ one of t"e *ot 8eaut$fu5 %"$5dren I6)e e)er een

20 '+02'++3 unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in.

MR 0ORM0OOD

O", *# (ood Lord 0"ere6 "$ f$n($e1

DOCTOR

H$ w"at1

MR 0ORM0OOD

H$ f$n($e H$ w"at%"a*a%a55$t H$ do7da" 0"at6)e #ou done w$t" "$

f$n($e1

DOCTOR

T"$ %"$5d doen6t "a)e a :t"$n($e: 9

MR 0ORM0OOD

0"at1 A 8o# w$t" no f$n($e1 Loo+ w"at #ou6)e done, #ou tup$d wo*an

T"$ 8o#6 (ot no f$n($e


6/41

DOCTOR

Mr 0or*wood! T"$ %"$5d $ a ($r5 A 8eaut$fu5, 8eaut$fu5 5$tt5e ($r5

MRS 0ORM0OOD

I t"ere t$55 t$*e for t"e B$7Annua5 Inter7C"a*p$on"$p A*ateur

Saua(e 9

MR 0ORM0OOD

Dan%e %o*pet$t$on6 o)er You *$ed $t 3#e brings out a load of cash

and starts leafing through it.4 Loo+, I don6t uppoe we %ou5d

e;%"an(e $t for a 8o#, %ou5d we1

The 3+*T+0 e-its and 20 '+02'++3 hurries after him.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

T"$ $ t"e wort da# of *# 5$fe!

h, my undercarriage doesn't feel )uite normal.

My skin looks 2ust re"olting in this foul, fluorescent light. And this gown is nothing like the semiformal,%emi%panish gownI should be wearing in the semifinals tonight!

03+L$#+ enters from behind a gap in the curtain behind her. #e dances

with the hospital bed that 20& '+02'++3 is lying on.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

I should be dancing the (arentella6ui mon fella Italiano.

03+L$#+ e-its the same way he came.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Not dressed in hospital cotton, ith an owchie . . . front bottom. And this +

The 3+*T+0, 20 '+02'++3, and a male nurse enter.

DOCTOR

Miracle!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

#orrible +

DOCTOR

Miracle!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

%melly little +

DOCTOR

(he most beautiful miracle I ha"e e"er seen!

MR 0ORM0OOD

I can't find his frank 'n' beans!


7/41

$arents wheeling strollers enter alongside their *#L30!%.

DOCTOR

"ery life is unbelie"ably unlikely.

CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle.

DOCTOR

(he chances of e5istence almost infinitely small.

CHILDREN

My daddy says I'm his special little guy.

DOCTOR

(he most common thing in life is life +

CHILDREN

Hup, two, four, free!

The Birthday table is wheeled back in by other children. *#L30!% and

*+$L!& arrange themselves behind it.

DOCTOR

And yet, e"ery single life,"ery new lifeIs a miracle!Miracle!Miracle!

The 3+*T+0 runs behind the table with the others. The group sets off party poppers down the line.

COU&LES, CHILDREN, and DOCTOR

My mummy says I'm a miracle,ne look at my face and it's plain to see."er since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord,It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me.My mummy says I'm a miracle.(hat I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball. 4ou can be all cynical,But it's a truth empirical(here's ne"er been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . . .

The woman from *+$L! 4 blows on a birthday cake as the table splits

in two and 2ATL3A stands from behind it, holding a collection of

books from one hand.

MATILDA

My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm.My daddy says I'm a bore.My mummy says I'm a 2umpedup little germ,(hat kids like me should be against the law.My daddy says I should learn to shut my piehole.No one like a smartmouthed girl like me.Mum says I'm a good case for population control.

0ad says I should watch more (7.


8/41

20 '+02'++3 kicks her out of the way, talking on the telephone. The

scene switches to the 'ormwood5s living room. 2ATL3A5s brother,

2*#A!L, lies lazily on a recliner. 2ATL3A sits to the side, reading

a book.

MR 0ORM0OOD

Get out of $t! Ye, $r T"at6 r$("t, $r One "undred and f$ft#7f$)e8rand new 5u;ur# %ar, $r Are t"e# (ood runner1 O", 5et6 put $t

t"$ wa# You wou5dn6t 8eat t"e* $n a ra%e! 3#e laughs then peters

out.4 No, $r Ye, $r T"e# are (ood runner, $r Ye, $r Indeed,

$r So, er* How *u%", e;a%t5# are we ta5+$n( a8out1

20& '+02'++3 enters and screams.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Harr#!

MR 0ORM0OOD

3to the phone4 Han( on

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Loo+ at t"$ S"e6 read$n( a 8oo+ T"at6 not nor*a5 for a f$)e7#ear7

o5d I t"$n+ "e *$("t 8e an $d$ot

MATILDA

L$ten to t"$/ :It wa t"e 8et of t$*e It wa t"e wort of t$*e

It wa t"e a(e of w$do* :

20& '+02'++3 screams again.

MR 0ORM0OOD

Stop %ar$n( #our *ot"er w$t" t"at 8oo+, 8o#

MATILDA

I6* a ($r5!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

And "e +eep tr#$n( to te55 *e tor$e, Harr# Stor$e 0"o want

tor$e1 I *ean, $t6


9/41

MRS 0ORM0OOD

R$%"1 How r$%"1

MR 0ORM0OOD

O", )er# r$%" Ru$an 8u$ne*en/ )er#, )er# tup$d! Your (en$u

"u8and $ (o$n( to e55 t"e* one "undred and f$ft# f$)e +na%+ered o5d

8an(er a 8rand7new 5u;ur# %ar

MATILDA

But t"at6 not fa$r! T"e %ar w$55 8rea+ down 0"at a8out t"e

Ru$an1

MR 0ORM0OOD

:=a$r: L$ten to t"e 8o#

MATILDA

I6* a ($r5!

MR 0ORM0OOD:=a$r: doe not (et #ou an#w"ere, #ou t"$%+"eaded tw$t78ra$n! A55 I

%an a# $, t"an+ "ea)en M$%"ae5 "a $n"er$ted "$ o5d *an6 8ra$n,

e", on1

MICHAEL

3dully 4 M$%"ae5

MRS 0ORM0OOD

H** 0e55, I "a55 ta+e #our *one# w"en #ou earn $t, and I "a55 pend

$t But I "an6t enuea+# 5$tt5e (o85$n 5$+e #ou, 8o#

MATILDA

I6* a ($r5!


10/41

MR 0ORM0OOD

Now, (et off to 8ed, #ou 5$tt5e 8oo+wor*

20 '+02'++3 e-its while 2ATL3A runs into her bedroom, flings the door

open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. &he opens a book.

MATILDA8ack and 8ill went up the hill(o fetch a pail of water.%o they say.(he subse)uent fall was ine"itable.(hey ne"er stood a chance.(hey were written that way-Innocent "ictims of their story.

/ike 3omeo and 8uliet,'(was written in the stars before they e"en met.(hat lo"e and fate and a touch of stupidity ould rob them of their hope of li"ing happily.(he endings are often a little bit gory!I wonder why they didn't 2ust change their story. e're told we ha"e to do what we're told, but surely,%ometimes you ha"e to be a little bit naughty!

8ust because you find that life's not fair, it0oesn't mean that you 2ust ha"e to grin and bear it.If you always take it on the chin and wear it,Nothing will change."en if you're little, you can do a lot. 4ouMustn't let a little thing like $little$ stop you.If you sit around and let them get on top, you

Might as well be saying you think that it's okay, And that's not right.3&he flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent5s bathroom, which

has risen from the stage. t is delineated into "#is" and "#ers"

sides.4

And if it's not right, 4ou ha"e to put it right.

2ATL3A picks up various bottles from the vanity and reads from their

labels.

&5at$nu* 85onde "a$r d#e E;tra tron( ?eep out of rea%" of %"$5dren

H**

O$5 of '$o5et "a$r ton$% =or *en Yep!

2ATL3A starts pouring the hair dye into the +il of 6iolets bottle.

MATILDA

In the slip of a bolt, there's a tiny re"olt.(he seed of a war in the creak of a floorboard. A storm can begin with the flap of a wing.(he tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting."ery day starts with the tick of a clock. All escapes start with the click of a lock.If you're stuck in your story and want to get out, 4ou don't ha"e to cry, you don't ha"e to shout +


11/41

'1ause if you're little, you can do a lot. 4ouMustn't let a little thing like $little$ stop you.If you sit around and let them get on top, you on't change a thing.8ust because you find that life's not fair, it0oesn't mean that you 2ust ha"e to grin and bear it.

If you always take it on the chin and wear it, 4ou might as well be saying you think that it's okay, And that's not right. And if it's not right, 4ou ha"e to put it right . . .3&he re7enters her bedroom and 8umps onto the bed.4

But nobody else is gonna put it right for me.Nobody but me is gonna change my story.%ometimes you ha"e to be a little bit naughty!

2atilda lies down and flicks off the light. The vanity rises again,

signifying morning. 20 '+02'++3, towel wrapped about his shoulder,

enters the bathroom with 2*#A!L.

MR 0ORM0OOD

In 8u$ne, on, a *an6 "a$r $ "$ (reatet aet Good "a$r *ean

a (ood 8ra$n Now, t"e e%ret to *# u%%e $n 8u$ne $ 9

MICHAEL

Se%ret

MR 0ORM0OOD

Ye Ye Se%ret T"e e%ret to *# u%%e $ t"$ O$5 of '$o5et

"a$r ton$% for *en Stand 8a%+, on! Your o5d *an $ (o$n( to wor+

3#e pulls the towel over his head and starts massaging vigorously 4

O", #ea" O", t"at6 w"ere $t6 at! O", r$("t T"at6 t"e 8anana

r$("t t"ere 3#e rips the towel off to reveal that his hair is green.4

Let *e te55 #ou o*et"$n(, on A *an $n 8u$ne $*p5# %annot fa$5

to (et not$%ed w"en "e 5oo+ 5$+e t"$

MICHAEL

Se%ret!

20& '+02'++3 enters and screams.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Your "a$r! It6 (reen!

MR 0ORM0OOD

Good Lord, wo*an, "a)e #ou tarted a5read#1 It6 not e)en e$("t

t"$rt#!

2ATL3A enters from her bedroom. 20 '+02'++3 takes a mirror that 20&

'+02'++3 brandishes.

MR 0ORM0OOD

O"! M# "a$r $ (reen!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

0"at on eart" d$d #ou do t"at for1 0"# wou5d #ou want (reen "a$r1


12/41

MR 0ORM0OOD

I don6t want (reen "a$r I d$dn6t do an#t"$n(!

MATILDA

Ma#8e #ou ued o*e of *u**#6 pero;$de 8# *$ta+e

MRS 0ORM0OODT"at6 e;a%t5# w"at #ou6)e done O", #ou tup$d *an

MR 0ORM0OOD

O", *# "a$r! O", *# 5o)e5# "a$r! O", *# (ood Lord I6)e (ot *# dea5

toda# w$t" t"e Ru$an 0"at a* I (onna do1

MATILDA

I +now I +now w"at #ou %an do

MR 0ORM0OOD

0"at1 0"at $ $t1 0"at %an I do1

MATILDA

You %an pretend #ou6re an e5f!

MR 0ORM0OOD

Ye! T"at6 $t! I %an pretend I6* an 0"at are #ou ta5+$n( a8out1

You foo5! T"e 8o#6 a 5oone#

20 '+02'++3 and 2*#A!L e-it. 20& '+02'++3 brushes past 2ATL3A with a

sound of utter disgust.

MATILDA

Mu*, wou5d #ou 5$+e to "ear a tor#1

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Don6t 8e d$(ut$n(! Go on Creep on 8a%+ to t"at 5$8rar# of #our or

o*et"$n( T"e ooner #ou6re 5o%+ed up $n t"at %"oo5, t"e 8etter

20& '+02'++3 e-its. 2ATL3A collects her books. The scene changes to

the library. 2&& #+%!/ is browsing the stacks. 20& $#!L$& enters.

MRS &HEL&S

Mat$5da! 0"at a p5eaure to ee #ou Here $n t"e 5$8rar# a(a$n, are

we1

MATILDA

Ye I *ean, *# *u* wanted *e to ta# at "o*e w$t" "er S"e "ate $t

w"en I (o out S"e *$e *e o *u%" Dad too He 5o)e "a)$n( *e

around But I t"$n+ $t6 (ood for (rown7up to "a)e t"e$r own pa%e

MRS &HEL&S

Your parent *ut 8e o proud to "a)e a ($r5 a %5e)er a #ou And do

#ou te55 t"e* 5ot of tor$e 5$+e #ou do w$t" *e1 I 5o)e #our

tor$e, Mat$5da! And t"at6 not a "$nt, 8# t"e wa# But $f #ou d$d

"appen to "a)e a tor# #ou wanted to te55 9

MISS HONEY

Good78#e, Mr &"e5p See #ou ne;t wee+


13/41

MRS &HEL&S

Good78#e, M$ Hone# And (ood 5u%+ w$t" t"e To5to#

2&& #+%!/ laughs and e-its down the stairs at the front of the stage.

MRS &HEL&S

A I wa a#$n(, Mat$5da I6* not "$nt$n(, 8ut $f #ou d$d "appen to"a)e a tor# #ou wanted 9

MATILDA

0"o wa t"at1

MRS &HEL&S

T"at 5ad#1 T"at wa M$ Hone# S"e6 (o$n( to 8e #our tea%"er

MATILDA

T"at 5ad#1 T"at 5ad# $ *# 9

MRS &HEL&SYe, #our tea%"er Now, 5oo+ Are #ou (o$n( to te55 *e a tor# or not1

MATILDA

On%e upon a t$*e 9

20& $#!L$& screams and e-its. &he re7enters carrying two s(uare

blocks, one larger than the other. &he puts down the large block and

2ATL3A stands on it. 20& $#!L$& retreats to the smaller block and

sits down.

MATILDA

On%e upon a t$*e, t"e two (reatet %$r%u perfor*er $n t"e wor5d 9 an

e%apo5o($t w"o %ou5d e%ape fro* an# 5o%+ t"at wa e)er $n)ented,

and an a%ro8at w"o wa o +$55ed $t ee*ed a $f "e %ou5d a%tua55#

f5# 9 fe55 $n 5o)e, and (ot *arr$ed T"e# perfor*ed o*e of t"e *ot

$n%red$85e feat to(et"er an#one "a e)er een And peop5e wou5d %o*e

fro* *$5e around/ +$n(! >ueen! %e5e8r$t$e! and atronaut! But not


14/41

ACROBAT 3off7stage4

0e "a)e e)er#t"$n(

MATILDA

:0e "a)e e)er#t"$n( t"at t"e wor5d "a to offer,: a$d t"e w$fe

ESCA&OLOGIST 3off7stage40e "a)e e)er#t"$n(

MATILDA

:But we do not "a)e t"e one t"$n( $n t"e wor5d we want *ot:

ACROBAT and ESCA&OLOGIST 3off7stage4

But t"e one t"$n(

MATILDA

:0e do not "a)e a %"$5d:

ESCA&OLOGIST 3off7stage4&at$en%e, *# 5o)e

MATILDA

:&at$en%e, *# 5o)e,: t"e "u8and rep5$ed :T$*e $ on our $de E)en

t$*e 5o)e u:

MRS &HEL&S

O", Mat$5da!

MATILDA

But t$*e $ t"e one t"$n( no one $ *ater of And a t$*e paed,

t"e# (rew >u$te o5d, and t$55 t"e# "ad no %"$5d At n$("t, t"e#

5$tened to t"e $5en%e of t"e$r 8$(, e*pt# "oue, and t"e# wou5d

$*a($ne "ow 8eaut$fu5 $t wou5d 8e $f $t wa f$55ed w$t" t"e ound of a

%"$5d p5a#$n(

MRS &HEL&S

O", Mat$5da, t"$ $ )er# ad!

MATILDA

Do #ou want *e to top1

MRS &HEL&S

Don6t #ou dare!

MATILDA

T"e$r adne o)erw"e5*ed t"e*, and drew t"e* $nto e)er *ore dan(erou

feat, a t"e$r wor+ 8e%a*e t"e on5# p5a%e t"e# %ou5d e%ape the

inescapable tragedy of their lives! And o $t wa, t"e# de%$ded to

perfor* t"e *ot dan(erou feat e)er +nown to *an! :It $ %a55ed,:

a$d t"e "u8and, announ%$n( t"e e)ent to t"e wor5d6 pre, w"o "ad

(at"ered to 5$ten w$t" 8ated 8reat" 9 3The voice of the !&*A$+L+1&T

echoes her words.4 9 :6T"e Burn$n( 0o*an, Hur5$n( T"rou(" t"e A$r,

w$t" D#na*$te $n Her Ha$r, o)er S"ar+ and Sp$+# O8


15/41

MATILDA and ACROBAT 3off stage4

:It $ our det$n# 9 :

MATILDA

9 a$d t"e w$fe, *$5$n( ad5# and 5$pp$n( "er "and $nto "$

MATILDA and ACROBAT 3off stage4:It $ w"ere t"e 5one5$ne of 5$fe "a 5ed u:

2ATL3A pauses for several moments, holding the dolls in front of her

contemplatively.

MRS &HEL&S

0e55, w"at "appen1!

MATILDA

I I don6t +now Not #et, an#wa#

MRS &HEL&S0"at1 But I In6t t"ere o*e *ore1 I *ean 0e55, I uppoe

#our *ot"er w$55 8e wa$t$n( for #ou I "e "ere1 I6d 5o)e to *eet

"er, a%tua55# 9

2ATL3A grabs her books and runs off the front of the stage.

MATILDA

B#e, Mr &"e5p! See #ou to*orrow!

MRS &HEL&S

After #our f$rt da# of %"oo5!

20& $#!L$& e-its as a siren wails and the scene changes to *runchem

#all Academy. A large iron gate made of s(uare holes of various sizes

rolls in from both sides of the stage. 2ATL3A5s classmates enter

hesitantly from the front of the stage.

NIGEL

M# *u**# a# I6* a *$ra%5e

TOMMY

M# dadd# a# I6* "$ pe%$a5 5$tt5e (u#

LA'ENDER

I a* a pr$n%e

ERIC

And I a* a pr$n%e

B1 93& enter menacingly behind the gate.

ALICE

Mu* a# I6* an an(e5

AMANDA

Mu* a# I6* an an(e5


16/41

NIGEL

Mu* a# I6* an an(e5

B1 93& approach and start climbing onto the gate and grabbing the

*#L30!% from behind it.

BIG ?IDS And so you think you're able(o sur"i"e this mess by being a prince or a princess. 4ou will soon see there's no escaping tragedy. And e"en if you put in heaps of effort, 4ou're 2ust wasting energy,'1ause your life as you know it is ancient history.I ha"e suffered in this 2ail.#a"e been trapped inside this cage for ages,(his li"ing 'ell.But if I try I can remember,Back before my life had ended,Before my happy days were o"er,

Before I first heard the pealing of the bell./ike you, I was curious,%o innocent I asked a thousand )uestions.But unless you want to suffer, listen up And I will teach you a thing or two. 4ou listen here, my dear, 4ou'll be punished so se"erely if you step out of line. And if you cry it will be double. 4ou should stay out of trouble And remember to be e5tremely careful.

NIGEL

0"#1

BIG ?IDS

hy*

BIG ?ID 3B!% 4

0"#1 D$d #ou "ear w"at "e a$d1

BIG ?IDS

8ust you wait for physed!

CHILDREN

0"at6 p"#7ed1

BIG ?IDS

&"#$%a5 edu%at$on!

BIG ?ID 3B!% 4

It6 t"e Trun%"8u556 pe%$a5$t#

The *#L30!% reach out from behind the gate as the B1 93& carry them

away.

ALICE

My mummy says I'm a miracle.

A""!


17/41

BRUCE

My daddy says I would be the teacher's pet!A""!

LA'ENDER

%chool is really fun, according to my mum.

A""!

AMANDA and ERIC

0ad said I'd learn the alphabet!

BIG ?ID 3B!% 4

T"e a5p"a8et1 You6)e (otta 5earn to 5$ten up, +$d

Two B1 93& start climbing on the gate, flanking alphabet blocks as

they are are pushed through the gate when they are mentioned in the

song.

OLDER ?IDS And so you think you're A ble(o sur"i"e this mess by Being a prince or a princess. 4ou will soon 9C: see there's no escaping trageD y. And E "en if you put in heaps of eFfort, 4ou're 2ust wasting enerG y,'1ause your life as you know it is $aitcH$ent history.I ha"e suffered in this Jail,I'"e been trapped inside this 9K : cage for ages,(his li"ing 'eLl.But if I try I can remeM ber,Back before my life had eNded,Before my happy days wereO "er,

Before I first heard the Pealing of the bell./ike you, I was 9Q: curious,%o innocent I 9R : asked a thousand )uestions,But unleSs you want to suffer, listen up And I will Teach you a thing or two. 4oU listen here, my dear, 4ou'll be punished so se V erely if you step out of line. And if you cry it will be 9 W : double. 4ou should stay out of trouble, And remember to be eXtremely careful.

ERIC

0"Y1

BIG ?IDS

hy*

BIG ?ID 3B!% 4

0"#1 0"#1 D$d #ou "ear w"at we a$d1

The gate rolls away. 3esks rise from the ground and a blackboard makes

its way from the back of the stage. pon the blackboard is written the

alphabet.

BIG ?IDS

8ust you wait for physed! 8ust you wait for physed.


18/41

BIG ?IDS and CHILDREN

A, B, 1, 0, , ;, &, #, I, 8, .

CHILDREN

hy, why, why, why, why, why, why*

A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finallysettling at the end on the letter :.

BIG ?IDS

8ust you wait for phyZed!

The B1 93& e-it and 2&& #+%!/ enters.

MISS HONEY

Good *orn$n(, %"$5dren! M# na*e $ M$ Hone# And toda# $ a )er#

pe%$a5 da#/ #our f$rt da# of %"oo5! Now, do an# of #ou +now an# of

#our two t$*e ta85e1

2ATL3A raises her hand.

MISS HONEY

0onderfu5 Mat$5da, $n6t $t1 &5eae, tand, and do a *u%" a #ou

%an

MATILDA

One t$*e two $ two Two t$*e two $ four T"ree t$*e two $ $;

=our t$*e two $ e$("t =$)e t$*e two $ ten S$; t$*e two $

twe5)e Se)en t$*e two $ fourteen E$("t t$*e two $ $;teen N$ne

t$*e two $ e$("teen Ten t$*e two $ twent# E5e)en t$*e two $

twent#7two Twe5)e t$*e two $ twent#7four

MISS HONEY

0e55, *# word

MATILDA

T"$rteen t$*e two $ twent#7$; =ourteen t$*e two $ twent#7e$("t

=$fteen t$*e two $ t"$rt# S$;teen t$*e two $ t"$rt#7two

MISS HONEY

Stop Stop! Good "ea)en How far %an #ou (o1

MATILDA

I don6t +now @u$te a 5on( wa#, I t"$n+

MISS HONEY

Do #ou t"$n+ #ou %ou5d te55 *e w"at two t$*e twent#7e$("t $1

MATILDA

=$ft#7$;

MISS HONEY

Ye Ye! T"at $ )9 How a8out t"$ Now, t"$ $ *u%" "arder,

o don6t worr# $f #ou don6t (et $t Two t$*e four "undred and

e$("t#7e)en If #ou too+ #our t$*e 9


19/41

MATILDA

N$ne "undred and e)ent#7four

MISS HONEY

Twe5)e e)en1

MATILDAE$("t#7four

CHILDREN

No wa#! 3They start chattering.4

MISS HONEY

Let6 5ea)e *at" for t"e t$*e 8e$n( and 5oo+ at read$n( Now,

%an an#one read t"$1 3&he underlines the sentence on the board.4

2ATL3A, LA6!%3!0, and %1!L raise their hands.

NIGELOo", *e, *e, *e, *$! I %an! Me, *e, *e, *e

MISS HONEY

'er# we55 N$(e5

%1!L leans forward in concentration and groans in agony several

times. #e screams and turns around, hitting !0*5s cap against !0*5s

desk. #e bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. MISS HONEY

"urr$e to pu55 t"e %ap fro* NIGEL6 *out"

MISS HONEY

O+a# Ye, #e I t"$n+ we6d 8etter 5ea)e $t t"ere, N$(e5 0e don6t

want to 8urt a 85ood )ee5 on #our f$rt da# La)ender1

LA'ENDER

I t"e f$rt word :to*ato:1

MISS HONEY

No But t"e :to*ato: $ a )er# (ood word

LA'ENDER

Ye!

MISS HONEY

Mat$5da1

MATILDA

:I %an now read word:

MISS HONEY

So, Mat$5da You %an read word

MATILDA

Ye 0e55, I needed to 5earn to read word o t"at I %ou5d read

enten%e Be%aue 8a$%a55# a enten%e $


20/41

MISS HONEY

And "a)e #ou read a w"o5e 8oo+1 Youre5f, Mat$5da1

MATILDA

O", #e More t"an one I 5o)e 8oo+ Lat wee+, I read >u$te a few

MISS HONEYA few! In $n $n a wee+ M#, *#, t"at $ (ood Er, w"at

8oo+ d$d #ou read1

MATILDA

%icholas %ickleby +liver Twist ;ane !yre Tess of the

35urbervilles The Lord of the 0ings 9im The

nvisible 2an The &ecret 1arden *rime and $unishment

and *at in the #at!

The school bell rings and all the children march out. The desks

descend into the ground. 2&& T0%*#BLL5s office, complete with her

in a high7backed chair


21/41

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Don6t u$8 A"r$*p An un"at%"ed tadpo5e 0e %annot $*p5# p5a%e "er $n t"e top


22/41

for* w$t" t"e e5e)en7#ear7o5d 0"at +$nd of o%$et# wou5d t"at 8e1

0"at a8out ru5e, Hone#1 Ru5e1

MISS HONEY

I 8e5$e)e t"at Mat$5da 0or*wood $ an e;%ept$on to t"e

ru5e

MISS TRUNCHBULL

An e;%ept$on To t"e ru5e In *# %"oo51

/ook at these trophies.%ee how my trophies gleam in the sunlight*%ee how they shine* hat do you think it took to become nglish #ammer (hrowing 1hampion ?@@* 3&he stands and approaches 2&& #+%!/ menacingly, towering over her.4

0o you think in that moment, when my big moment came,(hat I treated the rules with casual disdain* ell* /ike hell!

As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan*#m* hat* As a chalked up my palms, did I wa"e my hands*I did not! As I started my spin, did I look at the "iew*0id I drift off and dream for a minute or two*0o you think I faltered or amended my rotation*0o you think I altered my intended ele"ation* As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt;rom the grunt I had practiced for many a month*Not a 2ot!Not a dot did I stray from the plot.

Not a detail of my throw was ad2usted or forgotten.Not e"en when the hammer left my hands And sailed high up, up abo"e the stands0id I let myself go.No, no, no, no ad lib.C

3&he turns and walks back to her desk. &he daintily reaches up and

captures a figurine of a woman throwing the hammer.4

If you want to throw the hammer for your country, 4ou ha"e to stay inside the circle all the time. 3&he murmurs along to the music.4

And if you want to make the team,

4ou don't need happiness or selfesteem. 4ou 2ust need to keep your feet inside the line. 3&he presses an intercom on her desk.4

S$n(, %"$5dren Two, t"ree, four

*#L30!% and B1 93& appear in the bo-es to the upper left and upper

right of the stage and sing.

MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN

If you want to throw the hammer for your country.

BIG ?IDS

Bambinatum est magitum.


23/41

MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN

4ou ha"e to stay inside the circle +

MISS TRUNCHBULL

+ all the time.

BIG ?IDS1irculum, maggitum, maggitum.

MISS TRUNCHBULL

And if you want to teach success, 4ou don't use sympathy or tenderness.

CHILDREN and BIG ?IDS

(enderness.

MISS TRUNCHBULL

4ou ha"e to force the little s)uits to toe the line!

3&he grabs a baton with a yellow ribbon attached to it and startstwirling to the music.4

S$n(, enn#! Two, t"ree, four!

MISS HONEY, BIG ?IDS, and CHILDREN

If you want to throw the hammer for your country,

BIG ?IDS

Bambinatum! Bambinatum! &loria Magitum!

MISS HONEY, BIG ?IDS, and CHILDREN

4ou ha"e to stay inside the circle all the time.

BIG ?IDS

1irculum est 0eus! 0eus!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Apply 2ust one simple rule(o hammer throwing, life, and school +/ife's a ball, so learn to throw it,;ind the bally line and toe it, And always keep your feet inside the line!3&he throws the baton across the stage, does a 8et> to catch it, and

points her finger at 2&& #+%!/.4

Now get out.

2&& T0%*#BLL carries the ribbon back to her desk and sits down. &he

starts the video screens playing again.

MISS HONEY

I "a)e to te55 #ou, Head*$tre, t"at $t $ *# $ntent$on to "e5p t"$

5$tt5e ($r5 0"et"er #ou 5$+e $t or not

2&& #+%!/ e-its off the front of the stage. The scene changes to the

'ormwood5s living room. 20& '+02'++3 and 2*#A!L down sit in

armchairs. 2ATL3A sits down reading a book. 20 '+02'++3 paces the

stage.

MR 0ORM0OOD

Stup$d, nat#, t$n+$n(, 5$*# Great, 8$(, >uet$on7a+$n(


24/41

How dare t"e# pea+ to *e 5$+e t"at! 0"o t"e "e55 do t"e# t"$n+ t"e#

are1 =5$pp$n(, f$5t"#, nat#, tup$d Ru$an!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Don6t te55 *e 0e6re not r$%"

MR 0ORM0OODIt6 t"e *$5ea(e T"e# too+ one 5oo+ at t"e *$5ea(e on t"e f$rt %ar

and t"e# a$d t"at t"ee %ar were a55 +na%+ered I to5d t"e*, I a$d,

:He# T"e reaon t"e *$5ea(e $ o "$(" $ a *anufa%tur$n( *$ta+e:

MATILDA

I t"at true1

MR 0ORM0OOD

Of %oure $t6 not true

MATILDA

So #ou 5$ed1

MR 0ORM0OOD

Of %oure I 5$ed!

MATILDA

And t"e# d$dn6t 8e5$e)e #ou1

MR 0ORM0OOD

Of %oure t"e# d$dn6t 8e5$e)e *e/ I6)e (ot 9 (reen 9 "a$r!

MICHAEL

I6)e (ot "a$r

20 '+02'++3 runs over and grabs 2ATL3A5s book.

MR 0ORM0OOD

0"at6 t"$1 Anot"er f5a*$n( 8oo+1 0"at6 wron( w$t" t"e te55#1

MRS 0ORM0OOD

S"e6 (ot no repe%t, t"at one 0$t" "er, $t6 a55 :8oo+: and

:tor$e:

MATILDA

O", no, $t6 a 5o)e5# 8oo+ Honet You "ou5d read $t I6* ure #ou6d

9

MR 0ORM0OOD

:Lo)e5#:1 Here6 w"at I t"$n+ of #our 5o)e5# 9 3#e starts pulling at

the book as though to tear it apart.4

MATILDA

No, $t6 a 5$8rar# 8oo+! It6 fro* t"e 5$8rar#!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

You "ow t"e 5$tt5e 8rat! Go on, t"en!

20 '+02'++3 is having a lot of trouble with the book, even putting his

foot on it and pulling at it.


25/41

MR 0ORM0OOD

O", t"$ $ t"$%+! How do #ou do t"$1 Co*e on!

)inally, he grabs an individual page in glee.

MR 0ORM0OOD

Loo+ w"at I6)e


26/41

LA'ENDER

Mat$5da1 Can I a+ #ou a >uet$on1 Do a55 t"oe 8ra$n $n #our "ead

($)e #ou a "eada%"e1 I *ean, $t6 (ot to "urt, a55 >u$"ed $n t"ere

MATILDA

No, $t6 f$ne I t"$n+ t"e#


27/41

BIG ?IDS

(here's a place you are sent if you ha"en't been good,

BIG ?ID 3B!% 4

And it's made of spikes and wood.

BIG ?IDS And it isn't wide enough to sit.

BIG ?ID 3TA/L+04

And e"en if you could,

BIG ?IDS

(here are nails on the bottom,

BIG ?ID 3TA/L+04

%o you wish you'd +

BIG ?IDS%tood! hen the hinges creak and the door is closed, 4ou cannot see s)uat +

BIG ?ID 3TA29A 4

Not the end of your nose.

BIG ?IDS

And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out,r if the scream in your head e"en reached your mouth!Auuurrr("!

2ATL3A gazes at their dramatic display non7chalantly and holds out a

palm to them.

MATILDA

A55 r$("t 3to %igel4 0"en d$d t"$ "appen1

NIGEL

Twent# *$nute a(o But, w"#1

)rom offstage, 2&& T0%*#BLL blows on her whistle.

NIGEL

O", no, "e6 %o*$n(!

MATILDA

You6d 8etter "$de! @u$%+,


28/41

MATILDA

He6 o)er t"ere, under t"oe %oat

The *#L30!% and B1 93& hang their heads. 2&& T0%*#BLL walks

heavily toward the coats.

MATILDA0"ere "e6 8een for t"e 5at "our, a%tua55#

MISS TRUNCHBULL

0"at1 An "our1

MATILDA

O", #e You ee, unfortunate5#, N$(e5 uffer fro* t"e rare, 8ut

%"ron$% 5eep d$order, nar%o5ep# T"e %ond$t$on $ %"ara%ter$ed 8#

t"e ufferer e;per$en%$n( 8out of %"ron$% fat$(ue, and fa55$n(

udden5# a5eep, often w$t"out +now$n(, or an# warn$n( at a55 You

ee, "e fe55 a5eep, and we put "$* under t"e %oat for afet# D$dn6t

we1 D$dn6t we1!

CHILDREN and BIG ?IDS

Ye!

BIG ?ID 30/A% 4

Nar%o5op#!

MATILDA

He655 pro8a85# t"$n+ "e6 $n 8ed w"en "e wa+e up

%1!L sits up, yawning and stretching.

NIGEL

I $t t$*e for %"oo5 #et, *u*1 He55o! 0"at a* do$n( "ere1 0e55, t"$

$n6t *# roo* at a55! O", "e55o, M$ Trun%"8u55

Angrily, 2&& T0%*#BLL looks from %1!L to 2ATL3A and back.

MISS TRUNCHBULL

A*anda T"r$pp

The *#L30!% and B1 93& step back, leaving A2A%3A in a spotlight.

AMANDA

Ye, M$ Trun%"8u551

MISS TRUNCHBULL

0"at "a)e I to5d #ou a8out wear$n( p$(ta$51 I "ate p$(ta$5!

2&& T0%*#BLL hurries over to A2A%3A. The B1 93& and *#L30!%

scurry away.

AMANDA

But *# *u**# 5$+e t"e*! S"e a# t"e# *a+e *e 5oo+ prett#!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

T"en #our *u**# $ a tw$t!


29/41

2&& T0%*#BLL grabs A2A%3A by the pigtails and swings her around and

around. The stage goes black. 'hen lights come up again, A2A%3A is

gone. The B1 93& and *#L30!% take up various positions around the

stage and audience, pointing in every which way. The announcer from

2&& T0%*#BLL5s videos starts commentating. )lashbulbs go off. A

spotlight searches the theater. All the while, A2A%3A5s screams get

louder.

BIG ?ID

Here "e %o*e!

"A2A%3A" drops from the rafters above the audience into a pile of

coats underneath her. A2A%3A stands up and screams in triumph. 2&&

T0%*#BLL flails victoriously, then starts blowing her whistle. The

*#L30!% and B1 93& line up again.

MISS TRUNCHBULL

3to 2ATL3A 4 You! 0"at $ #our na*e1

MATILDA

Mat$5da Mat$5da 0or*wood

MISS TRUNCHBULL

So #ou6re 0or*wood, are #ou1 I *$("t "a)e +nown 0e55, Mat$5da

0or*wood You "a)e


30/41

MISS HONEY

O", er, "e55o It6 M$ Hone# Mat$5da6 tea%"er1

MRS 0ORM0OOD

B$t 8u# r$("t now!

MISS HONEYO", $t w$55 on5# ta+e a *o*ent

MRS 0ORM0OOD

O", %o*e $n $f #ou *ut

2&& #+%!/ enters and turns away in shock.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

T"$ $ Rudo5p"o! O", $t6 not"$n( 5$+e t"at He6 *# dan%e partner

0e6re re"ear$n(

03+L$#+ saunters over and holds his arm out to 2&& #+%!/.

RUDOL&HO

C$ao

MISS HONEY

O", par5e Ita5$ano1 C$ao, Rudo5p"o &$a%e55$ Co*e ta$1

RUDOL&HO

0ot1 0"o $ t"$, 8a8e1 You +now w"at $nterrupt$on do to *# ener(#

f5ow 3#e sits down in a zen position.4

MRS 0ORM0OOD0"at do #ou want, M$ C"utne#1

MISS HONEY

O", $t6 M$ Hone# Er*, we55, a #ou +now, Mat$5da $ $n t"e 8otto*

%5a And And %"$5dren $n t"e 8otto* %5a aren6t rea55#

e;pe%ted to read

MRS 0ORM0OOD

0e55, t"en top "er read$n(! Lord +now we6)e tr$ed

03+L$#+ dances across the back of the stage.

RUDOL&HO

I6* $n t"e one, do55! I %an fee5 $t $n *# "$p Don6t wate t"$ 3#e

slides down on his thighs stage left.4

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Loo+ I6* not $n fa)or of ($r5 (ett$n( a55 %5e)er7pant, M$ Hu#

A ($r5 "ou5d t"$n+ a8out *a+e7up and "a$r d#e Loo+ are *ore

$*portant t"an 8oo+ Now, 5oo+ at #ou, and 5oo+ at *e You %"oe

8oo+ I %"oe 5oo+!

RUDOL&HO

Ba8e, I6* on f$re, "ere! &5eae! 3#e dances backwards and 20&

'+02'++3 follows along.4


31/41

MISS HONEY

But Mat$5da %an %a5%u5ate %o*p5$%ated f$(ure $n "er "ead $n an

$ntant!

RUDOL&HO

Ca5%u5ate t"$! 3#e does a split in front of 2&& #+%!/.4

MRS 0ORM0OOD

=antat$%o!

MISS HONEY

Her *$nd $ $n%red$85e 0$t" a 5$tt5e "e5p fro* u, "e %ou5d (o to

un$)er$t# 8efore "e 9

MRS 0ORM0OOD

2ind? Her *$nd1 You rea55# don6t +now an#t"$n(, do #ou1

%omewhere along the way, my dear,

4ou'"e made an awful error. 4ou oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. 4ou seem to think that people like people what are cle"er.It's "ery )uaint, it's "ery sweet,But wrong.eople don't like smartypants what go 'round1laiming that they know stuff we don't know.Now, "ere6 a t$p/

hat you know matters less(han the "olume with which what you don't know's e5pressed.1ontent has ne"er been less important, so 4ou ha"e got to be/=0!

&irl, you'"e gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the1rowd! A little less flat, a lot more heel. A little less fact, a lot more feel. A little less brains, a lot more hair. A little less head, a lot more derriere.3&he gets on all fours as 03+L$#+ rides her like a horse.4

0"oa! Ne$("!

03+L$#+ starts dancing with and carrying around 2&& #+%!/, which he

continues to do throughout the song. 2&& #+%!/, dazed, follows the

dance as best she can.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

No one's gonna tell you when to shake your tush. ell, you got a light. 0on't hide it under a bushel.No one's going to look if you don't stand out.No one's going to listen if you don't shout.No one's gonna care if you don't care,%o go and put some highlights in your hair.'1ause you'"e gotta highlight what you got."en if what you got is not a lot. 4ou gotta be loud!

4ou gotta gi"e yourself permission to shine.(o stand up and be proud!0"ee!


32/41

A little less DDD, a lot more Ding. A little less shh, a lot more schwing. A little less dressing like your mum. A little more bahda, ba ba bada bom!

3&he takes a mirror from the armchair.4

O", I 5oo+ n$%e 3to 2&& #+%!/ 4 You don6t!

No one's gonna tell you when to wiggle your bumba.

RUDOL&HO

No one's gonna lo"e you if you don't know the rumba.

MRS 0ORM0OOD

"erybody lo"es a little something e5otic.

RUDOL&HO

But learning a language is o"er the top +

MRS 0ORM0OOD

It doesn't really matter if you don't know much!

RUDOL&HO

As long as you donEt know it with the "olume up.

20& '+02'++3 puts a number on 03+L$#+5s back as though they are

competing in a dancing competition.

MRS 0ORM0OOD and RUDOL&HO

(he less you ha"e to sell, the harder you sell it.

(he less you ha"e to say, the louder you yell it.(he dumber the act, the bigger the confession.(he less you ha"e to show, the louder you dress it.

03+L$#+ whips off 20& '+02'++35s skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made

of tassels beneath it.

MRS 0ORM0OOD and RUDOL&HO

4ou gotta get up! 4ou gotta get up and be loud!

A table with the word "*ontest" emblazoned on the side is wheeled in.

)our 8udges in outrageous costumes sit behind it.

UDGE

Your


33/41

MRS 0ORM0OOD

Ten! Of %oure! I *ean, w"at e5e1

4ou gotta be loud!%tand out from the crowd! Are you listening*

4ou gotta be loud!%tand up and be proud!

BAC?GROUND SINGERS

/oud, loud, loud, loud!/oud, loud, loud, loud!/oud, loud, loud, loud!

MRS 0ORM0OOD

4ou gotta be loud!

The other dancers and 8udges e-it, leaving 20& '+02'++3 and 03+L$#+

in a dramatic position. They then saunter off. 2&& #+%!/ is left in a

pile stage right.

MISS HONEY

%top being pathetic, 8enny. 8ust get on your feet, 8enny. 4ou are going to march in there and gi"e them a piece of your mind./ea"e it alone, 8enny. (he more that you try,(he more you'll 2ust look like a fool.(his it not your problem. 4ou'"e not got the spine. 4ou are a teacher. 8ust go back to school!

But this little girl . . . (his miracle . . .%he seems not to know that she's special at all.

And what sort of teacher would I beIf I let this little girl fall* I can see(his little girl needs somebody strong to fight by her side.Instead, she's found me. athetic, little me. And another door closes. And 8enny's outside.

2&& #+%!/ e-its behind the stacks as the library scene rolls in. 20&

$#!L$& is sitting on a block and 2ATL3A is standing on one, holding

the two dolls.

MATILDA

And o, t"e (reat da# arr$)ed! It wa 5$+e t"e ent$re wor5d "ad

(at"ered to ee T"e Burn$n( 0o*an, Hur5$n( T"rou(" t"e A$r, w$t"

D#na*$te $n Her Ha$r, O)er S"ar+ and Sp$+# O8


34/41

(5$*pe at a55 of "er "$n# w"$te %arf And $ntead of a *u$%a5

fanfare, t"ere wa $5en%e, a "e o5e*n5# trode $nto t"e roo*

MATILDA and ESCA&OLOGIST

Lad$e and (ent5e*en! Bo# and ($r5! T"e Burn$n( 0o*an, Hur5$n(

T"rou(" t"e A$r, w$t" D#na*$te $n Her Ha$r, O)er S"ar+ and Sp$+#

O8u$etened down, "e

tepped forward and produ%ed a %ontra%t

MRS &HEL&S

A A %ontra%t1

MATILDA and t"e ACROBAT6S SISTER 3off7stage4

:A %ontra%t wa $(ned to perfor* t"$ feat, and perfor* t"$ feat #ou

"a55!:

MRS &HEL&S

No!

MATILDA and t"e ACROBAT6S SISTER 3off7stage4

:I "a)e pa$d for t"e poter, pu85$%$t#, t"e %ater$n(, t"e to$5et

fa%$5$t$e If I ($)e t"e %rowd t"e$r *one# 8a%+, w"ere $ *# prof$t1!

A %ontra%t $ a %ontra%t $ a %ontra%t! M# "and are t$ed T"e Burn$n(

0o*an, Hur5$n( T"rou(" t"e A$r, w$t" D#na*$te $n Her Ha$r, O)er S"ar+

and Sp$+# O8


35/41

perfor*ed, and perfor*ed t"$ da#, or off to pr$on #ou 8ot"

"a55 (o!:

MRS &HEL&S

No! No!

2ATL3A holds her a dramatic pose, holding the large book above herhead.

MRS &HEL&S

0e55, w"at "appened ne;t1

MATILDA

I don6t +now I655 te55 #ou to*orrow

MRS &HEL&S

0"at1! I don6t +now $f *# ner)e w$55 *a+e $t unt$5 to*orrow

MATILDAMr &"e5p1 Are #ou %r#$n(1 Ma#8e I "ou5dn6t te55 #ou an# *ore

MRS &HEL&S

O", no, Mat$5da 0e *ut f$nd out "ow $t end And I6* not

%r#$n( 8e%aue $t6 ad It6


36/41

2ATL3A holds up her hand.

MATILDA

Ye, M$ Trun%"8u55

MISS TRUNCHBULL

So #ou ad*$t $t, do #ou1

MATILDA

Ad*$t w"at, M$ Trun%"8u551

MISS TRUNCHBULL

T"$ %5ot, t"$ fou5 %ar8un%5e $ none ot"er t"an a d$(ut$n(

%r$*$na5! 3&he takes 2ATL3A by the wrist and leads her to !0*5s

desk.4 A den$en of t"e underwor5d! A *e*8er of t"e *af$a! 3&he shoves

!0* out of his seat so 2ATL3A can stand on his desk.4

ERIC

A"!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

T"$ *orn$n(, #ou nea+ed 5$+e a erpent $nto t"e +$t%"en and to5e a

5$%e of *# pr$)ate %"o%o5ate %a+e fro* *# tea tra#

MATILDA

No, I d$d not!

MISS HONEY

3 placatingly 4 M$ Trun%"8u55 Mat$5da6 8een "ere a55 *orn$n(

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Stand$n( up for t"e 5$tt5e p$t78a55, are #ou1 0e55, t"$ %r$*e too+

p5a%e 8efore %"oo5 tarted And t"erefore, "e $ (u$5t#!

The room freezes as 2&& T0%*#BLL starts to write the word "1LT/"

on the board. There is a spotlight on B0*! as he begins to talk.

BRUCE

O+a#! Loo+! A55 r$("t! I to5e t"e %a+e And "onet5#, I wa rea55#,

def$n$te5#, ort of, a5*ot t"$n+$n( a8out own$n( up Ma#8e But t"e

t"$n( wa, I wa "a)$n( a 5ot of trou85e w$t" *# 8e55# You ee, t"e

Trun%"8u556 %a+e wa o (ood t"at I6d %offed $t down too >u$%+, and

now $t wa 8e($nn$n( to f$("t 8a%+ 3#is stomach growls.4 Oop! See!

B0*! turns back around and the scene unfreezes. 2&& T0%*#BLL

finishes writing the word "1LT/" on the board.

MATILDA

I6* not (u$5t#! I d$dn6t do an#t"$n(!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

You are (u$5t#, 8e%aue #ou are a f$end You are a %roo+ You are a

t"$ef! And I "a55 %ru" #ou I "a55 pound #ou I "a55 %on$(n #ou

to t"e e)ent" %$r%5e of "e55, %"$5d You "a55 8e You "a55 8e

detro#ed

B0*! turns around and burps for a full ten seconds. The *#L30!%

thrash in their seats. The scene freezes again for B0*! to talk.


37/41

BRUCE

It wa t"e 8$((et 8urp I "ad e)er done It wa t"e 8$((et 8urp I "ad

e)er "eard T"e 8$((et 8urp I "ad e)er "eard a8out! It wa 5$+e t"e

ent$re wor5d went $5ent for t"at 8urp to e;$t

A purple spotlight starts to make its way from Bruce across the

classroom.

BRUCE

A a "u(e %5oud of %"o%o5ate7# (a wafted fro* *# *out" and dr$fted

a%ro t"e %5a &at La)ender &at A5$%e &at Mat$5da And t"en,

*# (reat, 8$(, 8eaut$fu5 %"o%o5ate7# 8urp, w"$%" now ee*ed to "a)e a

*$nd of $t own, wafted fu55 $nto t"e fa%e of t"e Trun%"8u55!

The scene unfreezes. 2&& T0%*#BLL grimaces as the purple spotlight

leaves her. The *#L30!%, save B0*!, but including 2&& #+%!/, hide

under the desks. 2&& T0%*#BLL sniffs and licks the air. &he then

sniffs her way across the room, following the former path of the

spotlight. &he stops in triumph.

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Bru%e Bo(trotter

BRUCE

Ye, *$1

MISS TRUNCHBULL

You 5$+ed *# %a+e, d$dn6t #ou, Bru%e1

BRUCE

Ye, M$ Trun%"8u55! And I6* )er# orr# 9

MISS TRUNCHBULL

O", no, no, no, no, no A 5on( a #ou en


38/41

MISS TRUNCHBULL

O", no, #ou are not :fu55: I655 te55 #ou w"en #ou are fu55 And I a#

t"at %r$*$na5 5$+e #ou are not fu55 unt$5 #ou "a)e eaten t"e ent$re

%a+e

BRUCE

But 9

MISS TRUNCHBULL

No :8ut: You "a)en6t (ot t$*e for :8ut: Eat

BRUCE

But I %an6t eat $t a55!

MISS HONEY

Head*$tre, "e655 8e $%+!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

He "ou5d "a)e t"ou("t of t"at 8efore "e *ade a pa%t w$t" Satan andde%$ded to tea5 *# %a+e!

3sometimes, to be in time with the music 0e551 Co*e on!4

Eat!

CHILDREN

He %an6t!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Eat!

CHILDREN

He ure5# %an6t!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Eat!

CHILDREN

He *$("t e;p5ode!

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Eat!!

2&& T0%*#BLL strides to the board. +ver the course of the song, she

writes on the board "*opy one million times by tomorrow.

am )LL when and only when the #eadmistress says am)LL. am 1LT/ when the #eadmistress says am 1LT/."

CHILDREN

A single slice,r e"en two, Bruce,Might ha"e been nice,But e"en you, Bruce,#a"e to admitBetween you and it,(here's not a lot of difference in siDe.

CHILDREN

#e can't!


39/41

CHILDREN -

#e can!Bruce!

CHILDREN

#e surely can't!

He surely can't!

CHILDREN -

4ou are the man,Bruce!

CHILDREN

#e might e5plode!

CHILDREN -

#e's )uite elastic . . .

CHILDREN #e's going to blow. Make him stop!

CHILDREN -

#e's fantastic! /ook at him go!

CHILDREN

I can't watch!

CHILDREN

I think in effect,(his must confirm, Bruce, hat we all suspected. 4ou ha"e a worm,Bruce!r maybe your largenessIs like the (A30I%-1onsiderably roomier inside.

CHILDREN

#e can't!

CHILDREN -

#e can!

CHILDREN #e surely can't!#e surely can't!

CHILDREN -

4ou are the man,Bruce!

CHILDREN

B31!Bruce! 4ou'll ne"er again be sub2ect to abuse for your immense caboose.%he'll call a truce, Bruce. ith e"ery swallow, you are tightening the noose. e ne"er thought it was possible,


40/41

But here it is, coming true- e can ha"e our cake and it it too!

(he time has come to put that tumblytum to use.No e5cuse, Bruce./et out your belt. I think you'll want your trousers loose.

h +%tuff it in. 9Bruce!: 4ou're almost finished. 9Bruce!: 4ou'll fit it in. hate"er you do, 2ust don't gi"e in.0on't let her win.1ome on, Bruce, be our hero.1o"er yourself in chocolate glory!

BRUCE

It6 too *u%"! It6


41/41

BRUCE

0"at1 0"ere1

MISS TRUNCHBULL

O", d$d I not *ent$on1 T"at wa on5# t"e f$rt part of #our

pun$"*ent T"ere6 *ore 9 t"e e%ond part And t"e e%ond part $

C"o+e#!

BRUCE

0"at1!

MISS HONEY

No No, M$ Trun%"8u55 &5eae You %an6t

MISS TRUNCHBULL

Ye, M$ Trun%"8u55, p5eae, #ou %an! Do #ou t"$n+ I wou5d a55ow

*#e5f to 8e defeated 8# t"ee *a((ot, do #ou1 0"o do #ou t"$n+ I a*,

M$ Hone#1 A wea+5$n(1 An $d$ot1 A foo51 You1

MISS HONEY

He6 eaten $t a55 He d$d w"at #ou a+ed

2&& T0%*#BLL takes B0*! by the wrist and leads him off the front

of the stage.

BRUCE

I d$d! I ate t"e 5ot! &5eae! No! No, not t"ere! Don6t ta+e *e to

C"o+e#! &5eae! No! No!

MATILDA

T"at6 not r$("t!

Lights down.

Documents

Matilda the Musical Act1